Previously published as Lights, Camera, Healing by Rosentvaig, Miriam
MANON I fell in love with one of my best friends' sister in what feels like a different life. Because in this one, all I want is for the lights to turn off, and for the world to exist without me. I'm tired of performing the rituals my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder comes up with. I'm tired of my panic attacks caused by my General Anxiety Disorder. And only my Chronic Depression can really understand how tired I am. I'm a successful actor for the world, but deep inside I still am the little Romani boy who wanted peace and love, only to get chores and vitriol instead. I'm tired and therapy works, but not fast enough. I'm tired of loving a woman who only fed me the illusion of a relationship. I'm tired. Yet somehow the girl with the nightsky in her hair makes me feel like I just woke up.
MAOUI I wish I could remember how to love, but since my father died I forgot everything about that feeling. All I know is the hate that leads my brother to make me do more horrible things than I could have ever imagined. I want to run, but I don't know where. I want to hide, but there's no place my brother wouldn't find me. And now I'm just tired. I'm tired of being a beggar during the day and an object during the night. I'm tired of not having what to eat or drink. I'm tired and all I want to do is sleep. I don't really care if I ever wake up. There's no reason to do it anyway. No reason except the man with the brown skin filled with tattoos and who looks at me like he sees everything about me. No reason except him.