these heavy lungs we breathe with

by K S Whittaker

Genres: Lesbian, Romance, Queer, LGBT, Poetry

236 pages, Paperback

Published August 31, 2024

Reviews

[Ava · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I was in the mood for a poetic lovestory full of yearning and beautiful descriptions. Instead I got a rushed (kind of pretentious) "romance". We were constantly told how much Ara loves Solene, but the why was in my opinion never explained. So I never really cared for them or their relationship. The plot twist was honestly just dumb and I basically felt nothing when finishing it. (Still giving it two stars because it did admittedly have some of the vibes I was looking for in the first third or so.)

[Amber The Ninth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew this was going to hurt but that didn't stop me from being destroyed anyway

Read this if you have trauma, read this if you don't. Either way I think I'll sit down and weep the next time I see an orange tree

[Ariyanna Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my new favorite books of all time. K.S Whittaker you are a phenomenal writer.❤️

[joonchip · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

this book was painful. Beautiful and completely unexpected story.

“You feel this way because she changed you. She carved a meaning into your life that you have yet to find. Don’t waste this lesson on pining. Use it to create, show new lovers what it’s like. Don’t waste her absence on grief. She did not die. Don’t waste this love on sadness. She did not wish you ill. She left. She simply chose to move on first. Now it’s your turn. Closure is not a guarantee. But do you know what is? the courage to heal all on your own. That courage takes time. Solene made you brave the moment she decided to leave. Don’t spend time trying to make sense of loss. Life is full of it. We can only keep it for so long. Don’t waste this lesson, Ara. Don’t waste it like I did after your mother died.”

This out of everything made me cry the most. It reminds me of the scene in call me by your name with elio and his dad. I loved that this was one of the last scenes of the book.

[Larissa Larin · Rating 4 out of 5]

i’m not too sure what i was expecting out of this book but i wasn’t expecting this. such a hard love story for solene & ara to experience. but also a beautiful one all the same.
brilliant writing, i can’t wait to read other things from k.s. whittaker.

[Mirella Hurme · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mun oli tarkotus kuluttaa yövuorossa aikaa lukemalla tää kirja jonka löysin jostai mun kauan sitten tallentamista kirjasuosituksista. Oli iso virhe. Luin tän melkein putkeen (vähän piti tehä töitä välissä), ku sain kirjan loppuu nii mun oli pakko mennä takatoimistoon itkemään tää ulos. Niin kaunis ja surullinen, tallensin ihan liian monta kohtaa tästä kirjasta. Alku oli tosi sulonen ja kikattelin itekseni vaan täällä, mutta pikkuhiljaa tää tuhos mut. En oo koskaan käyny läpi tällästa tunnevyöryä kirjan takia, enkä tienny tän olevan mahollista. Täydellinen tää ei kuitenkaan ollu, tosi moni kohta oli vähän kyseenalanen ja juonenkäänne oli sellanen, että meinasin lopettaa kesken. Loppuvaiheesta tuntu niinku olisin lukenu kauhua ja välillä piti kattoo olan taakse, että eihän siellä oo kettään :D Vähän sellanen olo, että haluaisin unohtaa mitä luin ja piilottaa sen suosituksen jonnekki mistä en löytäis sitä.

[Hester Bateman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Those girls were bananas!!!

Would have given this 2 1/2 if I could but bonus points for having a pretty front cover and FANTASTIC paper

[Skye Nunn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book the other day and it was filled with the most amazing writing I've ever read, it plucked so many heart strings of mine and I've never read something written with such... intention. Every word, sentence, paragraph- the structure was so deliberate. As much as I purposefully read Sapphic books/watch Sapphic movies that end you know, together and healthy (hard to find...)- I read this book without knowing the ending at all. It really delves into coming to terms with sexuality, especially Lesbianism and the common, but true reality of Solene's sexuality, religion, choices etc. It's absolutely heartbreaking.. I had to hold back tears so many times from feeling so connected with the author through the writing in the first chapter. It is very hard for me to read this kind of trope but the way it was delivered??? The writing??? The writing STYLE?? The build????????? The language in which Solene and Ara speak to each other like it's a foreign language (through poetry)????? This entire book is so amazing and it stuck in my mind for the next week after reading it, feeling as though these characters are existing right now after the 10 year time jump- I feel so deeply for Ara. I feel like this book truly depicted this trope CORRECTLY and ACCURATELY and did not make it distasteful and focus too much on the men. I couldn't write a review for a week because I wasn't even done processing this book!! I could ramble for so long about how amazing this book is. If you don't feel as I did after reading this, simple as that, this book isn't for you. It definitely has a target audience and target audience reached.

K.S. you are such a lovely addition to the book community, I'm so glad I found you!!

[ERIKA · Rating 3 out of 5]

i have a few thoughts about this book:
1)toxic sapphic yearning at its finest!!!!!
2)queer people will say anything BUT i love you!! “one look from you & my spine reincarnates as kite string… not kite string, but an elastic band that snaps back into any shape for you”
the poetry within the writing is absolutely beautiful & really captured what it feels like to be obsessively in love🫣 (though i would never do what solene did in Rome for love)

was gonna give the book four stars until around pg 150 when the plot took a turn i was not expecting

solene and ara are so in love with each other that it’s unhealthy. often resulting in passive aggressive arguments that make up by crawling back to each other & profusely apologizing (“i can’t live without you” “don’t ever leave me”) *cough cough* *love bombing* *cough cough*

[charlize sophia · Rating 4 out of 5]

~Somehow you got into my veins. Somehow my very marrow wants you~


K.S. Whittaker’s writing is so beautiful and I didn’t know she was a small author until my wife told me she found her books through tik tok. So for that reason, I am giving this a four star rating when I what I wanted was to give it a 3 star.

This book portrays the tragic yearning of a first love like no other. The love that is not meant to be but can’t find the will to let each other go. I found myself being very moved by each of Ara’s thoughts. Ara and Solene both have some pretty heavy baggage which explains their often frantic and toxic love for each other. This book was very poetic and very moving and it felt like I was inside of the mind of Ara which can explain why the writing is so sporadic and all over the place. With that being said, that was also one of my critiques of this book. While I loved the poetic nature of this book, I couldn’t handle the sporadic time jumps and certain grammatical choices such as the heavy use of italics. I also think I was thrown off by *that* plot twist and felt that it could have gone completely different and I wasn’t expecting this to turn into that kind of book. I have mixed feelings about this book but I want to be nice because I know that this is the authors first novel. Let me know what you think about this book and some other pieces of input you would want to add to what I say.

[Emily Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book is extremely heavy but so beautifully written. For her first novel, I was absolutely shocked by K.S. Whitttaker’s writing and found it very clear that she was a poet (which I loved). I will say, this book is dark to the point where you worry for the leads at points at HOW much more they can take as teenage girls. It seems like hit after hit to these poor souls that it can almost seem unbelievable, but having the narration of the main character ten years in the past helps with its grounding. There were times I was rooting for at least one moment of youthful joy from these girls to relate to, but also I had to remember how scary it was to be a young gay girl in a small town. And being in love with the first time. And a teenager! All of these things combining is all consuming and that is truly what this story is about. All consuming love and desire that escalates every aspect of your life, especially within two very traumatized and hurt people. Overall, I bookmarked so many amazing passages and I will be thinking about this story for a while. Please look into trigger warnings before you open this story! 4.5/5 ⭐️

[Julia DiVeronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book encapsulates the exact feeling of yearning and what it feels like to be in love so deeply. i loved this book. although people say its lackluster in the story line of the love story, this is not what this book was about. it was about ara’s yearning and grief

[bea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sadly didn’t live up to the 5 star reviews

[Katie Shapland · Rating 5 out of 5]

poetry.

[Vic · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my

[Lillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

oh my lord I loved this book the main character is just like me fr and the pacing is perfect to keep me engaged and not get bored. also the way the author advertised the novel was so smart.


SPOILERS!!!
okay ngl Ara just straight jorkin it to her crush like five times within the first hundred pages is so real
also they both lowkey pissed me off with how they acted when the grandma died in Rome 💀

[Kelley Turk · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not what I was expecting.. felt very YA and extreme in the name of “love”.

[Rorie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I beg you to read this book and then listen to “Never Goes Away” by Devon Again. I think it fits this story and the yearning portrayed in the story absolutely perfectly. The writing style in this book took some getting used to, I don’t read a ton of poetry so I had to adjust my mindset and how I approach reading to appreciate everything moving so swiftly and the time jumps. This is a beautiful story, very heartbreaking, I found myself getting upset at our two MCs a lot, you root for them and they always seem to make quite interesting decisions. But hey, the baggage they each possess offers a lot of explanations that you just have to read for yourself!

[cameryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Idk how I had such different expectations for this book but I clearly didn’t read the back lol. I was expecting a sad love story, which is what I got but in a totally different way. The 2/3’s of the book were ara and solene obsessing over each other in poetry style writing, which is totally not what I was expecting. The plot twist was so out of pocket but necessary to demonstrate the type of self sabotaging love they had for each other. Overall not bad at all but I wanted to sob and I didn’t even tear up.

[Sara Merza · Rating 5 out of 5]

first lesbian book i’ve ever read. i’ve never found any good representation of us lesbians, and god the writing in this book just portrays exactly what women loving women is like. i do have to say i predicted the ending, i knew it wouldn’t end well but only because im the third perspective. where Ara was so warped in Solene’s existence i could see straight through her and i have to say i really hated how bad she was for Ara, but it really hit a spot with my first ever wlw relationship. as an iraqi lesbian myself, i felt represented, understood and also shocked to see the representation of it. k.s whittaker, i remember finding this book on tik tok before its release and waiting everyday for it to release, just the title drew me in, the little quotes, and gosh i can say the wait was worth it. this book had sentences that sent shivers through me and shook me instantly without hesitation. thank you for your hard work, keep it coming:)

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had been waiting for this debut book to release since earlier this year. Happened to come across it on TikTok and the scenes the author decided to share immediately captured my attention and drew me in. It’s sapphic and the words read like poetry.


This book is about first love and everything that comes with it, eventual heartbreak. This is not a happy story and you’re warned right off the bat by the main character and her flaws. She’s young and is carrying a deep weight of trauma with her. You piece it together as the book goes along, the toxic mental state her mother was in before she eventually took her own life and how that impacted her father and hers relationship. This poor girl struggles with identity and religious trauma so when she realizes these feelings towards this new girl are anything but platonic it’s hard for her to accept. She desperately wants to be everything to Solene and have her return her affections and would settle for literally anything Solene could give her. (Definitely anyone can relate to those feelings of being in love for the first time.) The obsession, the angst, the fear of unrequited feelings, the sadness it all boils to a head for them when Solene finally admits she feels the same way.

It’s beautiful written because you as the reader can read the room in a way that the main character isn’t capable of, with all her baggage and issues. It’s quite endearing to read these two characters and watch their love story unfold. Waiting for the eventual shoe to drop and boy does it.

The author does it in such a way that I wasn’t expecting *that* to be the major conflict in which these two characters would cease to anything to each other but when it does start to come to a head you almost see it coming but it’s still startling in which the way these characters handled it.

For too much of a spoiler I won’t say but of course there is no coming back from what they did. You know the end is coming and it’s like a punch to your gut. For those who were lucky to never have to experience an unhealthy relationship it may be hard to relate to but for those that do…this book beautifully captures that diving headfirst into your first deeply emotional and sexual connection to someone and the fallout of when that connection is severed. You almost never recover or forget that person and you feel like you could never give yourself away like that again to anyone else. Because how could they ever compare? The ending encapsulates that well as almost 10 years goes by and it still haunts you in every relationship you try to have.

Beautiful first debut novel by K.S Whittaker. It’s a must read.

[Kenzie Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

most poetic stream of consciousness full of heartbreak and tension and yearning OMGGGGG. gay asf. losing yourself in someone bc you love them so much more than yourself asf. literally felt this to my bones i will not forget this book ever.

[Ryley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was excited when I first picked up this story, with the premise of a slow burn pining between two girls who could not have each other for political and social reasons.
The first few chapters explored these deep emotions and I was kicking my feet like yes ‘life was now a thing that proved to be worth living’
The language of the first chapters described perfectly the internal emotions of a first love and I was hooked!
And then suddenly I wasn’t.. what is that plot twist?
I felt there was so many places politically and romantically this story could have delved into but by 3/4 into many decisions I couldn’t relate to, I could not finish this book

[Zuzu Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought I was going to love this book, but the pacing was a bit weird and the characters did some very questionable things midway through that really threw me off and it just simply wasn’t realistic

[Emma Johnson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book so bad. I’ve been on the hunt for good queer books. This is not a love story in my opinion, and that’s okay. But every queer book needs or should always end happily and be happy the whole time that’s just unrealistic. I think as humans we want to see the good and the bad, the happiness and the hurt, so on. However, this book was all over the place in my opinion.

It felt hard to care for Ara or Solene. They both clearly have just been through so much tragedy, but that doesn’t make a person or people unlikable. At first it just felt like over dramatic teen love. Ara liked solene and solene was into boys, but then all of sudden she wasn’t. I think religious trauma and political trauma is very interesting to dive into in queer stories because it’s in almost everyone’s story so it’s relatable, but for some reason these stories did not read as relatable to me.

I felt at times the book was just all over the place structurally. The chapters covered so much happening both past and future. I think the author was too repetitive with bringing up the past, especially because it was only Ara’s past. I understand that it was very traumatic for her which is why she’s low key fucked up as a person, but it was every single chapter that Ara talked about her alcoholic father and religious unstable mother and I kind of just got to a point where I was annoyed every time it was brought up because I already knew these things. Half of the book was Ara talking about her parents. Again I imagine that has to be hard, but still I felt it was repetitive and unnecessary to bring it up as much as the author did and it didn’t give much to the story after a while.

There was never a hook for me into these characters. I felt Ara was just too intense with Solene. She’d get angry and mad all the time because she didn’t have her all to herself, and that’s not healthy. She had a lot of unhealthy thoughts about her feelings towards Solene and the things she’d do for her.

The plot twist just came out of left field. Which is hilarious to me because I was literally telling my girlfriend that at the half way mark I didn’t know how there could be more story. I wanted to stop reading before they got to Rome. I felt like the book was wasted on bringing up the mom and dad. I think this book could’ve been better if we got more from the characters. They were either fighting or fucking. I felt it was insanely unrealistic that Ara went to Rome and didn’t tell her dad in the first place and that nothing bad happened. And Vinos just dying and being left in a suitcase because they “love” each other?????

I think that is why it was so hard to like or follow Ara and Solene in this book because neither of them were ever rational in the book. I’m truly curious to know if anyone is like this in real life. And the ending was stupid. I dont understand how this horrible relationship could leave Ara yearning for Solene after 10 years. 10 years. And then Solene marries a man. Just crazy town.

[Bearrigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book was an intimate, heart aching experience. Whittaker's prose is everything and exactly what I seek often, no matter how devastating the result always are. The poetic prose combined with a solid storyline and characterization kept me hooked from the first moment I opened this book.

There was an exploration of love, loss, grief, religious trauma, and premature loss of innocence to name a few. Each theme was explored and held a special place in this intricately crafted novel. Not a single word seemed to be misplaced, each serving a distinct purpose and succeeding with painful assurance.

This emotional devastation reminded me of how I felt while reading "I Who Have Never Known Men." Similarly, it was clear from the beginning that this wasn't going to end happily, yet as the characters felt hope so did I. So much so that when that hope died, a piece of myself went with these characters, grieving a loss that was not my own but mirrored instances I've felt it.

The conflict that ultimately became the catalyst of their downfall was unexpected, but the results of that downfall were not. It had been foreshadowed and placed in front of us throughout the whole book. At times, like Ara, I chose to live in a state of delusion. That somehow, some way, they would always find a way to figure it out even if they shouldn't.

The mourning of the living is one of the hardest things to mourn because it allows life and possibility into your what ifs. A life of what ifs is a life of regret and a life with regret is hardly a life. The beautifully, poetic prose captured my attention, but the emotional connection that I felt solidified this as one of my favorite books. Sometimes I don't realize I haven't felt anything of substance until a book like this conjures everything forward. Kudos to the author and I look forward to checking out more from them.

[crysss · Rating 5 out of 5]

This reminded me of a relationship I had back in 2022. It was so good in the beginning, but towards the end of the relationship, we both felt this spark die down. For years I thought I needed closure to move on. But this book helped me realize it's not about that. I guess it's normal to still think about the person you truly loved every now and then. It's also gut- wrenching finding out where they are in life now, only to see them with someone else. But that's life. this book really isn't a cliche happy ending, but more of a reality, and I honestly like it way more.

From strangers, to friends, to lovers, and strangers back again!

A little more about the style and writing of the book. I loved it so much because it reminds me of how I journal and the poetry I used to write in it. K.s Whittaker writes with so much passion,, emotion, and devotion to making her characters truly come to life. Her plot really captured the beginning stage of coming to terms with who you really are and trying to accept yourself. She embodied the story of queer people hiding in the shadows not wanting to show their beautiful love to the world, thinking of all the negative backlash they could receive. One of my favorite authors as of right now! Usually out of the gay books I read, some are so cringey, but this did not make me cringe once!

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Frankly I haven’t loved a book like I did this one in ages. I read it last August, and I still love thinking about it and revisiting my favorite parts. It’s a story, sure, but the story isn’t all there is too it, and I’m sure you already know that. The poetry is what is SO phenomenal (not to say the story isn’t, I love the way Ara and Selene interact and the way Ara and her father come to terms with their mothers loss, and the way her father gets clean) I really just LOVE the poetry. As a queer woman I think it’s especially hard to find books or poems that so movingly describe love like our own, and this one does it justice. I ADORED this book and I reread all of whittakers works on occasion, and I just can’t get enough. Is it everyone’s cup of tea? Probably not, the drastic things may push people away, but I think it really developed solene and ara more and for that, I love it all.

[jels ིྀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

holy hell this book put me thru the ringer. so much lust, love, confusion and anger, so much emotion. her father’s last message to her was something i’ll keep in the back of my mind forever. their story was beautiful and was accompanied by such intricate writing throughout the book, but the plot twist was a little too much. i couldn’t put the book down until i read that page, and i felt so weird. it could’ve came to an end in a different way. especially since it wasn’t mentioned much after the fact, but it made sense since they both were just trying to move on about it. it just felt like a lot was left unsaid but i suppose that was one of the themes of the novel. i just feel like if it didn’t come with the twist it would’ve been a 5/5

[Fern · Rating 4 out of 5]

The pacing of this book feels extremely rushed to me. However, I do think it’s because I’ve grown used to the pacing of a story that doesn’t have poetry clearly written into the plot. It feels like many pages of poetry that were written about Solene that were then used to break down years of tormented and obsessive events. This book holds an overwhelming amount of angst for me that forced me to remember a time where discovering my own sexual identity was an obsessive nightmare. This book was similar to watching someone place metal in a microwave and putting 10 minutes for the cook time. A widely recognized disaster just waiting to happen. This “love” story was bound to implode on itself.

For those who care: 2/5 for 🌶️