5 stars!!! THAT WAS AMAZING!!!
"I am fueled on scripture and sarcasm alone today, and maybe like four cups of coffee."
Have you even started a book and within the first chapter just knew it was going to be 5 stars? That was me with this book.
I started this book on a whim because I had 20 minutes before I was about to get on an airplane and I had read a quote from the author's instagram from the sequel that made me want to read both books. I had plans to read a different book on the plane, but I could not stop thinking about the beginning of the book as I was boarding so I ended up reading it straight through the whole flight. I read the book in under 24 hours.
Plot:
“Get in. Get Samuel. Never Come Back.”
I went into this book completely blind in terms of the plot. But the whole plot concept immediately sucked me in. This book isn't listed with any genres in goodreads but personally I would call it dystopian. The first chapter starts off talking about government restrictions and secret organizations that control the wealthy and famous.
I loved that the story had the perspective of a character that was new to this world of the secret society and then a character that grew up with that because it created two really interesting perspectives. At the beginning of the book Samuel is recruited to join the Celsus Dios Order, he ends up joining to keep his family safe. Shiloh reenters the order after having escaped three years ago in order to help get Samuel out. Although there was a lot going on with the action at most times, I loved that we got to really focus on the characters and their journeys and really look at how all of the action was affecting them. It was the perfect balance between action and characters.
I also loved how character deaths were dealt with. I loved how much the characters were affected by that because I feel like oftentimes in dystopian or fantasy books when a side character dies that the reader doesn’t know very much it kind of gets glossed over and so I appreciated it that's not how this book handled those moments.
I loved the writing style!! it was so easy to read and yet was so quotable at the same time. I seriously have so many highlights in this book, it's a bit crazy lolll
It did feel like the story kind of ended and then the last thirty pages felt lik we started a bit into the next book to get the hook and a cliffhanger which while that felt a little bit odd, it did make me want to pick up the sequel way more with where the book actually ended versus where I was expecting it to end.
Characters
Shiloh – oh my gosh she is seriously one of my favorite characters ever!!!!! I just loved her. She is a messianic jew and her faith is such an important and beautiful part of the story. I loved how she talked about her relationship with God and even though there were slight discrepancies between what I believe and what Shiloh believes, I felt like this book did an amazing job of exploring what the faith is like for people that have been through really hard things and that don't always look like the picture perfect Christian. Shiloh is very much an introvert, she deflects with sarcasm, such a strong character, but at the same time it’s beautiful how much she will do for someone else, how selfless she is.
I loved watching her wrestle with how much should she do for someone she just met or how important is it not to compromise her values. She wrestles a lot with her past through this book. She was a part of the CDO for most of her life but managed to escape three years ago. She takes on the seemingly impossible mission to reenter the CDO to help Samuel get out. She spends quite a bit of the book wrestling with how to do that and how to make her former leaders trust her again without compromising her values. She became a believer after she left.
There were several moments through Shiloh’s story arc that I teared up because things were relatable or touched me and I can't remember the last time I loved a female main character this much!!! I think Samuel sums who she is best, “Shiloh came off as harsh to many, but he knew already she was the kindest person he ever met. She was adorned with a captivating authenticity that he had yet to figure out. Her moral values challenged society's standards of goodness.”
Samuel – he’s an amazing character too! My favorite part about Samuel was how much he loves music. He is a musician and I loved how it was described that like music lived in him and that was his strength and then when things got hard and the music wasn't there for him it was just such a beautiful analogy for how hard things got in the CDO the secret society/cult. I also loved how he began to search for the faith after meeting Shiloh and starts to wrestle with what he believes. Samuel is much more outgoing and a people person than Shiloh and I loved that they both come to value the differences and similarities in each other
Jackson - we didn't get to see much of this character but I really enjoyed him as a side character he had some great moments helping Shiloh and Samuel, and I felt like he was a well developed side character, even though he didn't show up often he still felt like a well-rounded person.
Grey - he was certainly one of the most fascinating characters. I didn’t know whether to trust him or not for most of the story and I just really liked his story arc and I hope we get to see more of him in the sequel! I always have a soft spot for characters that seem so cold and strong but also for some hidden reason seem to care more than they should. (Potentially because I've written a character like that, who knows.)
In conclusion I absolutely loved this book and I highly highly recommend!!! Now onto book two!!!!
Oh you’re still here? If you need any more convincing here are some of my favorite quotes.
"But being the source of someone else's sanity became a burden when she was barely clinging to her own."
"But her strength was failing her. Her mind was her own worst enemy at times. Right now, it raged a full-on war."
“He tried desperately to find a melody somewhere inside, something to calm his mind. Something to make this better. To comfort him. The music was always there when he needed it. But instead, all he heard was Vincent's words echoing in his mind. Make the right decision.”
“She was not that perfect. She was not that carefree. She couldn't pretend everything was always fine. Maybe it was because she carried the weight of the things she had been through. She was too messed up to be untroubled.”
“Too much time had gone into unlearning her old habits. Too many tears were shed at the foot of the cross as she began to unravel from all her twistedness. She didn't want to fall into those old patterns. She still needed more space from her old self. Was she ever truly free? Or was it all an illusion? Maybe she had just convinced herself hiding out in her trailer was freedom.”
"I don't think I could afford not to. If there's no God, then I don't think I would have the will to live. There would be no hope."
“Where do you find your hope? He didn't know. He didn't know.”
"I don't need help," she said quickly. But that wasn't true. She didn't want help. It was safer doing things alone.