Self-Obsession: How our need for identity threatens our wellbeing

by Tom Davies

Doctor, writer and mental health advocate Tom Davies breaks down the true problem at the heart of our psychological pain and the growing mental health pandemic, providing effective solutions that anyone can practice to live a more fulfilled and happy life.

There is one point that contemporary psychology and centuries old Eastern Buddhist and Taoist teachings agree if you wish to experience less suffering, you must change the way you see yourself. But what if the change that is needed is to let go of our selves entirely? What does this mean for those of us living in an increasingly self-obsessed and individualistic society? Is our quest for identity actually sabotaging our own wellbeing?

In this compassionate and galvanizing book, Dr Tom Davies gently invites you to consider the basic elements that define who you are.

In Part One, get to know your self. From the ground up, discover what the self truly is, how it links to identity, and how self-obsession is central to the human condition and the psychological pain that each of us experience.In Part Two, overcome self-obsession. Free yourself from your psychological prison, and learn how to live the peaceful and joyful life that you deserve.
With a fresh and lucid style, Dr Tom Davies combines his knowledge of the medical, psychological and the philosophical to bring you real solutions to life’s most challenging problems. Whether you are searching for meaning, or are struggling with stress, anxiety, grief or depression, this perspective will provide you with an empowering new insight that can help you transform your life.

Genres: Psychology

184 pages, Paperback

Published May 27, 2025

Reviews

[Jillian B · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author of this book blends psychological concepts with Buddhist and Taoist principles to form a theory that de-centring the self is the key to mental health. I really liked the step-by-step exercises in this book, and I appreciate that the author advocates for medication and professional therapy when it’s needed. I do bristle a bit at the idea that any one concept is at the heart of all mental health problems, because mental health is so personal, and two people suffering from the same mental illness may benefit from very different therapeutic approaches. Still, I think if you approach this book from a perspective of taking what you need from it and disregarding the parts that don’t resonate, this can be an effective tool in your self-help arsenal.

[Mik · Rating 2 out of 5]

This wasn’t my favorite “self help” book. The whole book focuses and relies heavily on Buddhist teaching and philosophy. Not that is a bad thing, but it can be difficult for some people to fully understand the concepts since they are so profound and force you to dismantle preconceived notions. For me, it was hard to get anything out of the book. I understand that self obsession is toxic and we should separate our person from our mind, but the points the author made became lost to me.

I listened to this on Audible and the voice (no offense) was monotonous making it extra hard to pay attention and let concepts soak in.

Anyway, I liked the overall idea of the book, the execution just missed. I need more details, more comparisons, especially with concepts that are going against everything we are taught.

I guess this could be a good intro book for those looking to learn more about enlightenment.

[Sidonie Satchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book packs a punch. I recently went to a book club/ hike with the author where we, as a group, explored the themes throughout the book during the hike. Although I’d come to similar conclusions previously it details the topic of “self obsession” in a thoughtful way with (my favourite) graphs/ diagrams.

The title may at first seem misleading - we are all obsessed with our identity and self. This book explores what aspects make up our “self”, what can happen when the real “self” is not matching up to our ideal self and practical ways to become less obsessed with ourselves! It nods to eastern techniques without repackaging it.

It made me think and I have spoken about the ideas with friends since - that’s what makes a good book, right?

[Lucy Little · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really makes you think. It's not about trying to change who you are, but about seeing things differently—challenging the beliefs that we hold that shape and define us. It’s a great read for anyone dealing with mental health issues, but also for anyone needing to bridge the gap between who feel they are and the person they think they “should” be.

[Sarah Dolamore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic read! Personal, relatable and a fascinating integration of western and eastern thought. Highly recommended.