Have you ever met a relaxed woman? Would you like to become one? Psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs draws on the latest science and extensive therapeutic experience to dispel the myth that relaxing is lazy and show women how to reclaim rest as a path to healing, freedom, and joy.
We have become a society of rushing women, overburdened women, exhausted women. Women whose lives are plagued with stress, guilt, and burnout. We try so hard to do it all—to be the perfect partners, mothers, daughters, colleagues, friends—only to end up feeling not good enough, unappreciated, and lonely. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
In The Relaxed Woman, psychologistNicola Jane Hobbs explores how stress negatively impacts our minds, bodies and relationships, and illuminates a path towards reclaiming relaxation as a form of liberation. Weaving together neuroscience and psychology with inspirational stories from women who are discovering the transformational power of rest for themselves, Nicola guides us on a journey to becoming relaxed women who have untangled their sense of worth from their productivity, who can rest without guilt and anxiety, who trust their intuitions, honor their needs, and live by their deepest values.
Filled with simple rest rituals we can weave into our busy lives, healing practices to help regulate our nervous systems, and practical strategies to support us in navigating the unavoidable stressors of life, The Relaxed Woman is an empowering, restful guide for all of us who long to live more joyful, authentic lives. Because we deserve more than being constantly exhausted. We deserve to be relaxed women, women who know our worth and our power—women who, together, can change the world.
Book Review: The Relaxed Woman: Reclaim Rest and Live an Empowered, Joy-Filled Life by Nicola Jane Hobbs
As a female sociologist and public health professional, I approached Nicola Jane Hobbs’ The Relaxed Woman with both professional curiosity and personal resonance. Hobbs’ work—a blend of neuroscience, psychology, and feminist self-help—challenges the toxic productivity culture that disproportionately burdens women, framing rest not as indulgence but as a radical act of resistance and healing.
Emotional and Intellectual Resonance Hobbs’ critique of the “rushing woman syndrome” struck a visceral chord. Her analysis of how stress becomes gendered—internalized as guilt, perfectionism, and self-sacrifice—mirrors sociological research on the “second shift” and public health data on women’s rising burnout rates. As someone who studies structural inequities, I appreciated her systemic lens: she doesn’t blame women for their exhaustion but exposes the societal forces that normalize it.
The book’s emphasis on embodied rest (e.g., nervous system regulation practices) felt revolutionary. Hobbs bridges the personal and political, showing how individual healing can fuel collective change. Her inclusion of diverse women’s stories—though occasionally leaning toward anecdotal—added emotional weight, reminding me of public health narratives that center lived experience as evidence.
Yet, I also felt frustration. While Hobbs excels at diagnosing the problem, her solutions often privilege individual agency over structural advocacy. For example, her “rest rituals” are beautifully crafted but could be paired with calls for policy changes (e.g., paid leave, equitable caregiving support). As a public health professional, I longed for more intersectional analysis: how do race, class, and disability intersect with women’s access to rest?
Constructive Critique -Structural Blind Spots: The book’s focus on personal transformation risks obscuring systemic barriers. A deeper engagement with feminist political theory (e.g., Silvia Federici’s work on reproductive labor) would strengthen its critique of capitalism’s role in exhaustion. -Scientific Rigor: While Hobbs cites neuroscience, some claims lack nuanced discussion of limitations (e.g., the vagus nerve’s role in stress). Collaboration with health researchers could bolster her evidence base. -Inclusivity Gaps: Most narratives center cisgender, middle-class experiences. Future editions could highlight marginalized women’s resilience strategies, such as community care models in BIPOC communities.
Why This Book Matters The Relaxed Woman is a vital antidote to the “hustle culture” plaguing modern womanhood. Hobbs’ blend of warmth and rigor makes it accessible to both academic and general audiences. For sociologists, it’s a case study in gendered labor; for public health practitioners, a manifesto for integrating rest into health equity frameworks.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a free review copy. This book left me both validated and unsettled—a testament to its power. It’s not just a guide to resting; it’s a call to reimagine a world where women’s worth isn’t tied to their output.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with Rest Is Resistance (Hersey) for a racial justice lens, or Burnout (Nagoski) for a deeper dive into stress science. A compassionate, if imperfect, contribution to feminist wellness literature.
This book has changed my life. I am so grateful that Nicola Jane Hobbs wrote this beautiful book, a book clearly written with kindness and sensitivity - exactly what is needed to approach this topic and speak to the women who need this book.
Currently struggling from burnout, this book really spoke to me. Reading it, there’s a lot of things I felt like I should already know, I SHOULD know it’s okay to rest and say no and not conform to the patriarchal idea of an “unrelaxed woman”. And yet I didn’t, I still didn’t believe that I deserved to rest and find joy. This book is incredibly reassuring and talks you through the process of resetting your nervous system and finding your inner relaxed woman.
I learnt a lot from this book. Hobbs explains the signs and symptoms of burnout and exhaustion, the physical, emotional and mental. Before reading this book I didn’t realise I was burnt out, I just knew something was really wrong. This book has helped me identify what’s caused this burn out and provides an excellent guide to find your way out of it.
I listened to the audiobook and found Nicola’s voice to be extremely soothing and reassuring. It really gave me the sense of having her hold my hand throughout this journey. I have, however, since bought the physical book to flick back through so I can do the activities again and read the reminders I need going forward.
This book is so important. It’s for every woman I know. Every woman who has been told they can have it all and gone away thinking I now NEED to have it all, regardless of the toxic productivity and burnout they face along the way. I truly hope this book helps you find your inner relaxed woman!
The Relaxed Woman feels like a deep exhale in book form. What I appreciated most was how it expands the idea of rest—reminding us that relaxation isn’t just bubble baths and naps, but also boundaries, solitude, creativity, and mindful movement.
The tone is calm but honest, and refuses to let you glorify burnout. It’s not about perfection or productivity—it’s about presence.
Reading it left me with a steady sense of ease, and a deeper respect for the many forms of rest that sustain us.
A continuation worth exploring: how rest looks different depending on the season of your life—and what kind of stillness actually refuels you.
‘Als we vragen: ‘Ben ik goed genoeg?’, vragen we eigenlijk: ‘Ben ik veilig? Is het veilig om te rusten? Is het veilig om niet perfect te zijn? Kan ik wel veilig mezelf zijn?’
A great read if you or a woman in your life is overworked/overwhelmed and needs some help finding more joy and peace.
Through an easy to understand breakdown behind the reasons why women in our time find it impossible to "relax" (really, with this word Hobbs means honor yourself with rest by finding your authentic self and setting your priorities straight). As she uncovers reasons, she also provides exercises to help you evaluate how you fell into the same state as so many other women. The first portion is educational and the latter parts are focused on recovery through self-discovery.
I was honestly expecting this to be just another average self help book but I found it extremely insightful and genuinely helpful. I will be recommending it to all of the women in my life so, if you're reading this review you're already in the right place, so please at least consider picking up a copy.
rozczarowanie, choć sam początek był obiecujący. Niestety im dalej tym więcej powtórzeń i czułam się trochę jakbym słuchała „giving and receiving speech” Joeya z Przyjaciół (iykwim). Dodatkowo nie ma w niej dla mnie nic odkrywczego, a jeden z ostatnich rozdziałów o manifestacjach jeszcze bardziej obniżył ocenę. Szkoda, bo byłam podekscytowana na czytanie tej książki.
This was a beautiful book, I listened to it and her voice was so meditative. So worth a listen if you ever feel guilty for resting or relaxing.. or you just want a soothing read ✨
I preordered this book before it was released and cracked it open within hours of receiving it. It lived up to everything I had hoped for. I loved that she provided solid research and facts, but also chapters of tangible practices and rituals to put it all into practice. I honestly felt more relaxed every time I opened this book. I underlined things on nearly every page, have notes written in the margins and have highlighted the journaling prompts I want to go back to and explore. Will probably gift this to every woman I know I loved it so much 😂
I am a deep believer in "and". We can rest deeply AND work hard. We can honor our bodies needs AND pursue our dreams. This book and the tools provided was deeply validating that we cant undue stressful, traumatic experiences we've been through; but we can recover and reset our bodies, minds and soul. A must read!
What a way to start a book. Nicola Jane Hobbs opens that by thirteen, she had stopped resting and started tying her worth to achievement and people-pleasing, a story many women share. She unpacks how our nurturing instincts, and societal expectations, have been exploited by a culture that leaves women exhausted,drained and undervalued.
Blending neuroscience, personal stories, and practical tools, Hobbs argues that rest isn’t indulgent, it’s essential. The book is strongest when it names how deeply ingrained expectations keep women running, and how rest can be a quiet form of rebellion. She acknowledges the horrors happening in the world, and how rest might seem inappropriate or tone deaf but insists that’s exactly why we must imagine something better for ourselves and our communities.
The book offers a lot: ideas, rituals, reflections. For some, it may feel like too much at once, but it works well as a menu, not a mandate. Hobbs ends with: “I do not want to be remembered as a woman who was always exhausted.” How relatable.
For those healing from hustle culture and those that are burned out…. Those whose souls are weary, who feel overwhelmed by life, work, or motherhood…..For the overachievers or type A’s, and/or the enneagram 3’s…
A book every women in this century should read! First time i heared about intergenerational trauma and it awakened a lot of thoughts. Covers so many important aspects of the urge, rush, pressure we feel due to society and old patterns and gives useful advice how to change the narrative bit by bit.
i love a book full of evidenced based theories and GOOD research it’s my bread and butter fr- polyvagel theory, IFS, attachment theory, etc.- i ate it all up thank you🤌🏼 truly obsessed with this book
A much more political book than the title suggests with important views on the patriarchal reasons we might not be! The second part containing insightful tips about knowing yourself better, your unrelaxed habits, and ways to lead a better life.
Book Review: The Relaxed Woman: Reclaim Rest and Live an Empowered, Joy-Filled Life by Nicola Jane Hobbs
As a female sociologist and public health professional, I approached Nicola Jane Hobbs’ The Relaxed Woman with both professional curiosity and personal resonance. Hobbs’ work—a blend of neuroscience, psychology, and feminist self-help—challenges the toxic productivity culture that disproportionately burdens women, framing rest not as indulgence but as a radical act of resistance and healing.
Emotional and Intellectual Resonance Hobbs’ critique of the “rushing woman syndrome” struck a visceral chord. Her analysis of how stress becomes gendered—internalized as guilt, perfectionism, and self-sacrifice—mirrors sociological research on the “second shift” and public health data on women’s rising burnout rates. As someone who studies structural inequities, I appreciated her systemic lens: she doesn’t blame women for their exhaustion but exposes the societal forces that normalize it.
The book’s emphasis on embodied rest (e.g., nervous system regulation practices) felt revolutionary. Hobbs bridges the personal and political, showing how individual healing can fuel collective change. Her inclusion of diverse women’s stories—though occasionally leaning toward anecdotal—added emotional weight, reminding me of public health narratives that center lived experience as evidence.
Yet, I also felt frustration. While Hobbs excels at diagnosing the problem, her solutions often privilege individual agency over structural advocacy. For example, her “rest rituals” are beautifully crafted but could be paired with calls for policy changes (e.g., paid leave, equitable caregiving support). As a public health professional, I longed for more intersectional analysis: how do race, class, and disability intersect with women’s access to rest?
Constructive Critique -Structural Blind Spots: The book’s focus on personal transformation risks obscuring systemic barriers. A deeper engagement with feminist political theory (e.g., Silvia Federici’s work on reproductive labor) would strengthen its critique of capitalism’s role in exhaustion. -Scientific Rigor: While Hobbs cites neuroscience, some claims lack nuanced discussion of limitations (e.g., the vagus nerve’s role in stress). Collaboration with health researchers could bolster her evidence base. -Inclusivity Gaps: Most narratives center cisgender, middle-class experiences. Future editions could highlight marginalized women’s resilience strategies, such as community care models in BIPOC communities.
Why This Book Matters The Relaxed Woman is a vital antidote to the “hustle culture” plaguing modern womanhood. Hobbs’ blend of warmth and rigor makes it accessible to both academic and general audiences. For sociologists, it’s a case study in gendered labor; for public health practitioners, a manifesto for integrating rest into health equity frameworks.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a free review copy. This book left me both validated and unsettled—a testament to its power. It’s not just a guide to resting; it’s a call to reimagine a world where women’s worth isn’t tied to their output.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with Rest Is Resistance (Hersey) for a racial justice lens, or Burnout (Nagoski) for a deeper dive into stress science. A compassionate, if imperfect, contribution to feminist wellness literature.
I listened to this book thanks to Penguin Random House audiobook.
I really enjoyed that the audiobook was read in a way that it wasn't just being read from the book but you could tell the narrator was reading it in a way that gave you time to think and knew it was an audiobook as a nonfiction book.
This is a book I'd buy for my shelf and underline and annotate parts that meant the most to me. I did definitely take away many points to help me be a more relaxed woman which is way easier said than done.
Thank You to Penguin Random House for sending me an ARC! This book came to me at the right time as I was dealing with several life changes. I wasn’t relaxed and I could feel stress manifesting during times that I should be unwinding for the day. This book also discussed ways that a relaxed woman also helps all the other members of the family.
I like the message overall and I think it's an important one but there's a bit too much of the victim-hood mindset here that really hurts men which is "women suffer so much because of the patriarchy". Girl, we all do and it's not just the patriarchy. Maybe let's focus more on what we can change and not so much on who's to blame as if we have no responsibility in this.
Also, "a form of listening driven by curiosity, where the goal is to enter another person's reality, to understand without judgement" (page 248) is not "radical" listening. It's called active listening. No need to be that dramatic, imo.
Care may have political aspects but I'm of the opinion that with that lense everything is political then, which means nothing is.
Other than these things, I liked a lot of the practical tips. I feel like this book could have had much more value per word by sticking to the practical and reflective questions more.
I only made it about 20 pages into The Relaxed Woman, and unfortunately, that was enough for me to know this book wasn’t going to be for me. Rather than getting practical advice on how to relax and manage stress, I felt like an obnoxious amount of time was spent blaming the patriarchy for women’s struggles and framing women as victims.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs, but I’m not picking up a book about relaxation to hear political commentary or how much the author dislikes the patriarchy. I wanted to learn different practices I could actually use to feel more relaxed—not debate gender politics. You can absolutely be a strong, empowered woman without being anti-man, and I personally found the messaging far too distracting from what I thought the book was supposed to be about. DNF at 20 pages.
I like how the author encourages taking breaks from the book and reflecting. This feels like multiple self help books mixed into one. Unfortunately I know a lot of this already due to being a therapist lol. It got a little woowoo at times, and I don’t think I like when pop psychology mixes the two; it gives the wrong message imo
I had to quit the audiobook because the narrator was SO horrible. She genuinely sounds like that tik tok audio where the guy would sing like an indie/folk artist and said “welllcommee to moiiiyyy kieeeeaatchennnn. We have bananeeeeyss and avoocoidoosss”
That, combined with my lack of interest, made me DNF at 74%.
I adored listening to this book so much that I’m ordering a physical copy and plan to go through and highlight bits that resonate (which will probably be all of it!)
Nicola’s voice is so soothing and all of the recommendations or ‘menu’ options seem to come from a genuine place of kindness. Rest in resistance to the patriarchy and so many other wonderful principles that, as an aspiring clinical psychologist and aspiring yoga teacher myself, completely align with my own values and inspired me throughout.
3.5 ⭐️ A good book to mark up, annotate, write out your learnings, and go back and reflect. Really great for women who have a difficult time lowering their cortisol levels. it has good manageable tips and research on different areas of maintaining your stress levels. I really enjoy a self help book with reflections at the end of chapters which this one has. Can definitely skip through and take what you need from this.