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The collected short and absurdist stories of the Romanian writer “Urmuz”, dating from the early years of the twentieth century up until their author’s death in 1923. Urmuz’s work has been claimed as a forerunner of Dada, and of Surrealism as well, and shows again the sharp sense of the vitality of the avant-garde amongst Romanian practitioners. Limited Edition of 300.

48 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1930

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About the author

Urmuz

11 books41 followers
Urmuz, pen name of Demetru Dem. Demetrescu-Buzău, was a Romanian writer of absurdist and avant-garde prose.

In his early youth, he dreamed of becoming a composer; he read science fiction and travel literature. During his years at the Gheorghe Lazăr High School, he became friends with George Ciprian (who later wrote an affectionate memoir on Urmuz, in which he recorded some of his writings as he had memorized them) and Vasile Voiculescu.

He studied law and after he obtained his degree, he became a judge in the Argeş and Tulcea Counties, as well as in Târgovişte. He took part in the Romanian military intervention in Bulgaria, during the Second Balkan War (1913), and afterwards became a court clerk at the High Court of Cassation and Justice in Bucharest.

He began writing only to entertain his brothers and sisters, by mimicking the clichés of contemporary prose. His texts were noticed by Tudor Arghezi, who was also the one to name him Urmuz, and he was published in 1922, in two consecutive issues of the Cugetul românesc magazine - with his Pâlnia şi Stamate ("The Funnel and Stamate"), a short "anti-prose" which has the ironic subtitle "a novel in four-parts". It relied on a series of sophisticated puns using the double meanings of some Romanian language words, such as: men that descend from monkeys as they would do from one floor to the other; a table with no legs - that is supported by computations and probabilities; walls that, "in accordance with Oriental customs", have cosmetics applied to them each morning or, alternatively, are measured with a compass, so they would not shrink randomly (the first of the wordplays here is on the antiquated verb a sulemeni - "to paint" as well as "to apply makeup").

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
Profile Image for Eddie Watkins.
Author 48 books5,557 followers
September 29, 2014
Though the introduction to this volume avers that both Kafka and Urmuz expressed with identical precision (and at the same time) what Jacques Vache called “a theatrical of universally joyless inutility”, reading Urmuz actually makes me feel good. Or maybe he just stimulates me, sets my mind working (however pointlessly). He makes me feel like a little gerbil running inside a wheel getting nowhere. Like that gerbil I feel exhilarated (I’ve watched them, they do), but unlike that gerbil the wheel is in my mind and is spoked (spooked) by many thoughts and ideas that establish a rigorous yet ephemeral intricacy which while substantive leads only from nowhere to nowhere, or rather from pointless crowdedness to pointless emptiness, and back, and back and forth, for ever-diminishing forever... This intricacy is like the distilled effluvia of philosophical/metaphysical speculation forming patterns that answer for the moment, but which quickly dissipate, leaving their elusive shadows etched in the brain.

But though there is a headiness here there is also a human very physical warmth, stemming necessarily from the crowdedness mentioned. There is (inescapable) human interconnectedness, though this interconnectedness often leads to mutual annihilation. At times this annihilation is due to an excess of affection, like a child loving a doll so much she cuts its hair, rips its head off (it happens, I’ve seen it). From this crowded interconnectedness comes a tightly wound joy, as when the Stamate family enjoy themselves so much (while tied together to a pole in their parlor) that they let off pistols into the air.

This Stamate family is the exemplary Urmuzian human collection. They live in an ostentatiously decorated three room apartment, and though there is difficulty and strife between them they nevertheless voluntarily live tied together to a maypole in a low-ceilinged room. Here is the second paragraph of The Funnel and Stamate: A Novel in Four Parts, which in many ways encapsulates all that I love about Urmuz:

In the front a magnificent drawing-room whose back wall is covered by a bookcase of solid oak at all times tightly wrapped up in wet sheets… In the middle a legless table, based on calculus and probabilities, supports a vase containing the eternal essence of “things in themselves”, a clove of garlic, and a statuette representing a Transylvanian priest who holds a syntax and a tip of twenty coppers in his hand… The rest is of no importance – except that this room, always sunk in darkness, has neither doors nor windows, and only communicates with the outside world through a tube which from time to time emits smoke, and through which one can see, during the night, Ptolemy’s seven hemispheres, and during the day two men descending from monkeys, as well as a final string of dry lady’s fingers and the infinite and useless Auto-Kosmos…

The Urmuzian world is a crowded world, but though its crowdedness can lead to violence and insanity it is also a crowdedness that is crammed with the small, and so has an atmosphere of getting larger the further one goes into it (the Stamate family tale ends with the patriarch running like a madman as he shrinks himself and tries endlessly to penetrate and enter into the “small infinite”). Let me just say that I love this ending. Like so much of Urmuz it encapsulates an entire intellectual disposition in just a few words. He is indeed a master metaphysical minimalist.

He is also just as adept at making a political point in just as few words. Here’s a passage from Ismail and Turnavitu

For a long time Turnavitu has been nothing but an ordinary ventilator at various dirty Greek cafes situated in Covaci Street and Gabroveni. As he could no longer bear the odour, Turnavitu meddled for some time in politics until he managed to be appointed State ventilator, attached to the kitchen of the “Radu Voda” Fire Station.

This is concisely absurd hilarious political satire, and as the rest of the story involves itself with the relationship of Ismail and Turnavitu it, like all of his stories, situates the purely human dynamic higher than the political, which is always trivialized. That the tale ends with Ismail firing Turnavitu and Turnavitu subsequently committing suicide, but before committing suicide burning all of Ismail’s dresses and so reducing Ismail to nothing but two eyes and one whisker existing in a state of perpetual decay, only emphasizes the point that though human relations are fraught with strife, at least they are human and not abstractly political. The Urmuzian world is nothing if not infinitely tangible and real, however much the Urmuzian hero strives endlessly to disappear into an abstract world of his own invention.

Let me end with a tender and hilarious portrait of Algazy (from Algazy and Grummer):

Algazy speaks no European language… If you wait for him at crack of dawn and say “Good morning, Algazy!” stressing the “z”, he will smile and, to show his gratitude, put one hand in his pocket and pull out the end of a string thus making his beard quiver with joy for a full quarter of an hour…

The compact Urmuzian world is populated fully with such engaging eccentrics, and though they screw piano lids to their buttocks which they somehow manage to piss on, or have legs that are bent twice out and once in and who never shave, they will still welcome you into their absurd little crowded shops, and though you might be shown mercy and hired on the spot, or just as quickly get fired for sneezing on the proprietor's badgers, it is worth the risk, as his world is filled with exhilarating and dynamic wonders.

(I do not want to overburden this review of a master minimalist with too much baggage so I have necessarily omitted a discussion of the erotic themes woven through Urmuz's works. Suffice it to say that Urmuz was idealistically inclined to view the ear as a chaste vagina, which thoughts and music enter instead of a penis, and that if the ear could not be a vagina he would just as well have a funnel (as a stand-in for a vagina) situated directly next to a communicating tube (an ear) so that the sexual and the metaphysical could more readily merge.)
Profile Image for Gabriela Pistol.
643 reviews246 followers
August 14, 2022
E o fantezie enormă în absurdul lui Urmuz (pe care unii îl calificau deja ca suprarealism, Bogza zicând că Urmuz a făcut primul pas pe o planetă nouă, unde ei, ceilalți avangardiști ajung mai târziu). Și e o mare tristețe în umorul lui, căci nu există niciun sens în universul acesta absurd.
Unii critici (de acum mai bine de 80 de ani) îl aseamănă cu Kafka. Mie fantezia lui mi-a adus aminte de Axolotul și cronopii lui Cortazar.

"Gayk este singurul civil care poartă pe umărul drept un susținător de armă. El are gâtlejul totdeauna supt și moralul foarte ridicat [...]. Ține să fie bine pregătit pentru orice eventualitate și de aceea doarme numai în frac și mănuși albe, păstrând ascunse sub pernă o nota diplomatică, o cantitate respectabilă de pesmeți...și o mitralieră.
In timpul zilei, Gayk nu poate suferi altă îmbrăcăminte decât o perdeluță cu brizbrizuri, una în față și alta în spate, și cari se pot foarte ușor da în lături de oricine cu permisiunea sa.
Timpul și-l petrece înotând continuu 23 de ore, însă numai în direcțiunea nord-sud, de teama de a nu ieși din neutralitate. În ora liberă ce-i mai rămâne se inspiră de la muze cu bocanci".

Aș putea să bag mâna în foc că printre victimele burgheze ale caricaturizării urmuziene se numărau colegii de magistratură.
Dar eu pe Ismail aș vrea să îl întâlnesc:
"Ismail este compus din ochi, favoriți și rochie și se gasește azi cu foarte mare greutate".
Profile Image for Nate D.
1,653 reviews1,252 followers
September 12, 2012
Romania, all-too-easily overlooked on the edge of Eastern Europe, has produced more than its share of key modernist innovators. Tristan Tzara and Isidore Isou spring first to mind, and in the last decade's hyperrealist film movement has made them one of the biggest cultural exporters of the region. Add to these, even earlier, far back at the start of the 20th century, Urmuz. Born Demetru Dem. Demetrescu-Buzau, the writer-musicians complete written works run a scant 32 pages here (plus a 1967 translator's biographical note), an exuberant scatter of dada-absurdist inspiration (think: Daniil Kharms) and futurist/proto-surrealist abstraction of modern life and humanity (think: Alberto Savinio's capering mechanized mythologies). The dense bizzarity may take some work to extract any kind of significance from nonsense, yet these are consistently funny and oddly engaging. Not sure exactly when these would all have been composed, but Urmuz, despairing of musical success in a tedious judicial career, shot himself in 1923, so they're undoubtedly early in march of modernism.

On the movement of the galaxies:
Even admitting that they spin only for their own amusement, it is difficult to suppose that their motives are entirely disinterested, without the intention of making the slightest profit. Surely it would seem ridiculous for anyone to gyrate for ever and ever, free of charge, just to be seen by others...

On dealing with tax collectors:
he was quite content to be able to produce his pauper's identity card which he just happened to have on him that day and which, among other exemptions and advantages, conferred on him the right to squat on his haunches on the branch of a tree absolutely free of charge and for as long as he liked.

Um, something else:
Grummer is still on the watch. False-hearted, with a sideways look, first pulling out only his beak which he wiggles to and fro ostentatiously on a trough specially fitted to the edge of the counter, he finally appears in his entirety. He then resorts to all kinds of manouvres to force Algazy to leave the place, and insidiously draws the visitor into discussions of every kind -- especially on sport and literature -- until, when it pleases him, he strikes your tummy twice with his beak, so hard in fact that you rush away into the street howling with pain.

I just picked up a subscription to the latest series of Atlas Press' fantastically strange Printed Head, so expect more in this vein.

Profile Image for S̶e̶a̶n̶.
978 reviews582 followers
June 7, 2019
Word got around that Cotadi only feeds on ant eggs which he ingests through a funnel, excreting, in turn, fizz, and that he is stoppered six months every year with a champagne cork which, whenever pulled, is divided into nonappropriable parcels meant to be distributed to the rural population in the hope that this would resolve, in a completely empirical and primitive manner, the delicate and complex agrarian question . . .
A perfect read for summer—the most absurd season of them all.
Profile Image for andi.
264 reviews
May 12, 2021
3,5

mi s-a părut interesant, avangardismul nu e neapărat stilul meu, dar mereu mi s-a părut interesant când autorii își puneau imaginația la contribuție și creau ceva autentic, iar asta am văzut aici. povestirile în sine nu m-au dat pe spate neapărat, le-am găsit foarte weird pe unele, altele mi s-au părut faine, dar overall a fost o lectură interesantă și cu siguranță cum n-am mai citit până acum.
Profile Image for Felix.
349 reviews361 followers
August 27, 2023
Urmuz is on the far end of surrealist literature. There is no real plot in any of these stories, just a sequence of bizarre happenings, loosely tied together by references to philosophical concepts or some other such facet of high culture.

That isn't to say that these stories have something to stay on a metaphorical level. I'm fairly sure that they don't. This is a literature as much of nihilism as it is of surrealism. Urmuz seems to be trying to build a literature that is not only illogical, but rejects logic itself. This is just chaos and carnage. It's a bizarre din of nonsense.

And it works quite well on an intellectual level. Although I couldn't tell you what happened in any of these stories. I could have done immediately after I finished reading them, but like waking from a dream, these unconnected sequences of happenings left my mind almost as soon as I tried to commit any of them to my long-term memory.
Profile Image for Una.
56 reviews13 followers
October 24, 2012
„Hai să pictez antropo-monștri și să-i plasez într-o realitate proprie.”, își zise, apoi va fi numit temerara îndeletnicire scriitoricească: „Pagini bizare”.

Cu adevărat bizară la acest „alunecos” Urmuz este reușita de a-ți suci creierii. Nu știu dacă spre bine sau spre rău. Și probabil nu contează. Mi-am simțit capul, cumva la propriu, mișcîndu-se, conexiunile mutîndu-se de colo-colo, încercînd să găsească mufele potrivite.

Se bălăcea Urmuz într-un curent de avantgardă (deși nu-l pot plasa decît alături de Dali, vizual, mai ales - o avantgardă neromânească și mult mai departe în viitor), se bălăci și-l luă apa.

Interpretabil pînă stai cu ochii cruciș: fiecare să-și ia porția de înțelesuri și povețe.

Mie nu mi s-a părut o lectură plăcută (am și explicat procesul fiziologic dubios-bizar prin care am trecut), dar mi s-a părut o lectură necesară. E un experiment de înțelegere. E nou (are doar 100 de ani, sau cam așa ceva). Adică, desigur, altfel. Și e înțesat cu experimente lingvistice (unele foaaarte surprinzătoare).

Urmuz rimează cu harbuz și totuși omul era foarte serios. Critic. Și inteligent.

Greu de citit două povestiri la rînd, dar suportabilă cîte una, după rutină și zîmbetele zilnic-necesare.

De revenit.





Profile Image for Philipp.
702 reviews225 followers
July 6, 2016
This was fun - extremely short with the introduction being the longest part of the book, you can read the whole thing in an afternoon. The tone and structure reminded me of a brighter Daniil Kharms, or of a more straightforward Helge Schneider [1], a random quote so you can see:


As for Stamate himself, one of the pursuits which takes up a great deal of his time is entering churches in the evening and taking instant pictures of the elderly saints, which he sells afterwards to his credulous wife and particularly to his son Bufty who has his own private income. Stamate would not have practiced this illicit commerce for anything in the world had he not been completely destitute; he was even forced to join the army at the age of one in order to be able to help, as early as possible, two of his hard-up younger brothers with over-protuberant hips, which had cost them their jobs.


It's proto-proto-dada and I'm sad there's not more.
Profile Image for p5nd5.
10 reviews1 follower
May 21, 2022
Înainte să citești textele lui Urmuz, indiferent dacă ai auzit ceva despre el sau nu, trebuie să renunți la orice așteptare. Aceste texte (care au fost publicate cu 2 ani înainte „Ion” de Liviu Rebreanu, informație care m-a surprins foarte tare) sunt atât de diferite de orice lucru scris în acea perioadă.
Pentru a avea o lectură mai plăcută, aș sugera să te întinzi pe spate și să te lași amuzat. Abia după o să prinzi anumite tente sarcastice și comentarii socio-politice.

fave fun ^^
Profile Image for Laurent De Maertelaer.
804 reviews163 followers
March 6, 2016
Roemeens cultfiguur en voorloper van het surrealisme, Urmuz (1883-1923), pseudoniem van Demetru Demetrescu-Buzău, studeerde rechten, nam deel aan de Tweede Balkanoorlog en was griffier aan het hof van cassatie in Boekarest. In de nacht van 22 op 23 november 1923 zette hij in een park vlakbij zijn kantoor een pistool tegen zijn hoofd. Hij had kort ervoor 2 verhalen gepubliceerd in een literair tijdschrift: die korte schrijfsels maakten meteen zijn roem. Bewonderaar en kunstbroeder Eugène Ionesco spande zich in om het verzameld werk van de man die hij zijn leermeester noemde te publiceren. Deze verzameling, in de mooie reeks 'Ceder Editie' van Meulenhoff, getiteld 'Na het onweer', bevat die eerste 2 verhalen, maar ook al het andere werk dat tussen Urmuz' bezittingen werd teruggevonden. Het gehele oeuvre beslaat nauwelijks vijftig pagina's, maar straalt een enorme kracht, vitaliteit en densiteit uit. Het zijn stuk voor stuk korte, weerbarstige, veellagige, soms naargeestige en vaak absurde verhaaltjes, die meer dan één lezing vragen en verdienen.
Profile Image for Ana.
811 reviews717 followers
abandoned
August 10, 2016
N-am putut sa-i gasesc intelesul, desi sincer am incercat. Nu-mi place cum scrie, este prea disparat, are momente de frumusete care sunt eclipsate de povestiri prea aiurite, si oricat am incercat nu puteam sa dau de cap. Am renuntat dupa vreo 50 de pagini, desi as fi putut sa continui. Dar daca nu imi place, ce sa fac...?
Profile Image for Leji.
4 reviews2 followers
November 12, 2023
Singura carte de care mă pot bucura.
Profile Image for dănuț.
296 reviews2 followers
Read
July 10, 2024
he died thinking no one matched his freak☹️
Profile Image for Andràș-Florin Răducanu.
769 reviews
March 10, 2021
Nu pot spune că este o capodoperă, însă clar este un caz inedit și interesant. Aceste proze sunt atât de evoluate literar pentru climatul în care au fost scrise încât este șocant ca al doilea deceniu din secolul al douăzecilea ne-a dat o astfel de creație în literatura română.
Profile Image for Constantin.
8 reviews1 follower
May 6, 2024
I should’ve taken a shot of alcohol for every single “what the fuck is going on” that i have let out throughout reading this book.
Profile Image for Cobertizo.
341 reviews22 followers
January 13, 2020
"Fuchs no fue parido por su madre y en el momento de su naci­miento ni siquiera fue visto, sólo oído, ya que Fuchs para venir al mun­do prefirió brotar de una de las ore­jas de la abuela, habida cuenta de que su madre no poseía mucho oído musical.
Fuchs pasó, como era razón, directamen­te al Conservatorio... En él tomó la forma de acor­de perfecto y, después de permanecer por modestia artís­tica tres años escondido bajo un piano de cola, ignorado de todos, salió del escondite para concluir en pocos minutos no sólo los estu­dios de armonía y contrapun­to, sino también los de piano. Acabados los estudios descen­dió a tierra pero, contra­ria­mente a lo que hubiera deseado, constató con pesar que dos de los sonidos que lo compo­nían, altera­dísi­mos con el transcurso del tiempo, ha­bían degene­rado: uno, en un par de bigo­tes y gafas sobre las orejas, y el otro en un sombrero. Estos detalles y la clave de sol que le había quedado, dieron a Fuchs una forma pre­cisa, alegórica y de­finitiva.
Más tarde, ya en la pubertad, despun­tó en Fuchs -es, al menos, lo que se dice- una especie de órgano genital, que no era otra cosa que una exuberante y candorosa hoja de parra. Otro exorno, ya fuera hoja o flor, no le habría consentido su naturaleza, púdi­ca en grado sumo.
Esta tierna hoja, según es noticia, llegó a constituir todo su re­frigerio habitual­. El artista la chupaba cada noche justo an­tes de meterse en la cama; luego se encas­quetaba tranquilamente el som­breo y, tras cerrarse con dos precisas llaves musi­ca­les, se dejaba adormi­lar suave­mente sobre el pentagra­ma, acunán­dose sobre alas de angéli­ca armo­nía, quedan­do así, inmerso en sus sue­ños audi­tivos hasta el siguiente día, saliendo sólo del sombre­ro -aunque sin dejar de res­petar la pudicia- cuan­do la nueva hoja había crecido convenientemente."
Profile Image for Hans Luiten.
241 reviews34 followers
March 12, 2020
Absurdistische verhalen uit het Roemenië uit de jaren voor en na de Eerste Wereldoorlog. Bijzonder hoe modern dat land ook was in die jaren, al blijven de verhalen ook door deze notie net zo onbegrijpelijk
Profile Image for Campo.
8 reviews2 followers
December 21, 2020
and you shall know us by the trail of dead dada forerunners
Profile Image for queso .
95 reviews4 followers
January 25, 2024
Vreau să respir, să mănânc, să beau și să fac duș cu scrierile lui Urmuz.

Omu' meu mă înțelege și îl pup din tot sufletul meu.

Îl voi aștepta pe insulele Majorca și Minorca. pwp
Profile Image for Ion Matei.
5 reviews
December 23, 2024
La prima lectură, cu siguranță cel mai ciudat și diferit lucru pe care l-am citit până acum. Am pornit cu gândul de a încerca să găsesc o anume însemnătate ascunsă im cuvintele alambicate ale poveștilor (dacă măcar le poți numi așa), însă de la a treia (Emil Gayk) am renunțat și m-am cufundat complet în stream of consciousness-ul autorului. "Poveștile" sunt mai degrabă niște tablouri suprarealiste, un fel de blueprint-uri în cuvinte pentru opere ale lui Dali. Ingeniozitatea lui Urmuz constă în descrierile sale fără niciun sens, care provin clar din ceva pur instinctual, lucru cu care rezonez foarte tare în stilul meu de scriere. O să reiau clar unele dintre "poveștile" care mi-au atras atenția (preferata mea e "Pâlnia și Stamate (Roman în patru părți)") în ideea că sunt multe lucruri pe care le-am omis). Nu pot spune că am un termen de comparație, fiind prima mea interactiune literară cu avangardismul. Nu este ceea ce caut personal într-o lectură, însă caracterul lui Urmuz este de-a dreptul fascinant pentru mine. Un adevărat "underdog" al literaturii române.
Profile Image for Socrate.
6,745 reviews268 followers
March 16, 2021
Ismaïl este compus din ochi, favoriți și rochie și se găsește astăzi cu foarte mare greutate.
Înainte vreme creștea și în Grădina Botanică, iar mai târziu, grație progresului științei moderne, s-a reușit să se fabrice unul pe cale chimică, prin syntheză.

Ismaïl nu umblă niciodată singur. Poate fi găsit însă pe la ora 5 ½ dimineața, rătăcind în zig-zag pe strada Arionoaiei, însoțit fiind de un viezure de care se află strâns legat cu un odgon de vapor și pe care în timpul nopții îl mănâncă crud și viu, după ce mai întâi i-a rupt urechile și a stors pe el puțină lămâie... Alți viezuri mai cultivă Ismaïl în o pepinieră situată în fundul unei gropi din Dobrogea, unde îi întreține până au împlinit vârsta de 16 ani și au căpătat forme mai pline, când, la adăpost de orice răspundere penală, îi necinstește rând pe rând și fără pic de mustrare de cuget.
Profile Image for Raluca.
17 reviews
May 17, 2024
O lectură densă și greoaie, în ciuda volumului redus de proză. Urmuz oferă pe o tăbliță ruginită și totuși, poleită, o proză realistă, contingentă de realitățile sale contemporane. Satirizând profund normele sociale, curentele literare (prin crearea unei antifabule - “Cronicari” sau a epopeii - “Fuchsiada”) denotă exclusiv nevoia de spargere de sens în literatura autohtonă, blocată în gheața normalului, a firescului, a realismului clasic și învechit. Meta-avangardismul de care dă dovadă Urmuz în “Pagini bizare” își stabilește ecoul prin limbaj și prin crearea de nume proprii care urmează să denatureze cu gust propria percepție a lumii sale.
Profile Image for Ana.
98 reviews9 followers
June 3, 2025
,,După aceea se sui din nou în corabie. Bătrîna sa soție refuză însă să-l urmeze, roasă fiind de viermele geloziei din cauza legăturilor de inimă ce bănui că el ar fi avut cu o focă.”

,,Algazy este un bătrîn simpatic, știrb, zîmbitor și cu barba rasă și mătăsoasă, frumos așezată pe un grătar înșurupat sub bărbie și împrejmuit cu sîrmă ghimpată…”
Profile Image for Siv.
35 reviews
June 13, 2025
cred ca titlul spune tot ce e de spus
10 reviews1 follower
July 18, 2025
2 ⭐️⭐️ Pâlnia și Stamate
3 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Fuchsiada
Profile Image for Andrei L.
57 reviews
December 13, 2025
Literatură română ADEVĂRATĂ scrisă de un ADEVĂRAT autor. Am citit-o cu pumnul plin de fistic și praf de pușcă.
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