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When We Were Ashes
When the grey bus came to take Rainor Schacht and his friends in the ward for disabled children to a remote hospital called Trutzburg, they had no idea what dark reality awaited them.
No one would tell them what to expect — not Nurse Hilde; not Peter Berger, the kind bus driver; not Dr. Lutz, who ran the Nazi hospital with ruthless efficiency.
Years later, with Berger’s coded diary in hand, Rainor sets out to find Emmi, a fellow survivor of Trutzburg, who looked past Rainor’s disfigurement and elicited the magic that gave purpose to Rainor and solace to Emmi and the other children.
Set against the backdrop of the Second World War, Andrew Boden’s When We Were Ashes takes us to the chilling depths of Aktion T4, one of the darkest chapters in the history of Nazi Germany. In this hauntingly poignant novel, Rainor is led on an illuminating journey to learn the truth about his past and the even more extraordinary truth about his present.
No one would tell them what to expect — not Nurse Hilde; not Peter Berger, the kind bus driver; not Dr. Lutz, who ran the Nazi hospital with ruthless efficiency.
Years later, with Berger’s coded diary in hand, Rainor sets out to find Emmi, a fellow survivor of Trutzburg, who looked past Rainor’s disfigurement and elicited the magic that gave purpose to Rainor and solace to Emmi and the other children.
Set against the backdrop of the Second World War, Andrew Boden’s When We Were Ashes takes us to the chilling depths of Aktion T4, one of the darkest chapters in the history of Nazi Germany. In this hauntingly poignant novel, Rainor is led on an illuminating journey to learn the truth about his past and the even more extraordinary truth about his present.
Audio CD
Published September 17, 2024
7 people are currently reading
138 people want to read
About the author
Andrew Boden
8 books17 followersAndrew Boden is a writer and editor based in Burnaby, Canada.
His fiction and non-fiction have been published in numerous anthologies and magazines across Canada and the US, including the Journey Prize anthology. He was also a finalist in the Malahat Review’s 2016 and 2018 novella contests. Andrew was thrilled to co-edit Hidden Lives: Coming Out on Mental Illness, a ground-breaking anthology of evocative personal essays by writers who either suffer from or have close family members who have been diagnosed with a serious mental health or developmental disorder.
Andrew is also passionate about helping disadvantaged children learn to read. He is a director of Books Over Borders, a Canadian children’s literacy charity and has helped thousands of children in Afghanistan and Canada learn to read. When he’s not writing, you can find Andrew in hiking in the mountains or near the sea.
His fiction and non-fiction have been published in numerous anthologies and magazines across Canada and the US, including the Journey Prize anthology. He was also a finalist in the Malahat Review’s 2016 and 2018 novella contests. Andrew was thrilled to co-edit Hidden Lives: Coming Out on Mental Illness, a ground-breaking anthology of evocative personal essays by writers who either suffer from or have close family members who have been diagnosed with a serious mental health or developmental disorder.
Andrew is also passionate about helping disadvantaged children learn to read. He is a director of Books Over Borders, a Canadian children’s literacy charity and has helped thousands of children in Afghanistan and Canada learn to read. When he’s not writing, you can find Andrew in hiking in the mountains or near the sea.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
December 6, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed When We Were Ashes. Boden re-creates the nightmarish and lesser-known world of Nazi Germany's extermination of mentally and physically disabled individuals (in addition to other "undesirables"). The writing is crisp; the story and characters leap off the pages. I fell in love with the central characters. The book struck me as a cross between All the Light We Cannot See and Chronicles of a Death Foretold. Terrific read that will not disappoint.
June 3, 2025
Rainor is in love with Emmi, but Emmi dreams of marrying an SS officer while she knits a red scarf for the Fuhrer. One morning, Eva, Dieter, Uwe, Marie and the rest of ward six (a children’s ward in a hospital in Stuttgart) are taken by bus to a new hospital, a better hospital, one that looks like a castle where they will surely be treated like royalty. On the first morning, their breakfast is placed in the middle of the floor and not delivered on trays as usual, Emmi convinces the children they must have to eat less because of war rations.
With the assistance of Peter Berger, a man earning an extra 400 marks to drive disabled children to what he fears may be their deaths, a young boy named Rainor Schact escapes the Aktion T4 program in Nazi Germany through which children and adults with physical, mental and psychiatric disabilities were euthanized.
When Berger’s wife Suzanne dies, it is 1953 and Rainor is still searching for Emmi, the girl he loved, who he last saw returning to the hospital, so sure she was of their promise of a cure her of her mental illness.
When Rainor gets a hold of Berger’s encrypted journals, we are taken on a journey to the past where the story is revealed from the perspectives of a young Rainor and Peter Berger, who is simply trying to survive another war.
WHEN WE WERE ASHES is a page-turning, perfectly paced, heart-shattering novel of love, loss, a search for truth, and for proof of life in a place where there are only unmarked graves, winter boots, teeth in wheelbarrows and silent voices belonging to the children erased from history.
With the assistance of Peter Berger, a man earning an extra 400 marks to drive disabled children to what he fears may be their deaths, a young boy named Rainor Schact escapes the Aktion T4 program in Nazi Germany through which children and adults with physical, mental and psychiatric disabilities were euthanized.
When Berger’s wife Suzanne dies, it is 1953 and Rainor is still searching for Emmi, the girl he loved, who he last saw returning to the hospital, so sure she was of their promise of a cure her of her mental illness.
When Rainor gets a hold of Berger’s encrypted journals, we are taken on a journey to the past where the story is revealed from the perspectives of a young Rainor and Peter Berger, who is simply trying to survive another war.
WHEN WE WERE ASHES is a page-turning, perfectly paced, heart-shattering novel of love, loss, a search for truth, and for proof of life in a place where there are only unmarked graves, winter boots, teeth in wheelbarrows and silent voices belonging to the children erased from history.
June 13, 2025
“When We Were Ashes” is set in Germany during WW2. It offers parallel narratives in diary format:
The diary of a young boy named Rainor who, along with his enigmatic friend Emmi, are committed to a hospital for children with physical or mental disabilities and considered to be a burden to the country. They believe they are going to be treated but in reality are scheduled for extermination. Rainor and Emmi are able to escape. Rainor’s diary covers their time in the hospital in 1940 and his later life in 1953 when he tries desperately to track down Emmi again.
The diary of Herr Berger, in 1940, who is forced to drive the bus that takes the children to the hospital where they will be exterminated. He is guilt-ridden by the role he is forced to play. Health issues eventually overcome him.
“When We Were Ashes” is a very poignant and evocative novel about a dark time in human history. Personally, I have never been a big fan of diary entries as the structure for a novel. It always feels a bit disjointed to me. It works in this novel despite my personal preferences.
The diary of a young boy named Rainor who, along with his enigmatic friend Emmi, are committed to a hospital for children with physical or mental disabilities and considered to be a burden to the country. They believe they are going to be treated but in reality are scheduled for extermination. Rainor and Emmi are able to escape. Rainor’s diary covers their time in the hospital in 1940 and his later life in 1953 when he tries desperately to track down Emmi again.
The diary of Herr Berger, in 1940, who is forced to drive the bus that takes the children to the hospital where they will be exterminated. He is guilt-ridden by the role he is forced to play. Health issues eventually overcome him.
“When We Were Ashes” is a very poignant and evocative novel about a dark time in human history. Personally, I have never been a big fan of diary entries as the structure for a novel. It always feels a bit disjointed to me. It works in this novel despite my personal preferences.
August 16, 2025
I don't really know how to review this book. it is unlike anything I have ever read. It is heartbreaking, but also slightly disconnected and confusing. It is written as diary entries which is disjointed and oftentimes unnecessary. I think breaking it into chapters with the main characters may have worked better. I wanted to stop reading it a couple of times because I was somewhat lost, but ended up needing to know what happened in the end. This won't be the first WWII historical fiction I recommend to friends, but it was interesting.
February 6, 2025
I found this book kind of hard to follow and understand. Were we going for some sort of magical realism tinged story here? I wanted to see how it would end, so I finished it.
The narrators had the same voice, which was difficult to differentiate especially because I listened to the audiobook. The audiobook was also too much. The accents were so unnecessary.
I feel like the writing and the story both had potential that wasn’t properly realized or edited.
The narrators had the same voice, which was difficult to differentiate especially because I listened to the audiobook. The audiobook was also too much. The accents were so unnecessary.
I feel like the writing and the story both had potential that wasn’t properly realized or edited.
October 24, 2024
This haunting novel about the unthinkable cruelty of Nazi Germany is softened by the warmth (and heartbreak) of children's friendships, love and innocence. A worthwhile read.
October 10, 2025
Well written, difficult subject matter to read, held my attention to the very end.
October 26, 2024
A poignant and sentimental novel based on one of the darkest and least remembered chapters in the history of Nazi Germany. Superbly written!
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October 26, 2024I’ve listened to 2 hours with 7 more to go. I am DNF’ing this title.
I am really disliking the narration of this title. I have contemplated the extent to which my complete and utter dislike for the narration of this is affecting my judgment. I don’t think that the audio issue alone is cause for my dislike of the title.
I’m finding the “text” problematic as well. There is zero difference in voice between narrators. Indeed I’m really not even entirely clear on how many narrators there are - I think there are at least 2 (Rainor and Peter)... but I honestly can’t say whether that is all or there are more or less than that number.
And where Rainor is concerned, I have no idea whether he is speaking from the past or the present - actually as a child, or looking back on events when he was a child. Ultimately it doesn’t matter which is true - I don’t buy the child’s voice at all….
Mostly though I am just bored listening to this… Perhaps some of my complaint stems from now listening closely enough. I don’t know. It’s possible. But I do know that I have a massive TBR pile and this is not calling me to keep reading.
I am really disliking the narration of this title. I have contemplated the extent to which my complete and utter dislike for the narration of this is affecting my judgment. I don’t think that the audio issue alone is cause for my dislike of the title.
I’m finding the “text” problematic as well. There is zero difference in voice between narrators. Indeed I’m really not even entirely clear on how many narrators there are - I think there are at least 2 (Rainor and Peter)... but I honestly can’t say whether that is all or there are more or less than that number.
And where Rainor is concerned, I have no idea whether he is speaking from the past or the present - actually as a child, or looking back on events when he was a child. Ultimately it doesn’t matter which is true - I don’t buy the child’s voice at all….
Mostly though I am just bored listening to this… Perhaps some of my complaint stems from now listening closely enough. I don’t know. It’s possible. But I do know that I have a massive TBR pile and this is not calling me to keep reading.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews