I always find it interesting when a writer compliments their editor at the beginning of the story. Why? Because I always find lots of mistakes. I tend to find a lot of mistakes most of the time I read anyway, but the compliment always catches my eye and forces my brain to “really” look for mistakes.
***My suggestion to any and all writers is to get as many people to read your manuscript before and after it’s edited. The more eyes you get to critique, the fewer mistakes will be found in the manuscript.***
In this case, I’m thinking the writer didn’t have many readers look over her story before it was published beside the editor.
Where to start? I had a lot of issues with this story. I hadn’t read a supernatural story in a good while, so I was excited when I came across this one. There were many, many mistakes throughout the story: whether it was “lie, lay, lying, laying, etc., making sure things were consistent (the use of ellipses, em-dashes, hyphens [using an en dash or two dashes]), tenses, spelling, forgetting quotation marks or including them where there weren’t needed, italics of inner dialogue, missing words, sentences that were phrased strangely, or new information that didn’t match up with previous info.
For example, “Didn’t know you were such OF fan.” Or “It’s okay to accept a freebie once AND a while.” Or “I DID[n’t] know what to do or say.” Or “A pair of thrones sat on the stage with STAGE.” Or “I switched [THE] light on.” A paragraph later, “She slid off the counter and STARING at me.”
Or “His voice turned soft, but masculine.” Or “He [Michael] grabbed Grace’s and my hands.” It’s phrase oddly when it could have simply been “He grabbed OUR hands. Or “A random nobody does get what the pendant represents.”
Needless to say, I wasn’t much of a fan. The mistakes were too distracting and the story, the writing style, just didn’t work for me, as you’ll see with my comments below.
Questions/Comments:
She’s in the cemetery and it’s so dark that she can’t see her white iPod headphone cord, BUT she can see Michael’s too-tanned skin, his blue eyes, his really blonde hair... YET she can only “sense” a smile in his voice and not actually see his month. Right.
He picks up the cord and she automatically thinks he’s going to strangle her or something…. Why?
So the protagonist’s name, I’m guessing, is commonly mispronounced. It’s Rouge Riding. For me, Rouge is pronounced the same way as the blush makeup for the cheeks. The character Rouge explains to the secretary at the school that it’s “Rouge, like ‘row’ with a ‘g’ sound at the end.” So something like “rogue.” BUT it’s “like the way the French spells red,” which makes no sense because the French pronounce the color red as “rouge” as in the same way you would for the blush makeup. I honestly have no clue what she/the author meant.
But the author couldn’t stop there. Then her last name was also mispronounced. “Riding” I would assume was pronounced similar to “I’m riding a bike.” Apparently not though. It’s “Rid-ding. So something like when a person rids their home of an infestation. “They’re ridding their house of mice.” BUT it’s “Just spelled like your driving in a car.” What? Again, I have no clue what the author meant. (On a side note, “your” was used instead of “you’re.”) The explanations didn’t make sense to me either way.
I always love reading stories that have female characters (or male’s) who’ve been wearing their hair in a ponytail for hours, take it down, and their hair is perfect aka no dent from the hair tie.
Or when authors think their readers aren’t very smart. There was the part when the reader is told what Rouge’s task is at the bookstore. Either she types in the bar code number and creates the title and background info for the book, or, if there isn’t a bar code number, she just types in the title and background info. Simple. Yet the author goes on to say, “Not as confusing as it sounded.” No, it wasn’t. BUT then goes into more detail as to what this task required her to do as though we couldn’t figure it with the original explanation.
Grace tells Rouge she’s got the perfect scarf for her to wear. What does it look like? No clue. Grace tosses the scarf to Rouge but that was it. There was no mention of her even acknowledging that she got the scarf, what it looked like, that she even put it on. What happened there?
The best line came from Grace when she comments about Rouge’s birthmark: “It looks like some kinda shape.” LOL Everything is a shape. What a strange/stupid thing to say.
Rouge asks a guy where the toilet is. He offers to go with her. “No, I’d rather die.” Why? It’s not like he didn’t know (or so he assumed) she was going to do number one or two.
I really didn’t understand why Rouge was so traumatized about the yellow-eyed creature. She didn’t see it, just the eyes. It didn’t make a move toward or anything. Yet, she’s having panic attacks because of it.
Rouge and Michael are out driving and end up kissing. He then tells her that they need to get back because Grace has been bugging him. There was no mention of him getting on his phone, yet Rouge doesn’t question him at all. Of course she doesn’t.
Or when Michael seems to zero in on Damon when he’s leaving the school even though he doesn’t know Damon, therefore he couldn’t know his scent. Speaking of scent, if he’s part angel or something in that family, why would he have a great sense of smell? Or have great hearing?
Grace had previously mentioned that Michael was older than her by a little and he never let her forget. That had me assuming they were twins without her saying it. Later, Rouge questioning him about his age was strange. Michael has just told her that he’s older, “Why the pretense she’s younger than you?” Why ask that when he just said he was older? Hello?! He confirms he’s older, again, and Rouge’s left thinking they have too many weird secrets. Uh-huh. I’m thinking Rouge doesn’t understand English.
It’s funny that Rouge never asked Michael and his family how they knew about the “mythical” creatures and is clueless as to what Damon meant when he referred to knowing what Michael’s family’s kind was.
Grace gives her a necklace to wear. “I knocked the necklace against the back of the head of Grace.” Well, that wouldn’t have been possible if Grace made it to where the necklace is like a choker. Or “The pendant dropped with a clunk against my chest.” Again, Grace put it on so it fits like a choker. Chokers don’t rest against the chest.
What’s with Rouge always forgetting to breathe?
They get all dressed up for the Halloween party, that Rouge was required to go to for drama class (didn’t get that), but end up leaving right after they arrive. Nice.
They’re heading to the cabin. “That doesn’t sound right at all. We hit a Tim Horton’s.” What does the restaurant have to do with the cabin? Or is a word or two missing here? Either way, nothing more was said about it.
I wasn’t a fan of the time jump. It went from the day after the creature-in-the-woods sighting and talking to Caleb, to school starting, to it being months later on the night of the Halloween party. Don’t be scared of scene breaks.
Rouge guessing and/or insinuating that Michael is part angel, almost right off the bat, was too unbelievable when she’s clueless about everything else.
I don’t understand where the Siorghras came from. Caleb and Sarah already had theirs when they met and exchanged them with each other. Where did Michael and Grace get theirs? Who made all of them? What’s the point of them?
Have I mentioned that Rouge doesn’t seem like a smart girl? Michael already told her that Sarah had found them first, then they met up with Caleb. Yet, Rouge ends up asking Michael if Caleb found him first later on in the story. Or when she wonders how she’s involved right after Michael tells her his family’s secrets aka top-secret info.
If Michael and Grace are “old,” why would they be going to a high school, and/or acting like kids? Wouldn’t it have made more sense (for them specifically since they’ve lived so long) to live as adults?
In the end, I can’t remember the last time I read a book that had such a huge cliffhanger…. Was anything even resolved in this book? No. On a side note, I thought this story was going to be about werewolves, per the cover picture, apparently not.