Lost & Found: Unlocking Collaboration and Compassion to Help Our Most Vulnerable, Misunderstood Students (and All the Rest)

by Ross W. Greene

Implement a more constructive approach to difficult students "Lost and Found" is a follow-up to Dr. Ross Greene's landmark works, "The Explosive Child" and "Lost at School," providing educators with highly practical, explicit guidance on implementing his Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) Problem Solving model with behaviorally-challenging students. While the first two books described Dr. Greene's positive, constructive approach and described implementation on a macro level, this useful guide provides the details of hands-on CPS implementation by those who interact with these children every day. Readers will learn how to incorporate students' input in understanding the factors making it difficult for them to meet expectations and in generating mutually satisfactory solutions. Specific strategies, sample dialogues, and time-tested advice help educators implement these techniques immediately.

The groundbreaking CPS approach has been a revelation for parents and educators of behaviorally-challenging children. This book gives educators the concrete guidance they need to immediately begin working more effectively with these students. Implement CPS one-on-one or with an entire class Work collaboratively with students to solve problems Study sample dialogues of CPS in action Change the way difficult students are treated

The discipline systems used in K-12 schools are obsolete, and aren't working for the kids to whom they're most often applied - those with behavioral challenges. "Lost and Found" provides a roadmap to a different paradigm, helping educators radically transform the way they go about helping their most challenging students.

Genres: Education, Nonfiction, Teaching, Parenting, Professional Development, Social Work, Audiobook

208 pages, Paperback

First published April 13, 2015

About the author

Dr. Ross Greene is the New York Times bestselling author of the influential books The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Raising Human Beings, and Lost & Found. He is the originator of the innovative, evidence-based treatment approach called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) described in these books. The CPS model provides a compassionate, accurate understanding of behavioral challenges and an evidence-based, non-punitive, non-adversarial approach for reducing challenging episodes, solving problems, improving communication, and repairing relationships.

Dr. Greene was on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now founding director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance (www.livesinthebalance.org), which provides free, web-based resources on his approach and advocates on behalf of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges and their parents, teachers, and other caregivers. He is also adjunct Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech and adjunct Professor in the Faculty of Science at the University of Technology Sydney in Australia. The many research papers documenting the effectiveness of the CPS model can also be found on the Lives in the Balance website. Dr. Greene and his colleagues consult extensively to families, schools, inpatient psychiatry units, and residential and juvenile detention facilities, and lecture widely throughout the world (visit www.cpsconnection.com for a complete listing of learning and training options). Dr. Greene has been featured in a wide range of media, including The Oprah Show, Good Morning America, The Morning Show, National Public Radio, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, and Mother Jones magazine. He is also Executive Producer of the forthcoming feature-length documentary film The Kids We Lose (www.thekidswelose.com), being produced by Lives in the Balance and filmed by Lone Wolf Media. He lives in Portland, Maine.

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

As an Assistant Principal, I agree with his principles wholeheartedly, but there is something about his writing style that screams arrogance. He hasn't worked in a school, and there were some comments regarding teacher attitudes and their time that rubbed me the wrong way, especially considering he's never done the job.

[Dorian · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated the strategies suggested in this book. I was actually at a job interview where the coordinator suggested I read this book after I described my personal strategies in solving behavior challenges, as they seemed quite similar. Now, I definitely see that I do the initial conversation naturally, but need to work on following through and working on solutions with all students.

[Sam Bina]

"Lost and Found" by Ross W. Greene provides a compassionate and effective framework for helping behaviorally challenging students. By focusing on understanding and addressing the underlying causes of behavioral issues through collaboration and empathy, the CPS model offers a promising alternative to traditional disciplinary methods. Implementing this approach in schools can lead to a more supportive and inclusive educational environment for all students.

[Sarita · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book I would love to share with my colleagues. Explains very well how changing our lens when we work with behaviorally challenging kids can be career-changing. This book isn’t too long and I found it accessible and am ready to continue trying Collaborative and Proactive Solutions with my students as I have been using it at home with my own kids. “Kids do well if they can.”

[Victoria Barker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book with super helpful ideas and solutions to problem solving with students that have behavior challenges.

[Al Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not too bad for a PD book

[Jane Van Hof · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some good ideas in here for our team of 7th grade teachers to try with our "at risk" students next year. A review of how well it goes would be better written after we have employed the techniques outlined here. They seem to be worth our while, and I'm eager to give it a shot with our students.

[Charlie Moynahan · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an elementary school teacher that serves at a school that employs PBIS (Positive Behavior Intervention and Supports), I was under the impression that I was doing all I could to support my students to become successful participants of our society. I had sticker charts, consequences for good and bad behavior (belief that consequences is just a "thing that happens after something occurs", not as a bad thing); and when students didn't work on their stuff, they lost out on time to complete that stuff.

Sounds good and responsible, right?

Well, after reading Dr. Greene's firestarter "Lost and Found", I'm extremely excited to get back to school in August with a new approach to discipline. Greene's CPS model is simple, and he explains away each worry with a Q&A at the end of each chapter - sort of like a safeguard from anyone having issues or questions about the application. He understands it's a wildly different approach to discipline; yet, as he argues with a much needed sassiness throughout the book - how's your current disciplinary system workin' out, y'all?!

With chapters complete with rolling out the CPS system, to examples of real life users who are reaping the benefits, and even a chapter dedicated to "The Others" (those students that spend 99% of their school life following directions, being respectful, and not having "issues"), this is a must have book for educators, administrators, clinicians, therapists, counselors, and anyone else blessed with the responsibility of helping our youngest citizens make it in the Real World successfully.

[KD · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please read this book!!! Parents, teachers and anyone!

This method of communication gives adults and children a sense of respect and love. We all have unsolved problems in our life. It is how we work them out.

I grew up with my parents deciding consequences for me, deciding what is right and wrong, solving my feelings for me, I felt I wasn't being listened to, and or I didn't know better. All of which has set me up to struggle in solving problems. I have learned a lot since my childhood and arguing is not a good way to solve any problem.

This book will be so beneficial if the model is consistently used and we persevere though the hard times. Being mindful of how we speak in the tough times will make the difference.

Basically throwing out all judgements, preconceived notions and solving problems for the child will not be helpful to you. Having empathy, reflective listening, understanding and gathering information will be significantly more helpful to you when talking with your student, child or relative.

This book gives you straightforward information, very clear and concise in order to implement it every day conflicts. I recommend 100%.

[Joshua Buhs · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a much better book than its cousin, Changeable. Greene's ideas have a specificity lacking in the other, with a detailed implementation plan. The book is pitched for people dealing with challenging students in institutional settings, but I'm interested in using it for my own child, at home. In which case some of the more bureaucratic aspects may not be as necessary.

The one hesitation I have with the book though is its hidden assumption that behaviorally-challenging children are actually rational actors with insight into their own motives. This is not my experience, and so some of his examples seem far too easily solved collaboratively than should be the case. Nonetheless, I still appreciate the baseline theory that children generally want to do right, and when they are not its because of a lack of skill, not willpower.

[Grace · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was another book that I read for my education classes and I will say that it wasn't my, or anyone of my classmates', favorite. This mostly has to do with Greene's tone, which I think was intended to be straight-forward and driven, but instead comes off as condescending. It's difficult for me to give a book whose tone I did not like more than 3 stars because it is such a consistent facet of what I'm reading, but I'm sure there were people who responded well to it, possibly interpreting it as a let's-get-to-work attitude. Personally, I feel that the tone is a bit too abrasive to the point that it does not invite audiences in to Greene's mission, undermining its purpose. While I do agree with many of Greene's philosophies (student-centered teaching, prioritizing socioemotional wellbeing in the classroom, behavior as the byproduct of deeper issues), I have trouble with the assertion that when students don't do well, it is fully the fault of the educator, either for not caring enough or having outdated opinions or not making the time or for not carrying out Greene's process the way he outlined it. I do believe that there is so much that we can do for our students (more than we may initially think), but the amount of possible negative influences outside of our control make me wary that, if we simply commit ourselves, we can fully "cure" students of any possible problematic behaviors. But this is coming from the perspective of someone who is still learning how to be a teacher, so I won't pretend to be an expert.

Some things I did enjoy: the student was always the priority in Greene's strategies. Children were discussed with true empathy and there was a clear mission to rectify many outdated punitive or even abusive behavior of schools towards their students. He also reiterated earlier parts of his process in the later chapters, which was helpful given how specific his process is. The amount of practical approaches, examples, and worksheets provided were another stand-out and communicated to me that Greene truly believes in his theory and wants to help schools apply it.

[Karie · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Parents of behaviorally challenging kids know a thing or two about feeling ostracized. They know they’re blamed for their child’s challenging behavior, despite the fact that they have other children who are well behaved. They don’t want to be defensive, but feeling blamed doesn’t make that any easier. They want to trust that their child is being well treated at school, but there are many signs to the contrary. Whatever the school is doing isn’t working – their child is still on the receiving end of countless counseling sessions, detentions, suspensions and worse – but the parents feel powerless to do anything about it.”

This paragraph in “Lost & Found” might be the most insightful and powerful paragraph I’ve ever read. This paragraph sums up the life my husband and I are currently leading when it comes to our child. In one of the most frustrating, worrisome and stressful situations I’ve ever experienced - “Lost & Found” gave me some hope. Hope that my child’s behavior is not due to choices made, or personality issues – but because of a lack of skills to cope with or process certain situations. Dr.
Greene posits that “Kids do well if they can. …if the kid could do well, he would do well, and that if he’s not doing well, he must be lacking the skills to do well.”

He also notes that rarely, if ever, do the punitive actions taken by schools help the situation. They remove the child from the situation briefly, but when s/he comes back, the situation is still the same, if not worse.

He gives advice on using a tool called ASLUP (Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems) so that teachers and parents can best identify where skills need to be taught that then will help change behavior. It is very detailed and in depth and really gets to the heart of issues.

School is out for the summer (thank GOODNESS) – but when it is back in session – I hope to be able to use this advice and that tool to make my child’s school life dramatically better.

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very different behavioral program for schools, one that steps completely outside of the typical ideas of punishment and reward to address the real issues of what students and staff are looking for in the school environment and how to address it together. As a teacher in both formal and informal environments for the last twenty years, I can't say that anything we ever did worked to address student issues as well as I believe this technique can. The mock scenarios are especially helpful in understanding how the program may work out in reality. However, I did find the teacher/administrator testimonials a bit overdone - some of that space could have been taken up more effectively in additional scenarios and troubleshooting advice.

[William Schram · Rating 4 out of 5]

First up, I am not an educator. I've been out of school for over twenty years. I don't remember why I bought this book, but I still found it fascinating.

Dr. Ross W. Greene is the founder of a system he calls CPS, an acronym that stands for Collaborative and Proactive Solutions. Dr. Greene's thesis for the book is easy to understand. When a child doesn't behave according to a social norm, they lack the required skill to conform to that norm. The book spends its time listing solutions for these behavioral shortcomings.

The system takes a while to take hold in an established environment, but the rewards are great.

I enjoyed the book. Dr. Greene did a wonderful job explaining his ideas. Thanks for reading my review, and see you next time.

[Marie GratefulDreamer · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Challenging” students/children are only seen as such bc they don’t yet have the skills to match the expectations placed upon them.

When we meet such unbuilt skills with punishment, the skill is still unbuilt and the student is further disconnected from those placing expectations.

All of this hitting me hard in the feels as I recollect my own “challenging” childhood times, as well as those “challenging” students less privileged than me. Society has work to do, we must know better in order to do better.

This is a must read for anyone caring for children, and really for anyone who may have been a “challenging” student.
You weren’t broken, just misunderstood. ❤️

[William Gorman · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book wasn’t for me. If you deal with behaviorally challenged students on the regular then perhaps you would get more out of the book. I definitely got lost with keeping track of all the acronyms and plans. I found the dialog and the Q&A parts somewhat staged. I feel like this book is more for people who are trying to implement a new system for dealing with behaviorally challenged students - a bunch of teachers would have to become experts in this method and then help facilitate its implementation.

In short… don’t focus on the behavior, figure out what is causing that behavior. Be empathetic, articulate concerns and expectations, and work together to resolve problems.

[Malina Pakulak · Rating 2 out of 5]

Love a book about education written by someone who has never worked in education 😵‍💫

Completely lost me when he finally addresses the issue of “when do teachers have time to implement these strategies?” by giving the answer “simply use your lunch/planning time! OR you can get your administrator to find someone to cover your class!” Hello?? In what world??

I understand and like these concepts in theory, but this book did little to prepare me for putting them into practice during a jam-packed kindergarten school day. Conscious Discipline teaches similar concepts in a way that is much more applicable to early childhood and the realities of the classroom environment.

[Kate Philbin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great follow up to Ross Green's Lost at School on the same topic and model. Although in many ways it mirrored Lost at School, Green does a nice job in taking the CPS model a step further (including providing the website to access necessary tools and training resources throughout the chapters). Lost and Found explains the components of the model then explains or provides an approach to develop the skills to implement the strategies. Green even discusses how to get CPS running in schools in a realistic way. What better way to an educator's heart?

[Cherish Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

(5☆ Would recommend & would read again)
Such a great resource! I liked how the book not only taught the strategies but also gave examples of it being used. I also liked the feedback/testimonials that were given throughout the book from people who used the strategies. The most helpful thing to me was when he gave an example with people doing the strategies wrong, pointed out what was wrong, & redid it correctly. I would recommend. I read this book first & now I'm going to try to find a copy of Lost at School.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource!
This is perfect for teachers who are curious about positive ways of helping challenging students in the classroom. Dr. Greene not only gives advice and guidelines about being more proactive and collaborative in your approach, he gives several examples through real life scenarios along with a resources to guide you toward successful implementation.
I'm anxious to get started, to implement a new way of helping all my students find success.

[Kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mostly underwhelming because I’d already read a more extensive version of his theory and method. Might be good for a beginner? However I also have a hard time with the “selling” structure of the book: I know Greene’s method is highly effective with kids who some find challenging, I don’t need to be quite this convinced.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Transformative and challenging

It’s not often I read a book about classroom management that is so challenging. I have been in the classroom for awhile and I am pretty good at my job. Usually when I read a book it’s mostly stuff I already know and do. This book however challenges me to a real paradigm shift. I will definitely be sharing it with others at my school.

[Jessica Sellers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kids are trying to communicate when they have bad behavior. Use words to break it down and come up with a solution

Behavior challenges are due to lagging skills

Focus on problems that are giving rise to behavior

Notice problem, “what’s up” “I’ve noticed that”

Listen and ask clarifying questions

Take time to do this and stop using the ineffective things over and over

[Kellee Packham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great and interesting concept. It goes along with my belief system about why kids act up. We need to get to the root of the problem, not just try and solve the behavior disruptions we see. It can take a lot of time at the beginning, but seems that it could actually help lower the incidence of behavior issues.

[Mrs. McCormick Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting look at an alternative to school discipline. I've always thought that dishing out negative consequences and suspending students doesn't solve any problems. Greene provides a framework for starting to tackle problems that will actually help students build skills and strategies for conflict resolution.

[Rhonda Batiuk]

When a principal mentions this author on more than one occasion you think I should probably read the book. So you purchase start, restart, restart again until you can’t recall did I actually finish the book. I really do not like scripted conversations. It seems great in theory but then I get in my head and overthink everything.

[Rachelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this the first time, but bought the 2nd addition version and read the book. Would love to have a book study and implement this at my school. Teaching not only students empathy, but also adults can go a long way in changing our culture.

[Dest · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reframing behavior issues! This reminded me of my favorite parenting book How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It’s all about solving problems collaboratively with kids. It’s also about empathy.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this and will be trying to implement a similar philosophy, my only concern is with solution "type c" it worries me to put expectations on a shelf, I fear that it will cause utter CHAOS in my classroom.

[Aaron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good to get more context and hear thoughts from educators who have been part of successful implementations of CPS. It's a helpful resource when confronting the admitted challenges presented by attempting to do this stuff in a new and more productive way.