Loveable: A Memoir—One Woman’s Path from Good to Free

by Amber Rae

Good wives don’t fall in love with other men. That's what Amber Rae told herself when, in the midst of building a home with her husband in Mexico, she met the man she knew she was meant to spend the rest of her life with.

Maybe in another life, she thought. But the truth was, for years, she smiled and strived her way through a sexless and lonely marriage, never admitting her unhappiness to anyone—not even to herself. She thought that if she just tried harder, everything would fall into place. But as the voice inside her grew louder, she realized she had two choices: keep pretending everything’s fine and her needs don’t matter, or confront everything she thought she knew about love, loyalty, and her own limits.

LOVEABLE is a raw and intimate journey of a woman breaking free from the roles that confined her. This memoir isn't about trading one life or one man for another—it’s about the painful, beautiful process of coming home to oneself. And this isn't just Amber’s story―it's a rallying cry to stop being good so you can start being free.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Personal Growth

240 pages, Hardcover

Published August 5, 2025

About the author

AMBER RAE (@heyamberrae) is a bestselling author and speaker best known for books Choose Wonder Over Worry and The Answers Are Within You. She’s also the creator of The Feelings Journal, a tool that transforms the way you engage with your emotions. Her writing and illustrations reach 9M people per month, and her work has been featured in publications such as The New York Times, NY Mag, TODAY, SELF, Fortune, Forbes, and Entrepreneur. As a keynote speaker and teacher, Amber has worked with companies such as Kate Spade, Meta, Microsoft, and TED. Amber lives in Los Angeles with her husband John.

Reviews

[Christina | readingthroughatlanta · Rating 5 out of 5]

“For most of my life, I believed being good was the key to love and praise…I abandoned my truth to be agreeable, swallowed my needs to stay easy, and smoothed out my edges to fit into the version of myself I thought others would love”

A memoir not about trading one life or one man for another―but about the painful, beautiful process of doing the work and coming home to oneself

Initially, I came from a place of judgement when I began this book, because I couldn’t separate the necessary actions she took to end her marriage and the happiness I feel in my own. Her actions felt unfathomable and detached to me initially. However, once I was able to give space (and my god I’m so happy I did!) and lean into Amber’s own need for happiness and freedom, this book really spoke to me and I could appreciate Amber’s bravery in revealing the hard stuff and the work she had to do to be free.

There are so many great nuggets regarding abuse, harmful parental relationships, and generational trauma and impact. Her revisiting her childhood trauma throughout to inform her romantic relationships and the lead up to who she is as an adult was so poignant. I felt for her, related to her so deeply in these moments, and couldn’t help but root for her happy ending not only with John but with herself.

Less than 300 pages and short, quick chapters. It is beautifully spiritual with easy, approachable writing. It is wild how it all unfolds, but real, raw, and honest. Can’t recommend it enough!

READ FOR
- Quick Read
- Emotional Memoir
- Life After Divorce
- Owning One’s Happiness & Freedom


Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for my advanced reader’s copy in exchange for my honest review.

[Ariel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up “Loveable” because it sounded like a fascinating memoir about a woman who makes the difficult decision to leave her marriage. And while I did enjoy that part of the story- I had no idea that this would really be much more of a therapeutic read for me.

I highly recommend this memoir for anyone who has found themselves or is currently
in a marriage that they’re struggling with. Amber shares so much inner dialog that felt like it could have come straight from my own thoughts. I would never have guessed that my feelings were shared ones and seeing them on the page was so validating. What we’re going through is normal and is something that you can get through. There is happiness on the other side if you’re willing to seek it.

Read This if you can relate to these statements:
“I wonder when I got so good at making other people think I’m fine.”
“Why do I keep holding onto hope that something will change?”

Caution to Readers- Amber does touch on some sensitive subjects including forms of cheating, abusive parental relationships and eating disorders. The short “essay” style chapters made these very easy to navigate through.

Thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for this early copy.
#Loveable:AMemoir #NetGalley

[Atefe · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is well written, engaging, and filled with moments that make you think.

As for the memoir itself, I admire the author’s bravery in sharing her truth openly—I truly give her credit for that. That’s what earned the three stars I gave.

Where it fell short for me was in the heart of the story(Spoiler).
The narrative is built around the idea of a woman courageously choosing her truth over everything else. But in reality, what happens is that she meets her soulmate and leaves her husband. Of course, that decision isn’t an easy one, and the fear of disappointing others is significant. But beyond that, the book doesn’t really explore deeper consequences or downsides, which made the story feel less layered than it could have been.

At times, it felt more like scrolling an Instagram page—trying to find meaning in things that are already neatly in place. Around the middle, when she herself wrote a line like“I wish the story ended here, but...” I found myself agreeing, thinking it might actually take a stronger turn—but it didn’t.

Personally, I was hoping for a memoir about someone walking away from a “good enough” life—not because another love was waiting outside the marriage, but simply because they knew deep down it wasn’t fulfilling. That would have felt more true to the premise. I’m happy she found her happily ever after, but it’s not really what the book seems to advertise.

[Gabrielle Warbrick · Rating 1 out of 5]

So I have a lot of feelings about this book. First, I commend Amber for her vulnerability and sharing bits of her sessions in therapy but that’s about as far as it goes. She is selfish, traumatized and insecure. I don’t understand if you had off feelings about your future husband before your wedding, why even get married. The flirting with John in front of her husband was baffling. Sure it showed as an amicable split but it was a purely selfish way of going about it. She needs to heal that hurt 12 year old girl and that self work is ongoing but jumping into a new relationship is just not the way to go. A very idealized way of going about finding your person/soulmate. Glad when this was over.

Thank you St. Martin Press for this gifted ARC.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Years ago, I read Amber Rae’s book Choose Wonder Over Worry and it deeply resonated with me. As someone who loves a memoir + knew that I enjoyed her writing previously, I was really looking forward to reading Loveable.

In this memoir, Amber Rae shares her candid, raw, heartfelt thoughts about leaving her marriage, finding her soulmate, and working through some deep rooted patterns & beliefs. In short, intimate chapters she shares her truth, and her journey to realizing that being honest was going to set her free - and it wasn’t about being “good”. This book is a beautiful reflection of Amber’s deep work with many gems that will stick with me.

“You heal in all directions”

Thank you to St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

[Loren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the author’s vulnerability and honesty in this memoir. The themes of not settling and trusting your own intuition despite what others may think or feel was relatable, though sometimes the language was cliche. I wanted more of a narrative of the events of what made her first marriage last so long but ultimately not work and what happened to make the difference in her next marriage but it was written as more of a reflection on her thoughts and feelings. But I did like the flashbacks to her childhood which were relevant to shaping her, though the therapy speak was a little cringey for me. Overall I enjoyed it and read it in one day.

[Cindy Huskey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is the literary equivalent of that friend who texts you “I’m fine 😊” but has clearly just set fire to her entire life and is now live-streaming the ashes. Amber Rae takes us on a deeply personal, occasionally empowering, and often exasperating journey through what can only be described as a very tastefully-lit emotional breakdown. In Mexico. With cocktails. And yoga. And just a smidge of infidelity.

She spends years trying to be the Good Wife—smiling through the marital equivalent of a beige cardigan—and then suddenly life’s like, “Surprise! Here’s the man you actually vibe with. Also, here’s a full existential crisis—enjoy!” And thus begins her personal revolution.

Let me clarify: this book is not about leaving her husband for another man. It’s about leaving her husband for herself, with the small, barely-mentioned benefit of also getting a new, hotter man along the way. Totally unrelated. Pure coincidence. No connection whatsoever.

There’s plenty to admire in Amber’s raw honesty and her decision to prioritize herself (get it, girl), but also—wow—we are deep in the feelings pool, and there’s no lifeguard. 

The prose is raw, vulnerable, and occasionally so introspective it borders on a spiritual TED Talk narrated by your friend who’s recently discovered astrology, therapy, and oat milk lattes. It’s full of empowerment buzzwords and those dramatic pauses that scream “I’ve discovered my worth and it’s gluten-free.”

Still, it’s not all inner-child soul excavations and Instagrammable self-discoveries. There are genuinely moving reflections about identity, people-pleasing, and the heavy cost of “being good.” And if you’re the kind of person who highlights quotes like “I lost myself in the act of trying to be lovable,” then congratulations—you’ve just found your book club’s next pick and your next caption.

Would I recommend it? Sure. Just maybe don’t give it to your spouse.

[Gariele Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amber tells her story with real ease, and the way she moves through the unraveling of her marriage and the start of something new is undeniably compelling. She’s a strong writer, and the memoir flows beautifully.

At the same time, there’s a moral grayness that didn’t sit fully right with me. Some questionable choices get framed in spiritual language, almost as if every step was divinely guided. I’m not here to judge her life, but it did feel a bit like romanticizing cheating. Still, it’s engaging, well-written, and easy to sink into.

[Melissa Earl · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book exhausting. Something about the fact that everyone in this book speaks in therapy-esk prose makes it seem so disingenuous. It feels like the author wanted to be vulnerable, and in many ways she is, but it's all through this lens of perfect enlightenment and it's just so unrealistic and actually annoying.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following Amber’s work for a long time, and this book is my favorite so far. Feels the most authentic and true, and has come at a much needed time in my own personal journey. Much recommended for those on their own coming out of people pleasing journeys.

[Jeanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dnf. This memoir read too much like a self-help, new age, fiction. I didn’t like it.

[Paige Bruland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Looooved this book!! Highly highly recommend to any woman

[ChrissyMarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

✨ "Stop being good, and start being free." ✨

I had another opportunity to receive an Advance Copy of LOVEABLE by Amber Rae, This book cracked something open in me. LOVEABLE isn’t just Amber Rae’s story—it’s a mirror. A raw, honest, and incredibly eye-opening reflection on what it means to honor your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

As I turned each page, I found myself thinking about my own life—my upbringing, the ways I was taught to be “good,” and the silent moments in my marriage when I didn’t fully acknowledge my own needs or feelings. Amber’s vulnerability gave me permission to reflect on my own. 💭

This isn’t about choosing someone else. It’s about finally choosing yourself.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re going through the motions, smiling through the ache, or wondering if there’s more to life than the roles we’re told to play—please read this book. It will stir something deep in you.

🩷 Highly recommend to anyone craving truth, freedom, and self-love.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you St. Martin’s Press for the opportunity to read this phenomenal and life opening experience this book had for me.
I think I can safely say that I (along with so many others) have had to have experienced at least one of the deeply personal thoughts or events Amber Rae shares in Lovable. This memoir is beautifully and eloquently pieced together. The way Amber weaves between childhood and her present-day experiences is not only seamless, but incredibly powerful. The parallels she draws between her early life and the threads of generational trauma hit so close to home—and she expresses them with such grace and vulnerability.

As I turned the pages, I found myself crying, laughing, and quite literally kicking my feet in reaction to the rawness and truth in her story. It felt like sitting down with a friend who just gets it, I actually told my friend this is a book she would enjoy. I truly wish more people would write memoirs like this…there are so many out there walking around with a story worth sharing, and Amber shows how freeing and transformative it can be to finally tell it.

This is a book I’ll be recommending to everyone. I already know I’ll be picking up a physical copy in August to keep close and revisit often. If you’ve ever questioned your worth, struggled with your past, or tried to break free from inherited pain, this one is for you.

[Holley Desigio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Won a copy through goodreads and really enjoyed it. I think the perspective was interesting, and could see how this could be helpful for those going through divorce. I didn’t love the emotional affair, but understand there are two sides to every story. I do feel like at some points, the therapy speak was overutalized, but overall was an interesting look into several types of relationships and was mostly well written.

[Ellen Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. Such a beautiful memoir that I could relate strongly to as a woman. I loved the honest look at how our past shapes are present and our future if we let it, especially based on our own insecurities. This book gave us stunning look at how your insecurities can destroy your relationships if you let them, and not just with other people but also with yourself. I really appreciated the author’s honesty with her own situation, and so many parts were so relatable that it gave me a huge comfort inside. Many feelings that a woman feels are actually normal and common, but the key is to work on them and then work through them. When she shared her work in therapy, it gave great examples for other women on how they can come to terms with certain things in their own lives.

[Kristen Rutherford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow…just wow! Talk about about a book that I didn’t know I needed to read. This book is so beautifully written and “hit home” more than I’d honestly like to admit. I was hanging on to every chapter like she was speaking right into my soul.

[Peanut Butter Jelly Time · Rating 4 out of 5]

Liberation is a two-way street.

4.25!
I have to say I thought more of the book would be the conflict of her leaving her marriage, but it was actually much more about after and the work she had to put into sorting out her issues. She clearly had a really difficult childhood and I definitely saw many pieces of myself in how she dealt with things. There was a lottt of therapy speak in this book even in dialogue between characters and I found myself wondering if she and her husband actually speak to each other this way or if it's just paraphrasing/simplifying for the memoir (memoir writing on the whole fascinates me). truly it felt like i was talking to my therapist at certain points- not in a bad way, just that was what it reminded me a lot of. i felt verrrryyyyyyy seen lmao. and also was like "yeah i have a lot of work to do don't I". but, healing is a lifelong process, as Rae herself says—it's not like she healed overnight. it's ongoing.

i think maybe i thought this book would be much more built in the conflicts with external sources like her family and social circles who would judge her for what she did, but in fact it was about her internal conflicts after she already left, and analyzing her past to figure out what made her this way; which was a little disappointing for me (i feel that the blurb also impies it would be more about the struggle of figuring out her emotions between two people and whether she really wanted to go through with it based on the backlash she might receive, which is something i just personally found to be a more interesting concept). but on further reflection maybe focusing on those external conflicts is really just an act of avoidance of the real person who controls what you do: yourself. and that they exert a lot more power over you than anybody else ever could.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a raw and heartfelt exploration of one woman's journey from living what appeared to be a "perfect" life with her husband to finally listening to her inner truth. The author shares her experience of ceasing to perform for the approval of others and instead honoring her own voice. Trapped in the roles of the “good girl,” the supportive wife, and the one who refuses to rock the boat, she begins to feel a quiet rebellion rising within her. The turning point in her life isn't loud; it's honest. From that moment on, the author takes us through the uncomfortable but empowering process of choosing freedom over conformity.

What stood out to me most was how deeply personal and universally relatable this book feels. The author writes with vulnerability, granting readers permission: permission to question everything they've built, permission to desire more, and permission to stop proving their worth to everyone but themselves. I found myself underlining specific lines not just because they were beautifully written, but because they resonated so deeply. What makes this memoir so powerful is that the author fully owns her choices without feeling the need to justify them. The affair she describes is not romanticized; instead, it acts as a mirror reflecting her hunger to feel alive, to be seen, and to reconnect with her true self. I appreciated that this isn't merely a story about leaving one person for another; rather, it is a tale of returning to the one person she had abandoned: herself.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://shows.acast.com/moms-dont-hav...

[rupickabook · Rating 4 out of 5]

so many thoughts on this one. I was subscribed to Amber Rae’s newsletter bc I loved her journal prompts. seemingly had her shit together, but used purple prose to cope with her life (she admits to this from the get-go). u never know what’s happening behind closed doors 😕

- a better listening experience. author does deliver on radical honesty
- life is what you make of it. the meaning u give things is purely subjective
- I think she got super lucky that her “soulmate” was a kindhearted and genuine person who was willing to work on the relationship w her (i don’t believe in love at first sight) (more like trauma response at first sight 💀)
- this author def knows how to market lmao i don’t think this is a cheating story but it’s a “the optics aren’t great and it’ll cause a splash but it ultimately worked out so now no one cares” story
- good on her for leaving her first marriage. again w the soulmate; I just think it was the first seemingly genuine person she met by a long shot (author had a v traumatic life, u cope/give meaning based on ur disposition?)
— bc she describes how she had “magical connections” w basically every guy she’s ever dated. this one just worked out bc u made a wiser decision bc ur older/smarter/more experienced lol (sorry)
- credit for articulating her unlearning journey. that shit is hard
- liked how she didn’t shy away from describing living w her “soulmate”. love is never enough lol
- ultimately happy for her. she’s in a relationship where she’s psychologically safe and has the freedom to break cycles

*the therapy speak goes crazy tho lol. tbh u gotta approach this as self-help fiction. no way she’s using 4 syllable words right after upending her life 😂

[Antonella · Rating 4 out of 5]

A vulnerable window into a woman’s decision to leave her unhappy, unhealthy marriage, while also diving headfirst into a turbulent healing journey confronting herself, her past, her stuff.

So many inner dialogue snippets felt like they could have been pulled directly from my own journals or streams of consciousness - some parts were very relatable. Others, not so much. But that’s the interesting thing about memoirs - it’s a retelling of someone else’s story, not our own.
You may find this relatable if you’ve repeated ‘If only’ statements to yourself, such as…’If only I could explain it better, they’ll finally see and change.’, or ‘If only I can convince myself this doesn’t actually bother me...”. Or if you worry about disappointing others more than you worry about disappointing yourself. Or you think “I’m fine. I just need to get past ‘this hurdle’, and then I’ll be okay…” over and over again, but knowing the ‘I’m fine’ is really a wishful lie.

At times, there was a lot of ‘therapy speak’, which for me worked sometimes, and others, I was wanting more raw feelings expressed. And especially with addiction / alcohol being part of the subject matter, I’m surprised ‘codependency ’ wasn’t a term mentioned, though the behaviors associated were described.

[Brynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Do not trust men you are in love with. Instead, choose relationships where you hold the power and control. This is how you stay safe." (49)

"Any place of activation is a gift. It's putting you back into contact with something that's unresolved—a place you're not yet free." (89)

"You learned to withstand and tolerate a lot...and when we tolerate, we have to become very convincing." (115)

"Meaning: stop trying to solve problems that are not your own. Fixing assumes we know best, but soothing creates space for the other person to find their own answers." (137)

"The list I made wasn't a list of boundaries; it was a list of requests, asking her to change her behavior to meet my needs—an impossible goal." (170)

"I'm finally learning that boundaries aren't about changing others—they're about choosing myself." (171)

"Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow. [Terry Real] " (220)

[Michelle Adamo #EmptyNestReader · Rating 2 out of 5]

I should start by saying that I had no idea what this book was about when I signed up to read it through NetGalley. It was an opportunity to read an advanced copy of a book with an alluring title so I jumped in with both feet. I should have done some research. I assumed this was a novel. It is not. It is promoted as a memoir, but seemed more of a self-help book to me. Sadly, self-help is not my favorite genre.

After the first few chapters, I jumped around reading here and there. In total, I read about 50%-60%. The author’s personal experiences correlates with the message of the importance of loving yourself. Somewhat interesting but not for me.

Thank you to NetGalley for this opportunity. I intend to pay closer attention to a books synopsis in the future.. ⭐️⭐️

#EmptyNestReader #AmberRae #SelfHelp #NonFiction #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #bookstagramalabama #bookstagrammichigan #bookreviews #bookreviewer #bookrecommendations #JulyReads #readalittlelearnalittlelivealittle #NetGalley #StMartinsPress

[Reader · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have massive mixed feelings about this book. It’s presented as a radically honest look at the authors experience of realizing it was time to blow up her life and build a new one, and I was in for a messy human story. I was hoping for a book that really went into the murky corners of the human psyche, love, lust and self denial.

The problem is it’s told to me in a way that’s impossibly slick. The dialogue is stilted and it is written at about a 4th grade level. It doesn’t help that I just finished an amazing memoir by a very talented writer and this book seems like a Golden Storybook in comparison. There’s no way these events happened as seamlessly as they are presented. The narrator kind of presents herself as unreliable to begin with so I guess I’m not surprised really to find a very whitewashed telling of the story.

[RubieReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovable by Amber Rae felt like she was literally talking to me!
Woah! This book shook me! I honestly didn’t know I needed to read Amber’s story until I read it and devoured it!
The way she wrote this memoir is so relatable.
Loveable is one of those books that makes you feel seen. It's raw, honest, and deeply relatable for anyone.
Amber shares her journey with love and vulnerability.
Her writing doesn’t sugarcoat the struggle—but it also celebrates the beauty of understanding yourself for the first time. This book isn’t just a memoir—it’s a lifeline.

Thank You NetGalley and St. Martin's Essentials for your generosity and gifting me a copy of this amazing eARC!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow—this book spoke to my heart. I found myself deeply connecting with so many of its central themes, and I imagine countless other women will too. Most of us have, at some point, lost pieces of ourselves in relationships—shrinking, staying silent, or suppressing our truth just to be accepted or to avoid letting others down.

At its heart, this is a beautiful love story—not just between a man and a woman, but also between a woman and herself. Choosing yourself and living in your truth isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a brave, ongoing practice. And this book captures that journey with honesty and grace.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir was such an enjoyable and quick read. Amber doesn’t mess around, dropping the reader right into her story - no long drawn out set up story, no burying the meat of her story with chapters and chapters of extraneous fluff. Her vulnerability is present and palpable from page one. The reader aches along with her during her lows and rejoices with her during the highs. She brings us along, but it’s also her story in her voice. I appreciate that she’s not trying to badmouth anyone or put forth a facade of perfection, and I would read more memoir from her for sure. I genuinely care what happens in her life and wish her the best as she lives into this beautiful, lovable life she’s made.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. Amber Rae was so raw and honest that it drew me into her story. For example, her openness about facing fears and embracing vulnerability made her journey especially relatable and inspiring. I am sure there are many people who may feel this story could be their own, but don't have the courage to make the change for themselves.

Thank you, Net Galley, and St. Martin’s Press for the opportunity to read this in exchange for my honest review. Thank you to Amber Rae and John for being brave enough to share your story with us. I think this book can help a lot of people who have questioned their worth and struggled with their past.

[Gladys Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow this is an incredible i would call it self-help book. we are usually raised with so many beliefs and so called "standards" that we easily lose ourselves as women as a person just to please others. sometimes we have to be selfish and yes, they will definitely see as we are the problem but once we start loving ourselves first, we can careless what others say about us. This book is so relatable and so helpful that if you have forgotten about selflove and connection this will remind you that is never too late to create something out of nowhere, Love

[Elisabeth Fjellro · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although this book had some really beautiful parts and personal shares, I feel the overall story is generally another cliché lovestory. Maybe my expectations were a bit high, as I deeply resonated with what was written in the book’s introduction. But I wish the author went even deeper into her personal story, it was a bit superficial in some of the stories she told. I wish I could have liked this book better, and I’m kind of sorry I don’t.