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Criminally Captivated #1
Oh No, My Kidnapper Is Hot!
The plot is hot.
And so is my kidnapper.
I’m talking women swooning in the streets kind of hot. Fainting at the sight of his smile kind of hot. Once in a lifetime kind of hot.
And he wants me.
It would be perfect, really, if he weren’t completely off his rocker.
I mean.
Come on.
He thinks he’s an assassin, and he kidnapped me. Because every hot assassin needs a tall blonde girl hanging around. Could he be more cliche?
Hot or not, he needs to be contained. Hospital, prison — I’m not picky. I’ll have him tied up in a shiny pink bow for the professionals in no time, then it’s Mai Tais on the beach for the rest of my days.
But first, how do I get out of these cuffs...
Oh No, My Kidnapper Is Hot! is a closed-door dark romantic comedy with hot men, unhinged women, and sizzling innuendoes. Reader expectations are located after the title page and are highly recommended for the best reader experience.
And so is my kidnapper.
I’m talking women swooning in the streets kind of hot. Fainting at the sight of his smile kind of hot. Once in a lifetime kind of hot.
And he wants me.
It would be perfect, really, if he weren’t completely off his rocker.
I mean.
Come on.
He thinks he’s an assassin, and he kidnapped me. Because every hot assassin needs a tall blonde girl hanging around. Could he be more cliche?
Hot or not, he needs to be contained. Hospital, prison — I’m not picky. I’ll have him tied up in a shiny pink bow for the professionals in no time, then it’s Mai Tais on the beach for the rest of my days.
But first, how do I get out of these cuffs...
Oh No, My Kidnapper Is Hot! is a closed-door dark romantic comedy with hot men, unhinged women, and sizzling innuendoes. Reader expectations are located after the title page and are highly recommended for the best reader experience.
209 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 9, 2024
67 people are currently reading
451 people want to read
About the author
Storm Sterling
7 books71 followersStorm Sterling loves writing unhinged, closed-door romance that’s HOT without spice. She lives in midwest America with a large, broad-shouldered man and three tiny clones. It is her life goal to write books well enough that she can afford all of her favorite author's books. This goal is secondary only to playing Stardew Valley all day every day.
Please buy Storm’s books so she can afford more gaming hours and more Camilla Evergreen books. Seriously. Please. She’s desperate.
Please buy Storm’s books so she can afford more gaming hours and more Camilla Evergreen books. Seriously. Please. She’s desperate.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews
October 16, 2024
This book made me want to get a cutie patootie kidnapper to kidnap me 🙂↕️
___
DONT ASK 😔✋🏻
Buket made me do it 😔 also made Hoda do it (She's a bully) also the titles pretty convincing
___
DONT ASK 😔✋🏻
Buket made me do it 😔 also made Hoda do it (She's a bully) also the titles pretty convincing
October 15, 2024
It was very silly and entertaining light book. It brightened my mood a little because it was so funny 😭✋🏻 everything was so unserious i just kept laughing 😭 the last 30% were really cute 🤍
I recommend if you’re in the mood for something light and funny. This book is for u 🤍
Quotes that i liked 🤭🤍
“I made it green for you. Your favorite color.”
“You have to know that I’d give you the world. I’d rip my own heart right out of my chest and hand it to you if you’d let me. I wish you would. I’m beggin’ you to let me love you the way that you ought to be loved. I can give you what you need. What you want. I can give you security, love – a family. I can give you everything I am. I’d love you until the moon falls from the sky and further. You just have to let me, darlin’. Please, Millie. Let me.”
“It was the best kiss I’ve ever had,I’d like to do it again. I’d like to kiss you every moment of every day for the rest of my life, truly, but I’d settle for half the moments. Your body feels like heaven on mine. Your mouth tastes like ambrosia. I want to worship you, and you’re going to have to let me. You gave me a taste of somethin’ beautiful– somethin’ I’m not willing to give up. You’ve got two days to ’process’, Millie, then worship starts.”
“You want to trust me, darlin’? Alright. I think you’ve seen I’m a man who keeps his promises. Yeah? Then I’ll make you some promises you can trust. I promise to take care of you when you’re sick. I promise to take care of you when you’re healthy. I promise to be there for you through the best days of your life and the worst. I promise to love you and cherish you until we take our last breaths and beyond.I promise, Millicent Christina Pomm, to be yours.”
“I love you, Millie. Today and everyday. I will always want you to stay.”
I recommend if you’re in the mood for something light and funny. This book is for u 🤍
Quotes that i liked 🤭🤍
“I made it green for you. Your favorite color.”
“You have to know that I’d give you the world. I’d rip my own heart right out of my chest and hand it to you if you’d let me. I wish you would. I’m beggin’ you to let me love you the way that you ought to be loved. I can give you what you need. What you want. I can give you security, love – a family. I can give you everything I am. I’d love you until the moon falls from the sky and further. You just have to let me, darlin’. Please, Millie. Let me.”
“It was the best kiss I’ve ever had,I’d like to do it again. I’d like to kiss you every moment of every day for the rest of my life, truly, but I’d settle for half the moments. Your body feels like heaven on mine. Your mouth tastes like ambrosia. I want to worship you, and you’re going to have to let me. You gave me a taste of somethin’ beautiful– somethin’ I’m not willing to give up. You’ve got two days to ’process’, Millie, then worship starts.”
“You want to trust me, darlin’? Alright. I think you’ve seen I’m a man who keeps his promises. Yeah? Then I’ll make you some promises you can trust. I promise to take care of you when you’re sick. I promise to take care of you when you’re healthy. I promise to be there for you through the best days of your life and the worst. I promise to love you and cherish you until we take our last breaths and beyond.I promise, Millicent Christina Pomm, to be yours.”
“I love you, Millie. Today and everyday. I will always want you to stay.”
October 14, 2024
💌 “You have to know that I’d give you the world. I’d rip my own heart right out of my chest and hand it to you if you’d let me. I wish you would. I’m beggin’ you to let me love you the way that you ought to be loved. I can give you what you need. I can give you security, love – a family. I can give you everything I am. I’d love you until the moon falls from the sky and further. You just have to let me, darlin’. Please, Millie. Let me.”
if a man begs you to let him love you? you allow him🫦
imagine getting kidnapped by an assassin👀 but he’s the sweetest pookie ever?! decorated the house with your favorite color, made sure you eat and sleep well🥹 he’s also hottest man alive?! what can you more expect!!!!
it was so fun and cute i absolutely adoreeeeeee these two💖 i needed a bit unserious fun in my life tonight and this served exactly that <3
if a man begs you to let him love you? you allow him🫦
imagine getting kidnapped by an assassin👀 but he’s the sweetest pookie ever?! decorated the house with your favorite color, made sure you eat and sleep well🥹 he’s also hottest man alive?! what can you more expect!!!!
it was so fun and cute i absolutely adoreeeeeee these two💖 i needed a bit unserious fun in my life tonight and this served exactly that <3
Want to read
October 22, 2024DARK COMEDY ROMANCE!! this is new 😋 y'all are enjoying this one and the cover & title are so funny 😭✋🏻 i'm gonna read this one now.
Want to read
October 14, 2024Buket claimed another victim today 🤕
October 17, 2024
3 ★
main thoughts:
This was actually such a fun time😅 like guys please go into this book expecting it to be unserious because that’s exactly what it was. This book is just a fun and somehow cute filler romance where your morals go out the window😭 and you become as delusional as the main characters, but it’s okay
Obviously this isn’t the greatest fiction I’ve ever read and there was times were I cringed and being in Millie’s head is not for everyone because she legit says everything she’s thinking😃 in a fun and quirky way but this is her world and were just living it. I honestly didn't care too much cause I was just entertained and getting laughter out of it when I could. Of course it was embarrassing and crazy and unhinged, but that's what made it fun!!
Do I think the main characters should have been a couple at the end especially when it started to move a bit fast, not necessarily but there were times that they were super cute and I was like “omg what the heck“ this book can't be cute to me like am I crazy??
extra:
But I promise that this is just a fictional world and I would never fall in love with any kidnapper in real life or touch anyone like that with a ten foot pole, falling in love with a kidnapper should not be romanized in real life just a psa. Read this book if you want a unserious story that will make you feel crazy but also brighten your day!!
quotes/scenes I loved:
“And I don’t care about having to hold you while you cry,” he continues. “I’d hold you for an eternity if that’s what you needed. I think it’s sweet that you loved your dad enough to give him that. It’s beautiful, that kind of love, and it proves that your dad was right. Whatever the view, they’d all pale in comparison to the beauty you put out in the world.”
“These people seem to read each other’s minds. They care for one another effortlessly, like it’s second nature. It’s a picture of an emotion that runs deeper than love. It speaks of trust. They’re open with each other – raw in their emotions and interactions. It’s in their every movement. I’ve never trusted someone the way they trust each other, and a burning streak of envy tears through me at the realization”
“You can’t just give a person a house,” I tell the room. A shuffling noise comes from Stryker’s cot.
“Already did,” he answers. Hmph.
“I don’t want it.”
“But I made it green, just for you.”
”What can’t I give you?
Tell me, and I’ll find a way.”
also If anyone has any other silly book recs drop them my way please and thanks🙏
pre review:
that was fun ngl😆 rtc!!
pre read:
“oh no somehow this book fell into my hands.”😭 and no I’m not being held at gun point to read this, other people’s reviews convinced me and I’m too curious to not give it a try
main thoughts:
This was actually such a fun time😅 like guys please go into this book expecting it to be unserious because that’s exactly what it was. This book is just a fun and somehow cute filler romance where your morals go out the window😭 and you become as delusional as the main characters, but it’s okay
Obviously this isn’t the greatest fiction I’ve ever read and there was times were I cringed and being in Millie’s head is not for everyone because she legit says everything she’s thinking😃 in a fun and quirky way but this is her world and were just living it. I honestly didn't care too much cause I was just entertained and getting laughter out of it when I could. Of course it was embarrassing and crazy and unhinged, but that's what made it fun!!
Do I think the main characters should have been a couple at the end especially when it started to move a bit fast, not necessarily but there were times that they were super cute and I was like “omg what the heck“ this book can't be cute to me like am I crazy??
extra:
But I promise that this is just a fictional world and I would never fall in love with any kidnapper in real life or touch anyone like that with a ten foot pole, falling in love with a kidnapper should not be romanized in real life just a psa. Read this book if you want a unserious story that will make you feel crazy but also brighten your day!!
quotes/scenes I loved:
“And I don’t care about having to hold you while you cry,” he continues. “I’d hold you for an eternity if that’s what you needed. I think it’s sweet that you loved your dad enough to give him that. It’s beautiful, that kind of love, and it proves that your dad was right. Whatever the view, they’d all pale in comparison to the beauty you put out in the world.”
“These people seem to read each other’s minds. They care for one another effortlessly, like it’s second nature. It’s a picture of an emotion that runs deeper than love. It speaks of trust. They’re open with each other – raw in their emotions and interactions. It’s in their every movement. I’ve never trusted someone the way they trust each other, and a burning streak of envy tears through me at the realization”
“You can’t just give a person a house,” I tell the room. A shuffling noise comes from Stryker’s cot.
“Already did,” he answers. Hmph.
“I don’t want it.”
“But I made it green, just for you.”
”What can’t I give you?
Tell me, and I’ll find a way.”
also If anyone has any other silly book recs drop them my way please and thanks🙏
pre review:
that was fun ngl😆 rtc!!
pre read:
“oh no somehow this book fell into my hands.”😭 and no I’m not being held at gun point to read this, other people’s reviews convinced me and I’m too curious to not give it a try
October 15, 2024
3.5 stars
What a silly little fun book this was! It's so unserious and disgustingly sweet and adorable!
Millie was ditzy and funny, Stryker was, as the title says, so hot🤣 He was so swoony ahhhh 🫠🫠 No but seriously he was down bad for her, but I would have liked to know why he fell so hard for her.
There is zero spice in this but you could cut the tension with a knife😂 I don't think spice would have even worked in this because it was just so sweet and cute and lighthearted.
Definitely read this as a fun palette cleanser and to have some laughs.
What a silly little fun book this was! It's so unserious and disgustingly sweet and adorable!
Millie was ditzy and funny, Stryker was, as the title says, so hot🤣 He was so swoony ahhhh 🫠🫠 No but seriously he was down bad for her, but I would have liked to know why he fell so hard for her.
There is zero spice in this but you could cut the tension with a knife😂 I don't think spice would have even worked in this because it was just so sweet and cute and lighthearted.
Definitely read this as a fun palette cleanser and to have some laughs.
October 16, 2024
3.5 ⭐
This is absolutely adorable and downright hilarious! 🤣 It's been awhile since I found myself genuinely enjoying both MCs in a story, and Stryker (36) and Millie (26) certainly went above and beyond.
I was cackling like a lunatic for most of this book, and it's all thanks to Millie. I'll never understand how her brain works, and frankly, I'm not even going to try. 😂 She's in a universe of her own, and I can't get enough of her crazy antics. She's totally the wild one in this pair, and I'm enjoying every second of it. 😂
Not that Stryker is any better; he's as delightfully bonkers in his own swoon-worthy fashion! 😍 He's really got it soooo bad for Millie, and I can't help but admire how he keeps proving it over and over. 🥹 This guy's patience is just unreal, and she's lucky to have him. 🤣
They're just super cute together, and don't even get me started on their chemistry—it's freaking off the charts! 🤭 Closed door romances are simply the cutest. 😊 This book just has the right amount of tension, attraction, and swoon-worthy kissing scenes that have me blushing and giggling like I'm a teenager. 😂
I really enjoy this overall, but I just wish Millie didn't hold back her feelings for so long. At least she knows she's in denial, but I really wanted for her to embrace it a bit earlier, not just in the last stretch. Anyway, I just wanna see them being all cute and lovey-dovey, with Millie totally letting her guard down. 🥺
It would be great to know also what made Stryker fall for Millie. Like, what motivated him to do those things for her and why she stood out to him among everyone else. Sure, she did have a knack for unknowingly derailing all his grand schemes and targets. 😂 But there must be something more than that, right? 😅
Anyway, despite my minor issues, I had an absolute blast with this! I'm definitely going to read the next book in the series if it promises more of those laugh-out-loud moments like this one did. 🤣
Book info:
- Novella
- Stalking
- Kidnapping
- Murder
- Death of a loved one (past)
- Grief
- Romcom
- Closed door (but there are innuendos 🤭)
- No swearing
- No cheating, OPD, separation
- HEA (they got married?? Idk if that's legal though 😂)
PS. The prologue was really bad; I think it was the writing style in the 3rd person point of view. I'm just glad the rest of the book was in first person (single), but I kind of wish it had been dual so we knew what Stryker was thinking as well. Also, I wish there was a glimpse of their lives in the future, because the epilogue here was only two weeks later. 🤦♀️
This is absolutely adorable and downright hilarious! 🤣 It's been awhile since I found myself genuinely enjoying both MCs in a story, and Stryker (36) and Millie (26) certainly went above and beyond.
I was cackling like a lunatic for most of this book, and it's all thanks to Millie. I'll never understand how her brain works, and frankly, I'm not even going to try. 😂 She's in a universe of her own, and I can't get enough of her crazy antics. She's totally the wild one in this pair, and I'm enjoying every second of it. 😂
Not that Stryker is any better; he's as delightfully bonkers in his own swoon-worthy fashion! 😍 He's really got it soooo bad for Millie, and I can't help but admire how he keeps proving it over and over. 🥹 This guy's patience is just unreal, and she's lucky to have him. 🤣
They're just super cute together, and don't even get me started on their chemistry—it's freaking off the charts! 🤭 Closed door romances are simply the cutest. 😊 This book just has the right amount of tension, attraction, and swoon-worthy kissing scenes that have me blushing and giggling like I'm a teenager. 😂
I really enjoy this overall, but I just wish Millie didn't hold back her feelings for so long. At least she knows she's in denial, but I really wanted for her to embrace it a bit earlier, not just in the last stretch. Anyway, I just wanna see them being all cute and lovey-dovey, with Millie totally letting her guard down. 🥺
It would be great to know also what made Stryker fall for Millie. Like, what motivated him to do those things for her and why she stood out to him among everyone else. Sure, she did have a knack for unknowingly derailing all his grand schemes and targets. 😂 But there must be something more than that, right? 😅
Anyway, despite my minor issues, I had an absolute blast with this! I'm definitely going to read the next book in the series if it promises more of those laugh-out-loud moments like this one did. 🤣
Book info:
- Novella
- Stalking
- Kidnapping
- Murder
- Death of a loved one (past)
- Grief
- Romcom
- Closed door (but there are innuendos 🤭)
- No swearing
- No cheating, OPD, separation
- HEA (they got married?? Idk if that's legal though 😂)
PS. The prologue was really bad; I think it was the writing style in the 3rd person point of view. I'm just glad the rest of the book was in first person (single), but I kind of wish it had been dual so we knew what Stryker was thinking as well. Also, I wish there was a glimpse of their lives in the future, because the epilogue here was only two weeks later. 🤦♀️
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 24, 2024
ᥫ᭡ 2.5 stars rounded up to 3 ⭐
𝓛𝓪𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓵𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓷 𝓘 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓼𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 , 𝓘 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂, 𝓼𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓴𝓲𝓭𝓷𝓪𝓹𝓮𝓮 𝔁 𝓴𝓲𝓭𝓷𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓻 ( ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶k̶i̶d̶n̶a̶p̶p̶e̶r̶ ̶,̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶f̶r̶a̶i̶d̶ ) 𝓻𝓸𝓶-𝓬𝓸𝓶 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭 ..
So so where do I start ..
Obviously this wasn't the best fiction is the world- BUT I found myself , laughing and cringing SO MANY times that just the fact of it made it good .
🌱 𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂 ⚠️ : 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙈𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀'𝙎 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙄𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔𝙊𝙉𝙀 , 𝘽𝙀𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉 𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝙈𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙔 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿 𝙄𝙎 𝙇𝙀𝙂𝙄𝙏 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔𝙊𝙉𝙀 , 𝙀𝙎𝙋𝙀𝘾𝙄𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙔 𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙎𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝘼𝙔𝙎 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙎 𝙏𝙊 𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝘿- 🍀
It was crazy messy and unhinged, but that was the aim by reading it , right ?
We could see from the start tha Stryker was crazy obsessed with Millie after " stalkimg" her for nearly two months .. why ? She kept ruining his so called "assassination plans"
The thing that bothered me was that 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗸𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗡𝗢𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 , and after his love confession.100 dude decided that they were married . How ? I don't have one single idea-
Basically this was a cute , silly , hot kidnapper romance that made me giggle and cringe cringe sure , but what can I say ? It's worth the time 🤭🤭
𝓛𝓪𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓵𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓷 𝓘 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓼𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 , 𝓘 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂, 𝓼𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓴𝓲𝓭𝓷𝓪𝓹𝓮𝓮 𝔁 𝓴𝓲𝓭𝓷𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓻 ( ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶k̶i̶d̶n̶a̶p̶p̶e̶r̶ ̶,̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶f̶r̶a̶i̶d̶ ) 𝓻𝓸𝓶-𝓬𝓸𝓶 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭 ..
So so where do I start ..
Obviously this wasn't the best fiction is the world- BUT I found myself , laughing and cringing SO MANY times that just the fact of it made it good .
🌱 𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂 ⚠️ : 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙈𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀'𝙎 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙄𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔𝙊𝙉𝙀 , 𝘽𝙀𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉 𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝙈𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙔 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿 𝙄𝙎 𝙇𝙀𝙂𝙄𝙏 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔𝙊𝙉𝙀 , 𝙀𝙎𝙋𝙀𝘾𝙄𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙔 𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙎𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝘼𝙔𝙎 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙎 𝙏𝙊 𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝘿- 🍀
It was crazy messy and unhinged, but that was the aim by reading it , right ?
We could see from the start tha Stryker was crazy obsessed with Millie after " stalkimg" her for nearly two months .. why ? She kept ruining his so called "assassination plans"
The thing that bothered me was that 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗸𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗡𝗢𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 , and after his love confession.100 dude decided that they were married . How ? I don't have one single idea-
Basically this was a cute , silly , hot kidnapper romance that made me giggle and cringe cringe sure , but what can I say ? It's worth the time 🤭🤭
November 4, 2024
so incredibly ridiculous and unserious and quite cringy at times... but you know what? it had its charm and made me giggle, and sometimes that's all i need
↪ ★★½ stars (but i'm rounding it up to 3)
↪ ★★½ stars (but i'm rounding it up to 3)
October 18, 2024
3.5-4 stars
This was cute in a ridiculous, funny kind of way. I loved the inner monologue of our FMC Millie. She was hilarious for a good amount of it. But it did start to get very repetitive and after a while her ridiculousness turned into kind of annoying. If this book had been any longer I probably would have stopped it and came back later. Nothing really happens. I wouldn’t say it’s much of a plot but it was fun to read.
Also Stryker made this book 100% better. I loved him soo much. I was so bummed we don’t get his POV. You can see how obsessed with Millie he is from her POV and I feel like reading it first hand from him would have made it a million times better.
I really needed at least one sex scene in here though. I don’t always need it but I hate when authors give the characters so much chemistry and nice dirty talk and then nothing comes of it. This wasn’t even a fade to black there was literally nothing. They first kiss at like 79% and then we see them kiss a few more times and that’s it. I knew it was a clean romance going in but I didn’t realize how much I needed them to be a little physical.
I’m definitely interested in the next book because I liked the dynamic of Heidi and Baz. He’s clearly besotted with her and she has no idea.
NO CHEATING
NO OP DRAMA
NO THIRD ACT BREAK UP
PAST LOSS OF LOVED ONES
MURDER
This was cute in a ridiculous, funny kind of way. I loved the inner monologue of our FMC Millie. She was hilarious for a good amount of it. But it did start to get very repetitive and after a while her ridiculousness turned into kind of annoying. If this book had been any longer I probably would have stopped it and came back later. Nothing really happens. I wouldn’t say it’s much of a plot but it was fun to read.
Also Stryker made this book 100% better. I loved him soo much. I was so bummed we don’t get his POV. You can see how obsessed with Millie he is from her POV and I feel like reading it first hand from him would have made it a million times better.
I really needed at least one sex scene in here though. I don’t always need it but I hate when authors give the characters so much chemistry and nice dirty talk and then nothing comes of it. This wasn’t even a fade to black there was literally nothing. They first kiss at like 79% and then we see them kiss a few more times and that’s it. I knew it was a clean romance going in but I didn’t realize how much I needed them to be a little physical.
I’m definitely interested in the next book because I liked the dynamic of Heidi and Baz. He’s clearly besotted with her and she has no idea.
NO CHEATING
NO OP DRAMA
NO THIRD ACT BREAK UP
PAST LOSS OF LOVED ONES
MURDER
July 12, 2025
Oh my!
The title! I can't- 🫣🫣😭😭😭😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
This was super cute!
Didn't want to read this but the title was pretty convincing🤭🤣🤣
The title! I can't- 🫣🫣😭😭😭😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
This was super cute!
Didn't want to read this but the title was pretty convincing🤭🤣🤣
He thinks he’s an assassin, and he kidnapped me. Because every hot assassin needs a tall blonde girl hanging around. Could he be more cliche?
Hot or not, he needs to be contained. Hospital, prison — I’m not picky. I’ll have him tied up in a shiny pink bow for the professionals in no time, then it’s Mai Tais on the beach for the rest of my days.
But first, how do I get out of these cuffs...
October 14, 2024
Spoilers ahead, whoever was the person on my friends list that initially posted about this book I thank you ❤️😘
3.5*
Stryker is an assassin, he kidnaps the h who has unwittingly foiled many of his jobs over the past few months..... he's also kinda been stalking her for 2 months! He takes her to his commune of criminal/family, intent on making her his.
Millie has been having a hard time.....but not as hard as being kidnapped!!! Then her kidnapped confesses he's an assassin and she's ruined his recent jobs.....now she's kidnapped by a crazy person.....or is he. Nevertheless she's determined to escape even though he's offering everything she's ever dreamed off.....if only she could stop fainting at his hotness!
******
Ok this was unbelievably cute, like giggling out loud levels of cuteness.... even though the H is an assassin and we actually see him at work!
And funny!! I've given up on romcoms because the humour is usually locker room type and I'm way above the age group for that but this had some truly laugh out loud moments and I love that for me.
Millie fainting/swooning everytime she looked at Stryker too long was as ridiculous as it was funny
Although I really enjoyed this I would've liked to see their first meet up, the moment he decided there was something special about her that made him stalk her
The story focuses on the now but I needed a bit of the then..... I mean we don't even get a little background on Stryker
Also there's no spice here 😅 there's some sexual tension and I think 2 kisses towards the end but that's it
There's no cursing or anything of the sort..... there's implied cursing but no cursing absolutely the opposite of my usual reads but it was definitely a palate cleanser
Definitely will check out more in this series
*******
He’s not supposed to be understanding and kind. He’s a villain. He’s supposed to be acting villainous. I guess he didn’t read How to Be a Bad Guy for Dummies closely enough. Once again showing no respect for his craft. An embarrassment to criminals everywhere.
“If you don’t go to sleep, I’m going to get rid of the cot and make this an only one bed trope. Is that what you want?” he asks me.
“How do you even know about that trope? I didn’t think they marketed rom-coms to the criminally insane,” I retort. He moves to get up.
“Nobody’s f–” Oof, that language. “–ing taking you from me.” He jerks my stool closer, getting rid of the last centimeter of space between us. He glowers.
“I’m not yours to keep,” I tell him. His glower turns into a glare.
“The f–” Seriously, language. “you’re not.”
*****“Shh. Let yourself have something good,” he whispers. “You have to know that I’d give you the world. I’d rip my own heart right out of my chest and hand it to you if you’d let me. I wish you would. I’m beggin’ you to let me love you the way that you ought to be loved. I can give you what you need. What you want. I can give you security, love – a family. I can give you everything I am. I’d love you until the moon falls from the sky and further. You just have to let me, darlin’. Please, Millie. Let me.” My chest hurts. #swoon
3.5*
Stryker is an assassin, he kidnaps the h who has unwittingly foiled many of his jobs over the past few months..... he's also kinda been stalking her for 2 months! He takes her to his commune of criminal/family, intent on making her his.
Millie has been having a hard time.....but not as hard as being kidnapped!!! Then her kidnapped confesses he's an assassin and she's ruined his recent jobs.....now she's kidnapped by a crazy person.....or is he. Nevertheless she's determined to escape even though he's offering everything she's ever dreamed off.....if only she could stop fainting at his hotness!
******
Ok this was unbelievably cute, like giggling out loud levels of cuteness.... even though the H is an assassin and we actually see him at work!
And funny!! I've given up on romcoms because the humour is usually locker room type and I'm way above the age group for that but this had some truly laugh out loud moments and I love that for me.
Millie fainting/swooning everytime she looked at Stryker too long was as ridiculous as it was funny
Although I really enjoyed this I would've liked to see their first meet up, the moment he decided there was something special about her that made him stalk her
The story focuses on the now but I needed a bit of the then..... I mean we don't even get a little background on Stryker
Also there's no spice here 😅 there's some sexual tension and I think 2 kisses towards the end but that's it
There's no cursing or anything of the sort..... there's implied cursing but no cursing absolutely the opposite of my usual reads but it was definitely a palate cleanser
Definitely will check out more in this series
*******
He’s not supposed to be understanding and kind. He’s a villain. He’s supposed to be acting villainous. I guess he didn’t read How to Be a Bad Guy for Dummies closely enough. Once again showing no respect for his craft. An embarrassment to criminals everywhere.
“If you don’t go to sleep, I’m going to get rid of the cot and make this an only one bed trope. Is that what you want?” he asks me.
“How do you even know about that trope? I didn’t think they marketed rom-coms to the criminally insane,” I retort. He moves to get up.
“Nobody’s f–” Oof, that language. “–ing taking you from me.” He jerks my stool closer, getting rid of the last centimeter of space between us. He glowers.
“I’m not yours to keep,” I tell him. His glower turns into a glare.
“The f–” Seriously, language. “you’re not.”
*****“Shh. Let yourself have something good,” he whispers. “You have to know that I’d give you the world. I’d rip my own heart right out of my chest and hand it to you if you’d let me. I wish you would. I’m beggin’ you to let me love you the way that you ought to be loved. I can give you what you need. What you want. I can give you security, love – a family. I can give you everything I am. I’d love you until the moon falls from the sky and further. You just have to let me, darlin’. Please, Millie. Let me.” My chest hurts. #swoon
October 15, 2024
Anyone who knows me knows that I love a good humorous romance and this one had it in spades. I loved these two together and I especially liked funny heroine. My only complaint was that I wished she had stopped fighting him long before she did and a good HEA with Epilogue(s). Why do writers do this? Would it hurt them to write a few extra pages giving us a glimpse into the future?
A big thanks to Jen & Rachael. Had I not seen their reviews, I would have missed this little gem.
And for those that are curious, I rated it just 3 stars because it is a Rom Com and a bit fluffy to deserve a higher rating. Still, a good read that I highly recommend.
A big thanks to Jen & Rachael. Had I not seen their reviews, I would have missed this little gem.
And for those that are curious, I rated it just 3 stars because it is a Rom Com and a bit fluffy to deserve a higher rating. Still, a good read that I highly recommend.
October 30, 2024
swoony and hilarious? what a good read.
December 2, 2024
This was such a cute romcom dark romance! Though them becoming a real couple on the last chapter was disappointing.
November 27, 2025
Honestly, I’m not the biggest fan of people being described as “hot,” but I was curious how a romance would come from a kidnapping story, so I gave this one a try, and it was pretty good!
What You'll Find:
• He falls first
• Forced proximity
• Grumpy/Sunshine
• Found family
• Closed door
This is an interesting read. He’s an assassin, hired to take out some of the worst people out there. But every time he’s tasked with a job, Millie somehow gets in the way, ruining mission after mission because he doesn’t want to risk her getting hurt. Finally, enough is enough, and Stryker decides he’s taking her. Not just because she’s getting in the way, but because she’s homeless, living out of her car, and he’s starting to worry about her as she gets thinner and thinner. So… kidnapping it is.
Millie is not happy about it. She’s quickly caged and then cuffed so Stryker can keep her close, but he also feeds her, buys her new clothes, a house, etc. Millie, however, wants out. She doesn’t trust him, and she definitely doesn’t buy his whole “assassin” story. Meanwhile, Stryker has fallen hard for Millie, and it’s becoming less about keeping her safe and more about wanting her near. But how do you convince the woman you kidnapped to trust you, and maybe fall for you too? Millie is very attracted to him, but it’s never enough to stop her from wanting to leave. Stryker has to find a way to keep her safe, earn her trust, and keep her from escaping.
This was a unique story. Things that took away from it for me: the cursing, the heavy focus on physical attraction, which often pulled attention away from the depth of Stryker’s feelings and the real connection the two of them could have had. Stryker seemed to have more depth than Millie at times because her character is constantly ogling him, whereas Stryker pays attention to even the smallest details about Millie, and it shows. The fainting spells and a few plot points didn’t feel very practical. It’s more romcom than anything. Personally, I could have done without the language. It is a just-kisses romance, though it can seem a bit iffy at times, but it never goes further.
Overall, it’s a unique read. For me, it was a 3.5 rounded to a 4. I did like the side characters enough that I might consider reading their stories. I was especially curious about Heidi and Basil, and now I see they have a story next. And Archie I didn’t expect a romance for him, but it looks like he also has one that just released. So now I’m curious!
What You'll Find:
• He falls first
• Forced proximity
• Grumpy/Sunshine
• Found family
• Closed door
This is an interesting read. He’s an assassin, hired to take out some of the worst people out there. But every time he’s tasked with a job, Millie somehow gets in the way, ruining mission after mission because he doesn’t want to risk her getting hurt. Finally, enough is enough, and Stryker decides he’s taking her. Not just because she’s getting in the way, but because she’s homeless, living out of her car, and he’s starting to worry about her as she gets thinner and thinner. So… kidnapping it is.
Millie is not happy about it. She’s quickly caged and then cuffed so Stryker can keep her close, but he also feeds her, buys her new clothes, a house, etc. Millie, however, wants out. She doesn’t trust him, and she definitely doesn’t buy his whole “assassin” story. Meanwhile, Stryker has fallen hard for Millie, and it’s becoming less about keeping her safe and more about wanting her near. But how do you convince the woman you kidnapped to trust you, and maybe fall for you too? Millie is very attracted to him, but it’s never enough to stop her from wanting to leave. Stryker has to find a way to keep her safe, earn her trust, and keep her from escaping.
This was a unique story. Things that took away from it for me: the cursing, the heavy focus on physical attraction, which often pulled attention away from the depth of Stryker’s feelings and the real connection the two of them could have had. Stryker seemed to have more depth than Millie at times because her character is constantly ogling him, whereas Stryker pays attention to even the smallest details about Millie, and it shows. The fainting spells and a few plot points didn’t feel very practical. It’s more romcom than anything. Personally, I could have done without the language. It is a just-kisses romance, though it can seem a bit iffy at times, but it never goes further.
Overall, it’s a unique read. For me, it was a 3.5 rounded to a 4. I did like the side characters enough that I might consider reading their stories. I was especially curious about Heidi and Basil, and now I see they have a story next. And Archie I didn’t expect a romance for him, but it looks like he also has one that just released. So now I’m curious!
October 6, 2024
Not my usual genre, but I’ll read anything Storm writes! Her debut novel exceeds all expectations. The story is a quick, witty read and her humor shines through in her writing. I’m looking forward to reading the next book in this series and seeing how she develops the rest of the characters!
October 19, 2024
Was the kidnapper hot? Yes. Was the book ridiculous and lacking any actual storyline? Also yes. We get more chapters describing the fmc's fainting spells than we do actual plot.
November 19, 2024
wtf was that garbage? Plot made absolutely no sense and while I could probably get past that bc I’m a very suspension of belief kinda gal, there was absolutely zero spice and NO CURSING?! WTAF. Big waste of my time.
November 7, 2024
It was so cute
May 6, 2025
This was so goofy what did I just read?
October 9, 2024
4.5 ⭐
Loved it!!!
It wa so freaking hilarious and sweet and swoony.
I loved the MC's and the side characters were absolutely amazing.
I adore a good "found family" book and this one gave it amazingly.
I need to know more about Archie and who he ends up with. I'm sure that would be a one fiery relationship 😂
Can't wait for Baz and Heidis book!
Loved it!!!
It wa so freaking hilarious and sweet and swoony.
I loved the MC's and the side characters were absolutely amazing.
I adore a good "found family" book and this one gave it amazingly.
I need to know more about Archie and who he ends up with. I'm sure that would be a one fiery relationship 😂
Can't wait for Baz and Heidis book!
October 9, 2024
ARC review
This was hilarious, I loved it.
I adored Stryker. That man knew what he wanted and he went after it, no matter the obstacules. He wanted Millie and he showed her that in his actions and his gestures and words.
Millie was just awesome. She had no filter and she was who she was. The way she kept trying to resist Stryker and the life he could provide her was something else
This was hilarious, I loved it.
I adored Stryker. That man knew what he wanted and he went after it, no matter the obstacules. He wanted Millie and he showed her that in his actions and his gestures and words.
Millie was just awesome. She had no filter and she was who she was. The way she kept trying to resist Stryker and the life he could provide her was something else
October 4, 2024
This one starts at full speed and then you're just trying to catch up. Clean romance but there's an assassin plus kidnapping, so there's that. Loads of interesting characters and a huge learning curve on what is actually going on and emotional, mental and physical health for the main female protagonist. Everything is revealed bit by bit and you start cheering for all of them, though the back stories of side characters hopefully come later. Found family is a bonus!
May 29, 2025
After the fun that was Unwillfully Tied to my Valentine, I decided to try one of Storm’s other titles… she must be relatively new to the scene as there are only three currently out, with a fourth (another duology with Camilla Evergreen) due out next month.
So, slim pickings it is. I was left with two books available for me to read- a duology she has written on her own. The first, hilariously and embarrassingly titled Oh No, My Kidnapper Is Hot! has just spat me out after the end of the most demented Tunnel of Love ride ever.
Not entirely sure it was worth the cost of my reading time???? Let me break that down for you. Yes, it’s free on Kindle Unlimited, but while Camilla ushered me to the darker no spice fantasy side with her equally hilariously embarrassing titled book Falling In Love With My Vampire Cat, hot kidnappers are most definitely not my jam. Yes, the foreword clearly states that IRL this trope is a massive red flag that you should be running from, not falling for, I still spent the whole book thinking Beefcake Stockholm Syndrome on Steroids would be a title improvement.
Our male lead, Stryker (probably a last name since he says he had good parents as a kid) is an assassin who kidnaps the blonde gal who somehow keeps bumbling into his various contract hit subjects and unwittingly allowing them to escape unscathed. After two months of this his observing Millie results in several facts: 1) this girl is homeless and living in her tiny car while working a waitressing gig for practically nothing beyond the free meal she is allowed at the end of each shift she works. 2) she has absolutely no family or friends, can’t afford to eat more days than not. 3) no one would miss her if she were to disappear entirely, allowing him to get back to doing the job he loves, and 4) he’s fallen head over heels for the girl.
So the morning comes where he kidnaps her, throws her into a dog kennel in the back of his filthy van and hauls her to his secure compound. Funny enough, everyone there (all 5 other people) are all just so happy to get to finally meet her and how nice most of them are- considering they are all working together in one form or another in this assassination group.
Too bad Millie can’t spend any length of time staring into his twilight-transitioning-to-night darn blue eyes, noting his soft lips or gorgeous face, his shoulders, chest or the thigh tattoos on show every time he wears his daily exercise gear of hiking boots and the world’s tiniest and tightest boy bootie shorts. And yes, he wears those specifically so she can look to her heart’s content in the hopes she’ll eventually desensitize enough to stop blacking out around him.
Maybe if she took it more seriously instead of just assuming Stryker’s claim to be an assassin for hire is just a fantasy for a hot guy having a bit of a break from reality? But nope, Millie just keeps finding out things she really doesn’t want to know. Stryker’s insistence she’ll come to love and adore him are equally disturbing, no matter how often he’s catching her whenever she’s overwhelmed by his looks.
We are treated to more swooning than working storyline here, but isn’t that supposed to be okay when this is all just so beyond morally gray bad boy behavior?
By the time I reached the final thirty or so percent of the book I found myself having just decided to go with the flow of what is happening in this odd little found family and just hang on for the rest of the ride.
Did it end cute? Gee, how could that have ever been in doubt in a duology calling itself Criminally Captivated? Stryker’s form of romance and wooing is a red flag nightmare that should haunt every parent’s worst fears, but no, this happy bunch of characters consider this just another Tuesday or Thursday… we only know she’s been trying to escape for a couple of months and is failing so spectacularly that she’s barely ever made it to the front door of her tiny cabin.
I can’t believe myself by admitting I will read the second book entitled Oh No, My Best Friend Hates Christmas! I guess Heidi and Basil are going to jump from besties to lovers in this one, considering it is clearly marketed as romance.
Even my husband gave me pitying looks mixed with what I can only interpret as confusion and disappointment when I informed him of book one’s hot kidnapper title. At least he laughed at the Vampire Cat title and was amused at how fast I devoured Camilla’s That’s (Para)Normal series. This time he might honestly be planning an intervention. It’s okay sweetie- if you’re reading this review (and, if not, why aren’t you reading all the reviews I have taken the time to write and share with the world) you’ll know I haven’t completely gone to the dark side- my crushes on Loki and Kylo Ren notwithstanding (it’s not kidnapping unless it’s without consent- I can’t suffer Stockholm Syndrome if I just happened to volunteer to accompany either one on a voluntary basis).
Kidnapping is bad. Volunteering to be held hostage is another thing entirely, right? I mean the self-sacrifice alone to save others is rather heroic of me…maybe?
But I digress. Don’t pick this book up expecting to ‘take it with an ounce of salt’ while rolling your eyes…. go out to the Utah Salt Flats with your pickup and a shovel and fill the truck bed, okay? I mean it- it’s humor is basically cheesy dialogue that wouldn’t even make it in a B-movie. Mostly shuddering comments about looking at the man meat all she wants but hey, stop fighting him because those bites and kicks are just foreplay to this guy or hey, he can always strip down further than the booty shorts if she really wants a closer look.
Shudders.
Yes, I may have even wanted to scrub my brain with industrial-strength bleach a time or two at this man’s comments. Loads of swearing from the male lead, and even though it’s censored it is still obvious what words he’s saying by adding two little letters (no, you won’t need a second or third guess to know it’s f-bombs pouring out over how hot she makes him). And if the bootie shorts don’t get to you, there’s the even teensier swim trunks. No clue on what could be smaller because it isn’t really described except as covering much less…. my brain defaulted to Daniel Craig’s Bond swim trunks in Casino Royals and figured Stryker cut a few inches off, which means his pool look was probably no more than a skimpier version of a banana hammock and nope, my brain refuses to formulate an image because, hey, I have a problem with guys insisting they are secure being seen only as beefcake.
Gross. Have some respect for yourself and show us some real personality to attract a girl rather rely on being a protein-enhanced thirst traps…. but yes, our female lead indeed goes dry in the mouth more than once.
Yeah, I don’t even want to call this dark romance…. but I guess every pool has a deep end? I think I’ll be heading back to the kiddie-pool now.
So, slim pickings it is. I was left with two books available for me to read- a duology she has written on her own. The first, hilariously and embarrassingly titled Oh No, My Kidnapper Is Hot! has just spat me out after the end of the most demented Tunnel of Love ride ever.
Not entirely sure it was worth the cost of my reading time???? Let me break that down for you. Yes, it’s free on Kindle Unlimited, but while Camilla ushered me to the darker no spice fantasy side with her equally hilariously embarrassing titled book Falling In Love With My Vampire Cat, hot kidnappers are most definitely not my jam. Yes, the foreword clearly states that IRL this trope is a massive red flag that you should be running from, not falling for, I still spent the whole book thinking Beefcake Stockholm Syndrome on Steroids would be a title improvement.
Our male lead, Stryker (probably a last name since he says he had good parents as a kid) is an assassin who kidnaps the blonde gal who somehow keeps bumbling into his various contract hit subjects and unwittingly allowing them to escape unscathed. After two months of this his observing Millie results in several facts: 1) this girl is homeless and living in her tiny car while working a waitressing gig for practically nothing beyond the free meal she is allowed at the end of each shift she works. 2) she has absolutely no family or friends, can’t afford to eat more days than not. 3) no one would miss her if she were to disappear entirely, allowing him to get back to doing the job he loves, and 4) he’s fallen head over heels for the girl.
So the morning comes where he kidnaps her, throws her into a dog kennel in the back of his filthy van and hauls her to his secure compound. Funny enough, everyone there (all 5 other people) are all just so happy to get to finally meet her and how nice most of them are- considering they are all working together in one form or another in this assassination group.
Too bad Millie can’t spend any length of time staring into his twilight-transitioning-to-night darn blue eyes, noting his soft lips or gorgeous face, his shoulders, chest or the thigh tattoos on show every time he wears his daily exercise gear of hiking boots and the world’s tiniest and tightest boy bootie shorts. And yes, he wears those specifically so she can look to her heart’s content in the hopes she’ll eventually desensitize enough to stop blacking out around him.
Maybe if she took it more seriously instead of just assuming Stryker’s claim to be an assassin for hire is just a fantasy for a hot guy having a bit of a break from reality? But nope, Millie just keeps finding out things she really doesn’t want to know. Stryker’s insistence she’ll come to love and adore him are equally disturbing, no matter how often he’s catching her whenever she’s overwhelmed by his looks.
We are treated to more swooning than working storyline here, but isn’t that supposed to be okay when this is all just so beyond morally gray bad boy behavior?
By the time I reached the final thirty or so percent of the book I found myself having just decided to go with the flow of what is happening in this odd little found family and just hang on for the rest of the ride.
Did it end cute? Gee, how could that have ever been in doubt in a duology calling itself Criminally Captivated? Stryker’s form of romance and wooing is a red flag nightmare that should haunt every parent’s worst fears, but no, this happy bunch of characters consider this just another Tuesday or Thursday… we only know she’s been trying to escape for a couple of months and is failing so spectacularly that she’s barely ever made it to the front door of her tiny cabin.
I can’t believe myself by admitting I will read the second book entitled Oh No, My Best Friend Hates Christmas! I guess Heidi and Basil are going to jump from besties to lovers in this one, considering it is clearly marketed as romance.
Even my husband gave me pitying looks mixed with what I can only interpret as confusion and disappointment when I informed him of book one’s hot kidnapper title. At least he laughed at the Vampire Cat title and was amused at how fast I devoured Camilla’s That’s (Para)Normal series. This time he might honestly be planning an intervention. It’s okay sweetie- if you’re reading this review (and, if not, why aren’t you reading all the reviews I have taken the time to write and share with the world) you’ll know I haven’t completely gone to the dark side- my crushes on Loki and Kylo Ren notwithstanding (it’s not kidnapping unless it’s without consent- I can’t suffer Stockholm Syndrome if I just happened to volunteer to accompany either one on a voluntary basis).
Kidnapping is bad. Volunteering to be held hostage is another thing entirely, right? I mean the self-sacrifice alone to save others is rather heroic of me…maybe?
But I digress. Don’t pick this book up expecting to ‘take it with an ounce of salt’ while rolling your eyes…. go out to the Utah Salt Flats with your pickup and a shovel and fill the truck bed, okay? I mean it- it’s humor is basically cheesy dialogue that wouldn’t even make it in a B-movie. Mostly shuddering comments about looking at the man meat all she wants but hey, stop fighting him because those bites and kicks are just foreplay to this guy or hey, he can always strip down further than the booty shorts if she really wants a closer look.
Shudders.
Yes, I may have even wanted to scrub my brain with industrial-strength bleach a time or two at this man’s comments. Loads of swearing from the male lead, and even though it’s censored it is still obvious what words he’s saying by adding two little letters (no, you won’t need a second or third guess to know it’s f-bombs pouring out over how hot she makes him). And if the bootie shorts don’t get to you, there’s the even teensier swim trunks. No clue on what could be smaller because it isn’t really described except as covering much less…. my brain defaulted to Daniel Craig’s Bond swim trunks in Casino Royals and figured Stryker cut a few inches off, which means his pool look was probably no more than a skimpier version of a banana hammock and nope, my brain refuses to formulate an image because, hey, I have a problem with guys insisting they are secure being seen only as beefcake.
Gross. Have some respect for yourself and show us some real personality to attract a girl rather rely on being a protein-enhanced thirst traps…. but yes, our female lead indeed goes dry in the mouth more than once.
Yeah, I don’t even want to call this dark romance…. but I guess every pool has a deep end? I think I’ll be heading back to the kiddie-pool now.
October 9, 2024
Ohhhhh noooo. I have fallen in love with another book. Save me.
This book. It got me. It gave me those cutie little swoopie lightning bugs in my belly with all the love, wit, and banter.
THE CHARACTERSS. Are you even kidding me right now. Yes. Yes. And more yes. How is the heck is this even real life. Storm is awesome, amazing, with a dash of sick and twisted.
Definitely looking forward to whatever she puts out next! Can’t get enough. I yearn for it like the children yearn for the mines.
Hotter dan heck n here!!! 🔥🔥🔥
This book. It got me. It gave me those cutie little swoopie lightning bugs in my belly with all the love, wit, and banter.
THE CHARACTERSS. Are you even kidding me right now. Yes. Yes. And more yes. How is the heck is this even real life. Storm is awesome, amazing, with a dash of sick and twisted.
Definitely looking forward to whatever she puts out next! Can’t get enough. I yearn for it like the children yearn for the mines.
Hotter dan heck n here!!! 🔥🔥🔥
October 4, 2024
This book was amazing! Stryker and Millie had such amazing chemistry!!! I felt like I was put in a romcom with a twist of criminal. I absolutely love how Storm wrote this book! I relate so well with the fact that when Millie has a thought, she just then says it out loud. I have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself even if they don't sound very elegant.
Storms debut novel left me feeling like I just got swallowed up in a criminal sized hug! So beautiful!
Now I must go find a super hot guy to kidnap me and feed me all the meals!
Storms debut novel left me feeling like I just got swallowed up in a criminal sized hug! So beautiful!
Now I must go find a super hot guy to kidnap me and feed me all the meals!
November 1, 2024
This book is definitely not for everyone. But it is tongue-in-cheek, self-aware, genre-conscious, witty, and hilarious. I would read (and am reading!) other books by this author.
Content-wise, I wouldn't hand this novel to a twelve-year-old, but it was clean enough it didn't make me uncomfortable. More specifically:
Of course, the whole plot revolves around the fact that he's an assassin, and like it says on the tin, he kidnaps her. He has good reasons for it , but it requires suspension of disbelief, in a way: you have to be comfortable enough with the concept that although the action would never, ever be a good idea in real life, this is a novel and it's fictional, so it's okay because the story works out well.
A few quotes, to give you an idea of the vibe:
• I’ve been through worse than this, probably. It’s just an itty bitty kidnapping in the world’s nastiest van with the world’s hottest baddie. I can handle that. Absolutely no biggie at all. I am so capable of escaping this totally-not-a-big-deal situation.
• Is the water here pure protein or something? I went twenty-six years without seeing a man this jacked and now I’ve seen two in as many days.
• It’s enough food to feed a little league. Or, I suppose, two massive men.
• He can’t be that dense, can he? I remember – for maybe the millionth time – that Stryker is, in fact, a man. He can be – and often is – that dense.
• Stryker grabs his mysterious duffels and enters the bathroom. The door closes behind him and I am left to sit and wait, wondering what could be in his bags. One, I assume, has clothes. The other one intrigues me. It could be full of anything. It could be full of guns, or explosives, or cabbage patch kids. All the normal things crazy people carry around.
• It turns out that hills are not my thing, and dying on them is stupid.
• I need at least five to ten business days to wake up in the morning, and I never get out of bed before nine.
• The denial box is going to need to be expanded into a denial vault at this point. I need more real estate. Especially if he’s serious about his ridiculous wooing plans. I might even need a whole denial cargo ship. Maybe an island, where I can stack boxes to the sky.
Content-wise, I wouldn't hand this novel to a twelve-year-old, but it was clean enough it didn't make me uncomfortable. More specifically:
Of course, the whole plot revolves around the fact that he's an assassin, and like it says on the tin, he kidnaps her. He has good reasons for it , but it requires suspension of disbelief, in a way: you have to be comfortable enough with the concept that although the action would never, ever be a good idea in real life, this is a novel and it's fictional, so it's okay because the story works out well.
A few quotes, to give you an idea of the vibe:
• I’ve been through worse than this, probably. It’s just an itty bitty kidnapping in the world’s nastiest van with the world’s hottest baddie. I can handle that. Absolutely no biggie at all. I am so capable of escaping this totally-not-a-big-deal situation.
• Is the water here pure protein or something? I went twenty-six years without seeing a man this jacked and now I’ve seen two in as many days.
• It’s enough food to feed a little league. Or, I suppose, two massive men.
• He can’t be that dense, can he? I remember – for maybe the millionth time – that Stryker is, in fact, a man. He can be – and often is – that dense.
• Stryker grabs his mysterious duffels and enters the bathroom. The door closes behind him and I am left to sit and wait, wondering what could be in his bags. One, I assume, has clothes. The other one intrigues me. It could be full of anything. It could be full of guns, or explosives, or cabbage patch kids. All the normal things crazy people carry around.
• It turns out that hills are not my thing, and dying on them is stupid.
• I need at least five to ten business days to wake up in the morning, and I never get out of bed before nine.
• The denial box is going to need to be expanded into a denial vault at this point. I need more real estate. Especially if he’s serious about his ridiculous wooing plans. I might even need a whole denial cargo ship. Maybe an island, where I can stack boxes to the sky.
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