Orion Spring The New Rules The Ultimate Guide to Being Her.

by Margarita Nazarenko

Inspiring, simple and practical advice from TikTok sensation, hit podcaster and YouTuber Margarita Nazarenko. With Margarita's trademark wit and directness, this book is like your portable best friend.

We all want to live the best life we can, but how do we sort through all the confusing messages about how to do that?

Margarita Nazarenko tells it like it is when it comes to women and relationships - and women's relationships with themselves. A qualified life coach, YouTuber and TikTok sensation, Margarita advises women not only about how to navigate relationships with men, but how to create wonderful lives with or without a relationship. Her message is don't expect to have a great life if you're not creating it for yourself first.

The New Rules collects the wisdom Margarita has shared with her followers all over the world as well as new insights - and a bit about Margarita herself - in her unique and inimitable style. Margarita is agony aunt, big sister and best friend rolled into one, and this book is a portable best friend that women can carry with them throughout the day - and throughout life.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Personal Growth, Feminism, Love

320 pages, Paperback

Published May 23, 2024

Reviews

[Teresa Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

If women read only one self help or relationship book, let it be this one.

What an incredible, thorough, well articulated gift Margarita has given us. You can hear her heart and soul and conviction come through her writing. This book is everything. Read it. Then read it again.

[Eliška · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bible.

[Ash · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book for learning how to become your best self. I loved it so much. Margarita is so blunt, but in the best way. A loving way to help get through the the reader about self love, boundaries, relationships.

[Karma Hamilton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some chapters called me out and were so good and very helpful. Some chapters were problematic imo and didn't resonate at all.

[Shivi · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars - there’s a few nuggets of wisdom at the start of the book and in Chapter 5 but the rest, well read on…

I’m really trying not to write a scathing review but even as I go back through my annotations it’s hard not to feel a sense of frustration. This book had *so* much potential.

The book just felt very superficial and not in a good ‘light/fluffy/fun read’ way either. I thought this was going to be a fun dopamine-inducing read giving lots of feel-good dating advice but honestly there wasn’t even that much around dating. I think it was more aimed at those already in relationships, and even then I’m not sure how useful it would be.

The book just droned on and on, it was such a struggle to get through. The 13 ‘rules’ that the book is divided into are very loose. Some I could hardly remember them and then certain chapters have all these extra sub-rules within the ‘rule’. I really wish they’d re-thought how the book was structured as I think a lot of the chapter titles have been confused with ‘rules’.

I think the examples used to illustrate concepts were quite weak or just non-existent. I wished the author used more real-world examples from other people(as sometimes her own anecdotes were a bit boring honestly, or just needed to have been fleshed out a lot more). If you’ve ever read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, you’ll remember he uses a lot of real world examples to illustrate concepts - I think that could have been used in this book with great success.

This should have been full of fun dating stories, analogies, etc to illustrate a point but any ‘examples’ she did use were one or two bland sentences at most. There was so many missed opportunities for the author to make reference to history, pop culture, human evolution and physiology to back up her assertions. For example, there was one throwaway sentence mentioning Helen of Troy - as someone who never learnt about Greek mythology this would have been a perfect opportunity for the author to have given a little mythology lesson here and really emphasised her point. Instead she wrote “Like Helen of Troy, to go and cross seas. We literally give life.” I felt exasperated reading it, I kept thinking ‘Teach me something!’

I found it strange that she didn’t cite any research in her book and yet holds a lot of strong opinions on human psychology and behaviour that she lays out as if they were fact.

The one time she did mention ‘research’ was this hot mess of a sentence:
“I grew up with a single mother and often it is said - and found in research - that when a woman grows up with a single parent who is a mum who has to work and has to provide, who has to have both masculine and feminine energy, the mother often goes into her masculine energy, which the girl then emulates”. I have zero idea what the research part could be referring to. Also why didn’t someone edit this to say “single mother”? There is just so much of this word vomit throughout the book.

Half the time I just felt like the author was stating the obvious? I.e. Don’t name-call and don’t belittle your partner. Don’t have children with men who behave badly. Show appreciation. There was just no nuance to anything. You don’t need to ‘harness your feminine energy’ to express gratitude and not be a dick to your partner. Nor do you need to read this book.

She seems to have a really negative viewpoint on women, often referring to the woman being angry, frustrated and the instigator of arguments in relationships . There was a lot of negative imagery, several times she described a woman who is feeling burnt out as an angry ‘little rat in the corner’, assuming that you will ‘feel ugly’ if you’re burnt out…which just seemed unnecessary?

Lots of really outdated stereotypes of men and women:
In reference to men she says “Yes, they’re more logical”

The book just needed a good edit in general, a lot of sentences just didn’t read very well:
- “…because if you were in your truth and in your goodness”

- “You’ll find out if you’re crazy about her and from her beingness, not from her doingness. Because all this cooking and cleaning and sexual performance is very *doing*.”
The whole book is written like this. Far out, I’m honestly surprised I kept going after that 😅

Look I definitely liked some of the concepts in the book, the whole reason I bought it was because I was consuming a lot of the feminine energy/soft life content on YT & TikTok but wanted to read about it. Unfortunately this book wasn’t executed nearly as well as I had hoped - still on the lookout for something to scratch that itch. I’m hoping Manifestelle comes out with a book one day as I trust she can write as well as she speaks.

I’d love to suggest some books for the author to read to expand her views on feminism, gender roles and relationships(with plenty of research to back up the authors’ claims!):

- Boys will be Boys by Clementine Ford

- Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez

- Untrue by Wednesday Martin

- How to Not Die Alone by Logan Ury

- I Don’t by Clementine Ford

[Anne-Lotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5/5. Love love love Margarita and what she teaches. However, if you listen to her podcast and tiktoks there is no new information in the book.

[Iveta Krejčová · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am usually sceptical regarding books labelled as “tiktok sensation”, but this book is nothing but absolutely fantastic. Explains a lot about modern dating, why women usually don’t understand what’s going on in men’s heads (and vice versa), but mainly why is it so important for us ladies to water our own grass, take care of ourselves and live out of our feminine energy to live a soft life.

[Jada Henderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think that every young woman in her 20s should read this. If you are not used to this type of content it does however require an open mind and honesty with yourself. MN does use a lot of the popular buzz words, concepts, and terminology that we’ve been conditioned to hate because of their overuse on the internet, but in a way that encourages autonomy and self-empowerment, etc. Overall. . So much free game! I could see this being a regular replay (Audible) for me, as I think the content is so applicable to my own life and could be super beneficial in my work as a couple’s therapist!

[Brooke Weinbaum · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been listening to margaritas tiktok and podcasts for more than a year and her way of explaining ideas is incredible -she’s funny, makes you WAKE UP and get it. This is for anyone who is single or in a relationship and looking to re-examine how you value yourself and act in your (mostly romantic) relationships.

[Ilona J · Rating 5 out of 5]

very practical and insightful

Very insightful tips and rules to embrace feminine energy in relationships, career, friendships and on your own. Lots of valuable examples and explanations. It was definitely worth to read and implement some of the rules. Thank you.

[Chelsea Giles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend reading this ladies!! I learned a lot about both men and women. Was hard to read some of it knowing it’s true but very enlightening and empowering overall. She repeats some of the same points a few times which kind of annoyed me but besides that it was greaaaaat.

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

There’s some small anecdotes that are helpful but a good chunk of this book is “men are just wired this way and sorry to say- but you don’t need to lead or be a leader because that’s a masculine trait”. I actually don’t hate her IG material- but this was borderline TRAD life… and not in a feminine let’s take our power back way. :/

[Anastasia Kit · Rating 5 out of 5]

The BIBLE ❤️

“If you change a core belief and master it, you will be the master of your own mind. Which means you’ll be the master of your universe.”

[Paige Lesley 💐⭐️ · Rating 2 out of 5]

The second part of the book was just a let down sorry

[Solarpunkmom · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this reluctantly thinking it would probably be 70% stuff I hated, and maybe 10% stuff that was useful. I found the opposite to be true. I really thought a lot of this would be like the trailhead for the trad wife pipeline, but I honestly think trad wives would hate this book. There’s a lot of gender essentialism in here, and some bits where it could be a solid critique of capitalism and but instead is blamed on feminism (particularly the girl boss version of feminism, which fair enough, sucks). But most of it is just basic advice to decenter men, engage in self care, and when you do partner with someone, be a team.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and I love the lessons inside. I needed this and will reread when I need to!

[Fionn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy read with practical advice! If you like her videos you’ll love her book ❤️

[Kayla Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of my favorite “self help” books I’ve ever read 👏

[Claire Long · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many creators dissecting modern femininity get it wrong in my opinion — presenting only binary options like being a “girl boss” who doesn’t need anyone or conversely being a traditional, submissive wife and mother. Margarita’s advice is pragmatic and captures the nuance of how to live authentically, channel your creativity and femininity, and foster healthy relationships that help you get the best in life without burning out or constantly self-sacrificing.

[Caitlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t necessarily agree with everything the author said, especially regarding feminine and masculine energy (which I find to be somewhat binary), but I found her perspective thought provoking and helped me to re-align myself with my wants, needs, energy and boundaries. I think this is a super helpful book if you have an anxious attachment style and emphasizes the importance of detachment and holding your own; removing people and things from your life that no longer serve you.

[lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

margarita you’ve changed my life and relieved such a burden off my shoulders- feeling like i have to do it all. i like that this book offers concrete examples and lessons that focus on mindset shifts rather than striving to achieve and do more.

i will say, i’m not sure if it’s because i’m in the states and read a kindle version but there were several distracting editorial errors. for example, on page 173 this sentence was repeated twice in the same page. again it was minor but distracted me from the message. still 5 stars for me.

“This control often manifests as frequently checking in on their partner, asking where they are, what they’re doing, or if they’re okay, under the guise of concern which is the essence of mothering energy.”

some takeaways:

“how can someone worship you as the goddess that you are if you’re not treating your body like the temple it is?”

“Transform yourself into your own passion project. It's time to channel the obsession you have for others back towards yourself. Drape your self-worth around the structures of your own dreams, your personal narratives, rather than tethering to someone else's whims. Dwelling on milestones like when he might pop the question? That's a surefire way to evaporate into nothing more than a reflection of his expectations, leaving nothing substantial for him to engage with.”

i will forever be grateful for your content!

[Rice! · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I tell you I will be re-reading this book at least every other month! I have already been a fan of Margarita’s podcast and her advice has been so pivotal for my self growth. This book is just icing on the cake. In my opinion it is a must read for any woman.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I jumped at the chance to get Margarita’s book without giving it much thought, and frankly it was even better than I could have imagined. So much wisdom and counter-culture thought. I also loved hearing her background and her Mom, with a Russian best friend it resonated for me.

Few decisions have the kind of impact on your life as the person you pair with, and the cost of choosing poorly is exceptionally high. I did not choose wisely when I married my former husband - I learned a lot from that but I get to move on, while my children get the short end of the stick. I wish I could warn every young woman to choose carefully - Margarita does so much of that. But better.

She introduced me to the term Soft Life, which is a life philosophy I’ve had for years but couldn’t really label as succinctly. When working full-time as a mom of new babies, I resented the demands of a 9-5 - feeling pulled in two directions constantly and failing at everything. Around that time Sheryl Sandberg wrote the book, Lean In… and I just wanted to shout … please no, let us LEAN OUT!

It’s okay to want to be at home at least some of the time or depend on your husband. I think “having it all” is absurd - and look forward to hopefully an age of post-feminist ideology. Men and women are different but complementary - can’t we embrace our differences and gifts without degrading the entire opposite gender? That being said, I believe it’s wise to get the education, skills and independence so you’ll be just fine on your own if that relationship doesn’t work out.

All that to say, Margarita’s book is a refreshing take for women and definitely a must read.

[Alexis Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been following Margarita online for about a year, and she has been one of the driving forces in my transformation to a woman who has boundaries, knows what she wants, speaks up for herself, and is no longer an overbearing people-pleaser. While I'm still working on these things daily, much of my inspiration came from her guidance--and she's younger than me. We have different spiritual beliefs, but she truly understands how men and women work and breaks down the many mistakes we make as women that hurt us the most. Her approach to femininity and standards for relationships are superb, and she does all this without bashing men. Instead, she dissects how the sexes operate and makes it easy to understand and apply to your life. I wish I had guidance like this in my youth, but I've learned it's never too late to break the cycles of your past. I highly recommend this book and her content to women who are tired of being doormats and want healthy, thriving, long-term relationships.

[Katrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Fresh, Empowering Take on Modern Love

I picked up The New Rules after seeing a friend reading it and thought, why not? I love a good self-improvement book, and this one definitely delivered a fun and empowering perspective. Whether you're navigating the dating scene or in a long-term relationship, it offers valuable reminders about self-worth, boundaries, and not settling for less than you deserve ✨

It modernises some of the classic “rules” for today’s world - think texting, social media, and changing relationship dynamics 📱❤️ I appreciated the mix of sass and substance, and how it encouraged a sense of confidence without coming across as too rigid or old-fashioned.

Some parts were a bit repetitive, and I didn’t agree with everything 🤷‍♀️ but overall, it’s an easy, enjoyable read that left me feeling motivated and a little more grounded in my own relationship standards. Definitely worth picking up if you're curious!

[Chelsea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book, but I just couldn't. It seems to be based on outdated ideas of masculinity and femininity, and stereotypes, "yes men are more logical" WHAT?!.

There is nothing in this about becoming a powerful woman with boundaries. It's all "he will do this because he is a man, and you just need to compromise with yourself to allow it."

It oozes privilege in almost every page, suggesting that you can just pick up and leave your religion if you want to. I think the only acknowledged barrier was that it isn't easy to leave an abusive relationship. BUT, then further along the author suggests not having children with bad men. Well, really? You think women choose that? I'd suggest that behaviours are often hidden until its too late, but sure, we'll just do better *eyeroll*.

Overall, I'm just glad I borrowed it from the library and didn't purchase, it was a pleasure to return it.

[Kelsey Dye · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best sister/best friend advice book I’ve ever read! She’s so honest and truthful, and all around one of my favorite podcast-YouTube gal I’ve come across in a long time! If you need a little sisterly advice whether single, dating, or married THIS IS YOUR GIRL! I laughed out loud so many times, and found myself nodding my head a lot. Margarita, you’re such a queen, and as someone who doesn’t have a sister, thank you for being a fill in, and reminding me of my worth, and the Goddess I am!👸🏼

• also I listened on audible, and she narrated it so I feel like it was way more giving in the sense of hearing her read it to me as if she were saying it to my face. Regardless RUN, go read or listen to this one. I plan on reading/listening again next time with notes. 😉

[Ana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I initially thought that this book would just be a fun, “learned a thing or two” read, but I ended up reading the whole thing in just a day as I reflected on my hits and misses over the last year. It’s so easily consumable and I like that it pushes me to focus on the improvement of my self-concept without making me feel bad for wanting human connection. In fact, it gives an insight to how we can tap into our truest self and use that to our advantage when building a relationship or nurturing a partner.

As a binge-watcher of Margarita’s Youtube videos, I’d say that this is a good collection of her existing content. A handbook of sorts, which I know I’ll find myself flipping through when I need a reminder of who I am and what my values are.

[Vivian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is fantastic and I know I will come back to it every so often to review the principles it contains. Some may bristle at the concepts and views presented but I have seen time and time again examples in my own life that proves Margarita's words to be the truth. I've shared it with my mother, who wished she had access to such a resource at a younger age.

The first half of the book was pretty much word for word the same contents from her podcast episodes. However, I have no regrets to be able to revisit the content in written form. It's only a testament to just how much I love the podcast, that I've listened to it so many times, I can recognize it word for word in the book.

[Tamara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is fantastic for anyone who wants to tap in to their feminine energy. There are a lot of nuggets of wisdom on how to treat yourself, any potential partners or your long-term partner; it’s a great book for self-help and self love in the realm of feminine energy.

If you’ve ever seen Margarita’s TikTok‘s and resonated with them, you will probably love the book.

It’s probably something I’m gonna keep going back to.

It seems as if the book is a transcript of the podcast - I wanted to listen to the podcast but it was word for word the same as the book, so I might skip the pod.

There are quite a few editing errors that I noticed. Spoils the read a bit for me, but not too much.