I was delighted to receive this book as a gift from the author. Like Helen Moat, I am a sufferer of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and ‘I dread the coming of winter every single year’. Short, gloomy days, if I have to endure them, have me curling up inside thermal layers under blankets, whirlpooling into the depths of a mix of apathy and anxiety, unable to function properly. But I am usually lucky enough to be able to escape. Moat is determined to overcome her condition, not, as I do, by taking flight like the swallows, heading south, but by tackling the problem head on. She takes us with her on her quest over three winter seasons, during which she works on embracing the inevitable, learning precious lessons along the way from nature, and from distant northern cultures.
During the first winter, hemmed in by Covid restrictions, she studies the Japanese art of forest bathing, and transposes it to the Peak District where she lives…and it works for her: ‘I circled round, cradled by the conifers, the core strength of their trunks so rooted to the earth, rooting me.’
She pushes herself to head out into the countryside, and finds comfort in looking outwards rather than inwards, observing the details of her surroundings: ‘But the buzzards pulled me into the present…Gliding, diving. Gliding, circling. And in that moment, the buzzards and I were in harmony.
Through long, dark, winter months, we accompany her on night walks in her immediate, locked down neighborhood: ‘The night wrapped a blanket around the pines; around us. Shapes became blurry. The blackened land merged with the sky…I was growing to love the dark.’
But Moat admits with honesty that the lows cannot be completely erased. ‘There were days when lacklustre skies bore down too heavily, the light too mean.’ Repeated lockdowns are hard to take. ‘The Earth shrank again. My motivation was as low as the winter light.’
In the second winter, the winter of ‘widening horizons’, one of her trips takes her to the seaside in Pembrokeshire, after which she is ‘grateful for the energy of the ocean…grateful for the winds and rains. Grateful for the wild seas and winter greys.’
And later that winter, her horizons stretch further. In Lapland we live the power of silence with her as she ‘…was stripped bare…Slowly, I tuned into the river landscape … I let go of my anxiety, stepped out of my head and into the otherworldliness of the Arctic.’
It is this stepping out, this learning from the experts, that helps her find comfort. She writes of the Lappish Finns: ‘They embraced the polar night. They embraced their part in nature’s eco-chain…I needed to embrace my very British version of winter.
Moat’s third winter takes us to Japan, where she experiences the Japanese cultural philosophy of harmony first-hand. With delicate brushstrokes, she describes the rice farmers’ preparations to protect their fields from the elements: ‘…here on the cusp of winter, they were hunkering down. All things in harmony.’
Not only does Moat gradually come to terms with the darkness of the soul that comes with winters: she finishes her three-year journey by moving even further north, to Fife in Scotland. It is what she fundamentally desires: ‘I wanted to inhabit the darkness of windswept days, where the light is constantly at play. Yes, without darkness, we cannot appreciate the light. Without shortened days, we cannot appreciate long summer evenings…I would continue to learn to love the dark.’
Moat’s tone is meditative, gentle, in places emotional, with touches of humour. Her mix of personal reflection, perceptive and detailed nature descriptions, and observations on the fragility of our environment work well. She comes across as open and honest, unafraid to face inner anxieties and outside hardship.
Her book encourages us as readers to slow down, hold our breath as does the world, live in the moment, and search outside ourselves for small joys. Precious advice (though I think I may continue using the ‘Head South’ method while I can!).