Please Live: The Chechen Wars, My Mother and Me

by Lana Estemirova

A RADIO 4 BOOK OF THE WEEK

'Powerful . . . a coming-of-age story with a twist' Guardian

'Heart-wrenching . . . We need accounts like this haunting, compelling book' Telegraph

'A profound and moving tribute . . . It is Lana's inside perspective on what it was like to grow up within this society that makes this such a unique and powerful book' Sunday Times

'Wonderfully brave, beautifully written and utterly authentic' TLS

'Haunting' Radio Times

'Please live' were the last words fifteen-year-old Lana said to her mother. Shortly afterwards Natalia Estemirova was kidnapped outside their apartment block in Grozny, Chechnya. On 15th July 2009, she was murdered for telling the truth.

A mountainous sliver of land which creates a natural boundary between Europe and Asia, for centuries Chechnya had been a sharp bone in Russia's throat. Three years after the collapse of the Soviet Union, frustrated by the continued presence of the independence movement within Chechnya, Russia invaded.


It was a war of extraordinary brutality. It turned Lana's mother, Natalia Estemirova, from a teacher into a human rights investigator. She became a dedicated member of Memorial, intent on exposing the kidnappings, bombings, torture and murders committed by Russian forces and Ramzan Kadyrov, the Kremlin-backed Chechen President. Natalia Estemirova's life, assassination, and the impunity that followed it, tell the story of Putin's Russia.

This is Lana's story of growing up in a war. Of the intense bond between a mother and daughter, desperate to be together even though it was so much safer for Lana to live elsewhere, often for months at a time. It is a book both about being brave and about being ordinary in extraordinary times. It's the fulfilment of a promise Lana made at her mother's grave.

Genres: Nonfiction, History

337 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 19, 2025

Reviews

[hageubes · Rating 5 out of 5]

The work of human rights defenders around the world often goes untold, unseen and uncelebrated. Tales of extraordinary bravery (recklessness some might say) in the face of daunting odds in the name of justice and human rights, that are forgotten even before they are told. It is very rare to find a book like Please Live that brilliantly illustrates the bravery and the commitment that Natalia Estemirova, and like her countless human rights defenders around the world, embodied their whole life.
In this tender and deeply moving memoir, Lana talks about her relationship with her mother, a giant of human rights, against the backdrop of the two Chechen wars, the Putinification of Russia and the rise of Kadyrov. Characters like Anna Politkovskaya, Oleg Orlov or Mary Lawlor, who will be known to people who have been following human rights or Russian politics, appear alongside a cast of characters painted carefully in their full humanity.
I cried so many times reading this, and I finish it feeling energised and motivated to honour Natalia’s legacy to do my best to build a better world. I can’t wait to gift this to anyone I know working in Russia, on human rights, on journalism - or anyone with a mother, really.

[Francis Pellow]

Radio 4 book of the week

[Lorraine Catania · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please Live by Lana Estemirova is a ‘Must Read’.
I preordered this book and I eagerly awaited its release. Although I had read about the Chechen Wars and the work of Natalia Estemirova, nothing could have prepared me for the harsh reality of that life, jumping from the pages of the book, as I read. The raw brutality of the lives of mother and daughter (Natalia and Lana) is interspersed with moments of tenderness and even laughter. A story of determination in the face of adversity, and of survival; at least for Lana. A truly remarkable book, eloquently written, full of raw emotion. A lasting legacy to the bravery of Natalia Estemirova.

Bravo Lana for enduring such an emotional journey and for sharing it with the world!

[Vansa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply moving book that’s a tribute to the amazing life of the author’s mother, Natalia Estemirova, a teacher turned human rights activist, and investigator into abuses during the Russian invasion of Chechnya. One used to vaguely hear about Chechnya during the 90s, and their attempts at independence, but I never really properly understood the issues at stake here, and the extraordinary diversity of Central Asia. This is an intensely personal , and human account of the effects the Russian invasion had on this family, with Estemirova writing of all the times they moved houses, moved to a safer house of relatives in Russia, moved back to bombed out buildings and a city whose streets were patrolled by warlords and snipers. It’s also very intimately observed, with Estemirova writing of drawing comfort from singing ‘My heart will go on’ over and over again, pretty much phonetically because she didn’t know English then! After a forced peace imposed on Chechnya, though, Natalia Estemirova became intensely involved with a truth and reconciliation commission of sorts, to try to get some justice for all the victims of the horrors perpetrated by the government in power-traveling to speak to people, recording their memories, contacting foreign journalists to get the truth out. It’s astonishing how frank Estemirova is about how much she resented that work which took her mother away from her for long periods of time, and left her feeling constantly anxious for her safety-this is not an inspirational story about courage under fire, and doing the right thing, and being a martyr to the cause. It’s a story about someone with very little power tirelessly doing the right thing, but paying a terrible price for it, and leaving their family devastated by their loss. Estemirova is rightly proud of her mother, but she doesn’t hide her anguish that courage and important work led to such a violent end, with the perpetrators not being brought to justice-they haven’t even been found. THe government systems whose corruption Natalia Estemirova was working so hard to bring to light are well and thriving. It’s important to read of the people who continued to show courage though, even if they ultimately did not succeed-their lives still have value and meaning.

[Alexander Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a hard book to define. It is history and a memoir but it combines to be something more than that. I feel I understand better now how history moves and how it is made, and what it is like to live through the making of it. That heroes and those who do great deeds are often people not much different from ourselves but refuse to be silent when things go awry, who hold a moral conscience when so many of us might rationalise and look away. It has its cost - as the author so clearly describes. And parts of this book are difficult to read. Yet I came away with a feeling of hope. Natalia’s example in how she lived her life and the worldview she expressed in the fairytales she wrote that survive her tell us that we can never give up hope - because life never ends, it is born, ages and is born anew - and so it is only when we succumb to fear and give in to tyranny that evil wins. No matter how dark things become, how grim and macabre the prospects we face, how awful our enemies are and how defenceless we are before their threats - Natalia shows us that we can have the courage to confront them, to insist on justice and to nurture life in acts and deeds big and small. It is a message I feel we all need to hear today. She deserves to be remembered.

[Debby Binns · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the abridged version of this on BBC sounds. I think if I had read the whole book it would deseerve a 5* rating.
I found Lana's inside perspective on what it was like to grow up within this society that made this such a powerful book. Also, the relationship between her highly driven mother and herself as a young daughter is very well portrayed.

[Anne Hillion · Rating 5 out of 5]

audio version. I thought it was well written a powerful account from the eyes of a child of their mother's political activism and death. Well written & heart warming. I was inspired to listen to this from the review in RT. As I didn't know anything about the Chechen Wars.

[Allanah Blume · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t even have the words to express how powerful this memoir is. It was painful, inspiring and insightful. So many brave people who give me faith in the fight for justice in this world.