Sexy Selfie Nation: Standing Up for Yourself in Today's Toxic, Sexist Culture

by Leora Tanenbaum

Beginning in childhood, women are relentlessly sexualized against their will. This sexualization occurs with gendered school dress codes, which allow teachers and administrators to scrutinize and comment on girls’ bodies; nonconsensual sharing of intimate images (“revenge porn” and “deepfakes”), which portray girls and women as sexual objects deserving of public humiliation; and the aftermath of sexual harassment and assault, when victims are told—still today, even after #MeToo—that they were “asking for it.”



In Sexy Selfie Nation, Tanenbaum speaks directly to young women about why they’ve chosen to sexualize their appearance as a method of standing up for themselves and taking control over their bodily autonomy. Tanenbaum demonstrates that above all, “sexy” does not mean “inviting sex,” and that when young women embrace a sexualized aesthetic or post sexy photographs, they do so on their own terms. Their gestures have consequences both positive and negative—for themselves and others— so while their actions may be fulfilling, they also exact a cost.

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction

240 pages, Hardcover

First published May 20, 2025

About the author

Leora Tanenbaum, author of six books, began researching and writing about slut-shaming before the term even existed. Her first book, Slut! is regarded as a significant contribution to feminist thought and the foundational text on slut-shaming. Called one of the 20 “must-read” books of all time for women, upon publication it shot up to become an Amazon Editor’s Choice book and an Amazon Top 10 Women’s Studies book.

I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet was the first book to analyze the proliferation of slut-shaming in the age of social media and digital culture. It was named one of 11 "groundbreaking books about women making history."

Currently, Tanenbaum is a frequent commentator for USA Today, where she discusses the gendered double standards faced by celebrities and non-celebs alike. She has written for The New York Times, Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, New York Daily News, The Nation, and U.S. News & World Report and has been a guest on Oprah, The Today Show, Nightline, Bill Maher, Fox News, MSNBC, and National Public Radio.

Reviews

[Araya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Arc Review:
Overall Rating: 4 Stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Cover Rating: 4 Stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A very informative book, very truthful in its knowledge. I like seeing a more positive and empowering guide to the negativity and stigmas around these issues.
Thank you NetGalley

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first NetGalley review! This was a pretty decent read. It was well-researched and nuanced; I respect that Tanenbaum doesn't shy away from an argument with contradictions, given that she addressed the contradictions in her analysis. She also thoroughly dives into the intersections of misogyny and racism, which was appreciated. Overall, a good read!

[Robert Azerad · Rating 5 out of 5]

A groundbreaking book that all men should read

Leora Tanenbaum has once again written an authoritative book grounded on many interviews on a topic that should be of high interest to everyone - not just women. Thanks to her outstanding non-judgmental listening skills, Tanenbaum helped me understand why women take “sexy selfies.” I hate reading reviews with spoilers and therefore I do hope that you buy the book and discover for yourself what was at first a disconcerting and hard to understand behavior to me. Suffice to say that the book is far more than just about “sexy selfies:” it shows the unintended and negative consequences that women suffer as a result: through dress codes that penalize women and especially women of color; through image-based sexual abuse (also colloquially known as revenge porn or deepfake) which is made so much easier by AI; and through social media, which enables self-expression and punishes it at the same time if it is outside the “norm”.
Throughout the book, Tanenbaum draws on her deep subject matter expertise to connect disparate points and draw insightful conclusions from stories of women who were unwillingly caught in this no-win situation that is our double standard society.
As in her previous books, her writing is excellent: she strikes a hard to reach middle ground between not condescending to her readers and not hiding behind some academic jargon. For a non fiction book, it was a pleasure to read it even though the topic and conclusions can be heart wrenching at times.
Highly recommended

[Sara Shapiro-Plevan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, just like every other book Tanenbaum has penned, is beyond thought-provoking and will challenge you to think deeply every time you pick up your phone for a picture. Women want to feel sexy AND powerful, to have agency over their bodies and be beautiful, to maintain control over their sexuality and be physically present in the world. Depending on our age, stage, identity, class and race, we have more or less power to navigate this. Sexy Selfie Nation treats all of the questions that emerge around these desires with grace and a lot of requisite fury. If you're wondering where the cute selfie to share fits in vs. the picture used for porn or for sexting, Tanenbaum covers it all. There's even an appendix with resources at the end, and if you're lucky, you'll have access to a workbook that can guide you through using this text as a resource. But good luck--all of this is incredibly hard to navigate, and you'll be lucky if you read through this and not wonder how we got here. If you do, then go back and read all of Tanenbaum's other books. She'll help you think about that, from misogyny to slutshaming to catfighting. No doubt this is hard, but we need to address it.

[Taylor Engle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Leora Tannenbaum’s Sexy Selfie Nation is everything I’ve come to expect from her work: empathetic, wise, and fiercely protective of girls and young women. Her voice is one that sees you, understands you, and never judges. Reading her words is a comfort. It reminds me that I’m not alone.

I first discovered Tannenbaum’s writing in college. After being sexualized from as early as age 12 or 13, I felt like I wasn’t being blamed for it for the first time in my life. Her words helped me make sense of the shame I had internalized.

Sexy Selfie Nation continues her legacy of empowering girls through knowledge. In a world where slut-shaming persists—where girls are made to feel guilty for simply existing in their bodies, and where platforms like OnlyFans and social media have added layers of complexity—Tannenbaum offers a nuanced, compassionate take. She acknowledges the danger of hypersexualization, but never once blames the girls caught in the crosshairs. Instead, she uplifts them. She gives us tools. She gives us power.

[Jo-Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sexy Selfie Nation is a powerful, eye-opening read. Tanenbaum approaches the subject of image-based sexual abuse (IBSA) and self-objectification with nuance, empathy, and deep respect for the people she profiles. The stories shared are gripping, often heartbreaking, and always illuminating.

I came away with a much deeper understanding of how IBSA functions—not just as a personal violation, but as a systemic issue rooted in misogyny, shame, and power. Tanenbaum skillfully connects the dots between digital culture, consent, and the impossible expectations placed on girls and women in a society that demands sexualization and then punishes it.

This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to better understand the emotional toll of living in a world where your image is demanded and sometimes taken, shared, judged, and weaponized. I'm left with a sense of urgency to push for both cultural and legal change.

[Karina Schroeder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. Leora Tanenbaum does an excellent job of mixing storytelling (candid and enlightening interviews with hundreds of young women) with research on how policing women’s clothing choices and bodies, beginning at an early age, can impact them for the rest of their lives. The stories from teen girls—often girls of color—who are heavier or curvier and who have been singled out for their clothing choices was particularly heartbreaking.

I think what most stood out to me was the empathy of the author’s storytelling. She shared stories of young women and teens who have been shamed by others simply for wearing clothes that make them feel comfortable and confident. It brought back a lot of memories from when I was in grade school and high school, and put some meaning into my experiences at that time that I didn’t have the vocabulary / knowledge to really understand back then.

Thank you Leora for writing such a powerful and thought-provoking book.

[Rissa Pappas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This insightful book examines the current state of affairs for women under 30 in the US, and it's illuminating. A crucial read for parents who don't understand their daughters and for women who feel like they're going crazy. Author Leora Tanenbaum, in many interviews with young women and via relevant research, shows the dangerous line women tow in our chronically online world: everyone is expected to be a brand and yet anyone can be ridiculed for attention seeking. Tanenbaum uncovers a dozen other ridiculous contradictions where women are expected to live, and this razor's edge can do nothing but cut women down eventually. Yet all is not lost. She shares inspiring stories of defiance, empowerment, and healing throughout which make reading about some of the more upsetting subject matter easier to handle. And most importantly, she shares actions that you, the reader can take when you're motivated (as you will be) to make change for the better for women everywhere.

[Chanel Dubofsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tanenbaum is a careful and thorough listener, committed to accurately rendering the voices of young women and non-binary folks when they talk to her about the intricacies of their lives, online and otherwise. It’s not always about wresting control, or getting and holding the attention of men. Sometimes sexy selfies are about finding community, affirming identity, restoring confidence, being proud of how you and your friends look and making sure everyone knows it.

Ultimately, says Tanenbaum, selfies are about the formation of identity: “The performance shapes the person and enables you to imagine yourself as someone who is fierce, feminist, and ready to face people the way you want to be seen.” The author has done us all a service, adding another must-read book for those who want to understand a new generation’s anxieties around appearance and self-image.

[Alanna Fowler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a solid and engaging read. Tanenbaum presents a well-researched and nuanced analysis, bravely addressing contradictions rather than avoiding them. Her exploration of the intersections between misogyny and racism is thoughtful and thorough, adding depth to the discussion. Overall, a compelling and insightful book that’s well worth reading. Thank you NetGalley for letting me read and review

[Jodi Golinsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sexy Selfie Nation is a must read for any parent with daughter and for young women as well. It's an honest, meaningful, non-judgmental look at how young women see themselves and choose to stand up for themselves. It's hard hitting and just incredibly well researched and written. I've followed Leora Tanenbaum's work for years and this is a truly groundbreaking and important book. Highly recommend!

[Jean Halley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been using Leora Tanenbaum's books in my classes every term since her first book came out! She is a brilliant feminist thinker and she has offered her excellent analysis yet again in Sexy Selfie Nation! In this book she gives us all a beautiful and powerful roadmap as to how to respond to our sexist toxic culture. I cannot wait to teach this book in the upcoming fall!

[Reah Bravo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tanenbaum brilliantly shines a light on what healthy bodily autonomy for young women can actually look like in a society as hyper-sexualized and online as ours. Her expertise and empathy make for necessary read, especially for young women – or anyone who cares about the well-being of young women.