This is a miscellaneous collection, but the essays all touch on the impermanence of life and memory in a way that gives the book an atmosphere of its own, outside of the content of each individual piece. It results in an almost haunting feeling, haunting because of how beautifully Calvino expresses memories of a time and place that no longer exist. His writing has a particular feeling or spirit to it that is hard to describe but always beautiful and immersive.
Notes
Talking to each other was difficult. Both verbose by nature, possessed of an ocean of words, in each other’s presence we became mute, would walk in silence side by side along the road to San Giovanni. To my father's mind, words must serve as confirmation of things, and as signs of possession; to mine they were foretastes of things barely glimpsed, not possessed, presumed. My father's vocabulary welled outward into the interminable catalog of the genuses, species and varieties of the vegetable world — every name was a distinction plucked from the dense compactness of the Forest in the belief that one had thus enlarged man's dominion — and into technical terminology, where the exactness of the word goes hand in hand with the studied exactness of the operation, the gesture. (pg. 10)
In short, all he wanted was a sign that civil cohabitation was possible in this world of his, a cohabitation prompted by a passion for improvement and informed by natural reason; but then he would immediately be oppressed again by reminders that all was precarious and beset by danger and once more the fury was upon him. And one of these reminders was myself, the fact that I belonged to that other, metropolitan and hostile part of the world, the painful awareness that he couldn't count on his children to consolidate this ideal San Giovanni civilization of his, which thus had no future. So that the last stretch of the path was covered in an unwarranted hurry, as though it were the edge of a blanket he could used to talk himself away inside San Giovanni… (pg. 25)
[T]hose baskets seemed insignificant then, as the basic materials of life always seemed banal to the young, yet now that I have but a smooth sheet of white paper in their place, I struggle to fill them with name upon name, to cram them with the words, and in remembering and arranging these names I spend more time than I spent gathering and arranging the things themselves, more passion… — no, not true: I imagined as I set out to describe the baskets that I would reach the crowning moment of my regret, and instead nothing, what came out was a cold, predictable list: and it's pointless my trying to kindle a halo of feeling behind it with these words of commentary: all remains as it was then, those baskets were already dead then and I knew it, ghosts of a concreteness that had already disappeared, and I was already what I am, a citizen of cities and of history — still without either city or history and suffering for it — a consumer — and victim — of industrial products —a candidate for consumerism, a freshly designated victim — and already the lots were cast, all the lots, our own and everybody else’s, yet what was this morning fury of my childhood, the fury that still persists in these not entirely sincere pages? Could everything perhaps have been different — not very different but just enough to make the difference — if those baskets hadn't even then been so alien to me, if the rift between myself and my father hadn't been so deep? Might everything that is happening now perhaps have taken a different slant, in the world. in the history of civilization — the losses not have been so absolute, the gains so uncertain?) (pg. 29-30)
[A]nd everything that once was is gone, everything that seemed to be there but was already only an illusion, an unaccountable stay of execution. (pg. 31)
So what had the cinema meant to me in this context? I suppose: distance. It satisfied a need for distance, for an expansion of the boundaries of the real, for seeing immeasurable dimensions open up all around me, abstract as geometric entities, yet concrete too, crammed full of faces and situations and settings, which established an (abstract) network of relationships with the world of direct experience. (pg. 60)
With the result that when I empty the small bin into the big one and lift it up by its two handles to carry it out of our front door, though still functioning as a humble cog in the domestic machine, I am nevertheless already taking on a social role; offering myself as the first link in the chain of operations crucial for collective cohabitation, I am confirming my dependence on the institutions without which I would die buried under my own rubbish in the snail shell of my individual existence, at once introverted and (in more than one sense) autistic. Is the departure point for proper clarification of the reasons that make my poubelle truly agréée: acceptable in the first place to me, even if not pleasant, as one has to accept the unpleasant without which none of what pleases us would have any sense. (pg. 98)
It was no doubt his obedience to Christian precepts which brought my friend to accept this role quite happily. And me? I would like to be able to say, with Nietzsche, “I love my destiny,” but I can't do that until I have explained for myself the reasons that have led me to love it. Carrying out the poubelle agréée is not something I do without thinking, but something that needs to be thought about and that awakens the special satisfaction I get from thinking. (pg. 101)
[A] rite of purification, the abandoning of the detritus of myself, and it doesn't matter whether we're talking about the very detritus contained in the poubelle or whether that detritus refers us back to every other possible detritus of mine; what matters is that through this daily gesture I confirm the need to separate myself from a part of what was once mine, the slough or chrysalis or squeezed lemon of living, so that its substance might remain, so that tomorrow I can identify completely (without residues) with what I am and have. Only by throwing something away can I be sure that something of myself has not yet been thrown away and perhaps need not be thrown away now or in the future.
The satisfaction I get out of this, then, is analogous to that of defecation, the feeling of one's guts unburdening themselves, the sensation at least for a moment that my body contains nothing but myself, and that there is no possible confusion between what I am and what is unalterably alien. Alas the unhappy retentive (or the miser) who, fearing to lose something of his own, is unable to separate himself from anything, hoards his faeces and ends up identifying with his own detritus and losing himself in it. (pg. 103)
Here we arrive at the economic crux of what I have hitherto chosen to refer to judicially as a contract and symbolically as a right: my relationship with the poubelle is that of the man for whom throwing something away completes or confirms its appropriation, my contemplation of the heaps of peels, shells, packaging and plastic containers brings with it the satisfaction of having consumed their contents, while for the man who unloads the poubelle into the rotating crater of the dust cart it offers only an idea of the amount of goods which are denied to him, which reach him only as useless detritus.
But perhaps (and here my essay glimpses an optimistic conclusion intermediately succumbs to the temptation), perhaps this denial is only temporary: is having been taken on as a dustbin man is the first step opus social ladder that will eventually make today's pariah another member of the consumer society and like everybody else a producer of refuse, while others escaping from the deserts of the “developing countries” Will take his place loading and unloading the bins. (pg. 110)
All that's left me and belongs to me is a sheet of paper dotted with a few sparse notes, on which over the last few years under the title La Poubelle Agréée I have been jotting down the ideas that cropped up in my mind and that I planned to develop at length in writing, theme of purification of dross throwing away is complementary to appropriating the hell of a world where nothing is thrown away one is what one does not throw away identification of oneself rubbish as autobiography satisfaction of consumption defecation theme of materiality, of starting again, agricultural world cooking and writing autobiography as refuse transmission for preservation and still other notes whose thread and connective reasoning I can no longer make out, theme of memory expulsion of memory lost memory… (pg. 125)