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Restaurant Kid: A Memoir of Family and Belonging
A poignant and warm narrative about the uniquely grinding life of restaurant families, the costs of “making it” as an immigrant, and a daughter’s attempts to connect with parents who have always been just out of reach.
When she was three years old, Rachel Phan met her replacement. Instead of a new sibling, her parents’ time and attention were suddenly devoted entirely to their new family restaurant. For her parents—whose own families fled China during revolution and then survived survived bombs and starvation during the war in Vietnam—it was a dream come true. For Rachel, it was something quite different. Overnight, she became a restaurant kid, living on the periphery of her own family and trying her best to stay out of the way.
While Rachel grew up, the restaurant was there—the most stalwart and suffocating member of her family. For decades, it’s been both their crowning achievement and the origin of so much of their pain and screaming matches complete with smashed dishes , bodies worn down by ever-spreading arthritis, and tenuous relationships where they love one another deeply without ever really knowing each other.
Restaurant Kid seeks to examine the way Rachel’s life has been shaped by the rigid boxes placed around her. She had to be the good daughter, never asking questions, always being grateful. She had to be a “real Canadian,” watching hockey and speaking English so flawlessly that her tongue has since forgotten how to contort around Cantonese tones. As the only Chinese girl at school, she had to alternate between being the Asian sidekick, geek, or slut, depending on whose gaze was on her.
Now, thirty-one years after their restaurant first opened, Rachel's parents are cautiously talking about retirement. As an adult restaurant kid, Rachel’s good daughter role demands something new of her—a chance to get to know her parents on the trip of a lifetime.
Bringing to lyric life the poignancy of growing up in a "third culture," Rachel Phan has crafted a vibrant new narrative of growing up, the strength and foibles of family, and how we come to understand ourselves.
When she was three years old, Rachel Phan met her replacement. Instead of a new sibling, her parents’ time and attention were suddenly devoted entirely to their new family restaurant. For her parents—whose own families fled China during revolution and then survived survived bombs and starvation during the war in Vietnam—it was a dream come true. For Rachel, it was something quite different. Overnight, she became a restaurant kid, living on the periphery of her own family and trying her best to stay out of the way.
While Rachel grew up, the restaurant was there—the most stalwart and suffocating member of her family. For decades, it’s been both their crowning achievement and the origin of so much of their pain and screaming matches complete with smashed dishes , bodies worn down by ever-spreading arthritis, and tenuous relationships where they love one another deeply without ever really knowing each other.
Restaurant Kid seeks to examine the way Rachel’s life has been shaped by the rigid boxes placed around her. She had to be the good daughter, never asking questions, always being grateful. She had to be a “real Canadian,” watching hockey and speaking English so flawlessly that her tongue has since forgotten how to contort around Cantonese tones. As the only Chinese girl at school, she had to alternate between being the Asian sidekick, geek, or slut, depending on whose gaze was on her.
Now, thirty-one years after their restaurant first opened, Rachel's parents are cautiously talking about retirement. As an adult restaurant kid, Rachel’s good daughter role demands something new of her—a chance to get to know her parents on the trip of a lifetime.
Bringing to lyric life the poignancy of growing up in a "third culture," Rachel Phan has crafted a vibrant new narrative of growing up, the strength and foibles of family, and how we come to understand ourselves.
272 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2025
78 people are currently reading
4486 people want to read
About the author
Rachel Phan
1 book41 followersRachel Phan was born and raised in a small town in Canada. Growing up, she always felt a little lost and a lot lonely. She sought escapism from her provincial life by writing the stories she desperately wanted to see, ones where a Chinese-Vietnamese girl like her was the main character.
Rachel’s work often explores the impacts of racism, assimilation, fetishization, and forced displacement on one’s feelings of identity, belonging, and self-worth.
Her forthcoming debut book, Restaurant Kid: A Memoir of Family and Belonging, is set for publication in Spring 2025.
IG: @rachelmphan
Rachel’s work often explores the impacts of racism, assimilation, fetishization, and forced displacement on one’s feelings of identity, belonging, and self-worth.
Her forthcoming debut book, Restaurant Kid: A Memoir of Family and Belonging, is set for publication in Spring 2025.
IG: @rachelmphan
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 148 reviews
September 22, 2024
Full disclosure: my baby sister wrote this book and I am not biased at all when I say it was SO GOOD.
Not only did Rachel share her story, she shared our family's story. Our parents are so proud - especially dad. Rachel inherited our father's ability to tell stories in an engaging and compelling way and she's made one of his dreams come true - to share some of *his* stories. She tackles some pretty serious topics, but doesn't dwell on them for too long. Restaurant Kid brought up a lot of feelings for me (since I'm a Restaurant Kid too) and I found myself laughing and crying at different parts. This book was heartbreaking, and healing, in equal measure.
I can't wait for the world to discover my sister's talent!! <3<3<3
Not only did Rachel share her story, she shared our family's story. Our parents are so proud - especially dad. Rachel inherited our father's ability to tell stories in an engaging and compelling way and she's made one of his dreams come true - to share some of *his* stories. She tackles some pretty serious topics, but doesn't dwell on them for too long. Restaurant Kid brought up a lot of feelings for me (since I'm a Restaurant Kid too) and I found myself laughing and crying at different parts. This book was heartbreaking, and healing, in equal measure.
I can't wait for the world to discover my sister's talent!! <3<3<3
December 18, 2025
Thank you Netgalley and Dreamscape Media for an ALC of this book!
I was originally drawn to this book by its title. Most of us have heard the stereotype list of what makes up a "good" Chinese restaurant. 9/10 on that list is something along the lines of "you know the foods going to be good when you see a kid in the back doing homework" (or on a tablet these days).. For me, that just raised more questions. Like, why does that seem to impact the food? And at what cost to that child?
I think it's time to add memoirs & biographies as a permanent sub genre in History classes across the public school system..This is our real history. The day to day actions and choices of people..how it impacts others. The problem is we only study about impacts on larger scales. Such as terrorist attacks, or Wars. While the words and lives of the people living through these times get lost in the shuffle. The only way to truly heal as a world is to really listen to the stories of those around us.
In this heartfelt display of rawness & realness we remember what it feels like to be vulnerable. We're reminded that absolutely nothing comes without sacrifice, even your favorite Chinese takeout. Personally, I find it crazy (in the most fascinating way) how even the smallest things in life can have such different meanings to different people. And honestly after reading this book I'm surprised more people haven't connected the dots sooner (myself included).. your favorite Chinese restaurant with those kids quietly sitting in the back make food so delicious because that's where all their love and time is going at the moment, into our food.
Until next time,
Hades
🩵
I was originally drawn to this book by its title. Most of us have heard the stereotype list of what makes up a "good" Chinese restaurant. 9/10 on that list is something along the lines of "you know the foods going to be good when you see a kid in the back doing homework" (or on a tablet these days).. For me, that just raised more questions. Like, why does that seem to impact the food? And at what cost to that child?
I think it's time to add memoirs & biographies as a permanent sub genre in History classes across the public school system..This is our real history. The day to day actions and choices of people..how it impacts others. The problem is we only study about impacts on larger scales. Such as terrorist attacks, or Wars. While the words and lives of the people living through these times get lost in the shuffle. The only way to truly heal as a world is to really listen to the stories of those around us.
In this heartfelt display of rawness & realness we remember what it feels like to be vulnerable. We're reminded that absolutely nothing comes without sacrifice, even your favorite Chinese takeout. Personally, I find it crazy (in the most fascinating way) how even the smallest things in life can have such different meanings to different people. And honestly after reading this book I'm surprised more people haven't connected the dots sooner (myself included).. your favorite Chinese restaurant with those kids quietly sitting in the back make food so delicious because that's where all their love and time is going at the moment, into our food.
Until next time,
Hades
🩵
December 8, 2025
2025 Goodreads Choice Awards (Mai's Version) - Readers' Favorite Debut Novel
2025 Goodreads Choice Awards (Mai's Version) - Readers' Favorite Memoir
Vietnam Book and Reading Culture Day 2025 #3
Book Tour - 4/8/25
This is visceral and raw. Rachel lays her heart out for you to observe and empathize with.
Being Chinese Vietnamese Canadian is an identity unto its own, and in this book, Rachel explores what it means to be a third culture kid. From the beginning, I loved it. I'm Vietnamese American, and the eldest, not the youngest, and my family didn't have a restaurant growing up, but I felt this in my soul.
My favorite chapter (and they're all great) is the one where Rachel, her husband, sister, and parents take a very overdue trip to Hải Phòng. While I met my younger sibling and BIL on a similar overdue trip, my parents have no desire to return, which I get now, but I think it would've been so meaningful to explore the place of their birth with them. I'm very emotional.
Navigating the path to growing up is hard, and I'm inclined to say it's harder as a minority woman. This is not always about navigating with grace, but with resilience, of which Rachel has plenty. I'll read whatever she puts forth next.
Things that attacked me, alphabetically:
🥡 bullying before being bullied
🥡 crushing on white men as the "safe" option
🥡 not feeling Asian enough, and yet not feeling western enough
🥡 not wanting to pack "ethnic" food for my school lunch
🥡 preferring the pink Power Ranger to the yellow one
1988, represent! Love Rachel. Love everything about this.
rep: Chinese Vietnamese Canadian
tw: depression, racism, suicide attempt
Book pairings: MY VIETNAM, YOUR VIETNAM | RU | SLOW NOODLES | THE MANICURIST’S DAUGHTER
Film pairings: PEACH BLOSSOM, PHO AND PIANO | RU
📖 Thank you to Pegasus Books and Colored Pages Book Tours
📱 Thank you to Pegasus Books and Colored Pages Book Tours
2025 Goodreads Choice Awards (Mai's Version) - Readers' Favorite Memoir
Vietnam Book and Reading Culture Day 2025 #3
Book Tour - 4/8/25
This is visceral and raw. Rachel lays her heart out for you to observe and empathize with.
Being Chinese Vietnamese Canadian is an identity unto its own, and in this book, Rachel explores what it means to be a third culture kid. From the beginning, I loved it. I'm Vietnamese American, and the eldest, not the youngest, and my family didn't have a restaurant growing up, but I felt this in my soul.
My favorite chapter (and they're all great) is the one where Rachel, her husband, sister, and parents take a very overdue trip to Hải Phòng. While I met my younger sibling and BIL on a similar overdue trip, my parents have no desire to return, which I get now, but I think it would've been so meaningful to explore the place of their birth with them. I'm very emotional.
Navigating the path to growing up is hard, and I'm inclined to say it's harder as a minority woman. This is not always about navigating with grace, but with resilience, of which Rachel has plenty. I'll read whatever she puts forth next.
Things that attacked me, alphabetically:
🥡 bullying before being bullied
🥡 crushing on white men as the "safe" option
🥡 not feeling Asian enough, and yet not feeling western enough
🥡 not wanting to pack "ethnic" food for my school lunch
🥡 preferring the pink Power Ranger to the yellow one
1988, represent! Love Rachel. Love everything about this.
rep: Chinese Vietnamese Canadian
tw: depression, racism, suicide attempt
Book pairings: MY VIETNAM, YOUR VIETNAM | RU | SLOW NOODLES | THE MANICURIST’S DAUGHTER
Film pairings: PEACH BLOSSOM, PHO AND PIANO | RU
📖 Thank you to Pegasus Books and Colored Pages Book Tours
📱 Thank you to Pegasus Books and Colored Pages Book Tours
March 31, 2025
5 Stars (I generally do not rate memoirs since its based on one life experiences but this one is deserves it for the phenomenal writing)
However, I was drawn to this one for some reason and decided to read it! I have zero regrets reading it, and I finished it in 2.5 days, which was shocking since I planned a week for it!
Rachel’s story is a memoir that grips you and makes you want to continue reading. I am so invested I could not put the book down from the start to the end.
| The stories you find within these pages are drawn from the threads of my memory and stitched together with as much honesty and care as possible. Memory, of course, has its own way of telling stories - sometimes clearer, sometimes softer at the edges |
I appreciate Rachel’s frankness as she dives into her family history, from her earliest memories, which include being born a girl, growing up a sickly child with trips in/out of the hospital, the constant loneliness she feels even surrounded by family, and her parents’ lack of presence, especially growing up with a family restaurant.
Her lyrical writing approach, told in her voice and coupled with the occasional relatable elements and honesty, makes it a refreshing read.I could see many related intersecting moments of my life and went through moments of sadness, joy, fear, anger, and outrage, with some bouts of homesickness thrown in. (And I ended up calling home to speak to my dad after writing this review, hah!)
Racism is prevalent at the start of the book and plays a huge role here as she grew up in a small town in Canada where minority races stood out because they were so little representation. It followed her throughout her life and became heavily intersected with her first real relationship, leading to expected dire consequences…
Given the restaurant life, this book also touches on the concept of food and how food is love such as her parents asking her if she has eaten yet? (Definitely an Asian parent thing). The type of Chinese food normalized in Canada (chicken balls, brown fried rice, enormous spring rolls) - This was a total culture shock to me when I first came to Canada…
Rachel also explains the concept of being a ‘third culture kid,’ representing people growing up between two cultures, such as your parents’ culture and the culture of the country you live in and the struggles that she faced as they can sometimes be so different! I can also feel her pain and regrets as she loses touch with her Cantonese. Major topics such as sexuality, media portrayals of Asians, racism, mental health, her parents’ history during the war era of Vietnam and its realities, her relationships with her siblings and parents, her childhood, teen and adult struggles she faced growing up and her love life.
This book pays homage to her imperfect family and the intergenerational trauma that haunts them. In her words, this book is a love letter to her parents, who, against all odds, survived the war-era of Vietnam and came to Canada seeking a better life and a dream to build a better life, her younger self, the kids like who wants a place to belong and an ode to the restaurant her parents build and the sacrifice it warrants to live the good life.
This riveting read is a must read and I cannot recommend it enough. This book will be published on 1st April! (Please check trigger warnings if needed)
Thank you to Douglas & McIntyre, and Rachel for a media e-copy of this book!
However, I was drawn to this one for some reason and decided to read it! I have zero regrets reading it, and I finished it in 2.5 days, which was shocking since I planned a week for it!
Rachel’s story is a memoir that grips you and makes you want to continue reading. I am so invested I could not put the book down from the start to the end.
| The stories you find within these pages are drawn from the threads of my memory and stitched together with as much honesty and care as possible. Memory, of course, has its own way of telling stories - sometimes clearer, sometimes softer at the edges |
I appreciate Rachel’s frankness as she dives into her family history, from her earliest memories, which include being born a girl, growing up a sickly child with trips in/out of the hospital, the constant loneliness she feels even surrounded by family, and her parents’ lack of presence, especially growing up with a family restaurant.
Her lyrical writing approach, told in her voice and coupled with the occasional relatable elements and honesty, makes it a refreshing read.I could see many related intersecting moments of my life and went through moments of sadness, joy, fear, anger, and outrage, with some bouts of homesickness thrown in. (And I ended up calling home to speak to my dad after writing this review, hah!)
Racism is prevalent at the start of the book and plays a huge role here as she grew up in a small town in Canada where minority races stood out because they were so little representation. It followed her throughout her life and became heavily intersected with her first real relationship, leading to expected dire consequences…
Given the restaurant life, this book also touches on the concept of food and how food is love such as her parents asking her if she has eaten yet? (Definitely an Asian parent thing). The type of Chinese food normalized in Canada (chicken balls, brown fried rice, enormous spring rolls) - This was a total culture shock to me when I first came to Canada…
Rachel also explains the concept of being a ‘third culture kid,’ representing people growing up between two cultures, such as your parents’ culture and the culture of the country you live in and the struggles that she faced as they can sometimes be so different! I can also feel her pain and regrets as she loses touch with her Cantonese. Major topics such as sexuality, media portrayals of Asians, racism, mental health, her parents’ history during the war era of Vietnam and its realities, her relationships with her siblings and parents, her childhood, teen and adult struggles she faced growing up and her love life.
This book pays homage to her imperfect family and the intergenerational trauma that haunts them. In her words, this book is a love letter to her parents, who, against all odds, survived the war-era of Vietnam and came to Canada seeking a better life and a dream to build a better life, her younger self, the kids like who wants a place to belong and an ode to the restaurant her parents build and the sacrifice it warrants to live the good life.
This riveting read is a must read and I cannot recommend it enough. This book will be published on 1st April! (Please check trigger warnings if needed)
Thank you to Douglas & McIntyre, and Rachel for a media e-copy of this book!
October 14, 2025
An interesting book. I think I was expecting something along the lines of a non-fiction version of Midnight at the Dragon Café. And it started out that way - the casual racism, the all-consuming restaurant, the owners not eating the food that they serve to the customers. My first shock was when I realized the timeline - Judy Fong Bates book was set in the '60s. Even something set in the '70s wouldn't have surprised me. But Phan was born in 1988. I started university in 1988. I didn't expect that you'd still see some of these attitudes in the '90s and into the 2000s.
Part of that is that I was born and raised in Toronto. I always had Asian friends and classmates, so someone who looked Asian didn't appear unusual. I guess I don't have a sense of how white small town Ontario is. So the fact that Phan received these reactions and comments, and I assume, still would receive these reactions and comments, is rather shocking to me. I guess that's a bit of my white privilege showing through - I probably wouldn't notice the racial makeup of the people around me, especially how many white people there are. Anyway, that was kind of eye-opening.
I have to give Phan credit for how open she is. She talks in great detail about her sexual exploration. She talks about her resentment at the prospect of having to take care of her parents, even though she acknowledges that they always took care of her, and now it's her turn. The latter is hard enough to admit to yourself, let alone put it our there for the world to see and open yourself up to criticism. Very brave.
I thought the book suffered because of the way Phan chose to write it. The first half of the book is her story - growing up, going to university, bad relationships, therapy, meeting a good partner. Then there are a bunch of family photos. The second half of the book reads more like a series of essays. Having lots of money to buy things growing up, although the family didn't have money really. My siblings. My parents and our relationship. Our trip to Vietnam. How hard my parents work. What will happen as they age?
Sprinkled in with the autobiographical stuff are little factoids - Asian people and casinos. An episode of Fresh Off the Boat where the characters get "success perms." A list of Asian-American actors and the character types that they portray. All of this can seem a little random at times. I mean, it's relevant, but the switch from the personal to the objective doesn't flow well.
The way it's written makes the whole story weaker. So Phan was given a lot of money so she can buy whatever she wants - the most stylish clothes, the latest things. But that exists outside of her childhood stories. It would be better if she could have integrated them. She starts the book with talking about her birth, and how she's a disappointment because she was born a girl. But later, when she's talking about her father, he tells her that she was planned (she thought she might be an accident), and they were happy to have a girl. So that kind of undermines the first part. She talks about how much her parents love each other, and how romantic their early story is, but when she talks about her childhood, it seems like they hate each other. Her husband leaves her mother at one point - we never find out what that was actually about.
It feels like we get bits and pieces of the story, but never the whole thing. It ends ups feeling like Phan is unable to integrate the various parts, and instead, just gives up and lets the parts that don't fit in with her original life story stand on their own, for fear it would weaken what she's trying to get across.
There's a part where she goes away, and when she comes back, her place in her friend group has been replaced by a blond, blue-eyed girl. She says that she has other steadfast friends, but this friend group has rejected her. You do wonder how much of this is real, and how much is her perception. Was she replaced by a white girl because she's not white, or is race not a factor in that? I mean, in a town with few racialized people, odds are the person that they start hanging out with will be white. And were these friends actually very good friends, or did she just want to hang out with more popular kids that weren't that interested in actually being friends with her.
Anyway, I found lots in this book that I liked, but I felt it left me feeling like we weren't given the full story. An autobiography is always going to give you a certain angle, but I felt like with this one, a lot of the cracks were showing.
Part of that is that I was born and raised in Toronto. I always had Asian friends and classmates, so someone who looked Asian didn't appear unusual. I guess I don't have a sense of how white small town Ontario is. So the fact that Phan received these reactions and comments, and I assume, still would receive these reactions and comments, is rather shocking to me. I guess that's a bit of my white privilege showing through - I probably wouldn't notice the racial makeup of the people around me, especially how many white people there are. Anyway, that was kind of eye-opening.
I have to give Phan credit for how open she is. She talks in great detail about her sexual exploration. She talks about her resentment at the prospect of having to take care of her parents, even though she acknowledges that they always took care of her, and now it's her turn. The latter is hard enough to admit to yourself, let alone put it our there for the world to see and open yourself up to criticism. Very brave.
I thought the book suffered because of the way Phan chose to write it. The first half of the book is her story - growing up, going to university, bad relationships, therapy, meeting a good partner. Then there are a bunch of family photos. The second half of the book reads more like a series of essays. Having lots of money to buy things growing up, although the family didn't have money really. My siblings. My parents and our relationship. Our trip to Vietnam. How hard my parents work. What will happen as they age?
Sprinkled in with the autobiographical stuff are little factoids - Asian people and casinos. An episode of Fresh Off the Boat where the characters get "success perms." A list of Asian-American actors and the character types that they portray. All of this can seem a little random at times. I mean, it's relevant, but the switch from the personal to the objective doesn't flow well.
The way it's written makes the whole story weaker. So Phan was given a lot of money so she can buy whatever she wants - the most stylish clothes, the latest things. But that exists outside of her childhood stories. It would be better if she could have integrated them. She starts the book with talking about her birth, and how she's a disappointment because she was born a girl. But later, when she's talking about her father, he tells her that she was planned (she thought she might be an accident), and they were happy to have a girl. So that kind of undermines the first part. She talks about how much her parents love each other, and how romantic their early story is, but when she talks about her childhood, it seems like they hate each other. Her husband leaves her mother at one point - we never find out what that was actually about.
It feels like we get bits and pieces of the story, but never the whole thing. It ends ups feeling like Phan is unable to integrate the various parts, and instead, just gives up and lets the parts that don't fit in with her original life story stand on their own, for fear it would weaken what she's trying to get across.
There's a part where she goes away, and when she comes back, her place in her friend group has been replaced by a blond, blue-eyed girl. She says that she has other steadfast friends, but this friend group has rejected her. You do wonder how much of this is real, and how much is her perception. Was she replaced by a white girl because she's not white, or is race not a factor in that? I mean, in a town with few racialized people, odds are the person that they start hanging out with will be white. And were these friends actually very good friends, or did she just want to hang out with more popular kids that weren't that interested in actually being friends with her.
Anyway, I found lots in this book that I liked, but I felt it left me feeling like we weren't given the full story. An autobiography is always going to give you a certain angle, but I felt like with this one, a lot of the cracks were showing.
January 17, 2025
"I inherit trauma the moment I am pulled, disappointingly female, from my mother's open stomach"
There are books that transport you to other worlds and books that make you achingly, painfully aware of this one. Of all our corkscrewed paths, missed connections, what-if's, and the invisible tears in the fabric of our being that the people we love can't help but inflict at times. Restaurant Kid sees and speaks to them all through the lens of Rachel's life. And within the first chapter, you're no longer just seeing her soul laid bare because you'll find yours in there too.
As an immigrant to Canada at 13 and a woman of colour, I saw fragments of my life in these pages, my fears, resentment, joys, yearning. In holding a mirror to her story and that of her family, Rachel has given us a chance to examine our own to see where we might have been the victor, the oppressor, the child.
This is an achingly tender story of intergenerational trauma and love that I have no doubt will stay dear to my heart and inform my thoughts and actions for a long, long time. It's a love letter, a series of hardwon realizations, wrapped in the softest of shells.
Come to read the life of the titular Restaurant Kid, stay for the love, heartbreak, and a family finding each other over and over again.
A huge thank you to the author for sharing a copy!
There are books that transport you to other worlds and books that make you achingly, painfully aware of this one. Of all our corkscrewed paths, missed connections, what-if's, and the invisible tears in the fabric of our being that the people we love can't help but inflict at times. Restaurant Kid sees and speaks to them all through the lens of Rachel's life. And within the first chapter, you're no longer just seeing her soul laid bare because you'll find yours in there too.
As an immigrant to Canada at 13 and a woman of colour, I saw fragments of my life in these pages, my fears, resentment, joys, yearning. In holding a mirror to her story and that of her family, Rachel has given us a chance to examine our own to see where we might have been the victor, the oppressor, the child.
This is an achingly tender story of intergenerational trauma and love that I have no doubt will stay dear to my heart and inform my thoughts and actions for a long, long time. It's a love letter, a series of hardwon realizations, wrapped in the softest of shells.
Come to read the life of the titular Restaurant Kid, stay for the love, heartbreak, and a family finding each other over and over again.
A huge thank you to the author for sharing a copy!
April 11, 2025
Rachel Phan’s debut is painstakingly honest in the most refreshing way. Reading it felt like a heart-to-heart over late-night takeout: comforting, cathartic, and sometimes messy in the best way.
The only downside? It made me crave bún riêu, fall off the bone ribs, noodles, dumplings, and literally anything served with chili oil after reading every chapter.
An unforgettable debut. Give this book its oats it deserves and check it out!
The only downside? It made me crave bún riêu, fall off the bone ribs, noodles, dumplings, and literally anything served with chili oil after reading every chapter.
An unforgettable debut. Give this book its oats it deserves and check it out!
October 7, 2025
I am blown away!! I did not expect this book to hit me the way that it did. The writing is so honest and raw yet beautifully crafted. Thank you Rachel for sharing your story so bravely, from a fellow youngest daughter of Chinese immigrants living in southern Ontario!
April 2, 2025
Racheal Phan’s Restaurant Kid: A Memoir of Family and Belonging, is a spirited and heart-wrenching memoir of life growing up as the daughter of Chinese immigrants.
It’s hard to give proper ratings to a memoir, but even after only a few pages I knew I would have to give this book five stars. Phan puts everything she has and more on every page, exploring old family secrets, hard truths, and, with the clear understanding of an adult, her parents' sacrifices during her childhood.
Reading this book was also the first time I’ve encountered the term ‘third culture kid’, representing children growing up between two cultures (Parents’ culture and countries' culture), and the struggles of trying to hold onto both. Phan depicts her experience of this in vivid detail, sharing her difficulties and heartache over her ability to speak proper Cantonese, and exploring a country where she was raised facing racism and fetishization. Despite these very difficult topics, it was such a refreshing and engaging book that pulled joy from small moments and melted my heart with the narration of a kid looking for somewhere they belong.
From journalist to author, Phan’s writing is witty, charming, and unflinchingly honest. Her debut Is one I would recommend to every reader who I cross paths with.
Thank you to Pegasus Books and Colored Pages Book Tours for the gifted copy in exchange for an honest review.
It’s hard to give proper ratings to a memoir, but even after only a few pages I knew I would have to give this book five stars. Phan puts everything she has and more on every page, exploring old family secrets, hard truths, and, with the clear understanding of an adult, her parents' sacrifices during her childhood.
Reading this book was also the first time I’ve encountered the term ‘third culture kid’, representing children growing up between two cultures (Parents’ culture and countries' culture), and the struggles of trying to hold onto both. Phan depicts her experience of this in vivid detail, sharing her difficulties and heartache over her ability to speak proper Cantonese, and exploring a country where she was raised facing racism and fetishization. Despite these very difficult topics, it was such a refreshing and engaging book that pulled joy from small moments and melted my heart with the narration of a kid looking for somewhere they belong.
From journalist to author, Phan’s writing is witty, charming, and unflinchingly honest. Her debut Is one I would recommend to every reader who I cross paths with.
Thank you to Pegasus Books and Colored Pages Book Tours for the gifted copy in exchange for an honest review.
October 15, 2025
Thank you NetGalley for allowing me early access to the audiobook for Restaurant Kid a memoir by Rachel Phan.
My interest in this title stems from wanting to see what life might be like for my own kids who are the children of new business owners (my husband and I), and I got a lot of that but so much more.
This is about Rachel’s life as “third culture” Chinese Canadian girl growing up as the youngest daughter of an extremely busy family in a predominantly white community. She reflects on being proud of her Asian heritage but rejecting a lot of it in order to blend with her white Canadian peers, her parents history of being war refugees and how that impacted everything that came with building a new life for themselves in Canada, her complex relationship with her parents and other people in her life, dealing with racisms, her struggling sense of identity, mental health, sexuality, navigating girlhood and so much more.
I didn’t realize until the very end that she narrates her own memoir, and I think she did a remarkable job. I absolutely loved hearing her story.
My interest in this title stems from wanting to see what life might be like for my own kids who are the children of new business owners (my husband and I), and I got a lot of that but so much more.
This is about Rachel’s life as “third culture” Chinese Canadian girl growing up as the youngest daughter of an extremely busy family in a predominantly white community. She reflects on being proud of her Asian heritage but rejecting a lot of it in order to blend with her white Canadian peers, her parents history of being war refugees and how that impacted everything that came with building a new life for themselves in Canada, her complex relationship with her parents and other people in her life, dealing with racisms, her struggling sense of identity, mental health, sexuality, navigating girlhood and so much more.
I didn’t realize until the very end that she narrates her own memoir, and I think she did a remarkable job. I absolutely loved hearing her story.
April 30, 2025
oh i love memoirs about family, culture, food and heritage, i love reading about how it shapes different people, and i also love rachel sm.
March 30, 2025
This memoir is what it means to be a restaurant kid and so much more. Phan puts all of herself on the page and doesn’t shy away from sharing the candid vulnerable details of her and her family’s stories. She examines the racism and fetishization she faced growing up in small-town Ontario, that followed and seeped into her adult life and relationships in Toronto. She reflects on her upbringing, her family’s sacrifices and successes with realization and understanding.
While we grew up in different cities, under different circumstances, and nearly 10 years apart, I see a lot of myself in Rachel’s story. The “third-culture” kids who were made fun of for their lunches begging their parents for the food their white classmates got. The second-gen kids who rejected their language and culture in an attempt to assimilate and fit in. These kids who grew up to finally understand that how their immigrant parents demonstrate love may not have fit the mould, but was always there.
Thank you to the author and Douglas & McIntyre for an advance copy of this book.
While we grew up in different cities, under different circumstances, and nearly 10 years apart, I see a lot of myself in Rachel’s story. The “third-culture” kids who were made fun of for their lunches begging their parents for the food their white classmates got. The second-gen kids who rejected their language and culture in an attempt to assimilate and fit in. These kids who grew up to finally understand that how their immigrant parents demonstrate love may not have fit the mould, but was always there.
Thank you to the author and Douglas & McIntyre for an advance copy of this book.
January 2, 2025
Restaurant Kid by Rachel Phan is a must-read. Especially for millennials. Phan manages to simultaneously transport you back to the aughts with her vulnerable and daring descriptions of teenhood during these years. Her family’s restaurant becomes its own character throughout the book, the one constant thread throughout sometimes tumultuous eras in Phan’s life.
Add in exposure to the harsh realities of being in the overwhelming minority in your community, and the Asian and Chinese-specific racial hate Phan endures. Then add in yet another layer of the phenomenon called the “Third Culture Kid”. Phan’s work introduced me to this term and now I’m left sitting here wondering where this definition has been all my life. I share no heritage with Phan yet I am a Third Culture Kid. It is a term that transcends race and nationality and refers to individuals who grow up in between two or more cultures- their parents’ culture and the culture of the country they live in- and how they are often at odds with both.
Couple all of this with the heart wrenching descriptions of Phan’s parents’ escape from their war-torn home country in the 1970s, this memoir brings the reader closer to the realities of war that many westerners have absolutely no grasp on or have any idea how close those realities truly are to us.
I cannot recommend this book enough.
Add in exposure to the harsh realities of being in the overwhelming minority in your community, and the Asian and Chinese-specific racial hate Phan endures. Then add in yet another layer of the phenomenon called the “Third Culture Kid”. Phan’s work introduced me to this term and now I’m left sitting here wondering where this definition has been all my life. I share no heritage with Phan yet I am a Third Culture Kid. It is a term that transcends race and nationality and refers to individuals who grow up in between two or more cultures- their parents’ culture and the culture of the country they live in- and how they are often at odds with both.
Couple all of this with the heart wrenching descriptions of Phan’s parents’ escape from their war-torn home country in the 1970s, this memoir brings the reader closer to the realities of war that many westerners have absolutely no grasp on or have any idea how close those realities truly are to us.
I cannot recommend this book enough.
December 31, 2025
4.5!
How did I love this memoir so much? Who would’ve thought it would be maybe one of the most relatable and personable memoirs I’ve read in a long time!?
I picked this up after my colleague told me about it and how she listened to the audio and said how good it was, so of course I had to see for myself (shout out to Libby). This was so well written, and just so honest and open about growing up with so much stacked against you as a young Chinese girl only seen as an Other in small town Ontario.
Highly recommend!
How did I love this memoir so much? Who would’ve thought it would be maybe one of the most relatable and personable memoirs I’ve read in a long time!?
I picked this up after my colleague told me about it and how she listened to the audio and said how good it was, so of course I had to see for myself (shout out to Libby). This was so well written, and just so honest and open about growing up with so much stacked against you as a young Chinese girl only seen as an Other in small town Ontario.
Highly recommend!
June 10, 2025
I really enjoyed reading Rachel's memoir. She shares her experiences being a Chinese kid growing up in a white town - the significant racism and ostracism she faces- even within her own friend group. She talks about what it's like to be the youngest child, the child of two hard working parents who do not have the time to parent, and what it's like to have parents with a turbulent relationship. Rachel also talks about struggle with personal identity. Being told to "go back to your own country" and being told sexual and derogatory remarks based on how Asian women are depicted in (older) Western media repeatedly undoubtedly affected her identity formation.
Reading this made me flash back to my own memories and draw parallels with my own life. Even though I went to a very multicultural high school, I remember kids stretching their eyes out and calling me Asian slurs. I just find it bizarre people try to alienate and attack other people for reasons they cannot control. I felt more personally connected to her story too because my parents too were boat people and had similar struggles with money, assimilating in Canadian culture, and raising a family.
I also love how it gives context to this restaurant family's personal life (a behind closed doors perspective). You begin to appreciate how everyone has their own life story.
Reading this made me flash back to my own memories and draw parallels with my own life. Even though I went to a very multicultural high school, I remember kids stretching their eyes out and calling me Asian slurs. I just find it bizarre people try to alienate and attack other people for reasons they cannot control. I felt more personally connected to her story too because my parents too were boat people and had similar struggles with money, assimilating in Canadian culture, and raising a family.
I also love how it gives context to this restaurant family's personal life (a behind closed doors perspective). You begin to appreciate how everyone has their own life story.
April 2, 2025
Thank you to Colored Pages Book Tours (@coloredpagesbt), the author, and the publisher for the free e-book in exchange for an honest review
RESTAURANT KID was one of my most highly anticipated debuts of 2025, and I was terrified that I’d have to tell Rachel that I didn’t love it. Fortunately, that turned out not to be the case. I adored RESTAURANT KID, and if you are an Asian diaspora kid, and/or interested in reading memoirs about belonging and learning how to love oneself, then I think you’ll love this one, too.
In RESTAURANT KID, Phan lays herself bare for us to connect with her. She is so vulnerable with her deepest and darkest thoughts. About the loneliness of being the only Asian kid around. About how her pride in being Chinese turned inexorably into shame, and she acted out to try (and fail) to outrun the racist comments and assumptions that chased her everywhere. About the reality of her difficult relationship with her overworked restauranteer parents. About how she navigates her burgeoning sexuality while trying to dodge assumptions that people make about her as an Asian woman.
Phan’s willingness to be open, honest, and heartwrenchingly specific about her experiences and thoughts made it impossible to not relate to her. In particular, her sharing of her experiences brought up similar things that had happened to me. Reading our similar experiences of growing up as an Asian diaspora kid opened some old wounds, but in the most cathartic kind of way. In this, Phan blazes a warm and compassionate path for those of us with similar upbringings to find ourselves in one another, ultimately leading to greater self-love and acceptance/forgiveness of our families and childhoods.
Phan’s writing is earnest, clear-eyed, and relatable. There’s so much clarity and compassion in her words that, frankly, I would read her random notes and first drafts if I could. Check out RESTAURANT KID if you want honest and hopeful memoirs about the Asian diaspora/child-of-immigrants experience.
RESTAURANT KID was one of my most highly anticipated debuts of 2025, and I was terrified that I’d have to tell Rachel that I didn’t love it. Fortunately, that turned out not to be the case. I adored RESTAURANT KID, and if you are an Asian diaspora kid, and/or interested in reading memoirs about belonging and learning how to love oneself, then I think you’ll love this one, too.
In RESTAURANT KID, Phan lays herself bare for us to connect with her. She is so vulnerable with her deepest and darkest thoughts. About the loneliness of being the only Asian kid around. About how her pride in being Chinese turned inexorably into shame, and she acted out to try (and fail) to outrun the racist comments and assumptions that chased her everywhere. About the reality of her difficult relationship with her overworked restauranteer parents. About how she navigates her burgeoning sexuality while trying to dodge assumptions that people make about her as an Asian woman.
Phan’s willingness to be open, honest, and heartwrenchingly specific about her experiences and thoughts made it impossible to not relate to her. In particular, her sharing of her experiences brought up similar things that had happened to me. Reading our similar experiences of growing up as an Asian diaspora kid opened some old wounds, but in the most cathartic kind of way. In this, Phan blazes a warm and compassionate path for those of us with similar upbringings to find ourselves in one another, ultimately leading to greater self-love and acceptance/forgiveness of our families and childhoods.
Phan’s writing is earnest, clear-eyed, and relatable. There’s so much clarity and compassion in her words that, frankly, I would read her random notes and first drafts if I could. Check out RESTAURANT KID if you want honest and hopeful memoirs about the Asian diaspora/child-of-immigrants experience.
January 5, 2026
I loved this book. Rachel Phan, a Chinese/Vietnamese woman who grew up in Kingsville, Ontario, tells the story of her family's restaurant. The book explores the sexualization of Asian women, the family roles, mental health, and Chinese restaurant life, and how Rachel felt othered growing up as one of very few Asians in her hometown.
There were a lot of rich details in this book, and it's an important addition to the Chinese-Canadian literary canon.
There were a lot of rich details in this book, and it's an important addition to the Chinese-Canadian literary canon.
May 6, 2025
I read this for the Asian and Pacific Islander Heritage Month 2025 Reading Challenge
https://www.goodreads.com/blog/show/2...
https://www.goodreads.com/blog/show/2...
June 20, 2025
Rating memoirs never seems fair but this book is such a beautifully raw and real read. I felt every emotion reading this and am in complete awe with the strength and courage of the author for sharing her story.
June 15, 2025
I found the order of the story telling a little odd in parts but overall I loved this.
Rachel is a beautiful storyteller and tells her families story in a raw and very real way.
I will always think of her when I visit family run restaurants now - such insight into a world i have frequented but know nothing about.
Highly recommend!
Rachel is a beautiful storyteller and tells her families story in a raw and very real way.
I will always think of her when I visit family run restaurants now - such insight into a world i have frequented but know nothing about.
Highly recommend!
May 11, 2025
Was interested in reading this because I too was a (Chinese) restaurant kid. Although we had some different circumstances, a lot of the overall sentiment was relatable.
Similarities:
- Shame/guilt when people you knew came to the restaurant.
- Feeling like the restaurant is a separate world from the rest of your life.
- Comfort in knowing that the restaurant is always there, and you can go there for company and food.
- Alienation from your parents’ home country and your birth country as a third-culture kid.
- Learned how to drive from dad.
- Traveling to parents’ home country together and seeing them in a different light outside of the restaurant.
Her childhood was wildly different. She had a lot of freedom to go out and started her sexual life and experimented with drugs and alcohol very early in life.
Her parents were originally from China but escaped to Vietnam and eventually to Canada.
I found the part about Asians and gambling quite interesting. A lot of Asian immigrants worked in restaurants, and casinos were one of the few things open when they got off work late at night. So it wasn’t solely for gambling but also served as a social gathering place and a place where you didn’t have to know English.
Similarities:
- Shame/guilt when people you knew came to the restaurant.
- Feeling like the restaurant is a separate world from the rest of your life.
- Comfort in knowing that the restaurant is always there, and you can go there for company and food.
- Alienation from your parents’ home country and your birth country as a third-culture kid.
- Learned how to drive from dad.
- Traveling to parents’ home country together and seeing them in a different light outside of the restaurant.
Her childhood was wildly different. She had a lot of freedom to go out and started her sexual life and experimented with drugs and alcohol very early in life.
Her parents were originally from China but escaped to Vietnam and eventually to Canada.
I found the part about Asians and gambling quite interesting. A lot of Asian immigrants worked in restaurants, and casinos were one of the few things open when they got off work late at night. So it wasn’t solely for gambling but also served as a social gathering place and a place where you didn’t have to know English.
May 4, 2025
An incredible, emotional debut, Rachel has eloquently handed us a gift by sharing the struggles and strengths of having a family that has given their all to the success they have earned. We are able to glimpse into her own life, both wins and losses, as well as the conflict of emotion that also mimics the experiences of any youth to adulthood. But with eloquently described information and statistics of immigrants, particularly the Asian-Canadian experience and unfortunate experience of racism, this is a book any person should read--particularly white people so they may check their privilege.
As an American, half of my family are recent immigrants and I can see much of the same attitude and experiences my family experienced as the Phan family has. But also, as the daughter of a former soldier who lost all of his friends (in the 2000s and beyond) due to complications from agent orange exposure during the Vietnam War, reading the perspective of the poor people who had this experience in their homes was incredibly moving and caused great reflection on my behalf.
I truly read this book at breakneck speed and have recommended it to so many others. It's truly a wonderful read and I cannot wait to see where Rachel's career goes. She deserves it.
As an American, half of my family are recent immigrants and I can see much of the same attitude and experiences my family experienced as the Phan family has. But also, as the daughter of a former soldier who lost all of his friends (in the 2000s and beyond) due to complications from agent orange exposure during the Vietnam War, reading the perspective of the poor people who had this experience in their homes was incredibly moving and caused great reflection on my behalf.
I truly read this book at breakneck speed and have recommended it to so many others. It's truly a wonderful read and I cannot wait to see where Rachel's career goes. She deserves it.
July 10, 2025
I previously read an article Rachel did for the CBC about being a Restaurant Kid, which really stayed with me. When I found out she wrote an entire book about it, I immediately picked up a copy.
Aside from the chapters about exploring her sexuality and sexual awakenings, which I found too uncomfortable to read, I loved learning about all her complicated feelings of being a Restaurant Kid. It was even more interesting because she grew up in a predominantly white small town in Canada. Unlike Vancouver and Toronto, both of which have large East Asian populations, Rachel dealt with an extra issue of racism and fetishization from her peers. As a Vancouver native, I haven't had to deal with nearly as much ignorance as she did.
I thought Rachel did an exceptional job highlighting her family's historly, a heartbreaking tale that demonstrated the resilience of both her parents. I also loved her self-awareness, recognizing how much more her two older siblings had to sacrifice than her because she was the youngest child. I'm glad she's at a place now where she can appreciate the family restaurant, even though it continues to have such a stronghold on their lives.
Aside from being a Canadian-born Chinese kid, the most relatable chapters for me were her struggles with mental health and having a healthy partnership. Without guidance and constant support from her parents, I could definitely understand why she had issues with depressions and toxic people.
Aside from the chapters about exploring her sexuality and sexual awakenings, which I found too uncomfortable to read, I loved learning about all her complicated feelings of being a Restaurant Kid. It was even more interesting because she grew up in a predominantly white small town in Canada. Unlike Vancouver and Toronto, both of which have large East Asian populations, Rachel dealt with an extra issue of racism and fetishization from her peers. As a Vancouver native, I haven't had to deal with nearly as much ignorance as she did.
I thought Rachel did an exceptional job highlighting her family's historly, a heartbreaking tale that demonstrated the resilience of both her parents. I also loved her self-awareness, recognizing how much more her two older siblings had to sacrifice than her because she was the youngest child. I'm glad she's at a place now where she can appreciate the family restaurant, even though it continues to have such a stronghold on their lives.
Aside from being a Canadian-born Chinese kid, the most relatable chapters for me were her struggles with mental health and having a healthy partnership. Without guidance and constant support from her parents, I could definitely understand why she had issues with depressions and toxic people.
October 23, 2025
I've had my eye on Restaurant Kid for several months and when I heard Rachel Phan was recording an audiobook of this and was going to read this herself I knew I had to listen! Thank you to NetGalley for providing me an advanced listener copy.
I posted some of my thoughts as I was listening but I was tearing up even before finishing the author's note. Her comment on using her parent's native language in her audiobook and trying to reclaim some of what had been lost. I was done for.
Rachel continued her show of vulnerability and openness throughout her story. She weaves in stories about her childhood and her parents journey from China effortlessly. It's a beautiful love story to her parents. She bares her soul describing growing up the youngest of three children in Canada to immigrant parents who spent most of their time working and trying to give their kids a good life.
There are so many stories to highlight, I cannot do it justice. Please just go listen to it.
I felt and understood so many of Rachel's comments about her parents and about how as a young child to an immigrant parent you try to push away any sense or understanding and just don't "get" why you couldn't have a "normal" parent. Then as an adult you realize how hard they had it coming to this brand new country and leaving everything else behind and you just want to connect to them again.
Well done Rachel!
I posted some of my thoughts as I was listening but I was tearing up even before finishing the author's note. Her comment on using her parent's native language in her audiobook and trying to reclaim some of what had been lost. I was done for.
Rachel continued her show of vulnerability and openness throughout her story. She weaves in stories about her childhood and her parents journey from China effortlessly. It's a beautiful love story to her parents. She bares her soul describing growing up the youngest of three children in Canada to immigrant parents who spent most of their time working and trying to give their kids a good life.
There are so many stories to highlight, I cannot do it justice. Please just go listen to it.
I felt and understood so many of Rachel's comments about her parents and about how as a young child to an immigrant parent you try to push away any sense or understanding and just don't "get" why you couldn't have a "normal" parent. Then as an adult you realize how hard they had it coming to this brand new country and leaving everything else behind and you just want to connect to them again.
Well done Rachel!
October 22, 2025
Thank you to Dreamscape Media for the ALC.
What a fantastic memoir. It never ceases to amaze me how deeply vulnerable, candid, and raw a really impactful memoir can be. Rachel Phan has done exactly that in Restaurant Kid. A first gen Canadian to Vietnamese parents and refugees by way of China.
Phan reflects on so many aspects of their upbringing. Unpacking the racism they encountered from childhood into adulthood, emotional loneliness, the desire for attention from constantly working parents, and so much more. While each chapter has a particular focus—Asian identity, racism, food, parental roles, mental health challenges, financial insecurity—the Phan family restaurant is always at the heart of it all. Indeed, the restaurant is a character, a place, a symbol. The restaurant demands her parent’s full attention. It takes a toll on their bodies. It requires constant work and investment from the entire family. It causes stress and incites arguments in the heat of the kitchen.
Restaurant Kid is a deeply relatable and insightful reflection on what it means to be a good daughter, a real Canadian, and to reshape the frames that have continuously been placed upon you by others expectations.
What a fantastic memoir. It never ceases to amaze me how deeply vulnerable, candid, and raw a really impactful memoir can be. Rachel Phan has done exactly that in Restaurant Kid. A first gen Canadian to Vietnamese parents and refugees by way of China.
Phan reflects on so many aspects of their upbringing. Unpacking the racism they encountered from childhood into adulthood, emotional loneliness, the desire for attention from constantly working parents, and so much more. While each chapter has a particular focus—Asian identity, racism, food, parental roles, mental health challenges, financial insecurity—the Phan family restaurant is always at the heart of it all. Indeed, the restaurant is a character, a place, a symbol. The restaurant demands her parent’s full attention. It takes a toll on their bodies. It requires constant work and investment from the entire family. It causes stress and incites arguments in the heat of the kitchen.
Restaurant Kid is a deeply relatable and insightful reflection on what it means to be a good daughter, a real Canadian, and to reshape the frames that have continuously been placed upon you by others expectations.
April 3, 2025
RESTAURANT KID is Rachel Phan's heartbreakingly vulnerable coming-of-age story of growing up as a third-culture kid in an overwhelmingly white community. It is a story about finding one's identity and belonging amidst the grind of restaurant life, what it means to be a third-culture kid, and trying to connect with parents whose time and attention are devoted solely to the family restaurant.
I was immediately sucked in to Rachel's storytelling the moment I read the opening line. Her heart can be felt on every page as she candidly shares her deepest thoughts and struggles of being born as a Chinese female. She recalls the loneliness she felt despite constantly being surrounded by family, the desire she craved to fit in with her peers, and the impact it had on her self-worth and self-image, being the subject of racism and fetishization from a young age.
Reading this felt like I was looking in a mirror. As an ethnically Chinese-Canadian woman with parents who are also from Vietnam, there was so much relatability. It unlocked memories of my own experiences that I pushed down, and the same emotions of anger, shame, and guilt came flooding back when she talks about the struggles of being a third-culture kid, embracing both their parents' culture and their country's culture. Yet, there was also so much warmth etched between the pages with Rachel's lyrical and tender writing. It will break your heart and in the same breath, heal it.
I love that this is as much her family's story as it is her's. Rachel shares in detail her parents' survival of fleeing war-torn Vietnam, and again, when they arrive in Canada. She connects with them and comes to understand their way of showing love. Her retelling of their family's trip to Vietnam has created a desire in me to visit my parents' homeland and gain a deeper understanding of their childhoods. Their moments of joy healed a part of me, even as a reader.
Add this book to your tbr lists. It is one of the most open and honest books you'll read about being a child of immigrants.
I was immediately sucked in to Rachel's storytelling the moment I read the opening line. Her heart can be felt on every page as she candidly shares her deepest thoughts and struggles of being born as a Chinese female. She recalls the loneliness she felt despite constantly being surrounded by family, the desire she craved to fit in with her peers, and the impact it had on her self-worth and self-image, being the subject of racism and fetishization from a young age.
Reading this felt like I was looking in a mirror. As an ethnically Chinese-Canadian woman with parents who are also from Vietnam, there was so much relatability. It unlocked memories of my own experiences that I pushed down, and the same emotions of anger, shame, and guilt came flooding back when she talks about the struggles of being a third-culture kid, embracing both their parents' culture and their country's culture. Yet, there was also so much warmth etched between the pages with Rachel's lyrical and tender writing. It will break your heart and in the same breath, heal it.
I love that this is as much her family's story as it is her's. Rachel shares in detail her parents' survival of fleeing war-torn Vietnam, and again, when they arrive in Canada. She connects with them and comes to understand their way of showing love. Her retelling of their family's trip to Vietnam has created a desire in me to visit my parents' homeland and gain a deeper understanding of their childhoods. Their moments of joy healed a part of me, even as a reader.
Add this book to your tbr lists. It is one of the most open and honest books you'll read about being a child of immigrants.
June 24, 2025
I'm not a restaurant kid but this brought up a lot of big emotions for me to process anyway. I had to stop on one page and reread her passage about being a "third culture kid" as I had never heard the term before, but it turns out I am a third culture kid. I showed that paragraph to my husband and he said, "Good luck getting through the rest of the book without tears." Well, I definitely cried here and there throughout the book. She has announced a second book called "That Asian Girl is a Problem" - I will be buying that one!
May 28, 2025
Phenomenal writing, hard to put down, and deeply emotional. One of my best reads of the year. A memoir I recommend everyone to read.
June 28, 2025
I came across this book on accident but it was a great read. I loved Rachel’s stories about the restaurant days. The lengthy dissection later on of her family dynamics, her parents’ history, and the impacts of immigration might get boring for some but being a first generation American/daughter of immigrants, I connected to it deeply. It’s wild to me that immigrating from completely different parts of the world can still have so many similarities— the disconnect from your parents, the pull to assimilate, the things you do to belong, refusing to speak in anything other than English, then the loss of your first language/mother tongue, the roles and responsibilities of the children depending on birth order, the guilt and shame of either not belonging to one culture and not wanting to belong to another… She does a great job of explaining such a complex topic.
September 28, 2025
A banger!! You will fall in love with Rachel and her family. Rachel has put in so much work emotionally processing her past and navigating her oft complicated relationships with her parents and siblings. The result is this brutally honest yet compassionate and so so personal story. Some experiences are universal but some of these flavours are utterly unique. Beware-- this book may get you feeling like you should really be a better child to your parents or even plan a family trip to the motherland...
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