Stuck On You

by Jasper Bark

Cheating husband Ricardo could never keep it in his pants, and now it’s stuck in the worst possible place.

His Mexican road trip becomes a nightmare straight out of urban legend when he agrees to take the wrong woman back over the border. A bolt of lightning sees him fused to his fellow cheater on a detour into the backwoods. Now he’s fighting wild beasts and raw nature just to stay alive in this dark comedy romance that blends erotic horror with black humour and extreme splatter.

And now... A warning!

Do not buy this book, gentle reader.

No really, we mean it. Move along, click away from this page and go look at some Dino porn instead. We’re not kidding. The only reason we published it is because award winning author Jasper Bark has got some serious dirt on us. Honestly, there’s no other reason to put out something this depraved.

This is the sickest, filthiest and most horny novella you’re likely to read this year. It will turn you on even as it turns your stomach. Think you’ve seen everything there is to see in horror and erotica? Think again! Just when you think this story can’t get any lower it finds new depths to plumb.

Why are you still reading this?! Oh God you’re going to buy it aren’t you? You can’t help yourself. You’re going to click on that purchase button and download this little bad boy.

Well don’t say we didn’t warn you...

But, if you do enjoy Stuck On You, be sure to pick up Jasper’s Stuck On You, and Other Prime Cuts collection, as well.

Genres: Horror, Erotica, Splatterpunk, Contemporary, Adult, Fiction, Humor

42 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 25, 2014

About the author

Jasper Bark finds writing author biographies and talking about himself in the third person faintly embarrassing. Telling you that he’s an award winning author of four cult novels including the highly acclaimed ‘Way of the Barefoot Zombie’, just sounds like boasting. Then he has to mention that he’s written 12 children’s books and hundreds of comics and graphic novels and he wants to just curl up. He cringes when he has to reveal that his work has been translated into nine different languages and is used in schools throughout the UK to help improve literacy, or that he was awarded the This Is Horror Award for his last anthology ‘Dead Air’. Maybe he’s too British, or maybe he just needs a good enema, but he’s glad this bio is now over.

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

So this was an interesting read. I enjoyed the story and got into it pretty quickly, but didn’t realize just how short it was. The book is clocked in at 69 pages, but half of it is an extended afterword and several long excerpts from some of the author’s other works. So the story itself is only about 30 pages, and I really felt like it was cut off way too soon. I wanted to just see a little more about Ricardo and his adventure with Consuela. Not necessarily a full novel, but maybe a few more chapters. Beyond that, the very short story was unique, entertaining, and icky. It had an overly detailed sex scene, which I read and kept thinking, for such a quick read, this is kind of drawn out. It’s a shame more of that effort wasn’t placed into other areas of the plot, ie Consuela’s mystery contact and Ellen. But again, I did enjoy this overall, but just wished there was more to it.

[Misty Marie Harms · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my. Ricardo, the cheating husband, was struck by lightning in the middle of his dirty deeds. He deserved everything he got. I laughed my way through this story. The ending was perfect.

😹😹😹😹

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was one Twisted Crazy Ass Reading Romp!

A very small backstory as this was a short read:

Ricardo picks up a hitchhiker lady who tells him that she is more or less smuggling "something" across the border, but then one thing leads to another with Ricardo ending up in an interesting painful situation.

Thoughts:

That is about all I can give without spoilers, but this was one nutso extreme story that did have some gag reflexes which I have read worst, but still......lol....it was a wild freaking ride! Giving this book four "Gag-A-Maggot" stars!

For more thoughts on this review, please see my blog:
https://booknookretreat.blogspot.com/...

[Janie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book that I have read by Jasper Bark, and it will not be my last. From the very beginning of this erotic and gore-soaked survival story, I was rooting for the main character to escape his painful (and embarrassing) situation. Yes, the character was somewhat unsavory, but I felt his fear and severe discomfort. If you have not read Stuck On You yet and you love graphic horror, give it a try. I don't think you will be disappointed.

[Simon McHardy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A masterfully executed novella that keeps you hooked and guessing until the last page....Like some dark humour with your gore and sex? Check out this gem.

'It wasn’t a strange number on his cellphone or unexplained scratches on his back. He had the charred and mauled corpse of a one night stand stuck to his body.'

[Karés · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 That's what you get for not keeping your *#%k in your pants!!! Stars

This read was deeply disturbing-->




it's about a guy named Ricardo. who happens to go to Mexico because his girlfriend asked him to pick up some trinketry items for her business!
Now on the way back. Ricardo notices a "Hot Stuff" chick named Consuela
The girl on the cover!!
who was standing by his car. she was contraband some illegal stuff and needed someone to drop her off. in return for the "free" ride. Consuela
would give free rides as well (use your dirty mind!) that ride was so HOT that ended up STICKING!!!!

Stuck on you.

was one of those reads were you want to laugh, and cry at the same time! not because of how sweet it was! NO. because how fucked up the situation was in a funny way for these characters!!


Do Not Read If you have a weak stomach. or you ate anything before reading this! OR if you're not into some twisted stories then
gladly i suggest you to KEEP AWAY

[Brad Tierney · Rating 5 out of 5]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? Okay... You guys know how you feel when a friend of yours gets hooked up with a huge 8-baller of meth and asks if you are ready to do a “gagger” and you’re like “Fuck yes!” and he leaves the room to chop em’ up and when he calls you back to the room, there is a line of crank sitting there over a foot long and about a quarter inch deep, and you’re like thinking to yourself “oh my fuck, if I do that whole thing I’m gonna fucking DIE”, and then you laugh and do the whole thing anyway, and 10 minutes later you’re going 666 miles per hour and all of YOUR FUCKING THOUGHTS ARE SCREAMING IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS FOR 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW OMFGGGGGG”? You know that feeling, right?
Well friends, that’s exactly what Jasper did to me last night, only instead of methamphetamine, he cut me a gagger of horror fiction that almost fucking killed me.
It absolutely RULED. I want MORE! You’ve never read a tale like this. Trust me. Jesus Christ almighty it was EPIC.
Buy it, read it, get hooked with me. We can be Jasper Junkies together!
5/5 Skulls ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[Stuart Keane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I made the decision to read this during a lunch break. That's right, I read this whilst eating a donut and some scampi fries, despite the warning of the reviews and the book itself. I have a strong stomach so even though I didn't chuck my guts up, I read the book in one sitting. I'm proud I didn't puke though, the story is anything but savoury.

However, I wasn't disappointed. And I wasn't put off.

First of, the book is a novella/novelette. Simple story, beginning, middle and end. Not to ruin the plot but it's a survival horror about a guy called Ricardo who, whilst procuring goods for his home business in Mexico, meets a 'mule', Consuela. She promises him a carnal reward for transporting her over the Mexican border. Enticed, he decides to go along for the ride...literally. Simple, yes? Everything is...until they are struck by a lightening strike mid-coitus.

And that's it. The story is about Ricardo and how he manages to get out of this horrid, yet humorous situation. The story is sick, depraved, sexy, disgusting and, at times, hilarious. For those with a dark sense of humour, this is right up your alley. Love a bit of gore? Join in. For those of a nervous disposition, be warned, this isn't your average horror book.

Intentional or not, the story ponders on the tones of betrayal, cheating and unprotected sex. These aren't instantly present but as you fly through the story, you cant help thinking "I never want to cheat on my wife/partner after this." Not that I would...but any man worth his salt would have second thoughts about it after reading this. But that's just my observation. Intentional or not, it lends the story some sympathy amongst the bloodshed.

Bark is a new name in horror. True, I only heard of him a few days ago. On this evidence though, he could be a force to be reckoned with. What would Bark do with a full length book? I would love to find out. 5*'s for making me finish in one sitting, even stopping mid-Laymon to read this book.

I first spotted this book based on it's Amazon reputation. On this evidence, the reputation is deserved. A gripping read!

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow erm what the hell do I say here?

I thought nothing would turn my stomach and I've read some crazy stuff in the past but this...what the hell was this lol

I'm giving it for stars for the story, the way it was written and the authors completely screwed up imagination. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I didn't like it I'm saying I have no clue what so ever what I think other than sick. Do not read this if you have a weak stomach (or had pork in the last oh I dunno 6 months).

now excuse me I need a hot shower and a bath and another shower and to throw up.....then I think I'll go read a mills and boon and have a shower

[D.J. Doyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great story with some stomach-churning parts I did not expect. A man takes a hitchhiker along for the ride, and after a quick stop at a forest, he finds himself stuck there! How? You'll have to read to find out. Bark's descriptions had me biting my bottom lip, and not always to hold in the vomit ;-)
The ending was a nice little twist. Recommended for those who enjoy being turned on and off as quickly as a light switch. Ha!

[Nat Whiston · Rating 5 out of 5]

So how do I start this review, well I think the best way would be by sharing my favourite quote from the story.
"Darling, you won’t believe this, but I was attacked by a Latino forest zombie and the only way to subdue it was to stab it with my cock. Then, and here’s the funny thing, it just melted and now it’s stuck to me.”
Yes, you did read that correctly, that is a line from this bizarre, hilarious and messed-up story by Jasper Bark. I have heard many things about Jasper, mostly from his biggest fan, Ryder. But I have to admit she was not exaggerating the slightest, the story starts grim and gritty where you are not quite sure at first. But what I love about Jaspers' unique style is the first 4 chapters. He ends all four on cliffhangers, short, quick, and alluring so the readers like and then? Oh ok, that is good now what? So you are constantly on edge throughout the story. I mean this guy is stuck inside another person Dick first, and the other person is dead. I needed a moment a couple of times to stop myself from laughing, at one point I popped my dressing. So that was an achievement in itself, I mean, an adulterous man gets what he deserves in terms of karma but in the most fked up and creative way. 
There were a couple of parts where even I went ok I needed five minutes to process that rancid gross-out. This is rare for me as I've read Billy Silver. But yeah Jasper is creative with his torture but also knows how to make you squirm in your seat. Now the ending, I can not even. I mean I still haven't processed it completely but the mind that this author has to come up with something like well, that. Honestly, I am a little impressed and terrified.
The moral of the story is don't cheat on your missus in a forest unless you wanna be struck by lightning. Then you have to explain how that naked dead bitch is melted to your body like chocolate burnt to the bottom of a pan.

[JaHy☝Hold the Fairy Dust · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 "THAT'S NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN" STARS

This book is definitely different and not for the squeamish. Shat, I'm not squeamish and yet one scene fucked up my stomach.



Stuck On You is about a shitty boyfriend named Ricardo. Said douchenugget can't seem to keep his prick to himself, which we all know can only lead to trouble. Ricardo agrees to travel to Mexico so he can pick up some trinkets for his girlfriends business. On the way back from his shopping excursion he meets a nice piece of butt <-- his words, not mine . Consuela aka" nice butt" is smuggling a few illegal items in..... you guessed it, her stomach. ( How or why people agree to this is beyond me. I guess I value my life too much ) Consuela needs a lift to her drop off point. In exchange for a ride in Ricardo's car, she'll ride his cock as well ( told you he's a shitty boyfriend) and lets just say Consuela is a ride and die type chick ....
... ENJOY !
For more reviews, Free E-books and Giveaways

[Duncan Ralston · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a review of STUCK ON YOU and OTHER PRIME CUTS. A virtually perfect collection of short stories. Many of these reminded me of the best of Harlan Ellison, widely considered one of the greatest writers of short stories. It contains my first foray into the "weird West" subgenre, a bizarre premise written with such straight-faced conviction it's impossible not to be pulled along by the sheer force of Bark's will. Highly recommended.

[Lee Franklin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastically Horrible

Wow, just so many wows and WTF.
Seriously messed up. I didn't know whether to laugh, shudder, cry or puke. Excellent fun.

[River Dixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really solid story. Strong narration, believable characters thrust into an unbelievable situation. The twist at the end is what put this over the top.

[Andrew Lennon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was disgusting! I made the mistake of reading it before bed and now I will see that stuff in my dreams!
Really enjoyed this. I liked the writing style. I liked the quick chapters it felt like I flew through the book.
It's a quick read, only took an hour. Well worth checking out!

All reviews can be found at http://lennonslair.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

[destiny ♡ howling libraries · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stuck On You is a gross, quick little story about an affair gone very wrong — or, to be fair, maybe very right? It's quite an effective parable! Ricardo's wife sends him off on a trip to collect "souvenirs" to resell, and while he's gone, he picks up a hitchhiker offering an alluring payment. Things go very badly for Ricardo, though, and he learns a valuable lesson. This is a very short, steamy, and fairly disgusting read that I had a lot of fun reading, and I'm definitely interesting in checking out more of Jasper Bark's writing in the future. My only complaint is that I wish it had been longer and that we could have explored a certain theme (the possibility of Ricardo having been affected by some sort of curse of his wife's doing) a bit further!

✨ Content warnings for: infidelity, death, mutilation, cannibalism, racism, mentions of drugs and drug smuggling

———
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[Angel Gelique · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, what a story! It was a bit confusing at first and I really had no clue what was going on. However, it's just the author's way of getting us to experience how the main character, Ricardo, is feeling. He wakes up in great pain, badly injured and slowly begins to remember what happened to him.

Readers quickly learn that Ricardo is a cheating scumbag and his latest extramarital affair is not going as planned. And this time, he's pretty sure his wife, Ellen, will find out. What could he possible say to make things better?

"Darling, you won't believe this but I was attacked by a Latino forest zombie and the only way to subdue it was to stab it with my--"

Ricardo knows that would work just as well for him as what this guy thought to say to his girlfriend.



Ricardo gets no sympathy from me at all. I think he got exactly what he deserved in this sick, twisted little tale. The story is well-written, engrossing and has the most satisfying ending!

[Mounkey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was not what i was expecting. What a new and creative story for sure for the category. Character development is a little thin, but the book is really short. The story is whacked out! I found myself laughing at the main character with his "situation". Good gruesomeness! Some twists and unexpected turns where i thought the book was going somewhere else. Seems as if Jasper rushed the end as it does just drop off fast! I wanted so much more. The creative story line did hook me, so I'm interested in reading more from Jasper.

[Russell Holbrook · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first started getting into extreme horror, along with Jonathan Janz's Night Terrors, this is one of the very first books I read. It's so disgusting and so hilarious and so weird. I loved every word of it! If you are new to this world of crazed and demented fiction, I feel that this is a great introduction. It was for me at least. I remeber telling my coworkers about it. I just couldn't get over it. Ah, the sweet, simple days of 2014! Anyway...

Watch out, lightning does strike, and sometimes in the worst places!

[Sea Caummisar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed! I cried! I gagged! Okay, only two of those things are true, and I guess you would have to read this book to find out which one it is.
First of all, this is an urban legend that I have never heard of in my life. I've heard of dogs getting 'stuck',, but never people. Maybe I need to get out more so I can become what my Mother calls 'worldy'. Lol. I enjoyed this book much more than I should have. Maybe my adult card will be revoked

[DA · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first read by Jasper Bark and it was so good. The ending was not how I thought this book would go and it made me smile.

This book isn't the most gruesome thing I've ever read but man I'm glad this wasn't me. lol Poor Ricardo made some bad decisions that landed him in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was awesome. Very graphic tale with a really good original premise and that ending was fantastic. I will be reading more of his work.

[Ryder Kinlay · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I am your number one fan!” Annie Wilkes, Misery.

From the day I first met Jasper Bark on Facebook, I was enthralled, captivated, and chuckled at length over his craziness. If you've had dealings with this author you would know that he's absolutely crazy, super smart, very talented and a true gentleman. I am his self appointed Annie Wilkes. I want to do demented and wicked things to him that I can't repeat here - and make him write for my own private pleasure. Apologies to his wife and children (and his hordes of fans), but he's my Paul Sheldon. He's MINE.

Now, I've just finished the first three stories of Stuck on You & other Prime Cuts. And yep, I loved it. Did you hear me, everybody? I LOVED IT!!

Jasper is a genius and draws you in completely to the story he tells. His grasp of the English language, originality, and seemingly boundless knowledge on history, economics, and shit of course doing obscene things, is mental.

I loved the main story Stuck on You. It opened with a bang, kept its pace, and delivers a very unexpected twist at the end. Splash in necrophilia, cannibalism and a lightning bolt fusing two bodies together and you'll get where I'm heading.

The second story is quick, brutal and fun. If you ever want an idea for a long, drawn-out, clever and nasty revenge on someone, then read it.

The next one, the third, I really enjoyed. It was super clever sending an economic adviser to Hell and he turns it upside down.

If you have not yet read Jasper's stuff, do yourself a favour and rectify that now! I promise I'll play nice and share.

Five solid stars. And yes, that's without reading the rest - I'll savour those privately morsel by morsel. I'm selfish like that.

[Celeste · Rating 2 out of 5]

The blurb was a warning....
The review's were a warning...

Yet I still read this book.



My review is going to be a warning...

Do you like; sick, disturbing, violated genitalia, gory erotica necrophilia than this book is for you. I almost puked during one chapter in this book and saying the word puked brings back disturbing memories of that chapter.

Jasper Bark you have a disturbing-dark-sense of humor! I don't know what you had on your publisher but it must have been something good.

I am doing a reading challenge called 12 Months of Halloween, one of the categoreis is called face your fears and that is what I am putting this book under because I sure as hell do not want, what happened to Consuela and Ric to happen to me!




I used to think bears were cute...not anymore.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you think the worst thing that can happen when you cheat is getting caught..think again!

That ending, whew!
Need to go watch some cute kitten videos now. lol Highly recommend this short!
Will definitely be following the author and reading more titles in the future.

[SUSAN · Rating 4 out of 5]

***WARNING*** chock full o' spoilers
so PLEASE consider reading this story before reading my review if you have not already

Herewith I attempt to review in rhyme,
The words I read born from a mind
Verily addled with chill mist and dark vapour,
As your eyes a-thrill begin to taper...

Somewhat apprehensive to read the Barking,
Of a friend who scares readily thru snarking
Of life and writings, times and trouble,
of drinks and dreams that halve or double.

Admonishments like You are Not Ready!
Warnings like Not for the Unsteady!
Will there really be shock and awe?
Read on, fellow reviewers, for the spillage of my craw.

The story harkens Stuck on You,
And the casual reader may smirk on that
Just how literal is this reading debut,
For which my wallet is US$4 less fat?

I am a Kindle reader, disparate sigh
Fellow horror lovers, please do not sneer
I run amok and read on the fly
And displaying shocking covers I need not fear!

Back to the tale of Ricardo the lover
Attached to Consuela, secretive to the core.
And quickly I begin to discover
The setting is grim, but wait... there's more!

Nothing starts a reunion like some spew
And painful, ungainly crotched-y woes,
Upon a corpse that our character who
Deposited some seed while in the throes.

Of inflamed passion did this joining
Result in death quite alarming.
This cock-holed persistent groining
Can't possible ensue without further harming.

Lost consciousness is a mercy spent,
Too soon recovery begins anew.
Memory a flash that was hell-bound yet heaven-sent
Oh the Taming of this Screw!

Bites of passion, bites of fright,
Asses a-burnt, asses a-light.
It's all the same when sex rules the night,
Oh the horrors we'd avert if we'd the foresight.

Ricardo fumes with (im)potent rage,
How dare she entrap him in such this setting!
Punching the upturned eyes without age
Lust laughs heartily over its aiding and abetting

Blame it on the wife who wanted to trade
Artisanal crafts from Mexico to the states.
It was her wrath he was trying to evade
When she found out he'd slept around on dates.

Do her bidding, and no more bedding;
He felt better, the guilt had gnawed.
The old Ricardo he was shedding,
Simply buy the trinkets, return from abroad.

The car was packed ready like a cheater will do,
Wares hidden from Customs in hidden bins.
He was set to return home, his checklist through
Haggling, drinking and nudie bars... light sins.

But HO! A woman approacheth in the alley towards the fool,
Not a ten but a tickle.
He considers giving her a ride (could she be a drug mule?).
He plays with the idea, he can be fickle

Fate sees them ride off to the Border,
Her skin displayed on the leather upholstered seat.
He feels he has gotten a bargain in this order,
He feels his power, she must remain sweet.

Customs only gave a cursory glance,
She pretended them to be a horny couple.
Thus begins the deadly dance
That would see their woes quintuple.

Back in the present (not much of a gift),
A black bear has found the scent.
For once Ricardo is too scared to be miffed,
Consuela, the bear-buffet, continues to torment.

Naked arse to the ground, Ricardo prays for sleep;
Consuela is on top, death and rigor hold her lover's member tight.
A bolt of lightning timely struck, fused them while he was deep
In flagrante de-LICK-to, to the bear's current delight.

But to the past we lean back
To learn how this occurred.
A detour led them off track
And to consensual sex was he easily lured.

Hot and heavy I can claim
the description of their lust-making!
Wanton abandon is given name,
Handsomely detailed acts that left both shaking

But Nature decided to join the fray,
And the beasts with the two backs blacked out.
When hit with a lightning bolt sent their way,
They (e)merged as the unluckiest of travellers, without a doubt.

Why doesn't he just get up and run?
You ask and wonder at the extent of the pain.
Was it worth the seedy fun
And his years of legerdemain?

Oh he tries to remove himself from the merge,
But it cannot happen as they are fused.
He can only slowly drag them, this self-preservation urge
Are his past choices now mentally abused?

Details emerge as he makes his way,
Consuela's shredded face shows a lack of dental care.
A charred and mauled corpse is not easily explained away
Attached to his member and body so grossly bare!

Shall I reveal the part involving urine,
or should I be a tease and your interest allay?
I can probably safely say it's not a place you've been
though with my Books of Horror group who can really say?

Tis natural, we laugh, we cry at what doth occur.
Sometimes it spills out at the same time
When a man relieves himself in a her.
Oh Reader, how have you fared chancing upon this rhyme?

The effort is exhausting, to trek across the grounds
dragging a body inch by inch so slow
Once desirable, now ruptured seared flesh these mounds,
And that hungry does grow.

It's been a day since he's last eaten and now he's seen
his upchuck had left some bits near her neck!
Ground pork, sweetcorn and a kidney bean
It's fine, he's eaten it before. OH FECK.

Sweet Reader I must confess at this point,
I had a bit of trouble with my throat.
My intestines seems a bit out of joint,
That damnable Jasper Bark had finally gotten my goat.

But Ricardo is not one to end
his hungers from appearing.
Those petty bits won't his hunger mend,
It's time to look at the abundant flesh a-peeling.

Oh yes, he goes there and really it's about his will to survive
at least I think it is my brain reels.
What would YOU DO to survive?
What criticism have I for people's meals?

At what point does the rigor mortis end?
Her body is harder to move,
Upon her face, verbally his anger he will spend.
What trails behind in their forested groove?

But the road has appeared! The gravel is underneath!
But where along this stretch is his car?
Her body fights against his will, foul gasses burble underneath its sheath.
The way to the vehicle - it cannot be too far.

Cursing against the stinking corpse he treks
Across unforgiving asphalt and road shoulder.
Smelling her rot, lives turned to wrecks;
His ungainly and agonizingly slow shifting with every encountered boulder.

The acrobatics just to reach
the car's door handles is quite a feat.
It involves a bit of fleshy breach
And disturbing views on conjoined meat.

Laughable that his cardkey was left behind
And he cannot open the car door!
But his mind does not fully unwind
As he grabs a rock off from the floor.

There is more sympathy for his beloved car
than for the wife whom he readily betrays.
Have we come to the end of this tale bizarre
Will he be saved and mend his ways?

The beast manages to open the glove box quickly.
But again his hopes are dashed,
His smart phone is dead, he realizes sickly.
The only way to start the car lays back where the lightning crashed.

But soft, what light in the wheel well doth break?
It is hope, in the shape of Consuela's phone.
But to only one number does the phone call make...
So he texts with what he hopes is Consuela's tone.

Assuming it's a burner phone
and he's talking to a gang member / drug runner.
He texts for help and reads in a chilling tone
The anger of the handler who wants to find and gun her.

He texts a plea for an ambulance to come
Concerned the handler shows no pity.
The reply, "bitch you be dumb..."
This tale loves to keep it gritty.

Turns out Consuela WAS smuggling something in her bod
And it was the reason she needed to cross the border.
Except it wasn't typical drugs, this was more odd
And probably proved to be too tempting a monetary order.

Ricardo opens up her mouth to pull on a piece of twine
Pulling it reveals an empty bag coming up from her gizzard.
Their burnt conjoined flesh did combine
To be a tasty birthing place of a very hungry monitor lizard.

++++++++
Well there's my review. I hope you enjoyed it.
I wanted to somehow add these lines but they didn't fit but it makes me laaaaaaaugh.

The comic view of pelvic bumping
and scrabbling the earth for purchase

I'll have to figure out a rhyme for that later. XD

[Corrina Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great!!

If you grimace through pretty much the whole book, then its a great book in my opinion. And this book definitely did that. Horrific and gory. This is my first Jasper Bark, but it wont be my last.

[Matthew Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I had a rough idea what this story would be about from the title and the cover pic, it wasn’t *that*

I blasted through this in two sittings (would have been one if not for damn commitments) and thoroughly enjoyed every moment.

Sick, entertaining and very clever.

[Gareth Is Haunted · Rating 2 out of 5]

A strange and possibly messed up read.
This simple and very short story didn't really appeal to me.
Crazy concept though.