The Marriage You Want: Moving beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health

by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Keith Gregoire

We all want a marriage that feels like home. We long for a partner who is there for us through all of life's challenges and griefs, who is in on all our inside jokes, who delights in the family we've built together, who looks with hope toward the future with a shared faith and an arm firmly around our shoulders. But how do we get there? What actually works in the real world and honors the picture of marriage found in Scripture?

Based on the findings of their meticulous research, Sheila Wray Gregoire and Dr. Keith Gregoire dispel the pervasive myths about what makes a happy marriage. Rather than relying on gender stereotypes, they look at what actually creates intimacy, emotional health, and connection, asking deeper questions that lead to real healing and growth in your relationship with your spouse.

With enlightening stories, survey results, and practical tools, this book will help readers create a marriage they love. And with the evidence-based, Scripture-honoring advice in this book, that just may be closer than you imagine.

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Relationships, Christian Living, Audiobook

232 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 11, 2025

About the author

Sheila Wray Gregoire is an award-winning author of 9 books, including the ground-breaking Great Sex Rescue, and founder of BareMarriage.com. She's passionate about changing the evangelical conversation about sex to something that is mutual, initimate, and pleasurable for both. She heads up a team of researchers who want to bring evidence-based, healthy advice to evangelicalism when it comes to relationships. Sheila lives in Belleville, Ontario, with her husband Keith. They are the parents of two adult daughters.

Reviews

[Nico · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed this book and how much I learned! As someone who loves reading about marriage, I honestly didn’t expect to find so many new insights. But this book is full of powerful advice that shape a couple into a true team.

One of the things I appreciated most was the writing style—clear, thorough, and packed with helpful visuals. The many graphs and key takeaways make the research so easy to understand, reinforcing the points in a way that sticks.

At first, I was a little hesitant. As an atheist (with a Christian husband), the opening chapter about finding God as a couple made me wonder if this book was for me. But I’m so glad I kept going! The book focuses on studies and research-backed advice—and what advice! It’s practical, well-supported, and incredibly applicable, regardless of your beliefs.

One of my favourite aspects was the real-life examples. Unlike many marriage books that stick to outdated stereotypes—“the wife is a quiet homemaker with a low sex drive” and “the husband is an aggressive William Wallace from Braveheart”—this book acknowledges that not all couples fit into those molds. Some do, some don't, and that's ok. So the example scenarios show many different ways in which diverse couples aren't working well as a team and hurting their relationship. Sometimes in small ways I hadn't even thought of. There are plenty of examples and I found these very very helpful!

Another thing that sets this book apart is how it avoids the common pitfalls of other marriage books. I find secular ones often place too much blame on men, while religious ones tend to blame women. But this book? It doesn’t take gender into account in that way. Instead, it focuses on each person’s unique strengths, gifts, and weaknesses—whether they align with traditional roles or not. But that’s crucial because the stats don’t always match those stereotypes! It was refreshing to see a book that recognizes the diversity of relationships. The advice is adaptable to YOUR relationship. No one-size-fits-all approach here!

I also love that this book doesn’t make working on your marriage feel like a chore. Too often, marriage books give overwhelming lists of things to do, sometimes guilt tripping, making it easy to procrastinate. But here, the advice is simple, actionable, and—somehow—life-changing.
A key takeaway from this book is: let's stop with the message that marriage is hard. Life is hard, but marriage should make your life easier, not harder!

This book has easily become one of my favourite marriage books. Thank you, Keith and Sheila!

Ps: "calling your mum yourself leads to a better sex life" is my favourite accidently funny statistic of the book 😆

[Melanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book. All opinions are my own.


Sheila and the Bare Marriage team have done it again. THIS IS IT! This is the marriage book that the evangelical world has needed for decades. This is the book that I will take any couple through that I perform their marriage from now on. This is the one I will recommend to anyone needing a tune up.

Things I love:
They talk about the practical side of marriage from a balanced perspective and talk about the pitfalls that so many fall into and there are things for BOTH spouses to consider (not just piling more on the wife).
They go through the foundational things needed to build a strong marriage and talk about why each thing is important.
They use actual data for everything they talk about. This is not just them spouting off their opinion or trying to get everyone to emulate their marriage. They look at the Bible, they look at scientific facts and they point the right way.
They use the Bible the right way, but also don’t get preachy, so even someone without faith could read this book and likely wouldn’t feel it’s heavy handed on the biblical perspective, or that it’s only written for Christians.
They talk about issues for all points in a marriage. This can be marriage 101 for a newly engaged couple, but this can also be a marriage wake up call for someone married for 2 decades (or more!).
They properly label what is abuse and give actual resources for help in this area, not just brush it off as “oh well, we’re not writing for you. I hope it works out for you” like so many others do.
They are fun and approachable in how they write. Funny stories, applicable anecdotes that feel much more real life than many books.
I’m a big fan! And your marriage will be strengthened from learning how to work as an equal team when you put these principles into practice.

[Hannah Melugin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the marriage ~book~ you want! The Marriage You Want is the kind of marriage self-help book people are desperately looking for. Rather than giving pat answers and relying on strict gender roles, the Gregoires dig deep into what it means to be a good spouse, what behaviors lead to failure or flourishing, and how to honor Christ in your marriage. Plus, the surveys and data lend credibility to their claims— while they use anecdotes to make a point, everything they say is statistically proven with the charts right there for your perusal. Such scholarship in Christian resources is rare, and it’s refreshing to see it here. The book is organized thoughtfully around the acronym BARE (Balance, Affection, Responsibility, Emotional Connection) as the four pillars of a healthy relationship. While this is a Christian marriage book, the Gregoire’s approach is that a Christian marriage should be a good marriage, and give healthy advice that would lead to flourishing no matter your faith background. This book has given simple, practical advice that has already made a difference in our marriage. It was worth every minute spent reading and discussing it.

[Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This marriage book is different than all the rest! "The Marriage You Want" is packed with (appropriately applied) scripture, charts and tables highlighting original research and practical wisdom. The book dissects incorrect teachings and preconceived notions, proves it with research and ends with extremely practical advice in all aspects of marriage. The authors definitely achieved their stated goal of creating a desire for and showing the path of the reader to "create a marriage you love instead of staying in a marriage you hate."

I wish this book had been around during my destructive marriage. While abuse is confusing, what the evangelical church and harmful marriage books speak into a marriage is harmful. This book shines gospel and practical truth so one can wisely discern the state of their marriage. Now we need to get every pastor, couple, single, counselor etc to read this so we can rescue people in hurting marriages and create healthy marriages from the start.

*I read a digital copy as part of the launch team.

[Bethany Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a lot of highly recommended books on how to have a good, “Biblical” marriage. I have tried following their advice and it has not yielded the promised results. The Marriage You Want is refreshingly different. Not only have they actually done their research, but because they have, they present a “whole picture” view of marriage. Many of the books that I have read don’t seem to consider the fact that God intentionally created humans the way He did and, instead, actually seem to glorify struggles, loneliness, etc in marriage as either evidence that we are doing the right thing, or proof that we need to grow spiritually. While I readily acknowledge that I have much growing to do, it was a welcome change of perspective to not have marriage framed as the ultimate, but most fulfilling trial of life. When I read this book, I was reminded of what my original view of God’s intention for marriage was… two people, knowing and loving each other unconditionally, working together to serve and grow closer to God.

[Natalie Herr · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t know how much I needed to read a research-backed Christian marriage book. The authors take a look at what marriage outcomes are actually like based on certain Christian beliefs held by each spouse, unlike many other Christian marriage resources that promise certain outcomes that can’t be guaranteed (in the neighborhood of “just follow this particular interpretation of this one verse out of context and your marriage will be great”). Tons of gold in here, will definitely need to read again.

[Morgan Reyelts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! What an excellent book! The author, Shiela, and her husband Keith dive into some of the things that make marriage great. The book is based on Scripture, a large statistical analysis, and experience. Not only does the book offer real stats about men and women and what makes marriage thrive, but the book also does not fall prey to some of the more toxic teachings about marriage that are common within the church. You can expect to read about quality teamwork, healthy boundaries, maintaining and rebuilding trust, communicating what may be hard but is important, experiencing more intimacy (both emotional and sexual), dethrowing entitlement in your marriage, how to productively and effectively find one's role in the relationship, exploring each other's strengths and weakness to bless the relationship, and the importance of thinking about the other person's prespective and feelings. I would recommend this book to those who are soon to be married and to those who are already married. This book left me really thinking about multiple aspects of my marriage and how I can make certain areas of our lives better. My favorite part is in the conclusion: marriage isn't supposed to inherently be hard. When we put the work in and do what is right, marriage is supposed to make our lives easier and better!

[Prairie Girl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read if you are interested in creating your best possible marriage.

The first thing I noticed was the conversational tone of the book. Yes, it is FULL of facts (real facts, backed up by solid research, not opinions presented as "facts"), but it is very easy to read and to understand. Even the charts and graphs (and there are a lot of them) are summed up with a "Key Takeaway" for each, in case interpreting graphs is not your forte. So it manages to be knowledgeable, scientific, and extremely thorough without being in the least intimidating.

It is also solidly Biblical, a truly Christian perspective on what marriage is meant to be and how to achieve that. It will help you to create a marriage that is intimate and that meets the needs of both spouses in ways that are Biblical and that have been proven to work.

Much of it feels like plain old common sense, which, after so many Christian marriage books that rely on gimmicks or pat, unrealistic answers, is a relief. But let me be clear: Just because so much of it seems like common sense doesn't mean that there is nothing new to learn here. In my opinion, their Marriage Hierarchy of Needs in Chapter Two is solid gold. It got me thinking about issues of fairness and balance in a whole new (and much clearer) light. If that were the only new idea in the book (and it is not), it would be worth the price of the book.

I was also impressed by how realistic their advice is. For example, yes, you do need to spend time together as a couple, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you must find the time and the money for a weekly date night. If that doesn't work for you in your situation, then the authors present several other creative ideas that might work better for you.

The Marriage You Want is thorough, reliable (you can't argue with what so much data so clearly shows), practical, and realistic. It's the most comprehensive and trustworthy book of its type, and I can't recommend it highly enough.

[Elisabeth Fulton · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible book. Practical, straightforward, evidence based and full of data, inspiring and encouraging. Sheila and Keith inspire couples into something amazing through teamwork, giving practical advice that will challenge and benefit BOTH partners. This is such a refreshing book to have in the Christian marriage space, I sincerely hope it takes hold of the culture and becomes the next bestseller.

[Christa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally a book promoting what a healthy marriage looks like! If you've read Gregoire's work before, some of this will be familiar to you. However, this book is more holistic, talking about all sorts of areas that make a relationship healthy for both partners. Filled with new data, The Marriage You Want is relatable and practical. It's refreshing to read an evidence-based book that honors God and Scripture and is filled with strategies and content that actually work to create a relationship that is healthy. It's definitely worth a read!

[Lauralee · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Marriage You Want" is an enjoyable and worthwhile read. It would be an excellent book for an pre-marriage course as it covers the different aspects of a healthy relationship. Each chapter is a characteristic of a good marriage, (Balance, Affection, Responsibility, and Emotional Connection), and supported with evidence from their marriage, the Bible, and a widespread survey conducted by the authors.

I appreciate that the writers don't deal in stereotypes and outdated ideas of marriage. Rather than blaming one gender or the other for problems, they approach marriage as a team where both spouses are equal partners who work together to face the difficulties of life and grow as individuals. The authors provide examples of potential issues that are framed as imbalances of each characteristic and solutions rely on both partners working together. They also address uncooperative or abusive partners with practical advice. Furthermore, Sheila and Keith talk about sex frankly and scientifically instead of relying on patriarchal views that blame or harm women. They describe good sex as emotional and physical intimacy that satisfies both wife and husband. Overall, their approach of balance, teamwork, and consideration for both spouses is a refreshing way to look at marriage.

I highly recommend this book to engaged or newly married couples as it lays a solid and balanced approach to marriage. I think it's also a good book for experienced couples to read together to enrich their marriage.

[Julie Lindberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought my marriage growing into a team was just a matter of personal preference, or a circumstantial mix of luck and intuition. Turns out it's divine common sense, and Sheila presents this positive message in a delightfully low-pressure and attainable way.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read a fair number of Christian marriage books. I have a wonderful marriage, so I'm not really looking for help, but I like to pick one up occasionally to see if there are any areas where my husband and I could improve. For the most part, in my experience, Christian marriage books fall into one of two categories: 1) Irrelevant and boring. I tend to not even finish these ones, and I often wonder why they were written at all. These are the ones that sort of just meander through anecdotes from the author's own marriage and never actually come to a point or offer any concrete advice. 2) Really cringey. At least these ones are entertaining. They often come packed with advice and lots of tips for implementation, but unfortunately their advice tends to be impractical at best and seriously questionable at worst (and often, once again, based primarily one what the author thinks has worked in his/her own marriage, which isn't helpful if your marriage looks different from theirs).

The Marriage You Want fits neither of these categories. It isn't boring (especially not if you like to look at survey charts and read endnotes!), and it is filled with practical, down-to-earth advice for improving your marriage. And I don't think I cringed once while reading it!. While the authors include several stories from their own marriage for illustrations, the core of their message comes from a large survey of married couples that they conducted, and not from their own experience. So my marriage doesn't need to look exactly like theirs for the advice in the book to work. Moreover, they understand the need for nuance. Not all people, marriages, and circumstances are the same, so the advice given needs to be delivered with wisdom so as not to inflict harm. Advice that may be helpful for a relatively healthy marriage could be catastrophic if given to an abusive one, and vice versa. Advice for a marriage with two neurotypical people may be less than helpful for a marriage with a neurodivergent partner. This book understands that, and thus strives first to teach guiding principles for marital health and then to provide guidance for applying those principles in various situations.

Likely my favorite part of this book was just how PRACTICAL it is. This really comes out in the chapter on Friendship, but it is present throughout. I have read too many marriage books that teach the need for copious amounts of time and money in order to maintain a relationship, but when you have small kids and a single income, that often isn't possible. This books gets that and never implies that your marriage is doomed unless you can magically come up with 3 more hours and $200 more dollars in a week to take fancy dates with your spouse. Their suggestions are practical, down-to-earth, and should be possible for nearly every couple to implement. I was so grateful for this.

My sole complaint against the book was the lack of discussion questions. I read the book with my husband, and I would have really liked to have questions to guide our discussions, because there is plenty to discuss! After we finished reading we ordered the study guide, and I suppose I can see why they put all the discussion questions in a separate book. There are a LOT of them. So if you would like to discuss this book with your spouse, or even if you would like more guidance in processing it yourself, you should get the study guide. It includes discussion questions for singles, married couples, engaged couples, and small groups, as well as journaling prompts, prayers, and date ideas to go with each chapter. My personal preference would have been for these to be included in the book itself, but others will probably be glad of a separate workbook to process through. (And having a workbook might keep your actual book in better condition!)

[Amanda Buhler · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to strengthen an already strong marriage, or if your marriage is struggling, or if you're just starting out - this is the book for you!

The Marriage You Want is filled with genuine stories from Keith & Sheila's marriage, such as their heartbreak over the loss of their infant son, how Sheila learned to adapt to life in a smaller community after growing up in a large city, how Keith balanced/balances a his pediatric practice with marriage and family life. There are also stories contributed by those who have written to Bare Marriage.

I appreciate how the personal stories are balanced with evidence based information, stats, peer reviewed studies, and decades long research programs from well respected experts. I recognized the names of many of those referred to, such as Dr. John Gottman, whose books on marriage and relationships are also exceptional.

Just like other books written by Sheila, as well as the other book Keith has co-authored, The Marriage You Want first helps you identify the root issues (I really liked being reminded how important it is to keep asking, "Why?") and then offers practical solutions. Not just solutions in theory, but things that actually work.

The information in this book should interest both women and men. It's not a "men are to blame for everything going wrong," or a "women just need to be more active in the bedroom department" book, either. In fact, it dismantles both of those myths quite handily. It reminds couples they are a team, both equally important and on the same side, pulling together.

It's applicable to marriages of all stages. Even though I've been married for 23 years, I found myself pausing many times while reading to stop and think as what I read hit home. It's also a great book for newlyweds, and is definitely a book I'll be buying to give to my children when they are preparing for marriage, as well.

I had already pre-ordered this book when I was invited to read an advanced copy and give an honest review.

[Clare S-B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unlike a lot of other marriage books I have read it actually gave me new things to think about, and challenge me on! It was written about what a good marriage is not how to attempt to drag yourself from a terrible marriage. Sure it could be used to help in a terrible marriage, but it was really nice to have a book that felt like it would help everyone, even those people with an already decent marriage or just starting off a marriage where nothing has gone wrong yet. And a lot of it was about both serving one another together.

And was really good at admitting that stereotypes are stereotypes and sometimes don’t match reality at all and other times shouldn’t even be stereotypes at all. My favourite bit was all the stats from the survey they did. There were so many graphs with key takeaways as well that helped make the stats simpler to interpret. I feel like I’ll need to read it again when I have a hard copy though!

Some of these questions that there are stats results for would be prefect for dating/engaged couples to look at together and think about how they would expect to be able to answer them. And being able to see which answers show the best outcomes in general, as a bit of a real world application of what a good partner and relationship looks like. And a setting of expectations for a healthy marriage.

A little line that stuck out to me was that to love your neighbour as yourself means you need to love yourself too. If you hate yourself you don’t want to act that way towards your neighbour!

I especially loved the view of marriage being the part of life that helps you bear life’s burdens. That is what marriage is supposed to be. Many other books make it feel like its always a slog and being married is a hardship. But marriage is not supposed to be the burden, and if it is… something is wrong and needs fixing/working on. Life is hard sometimes, but marriage is meant to be the safe space. And that is such a beautiful view of marriage.

[Denisa Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me, most of the things in the book feel like common sense but the reality shows they are not. I liked that is very practical and based on studies. You can see all the research the authors put into each section. It’s worth reading even if you are or not in a relationship/marriage but open to work on yourself and wish to be a good partner.

[Sarah Greene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t bother with any other marriage books but this one

[Rachelle Cobb · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I enjoyed reading this book together! Addresses a lot of things other marriage books don’t (or get wrong)

[Ruth Stauffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m very excited about the book The Marriage You Want: Moving beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health. It is refreshing to read a book that focuses on Biblical principles for marriage and not man’s opinions of what it is supposed to look like. It has been heartbreaking in recent years that so many in evangelical circles have bought into the misogynistic and abusive ideas of what they think marriage is supposed to look like and not what Scripture teaches us. Instead of popping labels on men and women this book looks at what really works in marriage when you apply the principles of Scripture. It was good to see the evidence based research and many of the charts and graphs should help couples realize how to connect on a better level to have a vibrant marriage. I think many will find the section about functioning as a team, as you bear each other’s burdens ,while carrying your own load very helpful. They have many resources in the appendix for those who need help with counseling, help with abusive relationships, help with sexual issues, etc. It is so comforting that there is a book out there that is safe to read, biblical in its foundation and is a good resource for those who want a healthy and vibrant marriage!! The Lord meant for us to have healthy and happy marriages. Happy reading :-)

[Lindsay Kinney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is encouraging and contains many useful tips from which to draw inspiration in your marriage (and mine!). The evidence is data-driven and the Gregoires are sensitive to the limits on a marriage book, informing the reader when it would be appropriate to include a licensed therapist with training in trauma or to contact an attorney for legal advice. Why don’t we see this more often in self-help books? This speaks to the care and thought that went into their work as a whole.

When the Gregoires highlight something outside of their wheelhouse, they’ve provided extensive notes and suggest other authors. Very helpful and responsible.

So what actual information resonated with me most? The chapter on levels of intimacy helped me gain new perspective about quality actions within a relationship. Also, the tiers of communication and how few couples really reach the depth that they can share intimate knowledge with each other. They have some great suggestions about how to get there! These are valuable insights, again backed up with a gazillion tables of data, that will help take a relationship to the next level.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a marriage book I can wholeheartedly recommend! My son recently got engaged and asked me for a marriage book that he and his fiancé could read together. I had none to offer—until now. This book is so practical, and the emphasis on teamwork in marriage truly makes my heart happy. Marriage isn’t about one person leading the other; it’s about two people who love each other, working as a team to build a life together. This book shows you how to do just that. Is it easy? Not necessarily, but it doesn’t have to be hard. It requires sacrifice and service from both partners. This book provides practical guidance on finding the balance so that one partner isn’t doing all the sacrificing and serving.

I especially appreciate the section on mental load. I had never heard of this concept when I was newly married, but it is a fascinating idea and so vital for a healthy, strong marriage.

[Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Marriage You Want is a book that is worth keeping on your bedside table. It’s an important reminder of the points to which you can constantly be working on with your spouse. Whether they were talking about household duties, mental load or intimacy I appreciated the charts and the amount of work they put into their stats to back up each point.

My husband and I have been listening to their podcast for a couple years now and this book is a great companion to the information they talk about on their podcast.

I recommend this book for all couples whether they have been married for a month or even 50 years. It’s never too late to learn and shape your relationship into a healthy, God honouring partnership.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

This book gives me so much hope for healthy teachings that can hopefully permeate the church. Sheila and Keith Gregoire have done their research, put their stats in conversation with a variety of verified sources (both of which make my academic heart happy), and have given language to the unspoken thoughts of so many couples in the pews when confronted with toxic teachings.

One example of many (I found myself highlighting most of this book because their examples and reasoning are so validating) is their logical confrontation of “husband as decision-maker” model taught in so many churches. They rightly observe, “When disagreements hit, she may default to, ‘This must be the time I’m supposed to submit,’ or he may default to, ‘I’m supposed to step up and decide for us’…But every time a couple chooses this shortcut and fails to truly wrestle through a problem, they deprive themselves of the opportunity for growth while also confirming their expectation that intractable disagreement is normal.” Thank you for articulating the logical consequences of these unhealthy teachings!

Issues they tackle throughout the book include mental load, emotional labor, fair contributions at home, libido, unwanted sexual behavior, emotions, and abuse dynamics. Rather than presenting Bible verses out of context to tell struggling couples to “suck it up, you made a commitment,” Shelia and Keith have a “yes, and” approach with data and Scripture to help Christian couples recognize their marriages should be happy and healthy.

The church and her people have a lot of toxic unlearning to do, and this book is a great first step. It’s the only marriage book I’m going to recommend to couples!

[Eliza Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the free audiobook that I received for placing an advanced order for this book. My husband and I have followed the Gregoire's for several years now, and their work has brought us so much growth and joy. And this one is no exception.
If I could sum it up in one phrase, it'd be, "teamwork is better than hierarchy!"

Critics will say that getting rid of hierarchy in marriage isn't biblical, but the vision of marriage presented in this book sounds way more like Jesus (love your [spouse] as you love yourself... two are better than one... consider how to spur one another on to love and good deeds) than the cadre of outdated marriage books that still cling to the top of the best sellers' lists decade after decade.

Stands outs for me after listening to the audiobook (off the top of my head):
+ there's no need when reading this book to say things like - "well, my huband is more like the woman in this situation, and I'm more like the man..." because they don't assign behaviors to specific genders.
+ "don't make things harder than they need to be." This book isn't a burdensome list of rules and "shoulds" it is a hopeful picture of what marriage could be. It doesn't have to be a miserable slog of tenacious loyalty, we are actually allowed to like who we married! Yeah!
+They quote a lot of great evidence-based books and provide tons of charts from their data findings, really raising the bar for Christian authors! No bibliography? No evidence? No thank you!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I wish I’d had when I got married 20 years ago! I read many marriage books at the time, but none of them were helpful with unexpected areas of struggle and pain, and the more I read the more broken and alone I felt.

Keith and Sheila’s book, The Marriage You Want is truly unique and desperately needed. It’s a practical and encouraging resource, providing clear definitions (what do healthy boundaries look like in marriage? When is it ok for a wife to decline sex? What does it mean to be partners and share the household and mental load?), examples of red flags - when and how to seek help - and much more.

“The Marriage You Want” is not a marriage that’s hard, but rather one in which you have someone to bear witness to your life and you for theirs, and be partners especially when life gets hard.

I’ve read Sheila’s other books - the great sex rescue and she deserves better - and highly recommend them.
This new book provides brand new content, and is worth reading regardless of how long you have been married.

[Haley · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, so helpful! This book helps give perspective through experience & stories AS WELL AS statistics! It’s not just, “most men do this, and here’s my opinion as to why,” but actual statistics, and taking a look into complexities that may be at play.

Reading this as a single, there are two main things I got out of reading this:

1. Good advice for how to live with & relate with others (surprise! Skills for being a good person to others can also help your marriage).

2. Hope.
I went to a Bible college, and the course for marriage & the family taught a lot of faulty, biased perspectives, and “solutions” that never would never address issues. The Marriage You Want is by all means the book I wanted as a college freshman: real statistics & research, put together to help us live a God-honoring life.

Halfway through my college course I didn’t want to get married. This book has really changed my perspective, and helped me recognize that, yes, I didn’t want the type of marriage presented by my school; I do, however, want the type of marriage described in this book.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an eye opening and refreshing take on Christian marriage advice. I especially enjoyed chapter 5 concerning healthy marriage being a partnership with shared household responsibilities.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is the most practical, helpful, and realistic marriage advice I've ever gotten. I wish I could go back fifteen years, or maybe even further, to my childhood, and be taught some of these things.

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read it in 4 hours and can’t wait to read through it again! This is the marriage book I needed years ago! So many marriage books we read and studied and they didn’t help or made things worse! This book is full of guiding principles for marriage that are evidence based (peer reviewed studies), adaptable to your unique situation, and just practical! I already purchased the study guide and cannot wait to lead a small group from church through this book!

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am part of the launch team for this book so I read it earlier than its release date. I love the combination of Christ-centered advice, well researched findings by the authors & many other scholars, and personal anecdotes of both positive & negative marriage stories. The writing is clear, concise, and the end of chapter reflection questions are thought provoking. There are flexible, practical suggestions about building each aspect of a positive marriage.

I love that this book treats men and women as equal partners, not in a hierarchy but in the freedom Christ came to give. I also appreciate the real talk about abuse & guidance to an abused spouse to getting to safety. Much better than many Christian authors' advice to married women (mainly) just to pray & stay in abusive marriages.

It's a practical guide that I hope will become a new classic wedding gift -- I would have benefitted from it far more than several books I'd read as a new wife, all of which made it seem that a wife who wanted to please God was expected to manage her husband's ego & feelings by pushing herself down. Not so; there can be love & respect for and from both spouses. I've had to unlearn a lot.