How Was It for You?: Stories from a Sex Worker

by Eve Smith, Chloe Massey (narrator)

The author of How Was It for You? is a sex worker. Let’s call her ‘Eve’. Eve is someone’s partner. Someone’s mother. And she has worked across the sex industry for twenty in a brothel, as an escort in a strip club, online and as a dominatrix. In this candid memoir she reveals the good stuff, the bad, the downright ugly, and the boring bits too. Responding to the relentless attacks on sex work by MPs and the police, as well as trying to make sense of the pitiful opportunities for progression in minimum wage jobs, Eve takes an informed look at the parts of the system which, perhaps more than ever, make it impossible for people with fewer opportunities to thrive. We lie with her poolside as she visits wealthy clients at their Caribbean villas. We watch from the public gallery as she is dragged in and out of court by the law. We perch at her side in a cell as she contemplates the true meaning of freedom. And we’re with her as she discovers she's pregnant and her body is given another job to growing and giving birth to a baby. Honest, eye-opening, full of fury but frequently funny, How Was It for You? is a compelling commentary on what’s happening in society’s shadows, and a walk in someone else’s high heels that you won’t forget in a hurry.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Memoir, Biography, Feminism, Sexuality, Autobiography

Audiobook

Published June 20, 2024

About the author

'Eve Smith' has worked for over twenty years in almost all areas of the sex industry: in a brothel, as an escort, as a hostess, in a strip club, online, and as a dominatrix. She lives and works in the north of England. How Was It for You? is her first book. Eve Smith is a pseudonym.

Reviews

[Elle · Rating 3 out of 5]

A really interesting read, my main critique and the reason for the low rating was the very blatant internalised misogyny from the author, her commentary about other women and sex workers often left me feeling a bit ick. However, she raised some incredible points about the importance of the decriminalisation of Sex work. Her own lived experience with the criminal justice system demonstrated the significant disconnect between lawmakers and SW’s.

[Ⓢ Ⓨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who is completely for the decriminalisation of prostitution, I was excited to read Eve’s story. I love the clever book cover and it definitely drew me in.

The book has a non linear timeline, which was a bit confusing at first, but the short and engaging chapters were easy to get through.

Eve talks honestly and openly about her experiences with different types of work; brothels, being a dominatrix and also “normal” jobs. She shares some insight on her bosses, customers, working environments and her colleagues/other working girls.

I really wanted to like Eve, but unfortunately, she came across as quite bitter, jealous, greedy and judgemental. She seemed to look down on those working minimum wage jobs and even other sex workers and came across as quite hypocritical in places. Her bitterness towards those with money and anyone in a position of authority took away from the story I think she wanted to tell.

The turning point for me was when she spoke of the 14 year old girl answering the phones. She just “walked away”, why didn’t she call the police? Why didn’t she get that girl some help?

Eve comes across as someone who is bright and hard working but seemingly chose to surround herself with untrustworthy people and an awful lot of drugs. Whilst she claims to not have a problem with them, she sure seems to do a lot of cocaine, and if £300 a day isn’t enough to live on, I’m really not sure we’ve heard the full story here.

She discloses trauma from her past and her difficult relationship with her parents, which unfortunately, plays in to the narrative she’s trying to deny; that girls often end up in the sex industry due to poor life experiences.

Alongside her sex stories, we hear of her pregnancy and follow her experiences into motherhood. It was interesting to read how she navigated working and pregnancy.

Thank you Eve for sharing your story, I wish you all the best with your daughter and the future.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Pan MacMillan for my advanced copy.

[Polly Perks · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting read, although the author radiates anger through every word. She is desperate to convince us that she is not one of *those* sex-workers, the ones with a tragic background and unhappy home life - then contradicts herself almost immediately. At times she appears to be fighting for the rights and status of sex workers, but also seems to look down on them, or certain of them at any rate.
Regardless, it’s definitely a very interesting read.

[Jamie Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

"When a sex worker is killed, it's important that as many people as possible understand that the killer is just like the gangs of police that rob the brothels. It's a man who knows he will get away with it. It's important for as many people as possible to know that the laws in this country are there to protect him, not us."

A furious memoir that implodes all misgivings about sex work. The structure of the narratives is truly impeccable and allows for a slow, at first palatable, provocative glamour of sex work (a la Belle de Jour), with some explicit detail and direct address to include and entice the reader. it softens and eventually the monotony of it all hits and the political and social commentary take centre stage.

It's a phenomenal call to action that highlights the insanity of the British legal system surrounding sex work, as well as a deft dissection of class, economic disparity and the illusion of meritocracy. Moreover, an awfully raw depiction of pregnancy and its impact on being able to sustain oneself financially and mentally.

[Zoe Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐

[River · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75/5

I am so grateful that this book exists and that I get to read from a lived experience that I would likely otherwise never get to. I loved how witty and engaging this memoir was, I loved how the author's passion and anger shone through.

However, I found that there were some negatives to this book as well. As with most memoirs, we are reading an extremely personal account of someone's life and ideology, and therefore there will almost always be aspects that we disagree with as well.
I thought it extremely insightful in most areas about sex work; about the awful stereotypes perpetuated on TV; about the radical feminists who don't actually care about sex workers' opinions on their own livelihood; and about the fact that we need to fight for decriminalisation and safety for all sex workers. But there were also parts I didn't wholly agree with and that I thought were sometimes hypocritical, I think there was some internalised misogyny and internalised classism that was never addressed or thought as critically upon. What mostly concerned me, though, were the genuinely dangerous situations the author witnessed others in and simply walked away from. I know these situations can be a lot more difficult and nuanced than others could ever imagine, but I couldn't help but feel that there were times when it was vital not to walk away. But, as the reader, we could only follow where she went.

I don't want to get too specific about these situations as I think this book deals with some very heavy themes and I don't want to thrust those upon other people without the sufficient warnings. (Please check the content warnings!)
But, overall, I think this book is a very important one and, although flawed, I think there is a lot to learn from it. It definitely forces the reader to confront any prejudices or biases they might have had, whether they realised it or not. It challenges a lot of the institutionalised prejudice that is built into our laws and our media. I gained a lot from reading this and that is why I think this is such a fascinating read. I'm very grateful that the author chose to share her experiences.

[Gabby Humphreys · Rating 2 out of 5]

Feel like I need to defend this rating …

Slay to shining a light on this industry being gruelling, how legalising behaviour will bring more safety, and the stigma we still need to remove in society on sexwork…

But it felt like the author was bringing down other sex workers in a pretty venomous way? Idk something didn’t sit right bc this book is supposed to be championing all surely? V glad reading other reviews that it wasn’t just me a little confused.

[currentlyreadingbynat · Rating 3 out of 5]

How Was It for You?: Stories from a Sex Worker offers an insightful and humorous look at the sex industry, with the author's thoughts on decriminalisation and the hypocrisies surrounding sex work being both compelling and thought-provoking. Her witty commentary shines when discussing the stigma and challenges sex workers face.

However, the book suffers from a lack of self-awareness. The author's own contradictions—such as moralising about certain behaviours while engaging in them herself—diminish her arguments. Her internalised misogyny and bitterness also make it difficult to fully connect with her perspective. The author comes across as quite an angry and at times, I struggled with continuing to read it. This novel is an intriguing read, but it's also quite uncomfortable at times.

[Brittany (whatbritreads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Thank you to the publisher for providing me with an early copy of this to review!*

Ever since I got offered a proof of this book, I was so excited to devour it. And devour it I did, I binge read it in two sittings. The break was only because unfortunately I had to sleep at some point, but it was that addicting. As soon as I started reading this I was just filled with so much fascination that I didn’t want to put it down. If you’re in the mood for something a little bit different that will be equal parts educational, hilarious, and emotional - this is a great pick.

It was such an interesting insight into the lives of sex workers and honestly most of the information was new to me. It debunked a lot of commonly held stereotypes, and provided a great lived experience and perspective on a lot of social and political discussions around sex workers. I liked how open and honest it was. It didn’t shy away from being brutally honest, no detail was spared, which made it all the more engaging and easy to empathise with the content and understand the conversations being had quite easily.

The layout of the book was really interesting and it made it super easy to dip in and out of. Instead of set chapters, here they’re opted for a style of narration where there are a lot of different anecdotes preceded by a small, witty title for that section. I think it was really intelligent and well written, but because I was reading it so quickly I did find certain sentences and turns of phrase were used repeatedly which did get a little irritating. I also found the timeline a little jumpy and hard to follow at times, and the ending was quite sudden. All of those prevented me from giving it a full five stars, but it was still absolutely brilliant.

Even though I didn’t necessarily agree with every opinion given by the author, I did respect their story and think it was really well put together. I like how brutal and loud and proud it was. A great read.

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

A very interesting read and I do value much of the insight that the author had into decriminalisation and the stigma associated with sex work. The stories from her time as a dominatrix and working in brothels were intriguing and often very funny, with many heartwarming and human moments.

However, and this is a big however, I cannot agree with many of the declarations and opinions given in this book. The author is unrelentingly passionate about not ‘being a victim’. She then goes on to describe the many traumatic situations she has encountered prior to her sex work, which she explains did lead her to delving into the career, and the many (many, many, many) disgusting experiences she has with men throughout her time as a sex worker.

She describes clients as ‘rapey’, discusses how they ignore boundaries, how she is repeatedly exploited by brothel owners and clients alike, how she is exhausted and sore by the end of a shift, etc. There are some interesting parts around the generally exploitative aspects of work in a capitalist society, with parallels between her time in a factory during which she suffered with extreme exhaustion and contrast of ‘selling’ her body in a similar way through sex work. However, the author does not seem to recognise the unique and unfortunately very common aspect of sexual exploitation in sex work in contrast to the physical exploitation of labour.

Generally, I feel that the author unilaterally applies her reasoning and experience to all sex workers, her opinions on ‘radical feminists’ to all feminists, and her continued rationale for men being somehow entitled to the purchase of sex to society in general, without appropriate consideration as to how these issues may affect others.

As others have pointed out, there are also many instances of internalised misogyny and even anti-sex work rhetoric for women involved in different forms of sex work from the author herself. Overall, this is a valuable and interesting read, but it must be read through a critical lens.

[Heather Bowes-Taylor · Rating 1 out of 5]

This just wasn’t well written, it was glazed over in terms of experience. Some of it was just said for shock factor rather than to be informative. The author was constantly contradicting herself and it doesn’t make for a smooth or “real” feeling read.
It just felt like the author wanted to portray a certain narrative and unfortunately it felt forced and so heavily swayed by that, that I couldn't believe in it. When I read something like this, I want it to feel real and yes a little clumsy is fine if it keeps the organic nature of the subject. This didn't do this.

[Marina Montero · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este libro debería ser de lectura obligatoria desde que se entra a la edad adulta. Muchos de nuestros problemas actuales como sociedad se resolverían.

Todos, al menos una vez en la vida, nos hemos encontrado en el debate de "trabajo sexual, sí o no", como si tuviéramos derecho a decidir. Derecho a decir nuestra opinión elitista desde nuestra posición acomodada. Entiendo que cualquier mujer joven pueda posicionarse durante su adolescencia en el lado del abolicionismo, especialmente si solo escucha lo que dicen los políticos, pero eso ya se acabó. Necesitamos, como sociedad, escuchar a las trabajadoras sexuales y entender sus demandas. Necesitamos escuchar, y este libro te hace escuchar.

Eve Smith sabe perfectamente cómo jugar con hacerte reír y hacerte pensar al mismo tiempo, y usa muy bien sus propias experiencias para justificar por qué tiene razón. Porque la tiene. Este no es un libro para el morbo y las descripciones detalladas, es una explicación de una realidad que normalmente nos prohibimos escuchar.

Muchas gracias Picador y NetGalley por permitirme leer este maravilloso libro. Uno de mis favoritos este año con toda seguridad.

[Sinéad Wylie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this, then try and argue that sex work shouldn’t be decriminalised. You won’t be able to. I thought this was an extremely thought-provoking read. It had lots of anecdotes that were hard to read/listen to but then there would be some wild story that had me howling with laughter. The author was really good at interspersing light-hearted stories with the hard things that happened to her.

Please pick this up!

5 stars

[Corvus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobooked. Tough to rate a book that is a large part memoir without "rating" someone's life. I am grateful to decent writers who are/were also sex workers continuing to help me better understand the whole thing and how to support workers. I do think that the author occasionally reinforced some of the stigmas she is against, (classism, misogyny) flawed as we all are. But, overall it was a good listen.

[Amber Korde · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really interesting read and I enjoyed the way her story is told through fragments of her life and across different time periods. However, there is some clear internalised misogyny towards almost all other women in the book. The author seems to go out of her way to criticise other women, even those who are hypothetical.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

How Was It for You? is salacious, enraged, narrated with a frankness to make the Cerne Abbas Giant blush, and utterly unputdownable. The tale grips from the start and is often funny as well as surprisingly tender. Readers who imagine the sex memoir a mere noughties fad should read it and find fresh excitement in the genre without delay.

‘Eve Smith’ (a pseudonym) has many bugbears and one of her biggest are ‘rad fems’ - radical feminists. Besides their perceived sanctimony and urge to patronise, Eve detests how they distort and simplify the reality of sex work. All sex workers have a sob story behind them, have no claim to either an inner life or personal agency, and are incorrigible victims. The same failing is found in lazy screenwriters, who first instinct should be to reject stock characters and idle stereotypes.

Eve’s solution is to give reality back its quirks and nuance. You might suppose, not entirely unreasonably, that a professional dominatrix not only hates men, but does so with a fury grown mechanical. In fact, a misandrist is about as well-suited to the job as a narcoleptic is to flying a plane; it can be done, but rarely with lasting success. The best temperament for the job is theatrical: engagements must be prepped and scripted long in advance and with a feel for the ebb and flow of dialogue.

It surprised me that sex workers can and do form lasting bonds with some of their clients when the chemistry is right. One of the more quietly harrowing stories involves an elderly former client rendered housebound by illness. During her off-hours Eve devotedly visits him at home and spends long hours talking to him and keeping him company, all while avoiding despising glares from his social workers. Nor are other clients exempt. She recalls a sharp pain when she realised a handsome bachelor and devoted architect is, in fact, lonely and starved for affection. If he was lonely, she muses, what hope is there for the rest of us? That bad men exist is a fact. But it’s nice to read something as gently affirming as this:

‘I like to talk, as I actually like men. Most of the time. Yes, I think they are too easy, too desperate and far too many of them can be dogs but, here's the thing: I have always liked dogs. They're entertaining and just so grateful if you throw them a bone.’

I’ve mentioned that that is an enraged book, but often justifiably so. In parts this is personal. While no victim, Eve had an unfair share of grievances. She grew up wearing ‘jam-jar glasses and train track braces’ and was picked on mercilessly at school, taking refuge in Enid Blyton and adventure stories. Dad was hard-working, Mum an undiagnosed manic-depressive. She recalls the day she had her first kiss, courtesy of a ‘beautiful’ Scottish boy, and felt desired for the first time. The first major boyfriend, a middle-class GP, the apple of her parents’. eyes and an obvious control freak, almost choked her to death. Her love of acting led her to drama school - Eve is a classically trained actress - and with it the full force of southern snobbery. Actresses, even in 21st century Britain, are still expected to speak RP as their default mode. You can only speak in your real accent when playing a prostitute, especially when like Eve (and myself, for the record) you hail from Birmingham. (‘ “You're from Birmingham?” they'd chuckle, saying the word as though it was hard to push out of their sneering lips. “Well, you would have had to move away from there sooner or later, wouldn't you? Well done.” ‘)

I hope you agree this kind of thing isn’t merely snobbish, disgusting, needless, and wrong. It’s absurd.

I also hope that readers don’t miss the economic lessons embedded in the text. They’re not trifling. Perhaps only farmers read the economic room better than a sex worker. When Eve started out, the hourly rate was relatively high. Competition from the Internet and Eastern Europe has saturated the market, particularly in London, to the point where prices have fallen and sex work is now cheaper than ever before. Pressure to perform ‘extras’ is fierce. Workers can spend as much time branding themselves on social media as working - particularly draining are ‘maintenance’ posts - and finding the most cost-effective advertisers. This has brought hazards both local and distant. When holidaying in countries that use facial recognition software, this has dire consequences. To slightly paraphrase, blow a U.S. president for free and they make you First Lady; blow a plumber for market rate and they turn you back at the border.

The book is richly funny and its comic highlights are many:

‘I was a klutz on stage and I am a klutz in the dungeon. I have electrocuted my own nipples and set fire to my laptop.’

‘Between us, Adam and I have a wealth of experience. Street smarts, of course, but academic smarts too. Adam has had the best education that his fine brain could get him; four years at Oxbridge studying physics. Then there's me. A quick learner and streetwise, with a side of strong muscle that comes from beating men in arm wrestles for drinks since I was twenty, and then later for cash. And never underestimate how strong you have to be to get past two sphincters. So, I often think that with both brains and brawn we can achieve quite a lot together. That we're quite the team. Four hours of consultation and cussing, sweating and swearing, and we still haven't been able to assemble the cot.’

I recommend learning a few key segments by heart for your party piece or screenshotting for the Facebook feed. If there’s any justice, perhaps Brick the policeman, Doctor Tom, or the more arrogant specimens splayed on these pages will overhear them in conversation, duly sweat from the palms, and regret they didn’t treat this gifted author better.

Thanks to NetGalley etc.

[Charlotte Weal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely obsessed.

[Ida Grüner · Rating 4 out of 5]

really interesting pov and insight into the industry while still being really entertaining

[charly (normalreaders) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - i enjoyed but there’s some major internalised misogyny going on here

[ash ☁️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

fantastic read. very grateful to have read this so soon after it was published

[Hebe · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you've ever wondered what it's like to be a sex worker in the UK - this is the book for you. As the blurb says, this is an eye-opening memoir about working in brothels, escorting, in a strip club, and as a dominatrix - with all the ups and downs you might expect. It especially gives focus to brothels, and we see all kinds of them and the differences for workers in each. "Eve" gives an upfront account of her life. She is totally frank about the industry, and the book itself no condemation of it, but rather a sharp analysis from the inside.

Jumping back and forth between her sex work and her more recent life as an expectant mother, "How Was It for You?" debunks a lot of the preconceptions and stereotypes we have about sex workers, and seeing a lived experience gives readers a clearer insight. While we see many hardships as you'd expect, this was actually a very funny read. "Eve" is supremely witty, and so many of her reflections and thoughts will make you smile as well as think.

This was an addictive, enjoyable book that I finished in three days. I would absolutely recommend it to anyone interested in the subject.

[Alice · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an interesting read but the internalised misogyny and ‘my way or the highway’ attitude really didn’t sit well with me. I regret reading this unfortunately.

[Manu :] · Rating 4 out of 5]

The only reason this book did not get five stars from me is because I got lost in the
timeline several times. This book is wonderful and I admire the courage that woman had to
have for this book to be created and published.
I disagree with all the reviewers who say that this is a terrible book and it just makes sex
work seem as a choice when most women doing this job in fact do not have one. I think there is
truth on one side and the other, not all sex workers are victims and we need to remember that.
The author herself states very clearly that she is not a victim and she never wanted to be seen as
one, she shows us sex work from the perspective of a person that had a choice and chose to do it
because she took some joy in her work and if you take a closer look at her story, the most harm
she ever received was from the authorities, police and other such organizations.
Everything takes place in England, and here other people complain that this is very
limited and it doesn’t show the sex working industry from all over the world. It never had to, it
isn’t a book about the entire industry it is a book about her, the author, and I honestly do not
understand how can you be so ignorant to dismiss all her work and the hardest decisions taken
to even share her story. I think we need more books like this, it was brilliant, it was straight to the
point, she did not dismiss the life problems that turn women to the industry. She acknowledged
that for lots of women it is not a choice, but for her, it was and she wanted to show that
perspective. When it comes to the writing in non-fiction I think that it is not the most important
thing to look at because the goal of non-fiction is not entertainment and good reading
experience associated with the writing style, but I have to admit that it was written in a way that
kept the reader engaged, I got angry when she did, I was shocked and disgusted when she was
and I think that most women will relate to how she feels about certain things, even though they
are not sex workers, and that would be the truth for me as well.
Very very very important book, brings detail into the topic, brings the unseen side, shows
the injustice towards sex workers and the lack of protection they have. Everybody should read it
if they have a chance!

[Evie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eve Smith (shockingly not her real name) has been a hooker, a dominatrix, an escort, a hostess in a strip club and has worked on sex phone lines and in "How was it for you?" she writes candidly about her experiences. She says at one point that it was her looks that first got her sex work but it was her personality that kept her clients coming back, and that personality shines through in her writing and kept me reading. This book could have so easily been salacious gossip about an industry that most people know nothing about and judge far too quickly, but instead it focused on Eve's experiences and the growing legal and financial issues for sex workers. How decriminalisation would be the solution to so many of the problems faced by sex workers and the dangers of working in an unregulated, illegal job market in which the police don't care if you live or die (but still turn up at brothels for the services of the women they persecute).
Written in an explosive manner with rage bubbling under the surface, Eve doesn't make claims about anyone else's experience but her own and discusses these (unnecessarily) taboo subjects with tact and rightful rage.
Although there's humour in some of the discussion about her clients, the women she works alongside and brothel managers, Eve also describes the terrible mistreatment that is so pervasive for sex workers, including raids from police and the seizing of assets through the Proceeds of Crime Act (POCA) that was originally meant to stop drug dealers but is used regularly to the detriment of sex workers - many of whom pay tax on their earnings. She also points out that in every country that has criminalised the purchase of sex, violence against sex workers has risen - the solution to this can only be decriminalisation.
This book is a fantastically written insight into the world of sex work through Eve's perspective, I learnt a lot and couldn't help but be angry on her behalf. A fantastic read which should be essential reading for all the judgmental idiots out there.

Thank you to NetGalley and Pan McMillan for the eARC.

[Maisy · Rating 4 out of 5]

a fascinating, frank and unapologetic must-read/listen for anyone, and a brilliant case for the decriminalisation of the sex work industry. this worked so well as an audiobook too.

nb: I should have checked the trigger warnings more carefully, so if anyone is reading this review ahead of the book…please do check the triggers thoroughly🤍

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars 🌟

This was sooo interesting. Not only is it just intriguing to hear the stories of someone in this industry, but she clearly was very passionate and knowledgable about decriminalising. I’m not saying I agreed with everything she said but I don’t know enough to have a proper opinion.

Obviously, I’m nosey and would want to know who some of the more prolific people she referenced are, but I actually liked that it was anonymous because it seemed that she could be a lot more honest.

[Kath · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting listen and definitely worth a listen if you want to broaden your perspective on sex work. Think I’ve got a bit bored of memoirs in general and the structure though so did find it a bit of a slog to get through hence only 3 stars.

[Ellie (bookmadbarlow) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating memoir about 'Eve's' life both inside and outside of her job.
I found the authors no nonsense talk about the sex industry enlightening and I thought the whole book was interesting, especially how the police treated the occupation.

[Ravnica · Rating 4 out of 5]

3,5.
An interesting read about the life of a sex worker. Some bits were funny, some horrifying, a good chunk of the book focused on the politics and decriminalization of sex work.
Although the author makes some good points, a few things just didn't sit right with me personally.
Regardless of where you stand politically, I think the book is interesting and worth reading.

[Clair Atkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audio book on Bookbeat and it was a fascinating listen. I will admit I had some preconceived ideas of to what sort of person a s3x worker would be and this changed them completely. Eve's story is told in the present as she prepares to give birth to her first child with her partner Adam. She tells us about her life as a s3x worker, and it as shocking as you'd expect. What really shocked me was how after a raid, she was totally stitched up by the police.
A really compelling read, I found this so interesting. This was my August choice for the #nfpicknmix challenge. I've managed to read a non fiction read every month so far this year which I'm pretty pleased about!