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What Nelson Mandela Taught Me: Timeless lessons on leadership and life
When a thoughtless tweet by Zelda la Grange unleashed a storm, she was ‘Have you learnt nothing from Nelson Mandela?’ This book is her answer. For years, she was the closest witness of Mandela’s interactions with people both famous and ordinary, and here she draws out his lessons on humility, respect, honesty, how to truly listen and what to do if you realise you have made a grave mistake, a lesson she herself had to learn the hard way.
- GenresMemoir
254 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 16, 2024
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March 13, 2025#WhatNelsonMandelaTaughtMe – Zelda la Grange
#Tafelberg
Unlike Orwell’s animals, all criticism has not been created equal. After spending almost two decades at the side of an icon, nothing could force Zelda la Grange to a halt with the impact of this simple question: “Have you learnt nothing from Mr Mandela?”
This followed her posting controversial and impulsive Tweets whilst mourning the loss of her beloved mentor and witnessing the decline of the South Africa that he had envisaged. The media storm that erupted consequently gave rise to self-reflection, and the results thereof to this memoir.
The four sections scrutinize the following themes: The author’s search for her own identity, lessons learnt, an interpretation of Madiba’s legacy as made applicable to current tropes, and a discussion of hope, including the nature thereof.
The offending Tweets are discussed at length. Although the context thereof is offered, it does not come across as an attempt at justification: “People were telling me how disappointed they were in me, but that paled in comparison to how disappointed I was in myself.” (23) On the contrary, the contrition is clearly detectable in statements like: “Now that he’d (Madiba) gone, my true north had faded, and being under pressure, I had failed to allow his influence to dictate my behaviour. I had slipped back into my own selfish and inconsiderate ways…” (58)
A discussion of lessons that she had learnt from Madiba then follows. Topics include leadership, humility, respect, forgiveness, and honesty, but also less comfortable realities, such as biases, blind spots, and prejudices. Thereafter follows the practical effects thereof on the digital age and, more specifically, the potential toxicity of social media and the phenomenon that has become known as “cancel culture”.
The statement “No one is the result of a single mistake… We are complex, messy and full of contradictions” (42) is motivated by reflecting on Madiba’s interactions with the fallen, people like Bill Clinton and Hansie Cronje, and is extended to artificial intelligence that assimilated human behaviour, to wit the 2016 Microsoft chatbot, Tay.
The memoir is part nostalgy, part grief, part anecdote, and part education, emphasizing the fragility of human nature, despite our best intentions.
#Uitdieperdsebek
#Tafelberg
Unlike Orwell’s animals, all criticism has not been created equal. After spending almost two decades at the side of an icon, nothing could force Zelda la Grange to a halt with the impact of this simple question: “Have you learnt nothing from Mr Mandela?”
This followed her posting controversial and impulsive Tweets whilst mourning the loss of her beloved mentor and witnessing the decline of the South Africa that he had envisaged. The media storm that erupted consequently gave rise to self-reflection, and the results thereof to this memoir.
The four sections scrutinize the following themes: The author’s search for her own identity, lessons learnt, an interpretation of Madiba’s legacy as made applicable to current tropes, and a discussion of hope, including the nature thereof.
The offending Tweets are discussed at length. Although the context thereof is offered, it does not come across as an attempt at justification: “People were telling me how disappointed they were in me, but that paled in comparison to how disappointed I was in myself.” (23) On the contrary, the contrition is clearly detectable in statements like: “Now that he’d (Madiba) gone, my true north had faded, and being under pressure, I had failed to allow his influence to dictate my behaviour. I had slipped back into my own selfish and inconsiderate ways…” (58)
A discussion of lessons that she had learnt from Madiba then follows. Topics include leadership, humility, respect, forgiveness, and honesty, but also less comfortable realities, such as biases, blind spots, and prejudices. Thereafter follows the practical effects thereof on the digital age and, more specifically, the potential toxicity of social media and the phenomenon that has become known as “cancel culture”.
The statement “No one is the result of a single mistake… We are complex, messy and full of contradictions” (42) is motivated by reflecting on Madiba’s interactions with the fallen, people like Bill Clinton and Hansie Cronje, and is extended to artificial intelligence that assimilated human behaviour, to wit the 2016 Microsoft chatbot, Tay.
The memoir is part nostalgy, part grief, part anecdote, and part education, emphasizing the fragility of human nature, despite our best intentions.
#Uitdieperdsebek
November 16, 2025
After reading the book, I feel that I know Madiba more deeply. His presence, his values, and the way he carried himself all come through vividly in her stories.
She also shared a difficult chapter from her own life — a painful experience on Twitter after expressing an opinion. What she expected to be a normal conversation turned into criticism, misunderstanding, and judgment, much of it from people who lacked context or hadn’t even read her work. Anonymous voices made the situation feel even heavier.
That period left her feeling ashamed and emotionally exhausted, but it also taught her important truths: that Twitter is not the real world, that people often interpret words through their own filters, and that responding in anger only deepens the harm. She understood that social media can show the worst reflection of society.
Throughout the book, she highlighted the lessons Madiba gave her:
• to walk tall,
• to acknowledge the past without being trapped by it,
• and to make everyone feel that they belong.
And naturally, as she reflected on these lessons, she turned the focus back to her own journey several times — showing how Madiba’s teachings shaped her personal struggles, growth, and understanding. This made the book a blend of who Madiba was and who she became because of him.
Many of his teachings were powerful and timeless. She emphasized that having power doesn’t mean you must use it, that correcting someone should never involve humiliation, and that you never truly know how a situation will affect you until you face it yourself. She reminded us that questioning someone’s integrity without proof reflects more on you than on them, and that no person should ever be reduced to their worst mistakes or their greatest achievements alone. Madiba understood the weight of his power — and the wisdom of restraint.
She also shared thoughts that resonated on a personal level: that change happens in phases, that life is a continuous process of becoming, and that we should always ask ourselves what we want to be known for. She encouraged giving our thoughts freedom and challenging our own biases because everyone belongs somewhere.
The book delivered small yet memorable truths — like how you can’t boil water without burning it — and also bigger ones:
that opportunities to serve others are endless,
that meeting people as equals is essential,
that real leadership sometimes requires firm decisions,
and that negotiation is impossible without compromise.
Above all, she showed that in value-based leadership, the world should clearly see what you stand for. And with Madiba, his moral compass always pointed in the right direction
Some quotes:
*I'm the text-not-call type. What is so urgent that they can't say in a text?
*no one can ever deny anyone feeling a particular emotion, but your choice of words and how you expressed yourself is perhaps where the problem started.
*i have no idea of directions.
*i know I still use anger as a defense.
*My mind races through different scenarios of complete failure.
*in this moment I struggle to notice anything beautiful.
*I feel small and even more inadequate than I anticipated. I want to cry, but I realise no one in the theater would understand my emotions - they have no context
*As I shut the door of my hotel room, my entire world caved in.
*Madiba taught me to walk tall, to be aware of the past, but not for it to dictate my future or how I operated in the world. He made me and everyone else feel that we belonged.
*I failed to provide context and I was generalizing.
*I simply had to face myself, even though I felt deeply ashamed and tearful.
*No matter your age or relationship with your mother, in times of distress or illness, you just want to give up for a while and surrender to your mother's care.
*I realized that whatever I said would add fuel to the fire.
*The loudest criticism came from people who hadn't read my book.
*First mistake! Never argue with anonymous accounts or people who are not prepared to take on a fight without a mask.
*Madiba taught me that blame is a useless concept as it doesn't change the reality of the past.
*We are complex, messy and full of contradictions.
*there is an unwritten rule never to tweet when you are angry.
*I was reminded of a valuable lesson from Madiba :an ordinary person can change your life but also alter your thinking and experience.
*Twitter is not the real world.
*I realized that social media was, indeed, simply the worst reflection of any society.
*I had to learn that when I set boundaries, I need to respect them myself, first and foremost, before expecting anyone else to do so.
*I honestly didn't know how to even pretend to be normal again.
*just because you had the power to do something, it doesn't mean you had to use that power.
*I sometimes spent hours scrolling through other people's lives, while I didn't scroll through my own. That time could be used more productively by investing in relationships, talking to the people in front of me and dealing with my own issues.
*Madiba touched lives he is cherished and remembered.
*when you work with someone so closely, you tend to adopt a lot of their behaviors.
*After Madiba's death, I felt an intense sense of loss.I felt confused about my role in life.
My usefulness to people diminished once the association with Madiba was gone.
*memories warm you up from the inside. But also they tear you apart. ~Haruki Murakami *you never get used to the loss of a loved one.
*suddenly I had no purpose and faced the challenge of having to create one.
*many people shy away from personal storytelling because they are afraid of exposing themseelves, their flaws and their shortcomings.
*We only can learn from each other if we share our personal stories,whether good or bad.No one is ever exclusively good or bad.
*learning from our mistakes is helpful and wise .learning from the mistakes of others is quicker ,easier and less expensive.
*people are not giving each other permission to learn.The brutality of our judgement of others is the norm.
*It was easy to love him.
*Ive beed on a rollercoaster ride over the past decade.
*i miss his sound advice.But from time to time,signs appear.
*Ive realized it is easier to organize someone else’s life than my own.
*I realized that we are never completely changed.We change in phases,and we only stop changing the day we die.
*what do you want to be known for?
*Give your thoughts wings and interrogate your cognitive bias .the thing is,everyone belongs.
*We are all familiar with how words and events can be manipulated to suit a particular agenda .similarly,if someone repeatedly tells a lie it becomes believable to the person telling it, in time they can no longer distinguish between the lie and the truth.
*Most people aren’t willing to get their hands dirty.
*I have made missteps along the way.
*I learnt never to respond when you are angry.
*you will never do anything in your life that will please everyone.
*The memory was so painful that I wanted it obliterated from my mind.
*I was fighting the fatigue with every breath I took.
*We can’t boil water without burning it.
*Every deed in the right direction counts.
*there are endless opportunities to be of service and make a meaningful contribution to someone else’s life.
*Be inclusive not exclusive.-Nelson
*I should never consider myself anything but equal during an encounter with another person.
*If to correct you must humiliate,you don’t know how to tach.
*you never know how a situation will affect you until you are in it.
*There can be more than one version of the truth.
*As a nation ,we haven’t dealt with the psychological impact of the past.
*There is a fine line between populism and sincere contributions.In our current politics,it’s difficult distinguish between the two.
*To question a person’s integrity without valid reason well be a reflection of your own integrity.-Nelson
*Madiba lived by a moral compass.
*We are humans that make mistakes.while dealing with this ,you must now move forward and not allow your personal circumstances to overshadow the good that you have achieved and can bring to the world.~Madiba
*we have incredibly fragile egos.
*Madiba was intolerant of dishonesty.
*We play judge and jury over people who err and prevent them from learning from the mistakes because we discard them like used paper.
*I should never underestimate the big importance of small acts.
*No one can be reduced to only the sum of their worst mistakes or their best achievements.-Madiba
*We create a society in which people are too afraid to make mistakes because they fear being cancelled.
*Madiba understood his power but more importantly he understood when not to use it.
*Revenge becomes a self inflicted wounds.
*once you set your boundaries,they start disliking you.
*it is not my duty to teach people lessons by confronting every situation I come across.
*Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison while hoping your enemy would die.
*It is not the mistakes that defines you but how you learn from it.
*We listen to respond ,not to comprehend,so we don’t truly hear each other.
*people either read what you didn’t say or made assumptions about what you did say .It’s a recipe for disaster .
*As much as we need to address unconscious bias , we also need to address unconscious privilege .
*There is always the possibility that things will get better.
*History has made us what we are .But we don’t have to be bound by history-we can also decide to make our own destinations.
*Abuse thrives in silence.
*We automatically slip into patterns of thinking.
*No people are only what you see about them on TV.
*firm hand was needed when it was clear that some parties were delaying the conclusion of a peace deal .
*A good leader knows when it’s time to force someone,s hand .
*you simply don’t negotiate if you are not willing to compromise,because that is the nature of negotiation.
*In politics,the truth is never freely available.
*Actions have consequences.
*Whenever Madiba met a particular cultural group in south Africa,he made sure that a staff member from the same cultural group was present.It adds a layer of confidence and a sense of belonging.
*people don’t buy into change or solution if they don’t see themselves represented.
*Madiba lived by principle.
*No job was ever too big or too small for me and I was always happy to help.
*Exposure was critical to change.
*never force people to change or the change would not be authentic.
*We all have rules within our social structures.
*Change becomes more challenging as you grow older.
*when It comes to value based leadership,the world should know what you stand for.
*once you destroy an enemy,there will always be a new one .
*No one is completely and wholly loved by all.
*Every choice we make becomes part of the goal we want to attain.
*With digital advertising,you are fed what you are interested in.
*If you constantly listen to negativity,it becomes contagious.
*consuming social media is not reading.
*You were never confused about what he stood for. He didn’t say one thing and do another.
*The learning gets lost in the trauma.
*when you are aware of your own emotions and habitual reactions ,you can manage them better in challenging situations.
*women are expected to be strong but not too strong because then you are perceived to be arrogant.
*people learn to hate.
*when you lose control of your emotions,you give away your power.
*Respect should be given from a place of strength not weakness.
*He famously said that he hoped our choices would always reflect our hopes not our fears.
She also shared a difficult chapter from her own life — a painful experience on Twitter after expressing an opinion. What she expected to be a normal conversation turned into criticism, misunderstanding, and judgment, much of it from people who lacked context or hadn’t even read her work. Anonymous voices made the situation feel even heavier.
That period left her feeling ashamed and emotionally exhausted, but it also taught her important truths: that Twitter is not the real world, that people often interpret words through their own filters, and that responding in anger only deepens the harm. She understood that social media can show the worst reflection of society.
Throughout the book, she highlighted the lessons Madiba gave her:
• to walk tall,
• to acknowledge the past without being trapped by it,
• and to make everyone feel that they belong.
And naturally, as she reflected on these lessons, she turned the focus back to her own journey several times — showing how Madiba’s teachings shaped her personal struggles, growth, and understanding. This made the book a blend of who Madiba was and who she became because of him.
Many of his teachings were powerful and timeless. She emphasized that having power doesn’t mean you must use it, that correcting someone should never involve humiliation, and that you never truly know how a situation will affect you until you face it yourself. She reminded us that questioning someone’s integrity without proof reflects more on you than on them, and that no person should ever be reduced to their worst mistakes or their greatest achievements alone. Madiba understood the weight of his power — and the wisdom of restraint.
She also shared thoughts that resonated on a personal level: that change happens in phases, that life is a continuous process of becoming, and that we should always ask ourselves what we want to be known for. She encouraged giving our thoughts freedom and challenging our own biases because everyone belongs somewhere.
The book delivered small yet memorable truths — like how you can’t boil water without burning it — and also bigger ones:
that opportunities to serve others are endless,
that meeting people as equals is essential,
that real leadership sometimes requires firm decisions,
and that negotiation is impossible without compromise.
Above all, she showed that in value-based leadership, the world should clearly see what you stand for. And with Madiba, his moral compass always pointed in the right direction
Some quotes:
*I'm the text-not-call type. What is so urgent that they can't say in a text?
*no one can ever deny anyone feeling a particular emotion, but your choice of words and how you expressed yourself is perhaps where the problem started.
*i have no idea of directions.
*i know I still use anger as a defense.
*My mind races through different scenarios of complete failure.
*in this moment I struggle to notice anything beautiful.
*I feel small and even more inadequate than I anticipated. I want to cry, but I realise no one in the theater would understand my emotions - they have no context
*As I shut the door of my hotel room, my entire world caved in.
*Madiba taught me to walk tall, to be aware of the past, but not for it to dictate my future or how I operated in the world. He made me and everyone else feel that we belonged.
*I failed to provide context and I was generalizing.
*I simply had to face myself, even though I felt deeply ashamed and tearful.
*No matter your age or relationship with your mother, in times of distress or illness, you just want to give up for a while and surrender to your mother's care.
*I realized that whatever I said would add fuel to the fire.
*The loudest criticism came from people who hadn't read my book.
*First mistake! Never argue with anonymous accounts or people who are not prepared to take on a fight without a mask.
*Madiba taught me that blame is a useless concept as it doesn't change the reality of the past.
*We are complex, messy and full of contradictions.
*there is an unwritten rule never to tweet when you are angry.
*I was reminded of a valuable lesson from Madiba :an ordinary person can change your life but also alter your thinking and experience.
*Twitter is not the real world.
*I realized that social media was, indeed, simply the worst reflection of any society.
*I had to learn that when I set boundaries, I need to respect them myself, first and foremost, before expecting anyone else to do so.
*I honestly didn't know how to even pretend to be normal again.
*just because you had the power to do something, it doesn't mean you had to use that power.
*I sometimes spent hours scrolling through other people's lives, while I didn't scroll through my own. That time could be used more productively by investing in relationships, talking to the people in front of me and dealing with my own issues.
*Madiba touched lives he is cherished and remembered.
*when you work with someone so closely, you tend to adopt a lot of their behaviors.
*After Madiba's death, I felt an intense sense of loss.I felt confused about my role in life.
My usefulness to people diminished once the association with Madiba was gone.
*memories warm you up from the inside. But also they tear you apart. ~Haruki Murakami *you never get used to the loss of a loved one.
*suddenly I had no purpose and faced the challenge of having to create one.
*many people shy away from personal storytelling because they are afraid of exposing themseelves, their flaws and their shortcomings.
*We only can learn from each other if we share our personal stories,whether good or bad.No one is ever exclusively good or bad.
*learning from our mistakes is helpful and wise .learning from the mistakes of others is quicker ,easier and less expensive.
*people are not giving each other permission to learn.The brutality of our judgement of others is the norm.
*It was easy to love him.
*Ive beed on a rollercoaster ride over the past decade.
*i miss his sound advice.But from time to time,signs appear.
*Ive realized it is easier to organize someone else’s life than my own.
*I realized that we are never completely changed.We change in phases,and we only stop changing the day we die.
*what do you want to be known for?
*Give your thoughts wings and interrogate your cognitive bias .the thing is,everyone belongs.
*We are all familiar with how words and events can be manipulated to suit a particular agenda .similarly,if someone repeatedly tells a lie it becomes believable to the person telling it, in time they can no longer distinguish between the lie and the truth.
*Most people aren’t willing to get their hands dirty.
*I have made missteps along the way.
*I learnt never to respond when you are angry.
*you will never do anything in your life that will please everyone.
*The memory was so painful that I wanted it obliterated from my mind.
*I was fighting the fatigue with every breath I took.
*We can’t boil water without burning it.
*Every deed in the right direction counts.
*there are endless opportunities to be of service and make a meaningful contribution to someone else’s life.
*Be inclusive not exclusive.-Nelson
*I should never consider myself anything but equal during an encounter with another person.
*If to correct you must humiliate,you don’t know how to tach.
*you never know how a situation will affect you until you are in it.
*There can be more than one version of the truth.
*As a nation ,we haven’t dealt with the psychological impact of the past.
*There is a fine line between populism and sincere contributions.In our current politics,it’s difficult distinguish between the two.
*To question a person’s integrity without valid reason well be a reflection of your own integrity.-Nelson
*Madiba lived by a moral compass.
*We are humans that make mistakes.while dealing with this ,you must now move forward and not allow your personal circumstances to overshadow the good that you have achieved and can bring to the world.~Madiba
*we have incredibly fragile egos.
*Madiba was intolerant of dishonesty.
*We play judge and jury over people who err and prevent them from learning from the mistakes because we discard them like used paper.
*I should never underestimate the big importance of small acts.
*No one can be reduced to only the sum of their worst mistakes or their best achievements.-Madiba
*We create a society in which people are too afraid to make mistakes because they fear being cancelled.
*Madiba understood his power but more importantly he understood when not to use it.
*Revenge becomes a self inflicted wounds.
*once you set your boundaries,they start disliking you.
*it is not my duty to teach people lessons by confronting every situation I come across.
*Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison while hoping your enemy would die.
*It is not the mistakes that defines you but how you learn from it.
*We listen to respond ,not to comprehend,so we don’t truly hear each other.
*people either read what you didn’t say or made assumptions about what you did say .It’s a recipe for disaster .
*As much as we need to address unconscious bias , we also need to address unconscious privilege .
*There is always the possibility that things will get better.
*History has made us what we are .But we don’t have to be bound by history-we can also decide to make our own destinations.
*Abuse thrives in silence.
*We automatically slip into patterns of thinking.
*No people are only what you see about them on TV.
*firm hand was needed when it was clear that some parties were delaying the conclusion of a peace deal .
*A good leader knows when it’s time to force someone,s hand .
*you simply don’t negotiate if you are not willing to compromise,because that is the nature of negotiation.
*In politics,the truth is never freely available.
*Actions have consequences.
*Whenever Madiba met a particular cultural group in south Africa,he made sure that a staff member from the same cultural group was present.It adds a layer of confidence and a sense of belonging.
*people don’t buy into change or solution if they don’t see themselves represented.
*Madiba lived by principle.
*No job was ever too big or too small for me and I was always happy to help.
*Exposure was critical to change.
*never force people to change or the change would not be authentic.
*We all have rules within our social structures.
*Change becomes more challenging as you grow older.
*when It comes to value based leadership,the world should know what you stand for.
*once you destroy an enemy,there will always be a new one .
*No one is completely and wholly loved by all.
*Every choice we make becomes part of the goal we want to attain.
*With digital advertising,you are fed what you are interested in.
*If you constantly listen to negativity,it becomes contagious.
*consuming social media is not reading.
*You were never confused about what he stood for. He didn’t say one thing and do another.
*The learning gets lost in the trauma.
*when you are aware of your own emotions and habitual reactions ,you can manage them better in challenging situations.
*women are expected to be strong but not too strong because then you are perceived to be arrogant.
*people learn to hate.
*when you lose control of your emotions,you give away your power.
*Respect should be given from a place of strength not weakness.
*He famously said that he hoped our choices would always reflect our hopes not our fears.
September 24, 2024
What makes this book truly special is La Grange's candid portrayal of Mandela's complexities. She doesn't shy away from his flaws or difficult decisions, but rather presents him as a multifaceted and ultimately inspiring figure. She also emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation, both on a personal and national level.
"What Nelson Mandela Taught Me" is a must-read for anyone interested in Mandela's life and legacy, as well as those seeking inspiration on leadership and overcoming adversity. La Grange's eloquent prose and personal insights make this book an unforgettable read.
"What Nelson Mandela Taught Me" is a must-read for anyone interested in Mandela's life and legacy, as well as those seeking inspiration on leadership and overcoming adversity. La Grange's eloquent prose and personal insights make this book an unforgettable read.
May 12, 2025
Not great
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