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The Man in the Empty Boat
From the author of "Iron & Silk" comes a moving memoir of love and family, loss and spiritual yearning
Anxiety has always been part of Mark Salzman's life: He was born into a family as nervous as rabbits, people with extra angst coded into their genes. As a young man he found solace through martial arts, meditation, tai chi, and rigorous writing schedules, but as he approaches midlife, he confronts a year of catastrophe. First, Salzman suffers a crippling case of writer's block; then a sudden family tragedy throws his life into chaos. Overwhelmed by terrifying panic attacks, the author begins a search for equanimity that ultimately leads to an epiphany from a most unexpected source. "The Man in the Empty Boat "is a witty and touching account of a skeptic's spiritual quest, a story of one man's journey to find peace as a father, a writer, and an individual.
Anxiety has always been part of Mark Salzman's life: He was born into a family as nervous as rabbits, people with extra angst coded into their genes. As a young man he found solace through martial arts, meditation, tai chi, and rigorous writing schedules, but as he approaches midlife, he confronts a year of catastrophe. First, Salzman suffers a crippling case of writer's block; then a sudden family tragedy throws his life into chaos. Overwhelmed by terrifying panic attacks, the author begins a search for equanimity that ultimately leads to an epiphany from a most unexpected source. "The Man in the Empty Boat "is a witty and touching account of a skeptic's spiritual quest, a story of one man's journey to find peace as a father, a writer, and an individual.
180 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 6, 2011
22 people are currently reading
353 people want to read
About the author
Mark Salzman
36 books224 followersMark Salzman is an award-winning novelist and nonfiction author who has written on a variety of subjects, from a graceful novel about a Carmelite nun’s ecstatic visions and crisis of faith to a compelling memoir about growing up a misfit in a Connecticut suburb – clearly displaying a range that transcends genre. As a boy, all Salzman ever wanted was to be a Kung Fu master, but it was his proficiency on the cello that facilitated his acceptance to Yale at the age of 16. He soon changed his major to Chinese language and philosophy, which took him to mainland China where he taught English for two years and studied martial arts. He never gave up music, though, and Salzman’s cello playing appears on the soundtrack to several films, including the Academy Award-winning documentary Breathing Lessons: The Life and Work of Mark O’Brien. He has also played with Yo-Yo Ma and pianist Emanuel Ax at Lincoln Center. Salzman’s unusual combination of talents – as both a well-known author and a concert-proficient cellist – led to a feature profile about him in The New Yorker magazine. He was also recently presented with the Algonquin West Hollywood Literary Award.
A number of Mark Salzman’s books have been chosen for “book in common” reading programs by more than a few schools and universities for their elegance, humor, and portrayal of our shared humanity. His first memoir, Iron and Silk, inspired by his years in China, was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in nonfiction and received the Christopher Award. His book True Notebooks is a fascinating look at his experiences as a writing teacher at Los Angeles Central Juvenile Hall, a lockup for violent teenage offenders. Salzman is also the author of the memoir Lost in Place: Growing Up Absurd in Suburbia, and the novels The Laughing Sutra, The Soloist, and Lying Awake. Common to each of his works is a theme of how people struggle to reach an ideal but often fall short, and the quiet change that takes place in facing the discouragement and the possibility of never achieving their goal. Salzman writes with gut-wrenching honesty and unalloyed warmth, combined with a sharp sense of humor.
A number of Mark Salzman’s books have been chosen for “book in common” reading programs by more than a few schools and universities for their elegance, humor, and portrayal of our shared humanity. His first memoir, Iron and Silk, inspired by his years in China, was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in nonfiction and received the Christopher Award. His book True Notebooks is a fascinating look at his experiences as a writing teacher at Los Angeles Central Juvenile Hall, a lockup for violent teenage offenders. Salzman is also the author of the memoir Lost in Place: Growing Up Absurd in Suburbia, and the novels The Laughing Sutra, The Soloist, and Lying Awake. Common to each of his works is a theme of how people struggle to reach an ideal but often fall short, and the quiet change that takes place in facing the discouragement and the possibility of never achieving their goal. Salzman writes with gut-wrenching honesty and unalloyed warmth, combined with a sharp sense of humor.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
October 12, 2017
I am having a little trouble sorting out my reactions to this 2012 memoir. I had just finished his 1995 book Lost In Place, and thought it would be a good idea to dive right into this one. Maybe I should have waited a bit first, I don't know.
The writing was as smooth as in all his books, but somehow I could not connect with Salzman here. The first few chapters are a review, sort of like reading a synopsis of the book I had just finished. Then he talks about his marriage, having children, ideas of nature versus nurture (would his children grow up as scared of life as he seemed to be?!), struggling with writer's block, dealing with the loss of his mother, the illness and loss of his sister, having anxiety attacks at the age of 49. And getting a family dog when he really doesn't want one.
The whole book is honest and soul-searching, sharing in sometimes excruciating detail the events of the worst year of his life. But for whatever reason by the final page I felt further away from Salzman than I had when I started the book. I became annoyed with him for still agonizing over the same questions he had faced as a teenager. I suppose I expected him to have figured Life out a little more in the years since the earlier book.
That was not a fair expectation; we all have different time lines for understanding The Big Picture, and some of us never work out the answers to all the tough questions we run into over the years. Maybe we aren't supposed to, who knows. All I know right this minute is that the next book I read needs to be less depressing, and I sincerely hope that at some point during the remainder of Salzman's life he learns to live with joy and is able to write about it.
The writing was as smooth as in all his books, but somehow I could not connect with Salzman here. The first few chapters are a review, sort of like reading a synopsis of the book I had just finished. Then he talks about his marriage, having children, ideas of nature versus nurture (would his children grow up as scared of life as he seemed to be?!), struggling with writer's block, dealing with the loss of his mother, the illness and loss of his sister, having anxiety attacks at the age of 49. And getting a family dog when he really doesn't want one.
The whole book is honest and soul-searching, sharing in sometimes excruciating detail the events of the worst year of his life. But for whatever reason by the final page I felt further away from Salzman than I had when I started the book. I became annoyed with him for still agonizing over the same questions he had faced as a teenager. I suppose I expected him to have figured Life out a little more in the years since the earlier book.
That was not a fair expectation; we all have different time lines for understanding The Big Picture, and some of us never work out the answers to all the tough questions we run into over the years. Maybe we aren't supposed to, who knows. All I know right this minute is that the next book I read needs to be less depressing, and I sincerely hope that at some point during the remainder of Salzman's life he learns to live with joy and is able to write about it.
July 14, 2022
“What makes a life successful? I’ve always thought it boiled down to wisdom and effort—but mainly effort. You succeed when you make the right choices and muster up sufficient effort to do what you want to do, learn what you want to learn, and become what you want to become. What is always at stake when you set out to do something important is your integrity, which I define as how you measure up in terms of accepting responsibility for your own destiny—and then not screwing it up.”
Mark Salzman’s self-analytical and touching account of a stressful year in his life. He has always been anxious and consumed with finding meaning in human existence. At an early age, he explored Chinese philosophy and martial arts. He speaks of his relationship with his wife and the ups and downs of family life. He tells personal stories in an engaging way.
The bulk of the narrative deals in a forthright manner with his experience of panic attacks, the tragic death of his sister, and how he eventually finds a sense of acceptance. I appreciate his self-deprecating humor. It provides a needed respite from some of the more emotionally wrenching content. I think the first two sections are stronger than the third, but overall, it is a well written and thought-provoking memoir.
Mark Salzman’s self-analytical and touching account of a stressful year in his life. He has always been anxious and consumed with finding meaning in human existence. At an early age, he explored Chinese philosophy and martial arts. He speaks of his relationship with his wife and the ups and downs of family life. He tells personal stories in an engaging way.
The bulk of the narrative deals in a forthright manner with his experience of panic attacks, the tragic death of his sister, and how he eventually finds a sense of acceptance. I appreciate his self-deprecating humor. It provides a needed respite from some of the more emotionally wrenching content. I think the first two sections are stronger than the third, but overall, it is a well written and thought-provoking memoir.
September 29, 2012
Mark Salzman is one of my favorite living writers. His stories, whether novels or memoirs, are charming and wonderful, often hilariously funny, but deeply touching, too, and important. Not just frivolous or fluffy. This latest one of his was no exception. We really see the world in very different ways, he and I, yet he has the ability to reach me, to show me the familiar, to make me care. I recognize me in him. I think that is perhaps one of the most important ways I connect with an author, or they with me, is when their writing causes me to recognize myself, to identify with the characters in the story.
When he talked about his writing, how hard it was for him, I recognized that too. And yet what he publishes is always marvelous. There were several times when I just laughed and laughed out loud while reading this one. And maybe it's precisely because he doesn't have things all sewed up neatly for us, because he still is astonished and a bit bowled over by life, that his writing is so refreshing and lovely. He reminds me a lot of Nevil Shute, one of my favorite dead writers.
In Mark's case, his realization happened because of a dog fart, but the principle is the same.
When he talked about his writing, how hard it was for him, I recognized that too. And yet what he publishes is always marvelous. There were several times when I just laughed and laughed out loud while reading this one. And maybe it's precisely because he doesn't have things all sewed up neatly for us, because he still is astonished and a bit bowled over by life, that his writing is so refreshing and lovely. He reminds me a lot of Nevil Shute, one of my favorite dead writers.
In Mark's case, his realization happened because of a dog fart, but the principle is the same.
August 30, 2018
Ok that was a heck of a read. One sitting. Intense, poignant, tears... no words do it justice. Thank goodness for the dashes of humor and sprinklings of joy. And the pictures at the end are a marvelous bonus.
Not the most supremely careful write.. iow, some awkward turns of phrase, some insights insufficiently explained... but tons of heart. Reminds me a bit of my fave, Michael Perry.
Ever since my son was assigned Iron and Silk in high school and immediately recommended it to me, I've enjoyed Salzman's memoirs. I really should give one of his novels a chance.
Not the most supremely careful write.. iow, some awkward turns of phrase, some insights insufficiently explained... but tons of heart. Reminds me a bit of my fave, Michael Perry.
Ever since my son was assigned Iron and Silk in high school and immediately recommended it to me, I've enjoyed Salzman's memoirs. I really should give one of his novels a chance.
July 12, 2016
What does a writer do when the muse abandons him? Sometimes, he turns to material closer to home; he mines it for meaning, and fashions it into a work of art. This is what Mark Salzman has done in The Man in the Empty Boat, an engaging, poignant, and wise memoir of his worst year.
In 2009 Salzman, author of a successful personal narrative about China and “niche-y novels” (as he puts it) “about weirdos with weird problems leading weird lives,” was working on a piece of historical fiction set in medieval Mongolia. He had spent the previous few years as a stay-at-home dad, caretaker to two young daughters, while his “more talented” documentary-filmmaker wife continued in her more talented course. Fatherhood was a joyful experience for Salzman, and he optimistically believed that staying at home would afford him the time and flexibility to write. It did not. His mind had turned to mush, and even when his daughters grew more independent, the story he had been crafting for some years simply wouldn’t gel. Radical literary surgery couldn’t save it either. As it happened, Salzman’s artistic impasse was the prelude to the year of disasters large and small that he documents in The Man in the Empty Boat.
Early on in the book, the author relates the two-thousand year old Taoist story from which the book takes its title. A man is not angered when his boat is struck by an empty one drifting on the river. If someone is in the other boat, however, the same man will shout and curse repeatedly, apparently believing that the collision is intentional. “If a man could make himself empty, and pass like that [empty boat] through the world,” goes the story, “who could harm him?”
Salzman’s memoir goes on to consider three jarring life “collisions” that occurred during the course of 2009. First were the debilitating panic attacks. The violent inner storms of nervous and biochemical energy that erupted within him that year were so intense that he thought he might be dying and made his way to the hospital’s emergency department. After receiving a diagnosis, he ironically found that the more determined his attempts to relax, the more intense and distressing were the panic attacks. His symptoms ultimately subsided only when he was able to regard them in the detached manner of a scientist conducting an experiment—that is, when he was able to empty himself enough to observe.
The sudden hospitalization and tragic death of Salzman’s younger sister, Rachel, an apparently physically healthy young wife and mother of two, is the second wrenching experience considered in the book. Rachel, too, Salzman learned, had been no stranger to intense bouts of anxiety. When he traveled to Connecticut to care for her young children during her illness, he found among her books works by Eastern thinkers and the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. Rachel had tellingly marked passages counseling against “quarreling with circumstances” and “rebellion against nature.”
The final, least successful, third part of the memoir concerns Salzman’s reluctant acceptance of a rescue dog into his home. Never a lover of dogs, he was resistant to his wife’s arguments that he would take to a dog just as he had taken to fatherhood. While full conversion never occurs, the dog’s passing wind one day (while Salzman is in the throes of angst-ridden rumination about the impermanence of life) does offer him an epiphany. The epiphany in turn provides him with the writerly opportunity to bring his book full circle to the Taoist story that the memoir begins with. Like the empty boat, the dog’s behavior is not purposeful. The dog’s moods, intentions, and actions are determined by circumstance—the sum of all past and present conditions affecting her, from biology, genetic inheritance, and conditioning, to current environment. Salzman’s annoyance with her, then, is ill advised. He goes on to show that the analogy can be extended. We humans, too, are acted upon impersonally. We owe feelings, thoughts, and actions to a web of causality, the strands of which we cannot fully control.
Throughout the memoir, Salzman links the events of 2009 to earlier life experiences. A conversation with a friend makes him muse on the limits of our ability to choose and fully control who we want to be. Parents, after all, pass on their genes, and their beliefs and actions play crucial roles in our early development. Salzman suggests that his upbringing by “faith-challenged” parents who turned to art for a sense of meaning along with his apparent genetic inheritance of anxiety and despair were certainly critical factors in the formation of his person. “If the Salzman family had a coat of arms,” he quips at one point, “it would be a shield with a face on it and the face would look worried.” Carefully selected anecdotes about funny, oddly poignant childhood and adolescent experiences point to Salzman’s having been what psychologist Jerome Kagan (in his studies of temperament in early childhood) might have identified as a “high reactive” type.
The Man in the Empty Boat not a misery memoir. Just as self-irony appears to go some way toward lightening the burden of Salzman’s emotional inheritance, it also brings lightness and comic relief to the reader’s experience of what could have been a somber personal narrative. Humor abounds, and there is grace, compassion, and forgiveness, too. I never once felt I was given more information than I cared to have. There were no squalid details, no maudlin riffs, no blaming of parents or spouse. The only false notes I detected were in the sections concerning the rescue mutt. The lists of complaints against dogs’ loud, rude habits try just a little too hard to be humorous, and Salzman’s assertion that his life was in the end “changed forever by the sound of a dog farting” feels forced. But this a minor quibble easily forgiven when placed against a life lesson offered so warmly and sincerely. I appreciated the journey Salzman took me on in his memoir and the message about how I too might look at life when my own boat collides.
Highly recommended.
I thank NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an advance copy of this book.
In 2009 Salzman, author of a successful personal narrative about China and “niche-y novels” (as he puts it) “about weirdos with weird problems leading weird lives,” was working on a piece of historical fiction set in medieval Mongolia. He had spent the previous few years as a stay-at-home dad, caretaker to two young daughters, while his “more talented” documentary-filmmaker wife continued in her more talented course. Fatherhood was a joyful experience for Salzman, and he optimistically believed that staying at home would afford him the time and flexibility to write. It did not. His mind had turned to mush, and even when his daughters grew more independent, the story he had been crafting for some years simply wouldn’t gel. Radical literary surgery couldn’t save it either. As it happened, Salzman’s artistic impasse was the prelude to the year of disasters large and small that he documents in The Man in the Empty Boat.
Early on in the book, the author relates the two-thousand year old Taoist story from which the book takes its title. A man is not angered when his boat is struck by an empty one drifting on the river. If someone is in the other boat, however, the same man will shout and curse repeatedly, apparently believing that the collision is intentional. “If a man could make himself empty, and pass like that [empty boat] through the world,” goes the story, “who could harm him?”
Salzman’s memoir goes on to consider three jarring life “collisions” that occurred during the course of 2009. First were the debilitating panic attacks. The violent inner storms of nervous and biochemical energy that erupted within him that year were so intense that he thought he might be dying and made his way to the hospital’s emergency department. After receiving a diagnosis, he ironically found that the more determined his attempts to relax, the more intense and distressing were the panic attacks. His symptoms ultimately subsided only when he was able to regard them in the detached manner of a scientist conducting an experiment—that is, when he was able to empty himself enough to observe.
The sudden hospitalization and tragic death of Salzman’s younger sister, Rachel, an apparently physically healthy young wife and mother of two, is the second wrenching experience considered in the book. Rachel, too, Salzman learned, had been no stranger to intense bouts of anxiety. When he traveled to Connecticut to care for her young children during her illness, he found among her books works by Eastern thinkers and the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. Rachel had tellingly marked passages counseling against “quarreling with circumstances” and “rebellion against nature.”
The final, least successful, third part of the memoir concerns Salzman’s reluctant acceptance of a rescue dog into his home. Never a lover of dogs, he was resistant to his wife’s arguments that he would take to a dog just as he had taken to fatherhood. While full conversion never occurs, the dog’s passing wind one day (while Salzman is in the throes of angst-ridden rumination about the impermanence of life) does offer him an epiphany. The epiphany in turn provides him with the writerly opportunity to bring his book full circle to the Taoist story that the memoir begins with. Like the empty boat, the dog’s behavior is not purposeful. The dog’s moods, intentions, and actions are determined by circumstance—the sum of all past and present conditions affecting her, from biology, genetic inheritance, and conditioning, to current environment. Salzman’s annoyance with her, then, is ill advised. He goes on to show that the analogy can be extended. We humans, too, are acted upon impersonally. We owe feelings, thoughts, and actions to a web of causality, the strands of which we cannot fully control.
Throughout the memoir, Salzman links the events of 2009 to earlier life experiences. A conversation with a friend makes him muse on the limits of our ability to choose and fully control who we want to be. Parents, after all, pass on their genes, and their beliefs and actions play crucial roles in our early development. Salzman suggests that his upbringing by “faith-challenged” parents who turned to art for a sense of meaning along with his apparent genetic inheritance of anxiety and despair were certainly critical factors in the formation of his person. “If the Salzman family had a coat of arms,” he quips at one point, “it would be a shield with a face on it and the face would look worried.” Carefully selected anecdotes about funny, oddly poignant childhood and adolescent experiences point to Salzman’s having been what psychologist Jerome Kagan (in his studies of temperament in early childhood) might have identified as a “high reactive” type.
The Man in the Empty Boat not a misery memoir. Just as self-irony appears to go some way toward lightening the burden of Salzman’s emotional inheritance, it also brings lightness and comic relief to the reader’s experience of what could have been a somber personal narrative. Humor abounds, and there is grace, compassion, and forgiveness, too. I never once felt I was given more information than I cared to have. There were no squalid details, no maudlin riffs, no blaming of parents or spouse. The only false notes I detected were in the sections concerning the rescue mutt. The lists of complaints against dogs’ loud, rude habits try just a little too hard to be humorous, and Salzman’s assertion that his life was in the end “changed forever by the sound of a dog farting” feels forced. But this a minor quibble easily forgiven when placed against a life lesson offered so warmly and sincerely. I appreciated the journey Salzman took me on in his memoir and the message about how I too might look at life when my own boat collides.
Highly recommended.
I thank NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an advance copy of this book.
January 4, 2016
Marc Saltzman and I ended up taking similar paths in life - both of us studied abroad in China, both of us suffer from occasional bouts of anxiety, both of us are writers (well, he is, I merely just aspire to be one.) So I found a lot to like and relate to in this, his most recent book, which is an ode to pushing through writer's block and dealing with one's personal demons.
Saltzman hits the nail on the head when he describes anxiety as a migraine-inducing feeling of uncomfort that sometimes cannot be broken by the typical methods of yoga, meditation, etc. In his case, it took the tragic death of his sister and the sudden acquisition of a pet to shake him from his belief that the world was conspiring to get him and things would only get worse. I've been in similar places myself where blown-out-of-proportion worries have exploded in my brain to the point where I can't think about anything else for months on end, only to suddenly be swept away into relaxation by the unlikeliest and most unexpected triggers. So it was great to read that I wasn't alone, and Saltzman does such a wonderful job of elucidating on his panic attacks with just the right amount of self-deprecation and reflection that The Man in the Empty Boat becomes a very funny read as well as a touching one.
I urge anyone who's stressed out or feeling down to read this - it's written in a breezy style that only took me two days to push though. If you've never heard of Marc Salzman before (he himself says that he's a niche-y kinda guy who writes niche-y kinda novels) then I also recommend reading his earlier works alongside this one, especially Iron & Silk, Lost in Place and True Notebooks.
Saltzman hits the nail on the head when he describes anxiety as a migraine-inducing feeling of uncomfort that sometimes cannot be broken by the typical methods of yoga, meditation, etc. In his case, it took the tragic death of his sister and the sudden acquisition of a pet to shake him from his belief that the world was conspiring to get him and things would only get worse. I've been in similar places myself where blown-out-of-proportion worries have exploded in my brain to the point where I can't think about anything else for months on end, only to suddenly be swept away into relaxation by the unlikeliest and most unexpected triggers. So it was great to read that I wasn't alone, and Saltzman does such a wonderful job of elucidating on his panic attacks with just the right amount of self-deprecation and reflection that The Man in the Empty Boat becomes a very funny read as well as a touching one.
I urge anyone who's stressed out or feeling down to read this - it's written in a breezy style that only took me two days to push though. If you've never heard of Marc Salzman before (he himself says that he's a niche-y kinda guy who writes niche-y kinda novels) then I also recommend reading his earlier works alongside this one, especially Iron & Silk, Lost in Place and True Notebooks.
Read
June 4, 2020Very thought-provoking; a short memoir about many things.
August 10, 2013
I first encountered Mark Salzman's writing when participating in a memoir writers' critique group that met over a period of a couple years. The group leader suggested
Lost in Place
as a good example of the genre. I thought it was a wonderful book (my comments are at that link), and (after finishing my own memoir) went on to read his other works.
Along the way I decided that Salzman is a writer whom I would particularly enjoy meeting and getting to know. Perhaps that's because, as he mentions in this more recent memoir, his characters, real and fictional alike, are "tormented by the gap between who they actually are and who they had hoped to become." It's likely that everybody in the modern age experiences that disconnect to some degree. I certainly do. In this book he shows, more explicitly than before, and with much humor at his own expense, that it's true of himself. His achievements, while pretty darned impressive from where I sit, do not impress him.
To some extent, that's due to having set rather lofty goals. He says, regarding his adolescent ambition of attaining true enlightenment: "Wise people adjust their expectations. They stop comparing themselves to Buddha or Batman and trust themselves to achieve their personal best. Not me; I was not going to capitulate ... I was not going to be a quitter."
That is precisely the way I felt about a campaign I waged for several years to rescue my little boy from a mysterious developmental disability. Didn't matter how difficult the task became, or how many discouraging comments I heard. I intended for us to reach our objective!
Popular culture encourages that kind of thinking, through all the familiar stories about the underdog who finally prevails against overwhelming odds. And I'm not prepared to say that's a bad thing. We should hitch our wagon to a star.
But somehow we also need to find a perspective that allows us to survive reality without coming unglued. Maintaining that perspective requires work every day, and some days a lot of work. The Man in the Empty Boat focuses mainly on 2009, an unusually difficult year for Salzman (and for me, come to think of it). During that year he began suffering debilitating panic attacks (although he didn't know what was happening and reasonably supposed death could be imminent), he was compelled by the family to accept a very objectionable pet into his life, and worst of all he witnessed his sister's death, described here in agonizing detail. At the lowest point, he admits:
"At that moment, I asked myself: If there was a button I could press, and I knew that pressing it would make every human being on the planet disappear instantly, painlessly, forever, without a trace, so that the whole bonfire of fear and hope and confusion and pain would be over with, once and for all--would I press it? My own children, I reminded myself, would dissolve along with everyone else. Everything dear to me, and everything dear to everyone else would disappear. So would beauty, courage, love, tenderness, curiosity, ambition, art, science, technology, history, knowledge, consciousness--all of it would be erased. Would I press that button?
God yes, I thought. I would press it in a heartbeat. And I felt truly sorry that no such button existed."
He returns to that thought in the concluding chapters, first using it as a framework for a new understanding of life (actually, we are all in the process of disappearing--albeit very slowly) and finally, after considerable thought, promising that the button has lost its appeal.
One admirable aspect of Salzman's life that he scarcely mentions here is his music. According to his official biography, ability to play the cello facilitated his acceptance to Yale at age 16, and he has played with Yo-Yo Ma at Lincoln Center. (By way of contrast, a recent blog post covers what I've done with music.) I'm also envious of his fluency in Mandarin (my progress in that language plateaued long ago) and, to be blunt, of the fact that money doesn't appear to be too much of a consideration in the life portrayed here. I suppose, in wishing to know him, I really want to understand the path to enjoying the blessings he has, even if more would have been nice.
But sometimes, at least, answers come unexpectedly, from unlikely sources. One clue presents itself at the end of The Man in the Empty Boat, conveyed with Salzman's trademark humor and reliably vivid writing. I now think he has spelled it all out as clearly as is possible.
Along the way I decided that Salzman is a writer whom I would particularly enjoy meeting and getting to know. Perhaps that's because, as he mentions in this more recent memoir, his characters, real and fictional alike, are "tormented by the gap between who they actually are and who they had hoped to become." It's likely that everybody in the modern age experiences that disconnect to some degree. I certainly do. In this book he shows, more explicitly than before, and with much humor at his own expense, that it's true of himself. His achievements, while pretty darned impressive from where I sit, do not impress him.
To some extent, that's due to having set rather lofty goals. He says, regarding his adolescent ambition of attaining true enlightenment: "Wise people adjust their expectations. They stop comparing themselves to Buddha or Batman and trust themselves to achieve their personal best. Not me; I was not going to capitulate ... I was not going to be a quitter."
That is precisely the way I felt about a campaign I waged for several years to rescue my little boy from a mysterious developmental disability. Didn't matter how difficult the task became, or how many discouraging comments I heard. I intended for us to reach our objective!
Popular culture encourages that kind of thinking, through all the familiar stories about the underdog who finally prevails against overwhelming odds. And I'm not prepared to say that's a bad thing. We should hitch our wagon to a star.
But somehow we also need to find a perspective that allows us to survive reality without coming unglued. Maintaining that perspective requires work every day, and some days a lot of work. The Man in the Empty Boat focuses mainly on 2009, an unusually difficult year for Salzman (and for me, come to think of it). During that year he began suffering debilitating panic attacks (although he didn't know what was happening and reasonably supposed death could be imminent), he was compelled by the family to accept a very objectionable pet into his life, and worst of all he witnessed his sister's death, described here in agonizing detail. At the lowest point, he admits:
"At that moment, I asked myself: If there was a button I could press, and I knew that pressing it would make every human being on the planet disappear instantly, painlessly, forever, without a trace, so that the whole bonfire of fear and hope and confusion and pain would be over with, once and for all--would I press it? My own children, I reminded myself, would dissolve along with everyone else. Everything dear to me, and everything dear to everyone else would disappear. So would beauty, courage, love, tenderness, curiosity, ambition, art, science, technology, history, knowledge, consciousness--all of it would be erased. Would I press that button?
God yes, I thought. I would press it in a heartbeat. And I felt truly sorry that no such button existed."
He returns to that thought in the concluding chapters, first using it as a framework for a new understanding of life (actually, we are all in the process of disappearing--albeit very slowly) and finally, after considerable thought, promising that the button has lost its appeal.
One admirable aspect of Salzman's life that he scarcely mentions here is his music. According to his official biography, ability to play the cello facilitated his acceptance to Yale at age 16, and he has played with Yo-Yo Ma at Lincoln Center. (By way of contrast, a recent blog post covers what I've done with music.) I'm also envious of his fluency in Mandarin (my progress in that language plateaued long ago) and, to be blunt, of the fact that money doesn't appear to be too much of a consideration in the life portrayed here. I suppose, in wishing to know him, I really want to understand the path to enjoying the blessings he has, even if more would have been nice.
But sometimes, at least, answers come unexpectedly, from unlikely sources. One clue presents itself at the end of The Man in the Empty Boat, conveyed with Salzman's trademark humor and reliably vivid writing. I now think he has spelled it all out as clearly as is possible.
February 18, 2012
"If a man in a boat is crossing a river and an empty boat drifts along and bumps into his, he won’t get angry. But if there is someone in the other boat, then the man will shout out directions to move. …If a man could make himself empty, and pass like that through the world, then who could harm him?"
Mark Salzman’s ebook The Man in the Empty Boat (Open Road Media, 2012), the author’s first work since 2003, is an honest, humble account of his own shortcomings, existential crises and how he makes sense of a world that doesn’t.
From page one, Salzman draws in his readers with his telling of his “worst year,” when-plagued by writer’s block- his plan to be a stay-at-home dad doesn’t quite help him achieve his writing goals. When the writer starts experiencing panic attacks and his sister is stricken with a fatal case of pneumonia, it’s all the anxious, depressed and despairing Salzman can do to continue to be there for his family.
An avid lover of Chinese martial arts and Eastern thought, the memoir takes its name from the above Taoist proverb and provides Salzman with the allegorical framework for his own enlightenment. However, try as he might, the “empty boat” scenario doesn’t work for the author: “It’s a wonderful allegory, but it brings us right back to Paradox World: The harder you try to make yourself empty, the more full of yourself you become.”
Until, that is, the would-be animal lover spends a week away with the family dog. Sitting in solitude, with no other company than his clueless canine, Salzman’s unexpected cathartic moment transpires in the wake of the dog’s fart.
“then she farted a third time, and by then my panic symptoms were gone. That’s when I had the idea that changed the way I feel about humans: The dog’s not the only empty boat in this room. Count me in…Everything including my own thoughts, seemed to be driven by a kind of impersonal momentum, the way gravity drives the planets through their orbit or the way instinct drives birds to migrate according to the seasons…My lifelong desire to gain control over my own mind, and therefore my own destiny, had been as misguided as my attempts to make my book about a nun a bestseller.”
What makes this thoughtful memoir so poignant for me is the way Salzman is able to weave great significance into the mundane experiences of his life. We see these events come together at the end of the work, tracking right along with Salzman in the euphoric moments when we realize their significance.
Through his self-deprecating and frank storytelling, Salzman appeals to the insecurity and search for meaning in all of us. Even the author’s atheism, a topic he unabashedly unpacks throughout the work, adds to his spiritual quest to discover something grander than himself, if only that be the realization that he is not in control. Salzman “empties” himself onto the page, entrusting the reader with his candid and admittedly imperfect thoughts.
I am privileged to have experienced such a refreshingly humble yet hopeful take on human existence.
Mark Salzman’s ebook The Man in the Empty Boat (Open Road Media, 2012), the author’s first work since 2003, is an honest, humble account of his own shortcomings, existential crises and how he makes sense of a world that doesn’t.
From page one, Salzman draws in his readers with his telling of his “worst year,” when-plagued by writer’s block- his plan to be a stay-at-home dad doesn’t quite help him achieve his writing goals. When the writer starts experiencing panic attacks and his sister is stricken with a fatal case of pneumonia, it’s all the anxious, depressed and despairing Salzman can do to continue to be there for his family.
An avid lover of Chinese martial arts and Eastern thought, the memoir takes its name from the above Taoist proverb and provides Salzman with the allegorical framework for his own enlightenment. However, try as he might, the “empty boat” scenario doesn’t work for the author: “It’s a wonderful allegory, but it brings us right back to Paradox World: The harder you try to make yourself empty, the more full of yourself you become.”
Until, that is, the would-be animal lover spends a week away with the family dog. Sitting in solitude, with no other company than his clueless canine, Salzman’s unexpected cathartic moment transpires in the wake of the dog’s fart.
“then she farted a third time, and by then my panic symptoms were gone. That’s when I had the idea that changed the way I feel about humans: The dog’s not the only empty boat in this room. Count me in…Everything including my own thoughts, seemed to be driven by a kind of impersonal momentum, the way gravity drives the planets through their orbit or the way instinct drives birds to migrate according to the seasons…My lifelong desire to gain control over my own mind, and therefore my own destiny, had been as misguided as my attempts to make my book about a nun a bestseller.”
What makes this thoughtful memoir so poignant for me is the way Salzman is able to weave great significance into the mundane experiences of his life. We see these events come together at the end of the work, tracking right along with Salzman in the euphoric moments when we realize their significance.
Through his self-deprecating and frank storytelling, Salzman appeals to the insecurity and search for meaning in all of us. Even the author’s atheism, a topic he unabashedly unpacks throughout the work, adds to his spiritual quest to discover something grander than himself, if only that be the realization that he is not in control. Salzman “empties” himself onto the page, entrusting the reader with his candid and admittedly imperfect thoughts.
I am privileged to have experienced such a refreshingly humble yet hopeful take on human existence.
January 22, 2012
A touching and at times humorous memoir of the author's battle with anxiety, writer's block and his sister's tragedy. Having read 'Iron and Silk', 'The Soloist', 'True Notebooks' and having attended one of the author's book reading sessions in Cambridge during his book tour for Lying AWake, I hadn't thought the writing journey was such an arduous one for the author.
I love how he brings us into the joy and love of family ... even if the family eventually has to include a dog with special needs. And I had to laugh at his description of the increasingly frequent panic attacks that struck him, before he was properly diagnosed. And I grieved along with him when he spoke of his sister's failing health and her children he embraced and folded under his loving wings while their father tried to keep their business afloat and be at the hospital with her.
Understanding and finding peace within oneself is the quest that the author tries to share with us and the source he ultimately learns from makes for a nice surprise.
I love how he brings us into the joy and love of family ... even if the family eventually has to include a dog with special needs. And I had to laugh at his description of the increasingly frequent panic attacks that struck him, before he was properly diagnosed. And I grieved along with him when he spoke of his sister's failing health and her children he embraced and folded under his loving wings while their father tried to keep their business afloat and be at the hospital with her.
Understanding and finding peace within oneself is the quest that the author tries to share with us and the source he ultimately learns from makes for a nice surprise.
March 26, 2012
This is a outstanding book. I was so touched by the author's experiences. It made me want to go back and read all his other works. His descriptions of the emotions surrounding his sister's illness were remarkable. I could really feel it with him and his family. I will definitely recommend this book to everyone. It is important to be able to learn how others weather these storms. Similar crises will come to us if we are lucky enough to live that long. And it is always good to have a touchstone from which to find words of comfort when friends encounter troubles. This is that touchstone. I am grateful that this author was willing to share so completely.
March 19, 2012
I couldn't put this down. Salzman crafts his angst, fear and loss in ways most familiar. He characterizes anguish with humor and takes the reader through the motions of caring for another at the frantic (too young) end of his sister's life. What compassion and love. I only wish the "redemption" was more intense. His scientific mind is not prone to letting go of perfectionism. Don't we all know how hard it can be?
October 15, 2018
I've enjoyed many of Mark Salzman's books. This was more of a personal memoir, explaining various neurotic tendencies that he has. The heart of the book details his sister's death, really from a hospital caused infection that was not diagnosed until after she died. But it raised the stark issue of how to come to terms (again) with the meaning of life and his actually successful answer to this question.
August 22, 2014
I loved this book and want to read more by Mark Salzman.
October 4, 2015
This little book has a lot to offer.
June 8, 2023
I love buying and reading these types of books.
Boats, yachts, historical events and books about the sea are generally excellent. If there are sequels in your series, I would love to read them.
The beauties of owning the books of important authors cannot be discussed. I'm looking forward to your new books.
For friends who want to read this book, I leave the importance of reading a book here. I wish good luck to the sellers and customers...
Top 10 benefits of reading for all ages:
1. Reading Exercises the Brain
As we read, we need to remember the different characters and settings of a particular story. Even if you enjoy reading a book in one sitting, you need to remember the details during the time you devote to reading the book. Therefore, reading is an exercise for your brain that improves memory function.
2. Reading Is a (free) Form of Entertainment
Did you know that most of the popular TV series and movies are based on books? So why not indulge in the original form of entertainment by immersing yourself in reading? Most importantly, it's free with your Markham Public Library card.
3. Reading Improves Concentration and Focus
We all agree that there can be no reading without focus, and we need to concentrate on every page we read to fully understand the story. In a world where gadgets only speed up and shorten our attention span, we must constantly practice concentration and focus. Reading is one of the few activities that requires your undivided attention, so it improves your ability to concentrate.
4. Reading Improves Literacy
Have you ever read a book where you come across a word you don't know? Books have the power to improve your vocabulary by introducing you to new words. The more you read, the more your vocabulary will improve as well as your ability to communicate effectively. Also, reading improves writing skills by helping the reader understand and learn different writing styles.
5. Reading Improves Sleep
By creating a bedtime routine that includes reading, you can signal to your body that it's time to sleep. Now more than ever, we rely on increased screen time to get through the day. That's why you put your phone away and pick up a book and tell your brain it's time to calm down. Also, since reading helps you relieve stress, reading right before bed helps calm your mind and anxiety and improve your sleep quality.
6. Reading Increases General Knowledge
Books are always full of fun and interesting facts. Whether we read fiction or non-fiction, books have the ability to provide us with information we might not otherwise know. Reading various topics can make you a more knowledgeable person and therefore improve your speaking skills.
7. Reading Is Motivating
By reading books about heroes overcoming adversity, we are often encouraged to do the same. Whether it's a romance novel or a self-help book, the right book can motivate you to never give up and stay positive.
https://numberoneboats.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/burns-craft-...
https://numberoneboats.com/burns-craf...
https://theboatyacht.com/krogen-silho...
https://numberoneboats.com/krogen-sil...
Boats, yachts, historical events and books about the sea are generally excellent. If there are sequels in your series, I would love to read them.
The beauties of owning the books of important authors cannot be discussed. I'm looking forward to your new books.
For friends who want to read this book, I leave the importance of reading a book here. I wish good luck to the sellers and customers...
Top 10 benefits of reading for all ages:
1. Reading Exercises the Brain
As we read, we need to remember the different characters and settings of a particular story. Even if you enjoy reading a book in one sitting, you need to remember the details during the time you devote to reading the book. Therefore, reading is an exercise for your brain that improves memory function.
2. Reading Is a (free) Form of Entertainment
Did you know that most of the popular TV series and movies are based on books? So why not indulge in the original form of entertainment by immersing yourself in reading? Most importantly, it's free with your Markham Public Library card.
3. Reading Improves Concentration and Focus
We all agree that there can be no reading without focus, and we need to concentrate on every page we read to fully understand the story. In a world where gadgets only speed up and shorten our attention span, we must constantly practice concentration and focus. Reading is one of the few activities that requires your undivided attention, so it improves your ability to concentrate.
4. Reading Improves Literacy
Have you ever read a book where you come across a word you don't know? Books have the power to improve your vocabulary by introducing you to new words. The more you read, the more your vocabulary will improve as well as your ability to communicate effectively. Also, reading improves writing skills by helping the reader understand and learn different writing styles.
5. Reading Improves Sleep
By creating a bedtime routine that includes reading, you can signal to your body that it's time to sleep. Now more than ever, we rely on increased screen time to get through the day. That's why you put your phone away and pick up a book and tell your brain it's time to calm down. Also, since reading helps you relieve stress, reading right before bed helps calm your mind and anxiety and improve your sleep quality.
6. Reading Increases General Knowledge
Books are always full of fun and interesting facts. Whether we read fiction or non-fiction, books have the ability to provide us with information we might not otherwise know. Reading various topics can make you a more knowledgeable person and therefore improve your speaking skills.
7. Reading Is Motivating
By reading books about heroes overcoming adversity, we are often encouraged to do the same. Whether it's a romance novel or a self-help book, the right book can motivate you to never give up and stay positive.
https://numberoneboats.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/
https://theboatyacht.com/burns-craft-...
https://numberoneboats.com/burns-craf...
https://theboatyacht.com/krogen-silho...
https://numberoneboats.com/krogen-sil...
November 18, 2024
*Spoiler - don't read all the way through if you want to avoid*
All the way back to Iron & Silk I have enjoyed Mark Salzman's wonderful writing. I always especially liked his nonfiction, and so perhaps it is not so surprising that part of the story here is his immense struggles with fiction writing. At times I wanted to just jump into the book and yell at the author to just please stop torturing yourself with the endless labyrinth of fabricating worlds from your head, and just do more of what you're really excellent at!
And this book is an example of where he excels. It is a harrowing account of writer's block and mounting anxiety, leading to panic attacks. As someone who was also surprised out of the blue by these attacks, I can say that his account of their terror is spot on, and very useful for people to read.
A lot of other life events happen, mostly kind of upsetting, and the book builds a real suspense over what's going to happen next and how it will end. Now, with all the buildup, and also knowing that he has never written anything else, I was expecting something really bad to happen at the end. Ultimately I was relieved but not fully convinced by the epiphany that he relates, but just in novelistic terms it was a bit of a letdown.
But such is truth, it goes where it goes. Terrific, well written, and useful book - and I wish this important writer would get back into the game. You don't have to write fiction to be a serious author!! Fiction is a special talent and not without its own drawbacks.
All the way back to Iron & Silk I have enjoyed Mark Salzman's wonderful writing. I always especially liked his nonfiction, and so perhaps it is not so surprising that part of the story here is his immense struggles with fiction writing. At times I wanted to just jump into the book and yell at the author to just please stop torturing yourself with the endless labyrinth of fabricating worlds from your head, and just do more of what you're really excellent at!
And this book is an example of where he excels. It is a harrowing account of writer's block and mounting anxiety, leading to panic attacks. As someone who was also surprised out of the blue by these attacks, I can say that his account of their terror is spot on, and very useful for people to read.
A lot of other life events happen, mostly kind of upsetting, and the book builds a real suspense over what's going to happen next and how it will end. Now, with all the buildup, and also knowing that he has never written anything else, I was expecting something really bad to happen at the end. Ultimately I was relieved but not fully convinced by the epiphany that he relates, but just in novelistic terms it was a bit of a letdown.
But such is truth, it goes where it goes. Terrific, well written, and useful book - and I wish this important writer would get back into the game. You don't have to write fiction to be a serious author!! Fiction is a special talent and not without its own drawbacks.
May 17, 2023
"Jessica says I can't deny the existence of human freedom and responsibility in front of the girls until they've finished high school. And if I've learned one thing from being a dad, it's that you don't mess with Mom."
This memoir was so intense at one point that I had to put it down and go for a walk. His story of his sister's hospitalization was too painful. But then there were other moments like the summary above which make me smile--even as I don't agree with his rather negative conclusion that we are all products of things out of our control--that we are all the "man in the empty boat."
I have read most of Salzman's books and really liked Iron and Silk, his first memoir. Lying Awake, an early novel, was intriguing. I'm not sure I want to work backwards into his life for Lost in Place but I might want to try Lost Notebooks: A Writer's Year in Juvenile Hall.
This memoir was so intense at one point that I had to put it down and go for a walk. His story of his sister's hospitalization was too painful. But then there were other moments like the summary above which make me smile--even as I don't agree with his rather negative conclusion that we are all products of things out of our control--that we are all the "man in the empty boat."
I have read most of Salzman's books and really liked Iron and Silk, his first memoir. Lying Awake, an early novel, was intriguing. I'm not sure I want to work backwards into his life for Lost in Place but I might want to try Lost Notebooks: A Writer's Year in Juvenile Hall.
March 24, 2025
This memoir feels very authentic and I definitely appreciate that. Unfortunately, it also feels like it misses the mark somehow. Despite Salzman’s willingness to share authentically of his inner and outer experience, I had a hard time connecting with him here more than in either of his other memoirs. Perhaps that’s because he’s more willing to express here how lost he is? I’m not sure.
What I most appreciated was his description of panic attacks which helped me to better understand what folks I care about who suffer from these are going through when they have an attack. That is a real gift.
Finally, despite wanting to experience a deep of connection w Salzman based on the shared human experiences of seeking happiness, and facing the sickness and death of loved ones, I felt we really only made it into the shallows.
What I most appreciated was his description of panic attacks which helped me to better understand what folks I care about who suffer from these are going through when they have an attack. That is a real gift.
Finally, despite wanting to experience a deep of connection w Salzman based on the shared human experiences of seeking happiness, and facing the sickness and death of loved ones, I felt we really only made it into the shallows.
December 31, 2024
This is a story of hope and faith. A group of shipwrecked passengers pull a stranger from the sea who proclaims to be the lord and says he can only save them if they all believe in him. Ten people struggle for survival. The book pulls the reader along, keeping the reader guessing until the end. Is this stranger really the Lord? The story is narrated by Benji, one of the passengers, who recounts the events in a notebook that he keeps in a plastic bag and which is discovered a year later when the empty life raft washes up on the island of Montserrat. LeFleur, the island's chief inspector, battling his own demons, is left to solve the mystery of what really happened. Part mystery and part a story of faith and what awaits us at the end.
December 12, 2024
I'm a Mark Salzman fan. I have read all his books. This is much different. A heavy, much the time difficult to read memoir of his trials through marriage, fatherhood, and writing. If I wasn't such a fan of his work I may not have gotten through it. What I found interesting is hearing his story, at some points in almost timeline fashion connected to the books he wrote which I have read. Relating his life struggles with his novels and writing kept me connected.
May 7, 2017
A memoir I read on a whim. I hard a recommendation for one of his novels (Lying Awake) checked my library and got this book instead which tell his story of personal anxiety, writers block, the death of his sister and a dog farting. I read this cover to cover in an evening. Excellent memoir and well crafted story telling. Maybe I will get to other books he wrote.
October 1, 2023
I've long been a fan of Mark Salzman, since reading Iron and Silk (and seeing the film of the same title). But this is the first time a book of his has made me both laugh out loud and cry! And anyone who has suffered from panic attacks will recognize a fellow sufferer long before the author does..
September 6, 2020
This was an interesting short binge.
I was looking for something to pick up after reading books over 500 pages. This was definitely a book I found fascinating.
I learned that clownfish are all born male. They’re Tra sexual creatures.
Thanks Mark.
I was looking for something to pick up after reading books over 500 pages. This was definitely a book I found fascinating.
I learned that clownfish are all born male. They’re Tra sexual creatures.
Thanks Mark.
April 4, 2021
Tedious description of boring details of author’s life. Would not recommend it to any one
Uninteresting details that provide no insights into human existence. Trite trite and trite. Mark Salzman’s Chinese based book are much better
Uninteresting details that provide no insights into human existence. Trite trite and trite. Mark Salzman’s Chinese based book are much better
November 6, 2021
Another Mark Salzman gem. Insightful, honest, brave, and eye-opening. I’m so glad I came across this book. I related so much to his symptoms of anxiety in the early chapters that this book has made me take an inner look at myself and forgiving myself when things get difficult.
December 29, 2017
Heartrendingly sad.
January 18, 2019
This was a great read. Honest and enjoyable to read. The author talks about how he deals with his anxiety, the title is important to the content.
February 5, 2019
I love Mark Salzman and his essays and novels, but this was insufferable.
August 31, 2020
This memoir covers Mark Salzman’s years during which he had writer’s block, he lost his mother and sister, and came to terms with his anxiety through the realization we are all who we choose to be and we are all doing the best we can.
His writing style reminds me of Michael Lewis’s style: each word important yet so seemingly casual.
I read this book and enjoyed it. His sister’s death was wrenching; his struggles with the new dog so funny. A great read.
His writing style reminds me of Michael Lewis’s style: each word important yet so seemingly casual.
I read this book and enjoyed it. His sister’s death was wrenching; his struggles with the new dog so funny. A great read.
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