Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Love Beyond Monogamy

Rate this book
Integrating your spirituality and sexuality can be daunting - these parts of life can feel very separate, even contradictory. Activist, educator and relationship coach Brian G. Murphy is here to change that.

Exploring the spiritual roots of polyamory and drawing on his own personal perspectives, Brian guides you through essential spiritual and relational notions including love, ritual, commitment and vulnerability to show how the practices of queerness, polyamory, and faith can complement and sustain each other.

Whether you practice non-monogamy or simply want to broaden your understanding of love, this empowering book will break open your assumptions and encourage you to consider the expansive possibilities for (re)structuring your relationships and faith. From advice on healing from spiritual shame, reframing underlying cultural myths, dealing with loss and shame, understanding commitment and faithfulness, and creating meaningful traditions and rituals, this is the perfect companion for connecting with your true values and carving out your own path.

208 pages, Paperback

Published September 18, 2025

7 people are currently reading
1505 people want to read

About the author

Brian G. Murphy

2 books15 followers
Brian G. Murphy is an organizer, author, and certified relationship coach. Brian is the co-founder of QueerTheology.com, a resource hub, podcast, and online community, which explores how queerness and spirituality enrich one another, and also founded Relationshift, a relationship coaching practice helping LGBTQ+ and polyamorous people build thriving relationships on their own terms. He is a sought-after speaker at colleges, churches, and conferences across the country and his work has been featured in Vice, BuzzFeed, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, Upworthy, and NBC News.

Brian has two books coming soon:
Love Beyond Monogamy, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, will release September 18, 2025. Reading The Bible Through Queer Eyes, co-authored with Shannon TL Kearns, published by HarperOne, will release in spring 2026.

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
10 (62%)
4 stars
4 (25%)
3 stars
1 (6%)
2 stars
1 (6%)
1 star
0 (0%)
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
Profile Image for Sarah Jensen.
2,090 reviews177 followers
May 25, 2025
Book Review: Love Beyond Monogamy: How Polyamory Can Enrich Your Spirituality, Faith, and Relationships by Brian G. Murphy

Brian G. Murphy’s Love Beyond Monogamy offers a transformative perspective on polyamory as a spiritually fulfilling and ethically grounded practice. Blending theological insight with personal narrative, Murphy challenges conventional notions of love and commitment, presenting non-monogamy as a path to deeper connection—with others, the self, and the divine. This work stands at the intersection of progressive spirituality and relational ethics, making it a vital contribution to contemporary discussions on intimacy and faith.

Key Themes & Contributions

Sacred Non-Monogamy
Murphy reframes polyamory as a spiritually aligned practice, drawing parallels between ethical non-monogamy and principles of compassion, honesty, and communal care found in many faith traditions. His approach demystifies polyamory for spiritual seekers, emphasizing its potential to foster growth and transcendence.

Critique of Monogamous Norms
The book interrogates societal assumptions about monogamy as the only “moral” relationship structure, arguing that rigid norms often perpetuate possessiveness and isolation. Murphy advocates for relational models rooted in intentionality rather than tradition.

Integration of Personal and Political
Beyond individual relationships, Murphy positions polyamory as part of broader movements for autonomy and liberation. His writing resonates with those seeking to align their intimate lives with values of equity and self-determination.

Strengths & Considerations

Pros:
Nuanced and Accessible: Murphy balances scholarly rigor with relatable storytelling, making complex ideas approachable.
Interdisciplinary Appeal: The book bridges theology, psychology, and social justice, offering insights for diverse readers.

Cons:
Potential Bias: Those deeply rooted in traditional religious frameworks may require additional context to engage with Murphy’s progressive stance.

How would I describe this book?
- A revelation for the spiritually curious—polyamory as a gateway to sacred connection.
- Murphy’s work is to love what The Ethical Slut is to sex—a paradigm-shifting classic.
- For anyone who’s wondered if there’s a deeper way to love: this book is your answer.

Acknowledgments
Thank you to the publisher for the advance review copy. Love Beyond Monogamy is a courageous and necessary work that expands the horizons of love, faith, and human potential.

Final Rating: ★★★★☆ (4.5/5)
Recommended for: Spiritual seekers, relationship coaches, therapists, and anyone exploring alternative models of commitment.

Companion Reads: The Ethical Slut for practical foundations; Queer Theology for broader theological context.

Note: Murphy’s unique background as a theologian and relationship advocate lends authenticity to this exploration. A must-read for reimagining love in the 21st century.
1 review
September 14, 2025
What made this book special was how it empowered me to question my own expectations and assumptions about love, commitment, and relationships. Brian G. Murphy beautifully weaves perspectives from various faith traditions and lessons from non-monogamy. His vulnerability in sharing stories is a gift that makes this book welcoming and approachable for all people. We can all learn something about ourselves and how we build relationships with others from this book.
Profile Image for Elliot Vos.
29 reviews
August 25, 2025
Love Beyond Monogamy was insightful and enjoyable from beginning to end! Each chapter offers fresh wisdom as Brian applies best practices and traditions from both the worlds of polyamory/non-monogamy and religion (drawing from multiple faiths) to each other and to life in general.

This book is for anyone who has ever intersected with either of these worlds and wants to learn more about the love and fulfillment their inhabitants enjoy. It’s for those who practice /both/ non-monogamy and religion and seek to deepen their experience of each. And it’s for anyone with an open mind and open heart, eager to love and relate more fully to those around them.

This is NOT a primer on polyamory or religion, nor is it a defense of either. It is sex-positive, non-judgmental, and as inclusive as can be—within the scope of one author’s perspective.

Many a pearl will be clutched, but it’s difficult to refute the connections and corollaries Brian draws between the sexual and the sacred. There’s much to gain from pausing to apply aspects of one to the other, in both directions. This theme persists throughout the book as Brian explores topics of what is sacred, love, consent, commitment, ritual, loss, hospitality, and more.

Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for the advance review copy I received so that I could write this review.
1 review
July 30, 2025
Even though I’m not pursuing polyamory, Love Beyond Monogamy was profoundly impactful. As someone exploring an open relationship and rediscovering spirituality after a Catholic upbringing, I found this book to be both a guide and a spiritual awakening. Brian writes with a rare vulnerability, inviting us into his life and desires with such intimacy that makes the book’s insights even more powerful. He doesn’t just tell us about queer love, he lets us feel it.

The book reframes queerness, intimacy, and desire as sacred, offering tools for honest connection while honoring the erotic as a site of transformation. It doesn’t just explore queer intimacy, it sanctifies it. It’s about the spaces and acts that mainstream culture might never understand, and how, in those spaces, we find God in each other.

One section, early on, describing the act of receiving cum as communion—stopped me in my tracks. It’s provocative, yes, but also profoundly moving, capturing the heart of the book’s message: that queer intimacy can be a ritual, a moment where flesh and spirit meet. In those lines, I felt the book’s core most strongly: how sex, stripped of shame, can transform into prayer.

I was surprised, too, by the quiet arousal that surfaced as I read through some parts of the book. Love Beyond Monogamy doesn’t shy away from eroticism; it invites us to see pleasure itself as a spiritual act, to honor the ways intimacy and desire can nourish the soul as much as the body.

This isn’t just a book about relationships. It is an invitation to see our queer lives as holy, our pleasure as sacred and meaningful, and our love as boundless. For those who are spiritually curious, navigating openness, or simply longing to see queer love and sex honored without shame, Love Beyond Monogamy is illuminating, intimate, and unforgettable. Well done.
267 reviews28 followers
June 16, 2025
This was very good! This is a helpful book for monogamists and non-monogamists of faith. I read this because I've listened to the Queer Theology podcast and was curious about this perspective.

This author was raised Christian and is now Jewish, and he mentions other religions but mainly talks from a Jewish perspective and spiritual practice. Most readers will probably be Christian or Jewish.

The temptation is to compare this to the existing mainstays of Ethical Slut and Polywise. This book is not that. This is not an explainer on polyamory or how to have a poly relationship, but to instead bring aspects of polyamory into spiritual practice, aspects of polyamory into monogamous relationships, and aspects of spirituality into polyamory.

My favorite bookmarks:
- Chapter 3- pointing out that when discussing God, we need to define what we mean; and that we need a diversity of voices to understand God
- Chapter 7- just like the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord is helpful for defining what we want in a relationship with a person, doing a DTR to define what we want our relationship with God to look like is helpful
- Chapter 12- a prayer of praise for the relationships and breakups that shaped us

Some readers will appreciate the questions and expansions that they can bring to their relationships. Some will appreciate the parts that talk about God. For me, as I'm healing from religious trauma/breaks and unsure what to do now, I most appreciated the parts that suggested a new, gentler way to approach God.

Thanks to Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the ARC.
Profile Image for Richard Walsh.
1 review
September 10, 2025
Brian G. Murphy’s Love Beyond Monogamy hit me in a way few books do. It’s rare to find something that speaks to both the heart and the soul, bringing together polyamory and spirituality without making either feel like an afterthought. For me, someone who has walked both paths of spiritual awakening and non-monogamous relationships, it felt less like reading a book and more like being seen.

Murphy has a gift for making complex ideas approachable while keeping them real. He moves easily between thoughtful frameworks and raw personal stories. I read most of it on a long flight, completely pulled in, and caught myself almost waking my partner just to share a passage that felt like it was written about us. His story about the accidental “I love you” moment mirrored my own experience with startling accuracy.

What I appreciate most is how Murphy doesn’t treat spirituality and polyamory as separate or competing worlds. He shows how they can support each other, creating deeper connection, honesty, and wholeness. That felt deeply validating. His writing on community also stood out to me. Both love and spiritual practice grow stronger when they are rooted in relationships with others, and he names that truth with clarity and care.

Some of the polyamory concepts may feel familiar if you’ve been around this space for a while, but the spiritual layer he adds makes it fresh and worthwhile. For those newer to either polyamory or spiritual practice, this book is welcoming, gentle, and full of practical wisdom.

Love Beyond Monogamy is more than a guide. It feels like an invitation to be honest, to be brave, and to let love and spirit shape you in ways that are authentic and lasting. It’s one I’ll recommend to friends and return to myself.
Profile Image for Lina L.
3 reviews1 follower
September 3, 2025
I've followed Brian Murphy and QueerTheology.com for a long time, and this book about polyamory and spirituality is very needed in the world. Even though I'm not poly myself, I learned a lot about what polyamory and my polyamorous friends have to offer my faith and my life. Murphy offers theological explorations of polyamory, particularly within Jewish and Christian traditions. The book also contains tips for those exploring polyamory, to build stronger relationships with both people and one's God(s).

While I truly enjoyed reading the book, I just can't give it five stars no matter how much I'd like to. The book's structure is a little messy at times, and occasionally the book becomes too wordy, which makes it hard to follow and really understand what I'm supposed to get out of each part or chapter. The book sometimes wants to do too much and could've benefited from a bit more focus. However, it gets better in the latter chapters -- and in the end I really did find I had learned a whole lot.

I'm excited to share this book with my religious poly friends who are struggling to make sense of their faith and their sexuality. This will definitely be a handbook to understand the sacredness of non-monogamous life. It's a gift to the world Love Beyond Monogamy has arrived.
Profile Image for Kayleigh.
665 reviews7 followers
September 6, 2025
In Love Beyond Monogamy, Brian G. Murphy offers his perspective on polyamory as a spiritually fulfilling and ethically grounded practice. There was a TON of theology perspectives and insights and while I found a lot of it interesting, I think at times it got a bit convoluted in the message of the book.
Love Beyond Monogamy takes on queerness, intimacy, and desire as a sacred ritual, in how connection at that level can be a sort of prayer.
All in all, some of the book really hit and made me take a step back but a lot of it was lost in the ongoing theological references. Some of that could be based on formatting of the ARC.

This will be published 18 September 2025 and I received an advanced copy from Netgalley in exchange for my review.
7 reviews
September 10, 2025
Beautiful look on love and possibility. In Love Beyond Monogamy the author shows us an intimate way to navigate relationships and spirituality. Brian Murphy is real and raw, sharing personal stories that resonate. A must read for anyone interested in ethical non-monogamy and lots of learnings for everyone regardless of relationship status.
Profile Image for Gary Conachan III.
73 reviews3 followers
December 1, 2025
It is rare to find voices speaking to both faith and sexuality, but Brian Murphy has been creating such content for years at QueerTheology.com. His debut book draws parallels between non-monogamy and spirituality, offering insights and approaches anyone - regardless of relationship structure or style - can glean from. This is a must read for any and all who want to love with their whole heart and intentionality.
Profile Image for River riveeden Styx.
21 reviews
September 15, 2025
While this book is designed for people who have some understanding about polyamory, don’t let it scare you away if you're a monogamist! Everyone can use tools to deepen and strengthen their interpersonal and religious or spiritual relationships. The concepts that are familial to folks already practicing nonmonogamy do get explained for those who aren’t.

I did not expect to enjoy this book so much nor for how much it spoke to me. As a queer, polyamorous person who is navigating what faith, spirituality, and religion mean to me after being raised Catholic then converting to Judaism as an adult, Love Beyond Monogamy was so spot on for me. I spend time in queer, Jewish circles but polyamory is still taboo in liberal Jewish spaces- or at least not talked about so finding a book where it is woven into the fabric of my religion is incredibly refreshing.

While this book focuses on Christianity and Judaism there are other religious and spiritual practices brought in. It’s appreciated that the author, Brian G. Murphy, includes other practices but focuses on those that he is most familiar with.

The suggestions of how to use polyamory relationship tools in religious and spiritual contexts are going to be incredibly helpful for me long term. It’s hard to evaluate your relationship with someone or something without some guide posts along the way and I had never thought of blending polyamory into how I assess religion for myself. There are many highlighted tools, suggestions, and exercises that I plan to come back to again and again.

Thank you to Netgalley for an ARC copy in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Karla Lott.
31 reviews
August 22, 2025
This was a phenomenal read! Brian tells his story of finding inspiration for his spirituality, faith, and relationships through his queer and polyamorous experiences. However, this book extends beyond a memoir by offering insights into the related experiences of his family, friends, co-workers, clients, and others, as well as offering relevant and practical advice for polyamorous people interested in enriching their spirituality and other aspects of their lives. Furthermore, this book offers helpful advice and education to anyone wanting to learn more about polyamorous experiences or how to better support the polyamorous people in their lives.

My favorite aspects of the book include:
- Providing examples and stories related to multiple ways of doing polyamory, as well as the ways multiple religious and spiritual paths can be connected to and enriched by polyamory.
- The relevant and practical advice for polyamorous people and others interested in this subject.
- The refusal to get engage in theological or ethical debate about the "rightness" or "goodness" of polyamory, and instead entering into the book with a base assumption that there is nothing inherently wrong with polyamory.
- An expansive viewpoint on what polyamory entails beyond romance, considering the different ways one-night stands, casual sexual relationships, and platonic friendships may also be polyamorous or "poly-like" in nature.

Overall, I loved reading this and will be recommending it to many people in my life!
Profile Image for Kaisbooknook.
121 reviews4 followers
October 21, 2025
This is a great educational read about the fluidity of love and spirituality, and breaks down many beliefs towards both monogamous and non-manogamous relationships, as well as religious beliefs and spiritual practices. It is written in an incredibly open minded and intentional way, and even if you are not looking for any particular relationship advice or spiritual advice, it is a very interesting read that I would recommend.

A huge thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and Netgalley for this ARC!
Profile Image for Jason Roberts.
29 reviews
October 17, 2025
I was curious about the concepts presented in this book. While the author lays out their perspective on relationships, I ultimately wasn't convinced by the central premise. I found myself struggling to connect with the core arguments and the philosophy behind them. While this book might be insightful for those already exploring this lifestyle, it didn't resonate with me or offer a persuasive case for its ideas.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.