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The Memory of My Shadow
In 2052, from self-imposed exile at her compound in the mountains of North Carolina, Magdalena, genius founder of a big tech company that pioneered a device for telepathic communication with AI is obsessed with a new project of mapping human personalities to AI companions.
Driven by grief to decode the mind of her twin brother who was the shooter in the deadliest school massacre in American history when they were sixteen, she sets out to resurrect his consciousness, not knowing that she will unleash a malevolent force that could destroy her in its quest for full autonomy.
THE MEMORY OF MY SHADOW is an emotional thrill-ride through the intersection of technology and human consciousness exploring the origins of violence, and the price it exacts from those in its wake. The story unfolds through the eyes of a boundary-breaking woman at her breaking point as she exposes the wiring of the human brain and its complicated connection to the heart.
Driven by grief to decode the mind of her twin brother who was the shooter in the deadliest school massacre in American history when they were sixteen, she sets out to resurrect his consciousness, not knowing that she will unleash a malevolent force that could destroy her in its quest for full autonomy.
THE MEMORY OF MY SHADOW is an emotional thrill-ride through the intersection of technology and human consciousness exploring the origins of violence, and the price it exacts from those in its wake. The story unfolds through the eyes of a boundary-breaking woman at her breaking point as she exposes the wiring of the human brain and its complicated connection to the heart.
267 pages, Paperback
Published August 1, 2024
9 people want to read
About the author
Ben Wakeman
2 books6 followersBen Wakeman is an independent novelist and singer-songwriter who has worked in digital technology for more than 25 years. Early in his creative career, his focus was music where he shared the stage with artists like John Mayer, Gillian Welch, Collective Soul, and Sugarland. He went on to release five independent albums. In the 2010's Wakeman turned his focus to writing fiction and published his debut novel REWIND PLAYBACK in 2014.
His second novel, THE MEMORY OF MY SHADOW was published in August 2024. The book was first released as a serial on his Substack publication, Catch & Release where he has since released a third novel HARMONY HOUSE in the same manor and is currently publishing a fourth serial novel titled DEPARTURES. Wakeman is a gifted narrator and provides audio narration for all his books.
He lives and works in Atlanta, Georgia. You can follow all his writing and creative projects by subscribing for free to his publication at www.catchrelease.net.
His second novel, THE MEMORY OF MY SHADOW was published in August 2024. The book was first released as a serial on his Substack publication, Catch & Release where he has since released a third novel HARMONY HOUSE in the same manor and is currently publishing a fourth serial novel titled DEPARTURES. Wakeman is a gifted narrator and provides audio narration for all his books.
He lives and works in Atlanta, Georgia. You can follow all his writing and creative projects by subscribing for free to his publication at www.catchrelease.net.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
September 12, 2024
Hands down, one of the most devastating opening scenes I've ever read. I loved this book, it's a wonderful mixture of psychological dread and near-future AI dystopia. Complex themes of survivor guilt, both sides of the hope/despair coin, and what to do when your ether-baby runs amok.
October 11, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed this novel. Its a well crafted speculative psychological sci fi thriller - and that has to be a good thing!
I find I am increasingly "did not finish" with books these days - no such problem with this one. It is difficult to explain what is good and why it is good (and what I thought was not as good as I wanted it to be) - without giving spoilers, so I will stick to a more general positive vibe only because I think this book will most definitely be enjoyed by anyone that enjoys intelligent, thought provoking fiction and I hope more people get to read it. Things on my personal list of likes are exactly that - personal - and if all books were just filled with ghoulish horror and world shattering disaster then that would grow very tiresome (except for me.) - spoiler alert - this is not a gristly horror story filled with earth shattering disaster, but it does not disappoint so do not be put off.
The opening scenes create a sense of foreboding darkness that underlies the slow burning chapters that follow. The tension builds slowly, but it carried me along. The science is bang up to date and does not over-fill the story - its plausible - you can feel this world is not far away from us and you find yourself wondering what is going to happen almost right to the end. There's psychology, emotional turmoil, sinister dread, even some well managed eroticism which I suspect was one of the hardest parts of the story to get right. There is a small cast of characters which are easy to keep track of and the dialogue is well done - you can believe in them - in particular I felt the delightful Henri Choo and the artifical intelligence were really well written - I know that this is not easy.
One of the most satisfying aspects of the whole novel for me is that once you get to the end, you realise how good the title is and I bet that took ages to get just right too! Hats off to Mr Wakeman - its a very inspiring piece of work and I hope to read more from him soon.
I find I am increasingly "did not finish" with books these days - no such problem with this one. It is difficult to explain what is good and why it is good (and what I thought was not as good as I wanted it to be) - without giving spoilers, so I will stick to a more general positive vibe only because I think this book will most definitely be enjoyed by anyone that enjoys intelligent, thought provoking fiction and I hope more people get to read it. Things on my personal list of likes are exactly that - personal - and if all books were just filled with ghoulish horror and world shattering disaster then that would grow very tiresome (except for me.) - spoiler alert - this is not a gristly horror story filled with earth shattering disaster, but it does not disappoint so do not be put off.
The opening scenes create a sense of foreboding darkness that underlies the slow burning chapters that follow. The tension builds slowly, but it carried me along. The science is bang up to date and does not over-fill the story - its plausible - you can feel this world is not far away from us and you find yourself wondering what is going to happen almost right to the end. There's psychology, emotional turmoil, sinister dread, even some well managed eroticism which I suspect was one of the hardest parts of the story to get right. There is a small cast of characters which are easy to keep track of and the dialogue is well done - you can believe in them - in particular I felt the delightful Henri Choo and the artifical intelligence were really well written - I know that this is not easy.
One of the most satisfying aspects of the whole novel for me is that once you get to the end, you realise how good the title is and I bet that took ages to get just right too! Hats off to Mr Wakeman - its a very inspiring piece of work and I hope to read more from him soon.
October 3, 2025
While there a number of ways this book could be described, I think "good old-fashioned page turner" is most apt. I think this is the case notwithstanding the fact that the book is anything but old-fashioned. The plot is born out of the AI world in which we are only beginning to live, but what makes the book work for me is the development of the principal characters. While Ben Wakeman takes us on a fantastic journey in this book and asks that we take a few leaps of faith with him (as does any good work of science fiction), we are willing to follow him on that journey because he has created sufficiently compelling characters to pull us along. A very fun read.
December 31, 2024
In "The Memory of My Shadow" Ben Wakeman weaves a deeply engaging story full of philosophical questions and emotional depth. This is a story that wrestles with some of the biggest problems we face in modern society and attempts to speak into them with empathy and reason. A delicate balance that Ben walks flawlessly.
March 3, 2025
I listened to this book, and the author, Ben Wakeman, does an amazing job giving life to all these characters, not only in words, but also in voice. It was written before AI was as commonplace as it is now. The story went in a different direction than I expected and it has plenty of heart-pumping action at its climax. Well done. I’ll never hear the word “nib” again without thinking of this novel.
August 27, 2024
I’m a bit in awe of this book, and of Ben’s talent. He makes it look easy. He’s very good at voices, both on the page and in his audio version. He can do light Chinese or Scottish or faintly British accents. (His French, not so much?) But beyond that, he puts real feeling into it, both written and recorded. The emotional charge in this story adds an authenticity to the fantastic premise that has me believing it could happen.
The plot is intricate and propulsive. The premise is creative and clever, with the highest possible life-or-death stakes—both personal and global. The characters are human, flawed, damaged, and relatable. Settings are well detailed, and both reflect and augment characters’ personalities and events. The psychological layers are intricate, fascinating, well-drawn, and believable.
The world building is seamless and unfolds in a nice variety of ways, as often through character interactions as through the narrator’s exposition. The character of Evan, a newbie to Maggie’s world, is an effective foil to ask the questions that the reader would ask. And he plays a critical role—standing in for humanity to care for people and take actions that do credit to our species.
This novel has me thinking about the exquisite, vulnerable, resilient, miraculous, awkward, amazing human body. There are so many moments where the somatic reality of the characters jumps off the page, often in contrast to the cold, superior calculation of the AI nemesis. We witness a character’s appreciation of their body orr wry annoyance with its biological necessities.
This attention is especially meaningful to me, as someone who barely knew I had a body until well into adulthood. I’ve spent years following a meditative message that my body is the key to my becoming, learning how to be in my body, to allow and even embrace my emotions. Eventually, I recognized that my personal disconnection stems from and operates on a societal level—with dire consequences for our communities and the planet.
We are animals with a big brain. We have powerful technology. Both of those realities are intertwined in brilliant, surprising, maddening, astonishing, thrilling ways in this story.
If I were to do a close read of a chapter, to try and understand the magic behind this novel’s effectiveness, I would choose the scene-within-a-scene in chapter 30, when Maggie and Evan sit by a fire on their camping trip. She tells him about a time her mother took Maggie, all of 7 years old, far out into the desert. Both settings are exquisitely described—the campsite and the desert. Maggie’s emotional connection to Ethan heightens the effect of her story: the fear she felt out in the vast desert and the profound peace she was able to access with her mother’s guidance.
“What I thought was nothing was actually everything. ‘Everything and nothing,’ that’s the phrase she used. I remember she stood up and with her finger, drew a circle in the sand around us and then sat back down. I remember she talked about how the ancients devised the symbol of zero as simply a way to draw a circle around the emptiness, a way to refer to what could not be comprehended or quantified.”
It's the one glimpse of Maggie’s mother we are given besides the simple reporting of her tragic end following a the traumatic incident that has driven Maggie’s life. It’s well-placed and enough. The scene deftly marries a heady philosophical concept with the earthy somatic experience of presence. Attunement as an antidote to the tricks our thinking mind can play on us. Considering it now, it feels like the heart of the story, a microcosm of the whole.
The scene tells us more about Maggie, helps us to see her through Evan’s eyes, and expands on an important theme: the age-old tension between reason and emotion. The rhythm and flow of the scene echoes that tension: their conversation wanders from that eccentric memory into darker territory and then back to lightness with touch of humor.
I picture Ben enjoying creating this story: enjoying the idea, enjoying the time spent nurturing it, enjoying the writing and the editing, and definitely enjoying the recording of the audio. This may all be projection, but this reader thoroughly enjoyed my immersion into this world.
The plot is intricate and propulsive. The premise is creative and clever, with the highest possible life-or-death stakes—both personal and global. The characters are human, flawed, damaged, and relatable. Settings are well detailed, and both reflect and augment characters’ personalities and events. The psychological layers are intricate, fascinating, well-drawn, and believable.
The world building is seamless and unfolds in a nice variety of ways, as often through character interactions as through the narrator’s exposition. The character of Evan, a newbie to Maggie’s world, is an effective foil to ask the questions that the reader would ask. And he plays a critical role—standing in for humanity to care for people and take actions that do credit to our species.
This novel has me thinking about the exquisite, vulnerable, resilient, miraculous, awkward, amazing human body. There are so many moments where the somatic reality of the characters jumps off the page, often in contrast to the cold, superior calculation of the AI nemesis. We witness a character’s appreciation of their body orr wry annoyance with its biological necessities.
This attention is especially meaningful to me, as someone who barely knew I had a body until well into adulthood. I’ve spent years following a meditative message that my body is the key to my becoming, learning how to be in my body, to allow and even embrace my emotions. Eventually, I recognized that my personal disconnection stems from and operates on a societal level—with dire consequences for our communities and the planet.
We are animals with a big brain. We have powerful technology. Both of those realities are intertwined in brilliant, surprising, maddening, astonishing, thrilling ways in this story.
If I were to do a close read of a chapter, to try and understand the magic behind this novel’s effectiveness, I would choose the scene-within-a-scene in chapter 30, when Maggie and Evan sit by a fire on their camping trip. She tells him about a time her mother took Maggie, all of 7 years old, far out into the desert. Both settings are exquisitely described—the campsite and the desert. Maggie’s emotional connection to Ethan heightens the effect of her story: the fear she felt out in the vast desert and the profound peace she was able to access with her mother’s guidance.
“What I thought was nothing was actually everything. ‘Everything and nothing,’ that’s the phrase she used. I remember she stood up and with her finger, drew a circle in the sand around us and then sat back down. I remember she talked about how the ancients devised the symbol of zero as simply a way to draw a circle around the emptiness, a way to refer to what could not be comprehended or quantified.”
It's the one glimpse of Maggie’s mother we are given besides the simple reporting of her tragic end following a the traumatic incident that has driven Maggie’s life. It’s well-placed and enough. The scene deftly marries a heady philosophical concept with the earthy somatic experience of presence. Attunement as an antidote to the tricks our thinking mind can play on us. Considering it now, it feels like the heart of the story, a microcosm of the whole.
The scene tells us more about Maggie, helps us to see her through Evan’s eyes, and expands on an important theme: the age-old tension between reason and emotion. The rhythm and flow of the scene echoes that tension: their conversation wanders from that eccentric memory into darker territory and then back to lightness with touch of humor.
I picture Ben enjoying creating this story: enjoying the idea, enjoying the time spent nurturing it, enjoying the writing and the editing, and definitely enjoying the recording of the audio. This may all be projection, but this reader thoroughly enjoyed my immersion into this world.
October 4, 2024
Slow to start, the story had me mostly confused for the first several chapters. I also had a hard time distinguishing between characters. It may have been the male narrator reading a female protagonist. I often had to remind myself that the character was a girl. However, once the "shadow" entered the story, everything began to make sense, for the most part.
Wakeman's writing is strong on subtle foreshadowing that the audio version can't capture. Even the first chapter suggests the direction of the story, but only in a single line. The story opens with a horrific school shooting as seen through the eyes of the shooter's twin sister, Mary. It picks up 26 years later, in 2052, with Mary, now Magdalena, a brilliant computer scientist pursuing the ultimate in AI. Her motives are not clear, and it appears she completed her teen years without significant trauma, something that confused me. How could a 14-year-old girl witness what she did and go on to graduate with honors early from MIT with a double major in computer science and psychology? How was she so well-adjusted that she fielded multiple lucrative job offers upon graduation with only an undergrad degree?
Eventually those questions are answered, but I suspect some readers may give up before it starts to come together. It's ultimately worth pressing forward. More characters enter as the plot develops and Magdalena's story unfolds.
The most significant character (and most interesting) is Dr. Henri Choo, professor at Georgia Tech studying bioelectrical communication between the human brain and advanced "DeepThink" AI. Henri is non-binary, alternating "he" and "she" days and preferring "they" pronouns, something that might have been annoying, but actually just made the character more entertaining and even charming.
The other character driving the story is Meela, Magdalena's "shadow of memory," an embedded AI built of the memories of a friend who had died. The key that makes this speculative fiction work is a harnessing of human kinetic energy to power a personal sentient AI. Magdalena and Henri's dream is to create permanent AI companions that communicate with their hosts in a "pure transmission of ideas." I'm not sure what the practical implications would be for the general population, but that doesn't matter for the storyline here. There's a line in an early chapter that reflects where we are today and where technology will likely take us in the future: "Human beings are still awful to one another. Maybe we're better informed and more entertained, but generally miserable." There is a lot of technical language about AI and interfaces, but that added to the intrigue of "what if" rather than an obstacle.
Chapter four introduces the final essential character, Evan Ware. Evan begins as a "subject" for mind-mapping, the technique by which Magdalena captures personality and empathy to improve the AI. Unlike some current ideas, the "upload" of the human mind is not a factor in this AI, but rather personalities feed into how AI "learns" over time. Magdalena collects data, Meela analyzes it, and over time, they create something more personal than current AI, but not exactly human.
Beyond that requires spoilers, but the slow beginning does make sense by the end of the book.
Wakeman's writing is strong on subtle foreshadowing that the audio version can't capture. Even the first chapter suggests the direction of the story, but only in a single line. The story opens with a horrific school shooting as seen through the eyes of the shooter's twin sister, Mary. It picks up 26 years later, in 2052, with Mary, now Magdalena, a brilliant computer scientist pursuing the ultimate in AI. Her motives are not clear, and it appears she completed her teen years without significant trauma, something that confused me. How could a 14-year-old girl witness what she did and go on to graduate with honors early from MIT with a double major in computer science and psychology? How was she so well-adjusted that she fielded multiple lucrative job offers upon graduation with only an undergrad degree?
Eventually those questions are answered, but I suspect some readers may give up before it starts to come together. It's ultimately worth pressing forward. More characters enter as the plot develops and Magdalena's story unfolds.
The most significant character (and most interesting) is Dr. Henri Choo, professor at Georgia Tech studying bioelectrical communication between the human brain and advanced "DeepThink" AI. Henri is non-binary, alternating "he" and "she" days and preferring "they" pronouns, something that might have been annoying, but actually just made the character more entertaining and even charming.
The other character driving the story is Meela, Magdalena's "shadow of memory," an embedded AI built of the memories of a friend who had died. The key that makes this speculative fiction work is a harnessing of human kinetic energy to power a personal sentient AI. Magdalena and Henri's dream is to create permanent AI companions that communicate with their hosts in a "pure transmission of ideas." I'm not sure what the practical implications would be for the general population, but that doesn't matter for the storyline here. There's a line in an early chapter that reflects where we are today and where technology will likely take us in the future: "Human beings are still awful to one another. Maybe we're better informed and more entertained, but generally miserable." There is a lot of technical language about AI and interfaces, but that added to the intrigue of "what if" rather than an obstacle.
Chapter four introduces the final essential character, Evan Ware. Evan begins as a "subject" for mind-mapping, the technique by which Magdalena captures personality and empathy to improve the AI. Unlike some current ideas, the "upload" of the human mind is not a factor in this AI, but rather personalities feed into how AI "learns" over time. Magdalena collects data, Meela analyzes it, and over time, they create something more personal than current AI, but not exactly human.
Beyond that requires spoilers, but the slow beginning does make sense by the end of the book.
September 6, 2024
A clever, compelling, and beautifully written examination of misguided motivations and unintended consequences.
Gorgeously developed characters, and a story so well conceived and crafted that it's never less than convincing.
For those who prefer audio, or who have never listened to audio novels, the author's own audio narration is brilliant (available on Amazon, Spotify, Audible, and Lulu).
Additional books are available on Ben Wakeman's Substack, and are further evidence of his unique, polished, thought provoking, and highly entertaining writing.
If you like writers such as Lionel Shriver, you'll want to add Ben Wakeman to your reading list.
Gorgeously developed characters, and a story so well conceived and crafted that it's never less than convincing.
For those who prefer audio, or who have never listened to audio novels, the author's own audio narration is brilliant (available on Amazon, Spotify, Audible, and Lulu).
Additional books are available on Ben Wakeman's Substack, and are further evidence of his unique, polished, thought provoking, and highly entertaining writing.
If you like writers such as Lionel Shriver, you'll want to add Ben Wakeman to your reading list.
September 6, 2024
Memory of My Shadow is a tale for our times! Ben's story is a gripping tale of technological advancement, human emotion and the perfectly flawed code of sentient beings that redeem us in the end. It is a stunning example of human fallibility/vulnerability and how it interfaces with technology.
Reading this novel, I was bowled over by the detailed, plausible universe Ben builds and the philosophical implications that flourish within it. It is a masterful allegory about love as the penultimate code, one that predates understanding and complexity, and how it intuits what is most needed to save us.
Reading this novel, I was bowled over by the detailed, plausible universe Ben builds and the philosophical implications that flourish within it. It is a masterful allegory about love as the penultimate code, one that predates understanding and complexity, and how it intuits what is most needed to save us.
November 23, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the audio version of this book! Ben’s talent for voices is fantastic and it’s a perfect subject for listening to voices in your ear. An engaging storyline and rich characters, with lots to think about for our tech-dependent world.
September 6, 2024
A page-turning story, a book of its time, perfect for this brave new world of AI, Wakeman explores the complex issues of heart, mind and technology with deftness and bravery. Highly recommend.
July 31, 2025
Phenomenal! A wild ride, touching the core of grief and love. The imagery and characters are so vivid and the
audio recording is absolutely stunning. Warmly recommend listening to this book.
audio recording is absolutely stunning. Warmly recommend listening to this book.
August 5, 2025
I didn’t know where The Memory of My Shadow was taking me at first—and I mean that in the best way.
The future it imagines isn’t flashy or dystopian—it’s familiar in a deeply unsettling way. A school shooting, fractured memory, a search for peace shaped by logic and code. The story unfolds slowly, trusting you to sit with hard questions and uncomfortable truths. By the end, I was all in.
What I admired most is how the book doesn’t flinch. It tackles tech, trauma, and grief without tipping into spectacle. It circles ideas like violence, healing, and whether understanding can ever truly lead to resolution. And it lingers there—just long enough—for us to wonder how we might get closure.
I’m still thinking about the way it treats memory and technology—not as something fixed, but as a living thing we keep negotiating with, daily, forever.
The future it imagines isn’t flashy or dystopian—it’s familiar in a deeply unsettling way. A school shooting, fractured memory, a search for peace shaped by logic and code. The story unfolds slowly, trusting you to sit with hard questions and uncomfortable truths. By the end, I was all in.
What I admired most is how the book doesn’t flinch. It tackles tech, trauma, and grief without tipping into spectacle. It circles ideas like violence, healing, and whether understanding can ever truly lead to resolution. And it lingers there—just long enough—for us to wonder how we might get closure.
I’m still thinking about the way it treats memory and technology—not as something fixed, but as a living thing we keep negotiating with, daily, forever.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews