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Now You Suffer
Detective Ruben Ellis wants to die. The only reason he hasn’t killed himself is because he first needs to hunt down the man who kidnapped and murdered his daughter. Meanwhile, another victim is being held captive in a twisted underground dystopia. But does Ruben have enough will left to find her in time? Can his partner, Zander, and his brilliant therapist, Melissa, help him unravel a mystery as dark and unseen as the gold mines that run deep beneath the streets of Johannesburg? And will they discover the mind-bending truth about Thing – the deeply troubled figure in the basement? Now You Suffer is a chilling and wholly unforgettable thriller – the first in bestselling author Gareth Crocker’s riveting new Ruben Ellis series.
- GenresCrime
274 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 1, 2024
3 people are currently reading
43 people want to read
About the author
Gareth Crocker
17 books60 followersGareth Crocker was born in Johannesburg, South Africa in 1974. He has a degree in English, Psychology and Communications and has worked as a journalist, copywriter, news editor, public relations manager, publishing editor and, most recently, head of communications and spokesperson for a multinational corporation. Writing is done at night, in a dark room, next to a small window, under a bright moon. Leaving Jack is his first novel, which he wrote in the company of his three dogs, Jill, Rusty and Jack. A new US hardcover version of Leaving Jack, entitled Finding Jack is due for release on February 15, 2011.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
September 12, 2024
Aaaaargh. Dang it! Every time I read one of GC's books I am so over confident that I know what's going on.
Clearly, my confidence is arrogance and I haven't a cooking clue.
I adore Crocker's writing style and I loved every second of this marvellous book.
Bravo, Sir.
Clearly, my confidence is arrogance and I haven't a cooking clue.
I adore Crocker's writing style and I loved every second of this marvellous book.
Bravo, Sir.
January 3, 2025
I opted to read this novel by an author unknown to me, after stumbling upon a review written by my good friend, Katinka Steyn. She called it “A nailbiting page-turner” and soon I had to totally agree. The fact that detectives, Ruben Ellis and his partner, Zander, are the main characters of a series, was some consolation when the suspense and life-threatening situations became almost more than I could stomach.
Driven by strong emotions, including grief, loss, guilt and regrets, as well as an overwhelming obsession to find the killer of his daughter, Ruben is a fierce opponent. Sadly also a threat to his own well-being.
The involved plot and the addition of Melissa, a somewhat unconventional therapist, made for an excellent read. I can say plenty, but for fear of spoilers, I will suffice to say that the ending will probably surprise even avid readers. I sure took me by surprise.
Now you suffer was published by Penguin Randomhouse SA, found in good book stores. You can also find an e-book on the website of Lapa Publishers.
Driven by strong emotions, including grief, loss, guilt and regrets, as well as an overwhelming obsession to find the killer of his daughter, Ruben is a fierce opponent. Sadly also a threat to his own well-being.
The involved plot and the addition of Melissa, a somewhat unconventional therapist, made for an excellent read. I can say plenty, but for fear of spoilers, I will suffice to say that the ending will probably surprise even avid readers. I sure took me by surprise.
Now you suffer was published by Penguin Randomhouse SA, found in good book stores. You can also find an e-book on the website of Lapa Publishers.
October 22, 2024
My favourite book of the year
By book reviewer and journalist, Kate Burnie
It’s no spoiler to say that Detective Ruben Ellis wants to die. He’s lost his wife, and in the most horrific circumstances, his daughter Kayla. The only reason that Ellis has not killed himself is that he has a mission before he takes his own life; and that is to track down the man who kidnapped and murdered his little girl. His partner Zander Malan is not living his best life either. His marriage is about to implode, and he is distraught about losing his wife Angela. His friendship with Ellis is a deep one, born out of mutual respect and the ability to see through each other’s coping mechanisms: if you can say that either men are coping. Now You Suffer presents itself as a ‘Ruben Ellis thriller’. And it certainly is thrilling, but it’s far more than a thriller. Crocker has proved in his previous novels, Finding Jack, Journey from Darkness, Never Let Go, King, and The Last Road Trip, that he is an author of great skill. His use of language of finding exactly the right word and the right phrase to take his readers along with him is truly astounding. In Now Your Suffer there are a number of narrative strands, the central one could be said to be one man’s mission to find the man who murdered his little girl, but alongside that is another story about another missing child, a cold case, who is trapped by a monster in a basement. The sheer depravity of what the girl is put through is ghastly, but, and this is an important point, Crocker allows real horror and violence into the book, however it is never gratuitous. And, while violence is never amusing the author handles the most horrific incidents with a sensitivity that is skillful. Comparisons may be odious, but Crocker’s writing and style reminds me of Kate Atkinson’s Jackson Brodie detective series. Odd though it may sound Crocker writes both tragedy and violence with sometimes slightly wry observations, the muted humour does not detract from the tragedy of the story, in fact I found they strengthened it by rooting it in everyday life experiences and made it more believable and real.
Ellis and Malan try to solve their cold case and find answers to the disappearance of other missing children who have all been kidnapped in much the same way as Kayla. Another strand of this complex novel is Melissa Grove, a counsellor who Ellis is forced to visit in order to keep the bosses happy and as a condition of him being able to work on the missing children cases. This is as good a time as ever to discuss the wonderful characterisation in Now You Suffer. Grove has an unorthodox approach to her counselling style. But, then again Ellis is not a conventional client. The strands of narrative are bound together by the relationships that form between the three main characters, and to add to the complexity and readability of Now Your Suffer the book features some intriguing cameo characters including a spider who becomes a terrified little girl’s ‘friend’ as she tries to cope with the horrors visited on her. In the midst of urgency and the desire for retribution, reconciliation is also a large feature of the novel. Without letting any spoilers through there are a number of people who need to reconcile with others, or in even more complex ways make peace with themselves – or not. There are secrets that will be revealed throughout the narrative that will keep the reader wanting to keep reading just one more page. It certainly had me up into the early hours of the morning, and then re-reading it for the sheer pleasure of making sure I had caught all the allusions and captured all the action. Without exaggerating this is my book of the year so far. Its humanity and reality glow through the text. It’s also a exegesis of the terrifying power that generational trauma inflicts on each of us, in this case it is mostly extreme, but there are also subtle reflections to be found. And finally there is a twist in the tale that gobsmacked me. I didn’t even have a vague feeling that the story would end the way it did. I also have to say that in a number of places Now You Suffer reduced me to tears, both of sorrow and unexpectedly joy.
The great news is that this is the first of a series and Crocker is already working on the second book. I am extremely happy about that.
By book reviewer and journalist, Kate Burnie
It’s no spoiler to say that Detective Ruben Ellis wants to die. He’s lost his wife, and in the most horrific circumstances, his daughter Kayla. The only reason that Ellis has not killed himself is that he has a mission before he takes his own life; and that is to track down the man who kidnapped and murdered his little girl. His partner Zander Malan is not living his best life either. His marriage is about to implode, and he is distraught about losing his wife Angela. His friendship with Ellis is a deep one, born out of mutual respect and the ability to see through each other’s coping mechanisms: if you can say that either men are coping. Now You Suffer presents itself as a ‘Ruben Ellis thriller’. And it certainly is thrilling, but it’s far more than a thriller. Crocker has proved in his previous novels, Finding Jack, Journey from Darkness, Never Let Go, King, and The Last Road Trip, that he is an author of great skill. His use of language of finding exactly the right word and the right phrase to take his readers along with him is truly astounding. In Now Your Suffer there are a number of narrative strands, the central one could be said to be one man’s mission to find the man who murdered his little girl, but alongside that is another story about another missing child, a cold case, who is trapped by a monster in a basement. The sheer depravity of what the girl is put through is ghastly, but, and this is an important point, Crocker allows real horror and violence into the book, however it is never gratuitous. And, while violence is never amusing the author handles the most horrific incidents with a sensitivity that is skillful. Comparisons may be odious, but Crocker’s writing and style reminds me of Kate Atkinson’s Jackson Brodie detective series. Odd though it may sound Crocker writes both tragedy and violence with sometimes slightly wry observations, the muted humour does not detract from the tragedy of the story, in fact I found they strengthened it by rooting it in everyday life experiences and made it more believable and real.
Ellis and Malan try to solve their cold case and find answers to the disappearance of other missing children who have all been kidnapped in much the same way as Kayla. Another strand of this complex novel is Melissa Grove, a counsellor who Ellis is forced to visit in order to keep the bosses happy and as a condition of him being able to work on the missing children cases. This is as good a time as ever to discuss the wonderful characterisation in Now You Suffer. Grove has an unorthodox approach to her counselling style. But, then again Ellis is not a conventional client. The strands of narrative are bound together by the relationships that form between the three main characters, and to add to the complexity and readability of Now Your Suffer the book features some intriguing cameo characters including a spider who becomes a terrified little girl’s ‘friend’ as she tries to cope with the horrors visited on her. In the midst of urgency and the desire for retribution, reconciliation is also a large feature of the novel. Without letting any spoilers through there are a number of people who need to reconcile with others, or in even more complex ways make peace with themselves – or not. There are secrets that will be revealed throughout the narrative that will keep the reader wanting to keep reading just one more page. It certainly had me up into the early hours of the morning, and then re-reading it for the sheer pleasure of making sure I had caught all the allusions and captured all the action. Without exaggerating this is my book of the year so far. Its humanity and reality glow through the text. It’s also a exegesis of the terrifying power that generational trauma inflicts on each of us, in this case it is mostly extreme, but there are also subtle reflections to be found. And finally there is a twist in the tale that gobsmacked me. I didn’t even have a vague feeling that the story would end the way it did. I also have to say that in a number of places Now You Suffer reduced me to tears, both of sorrow and unexpectedly joy.
The great news is that this is the first of a series and Crocker is already working on the second book. I am extremely happy about that.
November 24, 2024
Move over Deon Meyer, there’s a new cool kid in town!
I want to start by saying that I hardly ever read books written by South African authors, mostly because it used to be hard to find them in a format suitable for my e-reader. Nowadays, that's no longer such a big issue. However, there are still only a few South African authors I consider worth reading – my favourites being Lauren Beukes and Sarah Lotz. I can now add Gareth Crocker to that esteemed list.
Now You Suffer is a truly authentic Southern African crime thriller that has everything an engaging page-turner needs to keep the reader on the edge of their seat. Not only that, it also boasts magnificently genuine characters and a whole lot of sarcastic humour, which is always a win in my books. The novel, although relatively short, kicks off with a good amount of pulse-pounding action right from the start and just keeps going from there.
The absolute best, and most unexpected part of this book? The last few chapters. There are two huge, spine-tingling twists near the end and boy oh boy, I didn’t see them coming. I’m known for spotting a twist a mile away, but these ones were a complete shock and surprise for me.
Now You Suffer is the first book in a planned series of Ruben Ellis novels. As with any proper thriller, this is a classic good-versus-evil tale, with no grey areas. Crocker's ability to create vivid settings and complex characters makes this a gripping read from start to finish. The storyline is captivating, immersing the reader into a world of crime, mystery, and unexpected revelations. I found myself rooting for the protagonist, Ruben Ellis, as he navigates through danger and deception, with every turn of the page, intensifying the excitement.
However, while the story's pacing and plot twists were exceptional, there were moments when I wished for more depth in character development, particularly among one of the secondary characters. But this minor flaw doesn't detract from the general brilliance of the novel.
Overall, this first book is a commendable start to what promises to be an electrifying series. Gareth Crocker's storytelling prowess shines through, making this a must-read for fans of crime thrillers. I’m eager to dive into the next instalment and see what lies ahead for Detective Ellis and his partner, Zander.
I want to start by saying that I hardly ever read books written by South African authors, mostly because it used to be hard to find them in a format suitable for my e-reader. Nowadays, that's no longer such a big issue. However, there are still only a few South African authors I consider worth reading – my favourites being Lauren Beukes and Sarah Lotz. I can now add Gareth Crocker to that esteemed list.
Now You Suffer is a truly authentic Southern African crime thriller that has everything an engaging page-turner needs to keep the reader on the edge of their seat. Not only that, it also boasts magnificently genuine characters and a whole lot of sarcastic humour, which is always a win in my books. The novel, although relatively short, kicks off with a good amount of pulse-pounding action right from the start and just keeps going from there.
The absolute best, and most unexpected part of this book? The last few chapters. There are two huge, spine-tingling twists near the end and boy oh boy, I didn’t see them coming. I’m known for spotting a twist a mile away, but these ones were a complete shock and surprise for me.
Now You Suffer is the first book in a planned series of Ruben Ellis novels. As with any proper thriller, this is a classic good-versus-evil tale, with no grey areas. Crocker's ability to create vivid settings and complex characters makes this a gripping read from start to finish. The storyline is captivating, immersing the reader into a world of crime, mystery, and unexpected revelations. I found myself rooting for the protagonist, Ruben Ellis, as he navigates through danger and deception, with every turn of the page, intensifying the excitement.
However, while the story's pacing and plot twists were exceptional, there were moments when I wished for more depth in character development, particularly among one of the secondary characters. But this minor flaw doesn't detract from the general brilliance of the novel.
Overall, this first book is a commendable start to what promises to be an electrifying series. Gareth Crocker's storytelling prowess shines through, making this a must-read for fans of crime thrillers. I’m eager to dive into the next instalment and see what lies ahead for Detective Ellis and his partner, Zander.
November 28, 2024
Local author Gareth Crocker caught my eye some years ago and I was delighted to see a new book out – thanks to Penguin. As an internationally acclaimed author and screenwriter, there is no doubt that it is his vision and filmmaking that makes this new thriller (the beginning of a series) pulse with action, perspective and humanity.
Unflinching and as graphic as a movie it is a rollercoaster rides. You’ve only got to click on news reports to read of ruthless crimes committed daily, some almost in our backyards. Crocker brings this particular crime into our homes – sometimes a little uncomfortably. Tackling that shockingly high statistic of kidnap and ransom and the greed that drives so many, a crime we are no stranger to, but when the victim is your daughter – what do you do? In this intense and shockingly real novel we meet widowed Detective Ruben Ellis. His daughter is the victim of a murderous kidnapping. Ellis is devastated, hellbent on finding the perpetrator, seeking justice. Once done he can then finish himself off, so desperate and grief-stricken is he. Crocker draws the character intimately. We feel Ruben’s pain; his luck seems to be running out despite the help of his partner Zander and his therapist the brilliant Melissa. This is not a straightforward story – it is an intertwining of several elements that make for absorbing, chilling reading as we tunnel through to the truth. Twisted paths, greed, dead ends, the reduction of a human, a man called ‘Thing’, a tortured past, and meaningless cruelty sum up what we know is happening in our cities today. He tunnels through the streets of Johannesburg and digs deep amongst our tragic stories to show the reality of daily life in South Africa. Stomach churning tension guaranteed. But it is the twist in the tail that will get you! Crocker is an excellent writer – and has a winner with this new detective series. His narrative is highly visual making for a suspenseful and vivid ride.
Unflinching and as graphic as a movie it is a rollercoaster rides. You’ve only got to click on news reports to read of ruthless crimes committed daily, some almost in our backyards. Crocker brings this particular crime into our homes – sometimes a little uncomfortably. Tackling that shockingly high statistic of kidnap and ransom and the greed that drives so many, a crime we are no stranger to, but when the victim is your daughter – what do you do? In this intense and shockingly real novel we meet widowed Detective Ruben Ellis. His daughter is the victim of a murderous kidnapping. Ellis is devastated, hellbent on finding the perpetrator, seeking justice. Once done he can then finish himself off, so desperate and grief-stricken is he. Crocker draws the character intimately. We feel Ruben’s pain; his luck seems to be running out despite the help of his partner Zander and his therapist the brilliant Melissa. This is not a straightforward story – it is an intertwining of several elements that make for absorbing, chilling reading as we tunnel through to the truth. Twisted paths, greed, dead ends, the reduction of a human, a man called ‘Thing’, a tortured past, and meaningless cruelty sum up what we know is happening in our cities today. He tunnels through the streets of Johannesburg and digs deep amongst our tragic stories to show the reality of daily life in South Africa. Stomach churning tension guaranteed. But it is the twist in the tail that will get you! Crocker is an excellent writer – and has a winner with this new detective series. His narrative is highly visual making for a suspenseful and vivid ride.
September 8, 2024
Gosh, I am left breathless by the totally unexpected ending of this book! This is the first time I've read a book by Crocker, but I'll be looking for more - that's for sure!
Ruben Ellis is vengeful and desperate to find the murderer of his daughter, Kayla. He is also assigned to finding other missing girls, but Kayla's case is never far from his mind. Furthermore, he blames himself for her murder, ánd the accident in which his wife died. He has lost so much, that he would welcome death, and that makes him a dangerous policeman!
Colonel Mashaba allows him to continue working the cases on the condition that he and his partner, Zander, both go for counselling. Him, because of his losses and unresolved anger, and Zander, because he is going through a divorce. Melissa is the unconventional psychologist that is assigned to them both, and she quickly breaks down their barriers with her unusual approach.
They work almost around the clock, as time is of the essence in child-abduction. Then they are approached by Sandra White whose daughter Emma, disappeared three years ago. She felt that the police officers handling her case didn't give their best effort, especially because she knew who had abducted Emma. Unwillingly, Ruben becomes involved - hoping that it will lead him to Kayla's killer too.
Where exactly his investigations did lead him to, I won't reveal. But, it landed both himself and Zander in hospital fighting for their lives... and it didn't end there! A nailbiting page-turner if suspense and drama is your thing!
Ruben Ellis is vengeful and desperate to find the murderer of his daughter, Kayla. He is also assigned to finding other missing girls, but Kayla's case is never far from his mind. Furthermore, he blames himself for her murder, ánd the accident in which his wife died. He has lost so much, that he would welcome death, and that makes him a dangerous policeman!
Colonel Mashaba allows him to continue working the cases on the condition that he and his partner, Zander, both go for counselling. Him, because of his losses and unresolved anger, and Zander, because he is going through a divorce. Melissa is the unconventional psychologist that is assigned to them both, and she quickly breaks down their barriers with her unusual approach.
They work almost around the clock, as time is of the essence in child-abduction. Then they are approached by Sandra White whose daughter Emma, disappeared three years ago. She felt that the police officers handling her case didn't give their best effort, especially because she knew who had abducted Emma. Unwillingly, Ruben becomes involved - hoping that it will lead him to Kayla's killer too.
Where exactly his investigations did lead him to, I won't reveal. But, it landed both himself and Zander in hospital fighting for their lives... and it didn't end there! A nailbiting page-turner if suspense and drama is your thing!
June 2, 2025
I lost count of how many people recommended this to me, so on a whim, I decided to forego everything that has been patiently waiting and bump Now You Suffer up my never-ending TBR list.
From the first chapter, Gareth does what any author worth his salt does: he makes you care. Not in some tidy, sentimental way, but deeply, messily. His characters are flawed, wounded, sharp-edged, and human. I adore Ruben, he is a bit of a mix between two of my favourite characters, Rebus and Banks. It’s that rare alchemy of realism and resonance that makes them feel like people I know.
And General!!! I haven't met him yet (hint hint Gareth, but pretty please don't let anything happen to him), but I know I will love him. By default of course, I love Zander. He is the perfect foil to Ruben's deeply troubled, moody depths.
The twists are a bit of a rickety mine ride, quite unexpected and rather shocking. One in particular, but I can't go into detail lest I give the game away. Let's just say the story, like a few of the characters, shapeshifts this way and that. Dark, shadowy and chilling. You are never quite sure what to expect, but have the sense that looking over your shoulder is a wise decision.
Melissa is a breath of fresh air. A bit of a wild card, but I suspect she has a far deeper part to play than meets the eye.
Now You Suffer moved along marvellously. The atmosphere is everything I love in a thriller, tense, moody, and whispering of darker things that lurk just out of sight. I can't wait for the next one.
From the first chapter, Gareth does what any author worth his salt does: he makes you care. Not in some tidy, sentimental way, but deeply, messily. His characters are flawed, wounded, sharp-edged, and human. I adore Ruben, he is a bit of a mix between two of my favourite characters, Rebus and Banks. It’s that rare alchemy of realism and resonance that makes them feel like people I know.
And General!!! I haven't met him yet (hint hint Gareth, but pretty please don't let anything happen to him), but I know I will love him. By default of course, I love Zander. He is the perfect foil to Ruben's deeply troubled, moody depths.
The twists are a bit of a rickety mine ride, quite unexpected and rather shocking. One in particular, but I can't go into detail lest I give the game away. Let's just say the story, like a few of the characters, shapeshifts this way and that. Dark, shadowy and chilling. You are never quite sure what to expect, but have the sense that looking over your shoulder is a wise decision.
Melissa is a breath of fresh air. A bit of a wild card, but I suspect she has a far deeper part to play than meets the eye.
Now You Suffer moved along marvellously. The atmosphere is everything I love in a thriller, tense, moody, and whispering of darker things that lurk just out of sight. I can't wait for the next one.
January 12, 2025
What a surprise…. I only guessed part of the ending and I absolutely loved that. I thought this was witty and well written. My only peeve was I don’t believe the therapist would’ve used the language she did as a professional but other than that what a well thought out book. Looking forward to the next one.
December 2, 2024
What a great crime novel! It is action-packed, fast-paced and unputdownable! I loved it and I loved that there was no political background in the story. It is pure crime and it's a fabulous read! I look forward to the next in the series.
December 26, 2024
Loved this book, Gareth has written a gripping story! Highly recommend.
March 31, 2025
2 of the main characters are what you would expect of a thriller book, but the other brings such an interesting dimension and vibe. The story was so well put together I was afraid of what would happen next.
November 12, 2025
Detective Ruben Ellis wants to die - but first, he needs to find the man who killed his daughter.
Haunted by guilt, grief, and a relentless need for revenge, Ellis has spent years obsessively solving similar cold cases in the desperate hope of tracking down her murderer. But when he and his partner, Zander Malan, take on a new case that cuts dangerously close to home, Ellis will stop at nothing to bring the missing girl back - no matter how slim the chances that she’s still alive.
There’s just one problem: to keep his job, Ellis is required to see a therapist.
Enter Melissa Grove - the one person standing between Ellis and total self-destruction. As Ellis resists her every attempt to help, and the investigation spirals into dangerous territories, the question becomes whether Melissa can save him before his quest for vengeance has fatal consequences.
There are a number of South African authors who have blown me away, and Gareth Crocker is no exception. Not only does he breathe new life into the “broken, revenge-driven detective” archetype with a distinctly South African flair, but he also captures the suffocating weight of grief and guilt with remarkable sensitivity, weaving those emotions seamlessly with action and humor.
Crocker had me hooked from the very first page of this nail-biting thriller. One of the novel’s greatest strengths lies in its cast of vividly drawn, authentic characters - each one memorable and deeply human.
And then there’s the ending - a shocking twist that you will not see coming. Now You Suffer is a raw, emotionally charged South African crime thriller that will grip you from start to finish.
Haunted by guilt, grief, and a relentless need for revenge, Ellis has spent years obsessively solving similar cold cases in the desperate hope of tracking down her murderer. But when he and his partner, Zander Malan, take on a new case that cuts dangerously close to home, Ellis will stop at nothing to bring the missing girl back - no matter how slim the chances that she’s still alive.
There’s just one problem: to keep his job, Ellis is required to see a therapist.
Enter Melissa Grove - the one person standing between Ellis and total self-destruction. As Ellis resists her every attempt to help, and the investigation spirals into dangerous territories, the question becomes whether Melissa can save him before his quest for vengeance has fatal consequences.
There are a number of South African authors who have blown me away, and Gareth Crocker is no exception. Not only does he breathe new life into the “broken, revenge-driven detective” archetype with a distinctly South African flair, but he also captures the suffocating weight of grief and guilt with remarkable sensitivity, weaving those emotions seamlessly with action and humor.
Crocker had me hooked from the very first page of this nail-biting thriller. One of the novel’s greatest strengths lies in its cast of vividly drawn, authentic characters - each one memorable and deeply human.
And then there’s the ending - a shocking twist that you will not see coming. Now You Suffer is a raw, emotionally charged South African crime thriller that will grip you from start to finish.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews