The Too-Good Wife: Alcohol, Codependency, and the Politics of Nurturance in Postwar Japan (Ethnographic Studies in Subjectivity)

Ethnographic Studies in Subjectivity

by Amy Borovoy

Social drinking is an accepted aspect of working life in Japan, and women are left to manage their drunken husbands when the men return home, restoring them to sobriety for the next day of work. In attempting to cope with their husbands' alcoholism, the women face a profound cultural when does the nurturing behavior expected of a good wife and mother become part of a pattern of behavior that is actually destructive? How does the celebration of nurturance and dependency mask the exploitative aspects not just of family life but also of public life in Japan? The Too-Good Wife follows the experiences of a group of middle-class women in Tokyo who participated in a weekly support meeting for families of substance abusers at a public mental-health clinic. Amy Borovoy deftly analyzes the dilemmas of being female in modern Japan and the grace with which women struggle within a system that supports wives and mothers but thwarts their attempts to find fulfillment outside the family. The central concerns of the book reach beyond the problem of alcoholism to examine the women's own processes of self-reflection and criticism and the deeper fissures and asymmetries that undergird Japanese productivity and social order.

Genres: Japan

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Chelsea Szendi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really well-written account of how the contemporary American discourse of ego psychology and the individual plays out in Japan, set in the context of a support group for families of substance abusers. Reads so smoothly and yet densely. Borovoy is particularly good at handling a long-standing dilemma for self-described feminist scholars from North America and Europe working outside the "West": how to retain a critical feminist position of the society under study, while recognizing that one's feminism is a historically specific ideology. This book remains alert to this issue, and the result is an elegant critique of both contemporary Japanese marriage and the failures of second-wave feminism's emphasis on individual liberation.

[Alice Jennings · Rating 4 out of 5]

Original- interviews from housewives who have given up on working, because becoming a housewife is the easier option. Puts a new perspective on lack of female employment

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Borovoy merits high praise for the many elements of The Too Good Wife which were very skillfully done.

As a retired psychologist with 30+ years of experience in treating individuals and family members struggling to deal with alcoholism and/or drug abuse I can confidently endorse how well she presented Al Anon’s conceptualization of and its approach to helping spouses cope with these disorders. Basic concepts like codependency, enabling, and many others were succinctly yet still thoroughly described in nontechnical language so that readers with no knowledge of these issues beforehand would readily grasp them.

Another aspect of my work as a psychologist involved my writing reports in which I tried to explain complex client problems including family and marital dynamics in ways which would allow non mental health professionals to benefit from my efforts. Despite her probably not having formal mental health training Bovoroy succeeded at doing this. The many case examples provided with timely quotations from the women attending the groups the author observed solidified the understanding she sought. A 17 page basically unedited summary of a ‘success story’ of one client was both informative and engaging.

I lived in Japan (1969-71), I have read dozens of books about the country since then, and I audited a number of university courses about it after my retirement in 2010. Thus, I can confidently opine how exceptionally well the author provided explanations of the historical and modern day sociocultural factors which determine how the wives of alcoholics view themselves and their relationships with their spouse and their children. This allowed Bovory to explain the limitations which some of Al Anon’s concepts encountered in a very different culture like Japan’s.

The 23 pages of annotated notes and the 17 page bibliography confirmed how much research she did in writing Too Good. Part of this involved careful yet readable explanations of how Japanese psychiatrists and other experts have written about these issues. Furthermore, this was done in chapters which were well organized. Breaking the chapters into sections facilitated the reader staying focused on the points Bovoroy was trying to make. A largely conversational prose helped to make it readily readable.

Additionally, the author frequently included Japanese language quotes of the ways in which the women would talk about themselves, their marriage, etc. For someone like myself who has some modest proficiency in the language these enhanced my engagement with the book.

Finally, there is a concluding chapter in which she offered her own perspectives on the challenges which Japanese women were facing in society circa the early 2000’s when Too Good was published. Sadly, IMHO little has changed since then.

I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in either Japanese society or how alcoholism is seen and dealt with there. For someone like myself with interests in and knowledge of both it is a treasure trove which was greatly appreciated.

[Cara Ferrantelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

a little slow but overall a good read with some cool insights

[Felipe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good information, but ends on a somewhat conservative note, and I have to take away points for referencing anything by Yamada Masahiro unproblematically (After hearing that man speak, I still can't imagine who gave him a damn PhD in the first place.) She also seems to have a tendency to reference very dated material without classifying it (although perhaps the in-text citation system renders that technically unnecessary? )

[Jessica Zu · Rating 5 out of 5]

awesome! The reflections on American feminism are thought-provoking. I recommend every self-claimed feminist check out at least the conclusion of this book
I'd be interested to see how motherhood and childhood are constructed mutually in different cultures.
I'm primarily interested in discourses about childhood, children's sexuality and religiosity :)