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Matthew
My name is Matthew Goldin, 32, NY-born, experimental mixed media artist and cultural strategist, conceived in the Beverly Hills Hotel—no tats, no education.
Growing up, I never joined in on the fun and games that the other kids liked to play. I preferred to depict, with great acumen, and to a rapt audience, the gulf between the world of ideas and the quotidian miscellany of chores and little anxieties that constitute this writer’s lived experience of a summer afternoon.
Eschewing depth, my style is characterized by surface tension so that readers can glide, like water bugs, and discover new ways of laughing and loving.
Most of the essays in this collection were written between 1991 and 2024, during a period when I was largely kidding. I hope you find them edifying.
Growing up, I never joined in on the fun and games that the other kids liked to play. I preferred to depict, with great acumen, and to a rapt audience, the gulf between the world of ideas and the quotidian miscellany of chores and little anxieties that constitute this writer’s lived experience of a summer afternoon.
Eschewing depth, my style is characterized by surface tension so that readers can glide, like water bugs, and discover new ways of laughing and loving.
Most of the essays in this collection were written between 1991 and 2024, during a period when I was largely kidding. I hope you find them edifying.
104 pages, Paperback
Published August 29, 2024
1 person is currently reading
72 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
September 29, 2024
A pure delight, and so very specifically my type of shit. For my money one of the funniest and most original comedic voices today. Excited to read more written work by Matthew Goldin in the future !
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October 9, 2024This is very good. Actually funny. Clearly influenced by DeLillo. Most importantly, this collection is evidence of someone experimenting and doing genuinely interesting, exciting things with writing, which is rare enough on its own.
October 12, 2024
“I’m just happy that you’re once again writing in your inimitable style” pretty much covers it. While it’s a bit cringe to point it out, this is metamodern comedic writing at its finest. I was trembling with laughter most of the way through this, and enjoyed taking it a little bit at a time.
November 24, 2024
The LA-based X, formerly known as Twitter, user Matthew Goldin is known on that hell site for his sardonic wit and for his fuego musings on culture, politics, and sex. His debut ‘Matthew’ will surely tick off plenty of normies, folks who perpetrate acts of violence, and fans of the content creator Bo Burnham… are you triggered yet? Ha, just joshing. ‘Matthew’ is a testament to the power of keeping it real, and I imagine the waves it’s making in the LA/NYC literary scene are paying major dividends for Goldin; this dude is likely swimming in cold hard cash and coveted social capital. Kudos to you, Matthew!
In all seriousness though, this is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. It’s a real treat to read longer work from Matthew Goldin. I’m still not entirely sure to what extent his persona is an act, yet… it’s clear to me that he’s one of the realest mofos around. Again, this book is awesome!
In all seriousness though, this is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. It’s a real treat to read longer work from Matthew Goldin. I’m still not entirely sure to what extent his persona is an act, yet… it’s clear to me that he’s one of the realest mofos around. Again, this book is awesome!
September 30, 2024
This book is so funny, the writing is so fresh, it feels like such a new thing to me that I had to make a Goodreads account just to give it a 5 star review. I haven't laughed so much at written work in probably a decade. The only disclaimer being I live in a regional Australian town, so many things may seem fresh to me - however this also only highlights the book's wide appeal.
The humour absolutely nails specific thoughts and feelings that previously felt too fleeting to define while shifting along tangents with a whimsical athleticism that never gets dull. Never read anything like it.
The humour absolutely nails specific thoughts and feelings that previously felt too fleeting to define while shifting along tangents with a whimsical athleticism that never gets dull. Never read anything like it.
January 16, 2025
Read most of this in one plane ride and was chuckling with delight the whole way.
It reminded me quite a bit of George Saunders. Particularly the essay, 30 Rock. It reminded me of Saunders’ Semplica-Girl Diaries and Pastoralia short stories in the way it paints a reality with similarities to our own but more surreal and dystopian.
I really loved this!
It reminded me quite a bit of George Saunders. Particularly the essay, 30 Rock. It reminded me of Saunders’ Semplica-Girl Diaries and Pastoralia short stories in the way it paints a reality with similarities to our own but more surreal and dystopian.
I really loved this!
September 30, 2024
delightful read, super funny. love the way Matthew writes. every story was entertaining or insightful in its own unique way.
favorites: (pretty much half the book)
- barbicide
- clifford’s influence
- the rash
- stranglers
- habitat for humanity
- bad erotica
favorites: (pretty much half the book)
- barbicide
- clifford’s influence
- the rash
- stranglers
- habitat for humanity
- bad erotica
October 2, 2024
i have been hoping and waiting for this book for years. It was the perfect way to make my seat mate look over at me several times while reading it on a flight. I am obsessed with this book and will read it many times.
November 20, 2024
This book made me laugh out loud multiple times every single page. Makes me excited about reading in a way I haven’t felt since first finding something like Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams as a kid.
December 10, 2024
actually made me lol. great satire. lots of beautiful twists. the short stories made it easy to read at work / during quick breaks
December 11, 2024
Made me laugh out loud many times. Probably not like any book you’ve ever read
August 31, 2025
My sweet friend Benny gifted me this extremely good and funny book and I am very happy about it.
All of the stories are great, but Barbicide and Stranglers are no less than incredible—without qualification, I would compare them to Sam Pink (who is, obviously, incomparable).
The commitment to the bit is the best aspect of these stories. The narrator is so confident, so declarative—and the sometimes ironically intelligent vocabulary adds to this perfectly—in the surreal events/imagery that I often felt like I was wrong for wondering if, for example, he could indeed strain his eyes so far back that he could see the top of his own head. (Following this image with the almost forcibly self-reflective question ‘Why was I overthinking this?’ is one of the best slaps in the mouth I’ve had in a very long time.)
The occasional poetry is also very beautiful, particularly in Stranglers.
“Gorgeous members of the opposite sex, beautiful beyond belief, sometimes appeared as well. I catcalled them assiduously and indefatigably, commenting on various aspects of their appearance, or sometimes on the nature of desire itself, indirectly hinting at the solipsism of lust and generously implying their interchangeability so that they wouldn’t feel so personally accosted by my language.”
“Homes keep the world out, but a larger one keeps less of the world out, because it uses up more world, leaving less to exclude. In an ideal world, I would live in a home no larger than I am. That way, everything that isn’t me would be outside it. But I would be in it. In an ideal world, all the world would be outside of me, and I’d be totally at home in myself. I’d look outside at the world around me, observing the stranglers and creeps, using eyes, windows, binoculars, and a fearful imagination.”
Sweet Benny - who, as I mentioned, gifted me this extremely good and funny book - runs a podcast, which is itself extremely good and funny. It’s called The Grill and you both listen and give it a five-stars rating here: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
All of the stories are great, but Barbicide and Stranglers are no less than incredible—without qualification, I would compare them to Sam Pink (who is, obviously, incomparable).
The commitment to the bit is the best aspect of these stories. The narrator is so confident, so declarative—and the sometimes ironically intelligent vocabulary adds to this perfectly—in the surreal events/imagery that I often felt like I was wrong for wondering if, for example, he could indeed strain his eyes so far back that he could see the top of his own head. (Following this image with the almost forcibly self-reflective question ‘Why was I overthinking this?’ is one of the best slaps in the mouth I’ve had in a very long time.)
The occasional poetry is also very beautiful, particularly in Stranglers.
“Gorgeous members of the opposite sex, beautiful beyond belief, sometimes appeared as well. I catcalled them assiduously and indefatigably, commenting on various aspects of their appearance, or sometimes on the nature of desire itself, indirectly hinting at the solipsism of lust and generously implying their interchangeability so that they wouldn’t feel so personally accosted by my language.”
“Homes keep the world out, but a larger one keeps less of the world out, because it uses up more world, leaving less to exclude. In an ideal world, I would live in a home no larger than I am. That way, everything that isn’t me would be outside it. But I would be in it. In an ideal world, all the world would be outside of me, and I’d be totally at home in myself. I’d look outside at the world around me, observing the stranglers and creeps, using eyes, windows, binoculars, and a fearful imagination.”
Sweet Benny - who, as I mentioned, gifted me this extremely good and funny book - runs a podcast, which is itself extremely good and funny. It’s called The Grill and you both listen and give it a five-stars rating here: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
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April 24, 2025Certain lines like "I shuddered as I felt my car drive through a spider web." And phrases like "boiled groceries" tickled me... I also enjoyed hearing from the mind of a fetus that doesn't want to be born.
September 29, 2024
Truly the funniest thing I've ever read, book or otherwise. I found myself laughing out loud almost every paragraph. Matthew is doing things with the english language that I've never seen before. It's so funny that I lent it to my dad after finishing it. It takes a damn good book to overcome my apprehensiveness on handing my DAD a book with gratuitous sexual imagery and a couple instances of casual incest.
A few general highlights for me:
Matthew's use of the first person omniscient perspective is so funny. It'll be sounding like a normal first-person perspective, and then all of a sudden he'll mention the inner workings of a stranger's mind, or something that happened to a stranger before this scene, or something that was happening at this exact instant, miles away.
There's an uncanny valley to the worlds in these stories. They're ostensibly similar to the real world, but there are weird qualities, like the stark difference between life inside vs. outside the Harvard campus. Or all barbers being recognizable by the fact that they walk around with their shears on full display. These differences are written so casually by Matthew. They're simply a fact of life.
There are leaps of logic and time that are completely illogical.
Many of the characters are weirdly articulate, and have very fully formed ideas that they're more than happy to share with the world. Some of these loquacious, insightful characters are children, which makes it even funnier. Because in the real world, children are... not the smartest, to put it gently.
There are definitely more funny things about this book, but it's been like a month since I've read it, and my copy is now in my dad's possession. So at some point, maybe I'll update this review with more things I love about the book.
A few general highlights for me:
Matthew's use of the first person omniscient perspective is so funny. It'll be sounding like a normal first-person perspective, and then all of a sudden he'll mention the inner workings of a stranger's mind, or something that happened to a stranger before this scene, or something that was happening at this exact instant, miles away.
There's an uncanny valley to the worlds in these stories. They're ostensibly similar to the real world, but there are weird qualities, like the stark difference between life inside vs. outside the Harvard campus. Or all barbers being recognizable by the fact that they walk around with their shears on full display. These differences are written so casually by Matthew. They're simply a fact of life.
There are leaps of logic and time that are completely illogical.
Many of the characters are weirdly articulate, and have very fully formed ideas that they're more than happy to share with the world. Some of these loquacious, insightful characters are children, which makes it even funnier. Because in the real world, children are... not the smartest, to put it gently.
There are definitely more funny things about this book, but it's been like a month since I've read it, and my copy is now in my dad's possession. So at some point, maybe I'll update this review with more things I love about the book.
May 1, 2025
By and large, the art of the short story is dead in this day and age. It seems like writers are stuck in one of two modes; chasing the rotting corpse of the "New Yorker" story or undergoing voluntary lobotomies to become the next Tao Lin. Matthew is neither of these.
His authorial voice is extremely strong. What his stories "lack" for traditional narrative, they make up twofold in clever prose craftsmanship. "Bad Erotica," the headlining story of the collection, is a great example of this. A sense of shock and surprise pervades it. What at first comes across as gratuitous is immediately subverted by the grotesque. Matthew has a deep well of strange thoughts and imagery that are well worth the shocking content and circuitous stories (or complementary to them, depending on your point of view.) Fans of postmodernist writers like Donald Barthelme and the like will be rewarded by this book time and again.
Being intially more familiar with his work in comedy, this book came as kind of a surprise to me. The combination of short story writer and comedian who is equally talented at both is rare, maybe even unique. The result is revelatory and fresh, which I ascribe to its unusual provenance as a performer being published by an art books press. Anyone longing to step outside the pervasive publishing industry insider/MFA student paradigm of modern books will feel cleansed by this one.
His authorial voice is extremely strong. What his stories "lack" for traditional narrative, they make up twofold in clever prose craftsmanship. "Bad Erotica," the headlining story of the collection, is a great example of this. A sense of shock and surprise pervades it. What at first comes across as gratuitous is immediately subverted by the grotesque. Matthew has a deep well of strange thoughts and imagery that are well worth the shocking content and circuitous stories (or complementary to them, depending on your point of view.) Fans of postmodernist writers like Donald Barthelme and the like will be rewarded by this book time and again.
Being intially more familiar with his work in comedy, this book came as kind of a surprise to me. The combination of short story writer and comedian who is equally talented at both is rare, maybe even unique. The result is revelatory and fresh, which I ascribe to its unusual provenance as a performer being published by an art books press. Anyone longing to step outside the pervasive publishing industry insider/MFA student paradigm of modern books will feel cleansed by this one.
November 20, 2024
I never write reviews, but this is the funniest book I've ever read. Goldin’s style is unlike anything that I've seen before. This book works best if you're familiar with Goldin's brand of humor, especially so if you know his voice.
The book continues in that same absurd, satiric vein. There is so much funny phrasing in these stories. Goldin has a knack for creating odd sentences that belie the strangeness of the world around him. He knowingly chooses wording that is inappropriate or 'off' in a way that offsets the profundity his narrator-self is going for. Then there are the moments where the writing is truly cogent, even when that in itself is the joke. Then he'll turn it around with 'zoomer-isms' that hit like punchlines; "the tigress was uncharacteristically uncaged, and it was acting savage AF to a few nearby families". This intentional cringiness is supported by truly fantastic structure that allows it to hit its mark consistently.
That's not even delving into the actual content of the stories, which I don't want to spoil too much. The narratives vary in absurdity, but they're all pretty strange. Goldin is adept at revealing details in a casual manner that blindsides you. A character easily assumed to be a young contemporary of Matthew's is, in one swift line, revealed to be 91 years old. A friend who is hospital-bound as a double amputee is brought up offhandedly and is represented as a burden to Matthew's own creative work. Matthew in character will divulge horribly lewd or violent information with a certain emotional dissonance that is always entertaining.
I've never read something so continuously funny. "Matthew" is extremely ironic, but it's also rich and surprisingly poetic at times. It is a character study of Matthew. It's also humorous AF.
The book continues in that same absurd, satiric vein. There is so much funny phrasing in these stories. Goldin has a knack for creating odd sentences that belie the strangeness of the world around him. He knowingly chooses wording that is inappropriate or 'off' in a way that offsets the profundity his narrator-self is going for. Then there are the moments where the writing is truly cogent, even when that in itself is the joke. Then he'll turn it around with 'zoomer-isms' that hit like punchlines; "the tigress was uncharacteristically uncaged, and it was acting savage AF to a few nearby families". This intentional cringiness is supported by truly fantastic structure that allows it to hit its mark consistently.
That's not even delving into the actual content of the stories, which I don't want to spoil too much. The narratives vary in absurdity, but they're all pretty strange. Goldin is adept at revealing details in a casual manner that blindsides you. A character easily assumed to be a young contemporary of Matthew's is, in one swift line, revealed to be 91 years old. A friend who is hospital-bound as a double amputee is brought up offhandedly and is represented as a burden to Matthew's own creative work. Matthew in character will divulge horribly lewd or violent information with a certain emotional dissonance that is always entertaining.
I've never read something so continuously funny. "Matthew" is extremely ironic, but it's also rich and surprisingly poetic at times. It is a character study of Matthew. It's also humorous AF.
January 4, 2026
A series of absurd essays with millennial language peppered in needlessly. Goldin's use of vaguery and unnecessary slang just heightens the humor in all respects. He contradicts himself constantly, all following the Rule of Funny. There's no overarching theme here. A perfect argument for Susan Sontag's 'erotics of art.'
December 24, 2024
Matthew is laugh-out-loud funny in moments. But often, the short stories kill their own development with flat characters, who are just vehicles for punch-lines and anti-jokes, and sardonic, postmodern narration. The above characteristics seem obviously intentional to me, yet they are deployed in such a way that I found Matthew to be slightly numbing read, and I found it challenging to engage with the stories any deeper than I would engage with a 30-second social media video.
May 26, 2025
Poor writing from an uneducated racist. Save your money, and honestly report this guy to the FBI lol
June 1, 2025
Going to bring my copy of this everywhere with me so I can make everyone I know read it
December 26, 2025
The stories invite their reader into a world that differs from ours only in so far that the reader has read them.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews