How to Stop People-Pleasing

by Wind Goodfriend

Do you find yourself regularly sacrificing your own wants and needs to make others happy? Do people take advantage of your desire to be helpful? Are you becoming exhausted or resentful from meeting the demands—real or assumed—of others? In other words, are you a perpetual people pleaser?

We all want to be liked and appreciated by the people around us, but some of us may let this desire dictate our choices and behaviors in a way that can become unhealthy. In How to Stop People-Pleasing, psychology professor Dr. Wind Goodfriend examines what drives many of us to sacrifice our well-being to please others and offers guidance on how you can set healthy boundaries and start prioritizing yourself. In five illuminating lectures, Dr. Goodfriend will help you understand where the approval-seeking impulse comes from, why some of us are so susceptible to it, the steps you can take to develop your confidence and sense of self, and ways you can enforce your newfound freedom from the expectations of others.

As Dr. Goodfriend teaches you how to tackle the three components that fuel people-pleasing—mindset, habits, and feelings—you will see how, despite your best efforts to be what everyone needs you to be, you ultimately can’t control what other people think of you. With the tools and perspectives provided in this course, you can break the damaging cycle of self-sacrifice and resentment and make the changes to become a better, healthier version of yourself.

©2024 Audible Originals, LLC (P)2024 Audible Originals, LLC

Genres: Audiobook, Nonfiction

Audible Audio

Published August 12, 2024

Reviews

[Ally Jensen]

I thought I was the queen of people pleasing, turns out I’m just a citizen.

[Mark Francis Montecer]

How to Stop People-Pleasing is one of those short but punchy books that offers real value—especially if you're just beginning to recognize this habit in yourself. I appreciated how it made me pause and reflect on the ways I’ve unconsciously prioritized others' needs over my own. The author shares a mix of relatable examples, psychological insights, and practical tools that helped me start thinking differently about boundaries.

One of the standout takeaways was how to say “no” politely but firmly—something that sounds simple but can feel incredibly difficult in real life. I listened to the audiobook, and it was well-paced, easy to follow, and filled with digestible insights. I even took notes (which I rarely do), and I’ve already applied a few of the suggestions in my daily interactions. It’s not about being selfish—it’s about being clear and respectful with yourself and others.

That being said, this isn’t a deep-dive or revolutionary approach. If you’ve read a few self-help books on boundaries or assertiveness, you might find the content familiar or even surface-level.

[Jeff Brawner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I guess my first attempt to not people please would be to reject the other reviews I see about this book.
I found this to be immensely practical, and a great investment of time.

Maybe for someone who has read much on this topic, this audible book is somewhat basic. However, for someone who is just exploring the beginnings of what people pleasing looks like, I found this to be excellent

[Chris Howells · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you find yourself regularly sacrificing your own wants and needs to make others happy? Do people take advantage of your desire to be helpful? Are you becoming exhausted or resentful from meeting the demands—real or assumed—of others? In other words, are you a perpetual people pleaser?
I found this a very easy to follow and very practical guide. I was surprised how much I do this without realising it and Goodfreind, great name, illustrated that a surprising amount of people do it as well. She goes through the social experiments and the science behind this type of behaviour but importantly offers techniques how to "politely say no." I have been carefully using her advice and slowly I am putting up boundaries. It is important for everyone, however she does not advocate a selfish action, just healthy limits of your time and empathy. I doo recommend this audio.

[Nitin Jain · Rating 2 out of 5]

'How to Stop People-Pleasing' by Wind Goodfriend offers a practical guide to breaking the habit of constantly seeking approval and learning the art of saying "no." While the book provides helpful tools and insights, it feels like a recap of many other self-help books I’ve read on setting boundaries. It covers the basics well but doesn't offer much new if you're already familiar with the subject. A good read for beginners, but not as essential for those who’ve already explored this topic.

[Chelsea · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author spends far too much time boasting about their credentials, listing articles and books they’ve read, and emphasizing their “confidence,” which comes off as self-aggrandizing and irritating. Lecture one felt like a complete waste of time. The book offers an oversimplified, surface-level overview of the topic, delivered in a tone that feels more arrogant than insightful. The author’s lack of relatability only adds to the frustration.

[Vanessa Doone · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is for people just delving into self awareness. I thought the first 3 sections were done really well. But in section four when it got to the 7 C's section she totally lost me.. many of the C strategies given were slightly manipulative, and while maybe needed as initial steps to learning to have boundries over time will also be bad behavior over practicing expressing authentic truth. so it's a 2 star for me.

[Alex Shrugged · Rating 4 out of 5]

This Great Courses audiobook is entirely too short, but it is jam-packed with suggestions on how to stop people-pleasing, small tests to find out how much of a people-pleaser you are, etc.

This is not a course where one identifies with the professor. The professor is not a people pleaser at all, but she handles the subject well.

I'd be glad to listen to this audio course again.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Recovering people pleaser here! 👋🥸 Though the closer I’ve gotten to my 40’s the less fucks I give. Book was an easy read, but in the realm of self-help books, it didn’t provide a lot of new information

[Kym · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's some good advice here. My favorite was the 7 C's. I didn't love how she bad mouthed other people who have written books who were one people pleasers. It felt distasteful. You can talk up your book without talking down someone else's.

[Caroline Brassard · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wouldn’t waste my time on this disappointing book. Starts ok but ends totally flat and uninspiring, sadly.

[Aidin · Rating 3 out of 5]

More of a lecture than audiobook

[Ethan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was surprised by this book. It provided relatable examples and practical application tips to address the needs of readers. There were a few practices that I want to try out after reading this.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful! I listened to it the first time. I will listen to it again and take notes. I find this very helpful.

[Maddy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a people pleaser, that much is true. still not sure how to stop tho?

[Eva · Rating 2 out of 5]

Liked the psychology aspect but kind of boring.

[Mike Lord · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another very good book from "The Great Courses" series

[Bree · Rating 3 out of 5]

It had some good insights & advice. It was to the point & didn't ramble, which I appreciate. The narrator was good.

[Meagan Andrews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Wind Goodfriend packs a lot of wisdom into her short and sweet Audible, How to Stop People-Pleasing. I found it practical, took notes, and have already applied some tips to my daily life. Highly recommend for anyone looking to break the cycle.