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The Big We
Drawing from the experiences of real-life giving circles, influential philanthropist Hali Lee challenges our traditional understanding of philanthropy and makes her case for the power of giving and the radically simple idea that when we work together, we have the power to make the world a better place.
When you think of philanthropy, what do you envision? Uber wealthy donors? Extravagant galas? In recent decades, philanthropy has come to be seen as something exclusive to those with an abundance of resources. But giving doesn’t have to mean donating millions of dollars. It can be as simple as a group of people who come together to make an impact on their community. In The Big We, Hali Lee argues that the future of philanthropy belongs to community action, specifically giving circles—a group of people who come together to pool their resources to do something good in their community. Born of traditions of generosity rooted in many of our ancestral cultures, giving circles provide a way for us to overcome our sense of overwhelm at the many problems we face.
Through stories of real giving circles around the country, including her own experience starting the Asian Women Giving Circle, Lee shows us a more expansive vision for the future of philanthropy. One led by people who are refocusing on community, who care about rebuilding the civic space, and who are yearning for connection, purpose, and shared vision. Through these giving circles do we see not only the immense impact we can have in our own backyards, but also the tremendous scope of change we can achieve through the power of collective action.
When you think of philanthropy, what do you envision? Uber wealthy donors? Extravagant galas? In recent decades, philanthropy has come to be seen as something exclusive to those with an abundance of resources. But giving doesn’t have to mean donating millions of dollars. It can be as simple as a group of people who come together to make an impact on their community. In The Big We, Hali Lee argues that the future of philanthropy belongs to community action, specifically giving circles—a group of people who come together to pool their resources to do something good in their community. Born of traditions of generosity rooted in many of our ancestral cultures, giving circles provide a way for us to overcome our sense of overwhelm at the many problems we face.
Through stories of real giving circles around the country, including her own experience starting the Asian Women Giving Circle, Lee shows us a more expansive vision for the future of philanthropy. One led by people who are refocusing on community, who care about rebuilding the civic space, and who are yearning for connection, purpose, and shared vision. Through these giving circles do we see not only the immense impact we can have in our own backyards, but also the tremendous scope of change we can achieve through the power of collective action.
- GenresNonfiction
256 pages, Hardcover
Published March 4, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 15, 2026
Interesting and Practical Tips for Collective Giving, Though the Book is Far Too Long
A dear friend recommended this book when she referenced to her desire to have a positive impact on the world, and I was intrigued! Up front, I'll say that many of this book's concepts were really useful and pointed me in a very cool direction as I consider my monetary and community donations in the future, but I also found it (the book) too long and repetitive.
*Brief Synopsis: Hali Lee is a philanthropy professional and a founding member of, among other things, the Asian Women Giving Circle of NYC and the U.S.-based Donors of Color Network. In this book, she describes modern America's fixation on top-down, billionaire-led, metrics-obsessed, individualistic philanthropy as problematic and proposes grassroots, crowd-sourced, and organic groups known as "Giving Circles" as a preferred alternative. She posits that giving circles have organically sprung up in every culture (as "tithing" in many religious communities, "gehs" as a kind of due-paying "take the pot" exercise in Korea, "arisans" as a kind of family lottery in Indonesia, etc.), and that the future of effecting community- and national-level change in the United States could come from leveraging existing "kitchen table" social networks like Book Clubs, work colleagues, etc.
*Tools and Lessons I Want to Take With Me:
-The "Geh" concept was really cool. Everyone meets regularly (e.g., monthly) and puts an agreed-upon amount into the pot. And a different member "takes the pot" each month. It's cool, and can be leveraged into a monthly donation. I'm thinking about leveraging this with my existing reading, board game, and other groups.
-This question is how things get started: "Should we add a charitable component to our monthly/weekly get-togethers?"
-The Giving Circle concept is being led primarily by women. 60 percent of all giving circles are composed entirely of women, and 84 percent are majority women. She also says that we are in the midst of a massive generational transfer of wealth as Baby Boomers pass their wealth on to their daughters. Women control a third of total U.S. household financial assets today ($10 trillion), and they are projected to control $30 trillion by 2035.
-A meaningful take on giving from a grandmother in the American South: "You cannot be rich and have a poor sister."
-Lee's Chapter 4 reflects on how Giving Circles can help to combat the loneliness epidemic in modern America, including/especially as many have withdrawn from Churches that provided regular opportunities for socialization, nourishment, and weekly charitable calls.
-Upon establishing a Giving Circle, Lee suggests groups discuss their values and identify a "good enough" channel into which they will send their donations (and time). She says "'Even Overs' are a useful tool when one must make a choice between two good things. To use a food analogy, for me, French fries EVEN OVER potato chips." She also says a desire for perfectionism often paralyzes those who want to do good, and encourages them to give to causes that "spark joy" for the group even if they may not appear to outsiders to be the best/most meaningful causes. This reminds me of a favorite quote from the movie Amazing Grace: "If you make the world better in one way, you make it better in every way."
-I loved this largely unrelated take from Frank Bruni, a Duke University Professor, "I'm standing before [my students] not as an ambassador of certainty or a font of unassailable verities but as an emissary of doubt. I want to give them intelligent questions, not final answers. I want to teach them how much they have to learn-and how much they will always have to learn." She later says, "A marker of mental health is the ability to hold ambiguity."
-"To beat back the 'we don't have enough money' worry, the short answer is, yes, you do! ... Every dollar we raise and give is a dollar that would not have been raised nor given."
-She makes an interesting case for focusing some Giving Circle activity on changing the composition of state legislatures, which she argues "are responsible for almost every issue that directly affects our lives." Interesting! Also, "It was often cheaper to change the balance of power in a state chamber than it was to win a single competitive congressional seat. ... The price tag for flipping the state legislature in Maine in 2018? $150,000. (funded by two Giving Circles)"
-On Synergy: "Ten donors who give $10 each are more valuable than one donor who gives $1,000. Why? Because if even a fraction of those donors donates again, or contributes to the work in some other way, the organization has outstripped the contributions of the single $1,000 donor."
-"The Secret Sauce (for a successful and long-lived Giving Circle) is two parts building belonging and one part keeping it fun, at least some of the time. ... We work hard, but we also add outings that have no agenda other than seeing some interesting cultural happening and being with each other. We don't consider this a waste of time because we agree that when giving is fun, it's stickier."
-"The melding of the personal and the political is the alchemy of a Giving Circle."
*Excessively Repetitive: I won't harp on this point, but I felt like this book was way, way too long. It could easily have been reduced to a pamphlet and/or a TED Talk. Lee hit the same points repeatedly, with only slight variation in the messages delivered over 10 chapters, plus the introduction and conclusion. It was hard for me to stick with it sometimes!
*Politically Alienating, and Two Quibbles: All of Lee's examples of successful giving circles align with what we today consider to be "liberal" causes such as racial inclusion, reducing the wealth gap by taxing the rich, and (most transparently) community organizing as intentional pushback after Trump's 2016 election and Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination. I initially thought that this was an unwise tack for Lee to adopt, as it seemed antithetical to her stated hope for most/all Americans to pool their collective efforts to spark change, and a conservative wouldn't likely make it too far into this book. Upon finishing, however, I'm more inclined to think that alienation was intentional: I wouldn't be surprised if Lee decided to use this book as an additional mechanism to mobilize people who are primarily aligned with causes she cared about. As one parting quibble, I took issue with the way she represented 1) billionaire philanthropy as problematic because its donors' priorities and funding levels may change (I would argue that it is their prerogative to redirect their attention and resources as they see fit; I think it's great when they "do what they can" [Mark 14:6-8], and will certainly continue to exercise my own prerogative to change my donation strategies throughout my own life), and 2) public dollars as better-positioned to provide stable, meaningful support for people who need it (the dismantling of USAID should be a case in point that we cannot rely on democracies to carry out any long-term public benefit strategies).
I'm glad I read this book! I probably won't recommend the book itself to others, but I now have the tools I need to provide people with the pamphlet version I wish this book was and think about how to instill some positive change.
A dear friend recommended this book when she referenced to her desire to have a positive impact on the world, and I was intrigued! Up front, I'll say that many of this book's concepts were really useful and pointed me in a very cool direction as I consider my monetary and community donations in the future, but I also found it (the book) too long and repetitive.
*Brief Synopsis: Hali Lee is a philanthropy professional and a founding member of, among other things, the Asian Women Giving Circle of NYC and the U.S.-based Donors of Color Network. In this book, she describes modern America's fixation on top-down, billionaire-led, metrics-obsessed, individualistic philanthropy as problematic and proposes grassroots, crowd-sourced, and organic groups known as "Giving Circles" as a preferred alternative. She posits that giving circles have organically sprung up in every culture (as "tithing" in many religious communities, "gehs" as a kind of due-paying "take the pot" exercise in Korea, "arisans" as a kind of family lottery in Indonesia, etc.), and that the future of effecting community- and national-level change in the United States could come from leveraging existing "kitchen table" social networks like Book Clubs, work colleagues, etc.
*Tools and Lessons I Want to Take With Me:
-The "Geh" concept was really cool. Everyone meets regularly (e.g., monthly) and puts an agreed-upon amount into the pot. And a different member "takes the pot" each month. It's cool, and can be leveraged into a monthly donation. I'm thinking about leveraging this with my existing reading, board game, and other groups.
-This question is how things get started: "Should we add a charitable component to our monthly/weekly get-togethers?"
-The Giving Circle concept is being led primarily by women. 60 percent of all giving circles are composed entirely of women, and 84 percent are majority women. She also says that we are in the midst of a massive generational transfer of wealth as Baby Boomers pass their wealth on to their daughters. Women control a third of total U.S. household financial assets today ($10 trillion), and they are projected to control $30 trillion by 2035.
-A meaningful take on giving from a grandmother in the American South: "You cannot be rich and have a poor sister."
-Lee's Chapter 4 reflects on how Giving Circles can help to combat the loneliness epidemic in modern America, including/especially as many have withdrawn from Churches that provided regular opportunities for socialization, nourishment, and weekly charitable calls.
-Upon establishing a Giving Circle, Lee suggests groups discuss their values and identify a "good enough" channel into which they will send their donations (and time). She says "'Even Overs' are a useful tool when one must make a choice between two good things. To use a food analogy, for me, French fries EVEN OVER potato chips." She also says a desire for perfectionism often paralyzes those who want to do good, and encourages them to give to causes that "spark joy" for the group even if they may not appear to outsiders to be the best/most meaningful causes. This reminds me of a favorite quote from the movie Amazing Grace: "If you make the world better in one way, you make it better in every way."
-I loved this largely unrelated take from Frank Bruni, a Duke University Professor, "I'm standing before [my students] not as an ambassador of certainty or a font of unassailable verities but as an emissary of doubt. I want to give them intelligent questions, not final answers. I want to teach them how much they have to learn-and how much they will always have to learn." She later says, "A marker of mental health is the ability to hold ambiguity."
-"To beat back the 'we don't have enough money' worry, the short answer is, yes, you do! ... Every dollar we raise and give is a dollar that would not have been raised nor given."
-She makes an interesting case for focusing some Giving Circle activity on changing the composition of state legislatures, which she argues "are responsible for almost every issue that directly affects our lives." Interesting! Also, "It was often cheaper to change the balance of power in a state chamber than it was to win a single competitive congressional seat. ... The price tag for flipping the state legislature in Maine in 2018? $150,000. (funded by two Giving Circles)"
-On Synergy: "Ten donors who give $10 each are more valuable than one donor who gives $1,000. Why? Because if even a fraction of those donors donates again, or contributes to the work in some other way, the organization has outstripped the contributions of the single $1,000 donor."
-"The Secret Sauce (for a successful and long-lived Giving Circle) is two parts building belonging and one part keeping it fun, at least some of the time. ... We work hard, but we also add outings that have no agenda other than seeing some interesting cultural happening and being with each other. We don't consider this a waste of time because we agree that when giving is fun, it's stickier."
-"The melding of the personal and the political is the alchemy of a Giving Circle."
*Excessively Repetitive: I won't harp on this point, but I felt like this book was way, way too long. It could easily have been reduced to a pamphlet and/or a TED Talk. Lee hit the same points repeatedly, with only slight variation in the messages delivered over 10 chapters, plus the introduction and conclusion. It was hard for me to stick with it sometimes!
*Politically Alienating, and Two Quibbles: All of Lee's examples of successful giving circles align with what we today consider to be "liberal" causes such as racial inclusion, reducing the wealth gap by taxing the rich, and (most transparently) community organizing as intentional pushback after Trump's 2016 election and Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination. I initially thought that this was an unwise tack for Lee to adopt, as it seemed antithetical to her stated hope for most/all Americans to pool their collective efforts to spark change, and a conservative wouldn't likely make it too far into this book. Upon finishing, however, I'm more inclined to think that alienation was intentional: I wouldn't be surprised if Lee decided to use this book as an additional mechanism to mobilize people who are primarily aligned with causes she cared about. As one parting quibble, I took issue with the way she represented 1) billionaire philanthropy as problematic because its donors' priorities and funding levels may change (I would argue that it is their prerogative to redirect their attention and resources as they see fit; I think it's great when they "do what they can" [Mark 14:6-8], and will certainly continue to exercise my own prerogative to change my donation strategies throughout my own life), and 2) public dollars as better-positioned to provide stable, meaningful support for people who need it (the dismantling of USAID should be a case in point that we cannot rely on democracies to carry out any long-term public benefit strategies).
I'm glad I read this book! I probably won't recommend the book itself to others, but I now have the tools I need to provide people with the pamphlet version I wish this book was and think about how to instill some positive change.
August 1, 2025
a hopeful and strikingly well written ode to collective participation in social justice, democracy, and community giving.
May 14, 2025
it's fun reading a book your friend wrote. I'm part of the Big We. I joined the AMCF women's giving circle last year. Everyone should be part of one!
August 1, 2025
“At a sociopolitical moment in which there is so much loneliness, isolation, distrust, and disenfranchisement, assembling with friends, neighbors, and colleagues to improve our neighborhoods is one way we can begin to reknit the ties that bind us.”
such a powerful read that walks you through the history and future of collective giving. if you want something that will demonstrate that you, yes you, can make a difference and then inspire you to take action, this is it.
“How we spend our money says something about what we think is impotent and what our values are… charitable endeavors are imbued with mortality, whether we like it, acknowledge it, or not.”
“‘How you show up over time is more important than any one thing you might do, any one moment, any one action. The most important thing is to keep at it.’”
such a powerful read that walks you through the history and future of collective giving. if you want something that will demonstrate that you, yes you, can make a difference and then inspire you to take action, this is it.
“How we spend our money says something about what we think is impotent and what our values are… charitable endeavors are imbued with mortality, whether we like it, acknowledge it, or not.”
“‘How you show up over time is more important than any one thing you might do, any one moment, any one action. The most important thing is to keep at it.’”
December 30, 2025
The Big We discusses the importance of giving circles over “Big Phil”, defined as billionaires and technocrats who make big donations. Big Phils do not have community roots and make their money from industries who often worsen the situation. Lee argues that giving circles do not take a large amount of money from each person, but provide meaningful impact and build community. Throughout the book, she mentions examples of giving circles that have made a significant impact such as the Asian Women Giving Circle who donated money for LGBTQ activists to march in the Lunar New Year Parade in New York City. Her friend, Lisa Goldenberg Corn, created a giving circle targeting supporting state legislatures. It is a cheaper and effective way to change policy through grassroots donations.
The arc of the book is broken into three sections. First, Hali focuses on the “me” centered donors who make it all about their agenda and try to weave corporate strategy into community-centered issues. In Newark, millions of dollars were funneled into charter schools, worsening the situation for low-income families who could not afford private school. Part two is centered on breaking the epidemic of loneliness through building trust and civic engagement through intentional giving as a group. Part three defines success stories of giving circles that did not raise millions, but pushed policies and effective change without the national recognition that it deserves. It is not about formulating recognition, but creating community and curing the loneliness epidemic. This story showed me how big change can start with small giving and a desire to create meaningful relationships through service. This is what I think the triad of fulfillment is about.
The arc of the book is broken into three sections. First, Hali focuses on the “me” centered donors who make it all about their agenda and try to weave corporate strategy into community-centered issues. In Newark, millions of dollars were funneled into charter schools, worsening the situation for low-income families who could not afford private school. Part two is centered on breaking the epidemic of loneliness through building trust and civic engagement through intentional giving as a group. Part three defines success stories of giving circles that did not raise millions, but pushed policies and effective change without the national recognition that it deserves. It is not about formulating recognition, but creating community and curing the loneliness epidemic. This story showed me how big change can start with small giving and a desire to create meaningful relationships through service. This is what I think the triad of fulfillment is about.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 10, 2025
Smaller donors can shape the future of philanthropy! That's the message of this wonderful new book that encourages us to reimagine the world of giving. People often picture billionaires steering pet causes when they think of philanthropy. But smaller donors can band together forming what's known as "giving circles" to make a bigger impact and shape causes they care about. Giving circles are borne out of traditions from several ancestral cultures and help us build bigger impacts than we would have own our own. Definitely check out this book today if you're interested in philanthropy, community organizing, or just making a difference in the world!
May 26, 2025
In a moment in time when the world feels chaotic and divided, Hali offers a prescription for both democratizing giving as well as connecting with each other. In contrast to "Big Phil" (established institutional philanthropic entities), the movement from me to we that this book described is an antidote for us all to remember what it is to be part of a community that is working together for the common good, as well as joy.
Meshing Hali's personal stories with a historical review of philanthropy, The Big We offers us a path forward that is based in hope, joy, community and giving - all things that we need to both survive and thrive.
Meshing Hali's personal stories with a historical review of philanthropy, The Big We offers us a path forward that is based in hope, joy, community and giving - all things that we need to both survive and thrive.
Read
February 25, 2026This is an energizing reminder that philanthropy (in the form of giving circles) isn’t reserved for the wealthy — it’s democratic and accessible to all (and has a long history). Hali Lee upends the old rules of giving and shows how everyday people, often gathering as groups of girlfriends, can pool resources and create meaningful change. I especially appreciated the many examples of women and people of color who are already leading and innovating in this space. The book makes giving feel concrete, relational, and even joyful. If you’re looking for practical, grassroots ways to make a difference with others (girlfriends!) this is a motivating place to start.
March 10, 2025
Great read! As someone who is tired of billionaires making choices for me, this book is an antidote to that feeling of helplessness. Kitchen table philanthropy is what we all need so we can feel like we are contributing to our community and making change from the ground up. Bravo to the author for giving us all a recipe to create our own giving circles and create more connection in our lives. Highly recommend.
Read
May 8, 2025Read for work so I am not rating this, but I was pleasantly surprised by how informative this was! I expected to hear a lot of philanthropy buzz and instead really appreciated the focus on community ESPECIALLY on creating community around civic engagement for marginalized groups.
She is onto something for sure, though this occasionally gets a little repetitive :~)
She is onto something for sure, though this occasionally gets a little repetitive :~)
May 25, 2025
This is a book about ordinary people moving money together to help create the world they want to live in. But even more, it’s about overcoming isolation, building community, and finding meaning in shared purpose. As a nonprofit fundraiser, I’m coming away from this book with new ideas for how giving can be a deeper invitation into community, connection, and collective healing.
May 27, 2025
What I found so remarkable about the book is that it not only discussed giving circles as a practical tool, but very skillfully and persuasively widened the aperture on that practice to a call to action for our civic engagement more broadly. This book offers us an essential tool for protecting our democracy.
November 19, 2025
Generosity is more than a transfer of goods or services. The ways givers give impact the giver, and this book advocates well for giving as part of groups for community as well as more impact. Lee does a good job recognizing the informal & community-level giving systems that traditional banks don't see. Yay giving circles!
April 17, 2025
Relevant, honest, and right on time. Are you lonely? Wondering what you can do (as just one person? Spoiler: you’re not!)? Thinking about hyper-local actions you can take while also building community? This is the book for you!
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews