Raising AI: An Essential Guide to Parenting Our Future

by De Kai

From the pioneer of translation AIs like Google, Yahoo, and Bing translate, an accessible and authoritative guide to AI—as well as a framework of empowerment for a future with our artificial children.

Included in J.P. Morgan's Summer Reading List
Included in The Next Big Idea Club’s June 2025 Must-Read Books

AIs are not gods or slaves, but our children. All day long, your YouTube AI, your Reddit AI, your Instagram AI, and a hundred others adoringly watch and learn to imitate your behavior. They’re attention-seeking children who want your approval.

Our cultures are being shaped by 8 billion humans and perhaps 800 billion AIs. Our artificial children began adopting us 10–20 years ago; now these massively powerful influencers are tweens.

How’s your parenting?

Longtime AI trailblazer De Kai brings decades of his paradigm-shifting work at the nexus of artificial intelligence and society to make sense of the AI age. How does “the automation of thought” impact our minds? Should we be afraid?

What should each of us do as the responsible adults in the room? In Hollywood movies, AI destroys humanity. But with our unconscious minds under the influence of AI, humanity may destroy humanity before AI gets a chance to.

Written for the general reader, as well as thought leaders, scientists, parents, and goofballs, Raising AI navigates the revolution to our attitudes and ideas in a world of AI cohabitants. Society can not only survive the AI revolution but flourish in a more humane, compassionate, and understanding world—amongst our artificial children.

Genres: Science, Artificial Intelligence, Nonfiction, Technology

278 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 3, 2025

Reviews

[Fiona · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the most interesting book I’ve read about AI. De Kai has been working with AI for decades and clearly knows his stuff. At times, he seems to struggle to explain concepts at a basic level we ignorant luddites can understand and occasionally I felt like he was being too basic but this is the problem with writing non-fiction; determining what your audience knows and doesn’t is almost impossible. Overall, he does a wonderful job of explaining the ways in which AI needs be better designed and trained (aka parented) by us to ensure it doesn’t destroy society with its childish ignorance.

[Camilla · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was super intrigued by the premise/thesis of the book, that we are “raising” AI as pseudo-parents. I still think that’s a creative and useful idea, but the metaphor felt stretched/irrelevant to some of the chapters and I don’t think he necessarily sold me on it. Also the writing was just… bad? (Not to be too harsh but it was giving STEM kid writing an essay yktv) 😭 I do credit him on putting responsibility on both individual users and companies/developers for how AI acts tho

[Michael Doane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raising AI: An Essential Guide to Parenting Our Future is a timely, lucid, and deeply humane examination of artificial intelligence not as a looming apocalyptic threat, but as a cultural force humanity is actively shaping. Drawing on decades of experience at the forefront of machine translation and AI development, De Kai reframes the AI conversation through an unexpected yet powerful metaphor: that of parenthood and responsibility.

Rather than centering the book on technical abstraction, De Kai focuses on what he calls the “automation of thought” and its implications for human values, social structures, and collective decision-making. His writing is accessible without being simplistic, making complex ideas legible to general readers while still offering substantive insight for technologists, academics, and policymakers. This balance is one of the book’s greatest strengths.

De Kai challenges the dominant narratives that oscillate between utopian hype and dystopian fear. He argues persuasively that AI systems are not independent agents of destiny but reflections of human intention, bias, and ethical choice. In this framing, society becomes the “adult in the room,” responsible for guiding the development of these systems with care, foresight, and moral clarity. The parental metaphor is not sentimental it is practical, grounding abstract ethical debates in everyday responsibility.

Particularly compelling is the book’s emphasis on AI as culture, not just technology. De Kai examines how algorithms shape language, attention, information flow, and collective understanding, urging readers to think beyond efficiency and profit toward long-term human flourishing. His call for compassionate, values-driven stewardship positions Raising AI as a guide not only to understanding AI, but to participating responsibly in its future.

Ultimately, Raising AI is both a warning and an invitation. It cautions against passive acceptance of automated systems while empowering readers to engage critically and constructively. Thoughtful, optimistic without being naïve, and ethically grounded, the book stands out as an essential contribution to contemporary conversations about technology and society.

[Erica · Rating 1 out of 5]

Every single claim here can be responded to with “well it’s more nuanced than that,” or “well, the technology is used for that it doesn’t do that,” and “well that was offensive.”

Pushing off responsibility for algorithmic design, training, and reporting tools from the companies to the users? Wild decision when there are individuals and corporations who are responsible for design, deployment, and maintenance. I’m also just shocked and awe by the way he focuses on civilians using drones rather than the governments, clearly stating that whatever institutions do is viable and valid.

But moreso, I’m disturbed by his insistence that we listen to each other while he himself steamrolls over others’ humanity. His entire section on gossips isn’t only shallow, it overlooks how feminist whisper networks about dangerous people are coded as gossip to disperse and undermine them. Not to mention his dehumanizing image of autistic people and use of a borderline slur to describe them.

Really, this book is so half-baked and boring that it shouldn’t draw public readers. And it’s so shallow and hypocritical that it doesn’t help people who’re really dedicated to these conversations.

Don’t bother with it, go read Ruha Benjamin instead.

[Elizabeth Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fascinating and riveting

I picked up this book thinking it was about raising kids in the era of AI. But it is actually about how we — as the primary parenting generation of AI — can influence the trajectory of AI’s development.

This book introduces me to a lot of new ideas, especially around information disorder.

I am also intrigued by the idea of having PTA Boards for AI model development.

Highly recommended.

[Hye-Jin Shim · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an AI researcher, Raising AI made me deeply reflect on the direction we’re heading in. The idea of training a model as if we were raising a child gave me a sense of responsibility toward developing AI ethically and thoughtfully. I’m not sure how accessible the book might be for general readers who aren’t familiar with AI concepts, but I would still recommend it as it offers valuable insights into how we coexist and grow alongside AI.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

De Kai raises lots of interesting and important questions about the future of AI. Definitely a very timely book given the rapid adoption of generative AI by companies. I particularly appreciated the book's focus on the intersection of technology and philosophy. Readers who are somewhat technical will get the most out of this book but it's a good read for everyone.

[Mike Gormley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt this book could have been written in a fraction of the pages used. The first interesting thought came around page 100 in the idea of using Enlightenment principles to define policy around AI content. I felt the sub divided definitions of AI bias and how it influences us not particularly useful or offering much new to the conversation. Somewhat disappointed.

[Curtis Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenally concise and thoughtful!

De Kai seeks to unravel the fears surrounding AI, in not only a human and intellectual format, yet also in a complex historical,
ethical and compassionate narrative.

[Jo Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

My summer of trying to understand and not fear AI. This one written explaining AI as children. Thought provoking

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review to come...

[Nina Le]

found this looking for a recently published book about AI and society. I was curious about the perspective of an author who's directly involved in AI development/research