The Last Closet: The Dark Side of Avalon

by Moira Greyland, Vox Day (foreword)

Marion Zimmer Bradley was a bestselling science fiction author, a feminist icon, and was awarded the World Fantasy Award for lifetime achievement. She was best known for the Arthurian fiction novel THE MISTS OF AVALON and for her very popular Darkover series.

She was also a monster.

THE LAST The Dark Side of Avalon is a brutal tale of a harrowing childhood. It is the true story of predatory adults preying on the innocence of children without shame, guilt, or remorse. It is an eyewitness account of how high-minded utopian intellectuals, unchecked by law, tradition, religion, or morality, can create a literal Hell on Earth.

THE LAST CLOSET is also an inspiring story of survival. It is a powerful testimony to courage, to hope, and to faith. It is the story of Moira Greyland, the only daughter of Marion Zimmer Bradley and convicted child molester Walter Breen, told in her own words.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Autobiography, Abuse, Historical

786 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 12, 2017

Reviews

[Jen Lepp · Rating 1 out of 5]

It is truly rare that I put down a book before finishing, but I had to put down this one.

On the one hand, this is a harrowing exposure of secrets that should have been brought into the light, and I commend the author for addressing the history. For too long, victims have had no voice and we are entering a tipping point where that is no longer true. Heroes are being struck down, clay feet exposed - and that's as it should be.

However...

This book contains damning condemnation of anything that could be remotely connected to the author's harrowing experience. Homosexuals? Yes, they were homosexual therefor all homosexuals are to blame and should not be allowed relationships? Pagans? Yes, yes, of course, that twisted belief system is to blame. Science fiction fandom? Yes, yes, all depraved. Mensa? Weirdos, and the smarter they are the weirder they are. Heck, even fat people get a good sideswipe by the author for having the audacity to not understand they are unhealthy and unattractive and should expect to be viewed as such. Eventually, it was coming so repetitively and frequently that I could not read anymore.

This is a book I would have really liked to read, but the generalities of condemnation and judgment of group after group were just too much for me.

[Miranda]

“I have heard all the customary protestations. ‘Your parents were evil because they were evil, not because they were gay,’ but I disagree,” writes Moira Greyland in her new book, The Last Closet: The Dark Side of Avalon.

I fully believe Moira's story about her parents, and I support her in efforts to recover, heal, and shed light on Marion Zimmer Bradley and the SFF community of the time. I sincerely wish she and her siblings had been spared such a horrific life at the hands of two sick individuals.

However. As a queer woman, I cannot support this book, which not only reinforces the bigoted belief that all gay people are pedophiles, but also that children need a home with traditional mother and father figures:

Greyland says she has spoken to many others who were raised by LGBT parents and their stories are very similar to her own.

“Every single child of gay parents with whom I spoke had certain things in common,” she writes in The Last Closet. “Those with only same-sex parents in the home ached for their missing parent and longed for a real father, and nearly all of us had been sexualized far too young.”

Again, I believe the survivors and their stories, but I dearly, dearly wish this wasn't Greyland's message. Especially now that Trump is President, and his bigotry has allowed other bigots to feel safe in letting their bigotry show once more. We are already facing huge backlash and a battle to be seen as humans; we really, truly did not need a book to be published that calls us pedophiles.

Edit 5/8/19: I'm closing the comments section to non-friends. Sorry to the reasonable people it inconveniences.

[C.T. Phipps · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a science fiction and fantasy author myself, I grew up with Marion Zimmer Bradley as an embodiment of the kind of progressive feminist ideal which was used as an encouragement for young women to aspire to while young men should follow the example of in their own writing. I all but memorized The Mists of Avalon and considered it a guide to neo-paganism, re-evaluating old stories for modern consumption, and writing female characters. The discovery Marion Zimmer Bradley covered for her pedophile husband in preying on the children of science fiction fans was stunning but not as much as the discovery she, herself, was an abusive sexual predator.

Moira Greyland is the daughter of Marion Zimmer Bradley and this is her story of surviving the abuse by her mother. Furthermore, it's a rather surreal and disorientating journey into the world of Marion Zimmer Bradley and her husband. I found myself often disturbed and revolted by reading about their actions but also fascinated by the bizarre pocket universe which the parents created for their children. Indeed, I often felt guilty by my interest as Moira Greyland's words are coming from the heart even as its clear her parents were plain bizarre even when NOT betraying every covenant a decent human being should have with their family.

Moira Greyland gives a portrayal of her parents which is both humanizing as well as not remotely forgiving. Marion Zimmer Bradley was a horrifically abused victim of her own family, tortured and betrayed by her parents, but one cannot ignore the fact she passed this down while her daughter did not. My own loved ones include victims of sexual assault and their anger at pedophiles using their own history of abuse as a defense cannot be understated. Walter Breen is depicted as a man suffering severe mental illness who should have been permanently treated for it but was allowed to go free because the money for it ran out.

Moira's own childhood is a mixture of many contradictory ideas, especially in terms of how her mother attempted to mold her child into radical feminist based on her own evolving ideals of the concept. Speaking as a feminist, there is nothing more revolting than a woman torturing another woman based on her own ideals of how it should be. Marion Zimmer Bradley's own confused ideas of sexuality were also something she attempted to imprint on her daughter even as Moira struggled to express her own non-predatory mundane sexuality.

The book has a rather hefty one-two punch toward the Science Fiction and Fantasy fandom of America which is, frankly, deserved. Marion Zimmer Bradley and her husband were aided and abetted by people who adored her as a kind of living saint. People who often, if not always, turned a blind eye to the deprivations going on. I have severe issues with Vox Day, who wrote the foreword, but for once we're entirely in agreement and I'm glad he helped in this book seeing the light of day.

Some should note Moira has some beliefs which they may find distressing and are the result of her experiences. I refer to the fact she is against gay marriage and doesn't believe homosexuality is a choice. Thankfully, she doesn't equate homosexuality with pedophilia and notes her parents hid behind the defense the way other famous actors [read: Kevin Spacey] are presently doing. It would be grossly unfair to let this overshadow any of the deeply personal and courageous narrative she's sharing.

This is a painful book to read, especially if you have children or loved ones. Doubly so if you have the latter who have suffered sexual abuse. Nevertheless, it is a book which absolutely has to be read. I feel almost embarrassed to add it also is an excellent guide to the inner workings of the science fiction circles of 70s and 80s as well but it is. This is a painful book to read about some bizarre grotesques but the sad fact is the very human Alice in her distorted terrible Wonderland was forced to keep much of this secret until now.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a difficult review in as much as the book itself was a difficult read. It was a difficult read for 3 main reasons, one was purely that while the author writes well enough there were times when it became confusing because the incidents related would jump back and forth with no warning or explanation, it was up to the reader to put the events back into context. The second reason was of course the subject matter, it details horrific accounts of abuse that no child should be subjected to and made me very pleased that the abusers are dead and unable to do do further harm to innocent children. How Moira came through this is a miracle in itself but I won't say came through it unscathed because I think it's quite clear that she hasn't which brings me to my third reason as to why it was a difficult read. The views that she expresses at the end of the book regarding the LGBT community, about same sex couples and adoption and paedophilia are shocking and I think that had I read that first I wouldn't have purchased the book. I completely get that she grew up in a warped community but her ideas are skewed by her experiences and frankly quite harmful. I wouldn't recommend this book on that premise but equally it's good that she has spoken out about the abuse against her and abuse that she witnessed, paedophiles shouldn't be allowed to hide.

[James · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started speaking out about being the child of gays back in 2014, quite unintentionally actually. And the biggest difference between then and now is, back before 2014, I could play harp at all of the cons. And now, now that I have dared to speak about my family background, I am not invited to any of the cons anymore.

— source

Or, you know, maybe it's not so much that you "dared to speak about your family background" as that you have generalized from your experiences with abusive parents to the entire LGBT community, and use your experiences as a justification for publicly opposing gay rights? From the concluding chapter of your book:

And yes, I have heard all the customary protestations. “Your parents were evil because they were evil, not because they were gay,” but I disagree. The underlying problem is a philosophical one that is based on beliefs that are not only common to gay culture but to popular culture. And this is the central belief:

All Sex is Always Right No Matter What.

Let us consider that a bit. Our society has now endured fifty years of this philosophy, and what we have is fatherless households, single motherhood, far more children being abused, and children sexualized at ever-younger ages because families are no longer intact. You may recall that I mentioned a study in the preface† which supported my own personal experiences: We children of gays are more depressed, less functional, and less likely to graduate than our peers. The safest place for a child to be is in an intact family with a married mother and father. Exchange that for any other family structure, and the sexual abuse rates invariably climb.

I mean, as a society, I think we understand that child abuse is tremendously damaging. But usually we think of this in terms of the psychological sequellae for the children— the trauma, the risk of self-harm, and so on. But if nothing else, this book is illustrative of another danger: child abuse can lead to fundamentalist bigot adults who collaborate with actual neonazis to write their memoirs.

† Worth noting that the far-right think tank's blog post she links to here grossly misrepresents the studies in question.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy mackerel

One of the bravest books I have ever read. Moira Greystone is courageous in every way - first standing up to horrific abuse as a child from her parents - who should have been protecting her rather than using her as a thing - and then continuing into the greater world, standing up to larger and larger groups who claim to believe in love while in fact believing in lies.

Toss out all the pussy hats and pink T-shirts. They are shadows of shadows. Moira is what a real feminist hero looks like: a woman filled with love and rage who will accept no more and no less than the truth.

Parts of this memoir are difficult to read. Parts are nauseating. The grammar is not perfect. The book repeats itself every so often, as memories and storytellers will. Sometimes the prose is raw. But it is dense and rich and truthful, and it will change your perception of the countercultures in America.

[Mary McAlister Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gripping and terrifying look at the untold story of children raised by sexual rights zealots

I applaud Moira for her courage and tenacity in writing her very non-PC account of her life as the child of abusive homosexual parents. She draws the curtain on all the sanitized tales of homosexual"family life." By God's grace she has persevered through absolutely unbelievable circumstances to shine a light into the dark corner of the "gay community." This is a difficult book to read but so necessary for anyone who wants to truly understand the consequences of the sexual rights agenda, particularly on vulnerable children. All who care about protecting children should read this book.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to thank Moira for writing this book, even though it profoundly disturbed and upset me. I only wish the story had come out sooner, and the fandom community on the west coast weren't complicit in hushing it up as Moria so indicates they did.

I started reading MZB in the mid 70s when I was in high school, just before she started to get popular, i.e., before Heritage of Hastur. I think the first book I read was The World Wreckers, and Darkover Landfall (both 1971-72) and I shortly thereafter read everything I could purchase of her early works, and thereafter bought everything she published, until the mid 80s, when it became obvious that even though her name was on the books and in the copyright, she wasn't writing them. Some of her early books had a Heinlein juvie adventure tone, such as "Star of Danger" when Larry Montray, newly arrived on Darkover, meets Kennard Alton, and they go on a long escape/adventure through the Darkovan countryside.

I was never a groupie of hers, though I saw them at cons. I never thought, even as a teen, MZB was very good at either plotting or continuity. But she wrote characters, particularly adolescents and women well. Darkover was also great, if not consistent, world building. However as a teen I was disturbed by some scenes, such as the overtly sexual one where a Chieri alien goes from male/androgenous to female (or perhaps the reverse). And some others, such as in Heritage of Hastur, where Dani is tortured/terrorized/forcibly assaulted by Lord Dyan and then, inexplicably, becomes his adopted son - accepted by Dani -- in the latter part of the book. I was horrified and unconvinced by that, and wondering how Marion could write that, or think to convince a reader that was an acceptable outcome. Knowing from reading her earlier efforts that she was not great at plotting, I told myself she had boxed herself in a corner in the earlier part of the book, and under the press of contract and need to finish, and being careless about other plot points, she just wrote it that way to get some sort of reconciliation or plot "happy ending" that the book called for. Still, incidents like those disturbed me. I couldn't reconcile myself how she could write such believable characters and worlds, have her characters do such monstrous acts as Dyan assaulting and torturing Dani and have them then do such irreconcilable things such as the pair becoming essentially father and son. I was bothered by it then and for decades after, upon occasional rereads. I was still buying everything she wrote when I preordered "The Catch Trap" (which she wrote in 48 but published in 1980. Again, it had that forcible rape/abuse thing between Mario and Tommy, but it also had the wonderful Santini family and the gorgeous, detailed circus worldbuilding. Again another irreconciliation, that both attracted me to the book and repulsed me with its seeming attempt to normalize assault and abuse and recharacterize it as part of a loving relationship. I tried to understand that, and failed. At the time, I had been a minor part of fandom on the east coast, went to occasional cons, bought a lot of zines. I never heard anything but good things about MZB, how she still wrote for fanzines even as a published author, how generous with her time and advice she was to new writers. Had I lived on the west coast, I might have heard other things, but on the east coast, where MZB seldom appeared, there were not even whispers of rumors, even from those who co-wrote with her. Just praise. So I admired her, and her writing (plot points, consistency and characterization issues aside) and where her stories went into areas that disturbed me, I reread them and tried to understand how she was reaching that conclusion, feeling I had missed something.

Now because of Moira's story, its obvious where Dyan Ardais and Matt Gardner came from. Also, the whole plot of "Inheritor" is nauseating. When I first purchased "Inheritor", I was a young adult, had just bought a house myself, loved the idea of psychics, and glossed over the truly evil parts of the book where a child is being sacrificed in a satanic/pagan ritual. Again, I thought it was another clumsy plotting issue for Bradley - she had written this buildup and needed something drastic for a conclusion. I thought it was just fiction/hyperbole and another one of her clumsy contrived endings. Now, having read Moira's story, I understand how much non-fiction that part is, how this was a horror Moira lived. I remember loving the beginning of Inheritor so much, I gave the book to others and having them horrified and rejecting of it, and me just being puzzled by that because it was just fiction. I think perhaps decades of reading of MZB since when I was a teen had inured me, perhaps a form of grooming from author to reader. And while it isn't 1/100,000 of what Moira went through in real time, it bothers me.

I'm angry that the SF community, who KNEW, hid her and her husband's horrible behavior, as Moira partially relates. I'm angry that her publishers sought to suppress it and even planned to HONOR her. I was already considering her publishers guilty of fraud, since they had, with the Ghostlight series, put her name on those books as sole author and copyright owner when she never wrote a word. I had bought them, in hardback, spending some of my precious disposable income as a new homeowner and young adult on them, and never could understand then how they had nothing of her author's voice, how they could be so terrible. That's when I stopped buying her books. Later it came out that she had never written them. To me, that is nothing but fraud on the publisher and the author's part. But fraud is nothing compared to the evil that Moira relates.

Being well familiar with the author's work, I read Moira's account in increasing horror, because when she was going through these nightmares, so often translated as plot points in Marion's writing, I was a teen and then a young adult reading Bradley's books, and puzzling over the mixed messages. I remember reading interviews where MZB laughed about bribing or paying her young children not to bother her when she was writing. Nothing of course about the beatings, the abuse, the terror, she inflicted. I'm angry that she received even a dime from me to continue the horrific lifestyle she, Breen and her lover were inflicting on her children and other children. Based upon what Moira writes, I don't believe the fandom community on the West Coast didn't know - in fact it's perfectly obvious they did.

As a very young adult, I had looked upon MZB as a role model, someone who raised a family AND wrote. Someone who wrote about women's struggles, abuse and rapes, but seemingly wrote (I thought) to contrast that with her characters often rising above that. Now I can contrast so many of the scenes I remember in her books with the horrors Moira relates. I can put a decade and a book to many of Moira's nightmares, often when I was still a teen myself. Now I know the things that disturbed me, I had a right to be disturbed about, I wasn't being intolerant or naive. Heritage and Inheritor, which I had loved in part, and thought of as fiction, based on Moira's account is thinly disguised non-fiction in its worst parts. Not fiction. It angers me that she, her publishers, and the fandom community pushed this on readers, in the guise of science fiction, or fiction, and often prettily dressed up in worldbuilding. Child abuse should never be normalized.

I've read some of the reviews of Moira's book, lambasting her for being bigoted and calling her hateful for speaking out against the horrors she lived. Most of these reviewers seem to have read Moira's book, but don't show any familiarity with Bradley's work. Perhaps you have to be very familiar with Bradley's work, loving part of it, distressed by others, familiar with fandom and the SJW aspect of the community, but largely outside of it, to see the whole picture. Regardless, I agree with Moira and I support her. I only wish I could rip out the decades of reading and dozens of books in my head that subtly and surreptitiously tried to convince readers - often children -- like me otherwise. Those scenes I puzzled over were Moira's true nightmares.

As someone who read and reread a lot of MZB, I empathize with Moira and believe her. Again, what I feel is probably 1/100000 of what Moira feels, but that combination of disgust and yet the inability to completely eliminate MZB's past effect on your life, even as small as it was for me, is real and frustrating. I wonder if other former readers and fans of MZB feel the same betrayal that I do.

[LOL_BOOKS]

I AM READING THE LAST CLOSET: THE DARK SIDE OF AVALON, WHICH IS ABOUT WALTER BREEN AND MARION ZIMMER BRADLEY BEING HORRIBLE CHILD MOLESTERS AND EXCUSING IT WITH FREE LOVE IDEAS. IT IS TOUGH BECAUSE IN REJECTING ALL THIS HORROR THAT THEY PUT HER THROUGH, THE DAUGHTER WENT HARDLINE TRADITIONAL FAMILY VALUES, ANTI GAY MARRIAGE, AND IN THE BOOK SHE RANTS ABOUT THE GAY COMMUNITY HIDING AND EXCUSING PEDOS BECAUSE FREE LOVE, MISFITS, REJECTING TRADITIONAL VALUES. WHICH I'M PRETTY SURE SHE THINKS ONLY BECAUSE SHE GREW UP IN A HOUSE WHERE MONSTERS HAD THAT ATTITUDE. IT'S REALLY CRAZY AND DARK BUT IT'S REALLY INTERESTING.

I BORROWED THE LAST CLOSET ON KINDLE UNLIMITED AFTER THAT MEMER MENTIONED IT EARLIER THIS POAST, AND LOL THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF STRUGGLING WITH HOLDING TWO OPPOSING IDEAS IN YOUR HEAD AT ONCE. "MOIRA GREYLAND WAS HORRIBLY ABUSED AND DESERVES SYMPATHY" VS "MOIRA GREYLAND GREW UP TO BE A HATEFUL BIGOT THAT I WOULD DESPISE IF I KNEW HER IN PERSON."

JFC. MOIRA GREYLAND HATES GAYS, LOLSBIANS, LIBERALS, LOL POLY PEOPLE, FEMINISTS, AND NOW FATTIES. I'M JUST WAITING AT THIS DOINT FOR HER TO GO "BTW, IH CATS," JUST TO COMPLETE THE WHOLE HATEFUL PICTURE.

LOL SHE RLY TOOK ALL THE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS FROM HER ABUSE AND TURNED THEM OUTWARD.

Let us not spend more than a moment imagining the gruesome picture of middle-aged fat people committing consensual adultery in the living room.

IDK HOW I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS BOOK. MOIRA GREYLAND IS A GRADE A ASSHOLE, AND SHE CAN'T RESTRAIN HERSELF TO HATING HER PARENTS FOR THE ACTUAL DISGUSTING AND EVIL THINGS THEY DID, SHE HAS TO HATE THEM FOR THE MORALLY NEUTRAL OR LEGIT HARMLESS THINGS, TOO. Y, MOIRA, WE GET IT, YOU WERE ABUSED BY FAT PEOPLE AND THUS FAT PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING. GET THERAPY, YOU HATEFUL JERK.

IT'S HER TALKING ABOUT HER PEDOPHILE PARENTS WHO BY ALL ACCOUNTS WERE PRETTY UNWASHED AND GROSS SEX NERDS. BUT Y, SHE TALKS ABOUT GETTING TOLD THAT BEING FAT = GREAT FEMINIST AND HDU IF YOU DON'T FIND IT ATTRACTIVE, BUT SHE IS ALSO VERY CLEAR THAT SHE FEELS LIKE FATNESS IS GROSS.

Jim used to recite a “poem” which I think expresses the truth of the gay movement, and how it is hardly exclusive to one sex or age or even species:

“I am a dirty old man.

I make love wherever I can. Little boys, little girls, little sheep, little squirrels… I am a dirty old man.”

Y, THAT'S DEFINITELY ALL GAYS, NOT JUST THE PEDOS YOU UNFORTUNATELY KNEW.

GAY MEN L TO FUCK GIRLS, IT IS KNOWN.

WHAT'S RLY ANNOYING IS THAT SHE KEEPS DESCRIBING HER PARENTS AS GAY WHEN THEY WERE ACTUALFAX BISEXUAL. LOL BISEXUAL ERASURE EVEN WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE NO SENSIBLE GAY PERSON WOULD EVER WANT TO CLAIM AS PART OF THE COMMUNITY. THEY CAN'T WIN FOR LOSING.

A GAMERGATER WROTE THE FOREWORD. THERE WAS NO WAY THIS WASN'T GOING TO BE A GARBAGE FIRE.

LOL NOT JUST ANY GAMERGATER. VOX DAY OF SAD PUPPIES, WHO TRIED TO RIG THE HUGO AWARDS SO THAT DESERVING WHITE MEN WOULD WIN FOR ONCE!

When I sang Iolanthe with the Lamplighters I noticed I had let my weight climb a little, so I ate less, went to the gym, and worked hard. By the time Where’s Charlie rolled around, I had become quite slim again. My family was furious. After all, being heavy is good, desirable, feminist, and fat bodies are “beautiful.” How dare I pander to the male establishment by deliberately losing weight?

Yes, Virginia. Being fat in Berkeley is no accident. If you want to upset a feminist, lose weight; they will lose their minds.

I'VE NEVER WANTED TO SLAP A RAPE VICTIM IN HER OWN ABUSE MEMOIR BEFOAR.

[Rebecca Dickson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I could not finish this book.

I do not believe her mother, Marion was a pedophile because she was apart of the LGBT community. She had a severe mental illness. Her sexuality and being gay had nothing to do with it.
This twisted message should not have been included in the story.

I hope that Moira gets the help, healing, and support she needs. I am thankful that she has come out with her story, which hopefully helps to encourage more survivors/victims to come forward.

I hope that one day Moira may reflect and understand that the LGBT community is not full of people with the same mental health issues her parents had.

[Pat Patterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

My blog post , found in its' entirity at
http://habakkuk21.blogspot.com/2017/1...

As a child, Moira wasn't valued for her beauty. She was hated for it, and even more, she was hated for being a girl. It was never a secret; her parents told her how worthless she was, and how worthless she would become.

Her mother was the celebrated science fiction and fantasy author Marion Zimmer Bradley. Her father was a famous coin authority, Walter Breen. And they both abused her, mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually,; they neglected her as well, depriving her of food, forcing her to live in a filthy, bug-infested pigsty.

They were progressive, you see. Material things didn't matter. And they both believed they were doing absolutely the right thing.

"...my mother told me she had tried to beat me to death twice and she had “locked herself in a closet” to stop herself from killing me. ... I was appalled both by what Mother told me, and why: Mother wanted me to sympathize with her over what an evil child I had been, and how terrible her life had been while she was caring for me."

Greyland, Moira. The Last Closet: The Dark Side of Avalon (Kindle Locations 4699-4702). Castalia House. Kindle Edition.
The insanity of that statement leaves me shaken. Her mother, referred to as MZB, actually was bragging to Moira about what a tough time she had, raising such a brat; and that she had made the great sacrifice of restraining herself from killing her young daughter.

Her father, Walter Breen, was a known pedophile. He molested her from an early age, and raped her at age five.
"My father believed that early sexual experience would create gay children by helping them get in touch with their “natural homosexuality.”"

Greyland, Moira. The Last Closet: The Dark Side of Avalon (Kindle Locations 955-956). Castalia House. Kindle Edition.

He went to his death, believing that having sex with young children was the right thing to do; his motto was "sex before eight, or it's too late."

He refused to accept any boundaries, not even when it came to bathroom privacy. He customarily walked around the house naked, and pressured others to do so as well.
"His insistence on nudity made me feel uneasy, because I was aware of his sexual interest in everything which breathed, and I was afraid that one day I might breathe around him."

Greyland, Moira. The Last Closet: The Dark Side of Avalon (Kindle Locations 4405-4406). Castalia House. Kindle Edition.

Her mother sexually assaulted her as well, fondling her while she was trying to take a shower; nearly drowning her once when a very young Moira refused to perform a sexual act on her.

"I felt so filthy and so soiled because of what had happened to me. I irrationally thought that anyone would be able to tell by looking at me that I had been defiled."

Greyland, Moira. The Last Closet: The Dark Side of Avalon (Kindle Locations 4709-4710). Castalia House. Kindle Edition.

I could not understand how this person could be alive, must less well-functioning, after all the abuse. There was NO ONE in her environment who was supportive of her. My gift-from-God, happily-ever-after trophy wife Vanessa, the elegant, foxy, praying black grandmother of Woodstock, GA, and I often refer to strong Christians in our families as the reason that we were able to survive adversity. But Moira had no one like that. At first, her parents rejected all forms of religion; later, they both became very active neo-Pagans, holding ceremonies in their home. Finally, they were ordained by one of the 'clergy' who brought young boys to the house to be used as sex slaves; they named the church they created "Gnostic Catholicism," and continued in their depraved ways. In no case did they ever provide her with any of the spiritual tools needed to offset the abuse and neglect. Thus, I was amazed to come across this passage:

"I had quietly become a Christian a few years before. When Jesus came to me speaking in a small, still voice, He told me that I was His and He would take care of me. I couldn’t tell anyone, of course."
Greyland, Moira. The Last Closet: The Dark Side of Avalon (Kindle Locations 3232-3234). Castalia House. Kindle Edition.
This is the ONLY resiliency factor I have found in her life. She does have a staggering intellect, but was placed in substandard schools where she was rejected by other students and even teachers for being so smart; so, brains MIGHT have helped, but overall, it appears that it was just another thing that separated her from others.

Ultimately, she found affirmation through her singing ability, and later with her savant-level skill on the harp. And finally, beginning, I believe, in 2014, the world has affirmed her, by repudiating the treatment she received at the hands of her parents.

Alas and alack, there remain some morons. I read today a comment by the president of the Science Fiction Writers' Association, a certain Cat Rambo, which attempted to defer criticism of their devotion to MZB by invoking Donald Trump.

Donald Trump? What in the great green world does Donald Trump have to do with ANYTHING related to this story? Just how much power are people ascribing to him, anyway?

I had the great good fortune to watch online Moira's very first EVER public speech, to a gathering of Children Of Gay Parents (COG). In that presentation, as in the picture in this blog, the lighting gave her a halo. That was consistent with the power in her speech; she commented later that she was so nervous that she felt ill, but you would never know it by seeing how well she did. She was composed, a bit whimsical over the fact that the person introducing her pronounced her name wrong (it's pronounced MOY-ra, I believe), and she freely and honestly spoke of her own years of misery, suffered at the hands of her parents and their friends.

It's ONLY because I had seen her that I was able to keep reading her book. I kept encountering the most depraved incidents; in some cases, they seemed impossible. And yet, I'd research the most extreme example of pedophilia, and discover there was plenty of documentation to support it. The fact that Moira, today, is a reasonably functioning human being, able to give and receive love, able to perform beautifully in public, is the reason I was able to keep slogging through examples of the misery she faced on a daily basis.

I hope that she progresses in her healing. I hope that her voice is heard, and that there never, ever exists another community that is so willfully ignorant of the torture and exploitation of innocents.

And I hope the community of those who support her grows and grows, and that the community that wishes to cling to the idea that depravity is acceptable is exposed to the light, and vanishes.

[L.S. King · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best written books I have ever read, and yet I caution those who read it to make sure they're braced for the horrors within.

Moira Greyland experienced a nightmarish life of abuse at the hands of her mother, Marion Zimmer Bradley, and her father, Walter Breen. That this woman has survived her childhood is amazing. That she is brave enough to write about it is courageous.

Definitely a book that needed to be written. It reveals the underbelly of a lifestyle that isn't all it appears to be. I sincerely hope this book can show victims of abuse they are not alone, and that they can survive.

[Jennifer Thompson-Thalasinos · Rating 5 out of 5]

The true story of my friend Moira who is the daughter of two very well known sci fi authors, and the abuse she faced along with countless others. This is a very difficult book to read, but very important especially in light of what is happening in Hollywood today.

[Britton]

I've already made my views on why I won't be checking out Marion Zimmer Bradley's work clear, and I still have no intention of supporting that woman or her legacy.

This book is difficult. On the one hand, I feel deeply sorry for Moira Greyland. What happened to her was and still is unforgivable and she has every right to be angry, upset, and disgusted by it. I believe her story, and I think that she has every right to tell it and let people know what her parents did, because it should be told.

On the other hand, from what I've read of her statements and the fact that she associates with white supremacists like Vox Day, who has said lovely little bits like this, it's clear that this is homophobic drivel. Victim or not, homophobic drivel is still homophobic drivel. I am torn between emotions of compassion and disgust. She's allowed the bitterness of what was done to her to twist her into someone who continues harming others, just like her mother did.

This book, as well as Greyland's own disgusting comments about the LGBT community, has only solidified my decision not to check out Bradley's work. Her twisted, evil treatment of her daughter has spawned a legacy of pain that Greyland is carrying on with works such as this. If I had the chance to talk to her as a human being to human being, I would express the sentiment that it was not her parents' sexuality that made them do what they do, but that because they were sick, vile, and twisted individuals who would have done it even if they were heterosexual. There is no justification for it.

Anyway, onto better books.

[Madeline Sherrill · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt an obligation to read this book as someone who is both a survivor of sexual assault and a massive fan of Marion Zimmer Bradley's writing. While I was put off by some of the author's statements from the early pages, I decided to push through it nonetheless and hear Moira out.

What Bradley and Breen did to their children and other minors in their lives is horrific. I feel terribly for all those they hurt. Moira had an immensely difficult childhood and I can only imagine how difficult it has been to carry on after all she went through. I fundamentally disagree with her views on homosexuality though I can understand that they were formed in response to trauma. To her, gayness became conflated with wanting all forms of sex all the time. This is not what being gay is, as many people know. I'm sure my opinion would be disregarded those who agree with her. I am a lesbian so therefor I must by lying to protect myself and others in my community. But her perception of what gayness is, however true it may seem to her, is simply incorrect. Same sex attraction is not attraction to all sex, all the time, with everyone.

The information in this book has caused me to reconsider Bradley's work. I don't plan on throwing my well-worn copy of the Mists of Avalon in the trash. That wouldn't serve anyone. Instead, I plan on going back over it, knowing all the details, to re-examine the content one of the most influential books of my adolescence.

I wish Moira and all those harmed by her parents well and I mourn those who did not not survive.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dark sides to fairy tales are real


A longtime fantasy/scifi fan, I understand now all the strange sexual overtones in some writers. Their world of writing was just magnifications of their distorted desires. It makes sense. Moira is an incredibly strong
woman endowed with so many gifts. Most of all I'm grateful that she shared with us the truth. There are too many people wrapped in their denial

[Leah · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unfortunately, the author is unlikeable and judgemental and the writing is pretty poor. I couldn't finish this book.

[Steve Cran · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember the impact Marion Zimmer Bradley’s book made upon me. It was one of my favorites and the only one of her books that I truly liked. This retelling of king Authrur has included elements of incest, homosexuality and forbidden loves. Not like Arthur did not have a romance with his sister in the original or that Lancelot did not fall for Guenivere. There was no homosexuality in the original, but if it were true all that stuff would be there.

Moira Greyland , a few years older than myself, lived through Hell. Being the daughter of Marion Zimmer Bradley is no cakewalk. Marion was abusive physically and sexually. Marion grew up on a farm near New York and her family was very abusive. Walter Breen, the husband and father, was an abandoned orphan.

The Boondoggle Affair happened at one of those Science Fiction conventions when it became known that Walter was molesting young boys. He would later meet Marion and they would settle down in Berkeley.

Moira and her two brothers grew up in a hippie / pagan version of Hell. Walter was a nusmatist or a coin expert. Very bright he was one of those types who was a little bit weird. He could not take care of himself and he had a penchant for young boys.

In the sixties he wrote a book called a Greek Love, where in he stated that homosexuality between boys and men was the norm. He also believed that young boys or girls for that matter should be able to choose on their own if they want sex with adults or other children. In Berkeley if one was not sexually liberated enough one was called a prude. According to Moira the parents wanted to raise her as a lesbian. Parents shunned things that made boys too masculine or women to feminine.

All the while growing up Moira was adware of how her father victimized young boys including her boyfriends. Moira herself was victimized by both her mother and father. The results of this lead to aa severe case of PTSD and a sojourn in a mental hospital.

For me this book was an eye opener. All along the way Pagans are coming up as perverts and child molesters. Kenny Klein was a most poignant example. Some example mentioned in her book mention Isaac Bonewitz who asked Marion if he could get sexual favors from Moira. Lewis Carrol used to photograph little girls naked.
It seems that strange attitudes regarding sex are not only tolerated in Pagan, Sci Fi and ren fair circuits but encouraged .

[Annamarie Dauterman yoskowitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A challenging topic, brilliantly written

As modern society currently wrestles with the dilemma of sexual predators and their facilitators, this novel faces a more lasting problem. How do the victims pick up the broken pieces of their lives? And how does dealing with the dichotomy of a predator’s positive legacy compare with the horror the victim endured?

Learning about the struggle the author endured through her childhood, to see the conclusions she has come to and strength she is exhibiting by writing this novel is inspiring. This book will be important for any individual who has suffered in silence, providing a common ground for others to potentially move forward in their healing journey and as a reference for family and friends of those victims.

It is a challenging read, and at times I found myself having to “walk away” from the book. Reading about the violence and sexual abuse the author endured made me want to weep for her, and simultaneously wrap her in a warm blanket and feed her chicken soup. Should I ever be blessed with meeting her, I know I’ll be hard pressed to not offer my sympathy with a hug.

Whether or not you are familiar with Marion Zimmer Bradley, or are a fan of Sci-Fi, you should read this book. Learning about how long the scars of childhood abuse last is important. Not all scars are visible.

[Michael · Rating 2 out of 5]

A long, horribly sad account of child molestation and its aftermath. The scenes are described from the tortured perspective of the victim, then a little girl, Moira Greyland. The references to Avalon indicate one of the villains, a sff author who peaked in her craft in the 1960s and 1970s, a period of experimentation and questioning why our society makes its choices, all of which are valid questions to ask. What is not permitted, however, among any civil society, is to advocate victimization of children, who have no agency or ability to give consent, because dammit, they are not adults. So, it's sick and horrible, and yes, I too, believe Moira. I believe she believes her story too.

The only issues I have with the book (and they are both killers, two stars each, in fact) is that first the language is often homophobic. It spreads misinformation about homosexual people, generalizing the behavior of some criminals (her parents) to an entire subset of humanity. That's completely wrong. Also, getting puppie Vox Day to edit and write an introduction drains the story of all credibility. I find myself believing Moira, but with Day involved now I wonder... Vox Day is an issue that bleeds the book dry of truth. Too bad. What were you thinking?

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gripping and disturbing, unforgivable treatment of the children.

It is such a shame that the author's experiences have resulted in her opposing the prominent communities her parents belonged to and her final message became one of intolerance for gays (down with gay marriage!) and pagans (down with paganism!). Unfortunately, every walk of life has rotten apples with skeletons in the closet, but they do not permeate the whole community worldwide.

I wish the author continued and sustained healing, because what she had to live through was unforgivable.

[Ned · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tough read, but absolutely necessary

The book is well written but it is hard to take the horrifying reality of the sexually abused and their abusers. The light of truth must nevertheless be shone, however painful. People's lives are at stake and children especially are daily being thrown to the PC wolves. God bless Moira for speaking out. Sex at all times, with anyone, under any circumstances is not virtuous, but utterly wild, voracious, and evil.

[Mark Atwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most horrific books I've ever read

I'm amazed anyone could be this horrible. I'm astounded someone could survive as well as Moira. But I'm most deeply touched that she was still able to see the monsters her parents were as still so human.

[Jennifer Topscher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well-written and haunting story of horrific abuse on the part of Walter Breen & Marion Zimmer Bradley. I absolutely believe everything Moira says about the abuse.

I disagree with generalizations she makes about homosexuals and liberals. I understand how she came to such conclusions after a life of trauma from her homosexual parents, and there are absolutely homosexuals who are child abusers, but there are many others who are not. And I don’t think she is in a place where she can definitely say homosexuals aren’t born that way if she herself is heterosexual. She can relate her own experience, but just as she has met many children of gay parents who agree with her stance, she would find many who disagree, and not just because they aren’t free to think for themselves.

Moira is entitled to her opinion, as are we all. Nevertheless, readers should understand going into this that she is making a concerted effort to bring you to her way of thinking on this. It’s not just a story relating her abuse; this book absolutely has an agenda.

Incidentally, just as I finished this book, my fifteen-year-old daughter, who loves Arthurian myth, announced, “I need to read the Mists of Avalon next.” Needless to say, I’m thankful I read this before she mentioned that, and she absolutely will not be reading it. We won’t be picking up a single book by MZB—never again.

[Josie · Rating 1 out of 5]

In no way undermining her trauma, the broad generalizations of ALL homosexual relationships, and non-Christian religions made me ill. I did not make it very far.

[Abby Goldsmith · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a victim of pedophilia, or a victim of extreme emotional and/or physical child abuse, then you will recognize a lot that rings true.

However: This author avoids intimate depictions of the abuse which she and her siblings and acquaintances suffered, and she also avoids delving deep into the aftermath of addiction, depression, self-harm, and suicide. Much is left unsaid. Much is stated with distancing techniques. This is a lengthy book, with large swathes focused on mundane life (horseback riding lessons, life in Berkeley in the 1980s), the author's career in music, and social commentary focused on that specific era and that specific scene. None of these aspects were why I picked this book up, and so my attention wandered.

The author wants to make an argument in favor of Christian traditions and traditional marriage. I was super interested to read her arguments, to see if she could persuade me. Unfortunately, I think I came away less persuaded than before. I believe her points would have been better served by sharing the dark, exact, intimate details of what she suffered--along with how her cPTSD manifested, and the cPTSD she witnessed in people she cared about--rather than the detached, clinical approach, interspersed with trivialities that won't mean much to strangers outside her circles. (Of course, it's easy to suggest "go deep and graphic," and much harder to reopen savage wounds left by childhood abuse; no one should feel obligated or pressured to do so.)

A savvy reader can pick up on the unwritten psychology driving this author, and the pain she wants to express. Whether you agree with her conclusions and arguments or not, I think it is important to acknowledge the devastation wrought by pedophiles and abusive parents. And it's a good idea to see how people like that can get away with it for decades or a lifetime. When child abuse and pedophilia are normalized, families and societies sicken and wither.

[Marti]

I am guessing that Vox Day was the ghostwriter as well as writer of the introduction, because it sounded a lot like his work throughout, but most especially in the first half. The story is harrowing-- possibly too lurid in spots-- and filled with terrible situations. The author is oddly coy in regards to some of the mistakes she made as an adult, but understandably. It's not easy to figure out how to live as a good person when you've been raised by monsters.

The book itself has some serious issues in its structure, pacing, and repetitive themes. I am not going to put a star review on it because the technical aspects would bring it down in an unfair manner. Just telling this story is harrowing enough without someone nitpicking its composition. I was never an insider in the hallowed halls of fandom, so I never knew this stuff was going on. Learning about it has contributed to my exit from the genre. There is a lot of truth in the tale, although some of the manner of telling it is very offputting.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before I say anything else, I'm going to say that this book is not for the faint of heart. It is thoroughly disturbing, as it should be. It contains lengthy discussions of rape, incest, pedophilia, and other abuse. No child should ever suffer the abuses Greyland has throughout her life, at the hands of her parents and many of those associated with them. And I think it takes an extra measure of bravery to come forward about these atrocities when the abusers, especially Greyland's mother Marion Zimmer Bradley, have been so revered throughout the years.

The story of Greyland's life is both compelling and fascinating. First, it is fascinating to think of how human beings can exhibit such depravity and such derangement as to physically, emotionally, and sexually abuse their own children. And for that matter, how they can seek to justify it in their own minds. Second, it is compelling to read about how Greyland fought back at every step of the way, so long as she had the power to do so. And it takes that sort of tenacity to produce the bravery required to come forward.

[Kaitie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The rating is not because I don’t believe Moira’s story, or because I’m any fan of MZB. This book does a factual job of retelling the events in Moira’s life and the lives of her parents, through terrible crimes to strangers and their children. Sometimes in too much detail, which could have been cut down in places.

I do not agree with Moira’s assessment that her parents pedophilia and being gay is conflated. She states this many times, not only speaking of her parents, but gay people as a whole. I can imagine why this opinion was formed, and the trauma that came along with being raised by these awful people, which is an equally heartbreaking part of her story, but I can’t stand by a woman three times my age dismissing her parents horrific pedophilia as a consequence of them being gay as if it wasn’t their conscious and repeated choice to victimize innocent children.

I would not read it again, but I’m satisfied that I did (borrowed) in order to burn MZB’s book that I own.

[Jeffrey Brannen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a terrible story that needed to be told, a deep dive into the traumas of childhood in a sexually abusive home. Compounding the problem are the famous parents who are shielded by their notoriety. It also is a commentary on the dangers of a culture where children are parentified and parents are infantilized in their pursuit of homosexual lifestyle.

When her parents were indefatigable in their pursuit of orgasmic salvation, their children were crushed and cut to the core. Moira’s story leads you by the hand as if you were privileged to sit with her as she exposed her trauma to a support group. And because the accusations are so horrific, the final 40% of the book are documents demonstrating the truthfulness of her claims.

The Last Closet is the final secret that must be told: life inside a family with homosexual parents.