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How to Have That Difficult Conversation: Gaining the Skills for Honest and Meaningful Communication
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
October 7, 2026
Really good practical tips. I just got bogged down with it by the end - it felt like they repeated themselves a lot. I also ended up skipping a few chapters that didn’t feel applicable.
November 24, 2025
The authors have written a very good book that is intensely practical, helpful, and convicting. It does not merely help the reader to get a leg up on their opponent, but encourages the reader to take personal responsibility and see “the other” as a person who is in the same need of grace and help that they are. The book has short digestible chapters, allowing one to read and then think upon the content before absorbing more information.
Here are some key concepts and quotes that are especially helpful. Regarding feelings, the authors wrote, “Knowing what you are feeling is not a natural ability, and it may take a little work. Know the difference, for example, between being hurt, sad, angry, frustrated, afraid, and anxious. One mistake many people make is identifying angry feelings as hurt feelings.” (Cloud & Townsend 2005, 52) That is important for us to consider. When engaging others, it is important to “Affirm and validate the people you confront so that they know they are valued.” (Cloud & Townsend 2005, 55) The idea is helpful and a good challenge to those who may struggle with being merciful when engaging with what they perceive to be wrong. However, a word of caution is in order because many feelings and actions are sinful. In this case, affirmation is actually harmful.
Chapter fourteen is an excellent discussion on forgiveness. The authors organized the distinctions in forgiveness, reconciliation, and trust as follows. “The simplest way to help you organize your thoughts as you confront this problem is to remember three things: 1. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Forgiveness is not holding something someone has done against her. It is letting it go. It only takes one to offer forgiveness. And just as God has offered forgiveness to everyone, we are expected to do the same (Matt. 6:12; 18:35). 2. Reconciliation has to do with the present. It occurs when the other person apologizes and accepts forgiveness. It takes two to reconcile. 3. Trust has to do with the future. It deals with both what you will risk happening again and what you will open yourself up to. A person must show through his actions that he is trustworthy before you trust him again (Matt. 3:8; Prov. 4:23).” (Cloud & Townsend 2005, 75) Those distinctions are not only vital but sadly lacking in Christian understanding today. The Scriptural support and clarity is absolutely crucial.
There are many other solid, practical points. It is grounded firmly in biblical principles, which is both essential and refreshing to this reader. There is also a much-needed emphasis on personal responsibility, often lacking in contemporary society. Many people would benefit from reading and implementing the truths undergirding this book.
Here are some key concepts and quotes that are especially helpful. Regarding feelings, the authors wrote, “Knowing what you are feeling is not a natural ability, and it may take a little work. Know the difference, for example, between being hurt, sad, angry, frustrated, afraid, and anxious. One mistake many people make is identifying angry feelings as hurt feelings.” (Cloud & Townsend 2005, 52) That is important for us to consider. When engaging others, it is important to “Affirm and validate the people you confront so that they know they are valued.” (Cloud & Townsend 2005, 55) The idea is helpful and a good challenge to those who may struggle with being merciful when engaging with what they perceive to be wrong. However, a word of caution is in order because many feelings and actions are sinful. In this case, affirmation is actually harmful.
Chapter fourteen is an excellent discussion on forgiveness. The authors organized the distinctions in forgiveness, reconciliation, and trust as follows. “The simplest way to help you organize your thoughts as you confront this problem is to remember three things: 1. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Forgiveness is not holding something someone has done against her. It is letting it go. It only takes one to offer forgiveness. And just as God has offered forgiveness to everyone, we are expected to do the same (Matt. 6:12; 18:35). 2. Reconciliation has to do with the present. It occurs when the other person apologizes and accepts forgiveness. It takes two to reconcile. 3. Trust has to do with the future. It deals with both what you will risk happening again and what you will open yourself up to. A person must show through his actions that he is trustworthy before you trust him again (Matt. 3:8; Prov. 4:23).” (Cloud & Townsend 2005, 75) Those distinctions are not only vital but sadly lacking in Christian understanding today. The Scriptural support and clarity is absolutely crucial.
There are many other solid, practical points. It is grounded firmly in biblical principles, which is both essential and refreshing to this reader. There is also a much-needed emphasis on personal responsibility, often lacking in contemporary society. Many people would benefit from reading and implementing the truths undergirding this book.
January 25, 2026
Be emotionally present. Be clear about "you" and "I." Clarify the problem. Balance grace and truth. Stay on task. Use the formula, when you do "A," I feel "B." Affirm and validate. Apologize for your part in the problem. Avoid "shoulds." Be an agent for change. Be specific. Differentiate between forgiving and trusting. Tell people what you want.
April 19, 2026
Good practical tips.
May 1, 2026
Practical tips that I’d revisit as needed! I appreciated the specific examples for dealing with difficulties of hard conversations.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews