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512 pages, Paperback
First published April 29, 2025
࿐ "There will never be a day, a night, a minute, a moment, a breath where you aren't destructively mine. And I hope it fucking terrifies you.”
── .✦ In a world of deception and aliases, Rocky is one of the few people who truly knows the real me.
── .✦ It's attractive-how much Rocky can read into my actions like I'm an open book, when I feel like I've always lived untouched and lost on a dusty shelf. How long has he held the pages of who I am? How long has he loved each messy line? How long have I loved the pages of who he is?
── .✦ I love when I stare at Phoebe across a crowd of people-it's like we're in a dreamscape of our own making. One that only we can see. This is what I've always shared with her. A great, unyielding truth beneath hundreds of lies.
“There will never be a day, a night, a minute, a moment, a breath where you aren’t destructively mine. And I hope it fucking terrifies you.”
He can be a little uptight and prickly about following rules, but it’s endearing.
“I tried so hard," Hailey says. "I tried so hard to find answers, but I can't do it. It's all I'm good for and—“
"Hailey, stop," I cry. "You're beautiful—"
"You're gorgeous," Hailey professes from her core, tears streaming down her face again.
I clutch her cheeks with two hands. "You're brilliant, more brilliant than I could ever be."
She chokes on a sob. "So brilliant that I'm a useless mess here. I'm nothing. I'm no one."
"You're my best friend," I say from deep within. "If you're no one then so am I."
"You're counting on me to find answers."
My body caves. "You don't need to."
She's shaking her head.
"Hailey, you don't." I blink, and hot tears wet my cheeks. "You don't have to know everything. You could know nothing, and I'd still love you." We’re both crying now.
She clutches my cheeks, too, holding on to me.
Her chin quakes, and she squeaks out, "I'm not as smart as everyone needed me to be."
"That's okay." I rub at her cheeks. "Because I don't love you just because you're smart. You could be dumb as dirt, and I'd still love my dumb-as-dirt best friend."
She sobs harder and crumples into my body like a wounded bird.
I wrap my arms around her, hugging her.”
His eyes meet mine like I’m your fucking boyfriend, Phebs. I can get this for you.
My heart flip-flops. I press my lips together.
“Yeah, okay,” I say nonchalantly. “You can buy it.”
“Don’t sound so enthused.”
“Ohh thank you so much, Rocky. I flail against the shelf and put my hand to my forehead. What would I ever do without you?” I stake a glare on him. “Better?”
“You’re such a—”
“Wonderful, kind-hearted, gracious soul.”
“Drama queen.”
I scoff. “Take it back.”
He’s smirking now. “No.” He’s walking backward down the aisle with the night-light.”
“I would kick Trent’s ass solo. All on me.” I flex my bicep, which produces a tiny bump of muscle. “Be fucking scared.”
“I am scared,” he says, “that you might pull a fucking tendon.”
I flip him off with both hands.
Rocky abandons his wallet, keys, Rolex, and phone on the dresser—just to get on the bed and seize my ankle. He yanks, and I splat flat on my back.
When I try to sit up, he pushes me down. His harsh gaze caresses me like molten sandpaper, and I can’t deny—I never want him to look away. He dips closer. “You call this a fight?”
I wriggle my legs under him, kicking frantically, but he roots me to the bed with such lazy effort, whereas I’m exerting every ounce of force in me.
Growling out, I try to reclaim my arms, but he has sufficiently pinned me.
I squirm.
He grips and imprisons.
She scoops water in her mouth and spits a stream at my face.
I fight a smile. “Mature.” I splash her back.
"The most mature." She splashes me, then I dunk her, and we're wrestling in the lake with dozens of happy-go-lucky, oblivious teenagers swimming around us.
For a minute, I feel her holding on to me. Hugging me. I cup the back of her head, more affectionately, and I consider kissing her. I would if I knew it wouldn't ruin our positions in the job, which would infuriate Phoebe.
Then she ends the embrace and plants two hands on my head, trying to dunk me. I have her by the waist, and we're fighting all over again. On repeat.
Over and over.
When she slows, water beads down her face and catches her lashes. Her lips dip beneath the surface of the lake.
I'm so in love with her.
I can't control it. I just feel it growing,
intensifying, devastating me.
And I hope it obliterates me.
Every single day of my life.
“Rocky,” she cries, a needy little fucking cry.
With a fistful of hair, I pull her head back, and her glare hits me from upside down, especially as I say, “What were you saying about not begging me?”
“Shut up,” she growls.
I like his heart.
I think I’ve always liked their hearts the most. How deep they are. How you can keep reaching and reaching, but you’ll never touch the bottom. It’s easy to just . . . fall into.
His gaze falls to the bikini I’m holding. “That one is fucking trashy.”
“There will never be a day, a night, a minute, a moment, a breath where you aren’t destructively mine. And I hope it fucking terrifies you.”
“And I just think, It’s me and Rocky. It’s always been me and Rocky. From the beginning. Until the end. No one else could ever take his place. I’ve told Rocky this so many times, it might as well be a nightly prayer.”
“They raised us,” he says. “For better or worse, they’ve molded our lives into what they are, and there’s no going back from what we’ve done. I already know who I am. I’ve always known who I am.” Flames flicker against the darkness of his eyes. He touches a hand to his chest. “Spider.”
He points to Trevor. “I’m your brother.” Then he looks to Hailey. “I’m your brother.” Then to Oliver. “I’m your family.” Then Nova. “I’m your family.”
His gaze lands on me and the intensity tunnels through me in a long beat. “I’m yours,” he says into a sheltered breath. The unsaid words cling to the air: I’ve always been yours.”
“I’ve questioned what I believe more these past months than I have my whole life, and it comes down to this. I believe in our love. I believe in the love that’s high voltage, the love that raises dead towns. The love that keeps you running when you’re on empty. The love that falls down with you—just so it can be there to drag you back up. I believe in love that has no room for failure because all it knows how to do is survive. I believe in our love—the love of six people who only had each other to trust and lean on. All I know is our love.”
The Graves and Tinrocks—we were all just a merry little gang of heathens in hell together.
I loved it that way.
“I’m a great liar.” I sit up more . . . “Case in point, this whole town believes I’m happily with Jake when I’m actually unhappily with you.”