Happy Housewives: I Was a Whining, Miserable, Desperate Housewife--But I Finally Snapped Out of It...You Can, Too!

by Darla Shine

Says former desperate housewife Darla Shine to stay-at-home moms What have you got to complain about? A modern-day guide to keeping house, raising kids, and loving life. Darla Shine was once a desperate housewife. Being at home with two small children and a husband who was rarely home was enough to drive her crazy. She left her high-profile job as a television producer after her son was born, while her husband continued to move up the corporate ladder. Like many of her stay-at-home-mom friends, Shine employed a housekeeper and baby-sitters so she could spend her time running to the salon, the club, and out to lunch. Then one day she was whining to her mother about how terrible her life was, and her mother yelled at her to wake up and stop being so selfish. It was just the wakeup call she needed! The desperate housewife craze of today is sending the wrong message to women and their children everywhere, says Shine. When did being a good mom and being proud to stay home with the kids go out of style? When did it become acceptable to cheat on your husband? When did mothers start dressing like their teenage daughters? Shine finds the standards of today's desperate housewives astonishingly low, and she has set out to teach women how they can be good mothers, look good, and feel good about the choices they make. Being a housewife does not mean you are on house arrest or can't be satisfied in your marriage. So step up, realize that you want to be home with your children, and embrace your life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Self Help

224 pages, Paperback

First published September 20, 2005

Reviews

[rachelle · Rating 1 out of 5]

Darla Shine's book about being a happy housewife starts off with very confrontational language, calling other housewives bitches, sluts and whores. The author is convinced that other people watch "Desperate Housewives" because they CAN SO RELATE. Note to Ms. Shine: It's a TV show. You know, on TV. It ain't real, sister.

If that doesn't win you over, you might appreciate her flip-floppy viewpoints. She shares an experience she had as a child, saying she had lunch at her friend's house and the friend's mother made a cute lunch complete with crustless triangle sandwiches and homemade milkshakes. She was charmed by the lunch and horrified when her friend was at Darla's house for lunch and Mom slapped together some sandwiches and didn't even bother to cut them in half.

Gasp. The horror.

In the next breath, the author says that her mother always put together wonderful meals.

What?

She goes on to say that you should BUY ORGANIC! You don't have to go out to eat. But hey, McDonald's yesterday was pretty darn yummy.

She does make some good points, but none of the information was really new. Any useful bits of common sense she had to offer were tucked in between condescending, accusatory language and I can't imagine how much of this got past an editor. I was hoping to put this book down feeling inspired to keep my chin up and armed with new ideas to make my home happier. Instead I felt I'd been lectured by a pompous, super-privileged ego looking to get its shine back by kicking everyone else in the shins.

[Natalie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow. I don't even know where to start with how many issues I had with this book. I would have given this absolutely no stars except I agree with 90% of the ideas this lady presents. But the completely holier-than-thou, condescending, crude, arrogant, judgmental way in which she presents these ideas made me ill. I didn't finish the book. The ideas are similar to The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, so read that instead! Here are a couple of my "favorite" quotes from the author who is obviously so perfect that she is writing this book to tell us all how to live our lives exactly like she does....

"I'd love to have a reality show where cameras follow me all day and I show the girls how to pull off the housewife gig." And she's serious.

"Why do so many women insist on doing everything with their husbands? I say have sex together, and that is pretty much all you need to do. Really, sometimes communicating with your husband is overrated."

It gets worse. She is also extremely judgmental of other women who don't "have it ALL together" like she does. And she is completely contradictory. She says that we need to be skinny (she makes sure we know she weighs 118 pounds), but then she openly mocks women who go to the gym during the day because we should be at home. Ummm, so be skinny, but don't be so selfish as to go to the gym?

Oh, and she has a very foul mouth. Don't read this book. Please.

Okay, I'll stop now.

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Folks, i loved it. It was just what I needed to hear, not that I was whinny or desperate by any means... It just inspired me to again get to work at my own happiness. It is not the responsibility of anyone else but myself.

[Nicole · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you like spending too much money, ignoring your children while "doing things for yourself", using sex to manipulate your husband, and think you deserve a round of applause just for cooking and cleaning, then this book is for you. If your self-esteem is already low, don't bother reading this book, as Mrs. Shine will lay out in detail all of the things that are already wrong about you, and really, really right about her.

One of Darla Shine's "tips" for making your husband happy (so that you can then turn around and manipulate him into buying you some new dining room furniture)is to throw away everything in your wardrobe that is over 1 year old, and buy all new clothes. My husband's response when I told him this was that he would divorce me and let me new husband pay for all new clothes! Obviously, he was joking, but Darla Shine obviously has no clue how people making under 6 figures survive (her husband is the senior vice president of Fox News, for crying out loud).

Mrs. Shine also does not advocate spending time with one's husband. She states that you can talk to and emotionally connect with your girlfriends, and that your husband just wants sex, not quality time or an emotional connection.

I'm very, very glad that I didn't spend money to buy this stinker of a book. I won it in a blog reader contest, so I have an extra copy if anyone would like to read about how GOOD Mrs. Shine is and how out-of-shape, lazy, spoiled, and fat YOU are.

[Ileah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw a lot of bad reviews of this book, so I guess I wasn't expecting it to be very good, but it was actually really enjoyable for me! I didn't consider myself an unhappy, desperate housewife, but I love to get ideas anywhere I can, and who doesn't have room for a little improvement? Here is a quote from the end of the book! Love it!

"Let's embrace our wifehood, our motherhood, our womanhood. Let's be the generation who finally says yes, we have the education and the opportunities; yes we have almost equal power in the workforce; yes, we have most of the spending power; yes, we can be all these things - but we choose to do what our hearts tell us!
We choose to go back home We choose to be with our children. We choose to be housewives. We choose to be homemakers. We choose to let our husbands be the breadwinners. We choose to not let all that we have fought for as women to now be portrayed as stupid, strung out, like desperate housewives. We're smarter than that."

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a book suggested at one of my book clubs, and I like a self help read every once in awhile, and I had been chatting with a friend about being a housewife and thought..why not try this one! Thinking maybe it was tips and strategies about being a good one....it is, but it isn't...I can't quite put my finger on what is so annoying about this book other than the author keeps telling me to shut up and enjoy my life every chapter, but I also agree with her on a lot of things, I just don't like how she goes about it in this book. It seems like she's had this brush with death, but not really, which has changed her perspective, and she's been living the high life of pedicures, boob jobs and weekly hair appointments while her family and kids are on the back burner, but she turns that all around, but it's almost more obnoxious for her to tell me how to do everything..even when I do agree with all that she says. She references the TV show "Desperate Housewives" a lot, and I think that is what motivated her to write this. Putting a positive spin on stay at home moms, but I couldn't help but think she was right there on Wisteria Lane herself.

I agree that mothers can take responsibility for their house, their kid, their role as a mother and take it seriously. I agree that it helps to make meals, play with my kids, and have nights out with my husband and my girlfriends, but I felt like if this lady was sitting next to me, I just may punch her in the face, because she comes off a bit know it all and high and mighty, and I just don't like the vibe. You can tell she probably has a lot of money and that hasn't been a struggle, because she encourages lots of things that maybe housewives and families that don't have that luxury wouldn't do, but she would just tell you to shut up and do it! You aren't getting younger and the kids will be gone. But I don't want to pre-judge too much, but I can appreciate someone that has found something that works for her, and wants to share, but man...if people don't ask...don't offer I would say. She writes some chapters about what she loves about her friends, but in the next paragraph highlights things that annoy her and how they are so different and don't value motherhood, she talks about healthy eating, and how she wanted to stop a mom buying all this junk food and educate her in the grocery store. That is just obnoxious for me..I'm sorry. Lots of people have stories that we know nothing about. For her to think the solution is all in throwing on some lipstick and jeans and a tight shirt for her husband before he comes home, and then he is putty in her hands, and buying everything organic will solve all your problems in life maybe has not as much to worry about as some.

Anyway, I plowed through the book mainly so I could dislike it appropriately. Not my cup of tea...I celebrate motherhood. I do think its the most important work I will do, and I like to do things that aren't maybe glamorous by the world standards, and I guess if there are so moms that read this, and get a "wake up call" as she puts it then great..but overall. Better books on being a wife and mother out there in my opinion.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book when I had little kids and my husband was never home. So I was the perfect audience for this book. It's a good one. Quit whining. Get to work. Clean your house. Cook healthy food. Good stuff.

As an aside, I read about kefir in Darla's book. I emailed her about it and she called me on the phone one day. She gave me ideas and sources where I could get some. She told me how much to take and when. This advice really improved the quality of my life! It cleared up my tummy issues overnight. I gave kefir to my kids and they stopped getting stomach flu all the time! I really owe Darla a big thanks. She's awesome.

[Challis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was impressed by Darla's ability to turn her life around and find true happiness in caring for her family and not to keep seeking it in all he superficial ways the rich and famous tend to go.
It was a motivational and instructional book written in a "one girl to another" type of way.
It was a big help to me at a time in my life when I needed a little jump start.
Also very good if you didn't have a great role model for a wife/mother

[Carleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! My sister bought it for me when she saw that I was a miserable, desperate housewife. It was exactly what I needed at exactly at the right time! There are many that are turned off by this book but you can't take it to personally. Take what works for you!

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great advice on cooking, cleaning, and making sure that you make the most of each day.

[Pam · Rating 1 out of 5]

Hmm, what can I say??? I *kind of* liked this book. I mean, I liked Shine's ideas and some of her recipes. I liked that she was all about being a happy housewife. But I also felt like she was really arrogant and always contradicting herself. At the beginning of the book she says that when she had her baby, she was going to the salon 3 times a week, brought home a random 20-year-old girl she met at the salon to watch her baby so she could take a nap, called a babysitter to watch her baby while she sipped her margarita at the pool. Then at the end of the book she says how when her first child was born, she couldn't leave him for a second. WHAT??? (I guess she forgot about all of her pedicures and the stranger she entrusted her child to.) I don't think I would recommend this book to anyone - mostly because she annoyed me. I kept thinking to myself that I hope I NEVER come across someone like her in my neighborhood, the PTA, or in a Mommy group or something! I think she has the right idea but isn't quite there yet herself. I mean, she talks about how you and your husband should just have a good sex life but that there is no need to communicate with each other. And she said if you want to make friends with the *worthy* people in the mommy group, to just be sure to look good and wear cute clothes. Everything felt so *surface* to me as I read the book. I think being a Happy Housewife is much deeper than that ... and that it deserves so much more respect than she could EVER give it. She DID make me want to stop complaining though, so I have to give her some props for that!

[Chantel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book while traveling to and in my spare time on a Caribbean cruise with fellow paperbackswap.com members. I traded the book during our wish list book swap. I am a housewife but I don't have kids so I expected that only 50% of it would apply to me. To be honest, not even that much did. The author encourages women who are stay-at-home moms to put on some lipstick and enjoy their homes, husbands and children. She says, so what if the house isn't always worthy of the "Better Homes and Gardens" photographers, you are raising kids, not furniture! It is a quick read for busy moms, it includes some kid-friendly recipes and basic housekeeping tips. The book is not my favorite on the topic, but might just be the encouraging word that you need! I applaud the blogger who wrote the book for getting out there and living her dream but seriously, it wasn't all that helpful. Honestly, it kind of drags and you can't figure out why the author is still ranting on the same thing for 15 pages. She even revisits rants later in the book. She is down on her readers a lot and has a love/hate relationship with the (now cancelled) Desperate Housewives tv series, she derogatorily refers to the tv series and its characters frequently. I would not read it again unless I was looking at the recipe section and even then not much applies.

[Lain · Rating 2 out of 5]

I haven't been this annoyed by a book in a long time. And the funny thing is, I agreed with most of what Darla Shine had to say!

But her holier-than-thou attitude, coupled with her ability to spew anecdotal evidence as fact, tossed with an amazing amount of contradictions, did me in. Add her filthy mouth, and I was finished.

For instance:
-She says our moms went to the grocery store in their curlers and housecoats, but "knew themselves" better than we do. Then a few pages later, she says women shouldn't dare to go outside in sweatshirts and leggings.

-She talks about how "her girls" (meaning her girlfriends) are so cute and put-together, then a page or so later tells of two of her girlfriends who wear their husbands' button-down shirts.

-She bemoans the lack of family values in today's media and culture, then goes on about how she wanted to shove her shopping cart into some woman's "fat @$$" at the supermarket because she's buying frozen dinners and chips.

-She rips "Desperate Housewives" to shreds, but has obviously watched enough of the show to spout plot lines and character details.

The sad thing is, I agree with Shine's "Don't Whine" philosophy. And if **I** couldn't take it, how is she ever going to reach those who need her message most?

[Keri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well Darla sure does say what she thinks and most of the time it is just how I feel. Sadly I don't think the views that Darla and I share are considered politically correct or very popular. I think if more people spoke up on this topic there might be a shift in opinion. The book is a bit out there at times and there were no huge light bulb moments for me but it was a good reminder of just how important it is to fully embrace my decision to be a stay at home mom and how to balance to joy of it with all the stuff that isn't so much fun. I did find myself marking off a few passages to remember long term. The book also helped me identify a few areas that I could really improve upon in order to be a happier housewife. Probably worth the read if you are struggling with the choice to be a SAHM or need a little boost to remind you why you made the choice.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book to ANY stay-at-home-mom. However, there are some that might think her ideas on house-wifery are old-fashioned. Oh well, I guess I like old-fashioned, even for a person as Women's-Lib as I am. The author is a total spaz, but overall I liked her approach and she has good ideas. Her personality is no nonsense with a dash of Southern charm and Irish sass. If you get a chance to pick it up, tell me what you think. Most people I've talked to don't like the book, but you gotta put it in its proper place. If you're looking for something profound, or the "end-all" answer to mommy problems, this book is not for you. This is a fun-read. It's a swift kick in the butt to stop complaining and enjoy being a mom. It should not be taken religiously in any way. Just have fun with it.

[Rachelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

This books is a call to women to return home and raise the children that they gave birth to. It is also written to encourage stay at home moms to take pride in the decision they've made and figure out how to do it better. It has a great message and one that I would love to see given more credibility in the world, but the way it was presented was so negative, critical and abrasive that I was completely turned off. Shine criticizes everyone who's doesn't pull off this "housewife gig" as superbly as she does and she does it with a filthy mouth. I think she had some good things to say and some good recipes. I also felt kind of motivated to invest more energy and time into doing the best job I can, but I think it could have been done in a more uplifting and positive way.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book! She gives real advice, very environmentally sound suggestions on how to keep your house shining and in tip-top shape without assuming the reader has a millionaire's budget. Her dinner/snack suggestions for kids are right on - lots of berries, fruit, veggies and very little processed items. I was so happy to have found a book that has the same values that I do. I learned some easier methods for keeping my house clean, better than the way I was doing it. Great, great book, and worth every penny.

[Lanette · Rating 2 out of 5]

I agreed with about 95% of what Darla had to say. Unfortunately, I very much disagree with the way she went about saying it. For someone who talks about God and going to church and being spiritual, she certainly curses way too much. And then there's the name-calling, and sharing negative things about her family/friends! She apparently didn't get the memo in Ephesians 4:29... "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

[Rona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Her book provides 10 easy to follow steps to becoming and maintaining being a happy housewife. Mrs. Shine does it with a lot of humor. I found that her points echo many of Dr. Laura's comments. (ex: treating your spouse with attention and compliments, not letting yourself go, etc)

My husband saw the book cover and asked me, "Aren't you already a happy housewife?" I quickly responded, "Yes, but there's always room for improvement." Cute ah? Our teenage son looked at the cover and said "Wow, only 10 steps, okay."

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I give 5 stars to the topic. I wasn't happy to see so much swearing. We're talking about being good mothers here--why do we need the swearing.

Loved the thoughts on being a supportive wife, scheduling, and playing with the kids.

I was unhappy with some of the authors harshness to her family and friends and stagers. I would have loved to see more encouragement rather than putting people down for not doing what she does.

Its a good book to skim.

[JoAnna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having never read a book meant to inspire mothers/wives, and being a new mom/wife/step-mom myself, in a town without my friends and family, I desperately needed to read and hear many of Shine's thoughts and ideas. Her writing style and abrasive personality were not quite as enjoyable, however; which is why my rating is mediocre. I'd still like to own this book for reference and extra inspiration, nonetheless.

[Dar B · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give this another half-star, to be honest. Told in a funny and light-hearted way, it reminds us to be thankful for our lives, husband, children, and homes. We should live with thankfulnesss and happiness for what we have and take care of each, accordingly. I think that most of us already know this but people like me need to be reminded to quit whining about what it takes to be a good wife and mom. We chose the life, now we need to make the most of it, period.

[Isabel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another very quick read (1 day) this book reads like a text book. Funny and honest in many places, the over simplification of some very serious issues got old by the end of the book. It didn't make me 'snap out of it' but it did make me feel better knowing I am not the only housewife that isn't happy 100% of the time.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the authors fun attitude and perspective... tips and routines are helpful. Not the best writing- she could have used a better editor. =) But I love her spunk and the book really does have a lot of great tips.

(And it doesn't make me want to slam my head against my "shiny kitchen sink" like the obnoxious, fake, drama of the FLY LADY... ugh.) Fun book!

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book years ago. The reason I gave it 5 stars is because it is a book that really opened my eyes about being a homemaker AND a happy one. Enjoy your babies while you have them and enjoy life while you have it and while you're at it, keep your house clean, cook good food and don't whine.

[Maryann · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read this book with caution. The language is not clean, the tone is very attacking, and much of the information is superficial. If you choose to read this book, don't believe everything she suggests. I created a modified "10 steps" that I thought would be more appropriate - so feel free to do the same.

[Shiloh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stacie recommended this book, and I breezed through it cause it was written like Kathi Wickizer wrote it. Girlfriend to giirlfriend with a little sass. Good general advise and application for enjoying the role of wife, mother, and friend.

[Leslie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book... a quick read and I agree with most of her points. The endless Desperate Housewives references became a little tedious for me, or I would have added another star. I borrowed this from a friend but may add it to my library the next time I have a good coupon ;)

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is funny. The woman who writes it makes me laugh. I wouldn't recommend this book to just anyone. But it had a lot of good tips for me at the time and helped me through a tough time, so I really liked it.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book was great.

i did get annoyed with the author (miss darla) every now and again, but i had to keep reminding myself that her life is completely different than mine. she had a lot of things in there that got me thinking. i think it impacted me for the better, definitely.