Becoming Us: 8 Steps to Grow a Family that Thrives

by Elly Taylor

When couples start thinking ahead about their 'transition into parenthood', they picture the family of their dreams. But 'transition' doesn't describe the reality for most new parents. 'Adventure into the unknown' is more like it. And, like any adventure, there's bound to be some rivers to cross and mountains to climb. If you're a new parent, you'll be discovering this for yourself. Your baby is beyond adorable, but some of the learning curves are probably steeper than you'd expected. Breastfeeding doesn't necessarily come naturally at first. Settling your baby can leave you with frayed nerves. Negotiating visits from your in-laws can cause conflict and your partner just doesn't understand. Some days you're ahead and others you're feeling snowed under. You may wonder what's happening and why it's happening to you, when everyone on Instagram seems to be doing just fine. If this sounds like you, don't worry, you're not alone! Forget Instagram. Most new parents struggle at some stage. Chances are you just weren't prepared for it all. You had regular check-ups during pregnancy, a team for your birth and then nothing, nada, zip. You and your partner have to figure out all the 'after you get the baby home stuff' on your own. But what if you could both plan now for the next river or mountain or snow day? Even if you have older children? What if you could have foresight for the normal and common parenthood challenges that life's likely to throw at you over the next few years? What if, no matter where you were in your parenthood adventure, there was a way, not only to cope with the challenges, but to pull closer as a couple through them and become the best parenting team possible at the same time? There is a way. It's never too late to create the family you dream about. AND you don't have to figure it all out on your own. You may just need some direction to get you to the next stage. Based on 15 years of research, Becoming Us describes the normal stages that mothers, fathers, and partners go through as they raise a family, and ways to navigate each stage. People say nothing can prepare parents for parenthood, but Becoming Us gives you the knowledge, practical skills and guidance to love, learn and grow - step by step - into a family that thrives.

Genres: Parenting, Relationships

366 pages, Paperback

First published March 5, 2014

About the author

Elly Taylor is an Australian perinatal relationship expert and founder of Becoming Us.

Elly's passion is preparing couples for the joyful but often challenging transitions of parenthood. She is an advocate for including fathers and partners in all aspects of pregnancy, birth and early parenthood to support whole family bonding.

Elly lives in a Sydney beach house with her firefighter husband, their three children and a bunch of pets. Becoming Us is her first book. Her second is waiting for her.

Reviews

[Karina Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book focuses on building, maintaining, and growing your relationship with your partner after having children. It covers 8 steps to grow your relationship. The steps are: prepare for your baby, build a nest, manage expectations, set up base camp, embrace your emotions, welcome your parent self, grow together through differences, and connect and reconnect through intimacy.

A useful read, though the main theme through the book is a focus on communication. Hard to look past the grammatical errors though. Wanted to give it a four, came close to giving it a two because of all the errors.

[Jaiden · Rating 4 out of 5]

AWESOME READ

This is a great read for parents and birth workers alike. I would definitely suggest reading if you’re pregnant or thinking about starting a family. It is great at giving both perspectives of each situation explained which is nice.

[Le Shepard - TherapyBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give this book every time a couple I care about becomes parents.

[Meryn Callander · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the transition from being partners to becoming parents, I believe it is virtually impossible, before a baby arrives, to appreciate the changes in lifestyle that will be demanded of us. And even more impossible to fathom the changes that will occur within us as we become mother/father, and between us as we assume these roles. In fact, in the U.S, 30% of fathers leave their families in the first 3 years after the birth of a child, and many more leave emotionally.
If every parent-to-be or new parent were to read Becoming Us there would be a dramatic number of reductions in the number of men who leave.
Little acknowledgment is given the fact that pregnancy is a time of tremendous change and uncertainty for many men. During pregnancy, dads-to-be have legitimate needs and concerns, and addressing these enables a man to be more fully present to his partner and baby. Imminently readable, practical and engaging, this book addresses the very legitimate issues and concerns that emerge for the expectant dad, and supports him through this vital passage to parenthood--all this, in a nutshell.
While there are a number of books written to support mothers in the transition to motherhood, and a few supporting dads, there are very few that directly address the couple. This book does that in a way that engages both mom and dad (or partner)... and paves the way to a deeper shared connection for couples in the transition from being partners to becoming parents.
This book is a must read. The insights and wisdom gained from Taylor's experience as a relationship counselor, educator, columnist and—perhaps most significantly--wife and mother herself, are evident on every page.
Meryn Callander, Why Dads Leave: Insights & Resources for When Partners Become Parents.

[Shannon Hayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book for couples who have just welcomed new members to their families. Elly Taylor is an Australian relationship counselor and columnist for Practical Parenting magazine. She has observed that there is a lot of great writing about pregnancy and birth, and lots of written instruction and theory on how to parent, but there is little collected information about the transition couples make from romantic partners to parents. This is a book that, to quote the author, looks at "the stretch marks" that spread across a relationship once a new baby (whether a first, second, third...or fifth) enters a household. ...An important topic that all of us seasoned parents would have benefited from exploring in advance!