As the Sycamore Grows: A Hidden Cabin, Revelation and a .38

by Jennie Miller Helderman

A cabin behind a padlocked gate, no power, no phone, only Revelation and a .38 but Ginger escaped. Mike admits the abuse. God made women to serve, it's their job, he says. Both Ginger and Mike speak in a true story about abuse, loss, redemption and hope that spirals from Texas to Alabama.

Genres: Nonfiction

320 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2010

Reviews

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ms. Helderman is a very talented writer. She makes you care for both parties while hating yourself for being at all sympathetic to an abusive husband.

[Chelsea Snow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could NOT put this down. Though it’s nonfiction, The book reads more like a fiction storyline and I had to continually remind myself that this was a TRUE story. Highly recommend.

[Janalyn, the blind reviewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book about abuse neglect isolation and the southern way of staying with your husband. When gingers husband Mike started his abuse the very first time she climbed out of the window and ran unfortunately his parents live next-door and although his dad Roy was very upset at her sons abuse he still insisted he come get his wife even the preacher instructed her to go back to her husband and said I’ve already called Mike to come get you. Is Mike’s abuse grew so did his threats of taking her to live in the woods where she would have to do everything he said and little theGinger know but that is exactly what he was going to do and did. With her abusive husband Mike and her two boys Casey and Cody they live in an isolated shack with no electricity and not only lived in poverty but was like the stereotypical impoverished white family and although ginger knew her and her children were better than that it was something that kept compelling her to go back until the day she didn’t. As The Sycamore Grows by Jenny Miller Helderman is one of those stories she found by accident but knew the story his purpose it has won many awards has helped many abuse victims and survivors and I just want to say I felt so honored that I got to read this book it is such a story of a hero finding her feet and a testament to human survival. I absolutely love this book and I’m not a fan of biographies at all but totally love this autobiography and think everyone should get to read it. I received this book from NetGalley and the publisher but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.

[alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

incredibly well written, this book made me feel as if i was reading a fictional story - until i remembered that it was very, terrifyingly real. it examines an abusive relationship from multiple perspectives, which makes for a compelling, hard to put down read. i can't say i enjoyed reading it due to the subject matter but it was definitely fascinating and thoroughly moving. the realness of the story hit me especially at the end, while i was looking through the photos of the couple and their children. while i don't usually read nonfiction books, i ended up caring deeply for the people involved and learned a lot about the types and mechanisms of abuse. i think that this story should be widely known and read as similar situations continue to happen every day, i firmly believe it could help others with understanding how abusive relationships work and at the same time give hope and support to those who need it.

thank you to NetGalley, the author and the publisher for the eARC, all opinions are mine.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ginger MacNeil is a court advocate who has learned how to stand up for herself and others. Her husband Mike abused her emotionally, physically, and mentally. But like the sycamore tree grew out of compost, Ginger thrived too. When asked if she would change her past, Ginger replied, "Everything I was taught and believed and have done, it’s all part of me. It’s what made me a sitting duck for a man like Mike. And it’s where I drew my strength in the end.” And regarding loving an abuser - “I believe in every person there resides something— call it a soul, or humanity, but something that gives us hope and allows us to change. Whatever it is allowed me to change. And if I can change, so can other people. So, I don’t demonize batterers. Besides, I loved one for a very long time.”
This story is one of resilience, strength and power. It also shares the importance of friendship and professional support - Ginger survived after her escape from her abusive home because of the shelter employees and program participants who rallied around her. That's an example of true love and the need for folks in helping jobs/ministries to persevere.
I appreciate how the author wanted to get both sides of the story.
In places, the writing is more telling than showing. So, while the content could be triggering, it's not as emotionally charged as some other similar stories.
If you or someone you know is experiencing partner abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800 -799-7233 or visit www.thehotline.org .

[Gloria Zachgo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennie Miller Helderman used an unusual approach to write this true story of an abusive relationship. While it had the usual fear, isolation, and dependency of one person being dominant over another, she researched the emotions and backgrounds of both parties involved. It helped to explain the “why” of their actions, leaving this reader with both empathy and frustration. It gets a five-star from me.

[Darie Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Riveting! This book should be a must for all those employed in social services. As a social worker it was a great reminder that there are many perspectives to any given situation. There is the perspective of the person you are directly providing services to as well as those involved in and affected by your clients situation.

[Shaleigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

After meeting Ginger I checked this book out of the library & read it. While ugly tears fell I was so awed of the strength it took her to get to where she was Oct.2016 when we met. This story is one everyone should read & take away from good & bad.

[Meg Thrash · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an important book that is well-researched and well-written. I think it should be in every public library and every high school library. The happy ending for Ginger makes it a more uplifting read than it might otherwise be.

[Arika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written, hard to put down. Enjoyed it immensely, though the subject matter was difficult to stomach at times.

[Laura Merrill · Rating 2 out of 5]

A true story of a woman in an abusive relationship, but I found it poorly written.

[Zoë Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

As the Sycamore Grows by Jennie Helderman is the true story of Mike and Ginger, batterer and survivor. Helderman interviewed Ginger, Mike, as well as family, friends and exes about the lives that lead Mike and Ginger to become the people they are, as well as what their relationship was like. Ginger was brought up in an extremely strict and religious family where obedience was paramount and remarriage was considered living in sin. After marrying at the age of eighteen Ginger found herself lonely and feeling like a failure, leaving the marriage and her young son who she did not have the confidence to fight for only to end up remarried and therefore an outcast from her family. Her second husband Mike, starts off as a strong provider who will do anything not to become his father but as time passes he leads Ginger and their two young sons into deep poverty. The family lives in isolation, moving away from Ginger's family and her son in Texas to Tennessee where the cabin they inhabit is without electricity or even a telephone. When Ginger's son dies she plants a sycamore tree in his memory and draws strength within herself to maybe finally leave her abusive husband, wondering if it is too late to stop the cycle from being passed onto her own sons.

As the Sycamore Grows is a book which changed the way I saw abuse. Of course there are usually physical aspects involved, but in Ginger's case they are rare and mostly threats- rather it is the emotional isolation, alienation and lack of confidence Mike instills in her which makes Ginger both totally reliant on him, and a victim of his abuse. Helderman uses her journalistic skills to get to the truth, including direct quotes from Mike and Ginger and refusing to say that this exactly how things happen. Although the details may not be exact, the emotions and struggle captured is pure and truthful. As the Sycamore Grows is a powerful combination of fact and storytelling, and Ginger is a main character filled with strength and hope. It is a book which lets the reader know that even when there are not physical scars abuse leaves its marks on not only the victims, but the entire family. There are times when I did feel Helderman was more specific than was necessary- going fairly in depth about Ginger's time in the shelter following her departure from Mike- but it is certainly a story worth sharing, especially if it helps even one person avoid following in Ginger's footsteps. I did wish there was more detail about what exactly happened to Ginger and Mike's sons, as Helderman does not really follow up on how their lives turned out, and the reader can only hope that the abusive cycle has ended with the writing of this book. ***

[Shawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came across the book and author purely by accident. I was leaving my class at a senior community when one of my students was selling books at the facility's monthly book club. The author was leading a discussion of the book for the residents. It looked interesting and fit all of the criteria for the Women's Short Book Club of Greater Atlanta. We had not picked our books for the year yet so I picked up a copy and read it with the intention of recommending it. As a bonus my student helped connect me with the author and she agreed to join us at our book club to discuss the book. The book itself was fascinating and fortunately started with a voice of hope. Otherwise it may have been difficult to read without knowing that there was a somewhat happy ending at least for the protagonist, Ginger. The story is of Ginger's unexpected fall into an abusive marriage where she is isolated and given no assistance from her own family or church. It is a dark tale of the damage of mental abuse and the difficulty of the victim to climb out of their own hell hole. The collateral damage to the victim's sons and their future is sad but will hopefully have some positive impact on others. The author, Jennie Helderman, shared additional insight into the family dynamics after the book and how everyone is coping today. We also learned about her journey as an author and some of the interesting excursions she has been on to share the book with others. She was a delight and we look forward to a future book whenever she takes that on.

WSBCGA Rating (according to me)
Women :-)) – Ginger and Jennie, the author, are true to the strong spirit of Southern women.
Short :-) - The story requires a lot of different voices, including the abuser, for a fair telling.
Southern :-)) - Texas, Alabama, Tennessee...
Depth :-)) - Mental abuse is very difficult to detect and prosecute. Tough subject overall.
Good Book Club Book :-) - Yes, especially with the author to provide commentary.
Recommend :-)) - Yes, especially if there's a chance the recipient might benefit from the story.

[Molly Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is carefully and thoughtfully researched, and very impressive. Ms. Helderman skillfully chronicled the slow, insidious way that Mike, the batterer, gained control over Ginger, his wife and mother of his children. Ginger was an intelligent woman, but unfortunately she had received little affirmation from her rigid parents, so she lacked self esteem and was therefore a candidate for the abusive relationships in which she found herself. The story draws the reader into the progression of the net cast for her-- isolation, financial dependence, derogation, and escalating physical violence.
Ms. Helderman ably presented all sides of the story and her interviews were numerous and thorough. I will honor the author's request to give my copy of the book to a women's shelter because I think that is a truly constructive idea,and I will recommend this book to anyone who wishes to understand more about the national problem of abuse.

[Emily Marchant · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the first word this book holds your attention. The story of Ginger as she struggles through a childhood with an iron fisted Father and grows into an adult woman who believes that she should be equally submissive to her partner is one you can't look away from. As I was reading this book I appreciate that the author gave us insight not only from Ginger, but from her abuser Mike as well. Typically you only get one side of the story but getting to hear both sides made me feel even more anger at the situations which Ginger found herself in as the result of an egotistical man who used religion as his weapon. While this book was heartbreaking to read I felt that it would also give hope to those who found themselves in similar situations. Ginger never stopped fighting to be treated as an equal and as someone who knew she didn't deserve the treatment she was getting. This book is a redemption story and is worth the read.

[Lin · Rating 5 out of 5]

One girl's attempts to be happy, to make others happy. Will she succeed if she has been raised to abide, to serve and to comply?
This book makes you cry with sadness, wonder about human nature, grin with joy and sometimes despise people.
It rises questions about man's role/leadership in family, society, and the church.
Why is Ginger's experience as a child, a girl and a woman still so actual nowdays? Why? How?
And what role does the Church play in (small) rural communities.
What makes this book so special is that this story is about the abuse which is not always visible from the outside and sometimes even within the family itself.
And of course about courage, strength and flexibility of a woman.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very introspective book about emotional abuse. The author tells the story from the perspective of multiple characters leaving you to build a complete, unbiased picture of the life of a woman and man. You read the book expecting, automatically, to hate the husband and grieve for the wife but the book is raw with transparency into the life influences that cause this particular couple to arrive at the depths of abuse and then, to climb out. The pictures were especially moving to see after completing the book; it reminds you that this isn't a fictional story, but an all too real conversation about what many people, both women and men, deal with on a daily basis.

[Brenda Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ginger is an abuse SURVIVOR. From early childhood, raised in an extremely religious household, she experienced an anti-feminist culture that fed easily into abuse that continued well into adulthood.

Written from various accounts, we get a look into not only the abused, but the abuser and how he normalized his twisted behavior, and the families that turned a blind eye to it.

Domestic violence is not easy to escape and the familial cycle is even more difficult to break. Yet that’s exactly what she does. Her very real and very raw story is about courage and strength. A truly powerful read.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for my copy.
#AstheSycamoreGrows #NetGalley

[Julie Kibler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though the situation is extreme (isolation of victim to the point of being in the country with minimal resources), this is a very realistic picture of how control and manipulation of emotions work. I love how Jennie takes every point of view, including that of the abuser, and blends them together in narrative nonfiction that reads like fiction. I would recommend this book to anyone who has been in an abusive relationship, whether physical or emotional, to those who work with people who have been abused by a partner, or who just want to understand how someone might get there.

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will draw you into the pages of years of mental and psychological abuse that is often hidden to onlookers. It helps explain the cycle of abuse many experience behind closed doors. It exemplifies the need for mental health help. It also shows the care (and sometimes the lack there of) family plays in these situations. The book also shows how religion and doing what one thinks is the right thing and how this also can damage decision making. Definitely a book worth reading. I suggest anyone who has the slightest forn of abuse happening in their household read this book.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

From my book review blog Rundpinne. "Brilliant, emotional, evocative, and hopeful As the Sycamore Grows by Jennie Miller Helderman is a raw and honest look at domestic violence and how it can go from generation to generation." The full review may be read here.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving, powerful story that I was blown away by. This is a 2nd special updated edition of the book from the original. Told from more than one point of view. It can be triggering but offers hope ultimately. Well-written and kept my attention.

[Jennie Helderman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wrote this book. I can't rate it.

[Vicki Boyd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Non-fiction. Like supporting Southern writers and especially home-town folks! Good story, good writer. Amazing the power of a psychological hold.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an amazing insight to non violent domestic violence. This stuff happens every day in America. A riveting true story about dominance, bravery, and one woman’s refusal to stay.

[She Reads What? · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, and inspiring. Read it and you'll understand.