Borrowing Fire: Rewriting the Eulogy for a Boy Named Wolf

by Ben Behunin

Twelve years ago, after a botched attempt to end his misery, Paul Schafer found himself in the hospital. When a roommate’s funeral opens his eyes to hope, he realizes his life needs a serious change of direction. Over the course of the next year, Paul becomes a part-time funeral crasher in search of answers to life’s big questions.

When his journal from this year of discovery is unexpectedly returned to him, his seven-year-old daughter, Eve, begins asking questions. A road trip back to where the story began enables Paul to share the past he’s tried so hard to protect her from, as well as giving him a chance to finally tell his wife, Rachel, the truth that has been waiting many years to be told. And though the road home is familiar, the contents of the journal carry them all to a place they never could have imagined, filled with friends they’ve never met.

A tale of hope and redeeming love, Borrowing Fire, shares the joy and transformation that stems from putting off fear, and embracing life, love and light.


“… does it have a happy ending?” she asked.
“I think so—but it’s not over yet. And the best part of that is—you get to help decide how the story will end …”

Genres: Fiction

367 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 1, 2012

About the author

It has long been my feeling that biographical sketches should be written in first person because almost all of them are written by the person they're about anyway, pretending to be someone else so as to make themselves look cool or important enough that someone would care to write something about them. I am neither a great pretender, nor good at writing in third person, but I'll do what I can to make you feel like reading this was worthwhile.

I was born at a very early age in Provo, Utah, the first child of seven children that joined the family over the next 14 years. I was raised in primarily in Utah, but also lived in Ohio and Florida. From the time I was very young, I enjoyed making art, drawing, carving, making up games and stories. Through grade school and junior high, I lived in a neighborhood that was nearly exclusively occupied by old people. Having no one to play with beyond my own siblings, I made friends with the old folks and would often sit with them on their porches and listen to their stories as they fed me lemon drops and moon pies.

I was first exposed to pottery in a freshman ceramics class. I took the class thinking it would be an "easy A". In reality, it was neither easy or an A. I was terrible, my experience being much like Jake's in the book. I kept working at it though and earned myself a small scholarship to Ricks College in Rexburg, Idaho where I continued my studies.

A mission for my church took me to Switzerland, Germany and Austria for two years beginning in 1993. While living in Tiengen, Germany, I met Irene Adeler, a German potter who invited me to return and work for her in her Pottery in 1995. I spent four months as her apprentice before returning home to continue my education in Hawaii. The experience in Germany was instrumental in my education and my decision to become a potter. I continued to study art and business in Hawaii before transferring to the University of Utah.

After making a few semesters worth of landfill art, I changed majors a couple of times and with sixteen credits left to graduate, I decided I would rather die than give any more money or creativity to the school, so I dropped out and have never looked back. Since 1996, I have been a full-time potter. I married Lynnette Scott in 1997. Our son Isaac was born four years later and Eve joined the family three years after that. After borrowing a neighbors studio, and sharing one with a partner, I built a studio in my backyard. This is also where I do most of my writing.

I first visited Niederbipp in 1994 and thought it would be a great name for my first born. Fortunately for my son, he has a very practical mother.

When I'm not making pots or pretending to be a writer, I like to eat strong cheese, listen to bluegrass music and hike in the mountains near my home, not necessarily all at the same time, but it wouldn't be a bad idea. I wear bow ties whenever I have to dress up. We don't have any pets, but sometimes we pretend we do. I often dream I can fly, but that is another story.

Reviews

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautiful story about accepting your weaknesses and growing from them.

Here are my favorite quotes from the book:

I think there's a part of us all that believes we should be able to figure things out on her own - that we don't need anyone else. Maybe it's because we believe that if we can't figure life out by ourselves, that we are weak.

If you really love someone, it's worth taking care of them and doing things for them that they're not good at, even cleaning the bathroom.

It's okay if your story starts in a dark place... When things are dark, you learn that you either have to be content with darkness or else learn to hold tight of every sunbeam that filters into your life. You learn to appreciate light for what it is; for the warmth it can give you and for the direction it offers to your feet and your mind. We seldom seek more light until we recognize that we've been sitting in the darkness and realize there is more light to be had.

Love is kind of a funny thing. It's complicated, but having someone to love is one of the important ingredients in a happy life. That's one of the most valuable things Wolf learned from Dr. Dinglebottom. He learned that if there is love in your heart, you can never be unhappy. Sure, there will be hard times and things that will make you sad, but if you have someone to love, you will always be able to find something to be happy about. If you have someone to love, your life will always have meaning and purpose.

Maybe people have to experience the Peace of the darkness... Before they can fully appreciate the Hope light brings.

Dr. Dinglebottom's Recipe for Happiness
1. Someone to love.
2. Something to do.
3. Something to look forward to.

Each of their stories is a love story. Some have struggled their whole lives to find it. Some have been in love with themselves and have died wanting it. Some have found love and lost it. But a handful of the lucky ones have to find it for me.

Love is healing. It is caring. It is unselfish. It is fun. It makes life worth living, even the very hope of it.

Marriage and family, having someone to love, is a critical ingredient to happiness.

The people who seem to have led to the happiest lives, have the best marriages and the strongest families, all share similarity and that they have a connection to God.

Life without some sense of connection to deity is drudgery. It is limited and finite. It is hopelessness.

Faith in God gives life another dimension. It offers hope and meaning and understanding.

I didn't understand the perils of hopelessness until I begin to understand the possibilities of light.

We have very little control over how we are loved by the people who are supposed to love us. We can't make anyone love us, but we do have total control over how we love. And it seems that how we love tends to determine the success of every relationship we have in life. And maybe it's those relationships that matter most. Those are the relationships that bring us the greatest joy in life; the ones in which we invest the greatest portions of ourselves.

They loved him till the end because he had spent his life loving them.

I can influence the future by how I love today.

It was important to have a faith that was both solid and flexible - solid enough to continue to ask God good questions, and flexible enough to accept whatever answers came.

Happiness is about having people to love and doing things for them. Of all the funerals Wolf went to, the really sad ones were always the same. Those funerals were for people who'd forgotten what life was all about and got caught up in believing it was about them.

I guess some people forgot to look with Wonder, and when you forget the Wonder, it's impossible to find so wonderful.

Words stitched together with passion and understanding have the ability to inspire people to paint and build and create new worlds.

The human mind, when inspired by the imagination, is without limitations.

I don't believe God forces anything upon us. I believe he waits patiently for us to be in a place where we want to know - where were willing to listen. Sometimes we have to hit our head on the bottom of the deep end of the pool before we're able to look up and see that we've been swimming the wrong direction in our quest for a breath of fresh air.

The Yup'iks have another Legend, at the river of stars that flow across the sky - we call it the Milky Way - but they believe it is there as a gift from the gods of creation to remind us of where we came from.

we are each of us angles with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing each other.

The only way to progress as a people from generation to generation is to humbly allow ourselves to examine our past and allow the next generation to recognize our faults. If we can't do that, we cannot be surprised when history repeats itself, as it so often does.

The world is hungry for truth and light. It's hungry for good news and hope. When people find something that brightens their way and gives them hope, they want to share it with everyone they know.

All the stories that I've ever resonated with the human spirit - they're all love stories. It is the greatest motivator the world has ever known. As light makes a quick and of Darkness, love pushes out fear and distrust. It lifts us up with encouragement and fortitude. The world needs it. We all crave it.

If we can nurture the hope God has planned in our souls, beautiful things can blossom and grow and bless our broken world.

God does His greatest work with those who are broken.

Love is dangerous. It opens us up and makes us vulnerable to disappointment and pain. Fear is safer. It sews us up into an iron-clad cocoon and makes us believe we have to protect ourselves by pushing others away. And the more isolated we become, the more the darkness gathers around us. It's all a thick, dark and cruel lie.

We have to step away from our fears and be willing to expose our own vulnerabilities before we can experience love.

Love and faith are far more simple than we make them.

if we can just get our heads out of the way and push out fear, love and faith fall from Heaven like a gentle, nourishing rain.

Change begins the moment we sincerely desire it.

If we can put away tendencies to judge, if we will open our hearts to each other, if we'll practice kindness, recognizing that we're all broken souls, life can be magical and meaningful and miraculous.

Life, he taught me, is meant to be much more than a period of time to be endured in quiet desperation. Nor was it meant to be spent dreaming of mansions in the world to come. Each of us has a song to sing, and dad was convinced that if we could forget ourselves and sing our song with courage and conviction, life could be beautiful.

All pain is temporary, all sorrow is fleeting, but love... Love is eternal and will last forever.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Emilee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've always loved Ben Behunin's books. This one was no exception. I loved learning how to be a better person by learning about the incredible lives of the many funerals he went to. The main character was very lost and almost took his own life when a divine intervention saved him. He then went on journey of self discovery going to funerals to find out the secret of happiness. It made me want to be a better person and the dialogue with his daughter was cute. I felt like the book was kind of slow getting started. It took me awhile to get sucked in. I loved hearing the wife's story and how she was holding her life back because of her past, and how his story helped her realize her misguided impressions of life. If you want to remind yourself of your purpose and the difference you want to make in the world. Read it....

[Brianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5. I'm conflicted giving this 3 stars, but in the end I rounded up. I never would have read this without it being a book club pick. The moral value is admirable and undeniable, and the overall message is uplifting, but there is sooooo much dialogue. I wanted to be told a story, not lectured. This could have used another draft before publication to parse down the narrative and fix the multiple typos (a character's name is changed on the same page!). So, not the best, but it did give me some good sayings for my thought journal.

[Lewestover · Rating 4 out of 5]

All of us are broken. Each of us has a story. None of us knows the impact that we can have in the
life of another. This tender book about a young man named Wolf talks powerfully about turning from fear to hope, from darkness to light, from loneliness to love. It is definitely a love story!
Reading it a second time only made me appreciate this message more.

I shall continue to reread this book often as a reminder of the power of love -- both in our own lives and in the lives of those around us.

[Shauna Ludlow Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe I should have listened to this book even though it is very visual with quotes, different fonts, drawings, and scribbles BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY TYPOS AND ERRORS THAT I FELT IT WAS A ROUGH DRAFT THAT I NEEDED TO PROOF AS I READ. It drove me crazy! Where was the editor?

I wanted to love this book. Like the author, I have also been to many funerals including some for people I had never met. There were many wise things to ponder. But the errors were too distracting.

Hopefully the author’s other books were more carefully edited.

[Kristen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I upgraded it to 2 stars because the author meant well and had an interesting concept for the story. I really wanted to like it, but the best thing about this book is the title. There is so much dialogue and moralizing that it made it difficult for me to read.

[Lyndee · Rating 5 out of 5]

While searching for the purpose of life, young Paul decides to begin attending funerals for strangers. During his year of funeral attending he keeps a journal and, as his life slowly changes, he realizes his journey has had an impact on many others, unbeknownst to him.

Another stellar book by Ben Behunin! He always does such a great job at addressing the themes of redemption, mercy, and love. I loved the photos and journal entries. Behunin’s books always leave you with a good feeling (that must mean they’re true…iykyk).

⚠️ content warnings:
•brief mention of suicidal ideation
•one mention of an abortion
•mentions of alcohol and substance abuse
•expletives: H-5x, D-1x

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Told simplistically, the main character looks back on a time when life seemed too hopeless to go on. He attended a funeral and found himself longing for many aspects of a different better life. He attended many more funerals and learned something from each one.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Agree with the principles. Got a little more like a sermon as it went along.

[Larry · Rating 2 out of 5]

Someone is talking to a little child much of the time, the little child needing words defined, needing to go potty, etc. I kept skipping to the next chapter but had the same problem of listening to a man telling a story to a child .

I like going to funerals where they inspire me to be a better person. I suppose I should have skipped more to the end for that part.

[Madelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved book!! Ben has so many talents. He is an awesome potter and a wonderful writer. I have found something so positive and uplifting in everyone of his books.
"It may sound egocentric and narcissistic to assume I'll be remembered at all, but the truth is, each of us leaves behind our mark on the world. Like a jet trail across the sky that remains long after the jet has passed, each of us will have some influence on our children and our children's children, possibly for generations to come. As I have listened to the stories shared by family and clergy of those who have passed, I have learned about hope and love, life and death, fear and pain, triumph and disappointment. But more than anything, the most meaningful lessons I have learned have all centered around one theme: Love".

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a charming read. It is a tale of Love with a capital L. A father tells his 7 1/2 year old daughter a story about a boy named Wolf. He's trying to tell her gently about his own life through Wolf's story.

After an abortive attempt at suicide, a stay in the hospital and curiosity about his hospital roommate's beautiful outlook on life, he wants to find the happiness his dying friend and his family share with each other while he listens. There begins the tale of redemption and love spread in a surprising way.

Again Ben Behunin used his inimitable multimedia style combining art with text. What fun to read and enjoy! Follow his advice and write you own eulogy and then live your life to match your own desired expectations for happiness.

[Marcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! I would definitely reccomend it to anyone. It is not in the salt lake county library system yet, but his other books are there so I am sure it will eventually get there...but if you are like me you will probably want your own copy once you read it...so many good lines and quotes that you will want to remember...I wrote some of them down but want to go back and read the book again. It just makes you think about where you are in life and maybe get you thinking about what you might need to do to go about changing some things about yourself to get you to a better place. I can't wait for more stories from Ben!

[Grant Aagard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most intriguing books I have read in many years. It is a good story with some interesting twists. The author has a love for quotes that I share. The copy I read was a library book but I am planning to purchase my own copy because I already want to re-read this book.
To quote the back cover, it is "A tale of hope and redeeming love, Borrowing Fire shares the joy and transformation that comes from rejecting fear, and embracing life, love and light."
"All pain is temporary, all sorrow is fleeting, but LOVE is eternal."

[Mindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, as I have his other books! It initially was a slow start, because the unfolding of the story was told in the first few chapters as a conversation with the main character's 7 yr old daughter, which made it not flow as well. But, as the story went on, I was captivated and intrigued. The message was one of hope and redeeming love, and it has really inspired me. I also loved all the quotes sprinkled throughout the book. I highly recommend this book!

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! It's a work of fiction that carries beautiful life lessons. A unique format as well as a unique story. A quest of attending funerals for people you don't know, in search of the things that make a life worth living... Lots of reusable quotes, and genuine life changing truths...

[Katie Browning · Rating 4 out of 5]

Going to funerals and writing about them sounds like a really weird plot, but Borrowing Fire was engaging, a little mysterious and a feel-good book. I loved the idea of learning through others' life stories and how you could measure a life through a funeral. This one gives you the warm fuzzies if you need a pick-me-up.

[Cayenne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought-provoking and sweet. I especially loved the theme of how our lives are a tapestry, intertwined with those around us. No man is an island. My favorite quotes were "Do you see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?"--John Keats, "Give me chastity and continence, but not yet"--St. Augustine

[Michelle Schwendiman · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a wonderful story! This is such an inspiring book. I have loved the messages, life lessons, and quotes in all of Ben's books. It's also been enjoyable to meet the author in his pottery shop and purchase some of his art.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

While not my favorite book ever, this is much like the Isaac Trilogy in that the subject matter is very Christian--sharing your light to lift others. It has a lot of good quotes, and is a feel good book.

[Barb Wittwer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book, it was very thought provoking. Touched on hard things like depression and suicide in an uplifting way. I really enjoy his cute sense of humor and the joy I feel when I read his books.

[Rosanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It has some dark undertones because it talks of suicide, etc. and other sad subjects.There is something about his stories that keep me hooked. This may not be a book for everyone to read depending on some of their life experiences, but I am glad I read it.

[Lola · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a lovely project put together by the author. Lovely quotes. You'll walk away feeling a bit better and rejuvenated. It's a nice concept for a book. I just don't particularly love books that are all dialogue, and the kid wasn't believable to me. Read it for book club.

[Gail Woodfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book. Precious truths and filled with faith. It starts slow but ends great!

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love, love, loved this book.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

good better than his last one. I'd give it 3 _ stars.

[Charlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yet another great book from a very talented man!