If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You: A Novel

by Mae Marvel

One of NYPL's Best New Romances of the year

Mr. and Mrs. Smith meets The Pairing in this heart-racing romance of secrets, spies, and steam.

A few rules for the international
(1) Never blow your cover.
(2) Never accept the first plan.
(3) Never fall for anyone at the agency. Especially if she’s your ex-girlfriend.

Yardley Whitmer, code name “the Unicorn,” can do no wrong. She’s honed her spycraft and become an instant legend in the field. If only breaking up with her girlfriend were as easy as rappelling off the Eiffel Tower. Living a full-time cover story has slowly eroded her relationship until there’s nothing left but lies.

KC “Tabasco” Nolan, hacker extraordinaire, can crack any code—except the one that would tell her the right moment to confess her secret job to Yardley. Now it’s too late, and she’s in danger of losing the best chance at love she’s ever had.

When an undercover shakedown goes wrong, Yardley and KC discover the unbelievable truth—that they’ve both been working at the agency for years. To salvage the mission, they partner up and fly across oceans, race through winding European streets, and give in to inconvenient passion while hiding in an ambassador’s linen closet. But can they throw away their rules and fight through their secrets to fall in love with each other’s true selves?

Genres: Romance, Lesbian, LGBT, Queer, Contemporary, Fiction, Adult

344 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 10, 2025

About the author

Mae Marvel is the alias of cowriters Ruthie Knox and Annie Mare, bestselling authors of over a dozen acclaimed romance novels between them. Mae lives with two teenagers, two dogs, one cat, four hermit crabs, and a plethora of snails and fish in a witchy century house in Wisconsin whose extravagant perennial garden gives them something to look forward to in the depths of winter. In addition to romance, they also write mystery novels and cannot promise not to branch into new novelistic territories at a moment’s notice. They can be found online at maemarvel.com.

Reviews

[chan ☆ · Rating 2 out of 5]

was soooo ready to fall head over heels for this... i mean, LESBIAN SPIES? sign me tf up.

but i keep having this problem where i pick up books with cool plot lines that then get in the way of the romance. and this one was doubly challenging because it was a bit of a second chance situation. recent exes teaming up to stop bad guys. but despite the solid attempts, i just didn't see what they saw in each other or why i should root for them to get back together.

also didn't help that the level of detail of the crimes these 2 were investigating was sometimes confusing. like you don't need to spoon feed me info but i don't think we need to be doing thaaaat much for a spy situation in a romance idk.

[lexie · Rating 3 out of 5]

6/10/25 happiest of pub days to these angsty idiots ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

for those of you wanting mr and mrs smith but sapphic, look no further 💫 this angsty second chance-adjacent had me tearing up so many times for what goddamn reason 😐 wlw isn’t always losing in the end though…

thank you to netgalley and smp for the arc!!

[Sylvie {Semi-Hiatus} · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Many thanks to NetGalley for providing me an E-Arc in exchange for an honest review!*

3.5 Stars!

I was completely captivated by the magnetic romance in this story, and the whole Mr. and Mrs. Smith-style (a big fan of that movie) espionage angle was such a blast to read. Admittedly, the middle section did lean a bit too heavily on clichés, feeling a touch repetitive. But don’t let that deter you — the electric chemistry between the two main characters and thrilling twists more than make up for it, keeping you riveted until the last page!

Mr. and Ms. Smith meets The Pairing in this heart-racing romance of secrets, spies, and steam.

Seeing that this is a sapphic Mr. & Mrs. Smith is all I need to fangirl over this book on an extreme level!

[Mae Marvel]

Hello!

As the authors of this book, we are oh so pleased to have the privilege of sharing Yardley and KC's story with you. IF I TOLD YOU, I'D HAVE TO KISS YOU is a relationship-in-trouble romance about two women who have all but given up on each other when they find themselves thrown together in a completely new way. Yardley and KC are spies, and this book interacts with many of our favorite staples of spy stories, it is light on violence and big on humor, feelings, and spice. A few elements of the content could make it a difficult read for some, so we wanted to flag them here:

* alcohol (minor)
* cursing (moderate)
* dementia (minor, not described in any detail)
* gun violence (minor, guns present twice but not discharged)
* kidnapping (minor)
* pregnancy (moderate, secondary character)
* sexual content (moderate)
* violence (minor)

If none of that is a barrier for you, we hope you'll consider reading! This is a romance that's ultimately about figuring out what's necessary for love at first sight to mature into love that lasts. Who knew making a relationship work would be harder than driving a motorcycle off a boat ramp to land on a yacht?

We hope you love reading this one as much as we loved writing it.

xoxo,
Mae Marvel

[emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a goddamn blast from start to finish. It gave me the vibes of Mr and Mrs Smith (a movie I used to adore but now leaves a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth bc of the Brad Pitt of it all) except way better, because sapphic. The plot is different, the only thing it really borrows is “whoops, are we both spies!?” And the knowledge that brings allows our two main characters, Yardley (a dreamboat I ADORE but still unfortunately bemoan her name) and KC (if only bc of her partners name adding to it, ditto lol) into slowly attempting to repair their broken relationship now that there aren’t so many lies hanging over it.

I loved both MCs, I really enjoyed the way the plot played out in terms of pacing and the secondary characters and I just had a great time. I have this one in physical, but also ended up getting the audio too and kind of alternating listening and reading (and occasionally reading along while listening). The narrator was fantastic and has become one of my favorites. I looooooed her voice and accent for Yardley, it really upped her dreamboat status and she was good with accents and different voices in general. It’s my first book by this author but it def won’t be my last. Highly rec!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved my first read by Mae Marvel. If I Told You, I’d Have to Kiss You was not what I expected; it was so much more. For some reason, I thought this was going to be a comedy, but I was mistaken.
High-stakes espionage, spy-versus-spy conflict, and matters of the heart are all on the line. Two spies at the top of their game are surprised to discover they have been dating for three years. Their inability to fully reveal their true selves has led to the relationship crumbling, despite the love they are sure of.
When a mission goes awry, the truth about their double lives is uncovered. Now, they have to manage their personal and professional lives to work together and prevent a dangerous weapon from being sold/unleashed on the public.
This was brilliantly done. The personal struggles intertwined with the professional challenges were balanced and believable and both of our heroines are kick@$$. I appreciate how they worked through their feelings in a way that showed real growth and led to a realistic conclusion. The romance and the action were given equal attention, creating solid and engaging plotlines. I enjoyed the supporting characters as well, especially Kris.
The writing was well done, the dialogue was easy to follow, the spy-thriller aspect was exciting, and the romance was satisfying and authentic.
I had such a great time with this story. I would certainly read more by this author.
Kudos for unapologetically queer characters, competent women in charge, and explosions.
#spythriller #espionage #sapphic #queerrep #epilogue #action #romance
I received this ARC from NetGalley. This is my honest opinion.

[Jena · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I Told you I'd Have to Kiss You is a sapphic, second-chance, spies romance. It can definitely be unbelievable and over the top at times, but I think that's part of the charm. No one's reading spy romances looking for realism. I did find the conflict a little bit repetitive in the middle portion of the book, but once the characters took the time to settle down and talk, I thought that they had a really good connection.
Thank you to the publisher and MacMillan Audio for the ARCs in exchange for an honest review!

[BookishKB · Rating 5 out of 5]

🧡 Bookish Thoughts
Mrs. Smith x Mrs. Smith, but sapphic and way more fun.
This was such an entertaining read. I adored KC and Yardley. KC "Tabasco" Nolan stole my heart immediately! Mostly because because Tabasco is my go-to hot sauce 🤣

Don't overthink the book, you probably won't enjoy it if you do. Is it far fetched that two spies living together and dating for three years wouldn’t know they were both spies? Probably. But it was seriously funny and cute. It honestly felt like a sapphic action comedy I’d binge on a chill Friday night. Light, funny, and entertaining. The audiobook was great too. I would definitely recommend listening.

💌 What You Can Expect:
• Sapphic spy romance
• Second chance
• Secret identities
• Forced proximity

📖 Final Score: 4.5 stars
📆 Pub Date: June 10, 2025
Thank you to Macmillan Audio and NetGalley for the advanced listening copy. All thoughts are my own.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You is my third book by Ruthie Knox and Annie Mare in under a year and I'm still really sold on their writing. I'd have to be to read a spy thriller because it's just not my thing at all.

Truthfully, I think I like this book the least of the three I've read and that's probably because it's trying to do too much? I don't know. I love the relationship drama between Yardley aka Unicorn, CIA super spy, and KC aka Tabasco, CIA tech spy extraordinaire. I love the way Knox and Mare have their characters communicate. Their conversations feel too intimate to read at times. But in a CIA setting, it just felt misplaced, especially when those conversations happened with their coworkers and supervisors. It's like this book should have been either a spy thriller or a romance but not both. Because I felt cheated out of both, you know?

I'm not an expert on the spy stuff because it's not my normal genre and I haven't read anything like it since I was in middle school, but I thought it was a lot of fun. A little confusing to follow at times, which happens for me with action sequences in books. I did enjoy getting to spend time in Sweden, though, especially since I traveled there last year.

Overall, I thought this was a fun read. I can't wait to see what Knox and Mare come up next.

3.5 stars

[Juniper L.H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this novel! One thing that I always love is when a novel has more than just one element to it, and this was a perfect example. This was/had a solid romance plotline for sure, but it was also an action/spy thriller with a full plotline that would make for a satisfying novel on its own if the romance element was removed. This was a complete and satisfying novel, multiple times over (and some novels fail to achieve that even the one time, hah!). The writing was excellent, the characters felt real and genuine, and the plotlines managed to be believable and realistic despite being a high-action-spy-thriller. The two parallel plotlines were woven together extremely well and worked off each other as opposed to feeling shoehorned in. I have no criticisms and would recommend to everyone. (In fact, this novel would make a nice bridge between romance and action thriller for readers of either genre who want to branch out!).

My Rating: "A"
GoodReads: 5-stars

The romance. This was very well done. These characters had some significant (yet realistic and relatable) issues to work through and the novel didn’t cut any corners or make anything too conveniently easy. We saw some great communication and insight as to how relationships can be difficult even when everyone wants them to work out and is willing to put in the work. There were a lot of high emotions at play. I particularly appreciated how neither character was “the bad guy” and they both shared somewhat equivalent responsibility for their problems.

The non-romance plot was great too. The action and spy stuff were fun without being over the top. The stakes were high enough to keep me invested and yet not so fantastical that it wasn’t believable or got too stressful. There were lots of other types of relationships explored besides the central romance, which I greatly appreciated.

As a last aside, I personally enjoy it when characters in situations like this can have their big interpersonal conflicts but also put a pin in it to be professional and get their job done. They are affected by the relationship drama, but they are also the badass spy that they are being presented as.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing a free ARC. This honest review was left voluntarily.

[Cherie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ This is a story about two women who are spies for the CIA. Yardley is a field agent with a reputation as a legend in the agency with her very skillful spy craft. KC is an intelligence analyst who was recruited as a 14 year old hacker into government systems. Throughout the first half of the book, even though they live together, they don’t know each other is a spy.

I found it hard to believe that KC didn’t know that Yardley was a spy since she has access to tons of info. But if she wasn’t looking for it and Yardley was an expert at secrecy, then maybe ?

This book was somewhat tongue in check with humor mixed with spy craft. The writing style was unique in that I never felt like the author was trying to write a serious book. On the other hand there was a lot of philosophical advice thrown by the MCs thoughts and conversations with their mentors. The writing style was choppy at times. I thought it was like a Cliff Notes version of a John LeClarre novel. There were also several clever references to sapphic cliches written as allegories.

This was a unique read and different than most sapphic books that I’ve read. I look forward to reading more books by this team of authors.

ARC received from Net Galley for an honest and voluntary review.

[Book Riot Community]

Book Riot's Best New Romance Books Out in June:

When you say “Ms. and Ms. Smith” and “The Pairing,” you bet my behind is going to be right there. A sapphic, spy action, relationship-in-trouble masterpiece by an author who is half Ruthie Knox? Yes, friend. Yes. KC and Yardley have both worked for “the agency” for years. They are also in a long-term, suffering relationship that is on its last legs. They are also each keeping the secret of their work from each other. So when the truth does in fact out, they have to work together to set things right—both their work issues and the ones at home. —Jessica Pryde

[Theo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dnf bc it was weirdly patriotic, glorified the CIA constantly (and why is this fake CIA made exclusively of queer POC? Oooo ur gay and a POC and you looovveee oppressing your people bc you love the CIA #america), they made the person who made the technology bomb an Irish person (??? What?), and everyone is a trope/walking charicature of what two white ladies think is woke. Fuck the CIA and fuck stories that glamorize the destruction they bring upon people

[Madison Warner Fairbanks · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Told You, I’d Have to Kiss You by Mae Marvel
Contemporary sapphic romance.
Yardley Whitmer is a spy. Second generation. Her skills have made her one of the elite in the business. With the spy business comes a lot of security clearance which means she can’t talk about what she does to anyone besides her direct coworkers. This has made her relationships difficult since she can’t say where she’s been, what she’s doing or even commit to future events. Lies don’t make a relationship easy and she holds herself back because of the job.
KC Nolan, aka Tabasco, is in love with Yardley but can’t seem to get through to her. Her job as a hacker for the government doesn’t make it easy either since she can’t share much. When she and Yardley end up on the floor of the Starbucks trying to protect each other, it becomes apparent they work for the same company and someone’s been manipulating them. They team up to find both the betrayer and discuss their feelings while doing a bit of undercover work at the same time. They can handle it. They are the best in the game.

🎧 I alternated between an ebook and audiobook which is narrated by Mia Hutchison-Shaw. A phenomenal performance with distinct sounds and emotions for the two main characters and several secondary. The tempo was pleasing even while there were arguments and spy stuff going on. While the POV changes with chapters, it’s not hard to follow since the book is third person. The performance ramps up the tension as the situation between the two proceeded. And grows steamy with the sexy scenes.
I did speed up the playback to 1.5 and slightly higher so I could read along with the audiobook.

Loved the two females in the spy game. Clearly each had excelled in their careers. Didn’t like the lying they had to do for security reasons. Great job on tracking the villain and adored the final scenes. Plenty of steamy scenes too for a romance.

I received a copy of this from NetGalley and publisher Macmillan Audio.

[Aunt Missa · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a super fun summer read following Yardley and KC and their spy adventures. The pining and the heartbreak was perfect. KC and Yardley broke up based on the secrets they were keeping from each other. I’d be the WORST spy. I tell my wife everything and when I don’t want to tell her she pulls it out of me anyway. Again, I’d be a terrible spy.

This has tons of action but it’s not difficult to follow and I didn’t get lost in all the spy tech talk. The pain that the MCs were feeling over their break up and the distance between them was brought onto the page beautifully. There’s no anger between them, just sadness and regret that’s all wrapped up in trying to save the world from the bad guys. There’s two scenes of smutus interruptus and one fulfillment of the smut.

Excellent summertime fun.

[inescapablebooks♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

If only the CIA wasn’t evil asf because damn I wanna be a spy so bad 😩

Premise: Following a failed undercover mission for the CIA, exes KC and Yardley discover they’ve both been working for the agency for years. Now that the truth is out, how will they salvage the mission together without falling in bed or in love again?

My thoughts: This was fun! It was easy to read (despite certain passages being too run on) and the plot was exciting and romantic. I actually felt the tension and chemistry between the two main characters and there was a perfect combination of action from the spy plot and romance. BUT, why the hell did they have sex in an old ass bed while IN THE MIDDLE of kidnapping this random agent? I’m not a spy but I’m assuming that’s risky as hell…

If you’re looking for a quick, summer sapphic read, read this next!!

[jay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm very conflicted over this one. Like, the writing was very good, and the plot wasn't all that ridiculous. Considering it was about spies, I think it was quite solid.

However, I felt like for a romance book, there wasn't enough romance, especially when we're talking about a second-chance trope.

I think the heartache of a break-up was handled very well, and I liked the chemistry. It was there. What wasn't there is the reason for them to get back together. It was skimmed through and explained theoretically in favour of a high-paced narrative of a spy plot.

I genuinely had fun with this book, and I liked it, but the romance part of it felt lacking.

[currentlyreadingbynat · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Told You I’d Have to Kiss You is a fun sapphic spy novel with a unique premise — two women in a long-term relationship each hiding the fact that they’re spies. The setup is ridiculous, but kind of great, and I was on board for the mix of action, romance, and identity-reveal chaos.

The book blends sharp action sequences with relationship drama, and I appreciated that both sides of the story got attention. There’s some genuine emotional growth for both leads, and their reconnection felt earned. That said, the pacing was slow at times and I occasionally found it hard to follow what was going on — particularly in the more technical or twist-heavy moments. There’s also a fair amount of suspension of disbelief required, but that comes with the territory in a spy novel like this.

Some of the secondary characters stood out — Kris in particular was a highlight — and their interactions gave the story a bit more depth. I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Mia Hutchison-Shaw, who did an incredible job with her narration. Both characters had their own distinct voice so it helped with knowing who was talking (as this book is written in third person POV).

Overall, it’s a clever, fast-talking spy romance that offers something a little different. Not perfect, but definitely entertaining.

Many thanks to Netgalley and Macmillan Audio for a copy of this audiobook. ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.

[Charlie Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an absolute queer gem! The sapphic spy romance of my dreams!!

Full RTC when I stop squeeing!

[amy_the_bookworm_ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 ⭐️


Spies and lies is the name of the game with the CIA. Yardley, known as “Unicorn” out in the field, and KC, the high level tech expert, known as “Tabasco” present a Ms. & Ms. Smith thriller-spy type of story! Crazy about one another, will Yardley and KC’s already tested relationship survive the demands of their under cover jobs, and their most recent, high-stakes secret mission? Will their love survive the ultimate test?

Nothing is ever as it seems with the CIA. Secrets, strategy, and suspense await at every turn! I’m absolutely inspired by this story and the incredible warrior women who are taking charge!

The storyline is incredibly intriguing and the characters are well-developed. However, it does get a tad repetitive in the middle, but don’t let that stop you. The romance and action-packed twists & turns will keep you hooked until the very end!

This exciting story took us all over the globe, with the perfect blend of romance, suspense, and a side of cheeky humor! It’s an exciting ride you do not want to miss! I enjoyed this thrilling, suspenseful sapphic love story, and I look forward to reading more Mae Marvel stories!

Thank you to NetGalley, stmartinspress and the author, Mae Marvel for the opportunity to read and review this e-arc! This book will be released on 🔹June 10, 2025!

[rachel x]

"Ms. and Ms. Smith meets The Pairing in this heart-racing romance of secrets, spies, and steam."

sapphic spy rom-com!

[Carlene · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love a good second chance romance, I love a suspense romance with spies even more. If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You follows two queer spies, except neither knows the other is a spy, and well, their relationship happens to be falling apart. Talk about DRAMA. Yardley and KC are incredible characters, particularly stand out on the audiobook, but neither has communicated honestly, for obvious reasons, and neither knows how to bridge that gap now that some of the truth is on the table. Doesn't help that there's some spy work needed that gets in the way of their off the charts chemistry. We've got a second chance romance on the brink of the end and a technology that is considered modern warfare that they need to track down. This one is amped up, in every way.

This was a long one and while typically I adore a good long book full of details, I found myself being pulled away from this one. It didn't hold my attention as well as I would have liked, especially for how much I love spy and romantic suspense novels. I've thought about it a while and I think the kick off to the action of the novel just took a really long time. There's a lot of detail, like the minutia of daily life feeling, though I know it is meant to build to how the two characters think, act, and go to the crossroads they were at, as well as to make room for the suspense plot to take place. Even that was a lot of detail, for me. I enjoyed it, but I think it could've been shorter.

[Teddy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a tough one to rate because I read it with two hats on - first as an ALIAS fan, and second as the wife of a former CIA case officer. Though with the latter hat on, this book wasn’t realistic in the slightest, I thoroughly enjoyed being back in the world of Sydney Bristow! Yardley and KC were great characters in different ways. I especially felt for KC. It was fun to follow them through the different locations, and I thought the author did a good job representing different accents and slang. The action kept me turning pages. Anyone who wished Sydney had gone sapphic will love this one.

Short summary: If ALIAS were gay and her roommate who she’s in love with but in the midst of a break up with also secretly worked for the agency and now they have to team up to stop a weapon while ignoring their feelings and the pile of lies between them.

Thanks to St. Martin’s Press and Netgalley. ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.

[lauraღ · Rating 4 out of 5]

“More like a free fall. But when it’s love, you won’t hit the ground.”

 F/F spy romance! This was a great mix of fun, action, and heart-wrenching emotion, and I had a really good time with it. I first read from this author duo earlier this year, and that book (Everyone I kissed Since You Got Famous) is going down as one of my absolute favourites. While I didn't love this one quite as much, it still made my heart so full? It's a second chance spy/action romance between two operatives who work for the CIA and have been dating for 3 years, but have no idea that they each work for the agency. Yardley and KC broke up a couple months ago and are in the process of moving out of each other's lives, but then a mission that KC has a personal stake in changes everything for them.

This joins the ranks of those books that just.. idk, feel like movies, but they manage to do so in a good way. It kinda reminded me of reading Tal Bauer's presidential bodyguard romance; there's a lot of international travel, fight scenes, auctions with scummy rich people, and a powerful new weapon that could have devastating consequences in the wrong hands. And in the midst of it are Yardley and KC, each trying to reconcile the fact that her ex-girlfriend is also a spy, and that the Agency had kept it from them, and that they're still in love with each other. I really liked the way the romance was approached. Some of their problems had stemmed from the lies they'd been obliged to tell and the secrets they'd been obliged to keep, but there were deeper issues of insecurity and miscommunication that needed to be sorted out. There's also the fact that Yardley is a field operative, and KC is a technical genius who mostly works behind a computer, but for this mission, they find themselves needing to swap places, and put KC in the field. It's such a fun dynamic, seeing them get to know each other on a different playing field, teach other tricks, acclimate to each other all over again.

Like I always say, second chance isn't my favourite trope, but this is a great example of it, done super well. KC and Yardley are broken up at the beginning of the book, but the authors write their chemistry and yearning SO well, it feels like they're magnets just waiting to snap back together. Even when they're fighting, even when they're angry at each other, there's always this pull. And I appreciated that there was never any OTT anger or animosity in the relationship. There are a couple times when they leap into action without thinking to save each other, and it's SO swoony. I ate their dynamic up with a spoon. For one, I always love a short butch/tall femme pair; CLASSIC. Yardley's this devastating, hyper-competent Southern belle who has a reputation in the field for being one of a kind, getting the job done, but she's also just really cute. She got her aspirations to be a spy from her family. On the other hand, KC is a super intelligent desk jockey, and while she's tiny, she's strong and ripped and really protective. She's had a more unconventional recruitment into the CIA, and a lot of family trauma. They work together so well, and the writing emphasises that every moment they're on page. This is also one of those books that's just incredibly, deliciously sexy, even if it doesn't have a bunch of sex scenes. I was kicking my feet.

One thing I didn't like was the... idk what to call it. Just like when I read cop books, if I pick up a book about the CIA (who are objectively evil) where our heroes, the good guys, are CIA operatives, I know there are a few ways the author can approach it. They might try to convince the reader that we're in an alternate universe where the CIA are totally cool, actually. They might acknowledge that the agency is bad, but our main characters are good. This book seemed to do a bit of A and B, combined with... idk. There's a scene where Yardley talks about how being a queer woman in the CIA makes her a better agent, just like being black and a woman makes the president better at her job. (Because the president is a black woman in this universe.) And. Hmm. I see what the authors  are trying to do but something about that whole section just made me go... No. No. No. No. I'll try to find some other review that articulates it better than I can. But I didn't like it. The book also does the thing where it has its cis white women characters complain about cis white men, which always makes me a little ?__? If you're going to say something about structural racism then SAY IT. Otherwise, you're just being a little annoying, imo.

Listened to the audiobook as read by Mia Hutchinson-Shaw and it was LOVELY. A voice that I've really started to love, and actively look out for when I'm searching audiobooks. She has such a huge talent for really voicing emotion in a scene, and helping me to picture the characters. It definitely influenced how much I enjoyed this. Despite my little nitpicks, this was undoubtedly a winner, and I'm so glad I picked it up.

She had to give herself over to who they were together, two women who adored each other and knew nothing about love, not yet, but were ready to knock holes in the ceilings of their lives to let in the light.

 

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, love the concept of this book. Ms. and Ms. Smith should absolutely be a thing and I think the characters in this were great choices for those roles. My hang up with this book is that there was entirely too much spying in the romance and not enough actual romancing. I just said in another review that I do not read for the plot and this book has a lot of plot and a lot of technical mission details and my eyes glazed over the way that they do when I am reading NF and there are details about troop movements. I wanted more feelings is all.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGally for the ARC.

[Lauren · Rating 1 out of 5]

Initially I was like ‘lesbian spies? Sign me the fuck up’ but this was a SLOG to get through. Zero chemistry and bad writing, and I finished purely as a hate read

[Lillian M · Rating 1 out of 5]

I fear this let me down :( the spy content was subpar, the actions the characters made were unprofessional; and i wish their relationship had been talked more about. Oh well.

[ancientreader · Rating 3 out of 5]

KC and Yardley, the loves of each other's lives, have let their relationship fall apart because they're both concealing so much about themselves, of which the least important piece is that they both work for the CIA. (It might be better to say that they're concealing so much about their selves). But they're forced to work together in recovering some software (which fortunately exists on a single microdrive) that can wipe out the grid of entire cities, and the proximity forces them into honest conversations; also, they make a number of good solid starts at tearing each other's clothes off before being interrupted for reasons either logistical or emotional, depending.

Though reality intruded on my brain from time to time, I managed to settle in to the alternative universe where working for the CIA (which seems to be staffed largely by queer people) is working for the good guys and where POTUS is a Black woman (whimper). Also, in this real world where, let's face it, most romance-novel prose is competent at best, Mae Marvel's is sharp and sexy.

So why did I keep dropping this book and having to make myself come back to it?

The problem was to do with the Bond-level spy shenanigans, in which KC performs impossible feats of hacking, Yardley performs impossible feats of skullduggery, and both of them are strong and fast to an action-movie superhero degree. All that wound up undercutting the emotional narrative, because I couldn't believe in these two as human beings with broken hearts in need of mending. They were just too perfectly godlike in every other way -- so the story went down smoothly but sans oomph, like a well-made mocktail.

If I Told You would make a fun beach or airplane read, or an audiobook for a long drive. I don't really mean that as damning with faint praise -- it's just that this isn't what I look for in a romance. 3.5 stars, rounded down for personal inclination, and thanks to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the ARC.

[Emmaline Savidge · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was just a rollicking fun time! Personally I'm more of a detective mystery gal, but if I'm going to pick up a spy thriller this is exactly what I want. I think that the romance was the key element that made this book work for me. A secret identity plot is the perfect medium to explore a relationship in trouble story. Relationship in trouble such an interesting romantic dynamic, but for you to believe that things are going to work out there needs to be growth. When the key conflict is just that they have secret spy identities and it's impacting them emotionally it's easy to believe that we can get over that hurdle. Overall, I loved the dynamic between these two and their romance was adorable. I will say there was a bit too much I love America talk for my taste but its a spy thriller so that just comes with the territory.

Thanks to the publisher for providing me with a free e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.

[sage stenhaug :) · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I Told You, I’d Have to Kiss you was a sapphic spy love story. We have Yardley and KC who unknowingly work together in the CIA yet are somewhat dating without knowing each other’s true identities. The reason I say somewhat dating is because we are introduced to these characters while they are in the midst of a breakup. Their relationship was at the end of the road until they found out while on a mission their true identities.

The premise of this book sounded so much fun. I was really excited to read this, however it did not live up to my expectations. This book felt so long. The pacing was very slow for me which made it very difficult for me to get through. I wanted to love the plot, but I felt everything was just drawn out so much. In a romance novel, I always like a plot, but expect the main couple to be more of a focus, whereas in this case I felt like it flip flopped. It just didn’t grip me as much as I wanted it to.

As for the characters. I felt disconnected to them. I wish we saw more of their relationship, but unfortunately while I think this was second chance, it was more second chance while you’re still in the midst of the breakup and while they did fight, figuring out their identities felt like it solved most of their issues. We seem them work together, have some conversations, but it just felt surface level to me. Part of that was because it was in between the plot of a world ending weapon. I just couldn’t take some of it as seriously.

Overall, I did enjoy the story. It didn’t grip me like I wanted it to and I felt disconnected the whole time. Thank you Netgalley and St Martin Griffin for an earc. All opinions are my own.