Slow Loss: A Memoir of Marriage Undone by Disease

by Lois Kelly

What happens when the person you love slowly unravels from a chronic, incurable disease? What happens to you?With raw honesty and piercing insight, Slow Loss chronicles a woman's emotional journey as her husband succumbs to Parkinson's and dementia, and she evolves from wife to caregiver to widow.

Heartbreaking and laced with dark humor, Kelly's poignant memoir unveils the realities of caregiving, from being crushed by anger and fear to making hard decisions with surprising outcomes. It is brave, fresh, inspirational, and encouraging without toxic positivity or sappiness.

Slow Loss speaks to anyone facing the gradual loss of a loved one, offering hard-earned wisdom, a beacon of hope, and so much love.

 Let Lois Kelly's unflinching account be your lifeline.

Genres: Memoir

196 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 5, 2024

Reviews

[Elizabeth Flis · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you begin to sum up a ten-year caregivers’ journey? Lois does through short stories that show love, life, and unimaginable loss. Her stories are rooted in the small details of life that carries you through the challenges, pain, and destruction of Parkinson’s disease. Thanks for sharing, Lois. I laughed and cried—and hope others will too!

[Stephen Hatch · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a revelation.

My dear wife is now suffering from Parkinson’s dementia, and it is accelerating. Reading “Slow Loss” hit me hard. Yet, seeing that I am not alone in my doubts, lack of constant patience, and overarching sadness is a tonic that I wish I had found sooner. Thank you, Lois Kelly, for your words.

[Kimbrough · Rating 5 out of 5]

We all know the definition of a memoir. This one presumptively fit the category the moment I started reading it. While this is not a how-to-caregive story, it is a how-I-did-it one. It is a practical one, making her book extremely salient in a society where we are seeing alarming conflagration in Parkinson's, dementia, and Alzheimer's type dementia. It's a world today where narcissist tendencies have left assisted living and nursing homes full of people who have been dumped soon after diagnosis because their so-called loved ones couldn't be burdened. Caregiving is arguably one of the most self-sacrificing actions one can do. Ms. Kelly's story is a clear picture of how she did it. And she did it her way. She's gritty in many places but always spares us by not ultra-deep diving into the unspeakable. She makes us jump from the reading chair to say, "That's exactly what I would have done," or "My husband, mother, partner, or other was that way." You can read all the how-to books on caregiving you wish but never see actionable caregiving as Lois Kelly has shown us. Full-frontal nakedness in her unreserved testimony is what we get and what we need about life, love, and the brutal hand some of us are dealt.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Don't even think of putting me in a place like my mother lived (in)....I'd rather be dead than live in one those...facilites... Please, promise me this." So says the afflicted husband in this book.

(As for me, I'd say "Save yourself! Put me in a facility!")

Thank you, Lois Kelly, for a fearless and honest report of spousal caregiving. Especially in one of the dementias where the damage is less in (what we sometimes call) cognition, and more in emotional regulation, social communication, judgment. And, frankly and floridly, psychosis.

No one can do this alone. Why are so many people being expected to try?

[Laura W. Stanton · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has walked down the road of caregiver ending in a husbands death, I can both relate and appreciate this open and caring story of love and loss. Emotions swirl and the list of "to do's" is exhausting. What's coming around the corner? Can I cope? When will it end? How can I be kind and protect myself emotionally at the same time. Lois tells it like it was for her.

This is a great book for those in the middle of the struggle or those reflecting back. Also good for dear friends who want to understand.

Laura

[Mary Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Authentic!

This story is masterfully told. The best part about it is everything. Its full of what really happens with real humans managing really sucky disease. No toxic positivity here. Comfort comes in huge waves of truth and resonance. From the fist page to the last, this reader said, “I am not alone.”

[Lauren Lamm · Rating 5 out of 5]

brutally honest, painful but helpful

I have a husband with PD and I needed to read this book. This is a very realistic journey of the terror, heartbreak and loneliness that a caregiver of PD encounters. But, it also gives hope for life after and helps to ease some of the guilt during the process.