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In Search Of The World's Worst Writers
This volume is a celebration of bad writing - a journey into the lives of writers so wonderfully awful, they have unwittingly arrived at genius from the other direction.
224 pages, Paperback
First published October 2, 2000
2 people are currently reading
114 people want to read
About the author
Nick Page
199 books47 followersNick Page lives in Oxfordshire, UK, with his wife Claire, their three daughters and a dog called Bill.
As well as writing books, he works with a number of campaign groups and NGOs. He is also a popular speaker for churches, church weekends and other events. events, etc.
His main focus is on church history – particularly the early church. Recent work includes A Nearly Infallible History of Christianity, and the Longest Week trilogy.
As well as writing many books for adults (or at least those who think they are adult) he has also written many books for children.
As well as writing books, he works with a number of campaign groups and NGOs. He is also a popular speaker for churches, church weekends and other events. events, etc.
His main focus is on church history – particularly the early church. Recent work includes A Nearly Infallible History of Christianity, and the Longest Week trilogy.
As well as writing many books for adults (or at least those who think they are adult) he has also written many books for children.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
January 21, 2008
For me, it's a toss-up between two contenders for the title.
Many would give the crown to Scotland's famous "disaster poet", William Topaz McGonagall. While he is possibly best known for his chronicling of 'The Tay Bridge Disaster', and other catastrophes, I think that focusing solely on his disaster verse does him an injustice. There are his heartfelt odes to the towns and cities of his native Scotland (every town merits at least one, and trust me, not a statue or landmark goes unmentioned). Here is a fair sample:
"Bonnie Montrose"
Beautiful town of Montrose, I will now commence my lay,
And I will write in praise of thee without dismay,
And in spite of all your foes,
I will venture to call thee Bonnie Montrose.
Your beautiful Chain Bridge is magnificent to be seen,
Spanning the river Esk, a beautiful tidal stream,
Which abounds with trout and salmon,
And can be had for the catching without any gammon.
Then as for the Mid Links, it is most beautiful to be seen, And I'm sure is a very nice bowling green,
Where young men can enjoy themselves and inhale the pure air,
Emanating from the sea and the beautiful flowers there.
And as for the High Street, it's most beautiful to see,
There's no street can surpass it in the town of Dundee,
Because it is so long and wide,
That the people can pass on either side
Without jostling one another
Or going to any bother.
Beautiful town of Montrose, near by the seaside,
With your fine shops and streets so wide,
'Tis health for the people that in you reside,
Because they do inhale the pure fragrant air,
Emanating from the sea waves and shrubberies growing there;
And the inhabitants of Montrose ought to feel gay,
Because you are one of the bonniest towns in Scotland at the present day.
Who could possibly compete with that inspired drivel?
Well, it's a tough challenge, but I think a claim can be made that James McIntyre, Ontario's Chaucer of Cheese, can go eye-to-eye against the great McGonagall and not blink. Sure, he's not as prolific. But he is much, much worse.
Dairy Ode
Our muse it doth refuse to sing
Of cheese made early in the spring,
When cows give milk from spring fodder
You cannot make a good cheddar.
The quality is often vile
Of cheese that is made in April,
Therefore we think for that reason
You should make later in the season.
Cheese making you should delay
Until about the first of May.
Then cows do feed on grassy field
And rich milk they abundant yield.
Ontario cannot compete
With the Northwest in raising wheat,
For cheaper there they it can grow
So price in future may be low.
Though this a hardship it may seem,
Rejoice that you have got the cream,
In this land of milk and honey,
Where dairy farmers do make money.
Utensils must be clean and sweet,
So cheese with first class can compete,
And daily polish up milk pans,
Take pains with vats and with milk cans.
And it is important matter
To allow no stagnant water,
But water from pure well or stream
The cow must drink to give pure cream.
Canadian breeds 'tis best to pair
With breeds from the shire of Ayr,
They thrive on our Canadian feed
And are for milking splendid breed.
Though 'gainst spring cheese some do mutter,
Yet spring milk also makes bad butter,
Then there doth arise the query
How to utilize it in the dairy.
The milk it floats in great spring flood
Though it is not so rich and good,
Let us be thankful for this stream
Of milk and also curds and cream.
All dairymen their highest aims
Should be to make the vale of Thames,
Where milk doth so abundant flow,
Dairyland of Ontario.
But, who knows? Maybe you will come across your own special favorite in this delightful compendium of horrors.
Many would give the crown to Scotland's famous "disaster poet", William Topaz McGonagall. While he is possibly best known for his chronicling of 'The Tay Bridge Disaster', and other catastrophes, I think that focusing solely on his disaster verse does him an injustice. There are his heartfelt odes to the towns and cities of his native Scotland (every town merits at least one, and trust me, not a statue or landmark goes unmentioned). Here is a fair sample:
"Bonnie Montrose"
Beautiful town of Montrose, I will now commence my lay,
And I will write in praise of thee without dismay,
And in spite of all your foes,
I will venture to call thee Bonnie Montrose.
Your beautiful Chain Bridge is magnificent to be seen,
Spanning the river Esk, a beautiful tidal stream,
Which abounds with trout and salmon,
And can be had for the catching without any gammon.
Then as for the Mid Links, it is most beautiful to be seen, And I'm sure is a very nice bowling green,
Where young men can enjoy themselves and inhale the pure air,
Emanating from the sea and the beautiful flowers there.
And as for the High Street, it's most beautiful to see,
There's no street can surpass it in the town of Dundee,
Because it is so long and wide,
That the people can pass on either side
Without jostling one another
Or going to any bother.
Beautiful town of Montrose, near by the seaside,
With your fine shops and streets so wide,
'Tis health for the people that in you reside,
Because they do inhale the pure fragrant air,
Emanating from the sea waves and shrubberies growing there;
And the inhabitants of Montrose ought to feel gay,
Because you are one of the bonniest towns in Scotland at the present day.
Who could possibly compete with that inspired drivel?
Well, it's a tough challenge, but I think a claim can be made that James McIntyre, Ontario's Chaucer of Cheese, can go eye-to-eye against the great McGonagall and not blink. Sure, he's not as prolific. But he is much, much worse.
Dairy Ode
Our muse it doth refuse to sing
Of cheese made early in the spring,
When cows give milk from spring fodder
You cannot make a good cheddar.
The quality is often vile
Of cheese that is made in April,
Therefore we think for that reason
You should make later in the season.
Cheese making you should delay
Until about the first of May.
Then cows do feed on grassy field
And rich milk they abundant yield.
Ontario cannot compete
With the Northwest in raising wheat,
For cheaper there they it can grow
So price in future may be low.
Though this a hardship it may seem,
Rejoice that you have got the cream,
In this land of milk and honey,
Where dairy farmers do make money.
Utensils must be clean and sweet,
So cheese with first class can compete,
And daily polish up milk pans,
Take pains with vats and with milk cans.
And it is important matter
To allow no stagnant water,
But water from pure well or stream
The cow must drink to give pure cream.
Canadian breeds 'tis best to pair
With breeds from the shire of Ayr,
They thrive on our Canadian feed
And are for milking splendid breed.
Though 'gainst spring cheese some do mutter,
Yet spring milk also makes bad butter,
Then there doth arise the query
How to utilize it in the dairy.
The milk it floats in great spring flood
Though it is not so rich and good,
Let us be thankful for this stream
Of milk and also curds and cream.
All dairymen their highest aims
Should be to make the vale of Thames,
Where milk doth so abundant flow,
Dairyland of Ontario.
But, who knows? Maybe you will come across your own special favorite in this delightful compendium of horrors.
August 7, 2008
History, anthology, and critique of hysterically bad writing. Insipid poets, incompetent travel-writers, inept playwrights, egregious novelists - this book has them all. Whether you are reading excepts from epics to cheese, verse written in baby-talk, inane metaphors, or the impossibly alliterative pomposity of Amanda McKittrick Ros's dreadful society novels, this book will keep you laughing for hours.
Here is a sampler from the inimitable Ros, capturing the prayers of a woman made distraught by her son's attachment to a young lady whom she feels shames the memory of her deceased, or as Ros phrases it "inert husband":
"Heavenly Pater," she began, "listen to the words of a daughter of affliction, and chase, I pray Thee, instantly, the dismal perplexities that presently clog the filmy pores of her weary brain into the stream of trickling nothingness. Bind their origin with cloth of coloured shame, and restore, Thou, her equilibrium with draughts of soothing good."
This is classic rubbish, every word.
Here is a sampler from the inimitable Ros, capturing the prayers of a woman made distraught by her son's attachment to a young lady whom she feels shames the memory of her deceased, or as Ros phrases it "inert husband":
"Heavenly Pater," she began, "listen to the words of a daughter of affliction, and chase, I pray Thee, instantly, the dismal perplexities that presently clog the filmy pores of her weary brain into the stream of trickling nothingness. Bind their origin with cloth of coloured shame, and restore, Thou, her equilibrium with draughts of soothing good."
This is classic rubbish, every word.
August 2, 2013
Hilarious and memorable, can't recommend enough!!
I have a paperback copy of this book somewhere in my home and just the fact that it exists somewhere on my shelves is very comforting to me. I have read it many times over the years and its a short collection but has me hooked every time I read it. I cannot put it down and just thinking of this collection of stories and poetry that is so bad can set me off laughing.
I have a paperback copy of this book somewhere in my home and just the fact that it exists somewhere on my shelves is very comforting to me. I have read it many times over the years and its a short collection but has me hooked every time I read it. I cannot put it down and just thinking of this collection of stories and poetry that is so bad can set me off laughing.
July 31, 2009
This is a real gem of a book! I don't think I've laughed this much in years -- I was cackling maniacally for three hours and my cheeks started to hurt. I will definitely check out the author's other works. I'd recommend this especially for English majors, but anybody would find it hilarious.
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December 29, 2010I* have not read this fully it being a book to dip into. [return]Personally I have developed a soft spot for the poet who just could not stop adding footnotes. [return][return]*In this case I refers to the author of this review.
August 29, 2018
I thought this was a really, really swell idea for a book. Many parts are amusing. I do, however, wish that there was more biographical info provided about these catastrophically bad writers. Their lives are often as engaging as their work.
December 15, 2020
One of my favourite books - a real laugh.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews