Pushin' Cushions

by Vera Valentine, Unfortunate Reads

Dennis J. Rance has been under immense pressure since being chosen as the Vice Presidential Candidate. His running mate is a dumpster fire, his wife left him, and he’s working 90 hours a week. He desperately needs a break, and decides it’s time to take care of himself for once.

So what’s a man to do when he’s alone and needs release? Well, Dennis is a little…different. When his unusual “usual” methods fail, it’s time to indulge in one of his most forbidden desires. It worked for him in college with that ratty old couch, and this new one is just so plush.

But Dennis doesn’t know this furniture has a sinister secret of its own…

Pushin’ Cushions is a parody sentient object romance intended for audiences over 18 years old. This story contains intimate relations between a human man and demon-possessed furniture. Check interior content considerations for a full list of information, and read at your own risk!

Genres: Novella, Paranormal, Short Stories, Humor, Paranormal Romance, Erotica, Romance

44 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 27, 2024

Reviews

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Justice for Cat Ladies!

A disturbing and horrifyingly delightful political satire. This was so crazy and these two ladies went for it. No jokes were not pushed to an uncomfortable place. Every opportunity was taken and I love that.

A highly entertaining half hour for those brave enough to get past the content warnings. There is erotic dolphin love, irrational cat-lady hate and weird couch sex between a vice presidential candidate and a leather lounger. It’s a lot. 😂



*******************************







Omg the blurb for this sent me 😂 😂

[Izzie (on pause) McFussy · Rating 4 out of 5]

If a dystopian Portnoy’s Complaint could mingle DNA with Swopes, it couldn’t get better than this.

🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, how could I resist this gem? Yeah, I heard all the stories about JD Vance and the couch. Little uncomfortable, but we’ve all had our unrestricted crimes of passion, right? And, as if the premise wasn’t enough, there was a demon involved, too. Because that’s exactly what this needed to bring this smutty story to the next level. It all did feel a bit rushed and I really wanted more to the conclusion. But there was still much more to enjoy here than take issue with. Just a fun idea and, with the election tomorrow, I absolutely had to dive into this book.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

BUDDY READ WITH ZANA

Graphic, wacky, cringe-inducing satire, reminiscent of an episode of The Boys.

This book was hilarious and also made me sick to my stomach.

I enjoy that this little story exists.

[Melinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comedy gold! I don’t know if I’ve ever laughed so much reading a book. This had me horrified cackling for a solid 25 minutes. One of the funniest things I’ve ever read with so many hilarious quotes.

[scthoughts · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fever dream. Not as wild as my experience with Cold Sweat but it still got some laughs out of me.

I hate that I'm thinking about couches as cuckolds now. 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

[Biblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

“But Dennis was a man now, with a man’s couch to fuck, and by God was he going to.” This is such a trip. I was crying the entire time from laughing so hard. Vera and Cassie’s minds should be preserved for life so I can read chaotic sentient object stories forever. I absolutely loved this one. It’s the perfect combo of ridiculous, hilarious, maddening and the perfect revenge.

[Brooke]

⭐️ NO RATING ⭐️

Oh yeah, this couch wanted to be bred.

Pushin’ Cushions was even weirder than the last one I read from this author. Not really rateable, mostly ‘cause I have no idea WTF I just read. But also, I wanted more couch smut. Have I fallen into the sentient object romance rabbit hole? And are there more about couches? Asking for a friend..

“You want this cock, don't you? You want me to fuck these cushions deep.”

Tropes and NSFW info (spoilers):
- Demon-possessed furniture
- Mentions of dolphin fetish? (Off page)
- Mild humiliation kink
- Couch spanking
- Dub-con?
- Non-HEA?
So many question marks lol. Like I said, Idk what I just read.

[MissBecka Gee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alright, so I had no idea what to expect and was still surprised.
These two authors are magical together!
Two complete wordsmiths using all the fun phrases they had in their pockets.
I giggled through most of this book and then BAM they add another layer.
It is kinda what I was expecting, but also totally nothing I would have expected.
I love this for me!

[Adriana Gonzalez · Rating 5 out of 5]

As long as Vera keeps writing them I’ll keep reading them and probably giving them 5⭐️s!

[Taramisu · Rating 5 out of 5]

In collaboration with Unfortunate Reads, Vera Valentine takes on the very ripe-for-mockery, walking disaster that is a certain U.S. Vice Presidential candidate. One could say that parody of this guy almost writes itself, but the sheer level of irreverent hilarity could only come from this team.

From an internet search for Fin Fu@kers to a dirty Davenport, these two authors hold back no punches as they paint the picture of DJ Rance, a recovered incel looking for a bit of stress relief.

But this story wouldn't truly belong to Vera Valentine without a good dose of heart. The truly inspired Twilight Zone-esque ending had me smiling an evil little grin. And while this is no HEA, it surely gave me the same little tickle of joy in my belly that will stick with me for days.

[Ash]

Honorary 6/5. So dumb. So perfect.
Don't recommend, also a must read.

[Amie]

“Oh yeah this couch wanted to be bred”…😆😆 a demon couch, absolutely hilarious in its ridiculousness, so great

[buzzcutbiblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Oh yeah, this couch wanted to be bred”
💀💀💀

Nothing better than a Vera/Cassie combo. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun with a read. This was hilarious in just the right way - I witch cackled multiple times 😂

So when will I stop looking around at things and wishing Cassie would write about them? Clearly not today. Probably not ever.

[Livvy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vera Valentine truly has unmatched skill. Her sentient object books aren’t only totally ridiculous and hilarious, they’re actually great books. I’m unironically hooked.

The same goes for Pushin’ Cushions, Valentine’s recent sentient object book. The political sentient object book follows vice present candidate Dennis J. Rance, his hatred for cats, his hate for childless women with cats, and his beloved couch.

Furthermore, I was laughing out loud at the references to our current political election. I usually read to escape from the real world, but I was laughing until tears came out of my eyes. Pushin’ Cushions pokes fun in a lighthearted manner and I can see myself rereading this book again.

In conclusion, Vera Valentine’s wacky sentient object books are not only well written and laugh-out-loud hilarious, but the plot is always engaging. Lastly, Valentine has my upmost respect for finding the perfect medium of ridiculous humor and an engaging storyline.

[Amity Malcom · Rating 5 out of 5]

“He hated cats with every fiber of his being, almost as much as he hated the childless women that took them in. Vile, unnatural creatures, the both of them, subverting American values.”

If Vera has a hand in it, I’m going to read it. And better yet, I know I’m going to freaking LOVE it. This quick, witty satire was no different and was a delectable bright spot in an often dark political climate.

[Hungry Rye · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a roller coaster.

[rogue_reads_romance · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a political sentient object romance novella (29 pages). Tropes: man x couch, political figure MMC, dolphin corn, average MMC, plush couch, dirty talking MMC, naughty couch that encourages dirty talk, innocent couch turned demonic. This was a 5/5 spice for me.

Dennis (MMC) is feeling drained by political campaigning. He decides to unwind by flipping open his laptop and pulling up his favorate corn site. Tonight, he's feeling a bit more adventurous, reminiscing about his past furniture forking endeavors. He's been eyeing the couch in his office for a long time, and tonight just may be the night he makes his move.

Couch (main sentient object (MSO)) has been patienty waiting for someone to take notice of it's luscious cushions. Dennis is such a tease, watching his corn. That is, unitl Dennis turns is attention to the cushions. Can this dirty talking politician fork the demon right out of his couch?

[Alicia Ceasar · Rating 5 out of 5]

It had to be done.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

You wouldn’t think a story about a vice presidential candidate fucking a couch would be based on current events, but here we are. This is the reality we live in. Whether there is any truth to those murmurs is inconsequential. The denizens of the internet have immortalized a certain veep hopeful in a slew of memes, and now, this political sentient object romance short story. This one is for fans of sentient object romance, bizarro horror, and just plain weird stuff.

[Zana · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's been over a week since I've read this and I'm still wondering why JD my bad, Dennis J. Rance didn't lube up before fucking the leather couch.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spectacular. Horrifying. Hilarious. Absolutely worth my time.

[Haku · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book would be a lot better if was expanded by 20 pages. It felt rushed and left on a clifhanger. I would really like to see what would happen next to the main character.
(Also I did not like the fact that the main character had a dolphin fetish😭)

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

The hilarious intersection of political satire and inanimate object KU novellas.

[Metella · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't think I could be further away from god rn

[Arianna ✨ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was literally laughing out loud at this book because it was so wacky and wild. I know what it was inspired by, but it took some turns I certainly didn’t expect. Vera Valentine is big on writing sentient object novellas that are super unhinged & this was exactly that. But I did find myself asking “wtf just happened” multiple times while reading this novella.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Now this was something.. I could not hold back my laughter. Poor Dennis but at the same time what a sucker and to be stuck with a cat lady. He needed help before being sucked into a demon possessed couch. You will be in for a good laugh with this one.

[Poetry Drive · Rating 5 out of 5]

HILARIOUS absolutely hilarious and well written. 100/5 stars. A must read for a good laugh about the ridiculous world we live in currently.

[Ashley ADirtyRead · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hear me out okay - what if...what if...this actually happens though 🤔 🤣 I'd be dead bro. Like... justice and the beginning of this - I hate that I can see this actually happening the whole set up 🤣🤣

BIGGEST take aways
Be careful where you stick your stick
Don't sit on anyone's couch
There is a huge difference between s and z 🤣

[Robyn G · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having to stifle my laughter while trying to put my son to bed while reading this 😂
Vera Valentine and Unfortunate Reads just out here writing whatever pops in their heads and I'm here reading it 😂