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Putting on a Show: Manhood, Mates and Mental Health
What’s going on behind the bravado of the ‘average Aussie bloke’?
Following the untimely deaths of two friends, Rob Mills began questioning who he is as a person and a man. Soon his self-reflection shifted outwards, and he got to wondering how he fits into the category of ‘Aussie bloke’. Who is the average Aussie bloke, anyway, and does he even exist? What does he see as his purpose in the world? What is the state of his mental health? What does he think about gender roles, about family, sex and mateship, about violence and vulnerability?
Charged by his naturally inquisitive nature, and with enough smarts to know he doesn’t have all the answers, Rob called on the help of experts and friends. This book is the result of all these questions: a fascinating, chatty, insightful and often hilarious deep dive into both Rob’s own life and that of the man on the street.
6 hrs. 40 min.
Following the untimely deaths of two friends, Rob Mills began questioning who he is as a person and a man. Soon his self-reflection shifted outwards, and he got to wondering how he fits into the category of ‘Aussie bloke’. Who is the average Aussie bloke, anyway, and does he even exist? What does he see as his purpose in the world? What is the state of his mental health? What does he think about gender roles, about family, sex and mateship, about violence and vulnerability?
Charged by his naturally inquisitive nature, and with enough smarts to know he doesn’t have all the answers, Rob called on the help of experts and friends. This book is the result of all these questions: a fascinating, chatty, insightful and often hilarious deep dive into both Rob’s own life and that of the man on the street.
6 hrs. 40 min.
- GenresAudiobookNonfiction
7 pages, Audible Audio
Published November 12, 2022
21 people are currently reading
113 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
October 13, 2022
Rob Mills (Australian Idol fame) takes a long, hard look at himself and the Australian male. It makes for a harrowing read. It’s an important, timely book, and one which I hope generates conversation and change among those who read it.
Putting on a Show has a documentary feel. Rob basically goes full-Louis-Theroux, with memoir woven into the narrative, that’s quite effective at demonstrating the issues being discussed. His exploration into the state of Aussie men today sees chapters ranging from alcohol and violence, to sexuality, mental health, therapy and everything else.
“I think, for a lot of blokes, we put things in boxes and don’t ever open them and, before we know it, there’s an Everest of boxes looming in our psyches.”
As Rob delves into various topics, he consults a wide variety of people, such as psychologists, doctors, advocates, friends and other experts, across all genders and backgrounds. The anecdotes and statistics are eye-opening, and I loved how Rob incorporated his own experiences into the chapters.
“It’s funny how you can learn so much from someone, how they can pass on so many amazing things that you’ll use for the rest of your life, but how in the end the best lesson they might teach you is... Don’t be like me.”
An overall theme is the need for men to talk more, open up and allow themselves to be vulnerable. Rob leads by example and is particularly open and honest throughout. He displays an impressive level of self-awareness, and succeeded in making me feel less alone in some of my own experiences. His description of panic attacks took my breath away, and I related to aspects of his childhood too.
The chapters on friendship and alcohol were my favourites and resonated deeply.
“The irony is that so many people drink heavily to forget their worries and anxieties but in the long run it only compounds them.”
I turned my back on Australia’s problematic alcohol culture years ago. While its toxicity is explored here, I couldn’t help thinking it was sometimes part of the problem. Rob occasionally interviews subjects over beers, and men’s mental health groups literally rely on the enticement of alcohol to get men attending.
After a while, Rob starts to feel like your mate, therefore making it feel like you’re actually discussing these issues with someone. While highlighting domestic violence and all that’s toxic with male culture these days, it also gives hope for the future and I admired his optimism when dealing with grim subjects.
Subjects were discussed in such honest ways, that I soon felt better equipped to talk about these issues myself. It’s a book that got me thinking; about my own identity and where I fit into society and Australia’s idea of a bloke. Putting on a Show will help men reflect and gain better understanding of themselves, and hopefully assist others to better understand the boys and men in their lives.
It has succeeded in creating conversation, and perhaps just as importantly, it has made me want to be a better friend.
“If I have learned anything about being a man it’s to work on my communication: for my own benefit and for the benefit of my relationships.”
Many thanks to Affirm Press for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Putting on a Show has a documentary feel. Rob basically goes full-Louis-Theroux, with memoir woven into the narrative, that’s quite effective at demonstrating the issues being discussed. His exploration into the state of Aussie men today sees chapters ranging from alcohol and violence, to sexuality, mental health, therapy and everything else.
“I think, for a lot of blokes, we put things in boxes and don’t ever open them and, before we know it, there’s an Everest of boxes looming in our psyches.”
As Rob delves into various topics, he consults a wide variety of people, such as psychologists, doctors, advocates, friends and other experts, across all genders and backgrounds. The anecdotes and statistics are eye-opening, and I loved how Rob incorporated his own experiences into the chapters.
“It’s funny how you can learn so much from someone, how they can pass on so many amazing things that you’ll use for the rest of your life, but how in the end the best lesson they might teach you is... Don’t be like me.”
An overall theme is the need for men to talk more, open up and allow themselves to be vulnerable. Rob leads by example and is particularly open and honest throughout. He displays an impressive level of self-awareness, and succeeded in making me feel less alone in some of my own experiences. His description of panic attacks took my breath away, and I related to aspects of his childhood too.
The chapters on friendship and alcohol were my favourites and resonated deeply.
“The irony is that so many people drink heavily to forget their worries and anxieties but in the long run it only compounds them.”
I turned my back on Australia’s problematic alcohol culture years ago. While its toxicity is explored here, I couldn’t help thinking it was sometimes part of the problem. Rob occasionally interviews subjects over beers, and men’s mental health groups literally rely on the enticement of alcohol to get men attending.
After a while, Rob starts to feel like your mate, therefore making it feel like you’re actually discussing these issues with someone. While highlighting domestic violence and all that’s toxic with male culture these days, it also gives hope for the future and I admired his optimism when dealing with grim subjects.
Subjects were discussed in such honest ways, that I soon felt better equipped to talk about these issues myself. It’s a book that got me thinking; about my own identity and where I fit into society and Australia’s idea of a bloke. Putting on a Show will help men reflect and gain better understanding of themselves, and hopefully assist others to better understand the boys and men in their lives.
It has succeeded in creating conversation, and perhaps just as importantly, it has made me want to be a better friend.
“If I have learned anything about being a man it’s to work on my communication: for my own benefit and for the benefit of my relationships.”
Many thanks to Affirm Press for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
December 30, 2022
This themed autobiography shared revelation after revelation about masculinity. If this topic had been written by an academic, hardly anyone would read it. But when told by Rob Mills (Australian Idol contestant), it has a wholesome feel about it. I was most impressed with the style, structure, content, and angle. There was an even mixture of cited, reputable statistics, a short backstory as to why they are so important, some life anecdotes, and consultation with peers and experts.
When I started this book (thanks Rowan) I was mostly reading this as a fan and the masculinity theme as the bonus. I consider myself quite well-adjusted to the whole masculinity/not-being-masculine/not caring whether I am seen as one or the other rigmarole. But I did learn a lot about what it means to others. And the shared conditioning we experienced eg boys told not to cry, girls told to be careful. I was not bullied a lot in school but I was often called a girl as the choice insult. My parents didn’t really mind what I did however my mum’s male friends often put me down for being an emotional child. “Stop crying”, “stop being a girl”, “be a man” and other such nonsense. I think most people have similar experiences.
So the book takes one issue at a time, gives the statistic eg suicide rates in men, asks why is that so, then delves into the possibilities. It’s hard to consolidate, but mainly, men lose male friends as they age…asking a guy out for a coffee sounds weak, so it’s a beer, championing heavy drinkers, compartmentalising “she’ll be right” then when times are tough, they aren’t equipped to handle them and lack supportive networks as they mainly open up to just their partner.
There are so many other helpful aspects behind understanding masculinity: gender roles, going bald, penis size, problems in the bedroom, experimentation, not seeking help/going to doctor early and so much more. The tone is very polite and balanced. It’s usually adding brackets saying (not all men, it happens to women too) and other disarming comments. It’s very gender fluid appropriate. It doesn’t demonise men, women or anyone. Like it’ll say it’s good to be stoic in some instances, but less so if no time is taken to process it. The focus is on understanding and awareness. It discusses the benefits of having men’s groups, but doesn’t ignore rogue groups.
He spends a lot of time asking men in his life about masculinity to get different perspectives and seems to put his ideas into practise. And the importance of being vulnerable.
As I have had one too many negative experiences with the archetypal male, I must admit, I don’t really give them much of a chance. I would typically judge them, keep small talk to a minimum, conversations to an absolute minimum, and voluntary engagement as an exception. I would also find myself pressing blokey topics like the football or some sport as though to say “see, I’m not as girly as you think”, but when I’m with my girl friends, it’s always like “gossip, gossip, gossip”. While I do live happily in both worlds, the book has made me realise that I am conditioned to interact that way, and I should perhaps be the same way to everyone. I also love deep and meaningful conversations. And I now feel that male to male D&Ms can be navigated. As soon as I finished this I rang my brother and started discussing some of the themes of the book and it was a really good conversation that would not have occurred naturally for us otherwise.
I think this book would make a great present for typical males. The emphasis is on Aussie guys, so I’m not sure how relatable it is to other places, but I’d imagine it is still relevant. Great work Rob!
When I started this book (thanks Rowan) I was mostly reading this as a fan and the masculinity theme as the bonus. I consider myself quite well-adjusted to the whole masculinity/not-being-masculine/not caring whether I am seen as one or the other rigmarole. But I did learn a lot about what it means to others. And the shared conditioning we experienced eg boys told not to cry, girls told to be careful. I was not bullied a lot in school but I was often called a girl as the choice insult. My parents didn’t really mind what I did however my mum’s male friends often put me down for being an emotional child. “Stop crying”, “stop being a girl”, “be a man” and other such nonsense. I think most people have similar experiences.
So the book takes one issue at a time, gives the statistic eg suicide rates in men, asks why is that so, then delves into the possibilities. It’s hard to consolidate, but mainly, men lose male friends as they age…asking a guy out for a coffee sounds weak, so it’s a beer, championing heavy drinkers, compartmentalising “she’ll be right” then when times are tough, they aren’t equipped to handle them and lack supportive networks as they mainly open up to just their partner.
There are so many other helpful aspects behind understanding masculinity: gender roles, going bald, penis size, problems in the bedroom, experimentation, not seeking help/going to doctor early and so much more. The tone is very polite and balanced. It’s usually adding brackets saying (not all men, it happens to women too) and other disarming comments. It’s very gender fluid appropriate. It doesn’t demonise men, women or anyone. Like it’ll say it’s good to be stoic in some instances, but less so if no time is taken to process it. The focus is on understanding and awareness. It discusses the benefits of having men’s groups, but doesn’t ignore rogue groups.
He spends a lot of time asking men in his life about masculinity to get different perspectives and seems to put his ideas into practise. And the importance of being vulnerable.
As I have had one too many negative experiences with the archetypal male, I must admit, I don’t really give them much of a chance. I would typically judge them, keep small talk to a minimum, conversations to an absolute minimum, and voluntary engagement as an exception. I would also find myself pressing blokey topics like the football or some sport as though to say “see, I’m not as girly as you think”, but when I’m with my girl friends, it’s always like “gossip, gossip, gossip”. While I do live happily in both worlds, the book has made me realise that I am conditioned to interact that way, and I should perhaps be the same way to everyone. I also love deep and meaningful conversations. And I now feel that male to male D&Ms can be navigated. As soon as I finished this I rang my brother and started discussing some of the themes of the book and it was a really good conversation that would not have occurred naturally for us otherwise.
I think this book would make a great present for typical males. The emphasis is on Aussie guys, so I’m not sure how relatable it is to other places, but I’d imagine it is still relevant. Great work Rob!
October 22, 2022
I first came across Rob Mills watching Australian Idol, since then whether its school yard chats with his cousin, seeing him heading up the 1000 steps as I stumbled down, reading about his friendship and generosity to Em Rusciano, seeing multiple performances of him on stage he’s always been around.
From the outside he seems the typical knock about “aussie bloke” whatever that truly means. However what this book, and his ambassadorships with places like RUOK, and his honesty during the many many Melbourne lockdowns show is there is a real depth and honesty to him, both inwards and outwardly.
Having known incredible men young and older that have committed suicide I wish there were more people, men in particular that spoke openly about their troubles and in doing so helped themselves and helped others.
Well worth the read (or the listen in my case) it goes behind the closed doors of mens groups, provides scary statistics, gives raw accounts of stories that Rob likely wishes he could forget.
Read it, share it with friends, share it with the men and the boys in your life. Something needs to change. And conversations like these need to happen.
Well done Rob, you’ll make an incredible father one day (no pressure Tunney!)
From the outside he seems the typical knock about “aussie bloke” whatever that truly means. However what this book, and his ambassadorships with places like RUOK, and his honesty during the many many Melbourne lockdowns show is there is a real depth and honesty to him, both inwards and outwardly.
Having known incredible men young and older that have committed suicide I wish there were more people, men in particular that spoke openly about their troubles and in doing so helped themselves and helped others.
Well worth the read (or the listen in my case) it goes behind the closed doors of mens groups, provides scary statistics, gives raw accounts of stories that Rob likely wishes he could forget.
Read it, share it with friends, share it with the men and the boys in your life. Something needs to change. And conversations like these need to happen.
Well done Rob, you’ll make an incredible father one day (no pressure Tunney!)
February 3, 2023
All boys and men should read this book! All parents of boys should read this book! Even women (like me) would get something out of this book.
Super interesting, easy to read, gets you thinking and questioning how we are living our lives. I loved the combination of tales and events from Rob’s life, mixed in with findings from interviews or research.
Even after I was 1/3 of the way through I started recommending this book to my friends and family. Now that I’ve finished I’m telling everyone! Haha. I think I’ve even managed to convince my Dad to read it (he rarely reads) and I think he’ll learn a lot from it.
Thank you for a great book!
Super interesting, easy to read, gets you thinking and questioning how we are living our lives. I loved the combination of tales and events from Rob’s life, mixed in with findings from interviews or research.
Even after I was 1/3 of the way through I started recommending this book to my friends and family. Now that I’ve finished I’m telling everyone! Haha. I think I’ve even managed to convince my Dad to read it (he rarely reads) and I think he’ll learn a lot from it.
Thank you for a great book!
January 14, 2023
This is an insightful and excellently researched book on masculinity and it’s problems. However it is not all gloom and doom. It addresses ways to change and he has peppered it with his own life experience. It is touchingly honest and thoughtful. There is a lot of loving purpose here. He has interviewed some legends in the field.
A book that makes me look at the world differently and change how I relate to it is worth gold!!!!
A book that makes me look at the world differently and change how I relate to it is worth gold!!!!
January 12, 2023
As a middle aged female I don’t think I am the target audience, but really enjoyed it (listened as Audiobook) and will be strongly recommending it to all males in my life!
March 18, 2023
Funnily enough, I first knew of Rob Mills not from Australian Idol, but as villanous Neighbours character Finn Kelly. As a result, it was really interesting to see the man behind the character: He's nothing like him, that's for sure.
Mills is very open and honest about his life experiences, particularly the very harrowing ones. He ties this back to manhood and the mental health struggles men face due to societal expectations. I think Mills does a great job in bringing in an introspective side and linking it to wider societal issues.
While this book was more targeted to men, I think all genders should read this. In learning about these struggles, society will be more equipped to help men (which in turn will help women). I do hope he writes more books, because I'd like to see him tease out some of these wider issues further.
Mills is very open and honest about his life experiences, particularly the very harrowing ones. He ties this back to manhood and the mental health struggles men face due to societal expectations. I think Mills does a great job in bringing in an introspective side and linking it to wider societal issues.
While this book was more targeted to men, I think all genders should read this. In learning about these struggles, society will be more equipped to help men (which in turn will help women). I do hope he writes more books, because I'd like to see him tease out some of these wider issues further.
December 22, 2022
I always love a story of self examination and growth. Essential and easy reading for all of us but especially boys and men. This needs to go onto the school year 10 booklist around the nation. Sadly l don’t know how to get my sons to read it Rob.
June 21, 2023
Listened to the audiobook in the lead up to Rob’s author talk at my work.
Knowing I wasn’t the target audience, means I know I am not the reviewer who’s review counts for much.
Despite that, I enjoyed what this book had to say. I did go into it expecting it to be a memoir, but it is much more than that. Rob has discussions with professionals on various topics including mental health, sexuality and DV. Using these discussions and some honestly harrowing statistics regarding the lives of men in Australia, was eye opening and made the book deeper than I had anticipated.
Again, not the target audience, but it helped me bring up conversations with men in my life that I otherwise wouldn’t have had.
I look forward to hearing about Rob’s writing process and the journey he went on in putting this book to paper.
Knowing I wasn’t the target audience, means I know I am not the reviewer who’s review counts for much.
Despite that, I enjoyed what this book had to say. I did go into it expecting it to be a memoir, but it is much more than that. Rob has discussions with professionals on various topics including mental health, sexuality and DV. Using these discussions and some honestly harrowing statistics regarding the lives of men in Australia, was eye opening and made the book deeper than I had anticipated.
Again, not the target audience, but it helped me bring up conversations with men in my life that I otherwise wouldn’t have had.
I look forward to hearing about Rob’s writing process and the journey he went on in putting this book to paper.
August 13, 2023
Really enjoyed this raw insight into Rob Mills, it was nice it wasnt just fluff or ego building.
March 27, 2024
Australian actor, TV host and singer-songwriter Rob Mills reveals personal parts of his life in the context of exploring masculinity and what it means to be an Australian male in today’s changing world. He shares mistakes, wrong-thinking, and lessons he’s learnt about his mental health and interviews experts and men in the street he’s come across, asking them about their views on masculinity, wider gender roles, and strategies for gaining and maintaining a mentally fit mind. He also gives us the stats on how males measure up against females in terms of physical and mental health, life expectancy, and violence and tackles with honesty the awkward topics that men refuse to talk about like sexual dysfunction, self-image, and managing emotions.
I really appreciated this, Rob has made himself vulnerable in these pages to help other men and he’s perfectly positioned to talk about these issues being a down-to-earth, bloky guy with good mates who also happens to work with a wide range of males in the entertainment industry. It’s a really articulate and thoughtful book. Rob narrates the audiobook himself and he’s entertaining and personable throughout.
I really appreciated this, Rob has made himself vulnerable in these pages to help other men and he’s perfectly positioned to talk about these issues being a down-to-earth, bloky guy with good mates who also happens to work with a wide range of males in the entertainment industry. It’s a really articulate and thoughtful book. Rob narrates the audiobook himself and he’s entertaining and personable throughout.
March 30, 2024
Some thoughts in no particular order...
• This book is aimed squarely at the the type of Aussie man who is described in the introduction to this book – macho, loves booze, (foot)ball and boobs, and utterly devoid of inner monologue or introspection of any kind. If you've ever read any other self-help book you've probably already realised a lot of what is covered in this book.
• This book is a half-and-half: half self-help and three-quarters Rob Mills autobiography (don't do the maths on this one).
• An extension from the previous point, great pains are taken to separate "past Millsy" and "present Millsy" – "Millsy-from-the-past" is the typical knock-about Aussie block to be rejected and "Millsy-from-the-now" is essentially a perfectly balanced human.
• If "name-dropping" was a Goodreads tag this would have it. Did you know that Millsy had a threesome with Courtney Act? Did you know that Millsy briefly dated Paris Hilton? Is there anyone famous Millsy doesn't know – I'd have to say no.
• Rob Mills is a charismatic narrator (who would have thought a professional performer would be a good performer!?) and I think that elevates the experience of engaging with this book.
• This book is aimed squarely at the the type of Aussie man who is described in the introduction to this book – macho, loves booze, (foot)ball and boobs, and utterly devoid of inner monologue or introspection of any kind. If you've ever read any other self-help book you've probably already realised a lot of what is covered in this book.
• This book is a half-and-half: half self-help and three-quarters Rob Mills autobiography (don't do the maths on this one).
• An extension from the previous point, great pains are taken to separate "past Millsy" and "present Millsy" – "Millsy-from-the-past" is the typical knock-about Aussie block to be rejected and "Millsy-from-the-now" is essentially a perfectly balanced human.
• If "name-dropping" was a Goodreads tag this would have it. Did you know that Millsy had a threesome with Courtney Act? Did you know that Millsy briefly dated Paris Hilton? Is there anyone famous Millsy doesn't know – I'd have to say no.
• Rob Mills is a charismatic narrator (who would have thought a professional performer would be a good performer!?) and I think that elevates the experience of engaging with this book.
July 6, 2025
Actually a great read from a slightly more rogue and niche, not what you would expect book. Mum gave to me after she read as she wanted my thoughts as it presented challenging ideas on things like masculinity and it made her think so she passed it on to me.
Through recounting his own experiences he talks through challenging and redefining the ‘aussie bloke’ of a stoic emotionally reserved man, to someone who is comfortable in their own skin and can talk (one I can defs relate to after a lot of hard work). His ideas on mental health and being a more well rounded person are a great read and why i can defs recommend this for those reasons. It goes into some stuff that can be a bit tougher to read, when he talks about his experiences with things like threesomes with other blokes and toeing the line of sexuality, it’s good he is open about it but can be a bit of a challenging read if not expecting it (like i was). But overall having the encouragement to embrace a more holistic view of manhood that includes emotional intelligence and open communication, is something that makes this an easy recommendation on the topic.
Through recounting his own experiences he talks through challenging and redefining the ‘aussie bloke’ of a stoic emotionally reserved man, to someone who is comfortable in their own skin and can talk (one I can defs relate to after a lot of hard work). His ideas on mental health and being a more well rounded person are a great read and why i can defs recommend this for those reasons. It goes into some stuff that can be a bit tougher to read, when he talks about his experiences with things like threesomes with other blokes and toeing the line of sexuality, it’s good he is open about it but can be a bit of a challenging read if not expecting it (like i was). But overall having the encouragement to embrace a more holistic view of manhood that includes emotional intelligence and open communication, is something that makes this an easy recommendation on the topic.
September 30, 2024
5 stars for such raw honesty
This was not the book I was expecting, it was a million times better.
Millsy has unlocked a hidden gem here, providing us with biographical content while discussing masculinity, what it looks like presently, where we’ve come from and what we hope to achieve.
It brought me to tears several times. Hearing the statistics and stories from not only Millsy but others he had interviewed. I want my boyfriend to listen to this. The fact that men don’t have those in-depth feelings like women’s, the suicide rates, all of it. This is a must read for everyone, but especially men.
And thanks Millsy for shedding light to such an important subject as men’s mental health
This was not the book I was expecting, it was a million times better.
Millsy has unlocked a hidden gem here, providing us with biographical content while discussing masculinity, what it looks like presently, where we’ve come from and what we hope to achieve.
It brought me to tears several times. Hearing the statistics and stories from not only Millsy but others he had interviewed. I want my boyfriend to listen to this. The fact that men don’t have those in-depth feelings like women’s, the suicide rates, all of it. This is a must read for everyone, but especially men.
And thanks Millsy for shedding light to such an important subject as men’s mental health
January 8, 2023
This is the type of book your dad, brother, husband, son or any male in your life could benefit from reading.
January 23, 2023
Every man young or old needs to read this!!!!
January 29, 2023
3.5 stars.
March 13, 2023
Pretty well written book. Rob gives a good insight into his growth and journey with emotional and mental health challenges faced. Definitely worth a read.
March 17, 2023
A valuable insight into manhood and society (and, of course, Mills). Enjoyable read.
March 19, 2023
Powerful, thought provoking read that I highly recommend for everyone, men & women! So many great takeaways
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews