When Reality Bites: How Denial Helps and What to Do When It Hurts

by Holly Parker

With great insight and originality, author Holly Parker shows you how to use denial as a buffer in the face of tragedy and how to know when your use of denial has become counterproductive or detrimental. Through a fresh, comforting, and clinically-based perspective, Parker takes the shame out of denial with practical and relatable solutions to uncovering, reframing, and harnessing this very normal coping technique. Hands-on exercises and compelling personal stories help you apply this information to your situation and come to accept your need for denial when it helps, and break through it to face lifes challenges with courage when it hurts.

Genres: Self Help

1 pages, Audio CD

First published July 27, 2016

About the author

Dr. Holly Parker (Dr. Holly) obtained her Ph.D. in Experimental Psychopathology from Harvard University and re-specialized in Clinical Psychology at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

She is a practicing psychologist and lecturer, and is the author of WHEN REALITY BITES (Hazelden; August 30, 2016) and IF WE'RE TOGETHER, WHY DO I FEEL SO ALONE? (Berkley/NAL; January 3, 2017).

Holly lives in Boston with Guille, her extremely cool husband and kindred spirit, relishes running, studying Spanish, time travel stories, and The Walking Dead, and has no skill whatsoever in pet training.

Reviews

[Monica Willyard Moen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be surprisingly helpful. I put off reading it because I couldn’t really see a point in it. I’m glad to say I was wrong. As I read it, I begin to see the ways in which my own denial is tripping me up and also to understand when did Nile has helped make me stronger right after tragedy has happened. I always saw denial as a bad thing, a tool that only weak people needed. Now I see the denial is very helpful at times, just not all the time. :-)

[Tara Brabazon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is well written. It has a conversational - chatty - tone but is engaging, quirky and fresh.

Similarly it is an engaging book. I was particularly impressed by the way in which the pain of daily life was discussed, and the struggles to make it manageable.

Particularly, there was strong attention to addiction and the role of alcohol in denial.

An impressive book and evocative.

[Aldo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Holly makes you view denial from an objective lens. A person who's objective rather than subjective will appreciate what she's got to say. I like how the content provides examples, resources, and exercises to stimulate the mind. Also, the book is well-written. Good stuff, Dr. Holly!

[Michelle Randall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fiction is not the only thing that I ever read, in fact I read quite a great deal of non-fiction. I enjoy books that give help and guidance. Now, that being said I might not be the best person to review this book, because at this moment in time I am dealing with a number of things after starting my life over after 21 years of marriage, but then again that might also just make me the best person to review this book.

Denial. Normally when you say the word denial, we think of the bad ways in which we use denial. The alcoholic who refuses or cant see that they are damaging themselves and/or those around them. The person who refuses to take ownership of their actions, and on and on. The thing is, denial is not always a bad thing, it just takes knowing when and how to use denial to your advantage.

Author Holly Parker has a very easy, conversational tone in this book, and it reads more like she is a friend talking to you over dinner, giving you the information from her vast knowledge to help you through things you are dealing with. She doesn't overwhelm you with her knowledge and training, or make you feel that you can't understand what she is saying. She keeps it in a light and easy manner that allows everyone, no matter your educational background, to be able to understand what she is saying and feel comfortable with it. That is probably one of my favorite things, she doesn't talk over your head, or dumb it down too much that you feel like she is making fun of you.

There are a number of exercises and questions that you can work through in this book to help you understand denial, when it is bad, when it is good, how to use it and how to avoid it. Because of all these exercises, this is a book that you can refer to over and over, when different things come up in your life. Of course, for me, it meant that it took me a lot longer than usual to read this book because I couldn't just skip them, I had to do the exercises and answer the questions. Of course, I still have pages marked in my book to work on again later, to go back and redo and to finish.

This is definitely a great book, and I am extremely pleased that I ran across it at this point in my life, because in reality, there are a number of things going on when you begin life over, being a single parent, and responsible for everything yourself that this book will help me address. I do see myself using this book now, and again later in time.

[Valery · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Reality Bites: How Denial Helps and What to do When it Hurts by Holly Parker is a comprehensive look at all aspects of denial. One night, Parker was having dinner with her husband in an elegant restaurant and didn't feel well, denied feeling unwell to herself, yet moments later fainted. This is a simple example of what most people do every day, deny reality, deny what is actually happening. Parker clearly and succinctly explains how to recognize denial, accept it, and even use it to your advantage. Written in a light and easy tone, Parker is never condescending, but rather encouraging to the reader. While denial in and of itself can lead to damaging behaviors and outcomes, the right balance of denial and acceptance, according to Parker, can lead to a better life all around. With plenty of exercises and questions for the reader to answer throughout the book, Parker has offered the reader practical solutions to manage difficult and challenging times.