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How to Cook Your Daughter: A Memoir
From the daughter of the bestselling author of Father the poignant and ultimately hopeful memoir of a young girl’s struggle to live a normal childhood in the chaotic seventies, and to overcome sexual abuse by her famous father
Earlier this year, Tony Hendra’s memoir, Father The Man Who Saved My Soul, spent thirteen weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. The book detailed his life as a comedian who launched the careers of John Belushi and Chevy Chase and helped create such cult classics as This Is Spinal Tap, while he struggled with inner demons including alcohol and drug abuse. But there was a glaring omission in his supposed tell-all his sexual abuse of his daughter, Jessica Hendra, when she was a young girl. After more than thirty years of silence, Hendra has decided to reveal the truth. In this poignant memoir, she reveals the full story behind the New York Times article that rocked the world and detailed her father’s crimes. But Jessica’s story is no footnote to her father’s story. No One Was Listening is also the inspiring story of her own journey, and how she was finally able to find healing within, after years of struggling with anorexia, bulimia, and low self-esteem. Set against the backdrop of the chaotic seventies, Hendra’s memoir follows Jessica and her sister Kathy as they strove to make a normal life for themselves amidst the madness, sex, and drug abuse that her parents and their friends―many of the household names in the world of show business―participated in. No One Was Listening reveals the hope and heartache of a young girl who was faced with a loss of innocence at an early age, who faced a slow and painful recovery, and who finally found contentment and peace within.
Earlier this year, Tony Hendra’s memoir, Father The Man Who Saved My Soul, spent thirteen weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. The book detailed his life as a comedian who launched the careers of John Belushi and Chevy Chase and helped create such cult classics as This Is Spinal Tap, while he struggled with inner demons including alcohol and drug abuse. But there was a glaring omission in his supposed tell-all his sexual abuse of his daughter, Jessica Hendra, when she was a young girl. After more than thirty years of silence, Hendra has decided to reveal the truth. In this poignant memoir, she reveals the full story behind the New York Times article that rocked the world and detailed her father’s crimes. But Jessica’s story is no footnote to her father’s story. No One Was Listening is also the inspiring story of her own journey, and how she was finally able to find healing within, after years of struggling with anorexia, bulimia, and low self-esteem. Set against the backdrop of the chaotic seventies, Hendra’s memoir follows Jessica and her sister Kathy as they strove to make a normal life for themselves amidst the madness, sex, and drug abuse that her parents and their friends―many of the household names in the world of show business―participated in. No One Was Listening reveals the hope and heartache of a young girl who was faced with a loss of innocence at an early age, who faced a slow and painful recovery, and who finally found contentment and peace within.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published October 1, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
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October 2, 2016I knew nothing of Jessica Hendra or her famous father. Nor was I a fan of the particular humor found in the Lampoon. I bought this book for two reasons: 1> The cover was fascinating and 2> I was curious about the people in it.
Jessica's recounting of her odd and painful childhood was fascinating. The pacing of this novel was good and I never felt bored or disconnected. Learning about how Jessica survived in a house of madness, how the chaos her father (and her benignly neglectful mother) brought into the home led to her eating disorder was fascinating to me. The question: How can you be in the room with the man who molested you? is answered by Jessica Hendra, that is, she loved him and worshiped him.
The book also serves as an opportunity for Hendra to explain why she made public the accusations that her father molested her as a child after he published his spiritual memoir. In this sense, the book is a bit self-serving. A sort of, "let me explain" type of job that I did not appreciate as much as the stories about her childhood and coming to terms with the abuse she suffered.
Some have described the book as disturbing. Perhaps my work with severely mentally ill adults and emotionally disturbed children has desensitized me to the abuse described in the book. What was shocking was not the honest portrayal of molestation conducted by a father on a daughter, but the manipulative and hateful conduct of a father. His emotional abuse, in my opinion, was far more disturbing.
Hendra's survival and growth, while long underway, is uplifting and provides an opportunity to know that no matter what, we can all make it...somehow.
Jessica's recounting of her odd and painful childhood was fascinating. The pacing of this novel was good and I never felt bored or disconnected. Learning about how Jessica survived in a house of madness, how the chaos her father (and her benignly neglectful mother) brought into the home led to her eating disorder was fascinating to me. The question: How can you be in the room with the man who molested you? is answered by Jessica Hendra, that is, she loved him and worshiped him.
The book also serves as an opportunity for Hendra to explain why she made public the accusations that her father molested her as a child after he published his spiritual memoir. In this sense, the book is a bit self-serving. A sort of, "let me explain" type of job that I did not appreciate as much as the stories about her childhood and coming to terms with the abuse she suffered.
Some have described the book as disturbing. Perhaps my work with severely mentally ill adults and emotionally disturbed children has desensitized me to the abuse described in the book. What was shocking was not the honest portrayal of molestation conducted by a father on a daughter, but the manipulative and hateful conduct of a father. His emotional abuse, in my opinion, was far more disturbing.
Hendra's survival and growth, while long underway, is uplifting and provides an opportunity to know that no matter what, we can all make it...somehow.
January 31, 2021
I haven’t read much in the way of “survivor memoirs” and didn’t know what this book was when I found it in a sale. It’s a compelling story, but the writing can be a little stale. I’m interested in reading more in this genre.
July 5, 2009
It is regrettable that neither Jessica Hendra nor her ghostwriter have much writing gift, because here is a very rich and interesting subject matter that becomes merely passably diverting as a read. It's discomfiting to read about such a horrible, complicated trauma and be so underwhelmed, but Hendra tackles her childhood experience in a monotonous, almost jagged fashion, as if subconsciously she as writing as her 6-year-old self rather than with the sophisticated reflection of an adult. This is supported by the comparative strength of the last quarter, wherein Hendra relates her adult battles with eating disorders and her fight to get the truth out. Her growth and journey do provide backbone for the story, and her accused father, Tony Hendra, is an undeniably fascinating, fucked-up man. The pages of How To Cook Your Daughter light up with his brilliantly hypocritical and clever word-plays and there's the assurance of being treated to them through the skeptical screen of his daughter, rather than being shrewdly manipulated... although one does keep thinking that Tony Hendra's own memoir, if likely fraudulent in its omission of what his daughter here claims, would be a far more artful and entertaining read.
March 2, 2018
Jessica Hendra and Blake Morrison formed a strong team to write this powerful memoir. Despite having grown up in a very different world, I felt connected to Jessica in a warm, even intimate way that made the story more painful, but also more necessary. I've spent a lot of time with predatory men who hid behind their wit, charm, and intelligence (though my father was not one of them), and I can appreciate the extraordinary guts and fortitude it must have taken to go public against such a universally admired man. While I have not experienced abuse on any level approaching what Jessica recounts here, the story she tells is uncomfortably familiar. As she points out near the end of the book, the numbers are higher than they ought to be, and incest, in particular, is shrouded by a silence few are courageous enough to break. I'm glad Jessica Hendra was one of the ones brave enough to break the mould, and I know she will be an inspiration to many daughters besides her own. I wish her continued strength and peace. She has shown staggering amounts of the former, and has certainly earned the latter.
August 1, 2021
PROMPT: Written by a female author
How to Cook Your Daughter by Jessica Hendra.
This is a sad and shattering story of child sexual abuse, more heartbreaking because the abuser is her father. It is true, the trauma of any kind of abuse: mental, emotional, physical and sexual lasts a lifetime. "Victims stay silent because of shame, shame that belongs solely to their abusers. Yet that shame is almost always heaped on the victim.”
And yet, it is the victim for whom redemption and rehabilitation are essential, to move ahead in life. The author acknowledges that there are numerous ways of doing this. When one finds love and acceptance, it is providential justice. In my view, such stories need to be told, and heard. That is why I found the book very confusing. Why did she really write it? Through her personal efforts, the author had found a degree of redemption. She does not say how writing and publishing the book helped in her rehabilitation.
I was really very happy to read about the metamorphosed Jessica. Her co-author Blake Morrison write, "As we worked together, Jessica, my respect and admiration for you only grew. I hope this book allows others to see the woman I have come to know: a fantastic mother, a loving wife, a trusted friend, and a forgiving daughter who values the truth above everything else”
How to Cook Your Daughter by Jessica Hendra.
This is a sad and shattering story of child sexual abuse, more heartbreaking because the abuser is her father. It is true, the trauma of any kind of abuse: mental, emotional, physical and sexual lasts a lifetime. "Victims stay silent because of shame, shame that belongs solely to their abusers. Yet that shame is almost always heaped on the victim.”
And yet, it is the victim for whom redemption and rehabilitation are essential, to move ahead in life. The author acknowledges that there are numerous ways of doing this. When one finds love and acceptance, it is providential justice. In my view, such stories need to be told, and heard. That is why I found the book very confusing. Why did she really write it? Through her personal efforts, the author had found a degree of redemption. She does not say how writing and publishing the book helped in her rehabilitation.
I was really very happy to read about the metamorphosed Jessica. Her co-author Blake Morrison write, "As we worked together, Jessica, my respect and admiration for you only grew. I hope this book allows others to see the woman I have come to know: a fantastic mother, a loving wife, a trusted friend, and a forgiving daughter who values the truth above everything else”
August 10, 2011
This memoir isn't about shock value. It doesn't focus on the specific incidents of sexual abuse, but instead really tries to give a balanced look at all the personalities connected to it and affected by it. And as awful as is it to read about how ultimately self-concerned and remorseless Tony Hendra seems about molesting his daughter, even years later, what really struck me the most is the patchwork of supportive people Jessica found as she grew up. Even if her friends couldn't always do much to change her situation, the book really illustrates how important it can be to find people who don't reject you, not even for what you might consider your worst sins. (Although it's also extremely disheartening that so many people didn't say anything, possibly because they didn't how it would matter. It breaks my heart that that's the assumption we've taught so many people to make.)
April 25, 2010
I Couldnt put this book down until i reached the back cover. One of my favorite memoirs.
November 19, 2019
I admit I picked this up in the library because the title caught my eye.
Illuminating account of surviving with a narcissist family member (in this case, the author's father, Tony Hendra). It seems quite fortunate that the author didn't get into worse trouble in her youth as she explored teenage life on the edge...possibly due to her keen dislike for drugs (a result of seeing the results of rampant drug use/abuse in her parents' circle of friends for many years). Still, psychological wounds ran (and continue to run) deep but we get a view towards hope of more healing.
If this sounds intriguing to you, give it a read.
Illuminating account of surviving with a narcissist family member (in this case, the author's father, Tony Hendra). It seems quite fortunate that the author didn't get into worse trouble in her youth as she explored teenage life on the edge...possibly due to her keen dislike for drugs (a result of seeing the results of rampant drug use/abuse in her parents' circle of friends for many years). Still, psychological wounds ran (and continue to run) deep but we get a view towards hope of more healing.
If this sounds intriguing to you, give it a read.
November 11, 2025
Upsetting and interesting story, unfortunately very poorly written. Grammatical and spelling errors, lots of inconsistencies and the first 150 pages were repetitive and slow.
Survivors deserve to be heard and believed, and Jessica Hendra is entitled to this as much as anyone. I reckon a good 100+ pages could have been cut from this and it would have been much better. Hard to have been so “bored” by such a harrowing (and true) tale.
But!
How vulnerable and brave that she’s told her truth; I hope he’s utterly miserable, if not in jail. An utterly pathetic excuse for a human.
Survivors deserve to be heard and believed, and Jessica Hendra is entitled to this as much as anyone. I reckon a good 100+ pages could have been cut from this and it would have been much better. Hard to have been so “bored” by such a harrowing (and true) tale.
But!
How vulnerable and brave that she’s told her truth; I hope he’s utterly miserable, if not in jail. An utterly pathetic excuse for a human.
January 27, 2020
This book can be hard to read. Any story where the trust of a child is taken advantage of to the extent it is in this book is hard to read. This writing duo does a good job of looking at the consequences of horrendous actions as they cause anyoung girl to spiral.
Walking away from this it really feels that Jessica is too kind, though her conflicted feelings are apparent from the first word to the last.
Walking away from this it really feels that Jessica is too kind, though her conflicted feelings are apparent from the first word to the last.
June 23, 2018
Excellent and compelling read. Beautifully written and it’s about to be rereleased!
January 6, 2025
cw: sexual abuse, incest, drugs, ed. Hendra's autobiography was very gripping and raw. The writing was a bit to follow at times. Nevertheless, a good read.
July 5, 2021
A tough read. On the fringes of fame, Jessica Hendra was a victim of childhood incest. With the strength of a survivor, she talks about the sense of guilt she felt, and her own recovery. The hardest part to read was her continued love for the perpetrator of her abuse. A really hard read.
February 18, 2009
I just finished this book and am left with a feeling of sadness and disgust, as well as admiration for the author.
First things first, I believe her. Not that anyone should have to prove such a thing but the fact that she told someone about the abuse at a relatively young age is fairly damning to Tony Hendra. Most 12 year olds don't invent stories of abuse, especially if they are only confiding in one friend.
Let me back up. This book is a response to Tony Hendra's successful confession of a memoir, 'Father Joe', in which he supposedly confesses to acting horribly his entire life but finding salvation through an old friend who's a priest. He leaves out molesting his 6 year old daughter.
So, Jessica Hendra wrote this book in response, with the help of a journalist. The book is not a masterpiece, although there were some parts that were really nicely crafted. But it did what it was supposed to do: first it convinced me, then it enthralled me (with her stories of her adolescence in the punk period), and finally I was impressed with Jessica Hendra.
She's not perfect. And she might have felt some jealousy that stems from anger that her father (a monster to her) was so well respected and has a talent for writing. But by the end of the book, I did not sense she felt that way anymore. Jessica Hendra has firmly stepped into the 'survivor' category, away from the 'victim' stance. And, in doing so, it seems she has finally broken free of her father's power. Well done.
First things first, I believe her. Not that anyone should have to prove such a thing but the fact that she told someone about the abuse at a relatively young age is fairly damning to Tony Hendra. Most 12 year olds don't invent stories of abuse, especially if they are only confiding in one friend.
Let me back up. This book is a response to Tony Hendra's successful confession of a memoir, 'Father Joe', in which he supposedly confesses to acting horribly his entire life but finding salvation through an old friend who's a priest. He leaves out molesting his 6 year old daughter.
So, Jessica Hendra wrote this book in response, with the help of a journalist. The book is not a masterpiece, although there were some parts that were really nicely crafted. But it did what it was supposed to do: first it convinced me, then it enthralled me (with her stories of her adolescence in the punk period), and finally I was impressed with Jessica Hendra.
She's not perfect. And she might have felt some jealousy that stems from anger that her father (a monster to her) was so well respected and has a talent for writing. But by the end of the book, I did not sense she felt that way anymore. Jessica Hendra has firmly stepped into the 'survivor' category, away from the 'victim' stance. And, in doing so, it seems she has finally broken free of her father's power. Well done.
June 21, 2015
I read this book for a summer reading challenge: read a book with son(s), daughter(s), or child(ren) in the title.
I picked this up for $1 at a used book bin on campus years ago and I'm glad I didn't pay much more. It wasn't a bad book - it just wasn't really all that good either.
It didn't drag. I can give it that. The book kept a decent pace, and I was interested to see how Jessica made out. The style of coming back to present day a few times during the book was interesting, though it didn't necessarily add much in terms of suspense or anything.
I picked it up expecting just another memoir. It pretty much was, aside from celebrity name-dropping, which I really don't care about at all.
Nothing special, nothing aggravating, nothing memorable at all. It was just... fine.
I picked this up for $1 at a used book bin on campus years ago and I'm glad I didn't pay much more. It wasn't a bad book - it just wasn't really all that good either.
It didn't drag. I can give it that. The book kept a decent pace, and I was interested to see how Jessica made out. The style of coming back to present day a few times during the book was interesting, though it didn't necessarily add much in terms of suspense or anything.
I picked it up expecting just another memoir. It pretty much was, aside from celebrity name-dropping, which I really don't care about at all.
Nothing special, nothing aggravating, nothing memorable at all. It was just... fine.
March 11, 2010
This is a beautifully written memoir, I didn't want it to end and I can't stop thinking about it. She writes from the heart without the usual "whining" we tend to see with these type of books. She laid her story out and made me care so much about her that this book just tore me to my soul. Some might think or say that her childhood wasn't that terrible, we've all read worse, but it's obvious that what her father done to her affected her deeply. She's one courageous woman to out her father as she did and for noble reasons, not for revenge but to show her daughters that she is not only strong but a survivor.
Excellent memoir, this is for sure one of my favorites.
Excellent memoir, this is for sure one of my favorites.
August 20, 2008
this is a memoir by a woman calling out her semi-famous dad for sexually abusing her as a kid. i appreciate reading about her relationship with her dad, the complications, the way she loved him, and the toll he took on her body and mind and spirit. i'm proud of her for speaking out, after he published a book that was supposedly a "confessional," but never acknowledged or apologized, publicly or privately, for what he did to her.
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July 31, 2011A woman tries to tell a story of past abuse, how even a few events affected her life. She thinks that her memories and her word is enough, but no, she needs proof, confirmaiton, solid evidence. Of course the perpetrator denies and accuses her of being psychotic. Frustrating, maddening scenario.
The book had some fun parts, like her descriptions of their strange outcast hippy lives, intertwined with National Lampoon.
The book had some fun parts, like her descriptions of their strange outcast hippy lives, intertwined with National Lampoon.
December 10, 2019
A harrowing read - I can only imagine what it took to write this very well written account of a child and teen-hood lost to a monstrous father. Having known sexual abuse as a child, though not at the hands of a relative, as well as a verbally abusive and alcoholic father I recognise Jessica accounts and how life unfolds into adulthood by keeping such secrets. I highly recommend 'How to Cook Your Daughter' to anyone burdened by a dysfunctional childhood. A hugely important memoir.
September 2, 2010
Unfortunately, what could have been a very powerful memoir, turns out to be rather poorly written. I am sympathetic to what the author went through, but overall I was bored by the book. Reading this book I felt like the story itself had a lot of potential, but the writing was amaturish and the plot lagged.
January 14, 2011
I wasn't going to recommend this memoir by Tony Hendra's daughter -- a harsh story of being molested by her father, till I read the last two chapters. I was blown away by the power of her story, juxtaposition with Tony's famous essay "How to Cook Your Daughter" from Mad Magazine. If only the rest of the book had been so strong...
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August 9, 2011i pretty much got tired of it but was obligated to finish bec. i believed it needs to be heard but in the end i resolved that this book is just an a ok book but well meaning but not much less than a memoir of past abuse and exploits of a child/teen goin' about the so called " hippie era" of drugs and vulgarity and fame... but still a good book but 2 stars for me...
January 30, 2008
This book is another testament to the strength of women. What this woman's dad does to her is DEPLORABLE...but somehow, she comes out ok in the end!
her book makde me want to go out and read her father's auto biography.
her book makde me want to go out and read her father's auto biography.
May 30, 2008
Hard to read as far as topic---not actual reading level. Her famous father molested her. Interesting coming of age and how she dealt with everything and how she finally delt with her father by writing this book. Cool old photos as well.
July 21, 2008
I tried to read this, but I just couldn't get past the first chapter. Maybe her writing style just doesn't appeal to me but there was nothing in the part that I read that made me want to make any sort of effort to get through the rest of the book.
December 27, 2010
Every time one of our religiously devoted patrons checks out Father Joe, I wish I could hand them a copy of this book as well. Unfortunately, the beloved comedian Tony Hendra was a monster behind the scenes.
January 16, 2013
For someone with such an eventful life, she managed to write an excruciatingly boring book. Honestly I only read it because I saw an uncorrected proof at the Strand years ago and the title stuck in my head. Turns out I wasn't missing out. The cover is the best thing about this book.
January 3, 2013
Loved this book. I kept forgetting it was a auto-biography. It is so surreal. The author is incredibly talented. Her method of revelation is beautifully intertwined with her past, her healing, and her survival.
March 29, 2017
It's unsettling and so honest it hurts being able to understand what love can allow people to tolerate, forgive, and not question even when we know it's wrong. This is the first memoir I've ever read and the narration is crucial to learning from Jessica first-hand her experiences.
March 2, 2007
This book is a bit disturbing. If you ever have had a love for Monty Python, it's just downright shocking.
Over all though, a good read, some great stories of the monty python/original snl crews.
Over all though, a good read, some great stories of the monty python/original snl crews.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews