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Gay the Pray Away
Valerie Danners is in a cult. She just doesn't know it yet. When she finds a queer book at the library and smuggles it home, her conservative Christian homeschooling world begins to crack. And when the cutest girl she's ever met shows up to Bible class, she starts to question everything.Riley is so confident and kind, and she and Valerie bond quickly over existing as multiracial teens in a very white Christian community. As Valerie explores her feelings for Riley, she begins to see that the world she knows is a carefully crafted narrative.
Publicly, the girls are close friends--holding hands in prayer, rooming together at a conference. Privately, they grasp at any chance to continue their forbidden romance--until they are found out. Now Valerie must choose between staying with a family she fears will never accept her, or running away with the girl she loves.
Publicly, the girls are close friends--holding hands in prayer, rooming together at a conference. Privately, they grasp at any chance to continue their forbidden romance--until they are found out. Now Valerie must choose between staying with a family she fears will never accept her, or running away with the girl she loves.
256 pages, Paperback
First published June 4, 2024
74 people are currently reading
6671 people want to read
About the author
Natalie Naudus
285 books320 followers“A fave among audiobook listeners” (Buzzfeed), Natalie Naudus is one of the most beloved audiobook narrators working today. She has won an Audie award and nine Earphones awards, and maintains a robust social media following. She lives with her family on a mountain in Virginia. Gay the Pray Away is her debut novel.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 729 reviews
September 10, 2025
DNF @43%
THAT KISS WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO ... COLD. I've seen more warmth in a handshake.
THAT KISS WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO ... COLD. I've seen more warmth in a handshake.
April 4, 2024
4.25/5
To everyone who was served hatred and told it was love. We deserve better.
I've adored Natalie Naudus's audiobook performances for such a long time, she is the narrator for sapphic audiobooks! I was so excited to find out that she was releasing her own sapphic debut and I'm so happy that I get to tell you all about how incredible it is. Thank you to the author for an arc.
We follow Valerie as she struggles to navigate the lessons she has always been taught about God. These have been told to her in the shape of truths, as mindless lessons she must obey, but Val is beginning to doubt. And when one pillar falls, the whole building starts to crumble. As she begins to unravel the narrative that her conservative Christian world has taught her for so long, she meets someone who confirms the seedlings of doubt in her mind. She meets Riley and suddenly the world starts to make sense.
This is such a beautiful story that is so incredibly important. I know it will help so many queer teens and heal so many queer adults looking back. It's a vibrant story of hope and freedom caught in the shackles of a dark and gloomy world. It shows an endless bravery every step of the way, it shows the courage of survival and the furious fight for freedom. And it shows what love is, what love can be.
Love is not what Val has always been taught it is, it is not empty words disproven by hateful actions, it is not conditional. Slowly, Val discovers who she is and what she can be, and with Riley she discovers what love is and what they can be together. How could what they have ever be wrong? Love, she comes to realise, is boundless and beautiful and proven in every action. It is not earned, it is not built on the bones she must crack to fit into the exact shape they want her to be, it is not dependent on whether she does what she is told. Love is its own type of freedom.
I love the thought that there is a place for us, somehow, somewhere.
I loved how cleverly Naudus explored the different stages of belief, or the different stages of doubt, that the characters had. It was sometimes hard to read the ferocity with which many of the characters believed in the harmful ideologies that only isolated and hurt others (and sometimes hurt themselves as well). But it was written with great nuance and an intimately painful understanding. We are shown every prejudiced belief within these circles, some that are explicit and others that are woven in a more complicated manner. We witness the ignorant racism, the casual and accepted misogyny, the scandalous outrage of homophobia, and we see how standard these factors are in the daily lives of our characters. It's heartbreaking and infuriating, but is written spectacularly well.
It can be a difficult book to read at times, so do make sure you are comfortable with the content in this book (especially if you have any religious trauma), but it is not a book that sits in the darkness, it is fundamentally a book of hope. And if you feel you can, I implore you to read it as I think it will be astoundingly healing. I'm beyond happy that this book is out there (or, will be out soon on the 4th of June!) to inspire and to comfort. It is such an important story and I'm so glad it exists!
To everyone who was served hatred and told it was love. We deserve better.
I've adored Natalie Naudus's audiobook performances for such a long time, she is the narrator for sapphic audiobooks! I was so excited to find out that she was releasing her own sapphic debut and I'm so happy that I get to tell you all about how incredible it is. Thank you to the author for an arc.
We follow Valerie as she struggles to navigate the lessons she has always been taught about God. These have been told to her in the shape of truths, as mindless lessons she must obey, but Val is beginning to doubt. And when one pillar falls, the whole building starts to crumble. As she begins to unravel the narrative that her conservative Christian world has taught her for so long, she meets someone who confirms the seedlings of doubt in her mind. She meets Riley and suddenly the world starts to make sense.
This is such a beautiful story that is so incredibly important. I know it will help so many queer teens and heal so many queer adults looking back. It's a vibrant story of hope and freedom caught in the shackles of a dark and gloomy world. It shows an endless bravery every step of the way, it shows the courage of survival and the furious fight for freedom. And it shows what love is, what love can be.
Love is not what Val has always been taught it is, it is not empty words disproven by hateful actions, it is not conditional. Slowly, Val discovers who she is and what she can be, and with Riley she discovers what love is and what they can be together. How could what they have ever be wrong? Love, she comes to realise, is boundless and beautiful and proven in every action. It is not earned, it is not built on the bones she must crack to fit into the exact shape they want her to be, it is not dependent on whether she does what she is told. Love is its own type of freedom.
I love the thought that there is a place for us, somehow, somewhere.
I loved how cleverly Naudus explored the different stages of belief, or the different stages of doubt, that the characters had. It was sometimes hard to read the ferocity with which many of the characters believed in the harmful ideologies that only isolated and hurt others (and sometimes hurt themselves as well). But it was written with great nuance and an intimately painful understanding. We are shown every prejudiced belief within these circles, some that are explicit and others that are woven in a more complicated manner. We witness the ignorant racism, the casual and accepted misogyny, the scandalous outrage of homophobia, and we see how standard these factors are in the daily lives of our characters. It's heartbreaking and infuriating, but is written spectacularly well.
It can be a difficult book to read at times, so do make sure you are comfortable with the content in this book (especially if you have any religious trauma), but it is not a book that sits in the darkness, it is fundamentally a book of hope. And if you feel you can, I implore you to read it as I think it will be astoundingly healing. I'm beyond happy that this book is out there (or, will be out soon on the 4th of June!) to inspire and to comfort. It is such an important story and I'm so glad it exists!
![Profile Image for laurel [the suspected bibliophile].](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.gr-assets.com%2Fimages%2FS%2Fcompressed.photo.goodreads.com%2Fusers%2F1645808644i%2F7494844._UX200_CR0%2C6%2C200%2C200_.jpg&w=128&q=75)
July 2, 2024
Dear Natalie Naudus,
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU MAKE ME CRY MY OWN TEARS.
This was beautiful.
Thank you for writing this lovely book.
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU MAKE ME CRY MY OWN TEARS.
This was beautiful.
Thank you for writing this lovely book.
June 24, 2024
Books change lives. Just like education, they open doors, they bring awareness, they expand horizons. That’s what makes them seem so dangerous to those who would rather keep the masses on the straight and narrow. The amount of people fooled by fake news and AI pictures, many of whom don’t actually mind that they’re lied to, the renewed attacks on queer—especially trans—and women’s rights, the unabashed racism and antisemitism constantly resurfacing, all of that is a testament to how easy it is to manipulate and brainwash when your target doesn’t know better and has no easily accessible way to know better.
In Gay the Pray Away, narrator Natalie Naudus’s debut novel, the book that makes seventeen years old Valerie realise nothing is wrong with her—but a lot is wrong with her upbringing—is One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston. A book that, in real life, Natalie Naudus narrated beautifully (despite Valerie’s love interest, Riley, offhandedly stating that “The narrator is alright”). In an interview published on the Audible blog, Naudus explains: “One Last Stop was actually a book that made me come out come out, because I had been narrating a lot of indie queer fiction. And I really wanted to narrate One Last Stop when I saw it announced, and that was the first time that I emailed someone, and I emailed a producer at Macmillan and said, “Hey, I am bisexual. I’m Asian American. Can I please audition? I think this book might be perfect for me.” But that I came out because I wanted to narrate that book. So that was really special for me.”
Valerie is also bisexual and Asian American, and these aren’t the only things Naudus shares with her main character. She too grew up in a cult. While Valerie’s experience is very unlike hers, “the setting and the cult are very much lifted straight from [her] childhood”. Every time I felt like something Valerie’s parents or friends said or did was implausibly exaggerated, I reminded myself that the author knows exactly what she’s talking about.
Natalie Naudus is one of the most popular narrators of sapphic fiction and for good reason. She’s excellent, and she’s also very fun and interesting to follow on social media. And now she’s also an author. You know that feeling when one of your friends releases a book, or invites you to their show, and you hope extremely hard that you’ll like it because it’ll be awfully awkward if you don’t? I’m not friends with Natalie Naudus, but I had that same fervent hope that I’d enjoy her debut. And you know what? I did! Very much so. By choosing to make it YA and writing it in first person, Naudus allows Valerie to embrace her initial naivete, in a way that confers considerable weight and power upon her journey to find herself, to find Riley, to find love and freedom and the whole wide world.
Not only is Valerie’s story told with sensitivity and tenderness, the narration is perfect. That was expected, but still, you can’t predict for sure whether the emotion of reading one’s own book is going to get in the way. Natalie Naudus, however, avoids all the traps. Just an example of how good it is: Riley yawning had me yawning too. It might sound trivial, but it shows how immersive and real the narration is. 4.5⭐️
I received a copy from the author and I am voluntarily leaving a review.
Read all my reviews on my website (and please get your books from the affiliation links!): Jude in the Stars
May 24, 2025
3.5 stars.
While this was a best-case scenario type of story (I wanted something with a lot more conflict, both internal and external), I still enjoyed reading it.
The romance was really cute, and I was rooting for Val and Riley the entire time. I really liked that their relationship was shown positively, and that they were both accepting and understanding of each other's situations. Riley was such a great foil to Val, and I loved how she brought Val out of her shell.
I loved that this story sent a very hopeful message, and I hope that it brings comfort to younger readers in similar situations.
I won't lie though, I was expecting a more emotional deep dive, with a lot more of the nitty gritty and the ugly side of things when it comes to growing up in a close-minded community. This felt like it was for the younger YA set, since it only hinted at the darker issues within religious cults. Any time the book mentioned something extreme, like child abuse or sexual misconduct, it felt really blunted.
And I really hate to say this, but a lot of it read like it was written from an outsider's perspective. I honestly wasn't sure why or how Val was so easily accepting of her queer identity. I was expecting more guilt and shame, and not to mention, a lot more self-introspection on her feelings, thoughts, and actions.
And while it was cool that Val did a lot of research at the library on topics like queerness and the patriarchy, it didn't feel realistic that she just accepted what she read without questioning it.
I'm not sure if this makes sense, but Val as a character felt really detached from her surroundings most of the time. Like she was living in a religious cult, but her personal values were already so different that I wasn't even sure how she was faking it, or how she didn't really do a deep dive into her old values vs. her new values. I wanted a character I could relate to, since I also had a similar journey when I was young. But this wasn't really it.
Despite my complaints, this was still a cute romance novel, and I enjoyed its hopeful theme.
Thank you to Quirk Books and NetGalley for this arc.
While this was a best-case scenario type of story (I wanted something with a lot more conflict, both internal and external), I still enjoyed reading it.
The romance was really cute, and I was rooting for Val and Riley the entire time. I really liked that their relationship was shown positively, and that they were both accepting and understanding of each other's situations. Riley was such a great foil to Val, and I loved how she brought Val out of her shell.
I loved that this story sent a very hopeful message, and I hope that it brings comfort to younger readers in similar situations.
I won't lie though, I was expecting a more emotional deep dive, with a lot more of the nitty gritty and the ugly side of things when it comes to growing up in a close-minded community. This felt like it was for the younger YA set, since it only hinted at the darker issues within religious cults. Any time the book mentioned something extreme, like child abuse or sexual misconduct, it felt really blunted.
And I really hate to say this, but a lot of it read like it was written from an outsider's perspective. I honestly wasn't sure why or how Val was so easily accepting of her queer identity. I was expecting more guilt and shame, and not to mention, a lot more self-introspection on her feelings, thoughts, and actions.
And while it was cool that Val did a lot of research at the library on topics like queerness and the patriarchy, it didn't feel realistic that she just accepted what she read without questioning it.
I'm not sure if this makes sense, but Val as a character felt really detached from her surroundings most of the time. Like she was living in a religious cult, but her personal values were already so different that I wasn't even sure how she was faking it, or how she didn't really do a deep dive into her old values vs. her new values. I wanted a character I could relate to, since I also had a similar journey when I was young. But this wasn't really it.
Despite my complaints, this was still a cute romance novel, and I enjoyed its hopeful theme.
Thank you to Quirk Books and NetGalley for this arc.
September 23, 2024
100% got to me emotionally. This was a cathartic read for sure. This actually made me feel lucky for my religious upbringing. While it was fairly strict, it was nothing like this.
June 13, 2024
It pains me to give this book such a low rating because I know it was very personal but truthfully, it's just not very well written. The whole beginning reads like an essay (which perhaps this should have been instead) and as it gets into the middle, it gets very unclear how much Valerie as a character knows about the outside world and what she's shielded from in a way that felt convenient in the moment but not constructive to a fleshed-out character. I know she does clandestine research in the library but there's a point where she just casually throws out words and phrases like "heteronormativity" and "child bride". It's unclear how much she's learning from the books she can read in secret because sometimes she seems completely cut off from the world and other times she's just tuned in enough to understand whatever the other characters need her to.
The writing itself really needed fleshing out, it's all very rote and conversational. I know that Natalie Naudus has a story to tell and I appreciate her wanting to tell it, but I don't think this was the format in which to do so. This may sound mean but not everyone needs to write romance novels! I feel like it's become the default medium through which to tell a story and it doesn't need to be. I was also horrified by the mention of the One Last Stop audiobook narrator being "alright"... NATALIE. DON'T DO THAT.
I was definitely moved by the ending scenes with Valerie's mom, that was definitely my favorite part of this. It's the perfect ending to an essay! Sorry to be on my soapbox.
The writing itself really needed fleshing out, it's all very rote and conversational. I know that Natalie Naudus has a story to tell and I appreciate her wanting to tell it, but I don't think this was the format in which to do so. This may sound mean but not everyone needs to write romance novels! I feel like it's become the default medium through which to tell a story and it doesn't need to be. I was also horrified by the mention of the One Last Stop audiobook narrator being "alright"... NATALIE. DON'T DO THAT.
I was definitely moved by the ending scenes with Valerie's mom, that was definitely my favorite part of this. It's the perfect ending to an essay! Sorry to be on my soapbox.
May 19, 2024
Content warnings: severe religious themes, religious trauma, mentions of child abuse (spanking), self-flagellation, vomit, racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia.
Rep: Valerie (MC) is Chinese-American, cis, and bisexual. Riley (LI) is cis, POC, and lesbian. Valerie's mum and brother are Chinese-American. One side queer character.
Ooooooooooh my heart!!
Okay, first up: LIBRARIANS ARE AMAZING AND DESERVE SO MUCH LOVE.
Second of all: y'all need to not tag this with lesbian. K, thanks.
Valerie, Valerie, Valerie. I wish I could hug you, sweet child.
I grew up sort of religious, but nothing this level. American Evangelism takes things to the next level. And I feel for this - it is abuse and no one deserves that.
The story was one of hope, one of finding yourself, and being true to yourself even when everyone else is trying to put you down, put you into a box, and make your life as miserable as possible. All in the name of "god".
Valerie's spirit never breaks, though, and this kid. This kid! She goes through so much. And it's only from reading - the power of books, I tell you! that she realises her life, the way she is treated, and how her life is planned out for her is wrong. It isn't what she wants, or what she deserves.
My heart did so many !! when queer books were referenced. I got a kick out of One Last Stop being referenced, especially as Natalie is the audiobook narrator, and Riley was listening to the book. Honestly, those parts made my heart happy. Queer books are so integral to life.
I am so glad that Valerie had Riley, and that they both got out.
I wish the same for everyone else forced into religious abuse like this.
The book itself handled everything so well, and I just want to reach into the internet and hug Natalie, Valerie, Riley, and every other kid in this book who needs it.
Rep: Valerie (MC) is Chinese-American, cis, and bisexual. Riley (LI) is cis, POC, and lesbian. Valerie's mum and brother are Chinese-American. One side queer character.
Ooooooooooh my heart!!
Okay, first up: LIBRARIANS ARE AMAZING AND DESERVE SO MUCH LOVE.
Second of all: y'all need to not tag this with lesbian. K, thanks.
Valerie, Valerie, Valerie. I wish I could hug you, sweet child.
I grew up sort of religious, but nothing this level. American Evangelism takes things to the next level. And I feel for this - it is abuse and no one deserves that.
The story was one of hope, one of finding yourself, and being true to yourself even when everyone else is trying to put you down, put you into a box, and make your life as miserable as possible. All in the name of "god".
Valerie's spirit never breaks, though, and this kid. This kid! She goes through so much. And it's only from reading - the power of books, I tell you! that she realises her life, the way she is treated, and how her life is planned out for her is wrong. It isn't what she wants, or what she deserves.
My heart did so many !! when queer books were referenced. I got a kick out of One Last Stop being referenced, especially as Natalie is the audiobook narrator, and Riley was listening to the book. Honestly, those parts made my heart happy. Queer books are so integral to life.
I am so glad that Valerie had Riley, and that they both got out.
I wish the same for everyone else forced into religious abuse like this.
The book itself handled everything so well, and I just want to reach into the internet and hug Natalie, Valerie, Riley, and every other kid in this book who needs it.
August 16, 2024
I am not mad that this book exists. And I understand this is personal for the author, so it saddens me to say that this was not good. It's also a personal topic for me, and some of the depicted commonalities of cults/sects were familiar to me (I'm not sure I can say relatable really but it definitely was interesting to see them). This is honestly the only reason I kept reading.
Sadly, as I've said, it's not a good book. It's not written well; it both drags and moves too quickly; it's very simplistic. Having experienced something similar (and not to generalize my own experience but), a) I did not believe how fast she deconstructs everything; b) being a woman, multiracial, queer does not make one prone to accepting and internalizing feminism, anti-racism, queerness/anti-heteronormativity as fast as she does; c) she has so few problematic thoughts and behaviors and her worldview feels already so progressive-liberal from the beginning of the book that it felt like the author was worried that readers wouldn't be able to humanize her and root for her otherwise; d) her family is at no point humanized so that her mom's reaction at the end comes out of left field (and she also has no musings at all about how her mom is clearly also stuck in a toxic/abusive dynamic with her dad and her religion, for example); e) physically surviving and escaping a lifetime of abuse and trauma does not mean you don't need to keep healing for years after that, and her being in a perfect relationship and gathering a perfect found family (in her own assertion) without any problematic behaviors or need for therapy/deconstruction/healing on her part felt very idealized and problematic to me.
If this book can help some young folks, I'd be very happy about it but I wish it was all handled better.
Sadly, as I've said, it's not a good book. It's not written well; it both drags and moves too quickly; it's very simplistic. Having experienced something similar (and not to generalize my own experience but), a) I did not believe how fast she deconstructs everything; b) being a woman, multiracial, queer does not make one prone to accepting and internalizing feminism, anti-racism, queerness/anti-heteronormativity as fast as she does; c) she has so few problematic thoughts and behaviors and her worldview feels already so progressive-liberal from the beginning of the book that it felt like the author was worried that readers wouldn't be able to humanize her and root for her otherwise; d) her family is at no point humanized so that her mom's reaction at the end comes out of left field (and she also has no musings at all about how her mom is clearly also stuck in a toxic/abusive dynamic with her dad and her religion, for example); e) physically surviving and escaping a lifetime of abuse and trauma does not mean you don't need to keep healing for years after that, and her being in a perfect relationship and gathering a perfect found family (in her own assertion) without any problematic behaviors or need for therapy/deconstruction/healing on her part felt very idealized and problematic to me.
If this book can help some young folks, I'd be very happy about it but I wish it was all handled better.
Read
June 23, 2025Solid, adorable, and a little too identifiable. 😅
Also, ‘the narrator’s okay’ made me cackle—IYKYK
Also, ‘the narrator’s okay’ made me cackle—IYKYK
July 6, 2025
Oh my god this was so difficult to read but so important. There was a lot in here that was triggering for me due to personal experiences. But books like these are important because you know you’re not alone!!
March 28, 2024
“My world until now has been a vacuum. A sterile, carefully curated sedative of rhetoric designed to keep me in line, too scared of God to ask questions. ”
“I’m not sure where God and I will end up... If I come back to God after all this and find that God is a kinder, more loving presence than the one I’ve known, great. And if God is more loving than I’ve been taught, then I think God would be okay with me needing some time to untangle this. I think God would want me to feel a shred of happiness. That is the impression I’m getting from all this prayer and meditation. And for once, I’m going to trust myself and my feelings.”
Natalie Naudus is far and away my favorite audiobook narrator, and I also enjoy her content on Instagram. When I saw she was writing a book that fictionally deconstructed the real trauma she experienced growing up, I immediately added the book to my “to read” list. I’ve read books and watched documentaries on similar real-life deconstructions from IBLP and IFB and the like, and this novel adds on the trauma of being queer in a community that outright forbids any identity falling outside of their strict, gender normative guidelines.
While the book was full of confusion, loneliness, anxiety, and traumatic abuse that comes with growing up in this type of environment, it also had so many tender moments of contemplation, vulnerability, and characters learning to accept and love themselves unapologetically.
We also see the importance of books and media that seek to portray people in all of their diversity; it is through literature that our protagonist starts to explore and understand her own identity. (And I loved the nod to a certain book that Naudus herself expertly narrated a few years back!)
Overall, this was a beautiful debut book with characters you just want to wrap up in a warm blanket and shower them with all the cozy and safe things. I can’t imagine it was easy writing a book as vulnerable as this one was, and I hope it comforts many readers.
Thank you so much to Natalie for the advanced copy!
“I’m not sure where God and I will end up... If I come back to God after all this and find that God is a kinder, more loving presence than the one I’ve known, great. And if God is more loving than I’ve been taught, then I think God would be okay with me needing some time to untangle this. I think God would want me to feel a shred of happiness. That is the impression I’m getting from all this prayer and meditation. And for once, I’m going to trust myself and my feelings.”
Natalie Naudus is far and away my favorite audiobook narrator, and I also enjoy her content on Instagram. When I saw she was writing a book that fictionally deconstructed the real trauma she experienced growing up, I immediately added the book to my “to read” list. I’ve read books and watched documentaries on similar real-life deconstructions from IBLP and IFB and the like, and this novel adds on the trauma of being queer in a community that outright forbids any identity falling outside of their strict, gender normative guidelines.
While the book was full of confusion, loneliness, anxiety, and traumatic abuse that comes with growing up in this type of environment, it also had so many tender moments of contemplation, vulnerability, and characters learning to accept and love themselves unapologetically.
We also see the importance of books and media that seek to portray people in all of their diversity; it is through literature that our protagonist starts to explore and understand her own identity. (And I loved the nod to a certain book that Naudus herself expertly narrated a few years back!)
Overall, this was a beautiful debut book with characters you just want to wrap up in a warm blanket and shower them with all the cozy and safe things. I can’t imagine it was easy writing a book as vulnerable as this one was, and I hope it comforts many readers.
Thank you so much to Natalie for the advanced copy!
September 26, 2024
Yes, I 100% picked this book up because of the title. I didn't even read the description. I just wanted to read a book that has this title.
But hey, bonus, there's a good story too. At seventeen, Valerie Danners, finally begins to realize that the biggest sin in her extremely religious household may not be the attraction she feels to other girls but rather the sexist and emotionally abusive way in which her fundamentalist parents are raising her. The plot unfolds in an unsurprising manner, but the author brings a lot of truth and depth to the questioning and awakening that Valerie experiences.
But hey, bonus, there's a good story too. At seventeen, Valerie Danners, finally begins to realize that the biggest sin in her extremely religious household may not be the attraction she feels to other girls but rather the sexist and emotionally abusive way in which her fundamentalist parents are raising her. The plot unfolds in an unsurprising manner, but the author brings a lot of truth and depth to the questioning and awakening that Valerie experiences.
October 19, 2024
Seventeen year old Valerie wishes she could pick up any book at the library without fear, wishes she could pick her own clothes, wishes she was allowed to hang out unsupervised with friends, watch movies, or just spend time on the internet. But her family is part of a very extreme Christian community which home schools their children, limits the media they are allowed to access, controls their movement, wardrobes, and social lives. Valerie is expected to join family Bible studies daily, volunteer at the Church, and marry a boy in the community shortly after her eighteenth birthday. She isn't excited about any of this- in fact, she spends much of her time daydreaming or bored nearly to tears- but what else can she do? Then she finds a queer book with a fairly nondescript cover at the library. And a new girl- a girl with short hair, a girl who wears jeans- joins the Church. Valerie is captivated. The new girl represents a window into freedom and Valerie wants as much of that freedom as she can hold. I have some critiques about how this book ended, but I'm also very aware that I am not part of its target audience. Hopefully this book will find its way into the hands of teens who need it.
August 16, 2025
Gay the Pray Away hit me right in the chest. As someone who also grew up queer in a religious cult (though of course, no one in my church would’ve ever called it that), so much of what Valerie felt, I remember feeling too as a teenager. That combination of confusion, fear, and longing - the slow, dawning realisation that there’s nothing wrong with you, but everything wrong with what you’ve been taught - was painfully familiar.
This is a beautiful, gut-wrenching, and ultimately hopeful story. It doesn’t shy away from showing the damaging ideologies and everyday bigotry woven into Valerie’s world (including misogyny, racism, homophobia) and how they’re normalised in the name of “love” and "godliness". But it also shows what real love looks like - unconditional, freeing, and boundless. Valerie’s relationship with Riley is tender and affirming, and their connection is so sweet.
Gay the Pray Away is not an easy read - especially if you carry any religious trauma - but it’s a powerful one. I found it completely compelling but at times also incredibly heartbreaking. Thankfully, at its core this book really is a story of survival and self-discovery.
This is a beautiful, gut-wrenching, and ultimately hopeful story. It doesn’t shy away from showing the damaging ideologies and everyday bigotry woven into Valerie’s world (including misogyny, racism, homophobia) and how they’re normalised in the name of “love” and "godliness". But it also shows what real love looks like - unconditional, freeing, and boundless. Valerie’s relationship with Riley is tender and affirming, and their connection is so sweet.
Gay the Pray Away is not an easy read - especially if you carry any religious trauma - but it’s a powerful one. I found it completely compelling but at times also incredibly heartbreaking. Thankfully, at its core this book really is a story of survival and self-discovery.
August 5, 2024
If there'a s book in which a person/character is navigating their queer identity while also being a part of an extremely religious community--especially if it's an Evangelical Christian community, I know I'm going to read it. Gay the Pray Away has been on my to-read list since I first heard about it and I finally got the chance to read it. And, oh boy, Gay the Pray Away makes my upbringing look completely liberal in comparison. This isn't just Evangelical Christianity, which is bonkers enough on its own, but this is a full on cult. So, yeah, I didn't have it nearly as bad as Valerie has here. And for that, I'm grateful.
Gay the Pray Away is interesting, heartbreaking, maddening, triggering, and very hard to read at times. But it's also, ultimately, a story of triumph. A nice addition to books on this topic for me.
Gay the Pray Away is interesting, heartbreaking, maddening, triggering, and very hard to read at times. But it's also, ultimately, a story of triumph. A nice addition to books on this topic for me.
July 3, 2024
Natalie Naudus has been one of my favorite audiobook narrators for years now and when I found out that she was coming out with her own queer contemporary YA book narrated by herself, I needed to read it immediately. Apparently, folks around me haven't caught on that this brilliant narrator released a book because I was able to get it from my library immediately but I hope that that changes and that there becomes a huge wait for this because it is worth it. I really hope that people see this book for the celebration of queer Joy and queer coming out and queer discovery that it truly is.
December 23, 2024
“It feels like a damn miracle every time someone like you or me can see through the fog of our childhood, and reach for the sun. And I’m proud of you.”
3.5 stars? That does feel a teeny bit generous. I really liked this novel, and it has a lot of strong points as a debut. I got it because I wanted to support Naudus, who's one of my favourite audiobook narrators ever. But narratively and pacing-wise, it didn't really do much for me. I feel like this really needed better structuring, and a more fleshed out conflict in the third act. It has really good bones, and I appreciate the narrative about overcoming religious trauma and unlearning harmful ideas. And the romance was REALLY cute; unfortunately super insta-love, but I forgave it because of how much I liked it. But on the whole, the book had its weak points. IMO, anyway. Most people have been loving this without reservation, which makes me really happy to see!
Valerie and her family have been members of a unique church (read: a cult) for most of her life. She doesn't realise it, though she does chafe under the strict rules and guidelines that she's made to follow. She starts seeing things a little differently when a new girl joins her Bible study group. Her friendship, and eventual relationship with Riley opens up the door for Valerie to do a whole lot more questioning. This did have a really good start, as we were drawn into Valerie's life and everything that she sees as her norm. I really loved that first act of rebellion that kicked things off, and I REALLY loved that it was a copy of One Last Stop that was the catalyst for her first major act of rebellion. (One of my favourite romances, and the audio that made me really love Naudus' voice.) The friendly librarian who kept being her covert little helper was so sweet. We saw an insidious and really sad part of compulsory heterosexuality through Valerie's friend Hannah. The book explores the hypocrisy of many religious organisations, the damage they can cause, the misogyny that they teach, the hateful ideologies they peddle like homophobia and racism (intended or not). My experiences with religion and queerness weren't in this arena, but it still struck a painful chord.
So all of that was great. I just think the writing was really on the nose, and not really structured well.
None of those are major flaws, I guess? But they did impact my reading experience. But one thing I loved wholeheartedly was the romance. Valerie and Riley were so, so sweet. I love love loved those days at the conference especially. This is the kind of insta infatuation that's a little frustrating and not my favourite to read, but it's understandable because they're teenagers, in a situation where it's almost inevitable that they'd cling to one another. I loved all Valerie's early moments of realisation, her swooning over Riley's forearms; Riley teaching Valerie about plants and helping her envision a different future. They were really lovely.
Listened to the audiobook as read by the author, and that in itself deserves 5 stars. Naudus truly never misses! In most of the cases where I've heard an author narrating their own books, they haven't been a professional on the same skill level as Naudus, so that in itself feels like a treat. I really hope she writes more, and continues to grow. This had a lot of great messages, and I can see it being very impactful in the right hands, especially if it's the intended YA audience. Not a favourite for me, but still good.
Content warnings:
May 1, 2025
I listened to the audiobook, which was amazing and I just love listening to a story read by the person who wrote it. I loved Nathalie Naudus’ performance in the “a Dark and Hollow Star” series but this felt extra special.
I think discovering queerness through books is something a lot of people can relate to and although it wasn’t a book that made me first realise anything about myself, being able to read sapphic stories has allowed me to explore my queerness and embrace it- something I am truly grateful for. I love how Val goes through something similar and I feel like her love for reading and how she uses what she reads to reflect on her life is something a lot of us readers can relate to.
The characters are amazing, truly some great character development done by the author. I feel like even small characters stand out, Hanna in particular will be in my thoughts for a little while- I just know it, but of course it’s the main character’s who shine the brightest.
I like how this book didn’t just address the main character’s personal experience of being an individual growing up in this religious environment, but that the larger issue with such cults or people who think in a similar manner is addressed as well. Matters of gender, racism, sexuality, power, violence and vulnerability were explored through Vals thoughts, discussions with Rae and her outbursts of frustration and I think it really helped to make this book stand out.
I just loved it- what can I say. Go read it and bring a tissue.
I think discovering queerness through books is something a lot of people can relate to and although it wasn’t a book that made me first realise anything about myself, being able to read sapphic stories has allowed me to explore my queerness and embrace it- something I am truly grateful for. I love how Val goes through something similar and I feel like her love for reading and how she uses what she reads to reflect on her life is something a lot of us readers can relate to.
The characters are amazing, truly some great character development done by the author. I feel like even small characters stand out, Hanna in particular will be in my thoughts for a little while- I just know it, but of course it’s the main character’s who shine the brightest.
I like how this book didn’t just address the main character’s personal experience of being an individual growing up in this religious environment, but that the larger issue with such cults or people who think in a similar manner is addressed as well. Matters of gender, racism, sexuality, power, violence and vulnerability were explored through Vals thoughts, discussions with Rae and her outbursts of frustration and I think it really helped to make this book stand out.
I just loved it- what can I say. Go read it and bring a tissue.
May 18, 2025
✨ Sapphic YA Romance
✨ First Person, Single POV
✨ 0.5/5 Spice Level
✨ Religious Cult/Trauma
✨ Coming of Age
✨ Stand Alone
✨ Rep: bisexual MC, Asian-American MC
> content warnings after review
Being a re-release, this is actually not the first time I’ve gotten to this book. I previously had listened to the audiobook (narrated by the author, Natalie Naudus), and I absolutely loved it. This time around, I read a digital copy, and I loved it just as much. I am a huge fan of Natalie’s work as a narrator, so I was extremely excited to find a book of her own was being published. (Also, I absolutely love the new cover!)
Pray the Gay Away feels like a very personal book. At times it is difficult to read, both with the fact the main character is in a religious cult as well as the disconnect she feels with her culture (considering everyone is very, very white). It was easy to cheer on Valerie throughout the book with each little micro-protest she made. She is a strong character despite being in a situation that continually tries to make her small, weak, and meek.
I’m honestly a bit at a loss for words other than I really hope this book finds all the people who really need it, and I am thankful to Natalie for writing it. This book means a lot to me as I am sure it will mean a lot to many others.
(beware potential spoilers below)
Content Warnings
(may not be all inclusive)
religious trauma, cult, religion-based homeschooling, homophobia, transphobia, child ab*se
✨ First Person, Single POV
✨ 0.5/5 Spice Level
✨ Religious Cult/Trauma
✨ Coming of Age
✨ Stand Alone
✨ Rep: bisexual MC, Asian-American MC
> content warnings after review
Being a re-release, this is actually not the first time I’ve gotten to this book. I previously had listened to the audiobook (narrated by the author, Natalie Naudus), and I absolutely loved it. This time around, I read a digital copy, and I loved it just as much. I am a huge fan of Natalie’s work as a narrator, so I was extremely excited to find a book of her own was being published. (Also, I absolutely love the new cover!)
Pray the Gay Away feels like a very personal book. At times it is difficult to read, both with the fact the main character is in a religious cult as well as the disconnect she feels with her culture (considering everyone is very, very white). It was easy to cheer on Valerie throughout the book with each little micro-protest she made. She is a strong character despite being in a situation that continually tries to make her small, weak, and meek.
I’m honestly a bit at a loss for words other than I really hope this book finds all the people who really need it, and I am thankful to Natalie for writing it. This book means a lot to me as I am sure it will mean a lot to many others.
(beware potential spoilers below)
Content Warnings
(may not be all inclusive)
religious trauma, cult, religion-based homeschooling, homophobia, transphobia, child ab*se
December 8, 2024
…definitely could tell when Natalie was using characters as her mouthpiece. This is exactly the kind of YA book I’d expect her to write, based on all the books I’ve read that she’s narrated /pos
I missed a lot of Val’s journey/realization. She went from minor discomfort at the thought of marrying a guy at 17 to using the exact perfect turns of phrases (re: intersectional feminism and queer acceptance and white nationalism) in a couple chapters. It’s the kind of righteous indignation so perfectly worded that you could only get it from being on the internet for a lot longer than Val’s 30 minutes at the library a week.
I missed a lot of Val’s journey/realization. She went from minor discomfort at the thought of marrying a guy at 17 to using the exact perfect turns of phrases (re: intersectional feminism and queer acceptance and white nationalism) in a couple chapters. It’s the kind of righteous indignation so perfectly worded that you could only get it from being on the internet for a lot longer than Val’s 30 minutes at the library a week.
June 15, 2024
Bought this book for my younger self living in the homeschool fundie cult. What a beautiful happy ending and such a sweet, tender story. I have never read a book that detailed so much of the thought patterns, intricacies etc of growing up this way. If you are on the “devout homeschool conference goer - to - queer person” pipeline, this one’s for you. If your younger self would have burned this book, this one’s for you ;)
Thank you so much for writing this book, Natalie…wow. I have few words to describe how much it means to me!!!
Thank you so much for writing this book, Natalie…wow. I have few words to describe how much it means to me!!!
July 7, 2025
I have read other books where Natalie has narrated and when I found out she was also an author I was so excited to read this! Doing the audiobook with her narrating was so cool!
I loved this book so much and it was so easy to love the FMC Val and to just want to be there for her while she came to the realization that she didn't want to be in the church anymore. Riley helped her with that and I loved the found family in this.
“It feels like a damn miracle every time someone like you, or me, can see through the fog of our childhood and reach for the sun.”
I loved this book so much and it was so easy to love the FMC Val and to just want to be there for her while she came to the realization that she didn't want to be in the church anymore. Riley helped her with that and I loved the found family in this.
“It feels like a damn miracle every time someone like you, or me, can see through the fog of our childhood and reach for the sun.”
April 12, 2024
(rounded up from 4.5)
This is a review of the ARC version of this book.
I wanted to review this book because the idea of an optimistic journey from a deeply religious cult to living a more authentic life as a queer woman of colour teen was interesting to me and we need more books like this in the world.
This is very firmly Young Adult, which means that the struggles and relationships depicted are very much the less mature sort that are typical of younger people. Growing up is hard and it's even more difficult when your parents have bought in deeply to an extremely religious and conservative ideology and police your every movement and thought.
Val is an extremely relatable protagonist. She's young, trying hard to be a good daughter and live the values instilled in her by her parents, not because she is a believer, but because she wants to please them. She is successful in deeply pushing down her feelings of being different from others in their community until new girl Riley enters her world.
Most YA coming-of-age queer stories are full of darkness and almost trauma-porn levels of shaming and self-loathing, so I appreciate that this is very much an optimistic book: the kind that a kid in the situation Valerie is in could read and feel heartened about.
There is a lot of research, discovery, and thinking about the values to develop your own opinions. While some of it is very quick, I feel like the audience for this book would appreciate not dwelling on the nitty-gritty of deprogramming oneself from religious indoctrination.
This is sweet, heartwarming and optimistic: all the things that books like these should be. I'm a bit surprised that the cover and title aren't more stealth-gay, as the protagonist deeply appreciates books she can sneak under her parents' radar because of a neutral cover and title, but nothing's perfect.
This is a review of the ARC version of this book.
I wanted to review this book because the idea of an optimistic journey from a deeply religious cult to living a more authentic life as a queer woman of colour teen was interesting to me and we need more books like this in the world.
This is very firmly Young Adult, which means that the struggles and relationships depicted are very much the less mature sort that are typical of younger people. Growing up is hard and it's even more difficult when your parents have bought in deeply to an extremely religious and conservative ideology and police your every movement and thought.
Val is an extremely relatable protagonist. She's young, trying hard to be a good daughter and live the values instilled in her by her parents, not because she is a believer, but because she wants to please them. She is successful in deeply pushing down her feelings of being different from others in their community until new girl Riley enters her world.
Most YA coming-of-age queer stories are full of darkness and almost trauma-porn levels of shaming and self-loathing, so I appreciate that this is very much an optimistic book: the kind that a kid in the situation Valerie is in could read and feel heartened about.
There is a lot of research, discovery, and thinking about the values to develop your own opinions. While some of it is very quick, I feel like the audience for this book would appreciate not dwelling on the nitty-gritty of deprogramming oneself from religious indoctrination.
This is sweet, heartwarming and optimistic: all the things that books like these should be. I'm a bit surprised that the cover and title aren't more stealth-gay, as the protagonist deeply appreciates books she can sneak under her parents' radar because of a neutral cover and title, but nothing's perfect.
June 16, 2024
Beautiful overall, made moreso by the narration, as I was reading in audio format! (Hannah’s audiobook voice isn’t for the faint of heart though. She as a character is meant to be overly cheery. My poor ears.) While frequently anxiety and anger-inducing, there was still a hopeful tone to Valerie’s story. I mostly liked how the back-and-forth between confidence, self-doubt and confusion in her deconstruction journey was written through her thoughts.
While the romance was very mushy-gushy and sometimes corny, I’m giving it a pass because not only was it clear that these two girls needed the support they gave each other, but I also wouldn’t expect anything else from two sapphics with a very conservative and religious upbringing trying to flirt and have a relationship with each other lol.
Also, all the references to queer books!! (Two of which being stuff Natalie Naudus has narrated! “The narration is fine, but the story is great” or however that line goes made me laugh.) A fun Easter Egg for general readers of queer fiction, but mostly fans of Natalie.
What held me back from rating this higher, though, was that certain parts were repetitive. It sometimes lessened the impact of a scene or made my audiobook feel like it was repeating.
Please check trigger warnings before reading, there’s very graphic depictions of religious bigotry, child abuse(spanking, but also emotional and religious abuse), homophobia, and the main character is outed(check my activity/notes to see which chapter, if you need to know). Despite the hopefulness and the sweet ending, this was heavy.
*******
pre-review:
4.25!! ouch
While the romance was very mushy-gushy and sometimes corny, I’m giving it a pass because not only was it clear that these two girls needed the support they gave each other, but I also wouldn’t expect anything else from two sapphics with a very conservative and religious upbringing trying to flirt and have a relationship with each other lol.
Also, all the references to queer books!! (Two of which being stuff Natalie Naudus has narrated! “The narration is fine, but the story is great” or however that line goes made me laugh.) A fun Easter Egg for general readers of queer fiction, but mostly fans of Natalie.
What held me back from rating this higher, though, was that certain parts were repetitive. It sometimes lessened the impact of a scene or made my audiobook feel like it was repeating.
Please check trigger warnings before reading, there’s very graphic depictions of religious bigotry, child abuse(spanking, but also emotional and religious abuse), homophobia, and the main character is outed(check my activity/notes to see which chapter, if you need to know). Despite the hopefulness and the sweet ending, this was heavy.
*******
pre-review:
4.25!! ouch
June 4, 2024
A deeply personal queer YA coming of age story about Valerie, a young Asian American girl growing up in a cultish, ultra-conservative Christian homeschooling environment and her awakening to new possibilities in both life and love when she falls for the more worldly Riley.
In her fiction debut, best-selling audiobook narrator, Natalie Naudus has crafted a touching, memorable and tender Sapphic love story that touches on Anti-Asian racism, homophobia and more as she writes from her own personal experience growing up in this world.
AMAZING on audio narrated by the author herself, this book was a joy to read and highly recommended for fans of authors like Jennifer Dugan and Malinda Lo. I can't wait to see what Natalie Naudus writes next and will continue to enjoy anything she narrates!
In her fiction debut, best-selling audiobook narrator, Natalie Naudus has crafted a touching, memorable and tender Sapphic love story that touches on Anti-Asian racism, homophobia and more as she writes from her own personal experience growing up in this world.
AMAZING on audio narrated by the author herself, this book was a joy to read and highly recommended for fans of authors like Jennifer Dugan and Malinda Lo. I can't wait to see what Natalie Naudus writes next and will continue to enjoy anything she narrates!
June 24, 2024
4.75/5 - listen i may be biased because the author is a queer asian like myself and i kinda know the cover artist, but this book spoke to my soul. as someone who NEEDED this book when i was in high school (or even college lets be real), it was such a heartwarming read that soothed me and my inner teen.
this book talks through the hardships of religious hate disguised as love, a girl falling for a girl, family relationships, multiracial experiences, and self understanding. anger, guilt, and hurt were apparent in this book, but so was hope, peace, and real love.
i felt seen through this book that natalie naudus wrote and narrated. i now want to buy and gift it to all my queer friends who had really difficult experiences around religion that hurt more than helped them.
this book talks through the hardships of religious hate disguised as love, a girl falling for a girl, family relationships, multiracial experiences, and self understanding. anger, guilt, and hurt were apparent in this book, but so was hope, peace, and real love.
i felt seen through this book that natalie naudus wrote and narrated. i now want to buy and gift it to all my queer friends who had really difficult experiences around religion that hurt more than helped them.
July 4, 2024
4.5 stars
This is such a beautiful debut novel from Natalie Naudus. This is a gripping and emotional journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and healing. Naudus handles the subject of religious trauma very well. Valerie is a multifaceted character who feels so real. The relationship between her and Riley is so genuine and adorable. I liked going on this journey with Valerie as she learns about herself and the world outside of her family and religious cult. I enjoyed this read so much and saw aspects of myself as a teenager in both Valerie and Riley. These are characters I wish I had as a teen, but I am so glad they are out there for others. Definitely check this one out.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
This is such a beautiful debut novel from Natalie Naudus. This is a gripping and emotional journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and healing. Naudus handles the subject of religious trauma very well. Valerie is a multifaceted character who feels so real. The relationship between her and Riley is so genuine and adorable. I liked going on this journey with Valerie as she learns about herself and the world outside of her family and religious cult. I enjoyed this read so much and saw aspects of myself as a teenager in both Valerie and Riley. These are characters I wish I had as a teen, but I am so glad they are out there for others. Definitely check this one out.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
May 12, 2025
Damn, this resonated so deeply with me. While I wasn’t raised with the Goddard Inst. stuff, I was thoroughly raised on focus on the Family by my mother, which was, in many ways, just as bad. Thank Thor that my dad really didn’t care much about religion or didn’t have time for it. Not that he was an active parent but at least my mom had to be subservient to him, her words - not his. Devotions every day, punishments much like Val’s, spare the rod spoil the child, the constant threat of going to hell, being told I was willful, prideful and “hard hearted”, and endless hours of listening to sermons to make me more obedient were my childhood. I was sent to a Christian high school, but I’m certain if homeschool were a thing in the late 70s early 80s, that would have been thrust on me too.
So, yeah, this book struck super close to home. What I wouldn’t have given to have had this in 1984 when I would endlessly pray to be “normal” and to like boys. There was no internet, we had 4 channels of TV, and there were no LGBTQ books at my local library. I am glad this book exists and I am so glad I read it. No, it’s not the most sophisticated writing and yes, the conflict at the end wound up a little too easily.
This book to give hope to those who need it.
YA readers don’t need to hear about how conflicted they are going to be throughout their lives about how they had been lied to and how it may take years of therapy to deconstruct their religious upbringing. It didn’t need to be a literary masterpiece to get the message of hope out there. Thank you Natalie for sharing this story.
So, yeah, this book struck super close to home. What I wouldn’t have given to have had this in 1984 when I would endlessly pray to be “normal” and to like boys. There was no internet, we had 4 channels of TV, and there were no LGBTQ books at my local library. I am glad this book exists and I am so glad I read it. No, it’s not the most sophisticated writing and yes, the conflict at the end wound up a little too easily.
This book to give hope to those who need it.
YA readers don’t need to hear about how conflicted they are going to be throughout their lives about how they had been lied to and how it may take years of therapy to deconstruct their religious upbringing. It didn’t need to be a literary masterpiece to get the message of hope out there. Thank you Natalie for sharing this story.
January 11, 2025
3.25⭐️ The impact and power of this book comes from the fact that it is based on the author’s (Naudus) own experience growing up in a deeply religious / cult-like community. Whilst a story of religious oppression and abuse, this is underpinned by love (and what is not love), the importance of knowledge for freedom, the power of the written word (including sapphic literature for queer people) and the strength that can be drawn from hope.
Although there are obvious differences, I can’t help but compare this to Her Name in the Sky by Kelly Quindlen. For me, “Gay the Pray Away” didn’t evoke the same visceral response and I always felt like the MCs emotional experience was just out of reach. However, as someone whose own upbringing couldn’t have been more different, I find it hard to comment negatively at all.
Overall, this is a touching and important story, that left me feeling grateful for the life I have been able to lead and incredibly sad for those who do not share the same freedom and liberty.
Although there are obvious differences, I can’t help but compare this to Her Name in the Sky by Kelly Quindlen. For me, “Gay the Pray Away” didn’t evoke the same visceral response and I always felt like the MCs emotional experience was just out of reach. However, as someone whose own upbringing couldn’t have been more different, I find it hard to comment negatively at all.
Overall, this is a touching and important story, that left me feeling grateful for the life I have been able to lead and incredibly sad for those who do not share the same freedom and liberty.
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