The Things We Cannot Change: A Story about the Ghosts Created by Addiction

by Allison Spooner

From the award-winning author of The Lost A Neverland Story comes a story about grief, addiction, family, and making peace with ghosts.

When Callie's dad died, she was sad.

When he came back, she was furious.

Nearly a year has passed since Callie’s father lost his battle with alcoholism. If you ask her, everything is fine (thank you very much). She's almost done with her first year of college, and she’s nearly succeeded in locking away the painful memories of her father and their life together. Never mind the recurring nightmares haunting her every night since his death.

Or the sudden appearance of his ghost.

Now face-to-face with the source of her nightmares & guilt, Callie is forced to confront whatever unresolved issues might be keeping the ghost of her father tied here, before it's too late for either of them to find peace. As she searches for truth within the murky waters of memory and faces life after losing a loved one to addiction, Callie discovers that closure isn’t always about finding clear answers.

Sometimes, the things we cannot change are the things that change us the most.


Before I began reading this book, I thought I knew who to root for. Our heroine, of course, up against an obvious bad guy. Friends, I was wrong. As in real life, I found myself rooting for everyone, frustrated with everyone, and astounded by the complex resiliency of families for whom addiction has been a wrecking ball. Allison Spooner has given her characters--and readers--a tremendous The dignity of being human. Don't miss it."
--Sarah Arthur, bestselling author of Once a A Novel

355 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 30, 2024

Reviews

[Vixen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story was definitely a very emotional read. My life was also touched by alcohol addiction but in a very different way but I was very much able to relate to this story. The story hurt my heart to read but it was meant to and it was important to read, to understand.... as story like this can create change and understanding to the struggle that is addiction. Some make it through.... some don't but every story matters. I am not really sure what else to say other than I think this story worth reading and I definitely recommend it.

[Olivia Sparrow · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Things We Cannot Change is a poignant and haunting novel that explores the full gamut of emotions and unanswered questions loved ones are left with in the wake of loss and addiction.

It was a pleasure to be an ARC reader for Allison’s work, thank you for sharing your writing with the world.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a feeling that most readers can relate to this story. So many people battle with demons and use substances to relieve that pain. Whether it's you, a family member, or a friend, many have gone through it. This is a great story to show the process of healing. It's a work of fiction that reads like nonfiction, one that many can insert themselves in.

[Amy Rupp · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very emotional book. The last few chapters had me crying. Having been previously married to an alcoholic, I was reflecting a lot while reading. I just finished moments ago and I know that this one is going to sit with me for a long time.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for sharing your experiences with such vulnerability. It gives readers authentic insight into the range of intense emotions most people must feel after a loss like this, which helps me to understand the impact of a friend who lost her mother to alcoholism. Your story gives them permission to embrace ALL of it without judgement. I’m so glad you wrote that paper.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Things We Cannot Change is by far one of the best books I've read in 2024. Spooner did an amazing job weaving fact and fiction together. The story will break your heart and then slowly put it back together again.

A year ago Callie's father lost her battle with alcoholism. Almost done with her first year of college she has convinced herself that everything is fine, by suppressing as much of her painful memories as she can. The only problem is she has nightly nightmares ever since he passed.

Then on her trip back home from college, Callie is suddenly confronted by her dad's ghost. Mad that he's here and she now has to deal with her unresolved issues, Callie is determined to do what she can to help them both find peace.

I can't begin to put into words just how much I loved this book. The experience that Spooner has created with the Things We Cannot Change is completely immersive. At the end of some chapters you are able to scan a QR code that will take you to a performance piece that compliments the chapter. These pieces are inspired by/taken from her father's real life work and completed by her brother Andrew and her. They have created something truly special and should be proud of it. I'm sure their father would be.

If you are looking for a book that will give you all the feels, I can't recommend this one enough. Spooner is by far one of my favorite authors; I can't wait to see what she does next.

[Cammie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Talk about an emotional ride! This book pulled me in and didn’t let me go, even after finishing it. As someone that comes from a family suffering with addiction as well as being a recovering alcoholic, this got me right in the feels!

This story follows Callie and her journey through resentment, healing and literally facing her ghost head on. The real life aspects of the author’s own story shine through in such a raw and vulnerable way that brought tears to my eyes many times.

In the end, I’m left with hope that forgiveness is true strength and that children of those suffering from addictions can overcome their trauma (or at least learn how to be better themselves). I will always be grateful that I read this book and will recommend it to anyone that will listen to me.

[Myranda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found out through the author's social media that some of the conversations and scenes in this book actually happened in real life. Once I learned that and started reading it, so many more emotions started to come to the surface. My heart went out for Callie and her family. I was sad and angry with her. I can't say too much more because I don't want to give any spoilers but I would highly recommend watching the author's social media for the whole month of September to gain some extra insight into this story prior to reading. This will definitely be a book I read again!

Full review will be on my website on Tuesday 9.24.24

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are many detriments of having an alcoholic dad. One being him yelling in the middle of the night for the bottle that your mom hid from him, to try and have a peaceful night, but eventually your mom gives in and gives him the bottle cause she thinks that it will shut him up, but it only makes him yell more and more till he yells himself to sleep. Then he gets so engulfed in the bottle that he drinks himself to death, even though he has two precious little kids that love him so dearly. The target audience of the memoir The Things We Cannot Change are the people who have experienced what alcohol can do to someone and how bad it can be.

In the book The Things We Cannot Change the protagonist is named Callie and we find out very early into the book that she is a depressed college teen who is struggling with the grief of her dead father and she has to deal with her mom being on her back about her coming up for break because she needs to talk to her and with all of this on her back her mom asks her to go to a family friend to grab some her dads stuff that was left behind. Callie is hesitant to put she folds because its her mom and she gets dressed and leaves the house.She pulls up to the house she reads a sign that talks about how the person inside can see the future then she sees him, a shadow standing at the front of the porch with greeting arms waiting, smiling. She does not go into his greeting arms she runs instead, back to the safety of her car she slams the gear into reverse and speeds backward and she fails her mission that her mom asked her to do. When she gets to her moms house, the memories flood her brains like malware. She remembers all of the nights that have haunted her the past years. She goes up to her room and she crawls and dwells under her covers for a while, he also comes along and watches over her. That’s just some of the beginning of this heartfelt story.The purpose of this memoir is to show other people how hard life can be with an alcoholic parent and what damage they can do to a person not only physically but emotionally too and it does a good job of showing the damage of her dads actions on her emotions and nothing physically because he did not hit her.

The story is very well written. I have nothing bad to say except that she kinda throws you into flashbacks and it's kinda hard to follow at some parts but other than that I only have good things to say about this book. For example, the way she tells the book is very good. She uses punctuation very well and emphasizes breaks/pauses when needed and she also gives you a very clear idea of what's happening and tells the reader what she was thinking and how she was always feeling. Another thing that she does really well is she uses action words to show what's going on and how the characters are interacting between each other. She also tells the reader during the story how she is coping with her emotions during these events.

In conclusion this book is a very good read for teens or adults who are looking for a good read and are interested or have experienced the down side of alcohol.

[Phoebe Richo · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

I don't think I've ever read a book that felt so real and human to me before. Not only did the characters feel real, but it was to the extent that I wanted to reach out and hold them. I wanted to be their shoulder to cry on.

There were many scenes in the book where I teared up and to avoid spoilers I won't discuss them, however, one scene broke me and I wanted to crumble to my knees and sob with Callie.

The Things We Cannot Change is a beautiful, touching story of the complicated nature of humanity and the layered relationships we have with one another. This book made me feel things that no other book has, and as a result, I believe I'm a more emotionally open reader.

If you're in the mood for an emotionally fuelled story of grief and forgiveness, please pick up The Things We Cannot Change. Although this book is targeted at ages 12 to 18, it is quite emotionally heavy and doesn't hide away from Callie's experience of having an alcoholic father. Even if you're over 18 (like me), I still recommend this.

I received an advance readers copy from the publisher at no cost but all opinions are my own

[Missy Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book for anyone touched by any addiction as it captures the tumultuous life that accompanies the relationships of those tethered around the addict. Allison’s book is an honest and relatable account of a father daughter relationship stained by alcoholism. Probably the best tribute I can give is that I frequently stopped reading as my own memories of growing up with an alcoholic dad surfaced. The dysfunction of such a family was well illustrated in dialogue and emotional tension between the characters. Allison has a fantastical imagination and weaves her storyline with care and in a concise style. Anyone who has dealt with the addiction of another will recognize the powerless the main character feels and the urge to consider recovery as the addict’s task and not theirs. The journey to reconcile what the family has lost and acknowledge all truths is what this book is all about and it does it well.

[Larae Perry · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Things We Cannot Change by [Author's Name] struck a deep chord with me. Following the author’s acclaimed The Lost Girl: A Neverland Story, this novel dives into the raw and complex emotions surrounding grief and addiction with a poignant and personal touch.

Callie, the protagonist, is grappling with the recent death of her alcoholic father. When his ghost appears, she’s forced to confront the unresolved pain she’s been avoiding. I found Callie’s journey incredibly relatable and moving. Her nightmares and the ghostly encounters create an atmosphere that’s both haunting and heartfelt.

The book’s exploration of addiction and its effects on family is handled with sensitivity and depth. While there are moments where the story slows down, the emotional depth and the way Callie’s struggles are portrayed made it all worthwhile.

This novel resonated with me on a personal level, making me reflect on my own experiences with loss. It’s a beautifully written story that earned a well-deserved 4.5 stars for its powerful narrative and emotional honesty.

[Cassi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading about addiction is tough. Whether you’ve been through it on either end yourself or know somebody who has, we all fall on either side of this proverbial fence. That said, it is virtually impossible to judge or formulate an opinion of a book on this topic – every story is different, and every story is so real for everyone involved. Judgment or criticism for anyone who dares to write books like this has absolutely no place here. My hat goes off to you all and my heart goes out to you. Bravo!

I will say that this book was beautifully written. It appealed to my empathy, compassion, and humanity. It also made me sob (Spoiler: most books do not). No matter what our own experience is with this disease, I would like to think we can all have respect for someone telling their story – especially when it hits your soul.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Allison Spooner writes in a way that allows you to deeply feel and to connect with her characters in a way that makes them feel so real. I’ve not experienced the exact scenario in the book but I have experienced grief at the death of loved ones and some at a young age that I didn’t know how to work through and process so that part hit home with me. I was invested in Callie’s story from the start. I really appreciated the journey her emotions and processing her feelings took her on and I also appreciated that, while there was an ending that was hopeful, it wasn’t necessarily happy in the sense that she finished working through everything and now everything is all good. Grief is a process that never really ends and I loved that this book portrayed that.

[Tammy Carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this at a time where I needed it, but didn’t know I needed it. A few short days after getting about 50% in, I lost my grandfather. He lived a long, addiction filled life. This book opened my eyes to some trauma that probably happened but I wasn’t aware of it. Addiction runs through my dna, my entire family is riddled with it. This book gave me perspective, it gave me hope and it gave some a sense of closure. I was told to stop because of what I was going through, but I couldn’t stop. This is what I needed at that time. I loved this book and got a copy and plan to reread it every-time I feel like it’s my fault addiction is here.

[Kayleigh Slone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m crying as I write this review. The ending scene will stick with me for a very long time.
This was an emotional journey and one that I, admittedly, wasn’t prepared for. Allison did a flawless job capturing memories and moments and immersing the reader.
I laughed at the sass and felt feelings I haven’t let myself feel in a while. I just tried summarizing the book to my partner and ended up breaking down a bit because parts of it felt so real to me, like they were my memories.
I want to thank Allison for writing it. It was a pleasure to be an ARC reader for this work.

[Kay Cobbold · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an emotional read and there was lots about Callie’s story with which it could connect, I never had an alcoholic parent but there have been certain things from my past which I had repressed before, finally, facing and dealing with them. I understood the denial; the lack of emotion and the sense of betrayal, and I loved the way Allison Spooner used Callie’s father’s ghost as a conduit. This book was gripping; not always an easy read, but one which was thought provoking and which will stay with me for a very long time. We’ll done, Allison Spooner!

[Jessica James · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is absolutely breathtaking, this book will move you to anger, to tears and just maybe forgiveness. Those of us who understand this book on a personal level would say Bravo and i so hope this book will help heal a little piece as it has for me. This book taught me you may never get the apology or the why buy in the end it will be alright. I love this book and if i could rate it 10 stars i would.

[Imina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book. Oooweee. Where do I start? I love how this book seems current but also takes me back to my teenage years (and I’m in my 40’s). I love how Cali sees all of her dad. Not just her dad but him as a husband friend person son after his death. I love how her hate around the circumstances changes and she softens to love and appreciate her father and she breaks generational traumas to become a better person as he desired.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't say enough great things about this book. I was lucky enough to be on the ARC team for this book. Last year, I read this author's debut book, "The Lost Girl," and I knew I would get a story that hit all the feels. This story is about a young woman grappling with the death of her father from addiction. The writing is moving and poignant and will tear at your heart. I can't recommend this book enough.

[Unchartedtt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Allison’s immersive language immediately pulls you in like a gentle hand guiding you through her healing journey. You feel like you are observing from above experiencing each step with her. I cried, I laughed, I warmly soaked up the connections, and ached with her. This is a powerful and emotional journey with light humor and thoughtful transitions. If you are looking for a quick read with a strong tug at your heart and mind, this is your story. You will not regret it.

[Sophy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story follows a girl who is struggling with the loss of her father, and we get to follow her as she works through her trauma. She is called back home, which she has been avoiding because she's been having nightmares. On this trip back home, she is greeted by the ghost of her father, and they go on a journey together to help her heal. This story makes you feel many different emotions as our main character works through her trauma.

[Bri VeltKamp · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had me in my feelings from the beginning. I love a book where I can put myself in the shoes of the main character and this book did just that for me.
Like Callie, I have experienced alcoholism from all angles, the good, bad, ugly and the “ghosts”. This book depicts the trauma and grief that alcoholism can bring to a family.

I 100% would recommend this book to ANYONE.

[Stefanie Gilmour · Rating 5 out of 5]

What would you say to a loved one lost to addiction if they haunted you as an actual ghost? I enjoyed being by Callie’s side while she wrestled with how to move forward from her father’s death. Spooner has a talent of exploring the many layers of human emotion through her storytelling instead of falling back on stereotypes.

[Melissa McCoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

With The Things We Cannot Change, Allison Spooner has once again delivered a satisfying story that will pull at the heartstrings. Featuring compelling characters, and a plotline that many will find relatable, this beautifully written book provides a healing journey as well as a great read. I highly recommend it! https://www.tiktok.com/@melissamcread...

[Favour Creative · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Things We Cannot Change is a deeply moving story about love, loss, and the haunting shadows of addiction. Allison Spooner writes with raw honesty and tenderness, pulling you into Callie’s journey of grief and reluctant healing. It’s heartbreaking, yet ultimately hopeful a book that lingers long after the last page.

[Kate Cormier · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was SO good! It had me crying, it had me happy, it had me questionining my own grief process but in the end i truly did enjoy it.

Grief can be so weird and it truly did show just another way it can be presented. I would highly recomend this book to just about anyone!!

[Katie Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book about a difficult and traumatic issue that the author somehow made feel cozy. The story is about a young woman who loses her father to alcoholism, and he returns as a ghost, but she doesn’t want to see him. Her story of growth and change is really beautiful. I loved reading this.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a personal story that was very brave of her to write. I loved the writing and it was an interesting story to read. People from both sides of addiction will like this book. It is simultaneously healing and heartbreaking.

[Nancy Bliesener · Rating 5 out of 5]

Currently half way through this book. I can't put it down once I pick it up.
Must read for others that are or have been through this. Not your typical read about addiction and the way that it destroys families. I'm enjoying the book. I hope you will too.