Becoming Un-Orthodox: Stories of Ex-Hasidic Jews

by Lynn Davidman

Leaving a religion is not merely a matter of losing or rejecting faith. For many, it involves dramatic changes of everyday routines and personal habits.

Davidman bases her analysis on in-depth conversations with forty ex-Hasidic individuals. From these conversations emerge accounts of the great fear, angst, and sense of danger that come of leaving a highly bounded enclave community. Many of those interviewed spoke of feeling marginal in their own communities; of strain in their homes due to death, divorce, or their parents' profound religious differences; experienced sexual, physical, or verbal abuse; or expressed an acute awareness of gender inequality, the dissimilar lives of their secular relatives, and forbidden television shows, movies, websites, and books.

Becoming Un-Orthodox draws much-needed attention to the vital role of the body and bodily behavior in religious practices. It is through physical rituals and routines that the members of a religion, particularly a highly conservative one, constantly create, perform, and reinforce the culture of the religion. Because of the many observances and daily rituals required by their faith, Hasidic defectors are an exemplary case study for exploring the centrality of the body in shaping, maintaining, and shedding religions.

This book provides both a moving narrative of the struggles of Hasidic defectors and a compelling call for greater collective understanding of the complex significance of the body in society.

Genres: Religion, Psychology, Nonfiction, Judaism, Jewish

272 pages, Hardcover

First published February 1, 2014

Reviews

[K · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing on many levels.

I think many people can benefit from a rigorous, scholarly analysis of why people leave Orthodox Judaism. Sociologists and anthropologists can study self-reinvention and the "coming-out" process for individuals who are reinventing themselves in a variety of social contexts. Orthodox educators and leaders who are concerned about disenchantment and disengagement from the religion would do well to study rigorous and enlightening research about some of the contributing factors to this phenomenon as opposed to some of the tawdry memoirs and hand-wringing and free-association around Shabbos tables and in blogs. I was hoping this book would represent such a contribution. Sadly, it didn't.

This book is largely composed of selected excerpts from 40 interviews Lynn Davidman conducted with formerly Orthodox Jews. The narratives she includes are frequently repetitive and sadly, not especially enlightening. One of Lynn's main and recurring themes, the fact that leaving Orthodoxy is frequently manifested in "bodily practices" (e.g., the way you eat and dress), is not particularly profound or ground-breaking. She also fails to distinguish nuances among the social contexts of her interviewees, who include 38 formerly Hasidic Jews (Satmar as well as Lubavitch, which any insider would know are very different contexts) and two formerly Yeshivish/Litvish Jews (again, very different from Hasidic as well as at least one woman who clearly grew up in Israel though this is unacknowledged. A great many of them hail from dysfunctional families, but no effort is made to distinguish between the personal family dysfunction and communal/religious influences. While I can't blame Lynn's informants for blurring these boundaries, I would expect more nuance, sensitivity, and intellectual honesty from Lynn as a researcher.

Also disturbing is the description of one of her "Yeshivish" informants, a man who allegedly never saw a television or entered a library but was sent to a yeshiva in Baltimore (clearly Ner Yisrael), which Lynn describes as "one of the best Haredi yeshivot in the United States." Ner Yisrael is actually one of the most open-minded of the "Haredi" yeshivot (I'm not even sure the word "Haredi" is accurate as a descriptor, although the students there do wear the uniform). The attitude toward college is far more open in Ner Yisrael than in any other "Haredi" yeshiva; they even facilitate the students' attending college classes. It's highly, highly unlikely that a family who elected not to have a television and never brought their child to a public library would choose Ner Yisrael, where he would clearly be attending college, as opposed to one of the many truly Haredi yeshivot where he would be more cloistered. In describing this individual Lynn is clearly either misinformed, disingenuous, or sloppy, which casts some doubt on the credibility of her research in general (there were a few other narratives that hit some false notes as well).

Finally, Lynn's intermingling of her own experience as someone who left Orthodox Judaism together with her various narratives is a bit troubling. On the one hand, her position as someone with similar experiences to her informants should certainly be acknowledged and may enhance the book's power in some ways. On the other hand, she is clearly lacking in objectivity and actually acknowledges that she is drawn to this material for emotional reasons, which may make her a less-than-ideal candidate for studying this phenomenon in a neutral, all-encompassing way.

This is certainly a topic that needs to be studied, and I imagine that any researcher who chose to do so would have some biases. Still, I hope the next researcher who chooses to tackle this topic will be more committed to thoroughness and intellectual honesty and write a book that actually contributes to understanding this phenomenon.

[Max · Rating 3 out of 5]

For a book clearly written for an academic audience, this was extremely readable.

In this book Davidman brings together overarching themes from over 40 interviews she has conducted with ex-Hasidim over the years. Overwhelmingly, she writes, the act of being Hasidic, the act of thinking about leaving, and the actual act of leaving the community are all played out in and on the body. Orthodox Judaism is a very physically bounded religion - and the more extreme sects of Hasidism, Satmar and Lubovitch even more so. The act of the religion itself is embodied physically - ritual baths, washing of hands, specific dress, specific ways of being, acting, speaking and interacting with the world are all manifested in the physical body of the adherent.

As Davidson explains, however, the act of trying to leave and then leaving the community is also heavily embodied. Her interviewees describe wearing pants for the first time, carrying money on the Sabbath, wearing pants (for the women), and even tucking payot (sidelocks) behind ears (for the men) as extremely dissonant events. These actions create physical manifestations of the act of rebellion. Davidson draws parallels to the LGBTQ community and the risks of "coming out" (either as gay, or as non-hasidic) as ways that personal identity is tied into one's physical self.

This was a fascinating book. I would have liked to have read more about the history and current life of her ex-hasids. Some of the stories are heartbreaking (physical abuse, emotional abuse), and some are fascinating. All, however, are worthy of being told.

For someone not familiar with the world of Judaism, specifically Ultra-Orthodox Judaism, parts of this book may have been confusing (as someone who grew up in the world of Orthodoxy, I didn't need any extra explanations - but others might).

There is also some repetition between the chapters - which may be due to this being an ARC, or it may be for academic purposes (this way you can assign just one chapter to your students, and they won't be confused).

Again - this is very much an academic text that I can see being used in sociology, religion, anthropology and possibly psychology classes. However, it may also be of interest to those who are fascinated with this world and wish to read and learn more about it. Those who enjoyed Deborah Feldman's two memoirs (Exodus: A memoir and Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots), Cut Me Loose: Sin and Salvation After My Ultra-Orthodox Girlhood by Leah Vincent, The Rabbi's Daughter, or even those who enjoyed the novels The Romance Reader, Hush and I am Forbidden may find this to be a fascinating book.

Well worth the read.

With thanks to NetGalley and Oxford University Press for the advance copy.

[Esil · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher through Netgalley. I give this book 4 stars for content -- for the narratives of the people the author interviewed. Their lives and struggles are fascinating and Davidman conveys many details that capture the similarities and differences between their stories. Any book I have read dealing with the defection of Hasidim from their communities is usually about women. It was therefore especially interesting to read about both men and women, and their differing circustances. I recognize that this is an academic book that required a thesis to hold all of the narratives together, but I found the opening and closing chapters dwelling on Davidman's thesis less compelling than the narratives themselves, and suspect that she may even have been less interested in the polemic than simply conveying all of these moving stories. But still, Davidman's book is well worth the read given the material she presents.

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good thought, poor execution. I was hoping for lengthly and descriptive essays from those who had chosen to leave their religious communities. The author, rather, chose specific excerpts from the contributors to reinforce her points and then provided analysis that was so repetitive that it was almost insulting--like we readers are too thick to get her thesis the first ten times she mentions it. Her analysis was also choppy and inconsistent. She would talk about how excited and exhilarated someone was to break a commandment and then turnaround a paragraph later and talk about their debilitating fear and shame. I wanted to know so much more about each participant but it was just so superficial. Also, a lot of self-promotion for her other books and an embarrassing amount typos and punctuation errors.

[Beth Peninger · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Thank you to NetGalley and Oxford University Press for this advanced copy. In exchange for a pre-publish copy I am giving an honest review.

What an interesting read. I am always intrigued by people who make a choice to take off their old skin and put on new skin, so to speak. What keeps a person in a community? The people of the community? The rituals and/or traditions of the community? The religious beliefs? All of the above? None of the above? One of the above? And when a person makes a choice to break from that community and the beliefs associated with it what does that look like? Feel like? Sound like?
Lynn Davidman broke from the Orthodox Jewish community about 40 years ago. But she still is loosely tied to it, not necessarily because she wants to be or because she has purposed to be but because some of the characteristics of the Orthodox are so deeply ingrained in her that even after 40 years she still displays slight interests and ties to it. This is her second book on Orthodox Judaism, clearly there is still an interest and a curiosity within her. To form the basis of this book Davidman interviewed 41 men and women who had broken from the Orthodox and Ultra-Orthodox faith of Judaism. She was looking for similarities as to why they "defected", for themes, for anything that might be a spotlight on the issue. Interestingly enough all of them, including Davidman herself, started to disassociate from the Orthodox beliefs at a young age, elementary school for most of them.
Drawing from several interviews that stood out Davidman writes a book that uses the voices of men and women who have left their Orthodox life behind. For most it took literal years to completely leave and create a new life. In your mind it is always easier to do something than it is when your heart is involved and people you care about are involved. And what begins as an internal rebellion can only stay internalized for so long, eventually it has to have an outlet. Davidman identified the most common external outlet for these Hasidic Jews was to go against dress codes, dietary laws, and bodily care mandates. These shows of independence led to other acts of rebellion against the 613 laws they were supposed to attempt to keep each day (no I am not exaggerating).
As I read the book the two things that came to mind the majority of the time was how courageous these people were and how community has a much bigger impact on our lives and decisions than we may understand or realize.
It is courageous to break from tradition, to follow your heart even when it is the unpopular choice, to leave the comfort that the culture you don't agree with provides in spite of not agreeing with it, to risk being disowned by every single person you know - family and friends - because you no longer believe or worship like they do. It takes courage to be swimming upstream when everyone else is headed the other direction.
Our communities have a large influence in our lives. They play a role in our values, our morals, our traditions, our choices, our beliefs, even our characters. When we walk away from the community it is painful and isolating, even if walking away was our choice. Making the choice to break from the only community you have ever known is not easy and even if you know it is the right decision it doesn't lessen the pain that comes with it. This was very evident with the people Davidman spoke with in their words and in the length of time it took them to actually make a permanent break.
Lynn Davidman is an academic and so she writes as an academic. It didn't bother me too much but there were some word choices she employed that were annoying and unnecessary. Outside of that minor complaint I thought the book was well-written, well-researched, and thought out. It was a fascinating read.

[Hallie Cantor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Offers sympathetic insights into the mindset and motivations of those who leave the faith. Although there is no one pattern, they seemed to share common threads: disturbed or "non-normative" homes, faulty or simplistic educations, feminism, personality issues. Some were simply attracted to the glamor and freedom of the outside world, which might have highlighted the severity or poverty of their own homes. All this made me wonder if it was Charedi society, more than Torah Judaism, that led these people to leave. My impression is that certain elements within Orthodoxy (rigidity, communal pressures) may have exacerbated an already dysfunctional situation within the person's private or family life.

While interesting, this book, intended as a sociological study, was far from objective. It seemed to be all about the author, herself a "dropout" who is pushing an agenda, or at least, looking for like minds. In both contrast and comparison she brings up her own background -- an intelligent, willful girl who resented the female role in Orthodoxy. Apparently she found people here who all validated each other. The pious are reduced to either cold, callous villains or mysterious creatures on some desert island. Better recommended are other books like OFF THE DERECH which address similar issues among the disenchanted, along with solutions to keep them engaged in the religion.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Davidman provides a clear and insightful analysis of the process of leaving an enclave community. The book is easy to ready and thus accessible to a wide audience. This study provides a fascinating glimpse of Hasidic society showing the appeal of an Hasidic lifestyle and its drawbacks from the point of view of "exs". All in all, a great read.

[Lisa Faigin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had such high hopes for this book. The author would have done better to just string the anecdotes and personal stories together. The book is choppy and the narrative between stories serves no purpose but to reintroduce the subjects. If you feel you must read this, skim the book and read just the italic sections.

[Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

My wife loves these escaping religion books. I decided to take a jump in. Living in NYC for the last 18 years I am no stranger to the lives of the Orthodox Jewish way of life, some of them even living in my building. It was sad to think about how they are born into this life, and those who disagree with the practices of it have little recourse to get out, since even their family have it dug into their head to not help or trust anyone who isn't of the exact same religion as them, and leaving means no longer being family. This book tells the stories of a number of men and women who did manage to escape, how they did it, and how a more secular life has been for them ever since leaving. Pretty interesting stories here.

[Dorothy Hodder · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a child of fundamentalist Christians, I relate strongly to the experiences and emotions of these ex-Hasidic Jews as they separated their identities from their communities of origin, and began to make choices that differed from those they had been conditioned to accept as inevitable. Multiple types of fear-based fundamentalism present critical problems for all of us in today's world, and overcoming the kind of conditioning that produces those limited worldviews is an unending task. This book is interesting and enlightening, and I would rate it more highly except for its intensely academic style.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

This rating is more like a 2.75.

This is one of the drier books I've read about people who defect from ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities. This was more of an academic type book with interviews than a memoir, which is what the vast majority of the books I've read on the subject have been.

There were still some interesting perspectives, and I will admit that this book spelled out differences between the Satmar community and the Lubavich community.

[Fred Coat · Rating 1 out of 5]

Having read other accounts about departing, all I can say about Davidman's soulless book is, if you want to read very little personal comments by Hasidim and loads of social-cultural commentary that isn't even backed by credible data, this is just the read for you. Couldn't even bother to finish it. Yuck.

-Fred Coat

[Madeline Romanski · Rating 4 out of 5]

tldr, it is biased. it’s bro advertised as a non biased book though, and i had to keep reminding myself that

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seeing the common themes that those who are leaving Orthodoxy encounter helped me process my own journey. I saw myself in these stories. A very valuable book, both for those who left and those who are still Orthodox.

[FM · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a scholarly discussion of why and how people leave "ultra-Orthodox" (a term not embraced by those who are Haredim) Judaism. The author, a professor at the University of Kansas, interviewed 40 people who had formerly been in Hasidic or Yeshivish communities but who had left. Davidman does a creditable job finding themes among those she interviewed and grouping their stories into those themes. She includes excerpts from the interviews to illustrate their stories, both the commonalities and differences between the interviewees' experiences.

I live in a part of Pittsburgh where there are a number of orthodox Jews, including a Lubavitcher community, and find the cultures to be fascinating. At the same time, like many people who don't have experience living within a "fundamentalist" religious community, I would personally find the strictures of living an intensely observant life to be unbearable. The author does a beautiful job of explaining the role of the strict practices that are followed, and how they are observed in the body: hair styles, clothing, prayer practices, discourse between genders, cooking/eating practices, marriage practices, etc. Davidman makes a compelling argument that leaving the observances of the Haredim life has its manifestation on the body and that leaving the community isn't just a matter of belief: it's a matter of learning a new set of behaviors and body practices. I have found similar themes in other books about leaving religious communities (such as "I Leap Over the Wall" about leaving a strict Catholic convent) so this was a fascinating comparison.

This book is more of a scholarly look at the subject--a qualitative study with a discussion of the themes that emerge--than the typical nonfiction book. This is not a criticism but simply a way to describe the book to others who may want to read it. I would have liked to know more about what happened to the subjects after they left--how did they find ease and comfort after leaving the only life they had known. Were they all shunned by their families? Were they able to find peace and fulfillment in their new lives? I would have liked one more chapter in this book that explored that aspect of leaving.

[Dana · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author of this book analyzes why and how a variety of people left the Hasidic faith. She explains that the clothing, speech, food and other outward signs were large parts of their faith and what they symbolized and how changing these outward things showed how the people were changing inwardly. She also explains that no matter how much they change, their background and childhood in the Hasidic faith affects them for their entire lives. I received this book free to review from Netgalley.

[Felicia Roff Tunnah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked reading the stories but the author's interpretation was repetitive and not particularly illuminating.

[Daniel · Rating 3 out of 5]

intersting, but a bit repetitive. This would have a been great if written as a long magazine article.

[Foxglove · Rating 2 out of 5]

Would have made a better article, needed editing.

[Laurie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was time to feed my need for all things orthodox so I knocked this one off. Focuses on the adjustments one makes before during and after leaving Hasidic communities.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very exciting look into lives I know nothing about. Each of the stories will captivate you and you will want to learn more and more.