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Face to Face: Meditations on Friendship and Hospitality
Excellent Book
142 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
25 people are currently reading
379 people want to read
About the author
Steve Wilkins
24 books24 followersSteve Wilkins holds a Bachelor of Science degree (in Pre-Law) from the University of Alabama and a Masters of Divinity from the Reformed Theological Seminary of Jackson, Mississippi. He was ordained as a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) in 1976. He served as the pastor of Auburn Avenue Presbyterian Church of Monroe, Louisiana from 1989 to 2018. On April 15, 2018, Auburn Avenue Presbyterian Church began worshipping in a new location in West Monroe, LA. and changed its name to Church of the Redeemer.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
October 21, 2023
2023: Always timely. Really good!
Biblical and practical (2019)
Read this for second time in January 2014. This time I read it at a slower pace taking lots of notes. Wilkins uses the Word and his words in such a way that he is convicting, challenging, and timely.
Really good (2013)
Biblical and practical (2019)
Read this for second time in January 2014. This time I read it at a slower pace taking lots of notes. Wilkins uses the Word and his words in such a way that he is convicting, challenging, and timely.
Really good (2013)
May 25, 2024
Wonderful!
September 3, 2024
Absolutely phenomenal! Highly recommend to every Christian, a wonderful biblical and theological primer on hospitality and friendship. If you think this is a fringe subject or not a super relevant issue, you are mistaken.
March 15, 2025
Great little book on hospitality with some good practical advice and a joyful presentation.
October 13, 2021
I always read books like this incredibly quickly, cherry-picking the parts that interest/pertain to me.
The book was cut in half by the topics of friendship/hospitality, so I really 'skimmed' the first half, and read the second half.
Good thoughts on hospitality.
Things I've never heard before:
-The greek/latin behind 'being given to hospitality' is an aggressive verb, meaning more like 'we should be stalking hospitality.'
-Being 'given to hospitality' is a requirement for an elder. That gives some real heft to it.
Things that were general good reminders:
-Almost every excuse not to be hospitable is garbage. Hospitality doesn't need to be perfect, or impressive or all that glorious.
You do need to be prepared to let love cover, to take on personal expense and excuse offense, and to provide food. Food is at the center of hospitality.
Good stuff.
Our current excuses:
-We have but five dining room chairs
-We don't have silverware for *that* many
-We don't have any toys or spaces for kids to just go have fun and be kids
-Pride, duh
Current plan:
-Be on the lookout for more chairs, but until then, just use folding
-Make a big ol' pot of soup and bread and invite people over. Simple as that.
-
The book was cut in half by the topics of friendship/hospitality, so I really 'skimmed' the first half, and read the second half.
Good thoughts on hospitality.
Things I've never heard before:
-The greek/latin behind 'being given to hospitality' is an aggressive verb, meaning more like 'we should be stalking hospitality.'
-Being 'given to hospitality' is a requirement for an elder. That gives some real heft to it.
Things that were general good reminders:
-Almost every excuse not to be hospitable is garbage. Hospitality doesn't need to be perfect, or impressive or all that glorious.
You do need to be prepared to let love cover, to take on personal expense and excuse offense, and to provide food. Food is at the center of hospitality.
Good stuff.
Our current excuses:
-We have but five dining room chairs
-We don't have silverware for *that* many
-We don't have any toys or spaces for kids to just go have fun and be kids
-Pride, duh
Current plan:
-Be on the lookout for more chairs, but until then, just use folding
-Make a big ol' pot of soup and bread and invite people over. Simple as that.
-
February 6, 2024
So amazingly good! A short book jam packed with wisdom on hospitality and friendship. Well worth a read. I will come back to this again and again in the future. I have already widely recommended it to friends and family.
February 4, 2015
Very good read. I think it was compiled from a series of Wilkins' sermons, so the tone is very conversational/approachable. Beautiful stuff about the human need for friendship, how friendship reflects the nature of God, conflict resolution, the beauty of grace displayed in Christian hospitality, etc.
"No one can find perfect people to befriend---people who never disappoint you or sin against you. A perfect friend would require very little sacrifice; anyone could be a friend to an angel. We are called to be friends to sinners. That path is a hard one, but the rewards are rich for those willing to exercise an abundance of grace, selflessness, and real, abiding love."
"A truly loving spirit responds to the love of God by brimming with love for those around him, regardless of whether his love is returned. He has been captured by the love of God, and the profound depth of His response overshadows and annuls all other responses."
"When someone is alone he does everything his own way and has no need to accommodate anyone else. It is with other people that we find our character tested. Real patience, forbearance, love, kindness, forgiveness and humility can only be learned by living with sinners."
"No one can find perfect people to befriend---people who never disappoint you or sin against you. A perfect friend would require very little sacrifice; anyone could be a friend to an angel. We are called to be friends to sinners. That path is a hard one, but the rewards are rich for those willing to exercise an abundance of grace, selflessness, and real, abiding love."
"A truly loving spirit responds to the love of God by brimming with love for those around him, regardless of whether his love is returned. He has been captured by the love of God, and the profound depth of His response overshadows and annuls all other responses."
"When someone is alone he does everything his own way and has no need to accommodate anyone else. It is with other people that we find our character tested. Real patience, forbearance, love, kindness, forgiveness and humility can only be learned by living with sinners."
July 12, 2016
4.5 stars... we all need a good kick in the pants to remind us that life is not about us. God's bride is not me but we. Good exhortation to be a better friend. Friendly to all but I am not capable of being friends with all, nor was that the main purpose. The section on hospitality should be a required reading for all congregations. We have forgotten this art and I am ready to work harder in this area of life. Enough excuses because there aren't any. While there are no "here's what you do" we can really say keep it simple. Spaghetti...or maybe a salad bar. If you want steaks fine... but eat, drink, and do it with a merry heart.
January 27, 2009
Really good.
March 27, 2024
Okay there was a lot of 10/10 content in here but I’m too pregnant to forgive a major pet peeve: Wilkins takes a very lofty moral tone (not a bad thing) BUT frequently takes questionable leaps in logic to reach his conclusions, and even contradicts points he has just made. Taking the moral high ground and logical laziness do not mix well. Several times I couldn’t decide if I agreed with him, because he couldn’t decide if he agreed with himself.
Overall would recommend reading, and would also recommend Wilkins write a second edition.
Overall would recommend reading, and would also recommend Wilkins write a second edition.
March 26, 2025
Great touch point for biblical friendship and the necessity of hospitality. Worth a periodical re-read.
July 11, 2025
Wonderful book, I was convinced of the importance of hospitality by The Gospel Comes With a House-Key by Butterfield. This book is significantly better that that one at explaining the particular command from scripture.
September 19, 2011
Wilkins divides this book into two parts: Part one is about the necessity of friendship, and part two is about the necessity of hospitality.
On friendship, Wilkins maintains that having one or two close friends is vital, not optional, not simply a nice thing if it works out. We are created finite, dependent, and social. Friendship is something to pray about, seek out, and invest in, not only for our children, but for ourselves as well. Friendships do not happen incidentally, they require an investment of time and of oneself -- and it is worth it. Wilkins also develops that while we are to be friendly with everyone (loving our neighbor), we cannot be intimate friends with more than one or two people because of the time and investment involved. And, from a pastor's vantage, he also gives a hard word about being friendly oneself rather than complaining about cliques and the unfriendliness of others.
On hospitality, Wilkins fleshes out Strauch's Hospitality Commands a bit more, particularly the aspect that hospitality is always connected with showing love to the saints in the New Testament. He develops a bit more what hospitality is, what the benefits are, and finishes up with a chapter of practical tips for beginning to show hospitality.
-----
Quotes:
"The focus of hospitality is neither on the full table or the large room but on the open door. [...] The heart of hospitality is the encouragement of others."
"I hope that all Christians can delight in the amazing beauty of the lawful variations that exist between us."
"Joyful Christians laugh at the suggestion that the unbeliever's licentiousness yields in any way a true and lasting happiness; but sadly many Christians fail to give, in their home life, a living refutation of the unbeliever. Our lives have failed to publish the joy of the gospel. Our houses should be a place of celebration."
"So many dead churches believe themselves to be unified and full of love for the brethren, but that is only because they never see each other. It is easy to 'love,' in a vague, abstract way, someone you do not know. It is easy to be at peace with humanity in general, as long as you never have to reconcile with a real person. There is peace and unity in a graveyard; there are no arguments and no divisions. But that is not the peace of the living; it is the emptiness of the dead. In a real, living church, growing under the blessing of God, members are rubbing shoulders constantly, and so there are constant outbreaks of conflict that require forgiveness, forbearance, and patience -- growth in sanctification becomes a necessity; it is sink or swim."
On friendship, Wilkins maintains that having one or two close friends is vital, not optional, not simply a nice thing if it works out. We are created finite, dependent, and social. Friendship is something to pray about, seek out, and invest in, not only for our children, but for ourselves as well. Friendships do not happen incidentally, they require an investment of time and of oneself -- and it is worth it. Wilkins also develops that while we are to be friendly with everyone (loving our neighbor), we cannot be intimate friends with more than one or two people because of the time and investment involved. And, from a pastor's vantage, he also gives a hard word about being friendly oneself rather than complaining about cliques and the unfriendliness of others.
On hospitality, Wilkins fleshes out Strauch's Hospitality Commands a bit more, particularly the aspect that hospitality is always connected with showing love to the saints in the New Testament. He develops a bit more what hospitality is, what the benefits are, and finishes up with a chapter of practical tips for beginning to show hospitality.
-----
Quotes:
"The focus of hospitality is neither on the full table or the large room but on the open door. [...] The heart of hospitality is the encouragement of others."
"I hope that all Christians can delight in the amazing beauty of the lawful variations that exist between us."
"Joyful Christians laugh at the suggestion that the unbeliever's licentiousness yields in any way a true and lasting happiness; but sadly many Christians fail to give, in their home life, a living refutation of the unbeliever. Our lives have failed to publish the joy of the gospel. Our houses should be a place of celebration."
"So many dead churches believe themselves to be unified and full of love for the brethren, but that is only because they never see each other. It is easy to 'love,' in a vague, abstract way, someone you do not know. It is easy to be at peace with humanity in general, as long as you never have to reconcile with a real person. There is peace and unity in a graveyard; there are no arguments and no divisions. But that is not the peace of the living; it is the emptiness of the dead. In a real, living church, growing under the blessing of God, members are rubbing shoulders constantly, and so there are constant outbreaks of conflict that require forgiveness, forbearance, and patience -- growth in sanctification becomes a necessity; it is sink or swim."
February 20, 2013
This was an excellent book. Pastor Wilkins presents exactly what every Christian needs to know about friendship, friendliness, and hospitality. There are two groups that definitely must read this book: churches and parents.
Churches. If you are in a church and want to see your church family grow closer together, you need to be practicing Biblical friendship and hospitality. You need to be pursuing these things. You need this book.
Parents. If you are the parent of any number of children, you need to understand that friendship does not come naturally to our children--especially in extremely individualistic America. This book will help you to articulate well to your children what friendship is and how your children should engage in it.
I read the most recent printing of it, and if you can get it, that is the one you should read. Pastor Wilkins added an introduction to the most recent printing that explains how the Trinity is the basis for Biblical friendship and hospitality. The introduction alone is worth the read.
For just a small taste of one of the points Pastor Wilkins makes, I share this. The Greek word often translated as "given" in the phrase "given to hospitality" has a huge impact on what hospitality should mean to Christians. First, while Paul tells Timothy that pastors should be "given to hospitality," he also tells the Romans that Christians (yes, all of us) should be "given to hospitality." The word translated "given" is also translated elsewhere as "persecute," meaning that Paul "persectued" the Church. He did so actively and with great zeal. That is how Christians and pastors should be given to hospitality, with great zeal. He also shares that classical Greek used the word to describe a hound is given to the chase (of a fox or some other animal being hunted). Hospitality is not something Christians do when it is convenient or when it presents itself, as we wait passively for it. It is something we should be given to, actively pursuing, looking for--with zeal, as if we were persecuting those in need with our hospitality.
Churches. If you are in a church and want to see your church family grow closer together, you need to be practicing Biblical friendship and hospitality. You need to be pursuing these things. You need this book.
Parents. If you are the parent of any number of children, you need to understand that friendship does not come naturally to our children--especially in extremely individualistic America. This book will help you to articulate well to your children what friendship is and how your children should engage in it.
I read the most recent printing of it, and if you can get it, that is the one you should read. Pastor Wilkins added an introduction to the most recent printing that explains how the Trinity is the basis for Biblical friendship and hospitality. The introduction alone is worth the read.
For just a small taste of one of the points Pastor Wilkins makes, I share this. The Greek word often translated as "given" in the phrase "given to hospitality" has a huge impact on what hospitality should mean to Christians. First, while Paul tells Timothy that pastors should be "given to hospitality," he also tells the Romans that Christians (yes, all of us) should be "given to hospitality." The word translated "given" is also translated elsewhere as "persecute," meaning that Paul "persectued" the Church. He did so actively and with great zeal. That is how Christians and pastors should be given to hospitality, with great zeal. He also shares that classical Greek used the word to describe a hound is given to the chase (of a fox or some other animal being hunted). Hospitality is not something Christians do when it is convenient or when it presents itself, as we wait passively for it. It is something we should be given to, actively pursuing, looking for--with zeal, as if we were persecuting those in need with our hospitality.
October 4, 2014
A thought provoking detail of the biblical subject of hospitality. Steve Wilkins does a very good on of covering the various aspects that biblical friendship and hospitality entails. I received many good thoughts, and was convicted many a'time as I read through this little gem. If you're running a household, wanting to have more people over, or simply looking to have a more biblical perspective on God glorifying friendships, this is a tremendous resource.
July 8, 2022
I almost gave this a 3-star because the earlier chapters felt a bit repetitive and the structure seemed to go back and forth (even though the content was great!). The last chapters moved this rating up - rounding out a solid practical theology on hospitality.
September 8, 2010
All true but just not a really fun book to read.
November 12, 2019
Godly friendship is so important; not a luxury, but a necessity. We must seek friends who can teach us and inspire us to grow. We must seek relationships because "we are designed to need the companionship of others." However, friends should be carefully chosen because they will either grow you or hinder you in your walk with God. They must be growing in holiness and wisdom. Furthermore, in transitioning from friendship to hospitality, hospitality is ministering to and encouraging others. Hospitality is beneficial for the individual, family, and church of Christ. We must look out for the interests of others; we must die to ourselves to minister to others. When we apply the Word to ourselves, we can help others in the same situation.
April 8, 2025
Very practical and straight forward. Nice to hear topics of friendship and hospitality from the authority and perspective of a man. Full of helpful tips and biblical examples.
I liked the distinctions of types of friendships, duty of biblical friendship. We grow in patience, kindness, sacrifice, love by being in relationship with sinners. It is unnatural to desire an independent and solitary life. Hospitality as serving strangers. Generosity as overflow of joy, for our delight, Gods glory, benefit of the church, and testimony of Gods provision. Receive more to give more. We are to be people of feasts, so that others may desire to know a God like ours: generous, joyful, lavish, delighting us in providing feasts, not feasting on us.
I liked the distinctions of types of friendships, duty of biblical friendship. We grow in patience, kindness, sacrifice, love by being in relationship with sinners. It is unnatural to desire an independent and solitary life. Hospitality as serving strangers. Generosity as overflow of joy, for our delight, Gods glory, benefit of the church, and testimony of Gods provision. Receive more to give more. We are to be people of feasts, so that others may desire to know a God like ours: generous, joyful, lavish, delighting us in providing feasts, not feasting on us.
January 25, 2022
This little book is a call to repentance for evangelical Christians who have adopted a “me and Jesus”
mentality, and for that I’m convicted and thankful. I appreciate the Old Testament and New Testament references to hospitality as well as the practical applications for today. Unfortunately, I listened to this book instead of read it myself, which may have negatively nuanced the tone, which I found off-putting at times. Still, I’m more than ever mindful of the Christian duty to pursue friendship and hospitality, especially with fellow-believers. As this was the aim of the book, it was a success with me.
mentality, and for that I’m convicted and thankful. I appreciate the Old Testament and New Testament references to hospitality as well as the practical applications for today. Unfortunately, I listened to this book instead of read it myself, which may have negatively nuanced the tone, which I found off-putting at times. Still, I’m more than ever mindful of the Christian duty to pursue friendship and hospitality, especially with fellow-believers. As this was the aim of the book, it was a success with me.
December 3, 2024
This book was very encouraging and extremely necessary given our cultural moment in the west. This book takes deep concepts about Christian hospitality and friendship and makes them extremely plain to understand and begin applying. This book rivals works such as Life Together, Compelling Community, and The Gospel Comes with a House Key - in many ways being the superior work, in that Wilkins remains realistic in terms of how the man-in-the-pew can immediately get to work and in terms of how he rouses the reader to long for a thick Christian culture that is more attainable than some may initially think.
February 15, 2024
I wish I could read this for the first time again. What insight and biblical truths about hospitality and friendship. Wilkins gives scriptural context, encouragement, pitfalls, and practical applications. I believe this book belongs on the shelf of any believer who desires not to reduce hospitality to a mere lavish dinner with friends, but instead to use it as a powerful building tool for the Kingdom of God.
April 3, 2025
This is a short but punchy book that gets right to the point on describing true friendship, biblical hospitality, and what those two things should and can look like. I didn't realise just how central and important the pursuit of hospitality is supposed to be, but I'm excited to develop in my practise of it.
This is a great book if you're wanting to form an idea of this topic, or reflect on others' ideas.
This is a great book if you're wanting to form an idea of this topic, or reflect on others' ideas.
November 28, 2021
This book had great reminders of things I already knew or had forgotten, but there were also several things that I had not heard before and biblical connections I hadn't previously made both about friendship and hospitality. I appreciated this book very much and may want to revisit it again in the future.
I listened to it while painting my kitchen!
I listened to it while painting my kitchen!
November 17, 2023
A solid scripturally-based synopsis on why friendships and hospitality are not just optional bonuses but necessary components of a godly life that should be heavily pursued. He uses the nature of God in the form of the trinity and love to argue why this is the case and also discusses some of the more nitty gritty details. Helpful and convicting!
February 22, 2024
This book reminds us not only of the duty but of the joys of deep Christian friendships and abundant generosity. This kind of teaching is much needed in a culture that is self-centered, lonely, and full of greed.
February 17, 2019
Good teaching on Biblical hospitality. Very confronting.
May 18, 2021
The audio I listened to was brutal. Maybe I will enjoy a physical copy more.
May 28, 2021
Really helpful, encouraging, and convicting practical pastoral theology of friendship and hospitality, from a great Southern pastor.
May 26, 2022
Highly recommend this book to all believers! His in-depth but highly readable search into friendship and hospitality is necessary for all of us!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews