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Delco Dirtball: A Wigger Crime Novel
Authored by comedian/podcaster Michael Rainey. Also available as an audiobook w/ commentary. Tommy & Fats are two neighborhood dirtballs who share bunkbeds and a dream to one day make it out of their hometown, Delco, where hopelessness, poverty, and addiction reign supreme. That dream becomes a reality when Tommy’s estranged crackhead father enlists him in a check cashing scheme that would turn their lives around. However, all that changes when Tommy & Fats are wrongfully accused of murdering their pervert boss at Halloween Quest.
While brain damaged Fats pedals his old ass Mongoose bike as reformed wigger Tommy rides his pegs, they must navigate the fucked up streets of Delco to commit check cashing fraud while also ripping off drug dealers, fighting obese Arby’s managers, and getting pussy from dirt-footed chicks with wet buns and strap-on dildos. With all odds stacked against them, they are pushed towards achieving their dreams by a schizophrenic arsonist, a fat-titted cashier with an ATV, and a disgusting stripper whose barbed wire tattoo around her C-section scar belies a heart of gold.
This book is guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, and check outside to make sure no one is stealing your catalytic converter.
While brain damaged Fats pedals his old ass Mongoose bike as reformed wigger Tommy rides his pegs, they must navigate the fucked up streets of Delco to commit check cashing fraud while also ripping off drug dealers, fighting obese Arby’s managers, and getting pussy from dirt-footed chicks with wet buns and strap-on dildos. With all odds stacked against them, they are pushed towards achieving their dreams by a schizophrenic arsonist, a fat-titted cashier with an ATV, and a disgusting stripper whose barbed wire tattoo around her C-section scar belies a heart of gold.
This book is guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, and check outside to make sure no one is stealing your catalytic converter.
142 pages, Unknown Binding
Published July 14, 2024
2 people are currently reading
29 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 13, 2024
I hope this is a whole series! It's like a slimmer, ICP-ed version of Matt McCusker's book Overlook. Pennsylvania dirtbags: I'm in greazeball Heaven. I really hope crime comedy w/ the PA vernacular becomes a huge lit scene (I'll be doing my part). It's just the best, has its own slangy language but is accessible. "Mountain Dew addicts"/wigger twins from separate insurance scam moms, Tommy and Fats, are celebrating their 30th birthday. It falls on Halloween/their last day on the job at a costume party shop--and their boss's life.
They weren't part of it, but it sure looks fishy when the fat goth croaks in his office after text threats involving the infamous Lemon Party video. It doesn't help that the boys are always scrapping, packing heat, and stealing blow all around town. They can hardly lay low, especially in Dracula and Minion outfits for the entirety of the book. Not when they're roofing beers onto the 7-Eleven or dashing after dining on half a dozen baskets of Red Lobster biscuits or making the rounds to their plug in Newport sweats.
One of the lighter lines describes somebody with "the personality of an inbred raccoon." The cast is scuzzball perfection: an ATV-owning ex Tommy played to get complimentary Arby's, a loveable gas station schitzo, a dentist doing favors for scat, the quiver-voiced dandy willing to cash their big check for a couple of "favors," the arrogant deadbeat dad hiding out in the woods. Also, shoutout to The Sneaker Pimps.
This is an author not afraid to beat the shit out of his characters, color his hometown in shades of (c)rust. It's nice how different the boys can seem (head injury aside), tapping into what I didn't know was such a ghetto white boy hierarchy. They don't talk annoyingly whacky/accented in dialogue. It's all about the clothes, how they carry themselves, the sketchy live-fast activity. The MC comes across pretty genuine in caring for his boy, describing the perpetually poor mentality and ebbs & flows of binges. We really feel like we're in his eyes, brain, and body. Even the way Rainey describes how things are facing or objects without a name is with such ease, I'm envious.
This is exactly what indie lit should be: uncensored, gritty fun, wild concepts, and writing that's vivid as drugs. If you read his On Percs: Facebooking While Intoxicated or Terrible Advice, this is even better, a solid straight-up story.
They weren't part of it, but it sure looks fishy when the fat goth croaks in his office after text threats involving the infamous Lemon Party video. It doesn't help that the boys are always scrapping, packing heat, and stealing blow all around town. They can hardly lay low, especially in Dracula and Minion outfits for the entirety of the book. Not when they're roofing beers onto the 7-Eleven or dashing after dining on half a dozen baskets of Red Lobster biscuits or making the rounds to their plug in Newport sweats.
One of the lighter lines describes somebody with "the personality of an inbred raccoon." The cast is scuzzball perfection: an ATV-owning ex Tommy played to get complimentary Arby's, a loveable gas station schitzo, a dentist doing favors for scat, the quiver-voiced dandy willing to cash their big check for a couple of "favors," the arrogant deadbeat dad hiding out in the woods. Also, shoutout to The Sneaker Pimps.
This is an author not afraid to beat the shit out of his characters, color his hometown in shades of (c)rust. It's nice how different the boys can seem (head injury aside), tapping into what I didn't know was such a ghetto white boy hierarchy. They don't talk annoyingly whacky/accented in dialogue. It's all about the clothes, how they carry themselves, the sketchy live-fast activity. The MC comes across pretty genuine in caring for his boy, describing the perpetually poor mentality and ebbs & flows of binges. We really feel like we're in his eyes, brain, and body. Even the way Rainey describes how things are facing or objects without a name is with such ease, I'm envious.
This is exactly what indie lit should be: uncensored, gritty fun, wild concepts, and writing that's vivid as drugs. If you read his On Percs: Facebooking While Intoxicated or Terrible Advice, this is even better, a solid straight-up story.
August 5, 2024
I’m a Rainey fan through and through. Dad Meat, Lil stinkers, On Percs, even his Christmas album, I love it all.
With that said I’m not exaggerating when I say Delco Dirtball is a masterpiece. Hilarious from cover to cover; the audiobook takes it to a new level and I’m excited for the second version to come out.
Seriously if you want a quick read that will make you laugh this is the perfect book.
With that said I’m not exaggerating when I say Delco Dirtball is a masterpiece. Hilarious from cover to cover; the audiobook takes it to a new level and I’m excited for the second version to come out.
Seriously if you want a quick read that will make you laugh this is the perfect book.
August 2, 2024
Funny and a great read from start to finish!
August 15, 2024
Rainey gets better and better with practice. This book is a quick, hilarious read. I think I put it down once in the last three hours.
Once you acclimate to the stream-of-consciousness outpouring of Delco detail, you’ll find yourself yearning for the days of riding around on your friends’ pegs and sustaining your Opiod addiction through part time seasonal work and the occasional strong arm robbery.
The cast of characters in this book is the equivalent of a Philadelphia set Carl Hiassen novel. I really can’t wait to see what Rainey can achieve with his next go round.
Once you acclimate to the stream-of-consciousness outpouring of Delco detail, you’ll find yourself yearning for the days of riding around on your friends’ pegs and sustaining your Opiod addiction through part time seasonal work and the occasional strong arm robbery.
The cast of characters in this book is the equivalent of a Philadelphia set Carl Hiassen novel. I really can’t wait to see what Rainey can achieve with his next go round.
November 18, 2024
This book is good, not great. It's clear Mike is still finding a style.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews