Antidote

by Shae Ruby

It was never meant to be more.

But somehow it was, and suddenly we were two halves of a whole.

Even if it was forbidden.

Oliver Scott swept me off my feet and flipped my world upside down, only to break my heart. When my mother died, I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, that he was dead to me.

I lost her because of him.

Somewhere along the way, Oliver needed the drugs more than he needed me. And I paid for the consequences of his actions.

The problem is, even through the pain of his mistake and my hate for him, something deeper still lingers between us.

A second chance was never in the cards for us, until it was. But my feelings of betrayal still simmer in the background, making it hard to forgive him.

I’m gambling with my sanity, knowing he could ruin me.

The worst part?

I want him to.

Because I want nothing more than to make him mine.

It’s always been him.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Second Chance, Hockey, Sports Romance, Sports, LGBT

380 pages, Paperback

Published August 2, 2024

About the author

Author of dark romance & toxic love.
Sometimes diverse.

International Bestselling Author in five different countries, Shae Ruby spends their time writing, mostly queer, books that make you feel. Shae's stories come from deep within their bleeding heart, and they let the drops flow into their words.

Shae is represented by Lunar Literary Agency.

For all subsidiary rights, contact Angie Ojeda-Hazen.

Connect with me!

Facebook Reader Group: rubysdarkling

Facebook Page: authorshaeruby

Instagram: @authorshaeruby

TikTok: @authorshaeruby

Goodreads: authorshaeruby

Goodreads: authorshaeruby

Reviews

[Miki_reads · Rating 2 out of 5]

My initial thoughts on this put me in the minority. I want it to be so clear that i dont usually leave negative reviews for arcs, I also won't be leaving a star rating rn, but I don't think I can let this one go.

If i were to describe this in one word, it'd be disjointed. It started out pretty strong, but the minute things turned sexual this fell apart for me. I will give it to Shae, I do think she has a knack for writing codependency. The spice is also decent if that's your thing, but I was truly over it by the end. I think the good stuff in this book was truly undermined by trying to make it as dramatic as possible. It didn't fit, and it left an inconsistent book that doesn't know what it wants to be.

There were multiple instances throughout that just didn't make sense. Hunter may be intended to be hot and cold, but this went beyond that. His thoughts didn't align with his behaviour, and he truly lacked any kind of self-awareness at all. And like Ollie was there? I guess? For a character that was meant to be our tragic-broken-boy, there was absolutely no depth. Now, I might just be being an asshole here because addiction is something very close to me, but I have to wonder if the author spoke to anyone who was an addict before writing this. There's a shallow understanding of what actually goes on, and Ollie's addiction is a very much a plot device. Bro hadn't even taken a sip of alcohol on page or displayed any kind of risk-taking behaviour, but was all of a sudden an oxy addict? Plz that is not how that works (and no, there wasn't even an injury that led to this. It just randomly happens, and there were literally so many opportunities to make it make sense).

Moving on, I did nearly dnf this at 62% the switch up in behaviour and relationship trajectory came out of nowhere and gave me whiplash and by the end I was honestly left a little fucking dumbfounded. Like good for them but also what the fuck was that. All im gonna say is If you've ever loved an addict I prob wouldn't touch this one. But if your someone who doesn't care about that and a erratic narrative doesn't bother you then you'll probably love this. The stuff from when they are kids is cute as fuck and I really thought this would be my next obsession but alas it was not meant to be.


We're in an era where everyone wants to try their hand at mm and I don't blame them. It's the in thing right now and everyone's chomping at the bit for the next rip your heart out sad boy story but this was just doing too much.Overall I think this was a good idea I just didn't jive with the execution.

[Jennifer (sobrietyandbooks) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received an ARC for this book & was thrilled. Everything about this book screamed that I would love it & I did…when I read it the first time, by another author. I understand authors often find inspiration in others works however the amount of nearly identical scenes pulled directly from other books was actually disturbing. The author took pivotal scenes from other books slapped hockey & d*ck piercings on it & called it their own.

The addiction rep was poorly executed & felt as though the author added it in as an attention grabber for Ollie’s “broken boy” aesthetic. Ollie’s “addiction” made little sense & the development was lacking. As someone who has personally struggled with addiction none of this story line made any sense & generally felt like an afterthought.

I will say the prologue was amazing & there was potential for this story however the writing is choppy, the hate to love was disjointed at best & we did not need 56 chapters of characters that lacked depth. The need to hit tropes severely overshadowed the actual character development. In all honesty I DNF this at 61% when the MCs slept together for the first time & Hunter’s internalized homophobia suddenly disappeared & he was asking Ollie to be his boyfriend?

Overall I was extremely disappointed by this; the playlist is good though & I liked their nicknames.

[chelsea · Rating 1 out of 5]

i just want to start by saying i did enjoy the start of this book, i thought ollie and hunter were cute and it had potential… but it went downhill fast.
this book was so highly anticipated, but it just missed.

it was incredibly inconsistent, and honestly confusing to read.

look, i’m all for short chapters but when the characters are just starting to have a conversation that seems like it would be important, and the chapter suddenly ends and jumps to something else, it feels so choppy and unfinished.

and then there was hunter, saying one thing and doing another. or hunter saying one thing and then contradicting himself, usually on the same page.
i will give an example:

hunter: “You don’t get to die too.” I shake my head. “You deserve to live with this pain. For the rest of your days—you need to live with it.”
ALSO HUNTER ON THE SAME PAGE: “You’re dead to me, too. You should be buried right next to her, and if you don’t get away from me, I’ll make sure you are.”

like wdym???? it’s just a whole lot of whiplash.

i feel like everything we knew about these characters was very surface level. it lacked any real depth, and this just made it hard to connect with them at all.

and there’s the addiction side of things…
if addiction is a sensitive topic for you, i highly recommend you don’t read this. the addiction rep in this was so poor it was disappointing. one thing happens with hunter and ollie and suddenly ollie is going to a dealer and getting oxy??? it made no sense at all when he had no prior background of drug or alcohol use (that we knew of)
there was no on page thought process… so it just came across very unrealistic.

so yeah, this just missed the mark for me.

[Kylie]

4.5/5 ⭐️

What to expect:
- MM college romance
- Stepbrothers
- Second chance
- Love to hate to love
- Forced proximity

If you’ve read anything by Shae Ruby, you know she likes to make it hurt. 🥹🩵 This was no exception. Shae, my heartstrings belong to you.

Hunt and Ollie stole my heart right away. I am already missing these two boys SO MUCH. 💚

This story was so beautiful, as are all of Shae’s books. I was not surprised to have fallen in love with this one as well. 🫶🏼

[♡Gabi♡ [life & work is chaotic hiatus] · Rating 1 out of 5]

absolutely not. immediately no. never again!

finishing this felt like pulling teeth and if you know me on here, I RARELY leave negative reviews but wow, the writing and pacing felt extremely disjointed and all over the place, TRULY, just as other reviews have mentioned and the addiction and substance use disorder that Oliver aka “ollie” is dealing with was written and handled horribly, as the progression of substance use disorder is complex and includes several factors which contribute to the development of SUD, such as: substance’s effect on your brain chemistry, genetics, mental health conditions, access and exposure to the substance, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and often follows a pattern: experimental use (or prescription use), occasional use (or using prescriptions not as directed), heavy use, and then substance use disorder. the way Ollie develops his addiction to oxy seemingly overnight and with no prior indication in the story that he had any potential factors or behaviors/patterns that would show susceptibility to addiction is what leads me to believe thorough research on addiction was little to none to do right by Ollie’s character and why it was a complete miss and made absolutely no sense to me given all the complex factors that lead to substance use disorder as already mentioned. it was glossed over so quickly that he took oxy once and became addicted bc he needed to feel numb after he was rejected by his stepbrother hunter in front of a student bc the student caught them making out under the bleachers and he was just so hurt by hunter’s actions towards him. I felt that it was used as more of a plot device if anything to have a reason for why they break up. it just wasn’t written about well at all and left a bad taste imo.

I also couldn’t stand hunter’s hot and coldness towards oliver and the dynamic between them just didn’t make sense to me as the story progressed. it also felt like I was in the dark for so many scenes and conversations between ollie and hunter bc one moment an interaction would happen and then next thing you know it’s been a few months between them and i have no idea what went down in between that. i need SHOW and not just tell, with time jumps and unexplained character developments and traits that weren’t shown before.

also, the personalities of the characters from the beginning to the middle and end felt like they did a complete 180 and I didn’t recognize them by the end at all. they lacked so much substance and started coming off one dimensional.

I will say I was enjoying the first 18% of the story before it took a nose dive. the angst, yearning, toxic-ness, push and pull dynamic, the hot and cold, and forbidden aspect between ollie and hunter after the 18% mark had me like: 😵‍💫🫨🥱 ⁉️

ALSO! this read familiar to a few other books that I can think of off the top of my head—like you hate me anybody (that were done WAY better imo) so do with that info what you will! 🤨

I did not vibe with these characters at all nor felt connected or invested in their relationship/love. 👎🏼

unfortunately, I would not recommend whatsoever, just my opinions ofc and happy for those that thoroughly enjoyed this, but it didn’t work for me at all for all the reasons already mentioned and even more that weren’t. 🥲

[Welshbookaholic · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok I have sat on this long enough…there are lots of thoughts that I have but for now…

this book started off really well for me. I loved going through their younger years and how they yearned for each other simultaneously and openly showed love and affection so freely as kids. And I don’t usually love being in the minds of children/ teenagers so this was done well IMO.

MY problems come pretty much as soon as the addiction starts. How did it start? Why? I don’t think we can fully grasp what was going on in Oliver’s mind because the chapters were short and choppy with some random time jumping meaning we never got to know how his demons were affecting him. It just… happened? So for me the pacing was just …off. I just feel I never got to know either of the characters very well.

And from then on it just became a back and forth of Hunter saying one thing and then doing another. Saying another thing and then doing another …you get the gist.

I felt that any problems that arised throughout the book were sorted out in the next chapter (which I don’t think helped give the characters any depth as the chapters were so short) while the addiction and drug storyline almost faded in the background. I expected it to be cantered around this but we never really knew how what why and when. He had never mentioned drugs before so…why???

I liked Ollie for about 90% of the book but then…he just changed ? At the end ? And funnily enough it was the exact opposite for Hunter. I ended up liking him in the latter chapters despite hating him for the majority of the book.

I get where this story was going and I feel like some longer chapters and more focused plot points would have helped a lot - especially for me at least, given the gravity of the topic.

If you don’t mind fast paced storylines that aren’t focus heavy you will probably enjoy this book a lot. There was lots of spice and it was easy to read. It was a strong start but it didn’t hold on for me.

[Gabs (gaybism) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I heard mixed reviews about this book and thought I’d give it a go myself.

So…I know what a good and well paced MM story on addiction and loss should be - and this is not it.

The pacing was all over the place, the addiction rep was almost nonexistent - and the characters were unbelievably infuriating and unlikeable.

Officially DNF’d at 30% and skimmed the rest.
To put it mildly, this was just messy.

[Ruby · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was so disappointing. I’m mad.

[Lauri MissDysfunktion · Rating 3 out of 5]

Antidote is a stepbrothers romance.

This was my first time reading Shae so I don’t know if this is a true indication of their writing or just this book. But I dont know that it’s for me. While I don’t believe the book was bad, it just had a lot of inconsistencies for me.

We have trope gold with stepbrothers and a broken boy but was it more about hitting the tropes than the plot.

I’ve read quite a lot of books that touch on addiction and also interacted with addicts in my personal life and this didn’t mesh for me. Ollie struggling with addiction was not the problem, it was how it was executed. In my opinion it lacked actual truth to it.

Their relationship felt very odd at times. For an angsty book it as very diluted. The premise and concept of the book is a total vibe I’m just not sure the delivery was there for me.

[itskimmiescorner · Rating 1 out of 5]

Might have spoilers.

Stepbros since 10 and super codependent. Ollie is gay and Hunter is straight but they never acted like brothers. A bunch of shit happened in the first half the book that made me just loath Hunter. But tbh I don’t care for both characters by the end of the book.

Hunter is an absolute self absorbed, selfish, manipulative asshole. For all his saying how much he loves Ollie, he was never there for him. Maybe a little when he was being bullied but never in the emotional sense. He was manipulating Ollie and pushed him to the point of no return which I could say is the reason what happened happened. He never seek help for Ollie and just let him drift further into distruction. Never once took blame for it. Even when they got to college, he was still selfish and pushed Ollie to do the one thing he got helped for. A lot of things in this books were very disjointed. Very surface level and nothing was deep enough. The addiction was off page and was not very well spoken for. The characters thinking one thing and do another is giving me whiplashed. Also with the hate from the dad since day 1 and then he suddenly changed so fast just because Hunter said a few words is also done poorly from the parents confrontation POV.

I do like it when Ollie started to become a bit more confident but that was short lived. He’s such a pushover that it took all the way until 85% for him to pick himself and get better. I do believe the genuine moments between them are real and the short time they were together, they were nice. But they were never together long enough for me to see the connections and parts of this book felt so rushed and also so cheesy. The character development here was very weak and not deep enough. There is no depth and again everything was very surface level.

Did that ending and that epilogues make me love them? No not for me. It didn’t even give us timeline. Is it 2 months 2 years?

[Alix · Rating 2 out of 5]

What I liked:

*the opening scenes
* the aquarium scenes
* the rings
* the nicknames
* the tropes

What to expect:

* stepbrothers
* addiction issues
* hockey
* death of a parent
* jock MC/artist MC

What I would have liked to have seen:

* addiction rep that felt real
* a more cohesive narrative
* less drama - stepbrothers, death of a parent, addiction, other stuff - any one or even 2 of these would have provided sufficient conflict. What was there was too much
* more likeable MCs

Thank you to the author and PR team for the ARC. This is my honest review.

[aarya♡~ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay I was expecting alot. I am disappointed as hell. Maybe because I am in slump rn but I thought this book would be good as I waited for this long.


Things that bothered me :
Firstly it annoys me that Hunter blames Ollie for the accident. He rejects him , pushes him away and whatsoever.
- Hunter says he loves ollie more than anything in this world but we know how shit his father treats ollie but hunt has never really stood up for that until the end. Not because he is attracted to ollie but because the way he treats ollie he should have stood up but okay he did that in end but I am still bitter
- Ollie stood out to be pushover in times but at the end he gets better alright.
- The way Hunter just one day decides that he can come out now is so funny to me. Bro was just experimenting with girls yesterday. Still living in denial till yesterday but suddenly everything is Rainbow and roses. If it was that easy then he could have just done it before. I mean 🤷‍♀️ the way he comes out without any fear and is just saying " hey I like guys " I laughed sorry..... after being in denial and having internal homophobia . That wasn't normal. Saying because this topic hits close to home for me.
- and Ollie after things were remotely getting better I am glad he chooses to pick himself but him saying for Hunter to wait and him starting to have sex with others pissed me off the most. It was only sexual but ffs he told him to wait and now he is trying date??? Babe I get it you are choosing yourself and your happiness but atleast don't give someone hope after then acting like that. IDC IF IT'S NOT CHEATING AS THEY WERE NOT TGTH BYT HE TOLD HIM TO WAIT SO WHILE WAITING HE COULD HAVE WAIT TOO.
- Both were idiots Sorry not sorry.
I am so disappointed ugh
I mean I guess this rant is just because I am really moody today idk. Stepbrother with this type of pining is one of my favorite things in mm book. I honestly don't know why it irked me. Maybe today wasn't for me but I don't like this book tbh I just felt numb entirely. I wanna get out of this slump

[Crex]

This book started out Great but nope, I can’t read a book where I dislike the Characters, Hunter internalized homophobia annoyed me, Ollie being a pushover, hunter claiming to love Ollie but allow Ollie dad treat him like trash, Ollie starting drugs all of a sudden bcs of man😏, Then coming back from rehab and all of a sudden, I will get my man back from her, walking around naked.. Nope.. I said this year I will read great books and this wasn’t it..

[readingwithmiaa · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐️
4.25🌶️




THIS BOOK! I Cannot Believe That This Is The Authors First MM Book, She ABSOLUTELY Needs To Do More MM Books Because It Feels Like She’s Been Doing Them Forever And I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS BOOK SM! Hunter And Oliver Are Gonna Have A Very Special Place In My Heart And I Will Be Thinking About This Book And Our Main Characters A lot. Please Read This Book If You Want A Book To Make You FEEL, Because This Book Did Make Me Feel For These Two SM!🫶💕

[Courtenay (ceelovesbooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
🌶️🌶️🌶️

Green & Blue. Hunt & Ollie. Ollie & Hunt. Forever & ever. ♾️💙

This book BROKE me. Absolutely broke my brain, broke my heart, broke my soul, and then put it all back together again. THESE BOYS 🥹 are beautiful. Absolutely broken, devastated, boys. And I loved every minute of their tragic love story.

Hunter & Oliver meet when they are very young, after their parents marry. They strike up a brotherhood, a friendship, a beautiful relationship. Their relationship remains a secret, behind closed doors. Until one day Hunt gives Ollie an ultimatum.. choose him, or the drugs he uses to cope with his every day life.

One fateful night, Hunter & Ollies world changes forever. And nothing can bring back the relationship and the bond that they once shared. Nothing. No matter how much they want one another, life has other plans.

WHEN I SAY that Hunter absolutely HATES Ollie after what happened.. I mean HATES. True enemies. He will stop at NOTHING to sabotage and hurt Ollie for all the pain he’s caused him. And it was SO YUMMY. There’s something to be said for a TRUE E to L, and this one was done so so well.

The ANGST, the PINING, the PAIN. So much pain. These two took the long way to being lovers, but when they made it? Man, was it sweet. And JUST when you think they’re in a good place? HOW ABOUT NO!? how about everything you thought they had gets ripped away from them.. AGAIN? Yep. I died. 💀🫠

This is a beautiful story, about a beautiful couple, and the HEA? One of fairytales.

[bookdiaryofyana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly this book was amazing!! I cried, laughed and was angry.
This is so different from the other mm romance i have read and I'm obsessed. I connected with Oliver so much and also their love story felt so real and was so touching! I loved it!!!! 😍
Oliver and hunter (blue and green) are just everything!!!!

My favourite quote: Oxy was never my drug of choice - it's always been him. And yet, when the poison fills my body, he's always been my antidote.

[Liza · Rating 1 out of 5]

That was shit from start to finish. Here a few highlights…(I’m spoiling hard)

Drug addicts mother was also a drug addict and chose drugs over him. When a bad situation happens the first thing he does is buying drugs and gets immediately addicted (oxi isn’t crack?). Is the author saying addiction is in the genes?

Asshole father discusses loudly that his son being gay isn’t acceptable.

Mother dies-everyone is at fault. Suddenly mc2 hates him and proceeds to punch him in the face while he is lying in a hospital bed after the car accident that killed the mother.

After mc1 is back in mc2s life he tells mc2s girlfriend that he will not fuck anybody. Two pages later he fucks a teammate from mc2.

Mc2 taunts mc1 to relapse.

Mc2 promises to come out to the dad. Dad makes a surprise visit in their apartment (why?). So dad finds out and mc2-who promised to marry mc1 seconds before- can’t come to himself fast enough to stand up for their relationship. He then runs after mc1 who suddenly needs a year away from mc1. (Back when I was reading mf I read a stepbrother romance and the make mc was traveling the world for a year after the relationship was found out. Female Mc was also a painter btw. But she didn’t paint his face, she painted his dick. And that was actually a good book, but I hated the being away from each other then and I hated it now)

After the year mc1 is dating another dude but they don’t have sex if I understood that correctly. Mc2 buys all of the paintings from mc1 and now they’re getting back together. And the dad isn’t an asshole anymore.

TBH they already talk about being the love of each others lives. I didn’t feel it. This was fucked up beyond all recognition and it was t even a military book.

What the fuck did I just read? Not recommended.

[Stephhh✨]

I’ve been thinking about this book for the last few days since I finished it. I go back and forth with how I feel about it but I keep coming back to the same conclusion. This book has so much potential but essentially it misses the mark for me.

One of my biggest issues is the lack of depth with Ollie and Hunter. They’re step brothers and get along (mostly) from their first meeting. Ollie, however, develops an oxy addiction randomly after one negative experience with Hunter. Where is the depth and development of this addiction? What should have happened (in my opinion) is that Ollie should have been more of a substance user before he went straight to oxy. As someone who is a recovered addict, THAT makes way more sense than he just is handed free oxy (this does not happen IRL). There are gaps in the timeline that could have had more depth and helped develop the characters more. Then, when Hunt and Ollie do finally come together, it’s so sudden and doesn’t make sense to me. It didn’t feel authentic and felt like the MM romance was a trope to be conquered and not an actual representation of queer love and the struggle they experience within society.

Hunter was also just insufferable and maybe he was supposed to be that way. His thoughts and the writing felt disjointed and just lacked connection. His back and forth was almost dizzying to read. One minute he says Ollie doesn’t get to die and then the next he is like no you should have died. Like make it make sense???

And I have been a Shae fan. I’ve read other books of hers I’ve enjoyed but this should have been something that someone says “hey, maybe let’s develop this more for clarity and connection.”

Anyway I was so hung up on the disjointed and disconnect between the characters that the parts I did enjoy (which were few) are overshadowed by the negative.

[Jordan Fischer | julietfoxreads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my freaking stars I LOVED this book! Antidote includes SO many of my favorite things - hockey, stepbrothers, bi-awakening, protective/possessive MMC… 🤌🏼🤌🏼. It's written as dual POV, and y'all, the LOADS of mutual pining just makes everything OH so painful. @authorshaeruby is a new to me author and she’s now a new favorite - really incredible writing. I devoured this book in a day, I got so lost in the story. Antidote has a ton of buzz around bookstagram right now, and that's for good reason. You don't want to miss this book!

I thought artsy emo boy Ollie was just so sweet. He's smitten with his stepbrother Hunter from the moment they meet as 10 year olds, and OMG his yearning for him never lets up. Though Hunter also ends up obsessed with Ollie, there's something about the way Ollie wants Hunter to his own detriment that just WRECKED me. Hunter lets him down so many times while continuing to profess that he cares about Ollie, and that HURTS - he deserves the extended grovel situation that comes up later (I love/hated this part 🫠). While Ollie does do some pretty awful things too, I don't feel like Hunter's hatred of him after them is totally warranted either. All that aside, OMG, he's SO freaking possessive of Ollie 😏! Even though his reasons for trying to keep him to himself are pretty out there, I was DEFINITELY into it.

It sounds like this book is Shae Ruby's first MM novel (?), and OMG I'm so impressed! REALLY hoping there is more to come from her, possibly in this world (Jamie and Dylan? some of Hunter's other hockey teammates?), because I'm ALL for it. All the angst, obsession, and serious swoon you could want!

[Ashley Andersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely beautiful. This is a MM romance favourite of mine for sure! Once I started this book, it was so so hard for me to want to put it down and do any adulting.

Step brothers
Forbidden romance
Bit of Sports romance
Friends to lovers to rivals to…ROOMATES in college
Opposites

Ugh, my heart was getting tugged on so many times while
Reading this. There were so many emotional parts that hit my soft spot.

This is my first ever step brothers romance where it doesn’t start as them hating eachother, so I really loved watching their love grow, the exploration of their feelings toward each other but also, feelings about themselves.

I adored it!
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Ashley⛓️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omgggg wow. I’m still sobbing while writing this. Absolutely incredibly beautiful love story filled with trauma, battles with addiction and heartbreak. This was a second chance step brothers romance that did the trope justice with sneaking into each other’s bedrooms and hiding from their parents. I love the LOVE and the angst and these characters own my heart. Sweet baby boy Ollie who just wanted to be loved and poor struggling big hearted Hunter who loved Ollie so fiercely but was so scared. Omg this was incredible 😭😭😭

[xxBooksILovexx · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first book by Shae Ruby. She did an amazing job writing her first MM title. From the get go, this story kept me on the edge of my seat. My heart broke multiple times for both of these beautiful boys. Ollie & Hunter have my heart. This book is a MUST read!! So, so good!

[Alexandra · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF.

[el :) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I expected so much more from this book :(
The beginning was good, but after that it went downhill for me..
The way their relationship went back and forth was not great and boring tbh. Also, why are the women in this book treated so poorly? It’s like they’re always seen as sluts (not in all mm books, just to clarify). The story was just flat out boring to me, and it felt like a lot was missing to the story. Like, all of a sudden Oliver was an addict? Where did that come from? Yeah no, that didn’t make any sense to me 💀

[lakshmi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I swear these booktok reels that show only one scene of the book have a hold on me. Someone stop me next time.🎀

[Allison · Rating 2 out of 5]

*I arc'd this book and waited to review out of respect for the release

Let me say this, I am an overly fair reviewer, and I always want to be honest with constructive feedback. I never want to be unnecessarily harsh or come off as an a**hole. With that being said...

Where do I even start? I was thrilled to receive this arc. I couldn't wait to start it, and for the first 19%, I was hooked. I couldn't put it down. Everything went downhill from there, unfortunately 😕

As a recovering addict, I'm having a real hard time with the addiction aspect in this book. The character Ollie, had no previous risk taking behavior, mental illness, or even injury (which could have been a great segue) for me to relate or believe that he would just pick up Oxy of all things and become an addict overnight. There is no on page discussion or intervention by the parents or even his stepbrother that claims to love him so much. The relapse came out of the blue along with something that happened at the ending that just incensed me. I'm actually offended by this poor portrayal of addiction. I could go on & on about this, but let's move forward...

I felt nothing for these characters but rage. The whiplash of emotions from both mc's took me out of the story so badly. It was so bad that by 50% I wanted to throw my kindle and it didn't stop there. Both characters felt like 3 different characters in the beginning, middle, and ending but without ANY sort of character arc. There was absolutely no depth to these characters at all. The contradictory way that each of these characters was written from sentence to sentence and page to page was terrible. Which leads me to the writing...

There was no flow to this story, unfortunately. It was all over the place. I could and did highlight contradictory statements and "feelings" in every chapter, literally within a few sentences of each other! Things were just placed and dropped in at odd times for a dramatic effect that didn't work.
The repetition. The amount of repetitive points in the plot and back forth was not tolerable. Nothing was fleshed out. It was disjointed throughout the entire 80% of the book. It felt like multiple preexisting MM stories were thrown into this one, and then fingers were crossed that it would work. Unfortunately, it did not.

I honestly wanted to break this down by chapters, and at one point, I was thinking that maybe we accidentally received the unedited rough draft. That was not the case. Frankly, I do not know how this got past editors or truthful alphas and betas. On top of any addiction sensitivity reader.

I am sad that this is how I feel. Make no mistake, this doesn't make me happy to say these things, but I'm being truthful here.


*Note: I do not DNF. I tried giving the entire book a fair shot

[frankie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Antidote by Shae Ruby
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️
ARC REVIEW-SPOILERS BELOW

Can Shae Ruby ever do wrong??…The answer is absolutely not. This MM stepbrother romance was emotional, erotic, and everlasting. The story of Ollie and Hunt (Blue and Green 🥹) made my heart flutter. As a 🏳️‍🌈 person, the internal homophobia Hunter struggled with was something I truly related to. The fear of what everyone else would think is exhausting.

The spice in this book is endless. Ollie and Hunt keep their relationship very sexual (as well as emotional) and it was HOT 🥵. As much as it hurt because I wanted them to be together all the time, I am SO glad that the author put Ollie’s sobriety first. It shows the importance of self-care and love.

This isn’t my first read by Shae Ruby and it sure as hell won’t be my last. Forever a fan 🤍

Favorite Scene: when Ollie meets Malia in the hallway 👀🫢🍆
Favorite Quote: “Hunter Hartman is not a fantasy I’ve made up in my head for the last four years. No, he’s flesh and bones, heart and soul, and all of him belongs to me. He’s burrowed himself deep, right into the marrow of my bones. And I never want to let him go” -Ollie

[KnittingMamaBear-Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

**** stars for this hot mess express ****

So hear me out - this is a bloody high and probably not well deserved rating for what this book is, but I have reasons.

Reasons:

☣️ The mutual pining was real. Real heavy. Love.
☣️ The references to addiction, mental health in shambles, OM / OW interactions and intercourse - did NOT love!
☣️ All the elements of the perfect dark-ish hot stepbrothers romance are there, but everything is jumbled up completely - did NOT love the mess.
☣️ Third act break up is so intense, long and painful - did NOT love
☣️ The pacing was so off it felt I was reading 5 different books at the same time, all average quality.
☣️ But then there was the spice. I mean ... 🔥🔥🔥🔥 When they did get together, from kiss to the deed itself, it was raining chili peppers.

If I were to sum up the book in one scene it would be

Hunter hovering 2 inches away from Ollie, caging him against the wall muttering "tell me no or I won't be able to stop" and Ollie whimpering "I... Mmm. I- uh.. fuck"

In fact that's probably a scene from the book I don't know.

[Dani (Daniiireads)]

DNF

This was messy and not in a good way

[Becca Sabala · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a first for me from this author.
This book started out so strong, but it became rushed and kind of all over the place rather quickly. The book seemed a bit too long. There was so much drama going on for most of it that the growth of the characters and the story was very lacking. There was no real build up because there was just so much going on.

The start of their story when they were kids was so cute, and really starts the book out like you’re going to get this great story. Instead they were extremely wishy washy with each other, it never seemed like their inner monologue and their actions matched up together.

The addiction part of the book was something that I don’t think hit the mark, the fact he goes from sober to addict so abruptly had me like what just happened? Literally says “One day, I woke up not an addict, and by the end of that same day, I was one.”
I’m not even sure I figured out why he started using, I feel like it was Hunter but it’s so rushed it’s just skimmed over.
Ollie’s addiction was not a forefront for the story. It was just there in the background mentioned every once in a while, and was never actually treated as important to their story. When it came to Ollie’s addiction and recovery there seemed to lack consistency and believability that he was an addict.
The story focused a lot more on Hunter and his issues with himself than Ollie and his addiction.

Ollie starts out really broken, and that brokenness doesn’t go away until basically the very end. Instead of healing him, Hunter is extremely toxic for him. Ollie is such a pushover when it comes to Hunter he never grows or progresses.

The struggle Hunter goes through to accept who he is was hard to read, I kept waiting for him to have his moment of clarity. It seemed like he just never actually understood what anything going on in his head meant. But he kept himself from accepting who he was because of his denial for entirely too long. He never saw the toxicity he brought to Ollie’s life because it’s what he wanted and that’s what was important.

Their tension is off the charts, they fight hard to be together and make it work. There always seems to be something that causes them to fall out with each other, but their love for each other kept bringing them back.
Their HEA was really cute and a long time coming.

This book may have fell lat for me, but it was still a good read. Especially for it being the first mm book by this author.